This Way Became My Journey
by NewHampshireGirl
Summary: The Starship Voyager is lost in the Delta Quadrant and forced to join together with a group of Maquis rebels in order to survive. AU
1. Chapter 1: Caretaker

_Disclaimer: All characters, vessels, technology, etc, belong to Paramount, except Lieutenant Sarah Barrett, Michael Janeway, Ava Janeway, Bryan Dawson, and Garbriel Dawson, they are my creations._

_A/N:_ To organize myself I'm putting all the stories of season one into one story. Now, I'm not just going to repost, because I'm a perfectionist I'm going to fix things and add some new parts. If you have a request for a certain scene let me know! I will post at least one chapter a day. I hope this will help me get moving on _The 37s, _I have hit a wall with that one. Reminder that this is an AU, KJ was married and has two kids, there is a counselor on _Voyager, _and the pairings aren't necessarily canon either. If you're new, enjoy! If you aren't new, enjoy again! :)

I will try to add to each episode. I added a scene between Tom Paris and his mother in this one that was eating at me for a while. I couldn't find his mother's name anywhere so I made it up. If anyone knows the canon name please feel free to let me know. Leave reviews if you please, :).

* * *

**This Way Became My Journey**

_Caretaker_

Lowering her body with a heavy sigh, Captain Kathryn Janeway propped her feet up on the coffee table in the living room of her posh San Francisco apartment. It was quiet now, since her dog Molly had been sent to the kennel. She found that she missed that auburn ball of fur more than anything at that moment.

It had been a long day, securing everything before her next assignment. Between packing up some personal belongings and transporting back and forth to New Zealand, Kathryn found she was drained. This was her first deep space assignment in nearly two years. She had forgotten how much work went into the preparation for such an assignment not to mention the strings she had to pull to get a few extra things she believed she needed on this mission. Asking the Admiralty for a few _favors _was never an easy thing.

There was a knock on the door. For a moment she didn't respond, used to the chime of a starship. "Come in," she called out.

The large glass doors swung upon and she watched as Gabriel Dawson, a friend from her Academy days stepped down the marble steps towards her. "I thought you would be halfway to Deep Space Nine right now. Seeing you after you got that commission, I swore you were going to move in on _Voyager_ immediately."

Kathryn laughed and gestured around her apartment. "I had a few things to clean up here first. Besides, I don't think Starfleet was quite ready for me to sit in that Captain's chair just yet."

Gabriel sat down on the sofa with her. "They're making the right decision. If anyone can track down the Maquis, it's Kathryn Janeway."

She chuckled. "Thanks for your vote in confidence in me; I'll note it in my log." Her face grew serious. "What brings you down here?"

"Just checking up on you," Gabriel said, his look matching hers. "This is your first deep space assignment since… the massacre at Ohniaka III."

The lighthearted mood that she had enjoyed was soon squelched at his mentioning of Ohniaka III. Images of the science station that had once been there flashed through her mind; images of its destruction as it was seen on the news vids, images of a long lost love.

Kathryn turned her blue eyes away from Gabriel. She tried not to think of his brother, Bryan Dawson, who had been a scientist at the outpost when it was attacked by the Borg. Thinking of Bryan brought such a strong urge to scream and cry that she very often found her self trying not to think about him. He had, after all, been her husband of four years when he had been killed along with all his colleagues. "I was holding up just fine until you said that."

"I'm sorry Kathryn," Gabriel said. "But you were my friend long before you were my sister in law. Can I help it if I still worry about you?"

She looked at him with sad eyes. Yes, it was true, he had been her friend; he had been the one to introduce Bryan and Kathryn a year or so after her father had died. Bryan had been a life savior, showing her that there was life after the loss of a loved one, but his death, at the hands of a ruthless enemy, had left a bitter taste in her mouth for so long. "I appreciate your checking up on me, but really I'm fine," Kathryn said, going to the food replicator to get a cup of coffee.

"Are you really? I spoke to your mother, she told me you had a hard time parting with the children," Gabriel replied, his eyes studying the back of her uniform. He saw her shoulders stiffen at the mentioning of her children. "I figured there would be some separation anxiety on their part, but yours Kathryn?"

She bit her lip before taking a sip of coffee. "It's my first time away from Ava for more than a week."

Gabriel pondered what she said for a moment. Kathryn had been devastated when his brother was killed. She had taken their son, Michael, on some trek across Earth, stopping in places like Paris, New York, the Bahamas. And then suddenly she cut the leave time that Starfleet had granted her short, dropped Michael off to her mother, and returned to the _Billings. _Unbeknownst to any of them at the time she had found out she was pregnant with Ava. Whether she was in denial or not, she refused to tell anyone, she had kept working, hard, to the point where it ended her up at Starfleet Medical with pregnancy complications. All her assignments after the baby's birth had been local, only assignments that stretched the span of a week. Being given command of her own ship, that had been something she had wanted for a long time, and he knew she had eagerly taken the _Voyager_ commission. "Ava will adjust. Children are resilient, Kathryn, much more than adults."

Kathryn looked at him. "I know. I'm afraid of her adjusting a little too much," the new Captain whispered. "Being given a command like this means I won't be going on short little missions; _Voyager_ is a deep space vessel. How much am I going to get to see of her now that I have a highly advanced, deep space vessel in my command?"

"I thought you had talked to Admiral Patterson?" Gabriel questioned. "Didn't he approve of accommodations for the kids on the ship himself?"

"Yes, he single-handedly went to bat for me," Kathryn replied. "The Council wasn't too keen on my request, the building of the new rooms set back the launch date three weeks. But what else am I supposed to do? I'm a single parent with a job that takes me away far too often. I want to be able to see my children."

"You could get a post at Command," Gabriel said. "You'd make a great instructor at the Academy."

She smiled wistfully. "You know me Gabe; I'm not an office girl."

He returned the smile. "I know, I had to try, and I also know that Bryan didn't want you to give up your career to become a house wife. Why do you think he let you keep your name?"

"The name stayed because the clerk in Bloomington didn't know what she was doing," Kathryn replied her eyes narrowing a bit. "Instead of putting Janeway-Dawson as my new name, she put Dawson-Janeway as Bryan's." The memory played out in her mind. She had been so mad. And they had always meant to go back and fix it after they were married, however, Michael had been born, Wolf 359 had happened, and her assignment to the _Billings. _They never found the time to go back. _We never found the time for a lot of things, Bryan, _Kathryn thought sadly.

"How did New Zealand go?" Gabriel was asking her, trying to get her mind off of her late husband.

"It went," she said with a chuckle. "Tom Paris is as cocky and arrogant as his service record indicates. But, he's the only one in Starfleet who can help us track the Maquis."

"You're taking a big risk on him," Gabriel said. "He's a convicted traitor of the Federation."

"I've been told I'm taking a lot of risks on this assignment," Kathryn retorted.

"Lieutenant Barrett?"

"Yes, how did you know?"

"I was her council at her hearing, remember?" Gabriel said. He shook his head, remembering the burnt out, broken young woman who he had defended in a court martial for dereliction of duty. "Starfleet came down too hard on her, trying her like that. What she needed was the rehab not the brig time."

Kathryn set her cup down on the coffee table. "You got her that rehab time, Gabe. You opened the door for someone like me to take a risk on her. Besides, my father worked with hers. He was a good officer. I think Jason Barrett's daughter deserves a second chance, don't you?"

"You know I do, but she's only been out, what six months?"

"Yes, your point?"

"She could relapse."

Kathryn scoffed. "Not on my shift."

_Good damn it Kathryn, why are you so stubborn! _The Captain's personal computer was beeping, indicating an incoming message. She rose from the sofa and went to turn the console on. It was resting on a small end table towards the back of the living room. From his seat he could see an image of Gretchen Janeway appear, she looked hassled, in the background a baby was crying, it was Ava.

"Mom?" Kathryn asked concerned. She could hear her baby screaming in the background and it was breaking her heart that she couldn't be there to comfort the child.

"Katie," Gretchen breathed. "I think you need to meet me at the transporter station. Ava's got an ear infection."

"A what?"

"An ear infection. I can't get her to calm down, she's been screaming for you for hours, and no matter how much pain reliever I give her, it doesn't help. She needs to see her doctor, Katie," Gretchen replied. "We could be there in ten minutes, as long as you meet us at the station. I can't very well traipse through San Francisco with a screaming baby, now can I?"

Kathryn closed her eyes. She was due to leave in two hours for Deep Space Nine. There was no way she was going to get an appointment with the children's doctor now. Making a split second decision, that she was sure she would regret at some point later down the road, she told her mother to pack bags for the kids; they were coming with her on _Voyager_.

* * *

"Welcome aboard _Voyager, _Lieutenant Barrett."

Sarah Barrett noticed a middle aged man in command reds standing at the base of the transporter pad. Reaching back into her mind to place him from all the personnel files that she had shuffled through the past few days, she offered him her hand. "Commander Cavit, it's nice to meet you sir." _God, I hope I'm right about who this is,_ she thought as the man took her hand and shook it.

"Likewise, Lieutenant," Cavit said to her, in a professional tone. He released her hand and gestured for her to follow. "Captain Janeway sends her regrets, but will not be able to meet with you until later. She is…busy tending to other things."

The tone of his voice suggested that he wasn't happy about what these _other things_ were. "That's alright, sir. I can meet with her at her earliest convenience. Actually, Starfleet Command wanted me to meet with you as well, regarding our observer."

"Oh yes, him," Cavit scoffed, pressing a button to open the turbo lift's doors. The two officers stepped inside and she waited for him to say something more, but he didn't. He looked mutely ahead while the lift ascended. An awkward silence passed between them.

She decided to break the ice. "I know what the feelings are regarding Mister Paris. Starfleet command just wanted me to make sure that everyone on this ship is willing to put those feelings aside to get the job done."

Cavit glared at her. "Miss Barrett, I can assure you that this crew is not going to let their feelings for a convicted felon get in the way of their duties."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Are you?"

"Computer halt turbo lift," Cavit ordered. The lift came to a halt and he turned to fully face her. "I'm aware of your history Lieutenant. You have some nerve questioning me when it comes to duty."

Sarah knew when she had pushed too many buttons. "I'm sorry sir. You're right. If this crew is any reflection of Captain Janeway, she would insist that her crew treats Mister Paris with respect, there fore not allowing him to interfere with their duties."

He set his jaw and ordered the computer to resume. The lift started to move again and they rode the rest of the way to the deck where her office was stationed in tense silence. When they got to the office she noticed that he had been carrying a couple of PADDs in his hand. She was surprised when he handed them to her. "These are additions to the crew roster. I suggest that you look them over briefly and then report to the Bridge. We'll be leaving in a couple of hours."

Sarah scanned the PADDs and realized that the new additions to the roster were children, the Captain's children. "Kids? Starfleet is letting kids on this mission?" This wasn't a Galaxy class starship; there were no accommodations for children. Why would Starfleet ever let kids on this ship?

"Apparently Captain Janeway has a few supporters at Command. Apparently Admiral Patterson approved of it himself," Cavit replied. "Believe me, Counselor, I'm not any more thrilled than you are about this, but it's not my place to question Captain Janeway… on her parenting skills."

"I'm not questioning it either, but as far as I'm aware, Kathryn Janeway has never taken her kids on any mission with her," Sarah said, recalling information from the Captain's personnel file. "Why the sudden change of heart, sir?"

Cavit's reply was curt. "I don't know."

Sarah's eyes fell on the reports again, reading bits and pieces. The children's lives hadn't been easy to say the least, shuffled between their mother's apartment in San Francisco and their grandmother's home in Indiana. Before that even, the oldest, a boy, had lived with his father on some science station. Maybe Kathryn Janeway was tried of the shuffling or maybe it was just another commanding officer using their influence to get their family on board their ship. Sarah's father had done the same, when he was the Captain of the _Alaska. _Who said being of higher rank didn't have their perks?

She had hated every minute of living on that ship. Being told that Janeway's children would be making the trip brought back old memories of lying around crew quarters bored out of her mind as a child. "I don't suppose more kids are coming on board, sir? After all, someone else must want their children with them besides the Captain."

"Your displeasure of the situation will be duly noted in my log, Lieutenant," Cavit replied, ignoring her sarcastic tone, and turning about. "I'll see you on the Bridge."

Sarah disappeared inside of her office, dropping her travel bag. It landed on the floor with a _thud. _She dropped the PADDs Cavit had given her onto the glass desk and went to look out the window. Taking a deep calming breath she was glad that it had been Cavit to inform her of the children and not Janeway. She was certain the Captain would not have taken kindly to her…reactions. Maybe there was some circumstance that Kathryn Janeway was forced to take the children with her. Their grandmother was sick and she had no last minute child care, they were dropping the children off along the way to stay with family; she had let her temper get the best of her without knowing all the facts.

And besides this was only a three week trip. If they were staying on the ship the whole time the children could be sent back to their grandmother when they returned to Earth. _Better to find out the whole story before jumping to conclusions Barrett,_ she chided her self. If she was lucky she'd get that whole story when she met with the Captain later.

Which reminded her, she had to catch up on Tom Paris'. Reaching for her bag, she pulled the zipper open. Inside where a few uniforms and what seemed like hundreds of thousands of PADDs, it however, did not take her long to find the one she was looking for. She had placed his on top.

Settling down onto the sofa, she scrolled through the report. Their _observer _certainly was an interesting read. His history was not that different from her own; child of an Admiral, attended the Academy and had been involved in a controversial incident. Here the history veered differently from her course. He had been ushered out of Starfleet, due to his cover up and joined the Maquis. She wondered briefly if she hadn't been so forth coming with her drug addiction if they would have ushered her out of Starfleet as well.

Tossing the PADD down she left that thought for another day and another time. She had to report to the Bridge and prove to Cavit and who ever else doubted her abilities, that she was capable. It was time to start all over again.

* * *

"Master Thomas, we weren't expecting you."

"Don't worry Nadia," Thomas Eugene Paris commented as he stepped into his parents' home for the first time in years. "I wasn't expecting me either. Is my father home?"

The hall was just as he remembered it; his mother hadn't changed it in years. An oil painting of the Paris' family still hung on the wall; his father dressed in a crisp, Starfleet uniform, his mother an elegant dress of red. Tom was eight at the time the portrait was made; he was wearing a dress suit, standing behind his sitting mother, a hand draped over her shoulder. His sisters were seated on the floor in front. Tom had spent countless hours staring at that portrait as a child, wondering how the painter had captured a happy family when really it was a suffocating atmosphere, at least for Tom. He could never live up to his father's expectations.

Nadia, their housekeeper for years, looked anxious. "No, no, he's at Command. He won't be home until late."

Tom shoved his hands into his pockets. He hadn't come to see his father anyways, he'd come to see his mother. After being cashiered out of Starfleet he'd cut ties with his mother and his sisters. He'd been ashamed of what he'd done but too proud to admit he was ashamed. "I actually came to see my mother. Is she here?"

"Oh yes, Miss Erin is home," Nadia replied, closing the front doors and ushering Tom into the drawing room, his mother's favorite place to entertain. "I'll go get her."

He was left alone the large drawing room, standing amongst his mother's treasured antique furniture. As a child he hadn't been allowed in this room because of all the valuables; his parents thought his rough and tumble ways would surely break something. Which, now that he thought about, would probably have come true if he'd been allowed in here. Now that he was in the room he realized it wasn't such an extraordinary room after all. In the mind of a nine year old, because it was off limits it was, but really it was a space filled with useless, delicate, old furniture and art.

Tom crossed his arms over his chest and his fingers impacted with the combadge that had been issued to him prior to catching his transport to Deep Space Nine. He wasn't used to wearing a Starfleet uniform, hell he never thought he'd been in one again. Captain Kathryn Janeway had insisted on the uniform and badge, yet she wouldn't let him fly the ship. Tom had to admit that Janeway was attractive in a sort of authoritative way.

"Thomas, what are you doing here? If your father knew you'd stopped by," Erin Paris said as she entered the room.

Tom turned to smile half-heartedly at his mother. "I won't be here long Mom."

"What are you doing in that uniform? Did they let you back into Starfleet?" Erin inquired, straightening his collar.

"I'm doing the Federation a favor. They need me to track down the Maquis."

"Oh, them," Erin huffed. "Haven't they caused you enough trouble?"

"Mom, I got myself into trouble."

"If your father hadn't pushed you in the first place—"

"Mom," Tom interrupted, "I didn't come here to listen to you blame Dad for my mistakes. I came here to tell you that once I get back from this mission I'm taking the first transport out of the Federation. There are plenty of independent traders out there that could use good pilots."

Erin looked horrified. "What about the rest of your sentence?"

"Captain Janeway promised she'd help me at my parole hearing at the end of the month. If I find Chakotay, I get the hell out of that prison," Tom snapped.

"Thomas, you can't be serious about this, leaving Earth, permanently?" Erin gasped.

"I am."

"But...that's ridiculous."

Tom felt drained and he'd only been there for fifteen minutes. "You know something, Mom, I don't know why I came," he breathed, turning about and leaving the room. He had a transport to catch. Swinging the front door open with a dramatic pull he turned slightly to face her. "Tell Dad I said hello and good-bye; I'll be in touch." And with that he slammed the door in her face and hurried down the driveway, making his way for the transport station. He didn't even look back once.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2:

_Disclaimer: This chapter uses dialog taken directly from the episode Caretaker_, _that dialog, belongs to Paramount. _

A/N: I really do have horrible writer's block right now. No new additions to this chapter.

* * *

Kathryn watched anxiously as the doctor looked over his patient. His expression had not changed since she had walked in here and she was beginning to wonder if he was ever going to speak to her.

Julian Bashir straightened his form and moved about the biobed, reaching for a hypospray.

"Well?" Kathryn asked, impatiently. "Is it an ear infection?"

Bashir looked up at her and smiled warmly. "Nope, it's not an ear infection." Well that was a relief, she thought. Perhaps now the children could return with her mother back to Earth and she could forget that this had all happened and how many strings she had to pull to get the approval to bring them on the mission to the Badlands. "It's a double ear infection."

It took her a moment to take in his words. "A what?" she asked, blinking wildly.

"A double ear infection, it means she has it in both her ears," Bashir said, taking her hesitation as meaning she didn't understand what it was. He pressed the hypospray to little Ava Janeway's neck. The child was lying on her back, watching the Doctor intently, but not with nervous eyes, with curiosity. She was clutching tightly to a pink blanket that had been a gift from her father's sister for her first birthday. Kathryn hadn't been able to pry the blanket out of the baby's hands since she they had arrived in San Francisco and she had taken it everywhere since they began on this trek to the deep space station.

"It's quite common in young human children. They eventually grow out of it," Bashir was telling Kathryn, placing the hypospray on a nearby tray.

Kathryn looked dismayed. "Grow out of it?"

"Children who get ear infections usually are prone to getting them," he replied.

"Wonderful," Kathryn muttered.

Bashir patted the child on the shoulder and told her mother, "I've given her a pain reliever as well as medication for the infection. She's going to need two more treatments in the next couple of days. Your medical staff should have it on board your ship. She might be a bit fussy until it completely clears up."

Fussy wasn't the word that Kathryn was thinking of. Ornery, inconsolable, those were the words that Kathryn was thinking of. Ava had screamed pretty much the entire time she was awake on the trip to Deep Space Nine. The CMO on their transport had said she was teething and had told Kathryn to let the child suck on a piece of ice. When that yielded no results, Kathryn had turned to the CMO on Deep Space Nine. Needless to say the man had nothing to say that she wanted to hear. "She's okay for space travel though?"

"Oh yes," he nodded his head. "She should be just fine. Of course, if it is her first time being out in space for long periods of time there are other issues that you might run into. It could take her time to get her…sea legs."

Kathryn rubbed her temples with the tips of her fingers. _I should just leave them with my mother. _ But she couldn't do that, and she knew that she was using the ear infection as an excuse to get the children on board with her. Her mother had told her as much on their journey to Deep Space Nine. Kathryn just wasn't ready to be separated from them for so long. "I don't suppose you know of any good baby-sitters who'd like to travel to the Badlands?"

Bashir looked confused. "Pardon?"

She waved a hand about, dismissing him. "Never mind, I'll make do. Somehow I always do, Doctor," Kathryn replied, picking Ava up off the biobed. As she turned to go she thanked him for his time and made her way through the crowds to where her mother had promised to meet her with Michael. Gretchen had insisted on going with them as far as Deep Space Nine and since she was the wife of an Admiral, Starfleet didn't mind offering her transport. Even though Kathryn never told her mother, she was glad that the woman had come this far with them, but now it was time to part ways.

Her mother had been supportive of her the past year and a half, trying her best to weather the storm with her daughter, but the time had come for Kathryn to start moving forward on her own. There had always been someone there to support her since Bryan's death. Gabriel, her sister Phoebe, or her mother, but if she was going to get her career moving again, she needed to get her personal life moving again, without the help of loved ones.

She was aware of people's opinions of raising children on starships and she was certain that she was going to meet aversion to the idea from her own crew, but they didn't understand the intense desire to keep them close, to not let them go.

Gretchen and Michael were waiting near by _Voyager's _docking port. The boy was playing with some toy starships that Gabriel had given him and seemed oblivious to all the people coming and going on the station. He was in his own little world, much like Kathryn had been at a younger age.

"So," Gretchen said, stepping forward. "What did the Doctor say?"

"She has a double ear infection," Kathryn reported. "But I'm told that my sickbay has the proper medicine for her."

"Are you sure you want to do this Katie?" Gretchen asked. "What are you going to do without childcare on that ship of yours?" Kathryn did have a baby-sitter, Emily Lenox, who watched the children from time to time when the Captain was in meetings at Starfleet Command, however the girl wasn't a long term solution. Gretchen had been the children's long term care since they were born. She had spent the entire trip out to Deep Space Nine trying to get her daughter to remember that. She sighed, "Really, I don't mind taking the children back to Indiana with me. I'm perfectly capable of giving Ava her medicine; I am after all the mother of two children."

Kathryn chewed on her lower lip for a moment. Then, "We'll be alright, Mom," she said.

Gretchen Janeway eyed her oldest daughter for a second. She knew this was hard on her daughter, her first deep space assignment since Bryan's death and Ava's birth. However, it wasn't healthy to cling to the children so tightly, maybe it wouldn't affect them now, but it would affect them in the near future, as they got older. But what would it hurt to let them go on this one mission with their mother, even if their grandmother highly disproved of children on starships. Sighing, she reached out and touched Kathryn's face for a moment. "You're just like your father you know that? Stubborn."

"I know," Kathryn answered, then with a deep breath she looked at five year old Michael. "Ready?"

The little boy's response was to eagerly pick up his small, starship covered travel bag. "Ready!" He hugged his grandmother good-bye and then slipped his free hand into his mother's.

Gretchen took in a deep breath to steal her self for the good-bye and gently hugged her daughter. "Just take care of your self Katie, and those babies."

Pulling away from her mother, Kathryn gave her a small nod, and together she stepped up to the docking port. As the doors slid open, she glanced back once at Gretchen, who gave them all a tiny wave and grin. "See you in a few weeks," Kathryn told her mother.

Gretchen nodded her head, and repeated, "See you in a few weeks."

* * *

Tom Paris watched as the attractive Betazoid pilot maneuvered her fingers over the computer console. He longed to take control of the tiny shuttle, even if it was just a short range shuttle. Up ahead he could see the claw like structure of Deep Space Nine. Standing up, he tugged on the uniform that Starfleet insisted he wear on this god forsaken mission and approached the pilot.

"Stadi," he said, coming up behind her. "You're changing my mind about Betazoids." He had always found their species, intriguing, to say the least, but this woman was nothing like the Betazoids he had known previously.

She didn't take her eyes off her work. "Good."

"Oh that wasn't a compliment," he said. "Until today, I always thought your people as warm and sensual."

"I can be warm and sensual," she replied, there was a slight smirk on her face.

"Just not to me?" He asked.

"Do you always fly at women at warp speed Mister Paris?" Stadi questioned, cocking an eyebrow.

"Only when they're in visual range," Tom flirted. It was a one way street though, she wasn't buying it. She seemed more interested in her work than in him.

As they came closer to the space station, Tom could see a ship docked there. "That's our ship," Stadi said, proudly. "That's _Voyager_." She steered the shuttle towards the vessel, going slowly around the warp nacelles, and then flying it out over the hull so Tom could get a good look at it. "Intrepid Class, sustainable cruising speed of warp 9.975; fifteen decks, crew compliments of a 141; bio-neural circuitry."

"Bio-neural?" he questioned, he had never heard of such a thing before. But then again it had been a while since he had been in the 'know' about such things in Starfleet. His father never told him anything anymore, in fact the man barely communicated with him at all.

Tom stood, moving around her chair, and leaned against the console, trying to get a better look at Starfleet's newest design. It was impressive, small but powerful. Stadi was still talking about the circuitry, something about it being more efficient and using gel packs, but he wasn't listening. His eyes were transfixed on a ship that Captain Janeway was never going to let him fly.

This thought saddened him, because he knew he was the best pilot that she could possibly have on that ship. He could almost picture the ship weaving in and out of the plasma storms in the Badlands. He had seriously doubted Janeway when she said that her ship could maneuver through them. But now, seeing it, he figured that ship could fly through anything, especially at the speed it could reach. _Incredible_, he thought.

The shuttle was soon docked and Stadi informed him that he had about an hour or so before he had to report in. He tried to get her to accompany him for a drink on the station, but she refused, telling him that she had some work to do on the ship before they left.

"Your loss," he told her grabbing his travel duffel and slinging it over his shoulder. With the bag firmly in place, Tom made his way out of the shuttle and onto the station. It was good to be out and about again, even if his freedom did have certain strings attached to it. It was better than being at that penal colony in New Zealand doing mindless jobs for the Federation. And if all went well, Janeway would give him a good review and perhaps he could get out on good behavior. There was no where to go from here but up, he concluded. _And out of the Federation forever, _he thought recalling his conversation with his mother before he'd left Earth.

Tom looked about the busy station. He had an hour to explore and do what he wished pretty much. The only place he really wanted to check out was the bar owned by a Ferengi civilian, by the name of Quark. A fellow prisoner at the colony had talked about it.

It was something to do anyways before he had to report to _Voyager._

Stepping inside the bar he took in the sights, ordered a drink, dropped the duffel bag and proceeded to watch as a young Asian man was about to become a victim of Ferengi 'sales.' After several seconds of watching the young man fumble over his words, and the bar tender start to rant and rave that he was going to report the young man to his commanding officer, Tom decided to play the Good Samaritan and intervene.

With his mug firmly placed in his hand, he stepped up to the bar. "Dazzling aren't they," he said, reaching into the tray of stones that the Ferengi was trying to sell. He picked one up in his fingers and looked at it more closely. "As bright as a Kolodan diamond."

Quark slapped the stone out of Tom's hand. "Brighter."

"Hard to believe that you can find them on any planet in the system."

"That's an exaggeration."

Tom finished his drink in one swallow, informing the young man, who had called himself Harry Kim, that he could find the gemstones on a nearby colony, selling for little money. "How much are you selling these for?" he inquired of the Ferengi bar owner.

"We were just about to negotiate the price," the Ferengi replied.

Harry closed the tray in front of him and got up to leave with Tom when he said he was going. "Thanks," he told the new acquaintance, as Tom picked his travel bag up off the floor.

Tom slung the bag over his shoulder and smiled. "Didn't they tell you about Ferengi at the Academy?"

The two shared a few more good hearted laughs on their way to _Voyager's _docking port. Tom was pleased to find that there was one person in Starfleet that didn't know about him or his past; but he was sure that it wouldn't take long for someone to tell this young ensign on his first mission what he had done.

Once on board the vessel, Tom was surprised to find that such a small vessel had such nice corridors, not as spacious as a Galaxy class, but it was roomy enough that people could pass without bumping shoulders. The two made their way to sickbay so Tom could check in to see if his medical records had arrived.

"Can I help you?" the Doctor asked as Harry and Tom stepped inside sickbay.

"Tom Paris reporting on board."

The Doctor turned his attention to the hypo spray in his hand. "Oh yes, the observer."

"That's me," Paris said, maybe a bit too defensively, but he didn't care. The CMO obviously didn't think highly of him.

The Doctor glared at him briefly before going to administrate the newly modified hypo spray to his patient. The nurse was standing at the head of the surgical biobed, looking over some data on a PADD. She was a Vulcan and seemed highly uninterested in what was going on expect the patient lying on the biobed.

"As a matter of fact I seem to be observing some kind of problem right now, Doctor," Paris snapped, seeing the look on the Doctor's face. He had expected some hostile feelings from the crew of _Voyager, _he was after all a convicted felon, however, it didn't negate the fact that it still irked him that he was being treated with such disrespect.

The Doctor only glanced at him once while giving his patient the medicine. "I was a surgeon at the hospital on Caldik Prime when you were stationed there. We never actually met." Here he dropped any mention of the past and continued on his work and PADD in his hand. "Your medical records have arrived from your last posting, Mister Paris. Everything seems to be in order. The Captain asked if you were on board, you should check in with her." He finished stepping right into Paris' face.

The two men glared at each other for a moment before Harry, silent until now, spoke up. "Uh, I haven't paid my respects to the Captain either." He didn't know what Tom had done in the past to garner such feelings of tension, but he was going to do what it took to deviate it a bit. _Where was the ship's counselor when you really needed her?_ Harry thought, eyes searching the face of his new friend.

The Doctor turned his attention to the young man. "Well Mister Kim, that would be a good thing for a new operations officer to do," he replied, before disappearing into his office.

Paris and Kim exchanged glances before they left the sickbay. As they walked, Harry Kim asked his new friend a question, "What was that all about?"

"It's a long story Harry and I'm tired of telling it," Paris snapped. "Besides, I'm sure someone here will tell you before long." The two men stepped into a turbo lift. "Come on," Paris whispered. "The Captain's waiting for us."

* * *

With a tug on her uniform to make sure it was presentable, Sarah Barrett reached out and activated the door chime of Kathryn Janeway's ready room. Nervously she waited to be admitted; this was their first meeting face to face. Rumor had it that Janeway had been presenting at her sentencing hearing, but Sarah had been going through severe withdrawal from the drugs that she couldn't even recall parts of the whole trial.

When the door slid open she was half expecting to see the children running around wildly, however, it was quiet, and the Captain was seated on her sofa reading over a PADD. Sarah felt slightly embarrassed that she thought Janeway wouldn't have taken care of her children first before getting to work, after all Cavit had mentioned that she had been busy taking care of other things when Sarah had beamed on board.

"You requested to see me ma'am," Sarah said, stepping into the room.

Kathryn looked up from what she was doing to see her new counselor standing there. She had only seen the young woman once in person, when she had gone to offer Gabriel her support at the sentencing hearing. The Lieutenant had changed since that hearing almost a year ago. Where there had been a broken and defeated young officer sitting in a defendant's chair, now stood a young woman who had regained some of her confidence. "I did," she replied, placing the PADD on the coffee table. "Commander Cavit tells me that you're already testing the waters, young lady."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I had to know where he stood on Mister Paris and our mission," Sarah told her, flinching slightly.

"You're not in trouble," Kathryn told her, standing up. "In fact, I like officer's who…test the waters. It's one of the reasons I chose you, Sarah. You were unorthodox in your days on the _Explorer. _Commander Fletcher thought very highly of you."

"Permission to speak freely, ma'am," Sarah requested, her eyes locking with the Captain's.

"Permission granted," Kathryn said.

"I know your relation to Captain Dawson, ma'am," the young woman said. "I'm sure that you took me on because you felt sorry for me and perhaps had some coaxing by Captain Dawson himself, but I'm not some washed up officer. I can do this job for you ma'am."

Kathryn cocked an eyebrow. "Well, you do like testing the waters, don't you?" The Captain crossed her arms over her chest for a moment. "And to clear the air, Sarah, I didn't choose you because of Gabriel coaxing me, in fact, he thought I was taking a big risk on you, only out of rehab six months, but your service record indicates you're worth taking the risk. If you perform like you did on the _Explorer _then I'd say you can do this job for me."

She gestured for the young woman to sit down. Sarah reluctantly did so, her posture still stiff.

"Do you want to know one of the _real _reasons I chose you Sarah?" Kathryn questioned her. The young woman nodded her head. "I chose you because of your study of the Borg. You spent months psychologically analyzing them, even going as far as to 'abduct' a drone, serving it from the Collective to see what happened to it. There were many in Starfleet that thought this a cruel course of action to take, seeing how no one knew what would happen once a drone was removed from the hive deliberately. Your work is well known throughout the Federation, even if it was a little unorthodox."

"I wouldn't compare the Maquis to the Borg ma'am. They are both entirely different entities," Sarah replied. "I'm not sure if my skills or experience with studying the Borg are going to help you."

Kathryn sat down on the sofa with her. "Maybe, maybe not. The Borg are considered terrorists for what they do; some consider the Maquis terrorists. Your thesis at the Academy was about terrorist cells on Cardassia Prime. You know how groups like this operate, you know how to get inside their mind, and that's what I need right now."

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Would you like me to abduct a Maquis ma'am? For further study?"

The humor was not lost on the Captain. "No, that won't be necessary," she replied with a faint smile. "What's necessary is that my crew understands how these people think. They're different from us, Sarah; they don't have regulations like we do. They're unpredictable. I'm going to need all the help I can get.

"That's why you asked Tom Paris to come on board, isn't it, Captain?" Sarah inquired.

Kathryn nodded her head. "What about Tom Paris? What are your thoughts on him?"

"He'll help you Captain, if he feels he can get something out of it," Sarah replied, coldly. "I've been reading over his file, he's got the skills to be a great Starfleet officer, he just lacks the attitude of what it takes to be a good officer."

"I tend to agree with you," Kathryn let out a heavy sigh and stood up, Sarah followed suit. "The last of the crew has reported in. We're just waiting for the approval from Ops for departure. I'd like you to study any profiles we have on Commander Chakotay's crew. I want to know what kind of people I'm bringing on board my ship."

"Captain, speaking of bringing people on ship, can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Why are your children here?"

Kathryn stared at her for a moment. Cavit had also informed her, when they had spoken about the young woman questioning where his duty lay, that she had also shown a displeasure in the children being brought on board. The Captain had been expecting this to come up. "I'm aware that you and other officers aren't happy with the situation, to be honest with you, neither am I at times. However, Lieutenant, my personal business is mine and mine alone. If I chose to bring my children on this trip, then I chose to bring my children on this trip, understood?"

Sarah nodded her head as the door chimed again.

"Come in," the Captain called out.

The door to the port entrance of the ready room swished open. Sarah watched as two young men strode into the room, knowing that it was Harry Kim and Tom Paris from the pictures in their personnel files. Tom stood a little ways behind Harry, his hands crossed in front of him. He looked as cocky and arrogant as his picture.

"Gentlemen," Kathryn greeted. "Welcome aboard _Voyager_." She gestured towards Sarah. "This is Lieutenant Barrett, ship's counselor. If you have any personal issues I suggest that you speak to her."

Harry looked exceedingly nervous, eying the Captain and Counselor. "Thank you sir," he finally addressed Kathryn.

"Mister Kim," the Captain addressed the young Asian man, "at ease before you sprain something." Tom repressed a chuckle as Harry tried to relax. "Ensign," Kathryn continued, stepping up to him, "despite Starfleet protocol I don't like being addressed as sir."

"I'm sorry…ma'am," Kim said, pausing briefly.

Kathryn nodded her head. "Ma'am is acceptable in a crunch, but I prefer Captain." She looked at Paris, then Barrett, and then back to Kim. "We're getting ready to leave. Let me show you to the bridge." Stepping around the young men, Sarah following behind her, Kathryn led the group out onto the Bridge. "Did you have any problems getting here Mister Paris?"

With one little peek back at Kim, Paris replied, "Not at all, _Captain_."

Harry Kim looked around the bridge like an awestruck child for a moment until he saw that the Captain was trying to introduce them to someone.

"My first officer, Lieutenant Commander Cavit," Kathryn was saying, gesturing to the graying man standing to the right of the group. "Ensign Kim, Mister Paris," she finished, nodding to each man when she said their name.

Cavit reached out and took Kim's hand and shook it. "Welcome aboard," he said warmly to the young ensign. There was however, no warm welcome for Paris. Cavit eyed him with a hostile look and only took his hand when Paris offered it to him. He didn't bother to say anything to the man though, and averted his eyes during the whole hand sake.

This had been the reaction that Sarah Barrett had been expecting from the Commander, and he knew it as well, because the moment he broke the hand shake and stepped away from Paris, his eyes flickered to her stern looking face briefly. Crossing her arms over her chest she watched as the man went to make small talk with Stadi, the helmsmen. The Captain was showing Harry to his station and Paris was standing near her, observing the silent battle going on between First Officer and Counselor. Glancing at the latter, he realized she was a pretty little thing, with a fierce look in her sapphire eyes. Her dark brown hair, which was almost black in the light, was pulled back into a tight French twist, showing off her perfect facial structure. In another place or time, Tom may have seriously thought about asking her on a date.

The First Officer was looking over his shoulder at Janeway, and doing his best to avoid Barrett's glare. Tom found it highly amusing how two small women had made two different Starfleet officers nervous; first Janeway practically had Harry quaking in his boots, and now Barrett was making Cavit do everything in his power to avoid her piercing eyes.

With a small nod of her head, Janeway had told Cavit what to do. "Lieutenant Stadi, lay in our course and clear our departure with operations," Cavit said, descending the steps towards the Conn station. He was happy to see that Lieutenant Barrett went to take her own seat, crossing her ankles and placing the palms of her hands on the bench.

"Course entered. Ops has cleared us," Stadi reported.

"Ready thrusters," Cavit ordered Kim.

"Thrusters ready," Kim responded.

"Initiate launching sequence," Cavit commanded. Kathryn sat down in her command chair. She leaned back in her chair, feeling a familiar exhilaration that she always did while starting out on a mission. It had been a long time since she had felt this way, a real long time.

"Sequence under way," Stadi's voice answered.

"Engage," Kathryn ordered.

The ship pulled away from Deep Space Nine, gracefully floating away from the structure like a butterfly, and flew off into space, in route to find the missing Maquis ship and their missing crewman, Tuvok.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Voyager, or the ship, or any of the technology, and some of the dialogue in this chapter, those all belong to Paramount and I'm making no money off of it._

A/N: New scene added to the beginning of this chapter. I've given a name to the Chief Engineer in this chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

_Voyager's _conference room wasn't as grand as some of the other ones he had seen in his day, but Tom Paris reasoned it was functional. Sarah Barrett herself had requested that he join the senior staff for a briefing. She hadn't said what admiral would be briefing them, but she had mentioned something about a conference call. She had made it a point to walk in with him; she wanted the officers who opposed of him to know she wouldn't stand for it.

"What is _he _doing here?" Commander Cavit asked hotly.

Sarah raised her chin slightly as she took her seat. "I asked him to be here, Commander. He is after all here to help us find the Maquis."

Derek Evans, the Chief Engineer, leaned back in his chair with a scowl on his face. "We're perfectly capable of finding the Maquis in our own," he grumbled.

Tom noticed Sarah's response was a hard glare at that man, which made him divert his eyes. _She's two for two, _he thought whimsically as he took his seat next to her. He was happy for the support, he needed all of it that he could get. Glancing across the table he met the eyes of Harry Kim. He was certain at some point during this three week mission that even young, ambitious Harry would see him for what he really was, a screw up and no body wanted to be friends with a screw up.

Kathryn Janeway walked briskly into the room and called the meeting to order. "We'll be receiving an update from Headquarters any minute. Has there been any sign of the Maquis?"

"None yet," Kim replied. "Short and long range sensors are picking up nothing; we appear to be the only ship in this sector of space."

"I haven't detected any other warp trails in the vicinity," Stadi said. "We're still following the trails of the Gul Evek's ship and the _Val Jean._"

Janeway curtly nodded her head. "Keep all sensors scanning for that ship." The comline beeped then and she pressed a button on a panel near her chair. "Janeway."

"_We're receiving a transmission from Admiral Hanson, Captain."_

"Patch him through."

"_Aye Captain."_

Tom turned his chair about, not looking forward to this message. Hanson had been one of the admirals adamant that he be ushered out of Starfleet permanently. The good Admiral was probably not happy that Janeway had asked to use him on this mission. The Admiral's face soon filled the viewscreen. He looked older and more haggard than Tom had last seen him.

"Captain Janeway," Hanson began, "I wish I had some good news to bring you. Unfortunately we still haven't heard from Mister Tuvok. Headquarters believes that the ship was lost in the Badlands. It's your mission now to bring in the wreckagec for further analysis."

"What exactly are we looking for?" Janeway questioned.

"Leave that for us to determine, Captain, Hanson out."

The screen went black and Janeway quickly ushered the senior staff back to work, except Sarah. Tom caught a glance of her lingering behind to speak with the Captain before the doors shut and he went about his business.

Janeway stood at the head of the table, palms leaning against the surface. "Your opinion on that message."

"I'm not sure how they could determine that the _Liberty _had been destroyed when there has been no sign of wreckage. As for what we're looking for, I'm not sure. There's been speculation that a Federation ship was responsible for shooting the _Val Jean _down, but it's just speculation," Sarah answered. "If it was, then Headquarters has a bigger problem that the Maquis on their hands."

The Captain shook her head. "A ship just doesn't disappear without a trace like this."

Sarah stiffened slightly. "Captain, the Badlands aren't your average trip through space. Plasma storms could completely destroy a ship without leaving a trace. There have been lots of ships that have disappeared without a trace."

Janeway grinned sadly. "At least in those cases traces of _something _had been found. We're grasping at straws here."

"Isn't that part of our job, ma'am?"

"I suppose it is, Counselor," Janeway said, with a wave of her hand. "Thank you, you're dismissed."

Sarah left the room to find Tom standing outside waiting for her. "Thanks, for sticking up for me."

"I'm just doing my job," she said, getting into a turbo lift.

Tom followed her. "I know what people think of me, it can't be easy doing your job."

"Deck two," Sarah ordered the lift. She looked patiently at Tom.

"That's where I'm going too."

Sarah didn't think it was coincidence. "Perhaps you don't know a lot about me Mister Paris, but I'm not a fan favorite around here either. My job was going to be rough from the start whether or not you were here."

"You wound me, Counselor," Tom said. "Here I thought it was because you liked me."

The lift doors opened. Sarah led the way out, glancing over her shoulder at Paris. His grey-blue eyes were fixed upon her face in a look that she had seen far too often from men, but there was something different about his look, she just couldn't put her finger on it. "Tell me something, Paris, were you born this arrogant or did you learn it over time."

Tom quirked a grin. "That's not arrogance, sweetheart, it's charm."

"Sorry, I get them confused all the time," Sarah said, typing in the access code to her office.

"Don't worry about it; join me for lunch?"

"I have a date...with a few personnel reports," Sarah said, slipping into her office. The door slid shut and she closed her eyes and sighed. She shouldn't like him, he really was cocky, arrogant and self-centered, but she couldn't help it. For whatever reason Sarah liked Tom Paris but there was no way she was ever going to admit it to him, that would only make him even more cocky, and the ship didn't need that.

* * *

The mess hall seemed to be the place if you wanted a lot of social interactions. There were at least twenty people in the room when Tom Paris had entered, one of them being Harry Kim sitting with the First Officer and the Doctor. There was no doubt in his mind that the officers were telling young Harry all about what he had done previously to land him jail. He found that it made his blood boil, because Harry had been the only one to be civil to him, with the exception of Janeway, and that pretty counselor, Sarah Barrett. Paris tried to ignore the angry feelings as he went to one of the replicators.

"Tomato soup," he ordered the computer, his eyes glancing over his shoulder at the group. The CMO and Cavit were facing him and both saw him looking their way. For a brief moment their eyes met in glares, but Tom turned back to the computer when it started to babble at him.

"_There are fourteen varieties of tomato soup available from this replicator_," the computer responded, beginning to list off all of them. Paris rolled his eyes. All he wanted was a bowl of tomato soup and the blasted computer had to go into a full blown out menu.

"You need to be specific," a small voice said.

He glanced down to see a small boy standing next to him. He was unaware that there were children on board the ship and the sight of a five year old shocked him. The kid was of average height for his age, with short dark hair and dazzling blue eyes. Paris couldn't help but feel he had seen the boy's face somewhere before.

"Plain," Paris instructed the computer. It stopped its listing.

Before the computer could reply, the boy said, "You're going to have to be more specific than that."

"_Hot or chilled?_" the computer asked. Sure enough the kid had been right.

Paris found that he did not like it when the boy was right. He scowled at the replicator. "Hot, plain, tomato soup!" It materialized before him and as he took the tray in his hands, he saw the Doctor and First Officer get up to leave. But as he tried to move, he found that the boy was still standing there looking at him. "Can I help you with something?" he asked, stiffly.

"Mama says you're from jail," the child quipped.

"That's right," Paris said with a huff. "Who's your mother kid?"

"Captain Janeway," the boy replied.

Paris raised his eyebrows. No one wonder the kid had looked familiar to him; he was a spitting image of Janeway. Paris had not even been aware that the Captain had a child on board. _Guess I should have paid more attention to the gossip that wasn't about Sarah Barrett_, he thought, as he tried to move away to go have a seat with Harry, but the kid just would not move. "Is there something else?" he asked, exasperated.

"You worked for the Maquis," Michael stated.

"Yeah, not for long though."

"Mama says you got caught, that's why you were in jail," the boy said.

_Is there anything that Janeway has not told her kid about? _Paris thought suddenly, with a little bit of anger. Apparently nothing was going to be sacred on this trip; even a child knew about his past. "Yeah, I worked for the Maquis," he said, bitterly. "And got caught; now can I go eat my soup?"

"Sure, but you're not going to like it," the kid countered. "The replicator's food is awful."

"Then why are you down here?" Paris couldn't help but snap.

"Ava wanted chocolate milk."

"You couldn't have gotten that in your quarters?" Paris questioned, wondering who Ava was. Did the Captain have more children that he wasn't aware of?

"Well…" the boy began to say as Cavit stepped up.

"Michael you've wasted enough of Mister Paris' time," he said. "Move along now; your mother made it clear that you're to stay in your quarters, unless you're with her."

The child scampered away. Cavit just gave Paris a stern look before he too left the mess hall. Tom was finally able to go and have a seat with Harry. He set his tray down across from the young ensign who was looking at him sternly. He immediately knew what had transpired. It was only a matter of time before someone told the young Harry what Tom had done. "There you see, I told you it wouldn't take long," he said, sitting down.

"Is it true?" Harry asked.

"Was the accident my fault? Yes. Pilot error, but it took me a while to admit it." He took a bite of his soup and found that Michael Janeway had been right; it was awful. He pushed the tray away from him. "Ugh, fourteen varieties and they can't even get plain tomato soup right."

Harry ignored him. "They said you falsified reports."

"That's right."

"Why?"

"What's the difference?" Tom asked. "I lied."

Harry frowned at him. "But then you came forward and admitted it was your fault."

Tom straightened slightly. "I'll tell you the truth Harry. All I had to do was keep my mouth shut and I was home free. But I couldn't," he looked at Harry mockingly. "The ghost of those three dead officers came to me in the middle of the night and taught me the true meaning of Christmas."

Harry rolled his eyes at the sarcastic remark.

Tom looked down at the table for a moment, thinking of what to say next. "So I confessed. Worst mistake I ever made, but not my last. After they cashiered me out of Starfleet I went out looking for a fight and found the Maquis. And on my first assignment I was caught."

"It must have been especially tough for you being the son of an admiral," Harry replied.

Tom looked angry. "Frankly I think it was tougher on my father than it was on me." He picked his tray up and began to leave, looking down at Harry. "Look I know those guys told you to stay away from me, and you know what? You ought to listen to them. I'm not exactly a good luck charm." He started to walk away again but Harry turned around to look at him with a slight smile on his face.

"I don't need anyone to chose my friends for me," he informed Tom.

"_Janeway to Paris_," the Captain's voice came over the comm.

"Go ahead," Paris said.

"_Report to the bridge. We're approaching the Badlands_."

* * *

When Kim and Paris entered the bridge, Janeway was the one to inform them that they had approximated the Maquis' course. The two young men exchanged glances before Harry went to his station to take over. Janeway went around the tactical station and down the steps to sit in her seat; Cavit was instructing Stadi to adjust their course to the new coordinates.

Sarah Barrett was seated next to Janeway's chair, a PADD in her hand. Her deep blue eyes were running over the report, but Tom knew she was watching him. He had called her service record up after meeting her in the ready room. She was a lot like him in certain senses, the child of an Admiral, spent some time in prison for dereliction of duty and drug rehab afterwards. Janeway had probably asked her to come on board for her expertise in terrorists, not for her counseling skills. Although, he didn't doubt she knew what she was doing, since she had been one of the first people in Starfleet to issue a report on the psychological mind of the Borg Collective. If she could break down the Borg, she could break down a simple human.

"The Cardassians claim that they forced the Maquis ship into a plasma storm where it was destroyed," Janeway was informing Paris, who was following behind her to the command station. Her voice brought him out of his intense thoughts on Barrett. "But our probes haven't picked up any debris."

"The plasma storm might not leave any debris," Paris offered.

Janeway looked at him thoughtfully from her chair. "We'd still be able to pick a residence trace from the warp core." She faintly heard a warning beep going off at the ops station.

"Captain," Kim said, studying his controls. "I'm reading a coherent tetryon beam scanning us."

Janeway looked up at him. "Origin Mister Kim?"

Kim shook his head, typing at his controls. "I'm not sure, there's also a displacement wave moving towards us."

"On screen," Janeway ordered, turning to look at the view screen. The Badlands came into view, but with an energy wave spanning the pink clouds, quickly approaching her ship. She felt a lump forming in her throat.

"That's no plasma storm," Barrett bluntly stated, anxiety laced in her voice.

"Analysis," Janeway ordered Kim, feeling her own anxiety growing.

"Some kind of polarized magnetic variation," Kim answered her.

"We might be able to disperse it with a graviton particle field," Cavit suggested from his position behind Stadi.

"Do it," Janeway ordered him. He moved away from the conn and quickly moved to tactical. "Red alert," Janeway said, standing up, Paris behind her. The lights on the bridge dimmed as the alarm sounded, flooding the cabin in a red glow. "Move us away from it Lieutenant," she ordered Stadi.

Stadi quickly complied. "New heading four one mark one zero eight," the Betazoid announced.

The ship lurched to its new course trying to outrun the displacement wave.

"Initiating graviton field," Cavit announced from tactical.

Janeway watched on the screen as the graviton field was dispersed into the displacement wave. A warning blare from Ops told her what she needed to know before Kim announced that the field had no effect. The wave was still moving towards them. "Full impulse," she told Stadi. However faster they seemed to go, the wave seemed to match. She felt her heart quicken. The wave had the potential to tear her ship apart, killing her crew along with herself and her children. _I should have listened to my mother! My children are going to die because of my selfishness!_

"The wave will intercept us in twelve seconds," Kim announced. It sounded like a death sentence to Janeway's ears.

"Can we go to warp," she asked, anxiously.

"Not until we clear the plasma field, Captain," Stadi replied, nervously looking up at the view screen at the fast approaching displacement wave.

"Five seconds!"

"Brace for impact!" Janeway ordered turning about to find her chair as a bright light engulfed the bridge. She was just getting there when there was a flash of white light and the ship was thrown about violently. She grabbed a hold of whatever she could but it was no use. The power of the wave hitting the ship forced her hands to lose their grip on the arms of her chair that she was clinging too and she was slammed onto the deck, where for a few brief seconds everything went black.

When she came too she managed to crawl up on her knees. There was smoke in the cabin, mangled pieces of pipes hanging down from the ceiling, and sparks emitting from broken power lines and conduits. The lights were low. Glancing about she noticed her First Officer lying on his back near the conn station. Janeway pushed her self up onto her knees and crawled towards the injured Cavit. He had been trying to get back to his chair as well when the wave hit. Hair in her face, she placed a hand to Cavit's neck to find a pulse but there was none. Taking the dead officer's hand in her own she closed her eyes briefly and said a silent prayer.

"Report!" she yelled over her shoulder to a hopefully unharmed Harry Kim.

Kim had been thrown from his station but was not hurt. He quickly rushed over to his beeping controls. "Hull breach, deck fourteen. comm lines to Engineering are down. I'm trying to reestablish," Kim announced.

Janeway got to her feet and went to the nearest station, moving Paris out of the way by gently touching his arm. "Repair crews seal off hull breach on deck fourteen," she ordered, accessing the computer to hopefully locate her children. _Oh please, don't let them be hurt,_ she prayed to herself. She heard an "Aye captain," come over the comm. line but she was not sure who it was. Her mind was in a state of flux; she had to find the children.

"Casualty reports coming in," tactical said. "Sickbay is not responding."

"Bridge to sickbay," Janeway called. There was no answer. "Doctor, can you hear me?" she asked, glancing to her left. She noticed Paris at her feet, leaning over an injured Stadi. The young woman's dark eyes were frozen open in pain and horror; blood covered her face and uniform. "Paris how's Stadi?" she asked, fearing the answer.

"She's dead," Paris answered, softly making eye contact with the Captain. The older woman looked away from him. He moved about on the floor trying to gain his bearings. That's when he saw Barrett, laying on back at the foot of her chair. She had a gash running down the length of her face and from where he was situated it appeared that she was not breathing. He crawled towards her and checked for a pulse. It was fairly strong and she was breathing. He guessed that the blow to the head had knocked her out and she had a concussion.

Pulling out his tricorder he hoped that he could get some form of readings on her even if the instrument he was holding in his hand wasn't a medical tricorder. The tiny device managed to give him her vitals but other than that, he wasn't sure the extent of her injuries.

Barrett groaned and her eyes opened slightly to look at him. "Paris?" she whispered.

"Hold on," he told her, putting the tricorder away. "You have a nasty cut on your head, maybe even a concussion and it looks like you took a pretty good tumble out of your seat there. You should lay here until we can get you to sickbay."

"Help me up," she instructed him.

"Counselor, you really shouldn't move until a crew can take you to sickbay."

She reached out and grabbed a hold of his upper arm and used it to force her self up into a sitting position. "Damn it, Paris, I'm fine! Now help me up! That's an order!"

He hated how she had pulled the rank on him to get what she wanted but did as he was told, stating, "I don't think your in much a position to be ordering me around, but have it your way." She made it to her feet, but not without a few wobbles before she could gain her own bearings. Immediately she went to help the others. _Like a true Starfleet officer_, Paris observed going to stand besides Janeway who was furiously running her fingers over the conn.

"Is the main computer up?" Janeway was yelling at tactical. She had a frayed tone to her voice and Paris immediately thought of the little boy in the mess hall. The woman was trying to find her kids. He came to stand besides her and began using the controls, while Rollins replied that the main computer was off line.

_Of course, it would be too easy to ask the computer where the kids were_, Tom thought as he accessed the internal sensors. It would be easy enough to refine them to search for two human children, since they were the only youths on the ship; it was just going to take a little bit longer than asking the computer.

Janeway was growing increasingly more frustrated. All she wanted to do at that moment was locate her children but everyone yelling different reports at her kept her from doing what she desired. It was making her mind go in what felt like five thousand directions. She wasn't sure what problem she should focus on first; there were just so many of them she didn't know where to start.

"Captain, there's something out there," Kim announced.

She rolled her eyes. "I need a better description than that Mister Kim."

"I don't know… I'm reading," he paused, "I'm not sure what I'm reading."

Janeway felt helpless, confused. The wave should have ripped the ship apart in the Badlands but somehow it was here, all in one piece, mostly. It was something that she was going to have to figure out later. Right now, they had more pressing matters. She opened her mouth to say something to Kim when Paris whispered, "The kids are okay, they're in your quarters, and life signs are strong."

She looked at him gratefully and silently acknowledged him. "Can you get the view screen operational?" she asked Kim.

"I'm trying," Kim responded. Suddenly the static on the view screen disappeared to show a massive array with several arms in the middle of space. It was dispersing a pulse of energy every few seconds that shot out into the distance of space. Janeway or anyone on the bridge for that matter had not seen anything like it ever and it was mesmerizing. _What is going on? _Janeway thought. _There were no reports of a space station anywhere near the Badlands. _She heard another beeping noise from the operations station.

"Captain if these sensors are working. We're over 70,000 light years from where we were. We're on the other side of the galaxy," Kim announced.

Paris glanced at Janeway whose eyes were locked on the array. _This is not what I had bargained for, _he thought.

"Captain, the Maquis ship is out there, but I'm not reading any life signs," Kim reported.

Janeway stepped around a crew taking Stadi's body off of the bridge. "What about on that…that array?" she questioned stepping up to Kim's station. She glanced over her shoulder at the alien array. A few minutes ago they had been in the Badlands and now her new operations officer was telling her that her ship had been hurled across the galaxy, over seventy thousand light years from home. This isn't how she had envisioned the mission to retrieve the Maquis to go. Then again, she reasoned, nothing every seemed to go right when you were a Starfleet officer. It was just a part of the job.

"Our sensors can't penetrate it," Kim's voice cut through her thoughts.

"Any idea what those pulses are coming from it Mister Kim?"

"Massive burst of radon energy. They seemed to be directed towards a nearby G-type star system."

"Try hailing the array," Janeway said, making her way up to the command station. There was a comm. signal as she did so.

"_Engineering to bridge. We have severe damage. The Chief's dead. Possibility of a warp core breach._"

Janeway took a deep breath before turning about. "Secure all engineering systems! I'm on my way." As she passed by Kim he looked at her gravely.

"No response from the array," he told her.

"Ensign, get down to sickbay. See what's going on," Janeway ordered Kim, she looked over at tactical. "Sarah the bridge is yours," she said disappearing into the turbo lift.

Paris turned about to see Kim get into another turbo lift. He sprinted towards the lift, calling, "Harry, wait for me." He grabbed a hold of Sarah's arm, who had been helping Rollins. "Come on Counselor, time to get fixed up, and I won't take no for an answer. You're not going to be able to pull rank on me this time."

"But," Sarah sputtered, "Captain Janeway left me in charge of the bridge."

"And you're not fit to command right now."

His grip was too tight for her to attempt to break free. As he yanked her into the turbo lift she managed to yell out, "Mister Rollins you have the bridge!" She was just going to have to go unwillingly with Paris, throbbing head and all.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I own nothing the same old same old as the previous chapters_

A/N: No new additions to this chapter. Enjoy.

* * *

"Computer, activate the Emergency Medical Hologram," Harry Kim said as he threw some debris aside in sickbay.

When Harry and Tom, who had pulled Sarah Barrett all the way, entered the room they found a console near the surgical biobed on fire. The bodies of the CMO and the nurse were near by the console. While Harry had put out the fire, Tom had concluded that the CMO and nurse had been near the console when it blew, killing them instantly. _So we're over seventy thousand light years from home, without a doctor and a nurse. This isn't what I had in mind for my first mission,_ Harry thought as the hologram materialized in front of him.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency," a hard voice said.

Tom was helping wounded crewmen onto biobeds and glanced over his shoulder to see the hologram appear. It was a balding man with dark eyes. _They could have picked a more attractive projection, _he thought as the hologram began to sputter off orders in a hostile tone. _His bedside manner could be improved upon too. _

"Where is the physician assigned to this ship?" the hologram asked, shoving a crewman down onto a biobed.

"He's dead," Harry replied.

The hologram seemed impervious to this fact and went to examine the patient on the surgical biobed, reassuring them that he was perfectly capable of doing the job. He asked Harry for a drug that the young man had never heard of before.

"Trianoline?"

The hologram sighed, disgusted and went to retrieve the hypospray himself.

"We lost our nurse too," Tom informed him.

"How soon are replacements expected?" the Doctor asked, pressing the hypospray to the fleshy part of the neck, underneath the temple, to his patient on the surgical biobed.

Harry was the one to answer him. "That could be a problem; we're pretty far from replacements right now." The hologram was suddenly handing him the used hypospray as he moved onto the next patient, who happened to be Sarah Barrett. Harry glanced at the instrument in his hand, not sure what to do.

The Doctor gave him an instruction, asking for a tricorder. Harry absentmindedly handed the hologram his own device and went to stand on the other side of the biobed with Sarah on it. The hologram wasn't so pleased that he had been handed the wrong instrument. "Medical tricorder," he snapped, pressing the one that Harry handed him back into the young man's hand.

Harry placed the device back into his belt and went to grab the one that Tom was holding out to him. He brought it back to the EMH, who proceeded to pull out the hand scanner and run it over Sarah's body. The young woman watched him do so, her blue eyes following the scanner.

"A replacement must be requested as soon as possible," the hologram told no one in particular. "I am programmed only as a short term emergency supplement to the medical team."

"Well," Tom said, as he moved about the room between patients. "We maybe stuck with you for a while Doc."

The hologram moved away from the biobed and went to stand in front of Tom. "There's no need to worry. I am capable of treating any injury or disease." He turned about and faced Harry, at the side of the ship's counselor's bed. "No concussion, you'll be fine. Clean her up."

Tom and Harry exchanged glances before the former pilot went to grab a dermal regenerator. He ran the instrument over the gash on Sarah's head a few times and watched as the cut closed. He had taken a biochemistry class at the Academy and knew how to operate simple medical devices, such as the one in his hand. When the cut was healed, he offered Sarah a hand to help pull her up in a sitting position.

Briefly she touched her finger tips to the area where the cut had been. "Thanks," she told him, softly.

As he started to reply she disappeared before his eyes. Startled he looked about as more patients in the cabin began to disappear in a white whirl of light like Sarah. Soon he was gone too; the only one left in the room was the EMH, who was more angry than confused.

"This is the emergency medical holographic doctor speaking," he said, tapping his combadge. "I gave no one permission to be transported out of Sickbay." There was no response. "Hello? Sickbay to Bridge?" He let out a disgusted sigh. "I believe someone has failed to terminate my program, please respond."

Again there was no response, and he wondered how long he was going to have to wait for one.

* * *

Michael Janeway successfully pushed the cushions of the couch off of him. Peering around he could see that the quarters he shared with his mother and sister was a disaster. Furniture was toppled over, a vase was broken and the lights were flickering on and off. He could hear Ava screaming from her nursery, the violent ride that the ship had just taken had obviously woken her up.

Scrambling to his feet, Michael ran inside the room. His fourteen month old sister was standing up and clutching the sides of the crib for dear life. He noticed that the lights were flickering in this room as well and he could smell smoke from a burnt out console near by. He went to check to see if Ava was hurt. She wasn't, but she was terrified.

As was he, but he was the older brother, it was time for him to be brave.

He was too small to lower the side of the crib and pull Ava out so he went out into the living room. Swallowing hard, for he knew that he had to get Ava out of the crib on his own, he looked up for something to use to elevate him self. Dragging a discarded dining chair into the bedroom he lined it up against the crib. Ava was still wailing inside, but now was sitting on her bottom. Red faced she looked up at her brother as tears made tiny paths down her cheeks. "Don't worry Ava, I'm gonna get you out. Then we'll go find Mama."

As the boy managed to get the side of the crib down Ava disappeared in a whirl of white light. Startled he stepped back from the crib. "Ava?" Michael asked, before he too was whisked way by a foreign transporter beam.

When he rematerialized they were on a farm, like Indiana. Ava was sitting in the grass next to him, still crying and looking about cautiously. She immediately grasped onto his pant leg, afraid. A woman with curly hair was making her way across the porch and Michael felt like running in the other direction, even though she was enticing them with lemonade and sugar cookies. He was pretty sure that his mother wouldn't like him accepting food from people he didn't know.

Ava kept on crying, this time "Mama," being apparent in her wails. Michael tried picking her up, so they could go find their mother, but she was too big for him to carry and he soon toppled over into the grass, Ava squished beneath him. This only made her cry more.

_Mama, please come get us, _Michael thought, tears welling in his eyes. _I don't like it here!_

* * *

Kathryn Janeway pushed a corn stalk out of her way and tried to take in her surroundings. She had just been in engineering with Lieutenant Joe Carey, stabilizing the warp core when she had been transported here. She pulled out her tricorder and began scanning. She felt like she was back home in Indiana, but the tricorder was telling her that she had only transported from _Voyager_ a hundred kilometers. They were on the array.

In the distance she could see a farmhouse with a large wrap around porch. As she made her way closer to it, the small group of baffled crewmen that she was with met up with more crewmen; Tom Paris, Sarah Barrett, and Harry Kim among them. Paris and Kim had their tricorders out, scanning just like Kathryn was. The Counselor looked a little more apprehensive about it all. Perhaps it was because she had studied terrorist groups that abducted their enemies in ways similar to this. Whatever the reason they had been brought on board the array, Barrett was certain that it wasn't going to be good.

A woman was making her way across the farm porch with a tray in her hand. "Come up here! Come on, now! I have a pitcher of lemonade and some sugar cookies!" she exclaimed, setting the tray down on a small end table.

"Captain?" Paris questioned, arching his eyebrows and looking around.

She smiled slightly. "Don't believe your eyes Mister Paris. We've only transported one hundred kilometers. We're inside the array." She glanced around her. If she didn't know any better she would have guessed that she was somewhere in the Midwestern states of America. However, her readings on her tricorder were not lying; they definitely had not traveled very far. She heard Kim proclaim that there was no organic matter to speak of, save for themselves, and that they were in some type of holographic projection.

"Interesting," Barrett said. "It's as if they have chosen a place that we're familiar with to make us comfortable. Maybe this is how they initiate first contact."

"Well if that was the case all they had to do was hail us," Paris snapped sarcastically from her side. "Or better yet, why not have visited us in our own galaxy."

"It was a mere observation Paris, no need to jump down my throat," Barrett retorted.

"I wouldn't mind that," came the witty reply.

Barrett rolled her eyes and Kim and Janeway did their best to ignore the bickering.

Janeway's mind was easily taken off of the hormonal Tom Paris when she heard an all too familiar wail and jerked her head about to the house. On the lawn in front of the house were her children, Michael looking about confused and Ava wailing away. For a child that was not feeling well, there was certainly nothing wrong with her lungs, Janeway realized, sprinting across the yard. She placed her tricorder back into her belt and was soon kneeling in the grass at Michael's feet. The posture made her at eye level with her son and she gathered the boy into her arms. She had not seen the children since the displacement wave had hit the ship and she was relieved to see them unharmed, even though Paris had told her that they were fine on the Bridge.

Ava, still whimpering, wiggled her way in between her mother's arms and her brother. Janeway gently wrapped an arm around her, and as she pulled herself to her feet, lifted the baby off of the grass. Michael clutched tightly to her hand.

"Oh the poor dears," the woman on the porch said, looking at the children. "You all must be tired. Come have a cold drink."

Janeway held onto Ava firmly. "No, thank you," she said politely, following the woman. "My name is Kathryn Janeway; I'm captain of the Federation starship _Voyager_."

Either the woman had not heard her, was ignoring her, or just was not interested in what she had to say. Instead she smiled at little Ava. "Now make yourselves right at home. The neighbors will be here any minute," she said.

"Neighbors? What neighbors? I'm not picking up any life signs," Kim sputtered.

"That's because you're looking for a being that isn't there," Barrett told him, her eyes absentmindedly flicking about, cast towards the ground. "At least not in a sense that we're used too; we should be looking for a non-corporeal life form. That displacement wave should have torn us apart, but what if it was a non-corporeal being snatching us out of thin air so to speak?."

Janeway found that it was an interesting concept. It would explain the lack of finding organic life on the array besides her crew. But before she could instruct her officers to do the proper scans and searches, there was a flurry of activity.

The woman was excitedly making her way across the porch, waving her arms about in a friendly greeting. Suddenly she cried out, "Oh! Why here they are!"

Janeway, Barrett, Paris, Kim and the others with them all turned to see a group of people making their way through a gate. An elderly man was carrying a banjo; another woman was carrying a basket of food it appeared. They mingled into the crowd of Voyager crew members, greeting them with "howdys" and "good to see yous". The elderly man stepped up to Kim with a smile.

"Well, good to see you," the man said, taking Kim by the hand and shaking it. "Welcome." He moved away from Kim to allow a pretty young woman in a plaid dress step up to Kim. She gently touched him on the arm.

"We're real glad you stopped by," she said, smiling slyly at him.

Michael scrunched his nose up. "Mama what is going on?"

Janeway tightened her grip on Ava's waist and shook her head. "I don't know, Michael." She was just as confused as her son was. Why the array had chosen to transport them over here instead of hailing them, she wasn't certain. And if it was a non-corporeal being like Barrett had suggested, then what could it possible want with them? Use their technology for energy supplies? Just exploring the galaxy? The possibilities seemed to be endless.

The first woman they had seen was back on the porch announcing loudly, "Now we can get started! You're all invited to the Welcoming Bee!"

The old man made his way through the crowd of Starfleet personal and sat down on the stairs. "Let's have some music!" he cried and he started to strum away on his banjo. The farm people began to cheer and dance around, clapping their hands. Janeway and her crew could only look around bewildered.

* * *

Tom Paris made his way through the crowd of people towards Captain Janeway. She was standing in the middle of the "party" with Ava clinging tightly to her uniform and Harry Kim standing to her left. The "neighbors" were doing everything that they could to get the crew engaged in the party, asking them to dance, asking them for food, but the crew didn't want any part of it. They didn't know if these holographic projections could be trusted.

"The crew is scattered about this farm, Captain," Paris announced stepping up to join Janeway and Kim. "But they're all accounted for."

It made Janeway feel slightly better, but only slightly. "Move around. Scan the area. See if you can find anything that might be a holographic generator. " Janeway ordered Paris. The young man nodded his head and went off in one direction, Harry Kim behind him.

"The crew seems to be in good spirits, considering the circumstances," Sarah Barrett said, stepping up to Janeway as the two young men left. Her hair was mussed, dark strands falling out of her twist, but the cut down her face was gone. Janeway assumed that she must have been taken to sickbay after she had left the bridge. "No one is seriously injured, they can go for a while without seeing a doctor."

Janeway nodded her head. "Understood. Hopefully the Array won't keep us here long."

"Captain, I took the liberty to talk with some of our…hosts," Barrett told her.

Janeway raised an eyebrow in interest. "And what did you find?"

"Not much, but one thing did strike me as odd. When one of them asked me if I wanted something to drink, I declined. They insisted that it would make me feel more comfortable while I waited," Barrett answered her.

This peaked the Captain's interest even more. "Wait? What are we supposed to be waiting for?"

Barrett shook her head, loose strands of coffee hair blowing in the breeze. "I'm not sure. They wouldn't tell me. They just insisted that I have a glass of lemonade and relax. I have to admit, I don't think it would make me feel any better. The more I speak to them, the more worried I get."

"It has me worried too," Janeway replied. She noticed that Michael had wandered off a bit, enticed by a dog that looked a lot like the Janeways' Irish setter, Molly.

"Michael," she snapped. "Stay with me." The boy snapped to attention and ran over as the woman who "owned" the farmhouse came down the steps with a plate of corn on the cob. "Don't go wandering off like that. We don't know what's going on," she hissed and was surprised when the boy looked generally sorry.

"Oh we don't mean you any harm," the woman said, placing the plate of corn in her face. "The children can play if they like. Would you like some corn?"

Janeway shook her head. "Can you tell me why where here?" she asked.

"Oh we don't mean you any harm," the woman repeated. "I'm sorry if we put you out. Why don't you just put your feet up and get comfortable while you wait."

Janeway and Barrett exchanged glances. The Captain could feel why the young woman was anxious, after hearing the hologram speak like that. "Wait?" she inquired, hoping that maybe the hologram would give her some answers. "Wait for what?"

The woman ignored her last question and went about her way, apologizing for putting them out, and offering everyone corn. Janeway felt increasingly more frustrated by the minute. It was one thing to be whisked away from her ship, but another thing entirely to be whisked away across the galaxy and not get any answer out of the people that had taken them captive.

Ava tugged her uniform. Janeway had completely forgotten that she was holding onto the child in her frustration. "Mama," she cried, holding a tiny hand up to her right ear. Kathryn surmised that it was hurting again and it must have been almost time for Ava's treatment.

She ran a hand through Ava's auburn curls and smiled down at her. "Don't worry; everything's going to be alright."

"_Paris to Janeway_."

She tapped her combadge. "Janeway here." There was no response. "Paris?" she questioned, letting go of Michael's hand, and getting her tricorder out. She moved the device about to locate his signal. When she finally managed to pick it up she went to place Ava into Barrett's arms, so she could go find Paris, when the little girl screamed out, legs kicking wildly. Kathryn Janeway was not going anywhere, not if Ava Janeway had any say about it. Looking rather embarrassed, she bit the inside of her cheek.

"I can take a couple of officers to find them, ma'am," Barrett offered. Janeway nodded her head.

Barrett nodded towards a group of crewmen standing near by, and she took off with the officers down a path that wound its way around the house and down towards a barn. When she entered the barn's open doors she found that their hosts were all standing around, holding pitchforks at Paris and Kim. They parted to let her and the others come all the way into the barn. Paris was on the ground with blood trickling own the side of his mouth. He stood up and pushed his way past the girl to join his crew mates.

The woman who had greeted them first looked at Barrett. The friendly demeanor she had showed several moments before while offering Janeway's crew corn was suddenly gone replaced with a very unhappy hologram. "Very well, since no one seems to care for any corn we'll have to proceed a head of schedule."

Barrett got the feeling that whatever they had been waiting for was about to happen. It wasn't a good feeling at all. She wondered what these holograms, if that was what they were, could possibly want with her and the crew.

She went over every culture that she had studied in her time with Starfleet, if any of them held the secrets to what these 'beings' wanted with them now. We're they similar to the Borg? Were they going to assimilate them in some way? She found it odd that the Borg seemed so simple to her now, a collective of beings that were just striving for perfection. These people, if that was what you could call them, had ulterior motives, and to Sarah Barrett that tended to be scarier than being assimilated.

The barn suddenly faded away to reveal a long corridor, illuminated in blue lights. There were humanoid life forms suspended in mid air with a needle in their stomachs, connecting them to the array. Sarah felt a pit forming in her own stomach as her eyes fell upon the dark skinned, Vulcan security officer, Tuvok, who had been spying on the Maquis when the ship had disappeared. He was the whole reason that _Voyager_ was sent out to the Badlands, he had not reported in for a few days and Janeway had gotten worried that something had happened to him. Sarah recognized him from the personnel file that she had read on the journey from Deep Space Nine.

Sarah stepped forward a little, the rest of the Starfleet crew taking her lead.

Kim's dark eyes nervously looked upon a half Klingon woman and a human male with a tattoo over one eye. He felt his legs getting shaky; whatever was going to happen next was not going to be good.

They barely had time to register what was going on when the farmers disappeared and the entire crew was transported to be suspended as well.

Sarah found herself wedged between Harry Kim and a young crewman, whose name she could not remember because of her swirling emotions of fear and panic.

Kathryn Janeway suddenly found her self suspended in mid air. She tried to look about to see if she could find Ava and Michael, but all she could see was Tom Paris to her left and a wall to her right. She watched as a metal rod reached down from the ceiling and pressed against her abdomen, penetrating the skin and deeply embedding itself within her. She arched her back and cried out in pain before she fell into unconsciousness.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: Added a scene at the end of the chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

There was a bright light in her face and it was causing her head to throb. Slowly Sarah Barrett opened her eyes to take in her surroundings; the drab ceiling in sickbay greeted her. Sitting up slightly she saw that she was back on the ship, in the very same position she remembered being in before she had been taken to the array. She wondered how long they had been over there.

Sitting up, she felt a wave of nausea come over her. Groaning a little she thought _I feel like I have a hang over_. She caught movement out of the corner of her eye.

Tom Paris was nervously glancing around the cabin. Harry Kim was not where Tom had last seen him on _Voyager_; in sickbay. Every last member of the crew he could recall being there at the time of their abduction was there, except Harry. A pit the size of a boulder began to form in his stomach. Could Harry have died over there on that array? It was entirely possible that whatever the aliens had done to them had ended up killing some of the crew. Tom prayed that his negative line of thinking was proven wrong, but how else could he explain why everyone was put back in the place that they were last seen and Harry Kim had not? Tom dreaded that he had lost his only friend on this trip before he really got to know him.

"_Senior officers report to the bridge,_" the Captain's voice came over the comm. line, cutting through his thoughts.

Tom noticed Sarah jump down from her biobed looking like she was about to throw up everywhere. _Come to think of it_, he thought, _I feel the same way_.

"Excuse me, could someone explain what has transpired," the EMH was demanding to know from Paris. "People don't disappear for three days without something happening."

"Three days?" Sarah gasped. "We were gone for three days?"

"Yes, and you're all in perfect health, at least from the people I scanned here," the Doctor replied.

Paris moved about the room anxiously. "Computer, locate Ensign Kim," he said, ignoring the Doctor completely.

"_Ensign Kim is not onboard_."

Paris and Barrett exchanged worried glances before quickly leaving sickbay behind them. Paris tapped his combadge. "Paris to Janeway. Kim didn't come back. He must still be over there."

The two entered a turbo lift and Sarah ordered it to take them to the bridge. Tom fidgeted with his hands the whole way. She bit her lip for a moment, knowing that this was probably a time where she put the explorer, researcher away, and took out the counselor. Harry had been the only one as far as she was aware that had not judged Tom by his past actions. "Tom, we'll find him," she whispered as the lift came to a stop.

He glanced at her as the doors hissed open and a soft look came over his eyes. Stepping out of the turbo lift they could see that Janeway was communicating with the Maquis. Tom felt his blood go cold at the sight of Commander Chakotay. It was no secret what the former Starfleet officer and Maquis leader thought of him, at the present time Chakotay couldn't see Paris on the viewscreen.

"Commander," Janeway could be heard saying as Barrett and Paris made their way down to the command station, "you and I have the same problem. I think it makes sense to try and solve it together, don't you?"

_Solve it together? _Paris thought with a flurry of panic. Chakotay would throttle him before joining Janeway, especially when he learned that Paris was hired to help find him.

Chakotay looked at the Vulcan sitting next to him. The Vulcan nodded his head as if to say that it was a good idea. He looked back at Janeway. "Three of us will transport to your ship." The transmission ended and she was looking at the Maquis ship again.

"They're powering down their engines and dropping their shields," Rollins announced as Paris and Barrett came to stand behind Janeway. She glanced over her shoulder at the former Starfleet pilot and her ship's counselor as the sound of a transporter etched its way into her mind. She turned and watched as three men materialized before here, wearing different forms of civilian clothing. They had their weapons cocked and ready to use in case of ambush. The Maquis weren't known for their trustworthiness.

"Watch out Captain, they're armed," she heard someone say. She put her hand up and turned to Rollins.

"Put down your weapons," she assured him. She turned to Chakotay and his men. "You won't need those here," she told him, gently. The three Maquis hastily lowered their weapons. Janeway stepped forward looking at the Vulcan. "It's good to have you back Mister Tuvok."

Chakotay and the other man looked at him confused. "I must inform you, that I was assigned to infiltrate your crew sir. I am Captain Janeway's chief of security." The other man made a move to strike at him, but Chakotay threw his arm out and stopped him.

"Were you going to deliver us into their waiting hands, Vulcan?" Chakotay asked, bitterly.

"My mission was to accumulate information on Maquis activities. And then deliver you into their 'waiting hands' that is correct," Tuvok answered.

It was then that Chakotay noticed Paris standing near the tactical station. "I see that you had help," he spat. Janeway and Tuvok turned to see that he was referring to Paris.

Paris stepped forward. "It's good to see you too Chakotay," he greeted, coldly.

Chakotay's eyes filled with rage, a rage that was raw and terrifying. "At least the Vulcan was doing his duty as a Starfleet officer. But you, you betrayed us for what? Freedom from prison? Latinum?" He shouted his voice getting hotter. "What was your price this time?" Chakotay yelled, moving towards Paris. Barrett grabbed a hold of Tom's arm, gently pulling him away. For a brief second their eyes met and there wasn't hostility from her swimming in her sapphire orbs.

Janeway stepped between the two men. "You are speaking to a member of my crew," she snapped. "I expect you to treat him with the same respect as you would have me treat a member of yours." She glared at him for a few seconds, a look that her children and former members of her crew knew all too well. Chakotay eventually backed down and turned away from her and Paris. "Now," Janeway stated, "We have a lot to accomplish and I suggest that we all concentrate on finding our people and getting ourselves home."

"Based on my initial reconnaissance Captain, I am convinced that we are dealing with a single entity in the array," Tuvok announced. He looked about the room at the gathering of Maquis and Starfleet officers.

"You thought the same thing too," Janeway said to Sarah.

The young woman nodded her head. "Yes ma'am. I'm not sure why the life form chose a Midwestern farm to transport us too, perhaps to make us feel comfortable, before getting to what they really wanted from us."

"I would suggest that he scanned our computers in order to find a comfortable holographic environment. In affect a waiting room, to pacify us until biometric assessment," Tuvok concurred.

"An examination," Paris questioned, hotly. If they had wanted the biology of human beings, then they could have just asked them for the data on it, instead of putting them through a painful experience.

"It is the most logical explanation," Tuvok replied, wondering who the newcomer was. "Why else would he have released us unharmed?"

"Not all of us were," Tom snapped, thinking of Harry.

Janeway looked at the floor for a moment, trying to decide what to do next. She looked up at Tuvok after several seconds of thinking. "Break out the compression phaser rifles. Meet us in transporter room two." She looked to her side at Chakotay, who had not said a word in several minutes. "We're going back,"she said, he looked almost shocked by that comment.

"We'll divide into teams," she announced, looking back at Tuvok. "Mister Tuvok, your job is to find out as much about this array as you can. It brought us here; we have to assume it can send us home. Miss Barrett, I'm going to need your psychological expertise when dealing with this…entity. I'm not sure what we're going to find over there and I'd like to do first contact the right way this time."

Barrett nodded her head. She felt anticipation rising, it had been a long time before she had dealt with a new species. Her time on the _Explorer_ had solely dealt with the Borg.

Janeway was looking about the group pensively. "Do you agree with the plan?" she finally asked Chakotay. He gave her a curt nod. Janeway took the lead, and the Maquis, Tuvok, Barrett, and Janeway began to leave the bridge, while Paris contemplated his next course of action. He heard the Captain giving tactical orders and then she addressed Rollins. "Mister Rollins, the bridge is yours."

Paris realized he had two options,while the group of officers and Maquis moved off the bridge, stay behind and sit with Rollins and do nothing, or go and help the only friend that he had on this ship. The decision, in the end was a simple one.

"Captain!" He called, moving to catch up with the group just as Janeway was about to step into the turbo lift with the others. She stopped and went to meet him. "I'd like to go with you."

She sighed. "If this has anything to do with what Chakotay said…."

"It doesn't!" he snapped, she looked at him sternly. "I just…I'd hate to see anything happen to Harry."

Understanding that he wanted to help a friend, Janeway agreed, "Come on," she told him and the two made their way into the turbo lift hoping that their next trip to the Array meant getting their missing people back.

* * *

The farm was back. However this time there were not as many people around to greet them and ask them if they wanted any corn. Paris found this unnerving and relieving all at the same time. He patrolled the area with Janeway, Barrett, and Chakotay, looking for Harry and Chakotay's missing Engineer but so far they had found nothing.

The group made their way around the farm, Paris clutching tightly to a compression rife. As they rounded the farm, they met up with Tuvok and Michael Ayala, one of Chakotay's men.

Tuvok had his tricorder out. "There are no humanoid life forms indicated Captain. Kim and Torres are not within tricorder range."

Kathryn looked down at the ground. This mission kept getting worse and worse. First they were flung seventy thousand light years from home, then they were taken from their ship, examined by an alien being, and now Tuvok was telling her that two people had just basically vanished into thin air. Where could the array possibly have taken Kim and Torres?

"They may not be on the array," Tuvok finished.

"This may have been what they wanted all along, Captain," Barrett said.

Janeway knew that it was a real possibility, yet she was hoping for the best. She was hoping that they were going to find some clues as to where Kim and Torres where on this array.

"He can tell us where they are," Chakotay said before Janeway could respond, pointing towards the old man, playing a banjo on a bench in the middle of the farm yard. He broke away from the group and started for the man.

Paris, Barrett, and Janeway followed. "Maintain your comm. link," the Captain told Tuvok. "I don't want to lose anyone else!"

Tuvok and Ayala took off in the opposite direction.

When Chakotay, Janeway, Barrett, and Paris stepped up to the old man he opened his eyes and looked up at them. With a disgusted look he said, "Oh why have you come back, you don't have what I need."

"I don't know what you need, and frankly I don't care," Janeway snapped. She was tired, seventy thousand light years from home, had a missing crewman, and her baby had an ear infection; in short she was a woman who had a short fuse at the moment. "I just want our people back and I want us all to be sent home!"

The old man chuckled at her. "Oh, aren't you contentious for a minor bi-pedal species?"

Janeway placed her hands on her hips and glared at him, a look that Bryan had always joked was her "command" glare. "This minor bi-pedal species doesn't take kindly to being abducted," the Captain snapped.

The old man waved a hand at her in contempt. "It was necessary."

Chakotay sat down on the bench across from the old man. "Where are our people?" he asked, softly, hoping that the passive tones would do more on the man than the more aggressive tones of Janeway.

"They are no longer here."

"What have you done to them?" Janeway inquired.

The old man looked at Chakotay. "You don't have what I need," he said, and then pointing at Chakotay, he whispered, "They might. No, you have to leave them."

"We won't do that," Chakotay replied.

"We are their commanding officers," Janeway said. "We are entrusted with their safety. They are our responsibility; that maybe a concept that you don't understand."

The old man looked at her with understanding. "Oh no, I do understand. But I have no choice," he sighed, sadly, tears beginning to appear in his old eyes. "There just is not enough time left!"

"Left for what?" Janeway asked.

"I must honor a debt that can never be repaid," the old man answered.

Janeway and Barrett exchanged glances before Janeway went to sit on the bench next to the old man.

"But my search has not been going well," the old man continued, staring into the distance.

"Tells us what your looking for, maybe we can help you find it," Janeway offered.

"You," the man laughed. "I've searched the galaxy with methods beyond your comprehension. No, there's nothing you can do."

Janeway felt her frustration growing and she made eye contact with Chakotay. "You've taken us seventy thousand light years from our home. We have no way back unless you send us and we won't leave without our people."

"But sending you back is terribly complicated," the old man argued. "I don't have time! NOT ENOUGH TIME!" He waved his hand about angrily and the group before him disappeared in a golden flash. On the bridge of _Voyager_, the entire away team appeared with a flash of bright light to the puzzlement of the bridge crew.

Janeway went to lean on the rail near Conn, peering at the view screen and the pulses emitting from the massive array. _Where could those pulses possibly lead? _ Out of the corner of her eye she noticed that the Maquis were leaving, probably to go back to their ship, and Tom was going to put the compression rifles away. Their foray over to the array had left her with more questions than answers. "Tuvok, Counselor, can I speak with you both in my ready room please?"

Straightening her form she made her way down the steps and into the private room. Tuvok and Barrett followed behind her and she didn't address them until she heard the door hiss shut behind the young woman. "First things first, we need to establish a little chain of command here."

Barrett raised an eyebrow. "Ma'am?"

"I've lost my first officer, my chief medical officer, my chief helmsmen, and my chief engineer, not to mention my chief operations officer is missing, I'd say that my senior staff is pretty dwindled, wouldn't you agree, Counselor?" Janeway inquired, rhetorically. "Until we get home…if we ever do, I'm afraid that you and Tuvok are the only senior officers I have. Now, normally a ship's counselor wouldn't be called upon to command, but under the current circumstances, you may have to. Tuvok, until further notice you're acting as my first officer."

"Understood Captain," the Vulcan answered emotionlessly.

Janeway rubbed her temples for a moment; she could feel a stress headache forming. "I want you to find out where those pulses are going, Tuvok. Maybe the array used them some how to transport Kim and Torres. Sarah, I want you to coordinate repair efforts; all acting senior staff will report to you."

Barrett nodded her head, not sure why Janeway had put her in that position. "Shouldn't they be reporting to Tuvok?"

"I need Tuvok at Tactical," was Janeway's reply. She snapped her tired eyes up to the two officers. "You have your orders, I'll be in my quarters; you're dismissed." The Captain watched as Tuvok and Barrett left her ready room. When they were gone she exited the room herself using the port entrance and made her way to the turbo lift.

This wasn't how she had pictured her first mission as captain to go. She was always prepared for things to not go as planned, but this had blown way beyond that preparation.

Entering the access code to her quarters she just wanted to sit down with a good cup of coffee and mull over the next course of action. She wasn't going to get such a chance. Michael had tried to the best of his five year old abilities to feed Ava dinner and both children were covered in what Kathryn assumed was the baby's cereal. Ava was more interested in playing with the food than her brother feeding her.

Groaning inwardly, the cup of coffee pushed to the back of her mind, Kathryn stepped into the quarters.

"Hi Mama," Michael greeted her as Ava plopped a fistful of cereal in his hair. "Ava was hungry, so I fed her."

Kathryn plucked Ava out of the dining chair and tried to muster a smile for her son. "Thanks honey," she said, softly, wiping Ava's mouth with her bib. "Why don't you go start the bath water while I clean your sister up?"

Michael's response was to run into the bathroom. Kathryn soon heard the water as it started to fill the tub. Finishing up with cleaning Ava's goopy hands, she reached for the hypospray with the ear infection treatment. It had been three days since Ava had had it, since that had been how long they had spent on the array. Kathryn had checked on the children after she had woken up in Engineering and found them in one piece in their quarters. But she had been whisked away to the bridge before she could give the baby her medicine.

Ava squirmed slightly as her mother pressed the hypospray to her neck, whining so her mother would put her down. Kathryn obliged not in the mood to fight with her daughter. As she did so and Ava took off waddling to play with some toys, she heard something break in the bathroom and Michael call out a hasty apology.

Closing her eyes, she had one thought running through her mind, _it's going to be a long night._

* * *

Harry awoke with the sound of energy pulses coursing through his brain. He was in a completely white, sterile room, and it certainly was not _Voyager_. He briefly recalled the array and what had happened there. For a moment he wondered if the others were all somewhere in rooms like this one, waking up groggy and confused as to what was going on.

A woman was looking at him now. Just looking at him, it was a little disconcerting. A man joined the woman now. He smiled softly at Harry. He wasn't sure if they were trying to communicate with them, believing that he was a telepath, or if they were just...staring at him.

Harry felt him self panic. "What am I doing here? Where am I?" he asked, sitting up.

The woman put her arm around him. "Please don't try to move yet," she spoke. "You're very ill."

"Ill?" Harry said, confused. He had not been sick when he left Deep Space Nine. "There's some mistake," he said, gazing at his hands. "I'm not ill." But even as the words left his lips he saw the sores and welts on his arms. They were huge and puss filled and looked like they were slowly spreading throughout his body. He opened the white shirt he was wearing to see another abrasion on his chest. His breathing quickened as he realized that something was wrong with him.

"No," a woman's voice shouted.

Harry glanced over his shoulder to see a Klingon woman jump off the cot next to his. Briefly their eyes met before she ran towards the door, pounding on it. The man went to stop her, but she fought him. Harry watched as the woman pressed a button near by the beds and as the man struggled with the Klingon. She hit him squarely in the mouth to get away from him and was back at the door trying to get out.

As she did the door slid open and another man and woman, their lower faces covered with a white material of some kind, entered the room, grabbing a hold of her. She struggled in their grasp, noticing the sores on her body for the first time, as the first man got up off the floor, nursing his mouth. He held a type of hypospray to her neck and she fell unconscious again.

The two aliens holding onto the Klingon woman brought her back to the empty cot and laid her down, leaving the room afterwards. Harry watched as the first man and woman tended to the Klingon, and then looked a way, a pit forming in his stomach. Was this how his first mission was going to end? By dying?

* * *

"Lieutenant Carey, can I speak to you for a moment please?" Sarah Barrett asked stepping into Main Engineering.

Joe Carey, temporarily in charge of the department looked up from his console with a flirty smile. _Wonderful, _Sarah thought as she moved towards the station, _another Tom Paris. _"Yes, ma'am, what can I do for you Counselor?" the engineer asked when she finally came to a stop at his station.

Sarah held the PADD she had in her hand up. "Care to explain why this status report hasn't been updated in nearly ten hours?"

"I've had nothing to update, ma'am."

"Nothing to update?"

Carey laughed nervously. "It's taking a lot longer to make repairs than I originally believed; nothing is done being repaired yet. I can assure you though Counselor that we're working around the clock to fix everything. None of my people have left yet and we're all pulling double shifts, some even are pulling triple shifts. It will get done, it's just going to take time."

Sarah tapped the PADD against her leg. "Time," she repeated. "Lieutenant Carey I don't know if you've looked around you lately but we don't have a lot of time. We're seventy thousand light years from with a missing crewman. Time, as you say, is not on our side. If Captain Janeway asked you to have the repairs to the warp engines made by a certain time you'd complete it by that time, would you not?"

"Well of course I would..."

"What bothers your more, Lieutenant? The fact that I'm a counselor or that fact that Janeway left me in charge of repairs?"

Carey looked increasingly uncomfortable. "Neither ma'am. I'll make sure the warp drive is back online by the morning. We'll double our efforts."

Sarah smiled sweetly. "Thank you," she said before turning on her heel and leaving. As she walked out she briefly became aware that people were looking at her with a little bit more respect, which wasn't the point of coming down, however, it was a nice added bonus as she made her way out of the room. It would perhaps make her job of over seeing the repairs a little easier.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: I expanded the scene between Tom and Sarah to include why Chakotay doesn't like Tom. Reviews are welcome. Enjoy! Also this is dedicated to my best friend and her husband who had their first baby today! A little girl, Theresa Lucy! I'm now an "auntie"!

* * *

_Captain's log, stardate 48315.6. We've traced the energy pulses from the array to the fifth planet of the neighboring system and believe they may have been used in some fashion to transport Kim and Torres to the planet's surface.

* * *

_

Kathryn Janeway looked out the windows in her quarters at the massive space array that _Voyager _was orbiting. Ava was playing near by, refusing to go to sleep. Kathryn had spent the past three hours trying to get Ava down for the night but to no avail. The child just plain out refused. Pinching the bridge of her nose with her thumb and pointer finger, Kathryn closed her eyes trying to concentrate.

She was finding it difficult. She had a headache and the endless questions were only making it worse. The door chimed and she let out a soft sigh before calling, "Come in."

Kathryn turned about to see Tuvok enter. The Vulcan was carrying a PADD in his hands and reading it over. "Captain," he said, "I've observed something peculiar about the pulses; they're getting faster."

She took the PADD in her hand, letting the one she was holding in her other to drop to her side. "Faster," she said, disgusted, looking away from her trusted friend. She knew that her tone was probably hostile and he did not deserve it, but she was exhausted. They were no closer to finding Kim and Torres and a way home, and Ava's refusal to go to sleep was not helping matters any. What was it her mother had said, mixing a Starfleet career and motherhood was like mixing oil and water; it just couldn't be done. Kathryn, in her stubbornness, had been determined that she could. Now, that stubbornness was paying its toll.

"I can offer no explanation as to why they are increasing," Tuvok said. She had not even realized he was still talking.

With a sigh, she turned towards her desk. "That's only one of the mysteries we're dealing with, Mister Tuvok. Take a look." She turned the personal computer around so he could see the display. It was a graphic of the fifth planet that _Voyager_ had been scanning. "It's virtually a desert. Not one ocean, not one river. It has all the characteristics of an M class planet, with one exception, there are no nucelogenic particles in the atmosphere."

"That would indicate that the planet cannot produce rain," Tuvok stated.

Kathryn nodded her head and moved away from him. "I've studied hundreds of M Class planets; I've never seen one without nucelogenics. There must have been some extraordinary environmental disaster," she sighed, stopping to look out the window. She sat down on the sofa, "As soon as repairs are complete, we'll set a course for the fifth planet."

Kathryn leaned back and placing her chin in the palm of her hand, looked out the window at the unmapped stars. Ava whimpered suddenly and she turned her attention to the baby. She was lying on her back, looking up at the ceiling, but was starting to lose the battle with sleep. Tuvok also looked at the child and saw the strain not only in the baby's tired little face, but in the Captain's as well.

"Captain," he said, stepping towards the sofa. "You require sleep; as does young Ava."

She didn't seem to hear him. "Kim's mother called me before we left; delightful woman, her only son. He'd left his clarinet behind; she wanted to know if she had enough time to send it. I had to tell her no," Kathryn said sadly, looking up at Tuvok. "Did you know he played the clarinet in the Julliard Youth Symphony?"

"I did not get the chance to meet Mister Kim," Tuvok replied.

"I barely knew him," Kathryn said, softly. "I never seem to get the chance to know any of them." She leaned forward thoughtfully. "I have to take more time to do that." The baby whimpered again and caught her mother's attention. "It's a fine crew and I've gotta get them home."

Tuvok placed his hands behind his back. "The crew, and your children, will not benefit from the leadership of an exhausted captain and mother."

Kathryn looked up at him, a soft smile formed on her worn face. "Your right as usual," she leaned back, letting the cushions massage her aching back. "I've missed your council."

"I am gratified that you would come after me so I could offer it to you once again," Tuvok replied.

She smiled. "I spoke to your family before I left."

He took a deep breath. "Are they well?"

Kathryn titled her head, slightly. "They're worried about you."

"That would not be an accurate perception, Captain. Vulcans do not worry."

"They… _miss _you."

"As I do them."

Kathryn stood, moving towards him. "I'll get you back to them. That's a promise, Tuvok."

For a moment the two friends looked each other in the eye before Tuvok nodded his had in gratitude and turned to leave the room. Kathryn watched him go before she went to pick Ava up and hold her close, looking out the window at the stars. "You hear that my little bird," she whispered in her baby's ear. "I'm going to get you home."

* * *

"You look like you could use some of this," a voice said above her.

Sarah Barrett glanced up from the latest repair report to see Tom Paris standing by her table in the mess hall, with a pot of coffee in his hands. The room was practically empty and the lights had been dimmed for the nighttime hours. Blinking the sleep out of her eyes, she looked about the now abandoned room. She had been here so long she realized that she had no idea what time it was. Offering him a small, tired smile, she gestured for him to sit down.

Tom took a seat opposite her and poured her a cup. "I heard you had a few extra duties shoved on your shoulders. But I didn't think you'd be up this late however pouring over…what exactly are you pouring over anyways?"

"Repair reports," she replied, taking the mug from him. "Captain Janeway has me coordinating the repair teams. Our senior staff, shall we say is a little depleted right now."

"It might stay that way if we don't find a way home," Tom quipped, taking a sip of his own coffee.

"I'm trying not to think about that," Sarah said in response. "I don't think I can take many more late nights like this. Speaking of late nights by the way, why are you up so late?"

He shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."

"Thinking about Harry?" she asked, setting the PADD aside.

"Yeah, I suppose I am," Tom replied, casting his eyes downward.

It was hard for him to open up to anybody, let alone a girl that he had just met a few days before. But he had to get it off his chest if he ever hoped of getting a wink of sleep that night. Truth be told, he had purposely tracked her down, she seemed like the most logical choice of someone to talk to, she was after all the ship's counselor, but she had also been the only one, besides Janeway and Harry, to give him the time of day since he had boarded this ship. "He's pretty much the only one on this ship that's been civil to me, friendly even, with the exception of you and Captain Janeway of course. I guess I've been thinking about how lonely this whole mission could be if we don't find a way home and rescue Harry."

Her sapphire eyes softened. "Tom, if Captain Janeway's service record is any indication of how she really is, then she will do everything in her power to find Harry and bring him back to _Voyager. _Besides, you're not alone, a lot of people on this ship I'm sure will be willing to give you a second chance. You just have to give them reason to do so."

He mulled over her words, and then grinned. "You're good. However, you're being a bit pessimistic. Don't you believe we're going to get home? Why would people on this ship _even _have the time to give me a second chance, especially since I'll be back in New Zealand when we return to Starfleet?"

Sarah frowned. "It's not pessimism, it's realism."

"Oh is that what they call it these days?"

"Well what do you want me to say?" she snapped, hotly. "We'll find Harry and then we'll all sail home triumphantly? The truth is, Paris, we're seventy thousand light years from home, with an entity that seems quite content to let us rot out here before sending us back where we came from and we're relying for help on people that can't be trusted entirely because of their views on the Federation."

"Chakotay," he huffed.

Sarah quirked an eyebrow. "He had an...interesting reaction to you today. What's your history with him?"

"There isn't any."

"Don't lie to me, no one would have reacted like that if you didn't have history."

Tom shrugged his shoulders. "I was itching for fight after being ushered out of Starfleet. I was angry at them, angry at myself for what had happened. I found Chakotay and the Maquis. They were desperate for fighters so they took me. Chakotay could see right through me, he knew what I was in for and he knew why. He never trusted me and he considered me more trouble than I was worth. He knew that I wasn't in it for their mighty cause and he figured that someday I'd turn them in, in exchange for something so I could please my parents. The truth is he was right about me. I am more trouble than I'm worth and I'm sorry that Captain Janeway could be stuck with me out here."

"You shouldn't say stuff like that, you don't know what's going to happen," she said, tensely.

Tom studied the tired expression on her face. "You're worried about being stuck out here aren't you?"

"Aren't you?"

"Me, nah," he replied. "I don't have a life back home worth returning too. It's doesn't matter to me either way."

In reality, neither did she. Both her parents were dead and she had had a falling out with her older brother when he had found out she was using drugs. She had not spoken to him for at least two years. What scared her was being stuck out here with people who did have a life back home to return to. She wasn't sure if she was the right person to get them through it all.

Tom was standing now. "If it's any consolation, Counselor, if we do get stuck out here, I think we've got the best counselor on board to get us through it."

Their eyes met briefly before he turned and left the room. Sarah was once again left alone in the dim light with her PADDs, but now with a little bit more confidence and a steaming pot of coffee.

* * *

_Captain's log, supplemental. The Maquis ship and Voyager have encountered a debris field where sensors have detected a small vessel. One humanoid life-form is on board._

* * *

"Hail them," Janeway told Tuvok as she stepped onto the bridge from her ready room. After finally getting her baby down for the night she had gotten a good night's sleep and felt refreshed and ready for whatever the day had to bring her. Stopping to stand behind helm, she turned to the view screen to see a net of some kind covering the alien's own view screen.

Someone was moving about in the background trying to find it.

The net was tossed out of the way and a male humanoid appeared, with spotted skin and orange hair. "Who ever you are, I found this waste heap first!" he yelled at her in a hostile tone. Janeway looked back at Sarah Barrett, seated in her chair, the two made eye contact for a moment before the Captain looked back at their new 'friend.'

"We're not interested in your debris," she told him, waving her hand about to emphasize what she was saying. "Mister?"

He's face immediately softened. "Neelix. And since you're not interested in my debris, well then, I'm delighted to know you."

Sarah got up from her chair and went to whisper in Kathryn's ear. "He's probably harmless Captain, makes his living by salvaging parts in debris heaps like this one. My guess is that this is how most beings get by in this region of space, that would account for his hostile reaction at seeing us at first."

Confident in her counselor's assessment of their new friend, she smiled. "Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the Federation Starship Voyager," she introduced her self to Neelix.

"That's a very impressive title. I have no idea what it all means," Neelix said. "But it sounds very impressive."

"Tell me Mister Neelix, do you know this part of space well?" Janeway asked him.

"I am famous for knowing it well," Neelix answered, proudly. "How may I be of service?"

"Do you know anything about the array that is sending energy pulses to the fifth planet?" Janeway inquired, pacing the command station back and forth, not breaking her eye contact with Neelix.

"I know enough to stay as far away from it as possible," Neelix replied. A look of understanding suddenly dawned on his face. "Let me guess, you were whisked away from somewhere else in the galaxy and brought here against your will?"

"Sounds like you've heard this story before."

"Sadly yes, thousands of times, well hundreds of times, maybe fifty times," Neelix said, which caused a small smile to form on Janeway's face. "The Caretaker has been bringing ships here for months now."

Janeway's eyes lit up with curiosity. "The Caretaker?"

"That's what the Ocampa call him. They live on the fifth planet," Neelix answered. "Did he kidnap some of your crew?"

Janeway leaned against the rail at conn. "As a matter of fact, he did."

"It's not the first time."

"Do you know where he might have taken them?" Janeway asked hopefully.

"Just that they are brought to the Ocampa, nothing more," Neelix said.

"We'd appreciate any help that you could give us in finding these…Ocampa," Janeway told him.

Neelix looked about his pile of junk for a moment before answering her. "I really wish I could help, I really do, but as you can see there is so much debris for me to go through. You'd be surprised the things of value some people throw out."

"Of course we'd want to compensate you for your trouble," Janeway offered him.

"There's really very little that you could offer me," Neelix replied, diverting his eyes, "unless of course you had…water."

Janeway looked down at the floor for a moment. If this was only going to cost them water, something they could easily replicate, then she was the one coming up smelling like roses in this deal. She glanced back at Neelix. "If you help us find our missing crew members you can have all the water you want."

"That sounds like a very reasonable arrangement."

She smiled. "Good. We'll beam you over and tow your ship into our shuttle bay." As she looked over her shoulder at Tuvok she was unaware of the distressed look that came over Neelix's face. "Mister Tuvok, Miss Barrett, go to Transporter Room Two and meet our guest." Janeway turned back towards Neelix as her officers left the Bridge.

"Beam?" Neelix questioned.

It had never occurred to her that these people had no idea what a transporter was. "We have technology that allows us to take you instantly from your ship to ours. It's quite harmless. May we?"

Neelix put his arms up in the air and a few seconds later the he materialized in Transporter Room Two, where Tuvok and Barrett were waiting to greet him. He looked positively relieved to be alive and in one piece. "Astonishing!" he exclaimed, running his hands over his furry coat. "You Federation are obviously an advanced culture."

"The Federation is made up of many cultures, I am Vulcan," Tuvok said, then gesturing towards Sarah, "Miss Barrett is human."

"Neelix!" The alien said, as he bounded off the transporter pad and threw his arms around Tuvok. "Good to meet you!"

Barrett had to repress a giggle at seeing the obvious discomfort this put Tuvok in. But as Neelix gathered her up into his arms, she soon found the reason for the discomfort. Mister Neelix apparently did not know what a bath was.

He let go of her and looked around the room. "Interesting. What…what does this all do?"

Tuvok stepped closer to him, not comfortable with the alien freely roaming around the room, brushing his fingers over various bulkheads and consoles. "I assure you everything in this room has a specific function. It would take several hours to explain it all."

"Perhaps another time," Barrett said, watching in mild amusement. "Shall we take you to your quarters?" She gestured for Neelix to follow her, Tuvok behind him.

"Perhaps you would care for a bath," the Vulcan stated.

Neelix looked at him perplexed. "A what?"

As the trio made their way through the corridors, Neelix stopping to look at everything, touching things that made Tuvok visibly flinch on occasion, Sarah knew that her personnel log was going to be interesting tonight.

* * *

Harry felt like he had been sitting on his biobed in the sterile alien room for hours. The Klingon woman was still sedated and unconscious on her own biobed and the only company Harry really had was the sound of the energy pulses. He was beginning to wonder if their alien 'hosts' were ever going to come back.

The Klingon woman suddenly jerked up and turned to face him. He put a hand up. "It's okay," he told her. " It's okay."

She looked nervous. "Who are you?"

"Name is Kim, Harry Kim. I'm an ensign on the Starship _Voyager_," he replied. "I was kidnapped from the array just like you were. I don't know where we are."

"What was Starfleet doing at that array?" she asked, angrily.

"Looking for you actually; one minute we were in the Badlands, the next—,"

"You mean you were trying to capture us!" the Klingon interrupted.

"Yeah, consider yourself captured," Harry answered sarcastically. He ran his hands over his white medical robe. "I know I have a phaser in here somewhere."

She moved closer to him. "I don't find this at all amusing, Starfleet." She moved towards the door, trying to look for a way to open it. She heard the Starfleet officer tell her that it was no use that it was locked. She didn't care, she had to get out, so she tried hitting it.

Harry jumped off the biobed and went to pull her away from the door. "Hey, what is that going to accomplish!"

"What are they doing to us!" she screamed holding up her wrists to show him the sores on her body. "What are these things growing on us?"

"Do you want them to sedate you again?"

"You're right Starfleet," she said, conceding to him. "It's the Klingon half of me, it's just that it's hard to control it sometimes."

"What's your name Maquis?"

"B'Elanna," she answered, "B'Elanna Torres."

The door to their room opened and one of the alien doctors was standing there holding some clothing. Harry held onto B'Elanna's arm firmly so she wouldn't try to go and attack the doctor. "I hope you're feeling better," the alien said. "I know this must be frightening for both of you. I've brought some clothes if you care to change." He held the arm with the clothing draped over it up so they could see them better.

"Why are you holding us here?" B'Elanna asked.

"You are not prisoners. In fact we consider you honored guests." He walked into the room closer to the two. "The Caretaker has sent you to us. As long as you're not violent you're free to leave your quarters."

"What's wrong with us?" Harry asked, holding up his hand. "What are these things?"

The doctor looked at him sadly. "We really don't know," he paused briefly, and then said, "You must be hungry, would you care to join me on the courtyard for a meal?"

B'Elanna and Harry looked at each other before making the decision that it was time to get out of this sterile room.

The doctor brought them up to the courtyard, directing them to the food dispensers. It was bright and airy, with many of the aliens out and about. Harry went to lean on a rail and looked out at the city. He was amazed to find that they were underground, with all the light around, that he assumed was sunlight, it was hard to believe.

"We're underground," he stated, looking about.

"Our society is subterranean, we've lived here for over five hundred generations," the doctor informed them as a group started to form around them.

B'Elanna looked upward. "But before that, you lived on the surface?"

"Yes, until the warming began."

"The warming?"

"When our surface turned into a desert and the Caretaker came to protect us," the doctor told him, as the group of curious aliens began to close in around them. Harry and B'Elanna were suddenly aware that they were being watched. "Our ancient journals tell us that he opened a deep chasm in the ground and led our ancestors to this place. Since then he has provided for all our needs." He suddenly noticed the group around them as well and the troubled looks on Harry and B'Elanna's faces. "Please forgive them; they know you have come from the Caretaker. None of us have ever seen him." He gestured for them to follow.

Harry and B'Elanna pushed their way through the group of on lookers and followed the doctor. They stopped at something that was similar to a replicator. The doctor proceeded to provide them with a bowl of food that neither B'Elanna nor Harry was sure about eating, but they took the bowls just to be polite.

They moved through the seating area which was facing three large view screens, each displaying a different scene of nature. "Is this how the Caretaker communicates with you?" Harry asked, eyeing the view screens.

"He never communicates with us directly," the doctor answered. "We try to interpret his wishes as best we can."

"I'm curious to know how you've interpreted the Caretaker's reasons for sending us here," Harry replied.

"We believe he separated you from your species for their protection."

"Their protection?" B'Elanna snapped.

"From your illness," he replied. The doctor gestured for the two to sit down with him. B'Elanna and Harry slowly took a seat. "Perhaps he's trying to prevent a plague."

"We weren't sick until we met your Caretaker," B'Elanna said.

"From time to time he asks us to care for people with this disease. It's the least we can do."

"There have been others?" B'Elanna questioned. "Like us?"

"Yes," was the only thing the doctor said in reply to her.

B'Elanna felt her nerves on edge as she asked, "Where are they?"

The doctor sighed, heavily. "You're condition is serious. We don't know exactly how to treat it. I'm afraid that the others did not recover."

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: I removed the first fifteen stories from this site. I still have them on my computer so if you'd like one just PM me. But don't worry they'll all be reposted into this one. Not much new added to this chapter, just expanded dialog. Enjoy!

* * *

The _Val Jean_ and _Voyager _had entered a stranded orbit around the fifth planet where their new _friend _had informed them that they would find the Ocampa. Captain Janeway had made preparations for an away team to beam down to the surface to search for Torres and Kim and had ordered Sarah Barrett, who had been given the pleasure of being their guest's escort, to retrieve their guest and bring him to the transporter room. For the most part she had spent it running him around the ship to see absolutely everything. He talked nonstop and constantly was asking questions about how the ship worked. Sarah's best skills were not in engineering but she managed to answer them to the best of her limited abilities. The whole ordeal had been utterly exhausting and it wasn't even past noon yet.

She tapped at the panel outside their guest's quarters to let him know she was there, but there was no response. Using her security clearance she opened the door.

"Hello?" Sarah called out as she stepped into the quarters that had been assigned to Neelix. "Mister Neelix?"

She glanced around the room and caught sight of the dinning table. There were several vases of water stacked on top of each other like children's blocks and plates of half eaten food every where. Glancing astonished at the sight, she leaned down to get a better look, allowing her sapphire eyes to study each vase. Mister Neelix must not have seen a replicator before today.

From the bathroom she could hear singing, although it wasn't words, just sounds, and she could hear the splashing of water. Straightening up, she turned about and stepped inside the bathroom, and immediately shut her eyes. Neelix was in the bathtub, soaking in a mountain of bubbles, and had no qualms about her walking in on him. "Sir?" she asked, nervously.

"Ah, Miss Barrett! Come in! Please, come in! I can hardly see your pretty face!" Neelix said happily from the tub. Sarah stepped into the room further but did not open her eyes. "I want to thank you for your hospitality, Miss Barrett. I must admit, I've never had access to a food… repmala...replicator before."

Sarah swallowed hard. "Really? I would never have guessed that."

"And to immerse my self in water, do you know what joy this is?" Neelix grabbed for another large vase of water and poured it down his throat, not caring if he wasted any. "No one around here wastes water in this manner," he told her, "a good sand scrub, that's the best we can hope for."

"I'm happy that you're having a grand time, but we've just arrived at the fifth planet. Captain Janeway needs your assistance," Sarah replied. She heard some splashing about in the water and assumed that the sounds were caused because Neelix stood up.

"Oh, could you hand me the towel," he asked her.

If it wasn't so hot in that room her face probably would have paled. "What?"

"The towel, Miss Barrett, oh don't be shy! I don't bite!"

"It's not you biting me that I'm worried about," Sarah said, reaching out with her hands and feeling for the towel. When she found it she grasped it tightly and held it out to her side. She heard Neelix move about as he snatched the towel from her hand.

The alien began wrapping the towel about his body and drying off, not bothered at all that he was wearing only a towel in the presence of a stranger. "On the large southern continent you'll find a range of extinct volcanoes. Follow the foothills north until you discover a dry riverbed. You'll find an encampment there."

For some reason she got the feeling that Neelix was leading them in a different direction for his own purposes, but she did not speak up about it, not yet anyways. "Do you think that's where our people are?"

"It's not impossible," Neelix replied. Again there was a rippling of a feeling that he was lying to her. "Maybe… perhaps not, but we will find them. We'll need several containers of water to bring, for barter of course." He eyed her science blue uniform for a moment and his finger traced her combadge in midair. "Do these replicators make clothing as well?"

"Yes," she said simply, finally feeling safe to open her eyes.

"Well it make me a uniform like yours?"

"No, it will not," She lied, " However I suggest that you dress quickly. I'll inform Captain Janeway of what you just told me."

Neelix went off to get dressed and Sarah nearly ran out of the quarters. Once out in the safe confines of the corridor she tapped her combadge. "Barrett to Janeway."

"_Janeway here._"

"I've just spoken to Mister Neelix. He says that we should travel to the southern continent, apparently there is an encampment near a dried up river bed," Sarah told her commanding officer. "He also recommended that we have several containers of water to use for barter. Captain, I get the feeling that he is not being entirely truthful with us, but perhaps we'll get more answers when we beam down to the surface."

"_Understood; I want you and Mister Neelix to meet us in Transporter Room Two."_

"Yes ma'am," Sarah replied as the doors to Neelix's quarters swished open. The alien stepped out wearing a colorful patterned suit. "Mister Neelix and I are ready. We'll meet you in Transporter Room Two, Barrett out." She tapped her combadge and then remembered she had something to give their guest. She held her hand out, in it was another silver and gold combadge, the same one that she had on her uniform.

"This if for you Neelix. It's so we can keep track of you, just in case anything goes wrong down there. It also allows you to communicate with _Voyager_ directly," Sarah placed it in his palm. "Don't lose it, it could mean your life," she told him as she turned away and began to make for the turbo lift.

"My life?" Neelix sputtered. "What kind of missions do you Federation go on anyways?"

She chuckled as they stepped inside the lift. "Deck Four," she told the computer.

Neelix was nervously placing the combadge onto his suit jacket. "This is just a safety precaution right? I mean, you were joking when you said that this could mean my life?"

"No, I wasn't," Sarah replied as the lift came to a halt and the doors opened. "This is so we will have the ability to transport you off the planet at a moment's notice. Sometimes that moment could be just before the room you're in explodes. The chances of that happening though are slim, I wouldn't worry about it."

He didn't look entirely convinced as they stepped into the transporter room. Janeway was waiting there with Chakotay, Paris, and Tuvok. Neelix looked even more nervous when Janeway instructed Sarah to arm her self. These people were not taking the situation lightly, and they shouldn't, not for where Neelix was about to take them. The phasers were probably a good thing to be carrying. But the presences of their weapons might complicate his plan.

"Alright, let's get moving," Janeway ordered the group. They all got on the transporter pad swiftly and once they were all in place, Janeway gave the transporter chief the order to energize.

They rematerialized in what would be the equivalent of no where on Earth. There was no plant life to speak of, it was dry and hot, the sun beating down on their backs. It was a desert just like all their scans had told them, yet it was more desolate than any of them could have imagined. Turning about, Janeway and her away team saw the encampment that Neelix had told them about. Several alien ships were parked near by, and she could see beings crying out in shock at their sudden appearance and run back towards the settlement.

Janeway looked over her shoulder at Neelix, who stepped up to her side. They began walking towards the settlement while Tom Paris remarked, "Why would anyone want to live in a place like this?"

"The rich cormaline deposits are very much in demand," Neelix answered him, his orange eyes scanning the settlement, as if he was looking for someone particular.

"Do the Ocampa use it for barter?" Chakotay asked.

"Not the Ocampa, the Kazon-Ogla," Neelix said.

"The Kazon-Ogla, who are the Kazon-Ogla?" Janeway asked, confused.

Neelix gestured towards the settlement that they were walking towards. "They are." A group of Kazon had gathered at the entrance of the settlement, some were brandishing weapons, cautiously watching as the group of Starfleet officers, a Maquis commander, and a Talaxian trader came closer to their home. They resembled klingons in appearance, with cranial ridges and darker pigmented skin, the most common appearing to be a copper tone. They had dark hair that grew in chunks or was specifically parted in several places, perhaps, Janeway thought, as some form of hierarchy.

"I thought you were taking us to the Ocampa?" Barrett asked, walking alongside Janeway. She had known Neelix was lying to them and even though she had told the Captain she had such feelings, she had not insisted that they wait until they knew of Neelix's true motives. Now they could be walking into a dangerous situation that had very little to do with Harry Kim and B'Elanna Torres. "When we asked that you take us to the Ocampa, we meant we wanted to be taken to the Ocampa, not on a detour."

"The Kazon sects control this part of the quadrant," Neelix informed Janeway, ignoring Barrett. "Some have food some have water, they all trade and they all kill each other for it."

They had made it to the gathering of Kazon. Janeway, like Barrett, wasn't too pleased that she had been misled. "I thought you said the Ocampa had our people?"

The Kazon closed in around them, the group was pressed tightly together as Neelix cried out, "My friends! It's good to see you again!" The aliens weren't too happy to see him however, scooping him up and carrying him away while the others took the away team's weapons, pushing them all to the ground. Neelix was thrown against a wall, the group that had grabbed him snarling at him.

"I must speak with your Maje," Neelix said, "the ever wise Jabin!" The Kazon cocked their weapons at him as another Kazon made their way across a balcony above them, stirred by the noise of the mob. Neelix spotted him and cried out, "Jabin!"

The newcomer didn't look pleased to see Neelix as he made his way down towards the group. The away team began to feel nervous, more so than they already were. Things were not going quite as they had planned they were going to go. Neelix was still sputtering away, hoping that the Kazon whose guns were trained on him wouldn't fire. "Water Jabin! I have water! To replace all that I borrowed! Show them Mister Paris," he cried desperately.

Tom reached into the knapsack that he was carrying and produced a small canteen of water, holding it out to Jabin. The Kazon snatched the canteen up as Neelix told them that the ship they came on could make water out of thin air. Jabin opened the canteen and sniffed its contents before taking a large sip of the precious liquid. He handed the canteen off to the person nearest him, dark eyes looking at Paris, the closest male to him, and asked, "You have more?"

Janeway tapped her combadge. "Janeway to _Voyager_. Energize." Two large containers appeared out of nowhere to the Kazon and they quickly grabbed whatever they could to go and gather the water up, completely forgetting about Neelix. Jabin watched astounded as his people moved towards the large containers. "There's more where that came from, if you can help us." Even though Neelix had led them to the Kazon and not the Ocampa, Janeway was going to make best of the situation.

Jabin looked at her. "How can we help someone so powerful that they can create water out of thin air?"

Janeway eyed Neelix for a moment. "This man lead us here suggesting that we might find a people called the Ocampa," she noticed that a girl, with short cropped blonde hair, and pointed ears, had appeared near by where Neelix was standing. She looked like she had been beaten and it made Janeway's skin crawl. "Do you know where they are?"

The Kazon leader looked at Janeway curiously. "Ocampa?" he repeated before turning about and pointing towards the girl that was standing a ways behind Neelix. "She is Ocampa! Why would you be interested in such worthless creatures? They only live nine years. They make poor servants; we caught her when she wandered to the surface."

"To the surface? You mean they live underground?" Janeway questioned.

"The entity in space that gives them food and power, also gives them sole access to this planet's only source of water, two miles below the surface," Jabin answered, pointing towards the energy pulses that were going towards the mountains.

"This same entity has abducted two of our people," Janeway replied. "We believe that they might be with the Ocampa."

"There's no way to get to them, we've tried," Jabin answered, lowering his body down to be at eye level with Janeway. "The entity has established some kind of subterranean barrier, we cannot penetrate."

Barrett and Chakotay were thinking the same thing, but Chakotay voiced it first, "But she got out."

"Occassionally some of them do find their way to the surface. We don't know how, but the Ocampa seal the tunnels afterwards," Jabin said, stuffing all of their weapons onto his own belt.

"Maybe she can help these good people find a way down," Neelix offered a bit too slyly for the likes of Janeway or Barrett. He was up to something and they both hoped that it wasn't going to cost them.

Jabin laughed, and then snarled, "You'd be wasting your time. I've used ever method of persuasion I know to get her to help us. She won't!"

"She's worthless to you! Let us trade you water for this scrawny little thing," Neelix replied.

"I'd be more interested in obtaining this technology that allows you to create water out of thin air," Jabin said.

Janeway made eye contact with Barrett. Protocol didn't exactly forbid Janeway to share technologly, if it was in fair trade and a benefit to the people receiving it, however, the Captain didn't know much about the Kazon, and therefore felt uncomfortable about giving them access to Federation technology. "That would be difficult," Janeway answered, truthfully. "It's integrated into our ship's systems."

No sooner had the words left her mouth, than did Neelix suddenly run forward and grab Jabin. He was holding a small phaser that could be concealed in the palm of your hand and the away team was shocked when it was produced. "Tell them to drop their weapons!" Neelix ordered Jabin, jabbing the phaser in the fleshy part of the Kazon's neck.

"Do it!" Jabin cried. The Kazon who had rushed to his rescue put their weapons down.

The away team jumped to their feet, Chakotay retrieving all of their weapons from Jabin's belt. Each member pointed the phaser at the group of Kazon, but kept the setting on stun. Janeway only hoped that they could get out of there without any weapons firing.

There was going to be no such luck. Neelix pushed Jabin away from him and pointed his own weapon right at the containers of water, warning the Kazon to get out of the way. He then fired the weapon, puncturing the water containers. The liquid came gushing out and the Kazon rushed to get what they could before it all emptied out and was sucked up by the dry ground.

The Ocampa girl was joining them now, as instructed by Neelix. "I strongly suggest that you get us out of here," he implored to Janeway, who tapped her combadge and told _Voyager_ to beam them all up.

Once on the safety of the transporter pad, Janeway and the rest of the away team put their weapons away, making their way off the transporter pad. No one was really paying attention to Neelix and the Ocampa, until they heard Neelix say, "My dearest, didn't I promise I'd save you."

Tuvok frowned, Paris and Chakotay looked amused, while Janeway looked at the couple,shocked. Barrett, on the other hand, wasn't too surprised, she had a feeling before that Neelix had another plan other than leading them to the Ocampa, but rescuing a lover was not what had been at the top of her list of things he could possibly be doing.

"Perhaps we should get our new guest to sickbay," Tuvok suggested, leading Neelix and the Ocampa girl off of the transporter pad.

When they were gone Janeway looked at Barrett. "Do you believe his sole purpose for helping us was to help her?"

Barrett nodded her head. "Yes, he was probably looking for ways to help her escape the Kazon and were were plopped in his lap, needing to get to the the fifth planet and with far superior technology than anyone in this sector of space."

Janeway shook her head. She wasn't about to let Neelix's little deception of them slid; he was going to help them now whether he liked it or not. "Let's prepare another away mission to the planet, only this time we're going to the Ocampa and no detours. Maybe the girl we just helped rescue will feel slightly inclined to help us in return. Let's go join our guests in sickbay."

Paris, Chakotay, and Barrett followed the Captain out of the transporter room and made their way to the turbo lift. When they arrived in sickbay they found the Doctor cleaning the young Ocampa up, healing the cuts and bruises on her face, and Tuvok scolding Neelix, like he was one of the Vulcan's children.

"If you had told us what you had planned, we might have anticipated your irrational behavior," the Vulcan was saying, in a crisp even tone.

"Irrational? We got out of there didn't we?" Neelix snapped.

"Barely," Barrett muttered under her breath as the young Ocampa sat up on the biobed. Janeway flashed her a warning glare. She knew enough about her new commanding officer that the look meant it was time to keep her mouth shut. Pressing her lips together, she moved back a little, allowing Janeway to take the lead.

"Excuse me," the Ocampa said. "Don't blame Neelix."

The Doctor looked annoyed as the group closed in around the surgical biobed. "That's enough; this is a sick bay not a conference room. Everyone except my patient is to leave immediately."

Janeway voiced the words that both Barrett and Paris wanted too. "Computer, end medical holographic program." The Doctor gave her a surprised look before he disappeared, dropping an instrument on the floor. Janeway inched her way closer to the biobed, her arms crossed firmly over her chest.

"I never should have gone to the surface, I'm too curious," the Ocampa said as the Captain put the palms of her hands on the biobed. "I'm told it's my worst failing."

Neelix shook his head. "No no, it's a wonderful quality, you're most endearing."

"Would you be willing to take us underground to look for our missing crew?" Janeway asked her hopefully.

"I'm afraid that Jabin was right, there's no way to get down. The tunnel I came out has been sealed."

"We don't need a tunnel. We have the ability to transport there directly," Janeway told her. The girl looked genuinely curious at this statement.

"Captain," Tuvok's voice came from somewhere behind Janeway, "our sensors didn't pick up any indication of an underground civilization, the subterranean barrier that Jabin described maybe responsible. It might also block our transporter."

"There are breaches in the security barrier where it's begun to decay. That's how I got out."

Janeway mulled over her next course of action and turned to look at Tuvok. "Have the transporter room began a sweep for any breaches that we might be able to transport through." The Vulcan nodded his head and left the room, the door hissing shut behind him.

"Kes can tell you where to go, but now that she's free, we're leaving this system together," Neelix told Janeway. The Captain realized that was the first time she had ever heard the girl's name.

"Neelix," Kes said, forcefully. "These people rescued me."

"I rescued you!" Neelix replied, hotly.

"With their help; it would be wrong not to help them now."

Janeway smiled and ordered everyone, including Neelix and Kes back to the transporter room, and to prepare for another journey down to the planet, this time, however, they would be going underground.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

_Disclaimers apply as usual. _

A/N: Just cleaned this chapter up, nothing new. Enjoy!

* * *

"I'm sure Captain Janeway is doing everything she can to find us," Harry Kim told B'Elanna Torres, hoping to raise the young Klingon woman's spirits. The two were moping about a dark corridor in the Ocampa city, listening to the energy pulses and wondering if they were ever going to get out of here.

"What makes you think any of them are alive?" she asked him in return. She winced, suddenly, grabbing at her neck.

"Should I call for some help?"

"No," she grunted, angrily, moving away from him, and ducking into a small nook. Harry paced back and forth and then finally decided to lean against the wall in the nook as footsteps could be heard approaching.

He looked up to see the Ocampa nurse who had been there when he first had awoken. "Are you in pain?" she asked them, gently.

"Are you watching us?" B'Elanna snapped stepping towards her. "I thought you said we weren't prisoners here?"

"I wasn't watching you," the nurse assured them. "I was coming to give you something." She produced a vile of green powder to them. " I don't know if it will help," she told them, giving the vile to Harry. "It's a medicine. There are some people who have broken tradition that have left the city; their colony grows fruits and vegetables. They discovered quite be accident that the moss that grows on certain fruit trees have healing properties. I'm sorry for what has happened to you."

"We appreciate this," Harry told her. "But they only way we're to survive is if we can get to the surface and find our own people."

"The Elders would say that's against the Caretaker's wishes," the nurse replied.

"What do _you_ say?" B'Elanna challenged her.

"The Caretaker's been behaving strangely for the past several months. Abducting people, increasing the power supply. He's tripled the energy he sends us. They say we have enough stored now to run the city for five years," the nurse said.

"No body knows why?" Harry inquired.

"When we ask we're told to trust the Caretaker's decisions. One person I knew did get to the surface, we never saw her again."

"How?" Harry asked, hopefully.

"The ancient tunnels that brought us here still exist," the nurse answered. "Over the years small breaches in security barriers have appeared just large enough for someone to get through. But it still requires digging through meters of rock to get out."

B'Elanna moved towards her now. "Can you get us tools to dig with?"

"It could take days, maybe even weeks to break through," she told them. "You have to rest, conserve your strength."

"Please," Harry pleaded with her, "It's our only chance."

The nurse looked around for a moment or two before nodded her head; she was going to get them the digging tools, they were half way to finding their people.

* * *

The underground dwelling of the Ocampa was nothing like the away team was expecting. There were buildings and rows of growing vegetables. Kes told them that this was just a colony that had broken away from the city, to start their own way of life. As the away team, consisting of Tom Paris, Sarah Barrett, Chakotay, Neelix, Kathryn Janeway, and Kes, made their way through the colony many of the Ocampa farmers stopped to glance at them.

None of them appeared hostile though, just curious, and that put Janeway's mind at ease. Perhaps these people had not harmed Kim and Torres like she was beginning to dread, after seeing what the Kazon had done to Kes. This part of the galaxy seemed utterly ruthless and lawless and she feared being trapped here forever. If she had to choose a mission, being lost so far from home would never have been one of them. As it was searching for their missing crewmen was taking away precious time that could be used to convince the Caretaker to send them home.

The energy pulses could be heard, drumming away in each of their brains. Tuvok, who had stayed behind in command of _Voyager_, had told Janeway that they were increasing, just before the away team had beamed down to the colony that Kes had called home. Janeway, or anyone else for the matter, couldn't understand why the array was quickening the energy pulses.

The group had made it to the center of the small colony. A man and woman were looking over some type of plant; both looked up when the group with Kes approached. The male smiled, warmly as Kes went to embrace him.

"Hello Daggin," Kes greeted taking the man's hands in her own.

"We'd thought we'd never see you again," Daggin replied, with a warm smile. "How did you get back?"

Kes gestured to the away team. "These people rescued me from the Kazon. I'm trying to help them find two of their crewmen." She looked around the group of gathered Ocampans and asked, "Does anyone know where the aliens are kept? The ones that the Caretaker sends here?"

"I think that they're at the central clinic," Daggin answered.

It was the first bit of good news that Janeway had heard in what felt like days and she exclaimed, "Can you take us there?"

Two more Ocampa joined the group and Kes got an angry look on her face. "They cannot speak telepathically, Toscat, please talk a loud." Her harsh words made the away team all spin about and look at the newcomers. Up until that moment they had not been aware that these aliens possessed telepathic powers.

One of the newcomers, Toscat, looked apologetic. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude. But you should not be here."

"We'll be glad to leave as soon as we have our people," Janeway told him.

"That won't be possible, we cannot interfere with the Caretaker's wishes," Toscat said.

"Maybe you can't, but we can," Chakotay snapped.

Toscat shook his head. "You don't understand."

"That's right," Kes piped up, "They don't understand. They have no way of knowing that the Ocampa have been dependent on the Caretaker for so long that we can't even think for ourselves anymore. They don't understand that we were once a people that had full command over our minds abilities."

Toscat rolled his eyes. "The stories of our ancestor's cognitive abilities are apothecial. At the very least exaggerated."

"We lost those abilities because we stopped using them."

"You should not dwell on what's been lost," Toscat told Kes. "And look at all that has been gained."

"We've gained a talent for dependency to simply take what we're given," Kes retorted. "I'm going to help them Toscat, whether you like it or not. And I think my friends will join me."

Toscat took her by the arm and led her away from the group. "You've already defied the Caretaker by going to the surface. Learn from the experience. Follow the path he has set for us."

"I've learned very well, Toscat! I saw the sunlight! I can't believe that our Caretaker would forbid us to open our eyes and see the sky!" Kes exclaimed, passionately. "Come with me," she said, turning about to face Janeway. "We'll find your people."

Toscat could only watch as Kes and a group of her friends led Janeway and her away team towards the city. As they pulled away from the colony, Janeway reached out and grabbed a hold of Barrett's arm, gently, but with enough force that it pulled the young woman up to walk closely with the Captain.

"Now is as good a time as ever to ask this," the Captain said, softly so only the counselor's could hear. "Once we get our people back, what do you think Chakotay's going to do?"

Barrett glanced over her shoulder at the Maquis commander. He so far hadn't tried to hurt any of them. He seemed genuinely concerned for his missing crew and a fledging respect for Janeway. However, it didn't mean he wasn't going to turn on them the moment they had achieved their goal. "A number of things, but one being that he will do anything in his power to not be captured by us, we could be in for even more problems then just finding a way home. He's agreed to combine forces to find our missing people, because he knows that he needs our technology, however, once we've completed our mission, we're worthless to him and just another Federation Starship trying to capture him."

"So much for letting bygones be bygones," Janeway muttered.

"If he's smart, once we're back home in the Alpha Quadrant, he'll surrender. I don't know how that tiny ship would hold up if _Voyager _was chasing them constantly," Barrett replied. "But from my experiences, I've found that terrorist cells don't just give up so easily. I'm sure, while he's been spending time on his ship, he has been devising a plan for when we get home."

"If we get back home," Janeway told her. "If we don't, we're going to need them." In the past few days, while working so closely with the Maquis, Kathryn's opinion had slowly been changing about them.

"Ma'am?" her counselor asked her in a confused tone.

"I'm not going to lie to you Sarah," Janeway said to her. "Our chances of the array sending us home are slim. My senior staff is all but gone, with only you and Tuvok remaining, and if we're lucky Harry Kim. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook that we will get back to Federation space and our staff will be replenished, but the another part of me is facing reality. We're going to need to continue to join forces if we're going to survive out here."

The younger woman focused on the sounds of the energy pulses for a moment. Kathryn Janeway was right, if they did not get home like they were hoping, _Voyager _and the Maquis were going to have to depend on each other and their talents to get them through. No one knew what lay ahead from this point in the galaxy; it was a completely uncharted part of space for the Federation. They would be alone, with no one to come to their aide if they should need it. But would the Maquis ever go for an alliance with Janeway? Barrett was finding it difficult to picture it happening as they stepped onto an escalator; the Maquis were not exactly Starfleet's best friends.

Kes had informed them that they were entering the main city. The group spilt up, with the Ocampa going to check out the central clinic for Harry Kim and B'Elanna Torres. Janeway and the rest decided to begin asking around on their own about their missing people.

As they made their way through the crowds the sounds of the energy pulses vanished, they had stopped. Tapping her combadge, Janeway contacted Tuvok on _Voyager. _"Away team to Voyager, what's going on with the array?"

"_It's no longer sending out energy pulses Captain. It appears to be realigning its position._"

"Keep me informed, Janeway out."

As the away team proceeded on, Kes and her friends approached them. "They haven't been seen at the clinic for hours," Kes informed the Captain.

"We can search the city, ask around if anyone has seen them," Daggin suggested.

"If they were trying to get to the surface how would they go?"

"Probably the same way I did, up one of the ancient tunnels," Kes replied.

"Mister Paris, you and Neelix go with her and start checking them out," Janeway ordered Tom. "The rest of us will stay here; see what we can find out." The group split up once again, this time Paris going with Neelix and Kes to the search the tunnels, with Barrett and Chakotay staying with Janeway. "We need to talk to every doctor and nurse at this hospital, see what they can tell us about Torres and Kim."

The ground shook violently then and Janeway struggled to keep her balance.

"_Voyager to Janeway._"

"Go ahead."

"_Captain, the array is firing a weapon at the surface. It seems to be trying to seal the energy conduits._"

Janeway nodded her head. "Understood, keep a channel open," she said, walking along with Chakotay and Barrett.

"The array is the Ocampa's sole source of energy, why would the Caretaker seal the conduits?" Chakotay asked.

"He's sealing them because he no longer intends to provide for them, and to protect the Ocampa from the Kazon or other enemies," Barrett replied. "Captain, I think I've seen enough to piece together a reasonable hypothesis. The Caretaker is dying."

"Explain."

"Well, he's increased the energy supply so the Ocampa would have enough power to run on the city on their own for the next five years," Barrett replied, "and now it looks like he is trying to seal the conduits. Coupled with Tuvok's observations as well while on the array, the only conclusion I can come to at this point is that he does not intend to continue his role as Caretaker."

"That doesn't mean he's dying," Chakotay replied. "He could be leaving."

"I don't think so," Barrett replied. "While we were over there he kept talking about running out of time and a debt that could never be repaid. I believe that the debt he was speaking of was a debt he owed to the Ocampa. He also told us that we didn't have what he needed. I think he was trying to find someone to replace him, to continue providing for the Ocampa, so his debt continued to be repaid. He knew he was dying."

Janeway shook her head slightly. "If he dies, how the hell are we supposed to get home?"

"_Paris to Janeway._"

"Go ahead."

"_They're in one of the tunnels, Captain... I can't see them, but they're up there. We're going after them."_

Janeway felt a small feeling of relief creep into her heart. "Call for transport when you have them, Paris. We'll meet you on the ship." She tapped her combadge with a sense of urgency, for the city was really shaking now under the constant weapon's fire. "Janeway to Voyager."

"_Voyager here."_

"Three to beam up."

"_Stand by,_" came Tuvok's steady voice. "_Captain, I can't get a lock on you. The weapon's fire from the array has eradiated the planet's crust. The transport sensors can't find the breaches in the security barrier._"

"Come on," Janeway said, taking off in a jog, Chakotay and Barrett behind her. "There's only one other way out of here."

* * *

Paris lead the way up the winding metal stairs in the tunnel, his tricorder out so he could pick up Harry and B'Elanna's life signs. The two had made it up pretty far, but they hadn't made it out yet, that much he knew. Kes and Neelix were following closely behind him and he hoped that they reached Harry and B'Elanna before the weapons fire from the array caved the decaying tunnel in.

"_Janeway to Paris."_

"Go ahead," Paris responded to Janeway's call.

"_The transporters aren't working. You're going to have to find a breach in the security barrier when you get to the top,_" the Captain told him. "_We're a few minutes behind you. Janeway out._"

As another volley rocked the unstable stairs Paris caught movement a few flights up. "I see them," he told Neelix and Kes, putting his tricorder away and sprinting up the steps. His heart was pounding, he wasn't sure what condition Harry and Torres were going to be in. His tricorder had told him that they were alive but he didn't know how ill they were. They had after all been in a hospital on this planet.

"Took you long enough," Kim chided him when Paris finally caught up with him.

Paris helped Kim to his feet. "How could I let down the only friend I've got?"

"Friend?" Kim retorted as Kes moved past him to help B'Elanna. "What makes you think I'm your friend?"

The convict smiled as he pressed his combadge. "Paris to Janeway, we found them Captain."

"_Don't wait for us," _came Janeway's reply. "_Get them to safety_."

"Don't worry," Kes assured them as they made their way deep into the tunnel, off of the rickety stairs. "I know where we can get through the barrier.

They entered a dark cavern, the only light the flashlight that Harry Kim was carrying leading the way. As they rounded a corner a force field of some kind came into view, but there was an opening, just wide enough for them to pass through. Kes was the one to crawl passed it first, warning them not to touch it, that she had been told it could burn your skin off.

That didn't make anyone in that group feel any better, but they all helped each other through the barrier. B'Elanna crawled through after Kes, followed by Paris, than Kim and finally Neelix bringing up the rear. Once they were all past the force field, the group journeyed deeper into the cavern, until they came to a spot where Paris didn't think they could climb up anymore.

"I think we've reached the top," he announced, reaching for his phaser. "Neelix, get out your phaser." The Talaxian did so, pointing it towards where Paris instructed him to do so. They fired together and a few seconds later a pile of rocks came crashing down. The group retreated back into cavern so they wouldn't be hurt. When the rocks had stopped falling they were pleased to see the sun pouring in. They had managed to get to the top and create a hole to crawl out of; a transport to _Voyager_ was only a few minutes away.

Paris climbed the rubble first and reached his hand out of the hole, grasping onto the dry ground to pull his body out of the cavern. Reaching down he helped Kes out, then Harry, and finally B'Elanna. Neelix was able to crawl out on his own. Tapping his combadge, and with the help of Neelix, supported B'Elanna on his hip. "_Voyager_, can you get a lock on us now?"

"_Affirmative_," Tuvok's voice said. "_But I'm reading only five signals_."

Before Paris could tell the Vulcan that the others were a few minutes behind them, he heard the weapon coming before it hit. "Get down!" he screamed, forcing B'Elanna and Neelix into the dusty earth as a volley struck nearby, shaking the ground with a mighty force. There was a massive explosion, bigger than any of the others before. Paris looked up to see dust billowing out of the hole that they had just crawled out of.

He nervously tapped his badge. "Paris to Janeway?" There was no response. "Chakotay! Barrett, do you read!" He scrambled to his feet. "_Voyager, _prepare to transport everyone in this group except for me."

"_Understood._"

Neelix jumped to his feet as well. "You're not thinking of going back there!" he gasped. He then looked at Kes and the others, huddling on the ground. "Well, the fool needs company. Take care of them dearest," he said to Kes.

Paris took Neelix's combadge off and placed it in Kes' hand. "_Voyager, _make that three to beam up. Lock onto the other combadge and energize." As Paris and Neelix made their way back to the hole, Kim, Torres and Kes were transported off of the dry ground and back to _Voyager._

Paris climbed down the opening first, followed quickly by Neelix. They made their way back through the cavern and the barrier towards the stairs that they had found Harry and B'Elanna on. Hopefully Janeway and the others weren't too far from that spot, because there was a very real possibility that they all were not going to make it out of that ancient tunnel alive.

* * *

Janeway struggled to help Barrett up. When the last volley had hit, it had shaken the tunnel they were in and the stairs had started to collapse, tossing the three about violently. Chakotay had been the one to get the worst of it. He screamed out in pain as the stairs swayed some more.

"My leg is broken. I can't move," he told the Captain, who was looking more and more anxious with each volley that shook the stairs. They were hanging on by a precious thread and any moment now they were going to go tumbling down to the bottom of the cavern, taking all three of them with it. Janeway wasn't sure what to do. Barrett had bumped her head, and because of the previous injury, the Captain was certain it had made her groggy. She wouldn't be able to help Janeway get Chakotay up.

"Hold on," Janeway told him, not certain if she sounded so confident.

"Here they are," she heard Neelix's voice and thankfully looked over her shoulder.

"Neelix, help me with Sarah," she ordered the Talaxian.

Janeway wrapped one arm around Barrett while Neelix took the other and together they helped the young woman to her feet and began to get off the stairs, moving into the cavern.

"I'll get Chakotay," Paris told a worried Janeway, who nodded her head and went with Neelix and Barrett. He precariously stepped out onto the stairs, which came even looser with another weapon's volley. Gently he eased his body towards the commander.

Chakotay was struggling to hold on to the railing. "Get out of here Paris, before the whole thing comes down!"

"I intend too," Paris replied. "As soon as I get you up."

"You get on those stairs, they'll collapse. We'll both die," the Maquis commander said, wincing in pain.

Paris continued to inch his way towards him. "Yeah, but on the other hand if I save your butt, your life belongs to me." There was another volley and this time Paris slipped, his own behind hitting the hard metal stairs. There was no time to think about the pain, he pulled himself back up and continued towards Chakotay. "Isn't that some kind of Indian custom," Paris continued.

"Wrong tribe."

"I don't believe you," Paris said, as he finally reached him,wrapping an arm around the commander's to brace himself to help Chakotay up. "You'd rather die than let me be the one to rescue you."

Chakotay reached out and grabbed a hold of his arm, nearly pulling him down again. "Fine," he snapped. "Be a fool, if I have to die, at least I'll have the pleasure of watching you go with me."

With Chakotay firmly holding onto his back, Paris started the climb back up the steps. "Isn't there some Indian trick we're you can turn yourself into a bird and fly us out of here?"

"You're too heavy."

_Figures, _Paris thought as they finally made it to the top and off the stairs, glancing back just once, he saw the stairs dislodge and tumble to the floor below, just mere seconds after they had been on them. That had been a close call, too close.

It was slow going back through the barrier since Chakotay's leg was broken, but they soon made it and found Janeway, Barrett and Neelix waiting for them at the opening. Janeway quickly ordered that everyone go through the opening, starting with Neelix and Paris lifting Chakotay through it.

Once back on the surface, Paris helped both Janeway and Barrett to crawl through, noticing the slightly glassy look in Barrett's eyes.

"Janeway to Voyager, five to beam directly to Sickbay."

The grey walls of sickbay materialized before them and Paris was never so happy to see a starship than he was at that moment. The Doctor had already treated Harry and B'Elanna, who were already in their own clothes. Kes was near by, staying with them. Paris and Neelix helped Chakotay up onto the surgical biobed so the Doctor could begin to treat his leg.

Paris himself checked out Barrett, holding her eye lids open. "She's fine," he told Janeway. "Just a bad headache."

"That's easy for you to say," the young woman mumbled, rubbing her sore temple. Paris pressed a hypospray to her neck and immediately she felt relief and let out a content sigh.

Janeway let out a small sigh of relief herself that none of her people had been seriously hurt.

"_Bridge to Janeway. Two Kazon ships are approaching the array._"

"Set a course, I'm on my way," Janeway told Tuvok as she left sickbay, Paris and Barrett closely on her heels, followed by Kes and Neelix.

Chakotay swung his legs over the surgical biobed and told B'Elanna that they had to get back to their ship. The two left sickbay together, and the Doctor didn't look too pleased. "I strongly suggest rest! I will not be held responsible for the consequences! Is the crew always this difficult?" The hologram turned about and asked Harry Kim.

Kim jumped down from his biobed. "I don't know Doc, this is my first mission." With a little pat on the hologram's shoulder, Harry too left sickbay.

The Doctor looked about the now empty room, disgruntled. "Doesn't _anyone_ know how to turn off a program when they leave?"

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

_Disclaimers apply as usual. _

A/N: Expanded the dialog between Tuvok and KJ after the Caretaker dies.

* * *

"Bring the weapons systems online," Janeway ordered as she stepped out of the turbo lift with Barrett, Paris, and Kim. She hoped that she wouldn't have to use them, but she had a nagging feeling that the Kazon weren't going to make things easy for them.

Tuvok told her that the phaser banks and photon systems were powering up. She made a mental note to congratulate Sarah on her leadership of the repair front. Janeway had half expected that because the counselor, who had very little command experience, had been put in charge they were going to be behind in repairs. However, she had heard rumors that Joe Carey not giving her a report on time had rendered a tongue lashing and the repair efforts had doubled. It was a good thing too, or they might not have had weapons going into this confrontation.

"Red alert," she ordered, coolly, stepping into the command center, Paris besides her. She squinted her eyes for a moment, going over what she wanted to do next. There were no guarantees that the Kazon were going to talk to her. She needed the best people possible at each station. And since they had lost half of the senior officers she had very little choices. Right now as it was, Rollins, who was an operations officer was laying in the course to the array.

Turning about she looked at Sarah. "Tuvok and I are going to beam over to the array once we arrive, _Voyager's _job and the Maquis' will be to keep the Kazon occupied while we do that. I'm guessing they aren't going to be too happy about us showing up."

Barrett nodded her head. "Understood, ma'am."

"That leaves you in charge Sarah."

Again there was a curt nod of her head. She had taken her Bridge Officer's test and passed with flying colors, Janeway knew this from reading her personnel file, but Barrett had never actually been battled tested. The _Explorer _had been a science vessel assigned to study the Borg and their technology, not actually a heavy armored ship, which had been purposely done so the Borg would take little interest in them since they weren't a threat or worth the assimilation.

But the young woman's command skills were going to be tested here.

"The lead Kazon ship is hailing us Captain," Tuvok announced.

Hands on her hips, Janeway told him to put it on screen. Jabin appeared before her. "Have you come to investigate the entity's strange behavior as well Captain?"

"All we care about is getting home, Jabin," Janeway told him. "We're about to transport over to the array to see if we can arrange it."

"I'm afraid I cannot permit that."

She knew she was going to meet resistance. "We have no dispute with you."

"I have a dispute with anyone that will challenge us," Jabin replied, coldly.

Janeway sighed angrily and made her way down the steps to stand behind Conn. "This is ridiculous," she said, leaning against the console. "We have no intention of challenging you."

"And I have no intention of allowing anyone with your technological knowledge board the array."

"Jabin, can we discuss this like two civilized-," she started to say, but he cut the link. The ship shook slightly as the Kazon began to fire on them. Glaring, she moved towards the command station. "I guess we can't."

"Shields are holding," Tuvok said.

"Fire phasers," she ordered, sitting in her chair. "Evasive pattern delta four."

While the ships exchanged fire, she had Tuvok hail the Maquis. She was going to need their help if they were going to make a run at getting home. "Janeway to Chakotay, Tuvok and I are beaming to the array. Can you hold off the Kazon?"

"_I think so, Captain._"

"Good," Janeway responded, standing up. She glanced at Paris, confidently. "Mister Paris, take the conn."

Paris looked at her shocked for a moment before replying with a _yes ma'am_. Rollins quickly vacated the seat and went to replace Tuvok as the security officer left the bridge with Janeway. Tom ran his fingers lovingly over the controls for a moment. It had been a long time since he had flown anything and it was sending goose bumps up his arms, especially since he was at the helm of one of the most advanced starships in the Federation.

"Tom, it's a helm, not a girl, stop caressing it and fly this thing," Barrett snapped behind him, bringing his attention about. "Ensign Kim keep a transporter lock on the Captain and Tuvok, I want to be able to pull them out of there at a moment's notice."

"Understood Lieutenant."

_Lieutenant. _ The word vibrated in her brain for a while, it wasn't often that she heard people call her that, since she was after all a counselor. In fact that last time that she was sure she had heard it in succession had been at her court martial. The thought of that trial brought back bad memories and she purged them from her mind, she had a task at hand. The main one being that they had to give Janeway and Tuvok time to figure out how to use the array to get them home. It wasn't an easy task, but it wasn't necessarily turning out to be a hard. The ships that they were up against didn't have the fire power that was going to knock them out, and Tom was flying like he had never stepped away from the helm.

She was even a little surprised at how calm Kim was staying. Perhaps it was the adrenaline rush that they were all feeling that was keeping them going. But this was, after all, one of the things that every officer in that room had been trained for; they were just doing their duties.

Barrett nestled down into Janeway's chair, telling Paris to use evasive maneuvers. The little ships couldn't outrun _Voyager, _nor could they keep up.

"Ah, Lieutenant," Kim said nervously from operations. "I think we've got a problem."

Barrett snapped her head to her left and glanced over her shoulder at him. "What do you mean you think we have a problem?" Harry's eyes flickered to the screen and she turned to look. A massive warship had joined the Kazon in the fight. _Damn. _"Hail the Captain."

* * *

It was night time on the array. Crickets could be heard chirping in the background and Janeway felt a sense of nostalgia at the thought of Indiana summer nights. But she couldn't think about how much she longed to get home, first thing first, was to find the way to _get_ home.

Both she and Tuvok had their tricorders out as they entered the barn that Barrett had taken officers to find Paris and Kim just a few days before. It was hard to believe that it had been that long, so much had happened since then, Janeway realized. She could hear a banjo playing; someone was softly strumming the cords.

"The data processing system is behind this wall, Captain," Tuvok told her, pointing to the left of where she was standing.

Janeway glanced over at the old man, playing his banjo, and then looked at Tuvok. "You know what to do," she said as they parted ways, Tuvok heading for the data processing system and Janeway heading for the old man. She put her tricorder away and went to stand at the entrance to the stall that the old man was sitting in, around a gas lantern, playing his instrument. He looked up at her when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye.

"You're nothing, if not persistent," he said, with a chuckle when he saw her.

"We need you to send us back from where we came from," Janeway said to him, softly, leaning against the stall's open door.

He waved her off. "That is impossible. I barely have enough strength left to complete my work."

Janeway stepped into the stall. "You're sealing the conduits before you die," she said, recalling what Barrett had told her in the Ocampa city.

"If I don't the Kazon will steal the water," the Caretaker replied. "In a few years when the Ocampa's energy runs out, it won't matter. They'll be forced to come to the surface. And they won't be able to survive."

Janeway kneeled down like she would when speaking to her children and looked at him gently; the pieces were beginning to fall into place, finally. "Something you did turned their planet into a desert, didn't it? That was the debt that could never be repaid."

The Caretaker covered his face with a hand and nodded his head. "We were explorers from another galaxy, but we had no idea that our technology would be so destructive to their atmosphere. Two of us were chosen to stay behind and care for them."

"There's another like you here?"

A soft laugh, "Not anymore, she…she went off to look for more interesting places," the Caretaker said.

"Why were you bringing ships here?" Janeway inquired. "Infecting people with a fatal illness?"

The old man scoffed. "Oh they didn't die from an illness. They died because they were incompatible."

"Incompatible?" Janeway repeated.

"I've been searching the galaxy for a compatible bimolecular pattern," the Caretaker answered her. "Now in some individuals I found cellular structures that were similar, but I—,"

"You've been trying to procreate?" Janeway guessed, standing up.

"I needed someone to replace me," the Caretaker said, looking up at her and pointing to himself, "Someone who would understand the enormous responsibility of caring for the Ocampa; only my offspring could do that."

Janeway looked about for something to sit on. Pulling up an empty crate she sat down facing the Caretaker. "Did you ever consider allowing the Ocampa to care for themselves?" she asked him.

He looked appalled by the idea. "They're children."

Thinking of her own children, right now aboard _Voyager_, she offered him a small smile. "Children have to grow up." She paused for a moment to let him mull over her words, then said, "We're explorers too, most of the species we've encountered have overcome all kinds of adversity without the help of a caretaker. It's the challenge of surviving on their own that's helped them to evolve. Maybe your…children will do better than you think." As she spoke the words she knew that she was speaking words not only to put his mind at ease but her own.

She wasn't giving her children enough credit to be able to spend time away from her, just like the Caretaker wasn't giving the Ocampa enough credit to survive without him providing for them. The similarities in their situation were startling.

They were two _parents_ afraid of what was going to happen to their children when they weren't around.

"_Voyager to Janeway,_" Sarah Barrett's voice interrupted the conversation.

"Go ahead."

"_We've got problems, Captain. They Kazon just received a little back up._"

"We need more time, can you hold them off for another few minutes?" she asked, hopefully.

"_We'll do our best, Barrett out._"

* * *

Even as the words left her mouth, Sarah wasn't so sure she meant it. The warship was much larger than _Voyager _and had much more firepower the smaller Kazon scout ships. The tiny Maquis ship and _Voyager _just didn't have what it was going to take to disable the warship.

There was an explosion near the tactical station. A crewman who had been helping Rollins went flying through the air, over the railing, and banged into the console violently before falling to the deck. Barrett gripped tightly to the railing at Conn. "Paris, put some distance between us and that warship before they rip the ship apart!"

"I'm trying ma'am," Paris replied, "but we've sustained damage to the navigational systems."

Another volley shook the ship, this one more violent than the last and she lost her grip on the railing. Thankfully she didn't bang her head on anything else; she was getting sick and tired of hitting her head on railings lately. Pulling herself to her feet she brushed a stray piece of hair that had fallen out of her French twist, aside.

"Weapons just went off line!" Rollins shouted.

_What now? _She thought, her mind swimming over every possibility that she could think of. Naturally the next course of action to take was retreat, but Janeway and Tuvok were still over on the array and she wasn't about to leave them behind. "Try to get those weapons back online!"

Someone yelled out a _yes ma'am_, she really wasn't sure who it was. At that moment she didn't care who fixed it, as long as someone did. If they didn't get those weapons back online they were as good as sitting ducks.

"_Paris my crew is coming over. Tell one of your one your crackerjack Starfleet transporter chiefs to keep a lock on me," _Chakotay's voice came over the open comline with the Maquis ship. Barrett prayed that the former Starfleet officer had an idea, because she was fresh out of them. "_I'm going to try to take some heat off your tail._"

Barrett and Paris exchanged glances, realizing what he was about to do. "Acknowledged, but don't think for a second that this makes us even Chakotay, you're life is still mine, Paris out."

"He's setting a collision course with the Kazon warship, ma'am," Kim told her, although she had pretty much guessed that already. If he was successful then it just might take a lot of heat off their tail.

"Transporter room two, keep a lock on Commander Chakotay and a wait his orders to beam him out," Barrett ordered. She wasn't even sure if the transporter room responded, there was another loud explosion and she found herself ducking.

B'Elanna Torres suddenly appeared on the Bridge. She made her way down towards the conn and nearly knocked Sarah over in the process. The counselor didn't have time to say anything, Harry was speaking to her. "I'm maintaining a lock on him, ma'am, but he's getting to close."

"I'm getting you out of there Chakotay," Paris told him.

"_Not yet!"_

Barrett, Paris, and Torres watched on the screen as the Maquis ship closed in on the large warship. It started to catch on fire as it got too close to the Kazon ship and began to break up. "This is crazy, Chakotay, you're breaking up!" Barrett shouted, nervously looking at Paris to tell the transporter room to beam him out. All she needed was the Maquis commander to be killed on her watch.

"Stand by to transport," Paris said.

"_Wait!_"

The ship continued to get closer and Torres held her breath, waiting to hear Chakotay tell _Voyager _to beam him out. The ship was practically on top of the Kazon warship when they heard the commander yell out "_Now!"_

As the Maquis ship collided with the Kazon warship it exploded into a brilliant ball of fire and light, forcing the Kazon ship to spin out of control and towards the array. Barrett couldn't worry about where that ship was going to land, not at the moment. "Transporter room two do you have him?" she asked, anxiously.

"_They have me,_" came Chakotay's voice.

Barrett smiled, shaking her head at Paris. "That was close."

"Too close."

"Lieutenant!"

Barrett glanced up to see the Kazon ship crash into the array. One of the arms broke off and the Kazon ship exploded. "Harry, do you still have a lock on the Captain and Lieutenant Tuvok?" she asked the young Asian man.

"Yes ma'am."

"_Voyager report."_

She was a bit startled to hear the Captain's voice. "A Kazon vessel just collided with the array, ma'am. Are you alright?" Barrett asked Janeway.

"_Affirmative. Stand by."_

The tone of her voice wasn't good and Barrett felt a sinking feeling creeping into her stomach. She had a feeling that this day was not going to end the way that they wanted it too.

* * *

"The self destruct has been damaged," the Caretaker said, no longer in the holographic image of the old man, but rather a glowing form of sporocystian energy. In fact the barn was gone as well, and Janeway and Tuvok found themselves standing amongst alien technology and the entity that lived there. "Now this installation will not be destroyed."

Janeway watched as the life form began to shrink and grow dim. The Caretaker was on his last few legs of life. "But it must be," he continued, even as he shrank some more, growing even dimmer. "The Kazon cannot be allowed to gain control of it…they will annihilate the Ocampa." The being shrunk down to the size of a rock at the Captain's feet and went silent. Janeway knew that he was gone and she was faced suddenly with a terrible decision to make. She bent down to pick up the rock form that the Caretaker had become in his death and studied its crystal edges.

"Shall I activate the program that will get us back?" Tuvok asked above her. She still stared at the rock turning it over in her hands.

"And what happens to the Ocampa, after we're gone?"

Tuvok knelt down besides her, softly speaking, "Captain, any action that we take to protect the Ocampa would affect the balance of power in this system. The Prime Directive would seem to apply."

"Would it?" She challenged him, emotion laced thick in her voice. "We never asked to be involved, Tuvok. But we are," she finished, looking up at her friend. "We are." Her fingers lightly traced over the remains of the Caretaker in her hand. "Can we turn our backs on them, Tuvok, knowing what will happen if we do? An entire race could be destroyed if we do nothing. I'm not sure I can live with that knowledge."

"You do realize if we destroy the array we destroy any chance of getting home."

"I do, in fact I realize it too much, Tuvok."

"Then I do not envy your position, Captain."

Janeway smiled sadly, her eyes glistening. In her heart she couldn't turn her back on the Ocampa, even though helping them would be a violation of the Prime Directive. She toyed with several ideas, one being to reactivate the self destruct on the array, send them home and hope for the best. But the Kazon would board the array once they were gone and surely figure out how to disable the self destruct. Perhaps she could give the tools to destroy the array to Neelix and Kes and leave the task of ridding this sector of the entity's home to them. But then visions of the two aliens dying because of her left her shaken. They only way was to destroy the array herself. "Neither to I, Tuvok," she finally said, rising from the floor, the Caretaker's remains firmly in her grasp. "But I know what must be done."

* * *

The most recent volley knocked Barrett into Chakotay and Torres into the back of Paris' chair. The commander help Barrett gain her bearings as Kim announced that the Captain and Tuvok had beamed back to the ship.

She felt a little bit of relief coerce through her veins. She no longer had to worry about the Captain and Tuvok getting hurt over on the array. She could only hope that they had found a way to get them home now.

"Mister Tuvok," she heard Janeway speaking as the Captain stepped back onto the Bridge. "Ready the tri-cobalt devices."

Barrett glanced at Janeway as she made her way down to the command station. For a brief moment their eyes met, and Sarah didn't know why, but she knew that Janeway was about to destroy the array, thus stranding them seventy thousand light years from home. _Well, you wanted an opportunity to prove yourself, here it is_, she thought, trying to remain hopeful.

"Open a channel to the Kazon," Janeway ordered, stopping next to Barrett. Kim informed her that the channel was open and Jabin's face once again appeared on the screen.

"Be advised Captain," the Kazon Maje told her. "I have called for additional ships."

"I'm calling to warn you to move your vessels to a safe distance," Janeway told him. "I tend to destroy the array."

"You can't do that."

"I can, and I will. End transmission!" The image of Jabin disappeared as another violent volley of weapon's fire hit the ship.

"They're increasing weapon's fire, Captain," Kim reported. "Shields are holding."

"Move us four hundred kilometers from the array Mister Paris," Janeway instructed.

B'Elanna Torres looked about anxiously. Even though they were on a Federation Starship and the prospect of going home meant prison time, it sure was a hell of a lot better than spending the rest of her life out here. She moved towards Janeway. "What do you think you're doing? That array is the only way we have to get back home!"

"I'm aware that everyone has families and loved ones that they want to get back too, so do I," Janeway told her softly. _And I'm about to condemn my children to a life on a starship, _she added in her head. "But I'm not willing to trade the lives of the Ocampa for our convenience. We'll have to find another way home," she finished moving away from the Klingon woman.

"What other way home is there?" Torres snapped following her. Chakotay reached out and grabbed a hold of her arm. She looked down at him. "Who is _she _to be making all of these decisions for us?"

His answer was simple. "She's the captain."

"The tricobalt devices are ready."

"We're in position."

"Fire!"

The white balls of tri-cobalt energy fired out of _Voyager, _striking the array. The bridge crew watched as it exploded, arms collapsing, in a brilliant ball of oranges and yellows and whites. There was silence, no one spoke, not sure what to make of what they had just done, destroying their only way home.

Janeway was fighting her tears, wondering how she was ever going to explain to Michael and Ava that they were now forced to live on a starship, with very little chance of seeing Earth again. Ava was still a baby, their situation wouldn't fully settle in until she was much older, if it ever did settle in, after all _Voyager _was going to be the only home she would ever know now, barring a miracle getting them home sooner. Michael on the other hand, Kathryn wasn't sure how to reason to him what she had done and why she had done it.

"The Kazon are hailing us," Kim whispered, hoarsely behind her.

Janeway swallowed her tears and put on her_ command_ face. "On screen."

Jabin's face appeared before her once again, he looked displeased with her. "You have made an enemy today, Captain."

With those words the alien disappeared from her sight. In the back of her mind she heard Tuvok tell her that the Kazon were withdrawing. How he could remain emotionless at a time like this, she wasn't sure, and she envied him and his abilities to just shut the emotions off. Right now her heart was breaking. "Tuvok, please bring Michael and Ava to my ready room. I have some explaining to do."

When the Vulcan had left the bridge to retrieve the Captain's children, and Janeway had disappeared into the safe confines of her ready room,Torres angrily rasped out. "How could she do that? Doesn't she care what anyone else thinks? Doesn't it matter to her that we're over seventy thousand light years from home now? We'll probably never see home again!"

"Captain Janeway's decision affected her more than you think," Barrett responded to the hotheaded woman. The counselor turned about going to sit down, realizing that her body was aching from being tossed about so much in the Kazon's attack. "Stand down red alert," she ordered, softly and the lights were brought up.

"Her decision was selfish," B'Elanna hissed.

Barrett spun about before she could sit down and glared at the Klingon woman. "Perhaps it was, perhaps it wasn't. But tell me this, Miss Torres; do you honestly think a woman would strand her children so far away from the only home they've known because it was selfish? Or because in the end it was the right thing to do?"

Torres was dumbfounded, she had no idea that Janeway had children, let alone the fact that they were on board the vessel. The doors to the bridge hissed open then and she could see Tuvok return with two children, small children, the little girl being not much older than one. Perhaps she had misjudged Janeway.

Tuvok brought the children to the door and allowed them to enter the room. Michael held firmly to Ava's hand as they stepped in, Tuvok not following them. Their mother was sitting on the couch looking out the window and she looked like she was upset. There was a picture being displayed on her personal computer of the small family with Molly.

"You wanted to see us Mama?" the boy said, stepping closer to the couch.

Kathryn turned to smile at them, but it was a sad smile, and she knew that the children were going to be able to pick it up in her eyes. "Come sit with me for a moment. We have to talk about something."

Michael guided his sister up the steps and the two children went to sit on opposite sides of their mother. "What do we need to talk about?"

"Do you remember when we read about the _Mayflower_, at Thanksgiving?" she questioned.

"Yes, it was ship that traveled a long way across the ocean to find a new home," Michael answered. "Why are you asking me about this? Thanksgiving was months ago."

Kathryn chuckled softly and ran a hand through his hair. "Because, we're kind of like the _Mayflower_ and the pilgrims now, traveling a long way to get home; they didn't know what they were going to find, neither do we." She pulled the baby up onto her lap and draped her free arm around Michael. "They were alone and far away from anything that they knew."

"Are we far away from home?" Michael asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid that we are," Kathryn replied, sadly.

"Are we trying to find a new home, like the pilgrims?"

"No," Kathryn answered a bit too sharply, "but it's going to take us a long time to find our way home."

The boy mulled it over for a moment. "Well, as long as we're home by summer. I promised Billy we'd go fishing at Grandma Gretchen's. He doesn't believe me that she has the best creek to go fishing in."

Kathryn bit her lip, hard, almost to the point where she drew blood. "Michael, honey, I don't think you understand," she whispered. She had tried to put it in terms that he could grasp, but maybe he was still too young to understand their situation. "When I say a long time, I mean years, honey." _We may never see Earth again, Voyager could fly into the shipyards with my grandchildren at the helm. If we even make it to Earth._

"Oh, so no fishing," Michael quipped, disappointment flashing in his blue eyes.

"Mama was selfish, honey, and I'm sorry," Kathryn said, gently brought out of her musing. "I was selfish and took you with me when you should have stayed home with Grandma all because I was afraid of being separated from you." Ava was playing with her combadge and she shifted the child about in her lap. "I was selfish when I chose to destroy the only way home we had, to protect others and I'm sorry for all the things you're not going to get to do because I was selfish."

"But, if you had left us with Grandma, then you'd be far away from home, without us," Michael offered.

"I suppose you're right."

"Wouldn't that have made you sad?"

She couldn't help it, tears leaked out of the corner of her eyes. "Yes."

The child snuggled closer to his mother on the couch. "I don't want you to be sad, Mama. I don't mind missing fishing; I'd rather be with you anyways."

Struggling against her tears, Kathryn held both children to her tightly, vowing to someday get them home.

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: Thought I would post this before spending the day in Boston with my college roommate. Couple of additions to this chapter, first Chakotay telling the Maquis that they are joining KJ's crew, second I added reactions of Tom Paris' father, KJ's mother and sister, and Sarah Barrett's brother, when they were told that _Voyager _was lost.

* * *

The briefing room seemed strangely empty to Sarah Barrett as she slipped into a chair at the table. The last time she had been in this room the senior staff had been in tack, with the exception of Tuvok. Now, the only ones to adorn the chairs were Tuvok, herself, and a jolted looking Chakotay.

Two hours had passed since Kathryn Janeway had ordered the destruction of the Caretaker's array. No one had seen the Captain since that moment, the only ones going in and out of the Ready Room being her children. And then out of the blue she had ordered Tuvok, Sarah, and Chakotay all into the conference room and said she would be joining them in a few moments. Now the three of them were sitting silently, each lost in their own thoughts. Tuvok was staring emotionless at the ship's schematics screen, Chakotay nervously out the windows, and Sarah's own eyes flicked back forth between the two men.

"We have a problem," Kathryn's voice cut through the silence as she came into the room. All three pairs of eyes focused on her. The bluntness of her statement was not lost on them. "Besides the obvious fact that we are now seventy thousand light years from home, we don't have a senior staff to run this ship. Lieutenant Tuvok and Lieutenant Barrett have done a fine job in the wake of our situation, but it won't last. Eventually, they'll burn themselves out."

Chakotay realized that she was talking to him more than to Tuvok or Sarah.

"Not to mention, there's a matter of a Maquis crew without a ship," Kathryn added. "Now, I could just very well throw you all in the Brig for the next seventy five years, but," her voice dropped slightly, and became softer, "that wouldn't benefit any of us. I'm here to offer the proverbial olive branch."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow and briefly made eye contact with Sarah.

"What do you mean by that?" Chakotay asked her, although he had pretty much surmised what the woman wanted.

"Join my crew," Kathryn replied, not bothering to notice the objective look in Sarah's eyes. "We could use the extra hands around here and…" here she paused again, "I need a new First Officer. I've promoted Mister Tuvok to Lieutenant Commander for his service on your ship and to me; however, I'm going to need him at Tactical."

Chakotay noticed Sarah fidget in her chair and realized that the Captain had not talked to her counselor about anything she may have decided in the past two hours that she had locked herself in her ready room. "Are you offering the job to me, Captain?"

Kathryn gave him a curt nod of her head. "You were once a Starfleet officer, you're more than qualified to do the job."

He mulled over her offer. In the end, he concluded that he didn't have much of a choice, since he had destroyed his own ship to help save hers. He also knew that for her, a by the book Starfleet officer, it had to be a tough choice to send up the white flag and ask sworn enemies of her beloved Federation to join her crew. But desperate times called for desperate measures and by accepting the job, Chakotay was about to disembark on a journey that was going to show him that Kathryn Janeway was not always a by the book officer. "I'll speak to my crew, but joining your crew sounds a hell of a lot better then sitting in the brig for seventy five years."

For the first time in hours, Kathryn let a smile play on her lips. "Good, now that that is settled. Tom Paris."

"Tom Paris?" Sarah repeated, confused.

"I've decided to give him a field commission of Lieutenant, junior grade," Kathryn replied. "We need a good pilot out here and he's the best one we've got. It seems only fair that I've offered spots in this crew for the Maquis that I offer him one as well."

"Captain, I'll take responsibility for him," Chakotay offered, in a hushed tone. The eyes of the three Starfleet officers snapped up to the man's face. "I…my life belongs to him; it's…a complicated story, perhaps another time."

Kathryn gave him a gentle nod of understanding and turned her blue eyes to Sarah. "I understand you were a full lieutenant, recommended for promotion to lieutenant commander, when you were on the _Explorer. _ Gabriel never told me that."

"My rank was striped before the trial, and let's just say the promotion...was held off," Sarah responded. "I don't see how this is relevant now."

"It's relevant because I'm reinstating you to full lieutenant," Kathryn answered her, firmly.

"Ma'am, can I ask why?"

"Gabriel would tell you its because I like taking risks," Kathryn replied, "however, current circumstances could call upon you to be in command every now and then, in the absence of Mister Tuvok, myself, and Mister Chakotay. Tuvok and I already talked about this, earlier while we were searching for Harry and B'Elanna; we could use another good officer around here. Naturally, you'd be our last resort when it comes to command situations, but your job just got a bit more important now, you're going to need the privileges of a commander to help you through. It also seemed relevant to elevate your rank above the highest rank I'll be given the Maquis, with the exception of Commander Chakotay."

"In other words, making me more of an authority figure in their eyes," Sarah reasoned.

"You could put it that way," Kathryn said. She looked about the room for a brief moment. "I understand that this is going to be difficult, but we have to work together, as senior officers, and set an example for this crew, if we're to survive."

"I'll have to set up a counseling schedule, the first few days are going to be the roughest," Sarah said.

"And I'll start immediately on training the Maquis crewmembers in the latest of Starfleet protocol and tactics," Tuvok responded.

Chakotay was impressed how easily the two officers had put any reservations they may have aside and focused on what was more important; getting this crew home. However, he wasn't a fool, he knew that it was going to take time, precious time, for all of this to work out, if it ever did.

Kathryn nodded her head in approval, expecting nothing less of her officers. Stretching out her hand to Chakotay, she waited for him to take it. "Do we have an agreement?" For a moment the Native American looked into her deep pools of blue irises and then reached out and took her hand, unknowingly vowing to stand by her.

She was about to dismiss them when Sarah spoke up, "Captain, there's another matter we need to talk about."

"Oh? Really?"

"Mister Neelix approached me, he and Kes want to stay on _Voyager,_" Sarah replied.

"You explained to him that this isn't a passenger ship, right?"

"Yes ma'am," Sarah responded, "but he made a compelling argument. He knows this region of space, quite frankly, better than any of us, he offered himself as a guide. Kes has already proven that she is an explorer at heart, I think this crew could benefit greatly from their addition."

Kathryn found her reasons adequate and it warmed her heart that they had made some friends already in this hostile region of space. With a brief nod of her head she informed Sarah to add Neelix and Kes to the crew roster, and then dismissed her officers, ordering all of them to be present on the Bridge in an hour. She had a few wrinkles to smooth out and then it was time to address her crew.

* * *

Commander Chakotay, formerly of the Maquis ship _Val Jean_, strode slowly down the corridor towards the cargo bay where his crew was being held under armed guard. He glanced over his shoulder tentatively.

The two security officers who had escorted him up to the briefing room were still there, but now they were keeping a distance. Chakotay shook his head slightly and kept walking. Why Kathryn Janeway trusted him was beyond his comprehension, the fact that she did, made him realize he had misjudged her from the start. It was clear that this was no ordinary woman in command of the _U.S.S Voyager_. She had after all held out the proverbial olive branch to him, despite the obvious protest in her counselor's eyes and the stoic expression on Tuvok's face. Janeway saw the need for survival; if they were to survive she needed him. Any other man in his position would probably take advantage of that. He could think of a few other commanders in the Maquis that would have used her…femininity against her. But he couldn't. He may have left Starfleet, became an enemy of the Federation, but he still had honor. This was Kathryn Janeway's ship and she had offered him either the brig for seventy five years or to help them all get home. Personally he didn't want to be forced to live in a tiny cell for the next seven decades.

He stopped just outside of the cargo bay. In his mind he could hear almost all of them, yelling at him that this was ridiculous. They couldn't join Janeway's crew, she had been sent to hunt them down, arrest them. Again he shook his head slightly and entered the room. B'Elanna Torres and Seska were the first to stand up and greet him. B'Elanna was wearing a scowl and watched with intense hatred as the security detail followed Chakotay into the room.

"I'm surprised Janeway hasn't sucked us all out into space yet," the half Klingon woman hissed gesturing towards the cargo bay doors. "What did she want to see you for anyways? To hand you your sentence?"

Chakotay shook his head. "No," he replied calmly, "she had an offer to make."

Seska scoffed. "An offer? What kind of offer? The brig for seventy five years or confinement to this room?"

"She offered for us to join her crew," Chakotay stated, his voice echoing off of the walls.

"She what?" B'Elanna choked. "You're kidding right? Is that her way of saying 'I'm sorry that my holier than thou Starfleet principles stranded you here'? Because if it is, I don't buy it. This is her way to set us all up to fail, so _if _we do make it home, she can throw it all in our supporters' faces. She _hates _us Chakotay, she doesn't want this."

He glanced at their angry faces for a moment. "She's doing what she thinks is best for her crew."

"That's just it, it's about her crew, not about us Chakotay," Seska snapped, "Don't think for one second she cares about what happens to you."

"She'll keep us under tight survaliance you know it," B'Elanna retorted. "Personally I'll take the brig."

Chakotay felt angry. He had told Janeway, promised her that he would join her. Clenching his fists to stop an angry outburst, he glared at the group of rebels. "I don't think you understand this isn't a choice. I've already made it, we're joining her crew. I told Captain Janeway that you would all give her your best and that you'd follow her just as loyally as you followed me." Their faces conveyed shock. He didn't care, it was his duty now to not be their friend. "Now," he growled, "the security details will escort you to your quarters, and by the way, you all need to change, you're out of uniform."

As they flied out, B'Elanna muttered, "I hope you're not making a mistake Old Man."

"Me too, B'Elanna," he mumbled, "me too."

* * *

Newly commissioned Lieutenant Tom Paris looked about the gathering on the bridge. Starfleet and Maquis crewmen were scattered about the cabin, at various stations, the senior staff, still not complete because they had yet to find a chief engineer or a chief medical officer, were also present. Tom wondered what had prompted Janeway to give him the commission. In her ready room, just a few minutes before she had told him that he had earned it. But had he really? Was it just her need for a good pilot that got him the rank?

He was going to prove to her otherwise if that was the case.

B'Elanna Torres nervously adjusted her issued uniform. Never in her life time after she had dropped out of the Academy had she thought she'd be wearing one of these uniforms again. When Chakotay had announced Janeway's offer, she had scoffed at the idea. But he had turned her objections down, gently, in that damn soft tone of his, and told her that it was better than staying in the brig for the trip home.

She was certain that this merging of two completely different crews was never going to work.

Harry Kim was just grateful to be at his station all in one piece. He hadn't had much time to think about it while they had been battling the Kazon, but now as his fingers brushed the controls, he realized just how close he came to dying on his first mission. But now, the reality of their new situation began to set in, and he longed for home.

Neelix and Kes stood mutely near the command station, each new friend determined to help the crew get through their long journey and by apart of it.

Sarah Barrett and Chakotay stood in the center of the command station, each lost in their own thoughts, wondering if the Captain had made the right decision when it came to destroying the array and stranding them here, essentially merging two crews into one.

The door to the ready room hissed open and all eyes turned towards her. "Captain on the Bridge," Tuvok called out and everyone, with the exception of Neelix and Kes, slid into an at ease position. Kathryn made her way up the steps and glanced around at the gathered officers and crewmen. It was a sight that normally didn't overwhelm her, but perhaps today it did because of what she was about to say.

"At ease," she told them, watching as they all slid into position, and as Paris took his seat.

Making her way through the command station, making sure to make eye contact with each officer as she passed, she wound her way, slowly around Conn. With a deep breath she began to speak to them, hoping that her words didn't sound harsh or cold. "We're alone, in an uncharted part of the galaxy," she started her eyes falling on Kes and Neelix. "We've already made some friends here, and some enemies. We have no idea of the dangers we're going to face, but one thing is clear, both crews are going to have to work together if we're to survive," she said, stepping up to Chakotay. "That's why Commander Chakotay and I have agreed that this should be one crew, a Starfleet crew and as the only Starfleet vessel assigned to the Delta Quadrant we'll continue to follow our directive: to seek out new worlds and to explore space. But our primary goal is clear. Even at maximum speeds it would take 75 years to reach the Federation. But I'm not willing to settle for that. There's another entity like the Caretaker out there somewhere who has the ability to get us there a lot faster. We'll be looking for her, and we'll be looking for wormholes, spatial rifts or new technologies to help us. Somewhere along this journey, we'll find a way back."

With a brief pause and a glance between her new first officer and counselor, Kathryn Janeway set her jaw and looked at Tom Paris, "Mister Paris," she ordered, "Set a course; for home."

* * *

_Three weeks after Voyager is pulled into the Delta Quadrant..._

"Admiral Paris, sir," a young man's voice interrupted the older man's working. "Admiral Patterson is here to see you."

Owen Paris scoffed, looking at the scattered PADDs on his desk. "Did you inform him that I'm not to be disturbed unless it was an emergency? I can't take every call or I'll never get all this work done and be home in time for my wife's dinner party with the Hayes'. Tell him I'll catch up with him tomorrow."

The young aide nervously wrung his hands. "I did tell him that you were busy, sir, he insisted. He told me to inform you that it was about your son."

Thomas. Of course this was about Thomas, Owen thought as he sighed heavily. Erin hadn't been too happy three weeks ago when he had shown up on the Paris' door with the news that after helping the_ Voyager _find the Maquis and getting out of jail on parole, he'd be leaving Federation space, to only heavens knew where. Owen was utterly exhausted by the lashing out Thomas had done since the day he was born. He knew that he hadn't been the best father to his son, he'd pushed him to extremes never realizing that Thomas would push back just as more. Erin was devastated that he was leaving as soon as he could, she blamed Owen. "What did my son do this time? Is he back from the mission yet?"

"The _Voyager's _mission is what Admiral Patterson would like to talk to you about," the aide replied. "Shall I let him in?"

"Very well," Owen said, pushing the PADD he was working on to the side. "I'm already behind in my work, send him in."

Owen Paris had known Matthew Patterson for quite some time, he had been the one to push Owen to take on a spitfire of a student, one by the name of Kathryn Janeway. Owen could tell that what Patterson had to tell him not was none too pleasant by the way the man was walking with his shoulders slightly slumped. "Matthew, please have a seat," Owen greeted when the Vice Admiral entered his office. "What can I do for you my old friend?"

Patterson didn't sit. "Owen, I wish this was a social call. I'm afraid I'm here on business."

Owen felt his shoulders stiffen. "What kind of business?"

"It's about the _Voyager,_" Patterson said. Owen noticed the man's hands were trembling slightly. "I blame myself Owen."

"Blame yourself for what?"

"We hurried _Voyager's _final preparations when our agent didn't report in," Patterson began," I let Katie talk me into it, you know her, she's stubborn, she didn't want too much time to pass since we hadn't heard from him. I thought the ship was ready, we all thought the ship was ready. We were wrong."

Owen shook his head. "I'm not sure I'm following you, Matthew."

Patterson's eyes grew sad and tired. "I ordered them to the Badlands, to track Chakotay."

"The Badlands, Matthew no ship can navigate through the plasma storms."

"We believed the _Voyager _could, she was designed for such places," Patterson replied with a slight raise of his chin.

Owen suddenly felt his heart race, thundering in his chest. "Matthew, what's happened? What happened to _Voyager?"_

"I want you to know that we're doing everything we can to recover them," Patterson said, fleetingly.

"Recover? My god, Matthew, my son...what the hell happened?"

The other admiral's eyes grew even more sad and tired. "We haven't confirmed reports yet but a Cardassian patrol ship saw them entering the Badlands...and subsequently destroyed by a plasma storm. It will be at least two more weeks before we can modify a ship to search for wreckage," Patterson replied, "If we can believe the Cardassian patrol's story. If this is the case, than all hands are considered lost."

_Lost, Thomas...lost. _Owen could only hear the pounding of his own heart. Erin would surely blame him now for everything that had befallen their son. And Owen couldn't say that he didn't blame her for doing so. Their son was lost, finally beyond their reach, there would never be reconciliation, never be peace between them again. In that moment Owen forgave his son of all his misgivings and with a heavy heart realized that he only did in the moment when Thomas was dead, not when he was living. It was something that Owen Paris was going to have to take to his grave and beyond, the knowledge that forgiveness was indeed given too late.

* * *

Nothing could shatter the spirit of this day, Luke Barrett thought as he held his newborn daughter, _absolutely nothing. _He only wished that his family were alive to see her. His parents had died untimely deaths due to their jobs with Starfleet, and his sister was walking that path as well, only killing herself with her drug addiction and depression. Luke had cut ties with her after visiting her once in the prison that she was being held in.

The last time he had seen Sarah had been disaster. She was going through severe withdrawal from the drugs, screaming at the nurses at the rehab center just to give her more. Luke had been dismayed at what he saw, gone was the strong young woman that he associated with his little sister, gone was the ambitious young officer who wanted to take the Federation by storm. Well, she had taken them by storm alright, just not the way she had planned. He had been glad that his father wasn't alive anymore to see his darling little girl in that state.

Sarah, not cohesive, had blamed Luke for all her problems, blamed Commander Fletcher, blamed the officer she had been dating for just abandoning her. Luke wasn't sure what she had seen in her seven months studying the Borg, she had not been allowed to talk about it, but their relationship had gone south when she had taken that position. Luke told her she was inviting trouble, death; she thought she was doing some good for the galaxy. It had only driven her to drugs and self destruction.

He looked at his daughter. Her little deep blue eyes were looking at him; _Sarah's sapphire eyes. _Luke shook his head. If she had chosen differently she could have been apart of his life, but she had chosen darkness. He could not let that darkness around his family, his daughter.

"Have you thought of a name yet, sir," the nurse asked stepping into the room.

"None yet," Luke said with wry smile. "We can't seem to decide."

"You can't seem to decide," his wife, Brenna, called out from the comfort of her bed. "I've given you several suggestions."

"It's alright," the nurse said with a smile, "there is plenty of time to figure out a name. Are you well enough for visitors, Mrs.Barrett?"

"Visitors?" Luke questioned looking up at the nurse. "What visitors?"

Brenna's family had been away on holiday when she had gone into labor and wouldn't be arriving until tomorrow. He didn't have a family to speak of, with the exception of Sarah, but he had not spoken to her about Brenna's pregnancy. Who could be coming to see them? Luke glanced at his wife, who shrugged her shoulders. She seemed just as confused as he was.

The nurse waited patiently for an answer. When she didn't get one, she prodded, "There is an Admiral here to see you. Mister Barrett I assumed it was a colleague of your late father's."

Luke frowned. He hadn't been in touch with any colleagues of Jason Barrett's since his father had died unexpectedly in a shuttle accident. None of the admirals had contacted him when Sarah had been on trial, they barely looked at him when during that trial. She had disgraced both of them in front of the Federation brass and he wasn't even in Starfleet. "I haven't spoken to any colleagues of my father since his death."

"Shall I send him away?"

"No," Luke said, "no that would be rude. You can send him in."

Brenna sat up and looked at her husband thoughtfully. "Do you think Sarah sent him?"

"She didn't even know you were pregnant, I don't see how she could have sent him."

"Don't you think we should tell her, Luke, she's your sister."

"My sister died when my father did."

Brenna looked at him sadly. The rift between Luke and Sarah had started when she had taken the assignment on the _Explorer. _It had taken her away from Earth and her family for seven months. She'd been away when her father had died in the shuttle accident, she didn't make it home in time for the memorial. Luke had been furious at her when she finally did show up on Earth, begging him to forgive her not making it back in time. Brenna remembered him slamming the door in her face. They'd heard nothing from her, assuming that she went back to her ship afterwards, until the lawyer had shown up on their doorstep. The drug addiction had been the final straw for Luke, he'd cut all ties with her and it broke Brenna's heart to know her daughter wasn't going to know her aunt.

The door to Brenna's room slid open and a tall, broad shouldered man dressed in the uniform of a Vice Admiral entered. Luke stood and placed his daughter in his wife's arms and turned to greet him. "Admiral Thornton," he said holding out his hand, "it's been a while, sir."

Adam Thorton grasped Luke's hand tightly. "I'm sorry to bother you, Luke, but...I have news."

"News? What kind of news?" Luke asked, crossing his arms over his chest. _My god Sarah what have you done now. _"Sarah?"

"Yes, Sarah," Thornton replied. He cleared his throat. "How much of her latest assignment did you know about?"

Luke blinked. "Her latest assignment? She's been reassigned, already?"

Thornton nodded his head. "Yes, to the _U.S.S Voyager._" The Admiral looked at the ground for a moment, before glancing up at Luke and Brenna. "I wish I didn't have to break this news to you on what is to be the most joyous day of your life, the birth of your first child, but I'm afraid the news I bring is not good news. The _Voyager _has not made contact with Headquarters in three weeks, a Cardassian patrol outside of the Badlands reports seeing it hit by a large plasma storm and destroyed. We fear that all hands have been lost. I'm sorry...Luke...your sister is counted among the missing."

In that instant the most joyous day of his life quickly turned to the worst, the day that Starfleet took away the last of his family. Later, on the name card of his newborn daughter, the nurse finally wrote a name, _Sarah Faith Barrett._

* * *

Phoebe Janeway awoke to the sound of her vidphone beeping. Grumbling she pushed the quilt off of her body, crawled over her fiancée, David McPherson and went to answer it. It was so damn early in the morning, who the hell was calling her this early on a Sunday morning, after she had spent the night out celebrating David's latest novel. She wasn't surprised that it was her mother. But there was something about the way Gretchen Janeway was looking at her that made Phoebe sober up and quickly. "Mom," she gasped, "what's wrong?"

Tears pooled in Gretchen's eyes. "It's your sister," she said, choking on the words. "_Voyager_ hasn't reported into Starfleet for three weeks."

Kathryn would never go that long without communicating with Starfleet. The ramification of that bit of news started to settle in. Phoebe knew very little about her sister's latest mission, just that it was taking her away from Earth and her children longer than usual since Bryan Dawson's death. But she did know that Kathryn had been assigned to track down a Maquis cell, one that her friend and security officer had infiltrated. Phoebe had been angry that her sister would take such a dangerous mission when she had two small children to think about. Ava was only a year old and had already lost her father, but Kathryn couldn't see beyond the bow of her ship sometimes, Phoebe thought wildly. "What does Starfleet Command think? Is it the Maquis?"

"No," Gretchen said. "The Maquis that Kathryn was sent to find disappeared as well."

"It could have been another cell," Phoebe snapped. "I told her not to go! I told her it was too dangerous!"

"Phoebe, there's more."

The tone of voice her mother was using caused Phoebe to fall back into the chair she was sitting on. More? What more could there possibly be? She had already been informed that her sister and her ship was missing, somewhere in the Badlands, chasing after terrorists. What more could her mother have to tell her? "Oh god, Mom, what's going on?"

The tears were now spilling down her cheeks. "I tried to reason with your sister, she wouldn't listen. I knew that I should have called Gabriel, she might have listened to him, but not me, she always took what I said with a grain of salt."

"Mom, where are the kids?" Phoebe asked, suddenly realizing that her mother's house was too quiet for a woman who was taking care of children.

"Kathryn took them with her."

This news slammed into Phoebe head on. Her heart began to race. How could Kathryn take Ava and Michael with her on such a dangerous mission, was she out of her mind? But, she realized, her sister hadn't been thinking straight from the moment she found out Bryan was dead. From there she had just taken everything one tiny step at a time. She clung to Ava like she was a life preserver and Michael was always kept at a distance, a painful reminder of the life she had lost with her husband. But Phoebe had thought that she had better sense than to bring her children along on a mission that was risky. "Starfleet…they…they let her do that?"

"Admiral Patterson approved of it," Gretchen replied, now sobbing.

Phoebe stood up. "Stay there Mom, I'm coming over."

It would only take her a few moments to get showered and ready. Her mother was emotionally breaking down and needed her. _So much for a nice brunch with David. _ But Phoebe knew that her mother was never going to handle this on her own. Not when she had just lost her daughter and grandchildren in one communication. Phoebe choked a sob as she left a message PADD for David that she would be at her mother's. The time for Phoebe Janeway, the baby sister of Kathryn Janeway, lost somewhere in space, to mourn would be later. Much later.

* * *


	11. Chapter 11: Parallax

_Disclaimer: The characters, technology, ships, etc, belong to Paramount. The characters of Sarah Barrett, Michael and Ava Janeway belong to me._

A/N: I added the sickbay scene between Carey, Tuvok, Chakotay and the Doctor. Please review and let me know if you like the additions :).

* * *

**_Paralax_**

_One week after Voyager is taken from the Alpha Quadrant..._

It wasn't even eight in the morning yet and Lieutenant Joe Carey already found himself with a bloody nose in sickbay. It wasn't exactly the way he had pictured his day starting. Already their new first officer was glaring at him hotly. "She's out of her mind!" Carey shouted attempting to sit up. The holographic doctor shoved him back down onto the biobed which caused the man to scream in pain.

Tuvok looked at the man with the same calm and emotionless demeanor that he held with everybody. "You will explain what happened, Mister Carey," Tuvok ordered as the doors to sickbay opened and Sarah Barrett made her way across the cabin towards the group.

Carey did not look pleased to see her there. "What I get hit in the nose and I'm the one who needs the shrink?"

"Lieutenant Barrett is here by my request," Chakotay said. "Maybe with her help we can figure out a way for you all to get along down there."

"Your nose is broken in three places," the Doctor informed the fuming Carey. "Try not to move while I fix it." He walked away but immediately Carey was sitting up again.

Sarah stepped closer to the biobed. "Why did she hit you Lietuenant?"

He sighed, angrily. "We were having a disagreement about the power grid. She wanted to realign the lateral plasma conduit. I told her that would cause an overload," He answered her, wiping the blood a way from his nose with a cloth. "As usual she wouldn't listen. So I told her to step aside and let me handle it. She pushed me a way from the console…and I pushed her back," he became defensive when he saw the accusing look in Barrett's blue eyes. "The next thing I knew I was on the deck with blood pouring down my face!"

_She should have hit you harder_, Barrett thought.

"Then what happened?" she heard Chakotay ask.

He scoffed. "She said sorry, maybe you should go to sickbay."

The Doctor had returned with his tools to fix the broken nose and forced Carey to lay back down again. "At least she gave you some good advice." Barrett rolled her eyes to the notice of no one while Carey gasped out in pain at being forced back down onto the bed. "Now," the Doctor ordered, "hold still."

Chakotay made eye contact with Tuvok and turned to go. "Don't worry," he assured the Vulcan. "I'll handle this."

Barrett glanced behind her to see the other two men leaving. As she sprinted after them she heard Carey scream, "You keep that woman out my engines and everything will be fine!"

She wasn't so sure she felt comfortable with Chakotay _handling this. _"Commander," she called, forcing Chakotay and Tuvok to halt their progress. "What did you mean when you said you would handle this?" she asked him, folding her arms across her chest. "B'Elanna has commited a serious offense in Starfleet protocol. Are you up to date on the proper punishment for this?"

Chakotay glared at her. He knew she was only trying to help but her getting involved everything was beginning to wear on his nerves. "She isn't Starfleet, she's Maquis."

"When you agreed to join forces with us, I was under the impression that you were joining us as a Starfleet crew," she mocked him. "Torres should be thrown in the brig for the remainder of the trip for hitting a fellow officer, a senior officer at that."

"Carey is not Chief Engineer," Chakotay pointed out to her.

"He is the most qualified person down there right now to act as a senior officer," she snapped back.

"Counselor Barrett is correct sir," Tuvok intervened. "Miss Torres would be court martial for this offense if we were in Federation space."

Chakotay felt his temper rising. "But we're not in Federation space, and even if we were, my people wouldn't be on this ship."

"You have to stop thinking of them as your people, Commander," Barrett retorted, hotly. "Or the Starfleet members of this crew are going to think you're playing favorites." She put her hands on her hips. "Why did you call me down here anyways if you weren't going to listen to me?"

"To tell you the truth Counselor, I'm sick of listening to you," Chakotay snapped. "Now if the two of you don't mind, I will handle B'Elanna." He turned to go, but Barrett stopped him.

"And the Captain?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'll tell her when I'm ready," Chakotay said, disappearing into a turbo lift.

Barrett glanced at Tuvok. "This isn't the first complaint that I've received about Torres," she said thoughtfully. "Captain Janeway should know about it."

"Indeed, as chief of security I will be the one to inform her," Tuvok said. "In the meantime, I would like you to pay another visit to Ms. Torres."

The young counselor nodded her head. "Yes sir, I don't know how much good it's going to do though."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow for a moment before responding, "One can only hope for the best."

* * *

Kathryn Janeway hurried along the corridor to get to the turbo lift. She was already late reporting to the bridge that morning, thanks to Michael somehow rewiring her door and locking the family in their quarters until Kathryn had been able to fix it, by that time she was more than twenty minutes behind schedule. Ava had then pushed her back another five minutes more because the child refused to get her shoes on.

After an extensive battle with her one year old, Kathryn had just been ready to step out the door when Michael threw a tantrum that the toy he wanted to bring to the ready room with him that morning was missing. She had torn the quarters apart looking for the toy, only to realize ten minutes later that it had been left behind in their apartment in San Francisco. Now that she was almost an hour late, she didn't have the time to completely calm Michael down before she grabbed the bag of things she had packed the night before, and dragged the child out of the quarters, sobbing along the way about some toy that he had perhaps only played with once and Kathryn had thought he had cared less about.

The crew walking the corridors did all they could to move out of her way so she could walk past them. She must have been a sight, carrying a one year old, and a bag slung over her shoulder, dragging a crying five year old behind her. Not the text book picture of a Starfleet captain, that was for sure. However, she was so flustered at that moment, she didn't really care what she looked like and what the crew thought of her.

"That was my favorite toy, Mama," Michael sobbed as they stepped into the turbo lift. "How could you forget it?"

_Of course this is my fault, _Kathryn thought, biting hard down onto her lip so she wouldn't lose it. "Deck one," she said, not bothering to answer him. She had learned a long time ago that it was better to ignore his tantrums then to indulge him. The lift started moving rapidly to her relief. As the lift came to a stop and the doors swished open, she heard something fall to the floor with a thump. Glancing down she saw her combadge skip out of the lift and into the corridor. Ava was giggling wildly.

Closing her eyes and saying a silent prayer, she stepped out of the lift and towards the spot where Ava had tossed her combadge. Leaning down proved to be difficult but she wasn't going to let a bag and a baby stop her. However, Michael was going to prove to be harder, since he wouldn't release her hand so she could pick the combadge up. She pulled on it several times before turning to look at him, sternly. "Let go of Mama's hand so I can pick up my combadge, Michael."

The little boy shook his head. "I don't wanna."

Kathryn ran her tongue over her lips and decided it was pointless to fight with him in this state. Managing to balance Ava onto her thigh, she wiggled her other hand free and scooped the combadge up. With a feeling of triumph, Kathryn proceeded into her ready room, dropped the bag onto the floor by her desk, plopped Ava down into her desk chair, and used her hand to pry Michael's grasp off her other. The boy wasn't too happy about that and started to cry even louder than before, standing in the middle of the ready room, stomping his feet.

"That will get you nowhere," Kathryn told him, moving towards her replicator. "Coffee black," she ordered, and a metallic cup materialized before her eyes, steaming hot. She took the mug and was about to savor it's bitter taste when she turned around to see Ava crawl up onto her desk, and push her personal computer off of it onto the floor. The computer broke apart.

"Uh-oh," Ava cooed, looking at the broken computer with innocent blue eyes.

The broken computer was the last straw. Kathryn scooped Ava up off the desk, went to place her down on the upper level and turned to Michael, who was sniffling in the middle of the lower level, the broken computer had taken his attention away from the toy that he missed and ceased his sobs. "Do you two think you can play over here quietly while I try to get some work done?" the mother snapped at the two children. "I'm already behind as it is because I spent the whole morning looking for your toy Michael!"

Michael rubbed his nose on his sleeve. "I'm sorry, Mama."

"Now, the bag is over there, it has things to keep you occupied," Kathryn said, gesturing towards the shoulder bag she had left near her desk. "I suggest that you go through it and find something to do while I work."

"Okay."

With a frustrated sigh Kathryn fell into her chair and reached for the stack of PADDs on her desk, not even bothering to pick up the broken computer, it was after all useless to her now.

She heard Michael shuffling about in the bag and satisfied that he was finding something to keep himself busy, she settled into reading the first report in the stack. It was one problem after another it seemed, simple things that could have been dealt with if they had access to a starbase, however, things were not the case in their situation and they were scrambling to find answers. The hardest being the power supply. It had slowly started to decay the other day and if this report was any indication then replicators were going to go off line at some point and who knew how long they could all survive on emergency rations.

The personnel situation wasn't looking too good either. They had lost their chief engineer and chief medical officer, along with the first officer and chief helmsman when they had been flung into the Delta Quadrant by the Caretaker. Even though she had found replacements for first officer and conn, she wasn't sure if she was going to be lucky enough to find as qualified a candidate as Chakotay or Tom Paris. The Maquis just didn't have the discipline and some of the Starfleet officers didn't have the experience.

Not to mention she had her own _personal _needs. The children needed a childcare provider while she was on duty, them staying in the ready room was already proving to not be working out. She also had to take into consideration that Michael needed schooling, he was after all five years old and would be going into kindergarten, if they were back on Earth, in the fall. But who on this ship really had the time to devote entirely to baby-sitting and teaching her kids? And who would be willing? It wasn't as if their duties entailed baby-sitting their commanding officer's children.

Finished with the first PADD, Kathryn placed it in a separate pile and began on the second one. The door chimed and she placed the PADD back into the stack, calling out, "Come in."

Tuvok strode into the room with the same stoic look upon his face. "Captain, may I have a moment of your time?"

"Certainly Tuvok, what can I do for you?"

"There was an incident down in Engineering this morning," Tuvok reported, not that it was going to be surprising to Kathryn. Engineering had been a disaster since they had started on their journey home, especially since there was not a senior officer down there. "Miss Torres struck Lieutenant Carey, breaking his nose in three places. Commander Chakotay has asked to deal with it, despite what I think. However, I will be making a full note of it in my security log. I also thought it important for you to know."

Kathryn pressed her knuckles to her mouth for a moment, letting the news set in. "Is Counselor Barrett aware of this new development?"

"Commander Chakotay asked that she not be involved in this," Tuvok stated.

The Captain shook her head. "At this point, I really don't care what Commander Chakotay thinks. I understand his wanting to look out for his people, however, Counselor Barrett is the best person to deal with this matter. Have her report to B'Elanna's quarters. I want her to sit down and talk to her."

"Understood Captain," Tuvok said, before leaving the ready room.

The shattering of glass caused Kathryn's head to spin about and look at the upper level of her ready room. Ava was standing on the sofa, looking down on the floor at what had been a vase of flowers. Now it lay in fragments on the floor. _Maybe when Sarah's done with B'Elanna, _Kathryn thought, _she can stop my daughter's sudden fascination with breaking things._

* * *

Sarah Barrett pressed the door chime outside of B'Elanna Torres' quarters and waited to be admitted. After several seconds of standing there, nothing happened, so she pressed the button again. And again she was let in. "Computer confirm that B'Elanna Torres is in her quarters."

"_That is affirmative._"

Sarah frowned, _Chakotay must have given her the heads up that I was coming eventually. _Typing in her security access code, the doors slid open and she was facing a very seething looking B'Elanna.

"I didn't want you coming in," the Klingon hissed at her. "I guess you can't take a hint."

"Sorry, Captain's orders," Sarah replied, stepping into the room. "Apparently we're supposed to have a little chat about what happened down in Engineering this morning. I've already been to speak with Lieutenant Carey and several others who were in Engineering when the…incident occurred. The only side of the story I haven't heard is yours."

B'Elanna blinked for a moment, staring at the young woman. Chakotay had not wanted to hear her side of the story, lashing out at her that he had made it one lousy day for him. _Like it hasn't been lousy for me, _she lamented. She didn't mean to lose her temper; she had told Harry Kim that much when they had been on Ocampa, but it happened, and usually she felt remorse later for it happening. However, she couldn't say she felt sorry for Joe Carey. He had been pushing her buttons since the moment she joined the Engineering staff. "My side of the story? Is that a captain's order as well?"

"Not exactly, but if I'm to work out the problems, then I need to know both sides of the story," Sarah responded to her, crossing her arms over her chest. "You can either make this easier for me and for your self, or you can make it difficult by giving me attitude. It's your choice in the end, but I strongly recommend you cooperate."

"What's there to tell, I hit him because he's an idiot," B'Elanna snapped.

"That sounds like a perfectly good reason to hit someone," Sarah snapped back just as sarcastically. "Let me be blunt Miss Torres, we've been down this road several times already and our journey home isn't even a week old yet. Quite frankly I'm getting sick of this trip. It seems that no matter what I say to you, you don't listen to me."

B'Elanna scoffed. "I don't have to listen to some Starfleet brat tell me how to control my temper."

"You're right, you don't have too, but on the flip side, you _shouldn't _have too," Sarah replied.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you should have a hold on your temper at this stage in the game," the Counselor shot back. "Hitting a fellow officer is not going to get you brownie points with the Captain."

B'Elanna didn't dare to tell her that she could care less what Captain Janeway thought of her. "So what do you plan on doing with me, _Counselor_? I hear the Vulcan wants to court martial me."

"I don't want to court martial you, although, if we were home now, this wouldn't even be an issue," Sarah replied. "However if you want to get back to work, I strongly suggest that you try to make amends with Lieutenant Carey. It's a long trip to be holding a grudge against someone and it's also a long trip to be cooped up in here, don't you think?"

Chakotay had told her the same thing, but hearing it coming out of the mouth of the counselor, it suddenly hit B'Elanna that these people weren't kidding her when they said they were going to seriously considering either confining to her quarters or to the brig. Perhaps it was time to start listening to them, because being stuck with Joe Carey breathing down her neck when she knew she was the better engineer, was far better than spending seventy-five years in a cell. "Chakotay wants me to do the same thing, but I don't think either you understand what an incredibly pompous…man Carey can be. It's not going to be easy."

Sarah turned about to leave, glancing over her shoulder, "No, but it's the hard things that we have to go through that make us better people." As she stepped out into the corridor she fully faced B'Elanna, "Maybe Lieutenant Carey will see you in a different light if you swallow your pride and call a truce."

"A truce? Between Starfleet and Maquis?"

A small laced Sarah's face. "Stranger things have happened before."

B'Elanna stared at the door long after Sarah let them room, then setting her jaw she stepped out of her quarters and proceeded to Engineering, perhaps the counselor was right, and apologizing was the right course of action to take, it was, at least worth the shot, even if in the end it didn't have the results that many were hoping, at least she would have the satisfaction of knowing she had at least tried.

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: Nothing new just combined two chapters to make it longer.

* * *

_Captain's Log, Stardate 48439.7_

_As we maintain a course back to the Alpha Quadrant, we're conducting what would be routine maintenance to the ship; routine that is if we had access to a starbase_

* * *

"Engine efficiency is down another fourteen percent," Tom Paris reported later that afternoon at the senior officer's briefing, or the ones that had been hastily thrown together. They were still without a chief engineer and a chief medical officer. Tom moved slightly back to his seat, looking over his data on his PADD. Sitting down next to Sarah Barrett he remarked, "If we don't get more power to the warp drive, we're all going to have to get out and push."

"What about alternative energy sources?" Janeway asked. She looked at Harry, remembering the report he had issued to her last night, that had been sitting in her stack on her desk that morning, about his idea. She had unfortunately not been able to read through it thanks to Ava making a mess of her ready room. The broken vase had taken nearly an hour to clean up because she had to crawl along the floor to find all the tiny pieces. "Ensign," she said pushing memories of the regretful morning from her mind, "have you had any luck getting power from the holodeck reactors?"

He shook his head. "Not yet. We tried hooking them to the power grid and we ended up blowing out half the relays. The holodeck's energy matrix just isn't compatible with the other power systems."

"Captain," Chakotay said, getting her attention. "If we relocate all security personnel to deck seven we can shut down power on deck nine and reroute it to propulsion."

Tuvok looked intrigued. "That would be inconvenient, but acceptable."

"Fine," Janeway said, picking up a PADD. "Let's move onto the personnel situation."

She was about to say more when Neelix and Kes burst into the room, Neelix apologizing that they were late. Janeway and the rest of the senior officers seemed surprised to see them there. "Mister Neelix, this is a briefing for the senior officers," Janeway told them.

"Well I am the senior Talaxian on board and Kes is the senior Ocampa," He replied. "And I do know more about this region of space than any other member of the crew."

For a moment Janeway met Barrett's eyes. The young woman raised her eyebrows in response as if to say that Neelix was right.

"We have some excellent suggestions, Captain," Kes added, noticing the looks passing between Janeway and Barrett.

Janeway nodded. "Very well; you're welcome to join us, this time."

Tom got up and offered Kes his chair and went to stand with Neelix.

As Kes got settled, Janeway voiced, "To be honest, we could use some excellent suggestions right about now." She placed the PADD with the personnel needs onto the table.

"I've been thinking," Kes told her. "That you could convert one of your lower decks into a hydroponics bay; you'd be able to grow your own food. I understand that the replicators went down earlier today and that the emergency rations won't hold out much longer."

Janeway had to admit it sounded like an excellent idea, and since she was sick of peanut butter and jelly, the only thing she had left besides the emergency rations, she decided it was worth a shot.

"What about cargo bay two," Harry suggested, tacking onto what Kes was saying. "It was designed for organic storage, and it already has adjustable environmental controls."

Janeway was sold on the idea now, smiling at Kes, she said, "When can you start?"

"Me?"

"It's your idea, your project," Janeway told her.

Kes felt a smile form on her face, pleased that she had been able to offer some help to these people. "Right away," she told Janeway. Neelix went to babble on the things he could to with vegetables and how something called Feragoit goulash was known across twelve star systems. Janeway had learned to take everything that Neelix said with a little grain of salt however.

Smiling she went back to the PADD she had placed on the table earlier. "Okay, onto the personnel problem." She scrolled down the list on her PADD. "We've managed to find a replacement for the transporter room chief, but we still need an astrogation plotter, chief engineer, medical support staff…" she paused and let out a small, frustrated sigh. Being stranded out here was beginning to sink in fully with her and she realized that she had a lot of work ahead.

Chakotay was handing her a PADD, informing her that he had given her a list of Maquis that he thought would make good officers. Janeway scrolled down the list, each name registering in her mind, but no face, that is until she came across B'Elanna Torres name. Barrett had mentioned to her the other day that Torres was "volatile" and just recently she had struck Lieutenant Carey, breaking his nose. "B'Elanna Torres, wasn't she the one who was involved in that incident with Mister Carey?" she asked Chakotay.

"That's right," he said, looking accusingly at Sarah.

"Just what job do you think she's suited for?" Janeway asked.

"Chief Engineer," he replied.

Janeway studied him for a moment. "You're serious?"

"Very."

Deciding that this issue was not going to be solved at the present time she placed the PADD he handed her down onto the table. "Regarding sickbay, we still need a chief medical officer."

"What about that electronic man?" Neelix questioned.

"It is an emergency medical hologram and its abilities are limited," Tuvok answered him. "It can only operate in the confines of sickbay."

"Not to mention its lousy bedside manner," Tom quipped to which Neelix nodded his head in agreement.

"Well couldn't you work with…him, Counselor," Neelix said, looking at Sarah.

Barrett gave him a bemused look. "It's a hologram, Mister Neelix, not a person. I can't put him through therapy to improve his compassion. He is what he is." She looked at Janeway then, "Although, maybe we should look into his programming to see if we can improve on it just a bit. I heard that Ava was terrified of him the other day."

Terrified wasn't the word that Janeway would have used, recalling how she had taken the baby down to sickbay to have the Doctor check up on the double ear infection. While the infection was all but gone, his cold tone and mechanical like way of dealing with people had caused Ava to go into hysterics.

"That still doesn't help us when the power runs out," Kim was pointing out, bringing Janeway's attention about to the meeting at hand.

"What if someone trained alongside the Doctor, as a field medic?" Chakotay offered.

"Good idea," Janeway said, with maybe a bit too much enthusiasm in her voice to make him feel better for her lack of trust in B'Elanna. Stealing a glance at Tom, she said, "Lieutenant I understand that you studied biochemistry at the Academy."

Tom looked worried. "Only two semesters," he told her.

"Close enough, you just volunteered to be field medic," Janeway told him, amused by the look on his face. "Report to sickbay as soon as we're finished here."

"But Captain," Tom started to protest as the ship shook violently. Somehow the senior staff managed to get to their feet and make their way out onto the bridge towards their stations.

Janeway gripped tightly to the railing at conn, screaming, "Report!"

Seska was manning the engineering console. "We're running into some kind of spatial distortions."

"Mister Tuvok!"

"The distortions are emanating from a highly localized disturbance in the space time continuum. Distance, twenty thousand kilometers off the port bow!"

"All stop!"

As soon as the ship came to a stop, the jolting stopped. Janeway let out a small sigh of relief and moved away from tactical which she had scrambled too when she asked Tuvok for his report. "On screen," she ordered and an image appeared on the view screen. Looking at the mass of blue and purple before she glanced at her personal screen, going over the readings it was giving. She had never personally seen this type of anomaly before, but she was pretty sure she knew what was out there. "If I'm not mistaken, we're looking at a type four quantum singularity."

"Captain," Tuvok said, "I'm receiving an audio transmission from inside the singularity."

"On speakers," Janeway ordered and the cabin was filled with a garbled message.

"I think I found the source of the transmission," Kim announced from ops. The image on the view screen magnified and the distorted image of a ship could be made out.

Janeway turned slightly in her chair and looked over her shoulder at Neelix and Kes who were standing at the rail behind her. "Does it look like any ship you're familiar with?"

Neelix squinted his eyes trying to make it out. "No, nothing I recognize. But then again, it's so hard to make out."

The Captain stood and moved towards conn. "They maybe trapped in the event horizon. Open a channel," she ordered Tuvok. When he signaled to her that it was open she began to speak again. "This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Starship _Voyager_ to the vessel near the quantum singularity. Do you need help?" While she waited for a response she heard Neelix telling Kes that a singularity was a star that had collapsed in on itself, and that the event horizon was a very powerful engery field surrounding it. She wasn't surprised that he next went into some story that he had encountered one before. She didn't hear the rest of the story though, because Tuvok was speaking to her.

"No response to our hail Captain."

"Can we tractor the vessel out?"

"No, the subspace interference is too heavy," Harry replied as Neelix made his way down the steps into the command station.

"Captain," the Talaxian said. "We're less than three light years from Ilidaria. They have sophisticated technology, they might be able to help, and they're quite friendly… most of the time."

Janeway shook her head at his suggestion. "No. It looks like its being pulled into the singularity. We have to get it out of the event horizon." She was startled to hear Chakotay contact Torres down in engineering, peering around Neelix at her new first officer she wondered if he realized just what he was doing.

"_I was thinking we could remodulate a tractor beam to match the subspace interference, it might be enough to cut through the event horizon," _Torres' voice interrupted her thoughts.

"A subspace tractor beam?"

"_Exactly._"

"When can you have it ready?" Chakotay asked her, growing more aware that Janeway was not happy with him.

"_Two maybe three hours._"

"Get right on it, use whatever people you need," Chakotay told her.

Janeway pressed her lips together briefly before speaking, "Mister Carey what do you think?" The tension that passed between the two was not lost on the people nearest them, being Neelix who was sandwiched in between, and Sarah who was standing to the right of Janeway.

"_With the right field modulation it might work. But we'll need more power to the emitter array,_" Carey's voice said over the comline.

"Very well," Janeway replied, glancing up at the ceiling momentarily. "You're in charge Mister Carey, report to me when the tractor beam is ready."

"_Aye, Captain._"

Janeway told Tom to hold their position and with one look at Neelix, which told the Talaxian to step aside, she moved towards Chakotay and dropped her voice into a tone that she often found herself using when she was frustrated with Michael. "I'd like to see you in private."

As she stepped off of the bridge into her ready room, Chakotay following behind her it became apparent to everyone that the tensions between Starfleet and Maquis were not solely restricted to Engineering.

* * *

"Michael take your sister and go sit out on the bridge for a moment," Kathryn ordered the children in perhaps too hostile of a voice, but she was not in the best of moods. She went to stand on the upper level of her ready room and waited for the children to leave.

"Mama, why did the ship move like that?" Michael asked her instead of moving. "It ruined the block house I was building."

Kathryn crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes. She was not in the mood to argue with him, not when she had a bone to pick with her first officer. Michael knew that look all too well and the little boy eagerly took Ava by the hand, and proceeded down the steps of the upper level of the ready room, past Chakotay who was standing by the desk, and out onto the bridge.

When the door hissed shut behind the children, Kathryn glared at her new first officer. "We have a problem and I think it's time that we discuss this."

"Captain I appreciate your concerns about Torres, but I promise you--," Chakotay started to say, but she interrupted him.

"You don't understand Commander," Kathryn said, "This isn't about Torres, my problem is with you."

"Me?"

"Let me be blunt," Kathryn said, losing her patience. "What you tried to do just now was out of line."

"In what way?" he asked.

"When you decided to call Torres in Engineering," Kathryn snapped.

"I've worked with her. I know what she's capable of," Chakotay responded, feeling himself losing his own cool. "We needed an answer right away and I knew she could give us one."

"Carey is the senior officer in Engineering," Kathryn retorted.

"If you look at it that way, none of my people will ever have seniority," Chakotay argued.

Kathryn moved off the upper level of her ready room towards him. "That's the problem right there. They're not your people. You're treating the Maquis on this ship as if they're still _your _crew."

"I'm doing everything that I can to integrate them into your crew, but frankly, you're not making it easy for me, Captain."

"I can't make it easy Commander. Surely you can understand that. They don't have the discipline, they don't have the training."

"But some of them have the ability, like B'Elanna Torres!" he responded.

Kathryn moved away from him, towards her desk, but didn't sit down. "The Starfleet officers on this ship have worked all their lives to earn their commissions. How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as a superior officer just because circumstances have forced us together?"

"You're asking them to accept me," he told her.

"You're qualified. You're a graduate of the Academy and you have command experience," she argued.

"Permission to speak freely."

"Go ahead."

His eyes became dark. "I have no intention of being your token Maquis officer."

She was taken aback by the darkness of his eyes and his words. "Show me another Maquis candidate and I'll consider him."

"B'Elanna Torres."

"Who cannot control herself and could not make it through the Academy."

"She's the best engineer I've ever known!" he yelled, turning about to leave. "She could teach at the Academy!" He stopped before he got to the door and turned about to look at Kathryn. "You're right Captain, I do consider these my people because nobody on this ship will look out for them like I will. And I'm telling you, you're going to have to give them more authority if you want their loyalty."

"Theirs…or yours, Commander?"

"I'm trying to help you," he answered her. "I'm sorry that you don't see that. I strongly recommend that you get to know Torres before you chose a new Chief Engineer. Permission to leave."

"Dismissed," she whispered, watching as he stormed out of her ready room and back onto the bridge. Raising her eyes to the ceiling she studied it intensely for a few moments, what she wouldn't give to be able to go back in time and stop this all from happening. Trying to explain to High Command why they had suddenly disappeared for several days with no communication with Starfleet was looking a lot more pleasant then what she was facing right now; a seventy five year journey with two crews that just could not get a long.

_Stop with the self-pity, Kathryn, _she chided herself. Circumstances were what they were, and she was going to have to make the best of it. With a defeated sigh, she sat herself down behind her desk and called up B'Elanna Torres personnel file, perhaps she should take Chakotay's advice after all and get to know the woman better.

* * *

"Computer, activate the emergency medical holographic program," Kes commanded as she stepped into sickbay.

The hologram appeared before her, stating, "Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

"Actually, there is no emergency," Kes replied. "I'm creating a hydroponics bay; I was told you could provide me with some nitrogenated soil samples."

The Doctor didn't look too pleased. "That's it?" Her apologetic look told him the answer that he sought. "And so it begins. The trivial of medicine is my domain now; every runny nose, stubbed toe, pimple on a cheek becomes my responsibility."

"You are the only doctor we have," Kes pointed out to him while he prepared her samples.

"I'm not just a doctor!" He exclaimed, turning to look at her. "I've been designed with information from two thousand medical reference sources and the experience of forty seven individual medical officers! I am the embodiment of modern medicine." After the egotistical rant the hologram turned back to the shelf. "How much _dirt_ do you need?"

"Four samples will be enough," Kes answered.

The Doctor sighed, frustrated and collected the samples for her. "Now I know how Hippocrates felt when the King needed him to trim a hangnail." He placed the three samples he had managed to carry from the shelf into a portable storage unit.

"You're very sensitive aren't you?"

"As a medical practitioner I require a certain sensitivity to properly address a patient."

"I'm talking about you as a person," Kes replied, gently.

The Doctor turned around, standing by the shelf once more, looking at Kes. "I am merely a hologram."

Kes was looking at him, studying his appearance intently. "Doctor, has your program altered your appearance since I came to sickbay?"

"No. Why?"

She moved towards him and joined him at the self. "When I first came in your head was at the same height as this cabinet. But now you look at least ten centimeters shorter."

He looked at her, concerned, and then went to sit at the desk, typing in a few keys on his console. "I've just run a diagnostic on my image processor. It shows that I've been reduced in height by ten point four centimeters." He tapped his combadge. "Sickbay to operations."

"_This is Kim._"

"The holographic projector in here is malfunctioning," the Doctor told him. "Can you send a repair crew down right away."

"_We're a little busy right now, we'll get to it as soon as we can._"

"It's just that--,"

"_Kim out."_

Dejected at being cut off, the hologram looked down at the desk before glancing up at Kes. "Well, it seems like a very busy day in operations."

"I'm sorry I bothered you," Kes said, turning to go, gathering up her samples.

"No trouble at all, just turn off the program before you leave."

Before she left though, she looked back at him one last time. "What's your name?"

"What purpose would a name serve a hologram?"

"I just wanted to know what to call you besides Doctor," she replied.

"I guess they never thought I'd be around long enough to need one," the Doctor said. "What's your name?"

"Kes."

The hologram smiled. "Well, Kes, I'm glad that I could help you today."

With a warm smile, she said, "Computer end program." As the hologram disappeared, she took the samples and proceeded to cargo bay two where she was going to begin her project of creating a hydroponics bay to help a crew that had helped her so much in the past several days.

* * *

With a troubled expression, Sarah Barrett stepped out of the turbolift onto the bridge just as Joe Carey's voice came over the comlink that they were ready to proceed with the tractor beam. Janeway was making her way across the back of the bridge towards tactical and where Sarah was standing. She had a hard, determined look on her face, and Sarah could see that she was tense. The information that the young woman was going to give her was not going to make present matters any better, either.

"Captain, can I speak to you for a moment?" the young counselor asked her, stepping into her path. Janeway shook her head and went to move around Sarah, but the counselor stepped in her way again. "Ma'am, it's very important."

Gently Janeway placed her arms onto Sarah's shoulders and moved her out of the way. "I'm sorry, Counselor, it's going to have to wait. We're about to attempt using the subspace tractor beam to free that trapped ship. I promise once this is all over I'll speak to you." Moving past Sarah, she pointed at Tuvok, "Mister Tuvok, lock onto that ship."

"Engaging tractor beam." A blue energy beam shot forth form the front of _Voyager_ and locked onto the ship in the middle of the singularity. "It's working," Tuvok reported. "The beam is penetrating the event horizon."

Kathryn felt very little relief at this news, but when she heard Harry Kim contact engineering to check their power levels because he was reading massive fluctuations, she lost what little feeling of relief that she had possessed. Suddenly the ship lurched and she was thrown against the railing lining the back of the bridge. Immediately her leg began to throb in the area that had smacked against the rail, sending a wave of pain coursing through her veins.

"We're being pulled towards the singularity!" Tom Paris reported, anxiously, as he was thrown across his console.

"What's going on?" Chakotay asked Kim.

"Power to the tractor beam is down eighty percent. The gravimetric force of the singularity is pulling us in!"

Kathryn wasn't sure how she did it, with the ship shaking violently, and her leg throbbing in intense pain, but she managed to stumble to conn, clutching at the railing. "Impulse engines full reverse! Disengage the tractor beam!"

"_I can't shut it down!_" B'Elanna Torres said over the comlink. "_The relays are locked!"_

"I'm picking up hull stress all over the ship. If we keep the engines at full reverse it will pull the ship apart," Harry said.

"Cut the engines."

"We're moving forward again!"

"Engineering, get that tractor beam off line!"

Joe Carey's voice could be heard next over the comline. "_Captain I can shut it down, but I'll have to get in there and physically cut the main power feed._"

Kathryn didn't care how he did, not at this point. "Do it," she ordered him. The ship continued to shake for several seconds while they all held their breaths. Finally, after what felt like hours to Kathryn, the motion stopped and Tuvok was reporting that the tractor beam had been disengaged. Closing her eyes she let out a small breath of relief. "Move us to a safe distance, Mister Paris."

"Are we abandoning the rescue attempt?" Chakotay asked her as she joined him in the command station.

"No, but we're going to need help," Kathryn replied, and then ordered Tom to lay in a course for the Illdaria system. Glancing at Chakotay, she said, "Have Mister Neelix report to the bridge, it appears we're going to follow his suggestion after all." The first officer nodded his head and left the bridge. It was then that Kathryn noticed Sarah standing there and recalled that the young woman had something urgent to speak to her about before they had made the rescue attempt. "I suppose now is as good as any a time, Sarah, to talk. What can I do for you?"

"Engineering brought something to my attention, and they weren't exactly sure how to approach you," Sarah replied. "They found an object lodged inside a conduit on deck eleven."

Kathryn gave her a puzzled look even as a toy action figure was produced in Sarah's hand. Instantly the Captain recognized the toy as her son's. Visibly she kept her cool, but inside her head was swarming with emotions. It suddenly dawned on her that the children had never come back into the ready room after she had forced them to leave so she could speak to Chakotay alone. Kathryn had not even noticed that they were missing she had been so preoccupied. She cursed herself for being so careless. Snatching the toy out of her counselor's hand she wrung her fingers around it. "You didn't happen to find the culprit did you?"

Sarah shook her head. "No ma'am. I searched the deck myself, but found nothing."

"Computer, locate Michael and Ava Janeway."

"_Michael and Ava Janeway are in the mess hall."_

_Wonderful, _Kathryn thought. _Who knows what they've gotten into there. We've only got two replicators left; I wouldn't be surprised if they've blown them out. _"Mister Tuvok, you have the bridge," she ordered, storming up the steps and into the turbo lift. The day was seemingly getting worse and worse, if that was entirely possibly. She wasn't sure how much longer her mental being was going to hold up with if there were anymore broken computers, shattered vases, combadges tossed about, and toys lodged into power conduits. She was already in a fragile state as it was.

The doors to the lift opened and she proceeded to the mess hall. Briefly she wondered how many kilometers she had logged roaming the ship looking for the children the past few days. _I need to put a homing beacon on them, _she thought with mild amusement as the doors to the mess hall swished open.

Kathryn had expected to find Michael tinkering around in some conduit. However, the two children were seated at a table with another crewman; Ava snuggled up into the woman's lap, and from where Kathryn was standing, appeared to be sound asleep. The Captain reasoned that it was probably the baby's nap time and she felt miserable about forgetting them for a good two to three hours. Michael was savoring a hot fudge sundae and Kathryn prayed he had used one of her replicator rations to get the ice cream instead of the crewman who had suddenly been deemed baby-sitter.

"Captain!" the young crewman suddenly saw the older woman standing there and jumped to her feet. Ava stirred slightly, but didn't wake up. "I didn't notice you come in!" The crewman was a bajoran female, who had dark hair and eyes, and by Kathryn's estimate couldn't have been out of the Academy that long.

"It's alright, Crewman," Kathryn responded, with a tired tone to her voice. "I was actually looking for these two trouble makers. Sorry to inconvenience you, I should be keeping a better eye on them."

"It wasn't an inconvenience, ma'am," the young woman replied. "I found them roaming around on deck eleven and thought that they'd like to get some ice cream. They looked a little bored, ma'am."

Kathryn felt a smile lace her face. "I guess being cooped up in my ready room everyday isn't exactly the most interesting place for a five year old and a one year old. But you still shouldn't have felt obligated to take care of them. After all, it's not one of your duties to watch the Captain's children."

"Believe me Captain, I'm better suited for this than all those Starfleet algorithms," the young woman said, absentmindedly, and then her eyes gaped when she realized what had just left her mouth. "I mean…I've always enjoyed being around children, ma'am."

"It seems that children like being around you too, crewman, I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't know your name," Kathryn said, wishing that she had taken the time to go over more of the personnel files that had were scattered throughout her quarters so she could get to know her crew better.

"Tal Celes," the girl replied.

Kathryn held her arms out. "Well, thank you again Crewman Celes," she replied, standing there with her arms open. The young woman looked confused and Kathryn didn't know why but she just warmed her heart. "I think I can take it from here."

Realizing that the woman wanted her baby back, Celes snapped to attention and placed the sleeping Ava into her arms. Gesturing for Michael to come with her, Kathryn thanked the young woman again, and as she left, perhaps had found a solution to her childcare woes. But the first thing she had to do was to speak to Michael about wandering off and playing in a power conduit.

Kathryn waited until they were inside the lift the doors had firmly shut, and they were on their way back to deck one before speaking to her son. "There's something we need to talk about. You have to understand, Michael, that this ship, it isn't like our house back in San Francisco, and you can't just roam around it as you please."

"I wasn't roaming around, I knew exactly where I wanted to go," Michael replied with a huff.

"Michael, you could get hurt," Kathryn chided. "Someone in Engineering found one of your toys in a power conduit on deck eleven. Honey, you could have blown the conduit, getting yourself and Ava seriously hurt."

"I just wanted to see how it worked, Ava was the one who got the toy stuck in there," Michael told her. "You don't need to worry."

But that's all she found herself doing, especially now that circumstances had made her life as a mother much more difficult. They faced the prospect of all kind of dangers, threats that could harm herself or her children. What else was she to do but worry about them?

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: Nothing new just combined more chapters.

* * *

A hot bath and a cup of tea was all Sarah Barrett really wanted when she stumbled into her quarters for her break. They had been traveling at warp speed for the past hour or so to get to Illidaria to ask for help in getting the trapped ship out of the event horizon and Sarah had spent just as long brushing up the rest of the crew on first contact protocols. It had taken a little longer than she was hoping, since the Maquis had no first contact policy and she had to start from scratch when it came to them. By now her feet were killing her and she had walked the equivalent of several miles on board the ship going from department to department.

Thankfully Chakotay's idea of routing power from deck seven had provided some power to the replicators in the mess hall so Sarah had been able to replicate a cup of red tea, with lemon, on her way back to her quarters. She sat in the living room, sipping it, while she waited for the bath to finish filling up. Pulling off the tunic of her uniform she decided to change into something more comfortable. She had one hour before she had to get back in uniform and man her office, there were several rookie space travelers that had requested to speak to her and she had somehow managed to cram them in; however she was going to make the most of this time off.

After slipping into a pair of navy blue cotton lounge pants and a spaghetti strap gray tank top she proceeded into the bathroom to check the water. The tub was almost full. Leaning over she turned the water off as the door chime rang out. Grunting, she pulled herself up. _What now? _

"Come in," she called, trying to keep the edge out of her voice. She wasn't surprised when Tom Paris sauntered into the room, carrying a bottle of champagne and what appeared to be a picnic basket. "What do you want, Tom?"

"I thought we'd celebrate."

"Celebrate what?" Sarah asked, bewildered.

"In case you didn't realize, it was one week ago that we were pulled from the Badlands into the Delta Quadrant, and there's no better way to celebrate than a lunch of champagne and emergency rations," Tom pointed out, pulling out two tumblers from the basket and placing them down onto the dining table. He popped the cork and the champagne fizzled a little before he poured each of them a generous portion.

"That's something to celebrate? Being stranded seventy five thousand light years from home?"

Tom laughed. "Come on Sarah, you know me better than that. We're celebrating surviving our first week out here." He handed her a glass of the bubbly alcohol and clanged his glass to hers. "Drink up; we've only got about three thousand eight hundred and ninety-nine more weeks to go."

She watched as he took a sip of the champagne. "You have a twisted sense of humor, you know that?" But, she reasoned, a glass of champagne would certainly help her unwind a little after the horrendous morning and afternoon that she had just had. She figured Tom's probably wasn't much better. Finally she took a sip out of her own glass and immediately felt her senses tingle. This was a clear violation of the terms that Starfleet insisted that she agree upon if she wanted to go back to work; hell it was a clear violation of Starfleet protocol period, no drinking on duty. But if they were discrete, no one would have any idea they had shared a drink together during lunch.

Tom plopped his tired body down onto her sofa and spread his arms out along the back, the glass resting between his fingers. "You know, I've always loved how the bubbles tingle my nose."

Sarah was shocked how he could toss aside all that was going on around them and just focus on the moment. How often had she wished in the past that she had that ability? She stood there in the middle of the room, her feet bare, hair curling over her shoulders, staring at him. Was this for real? Or was the champagne a facade so he could see her because there was a deeper problem at hand?

"What?" he asked, noticing her stare. "Do I have something up my nose?"

She blinked, snapping out of her trance. "Why are you here?"

"I already answered that question; to celebrate surviving our first week," Tom replied, restlessly.

"No, why are you _really _here?"

He let out a dejected breath. "I should have known you'd see right through me."

"The champagne may have been a little too much of a give away," Sarah tried to joke, but noticed that it was coming off all wrong. He frowned at her and she saw the anguish flash through his blue eyes. She didn't even think Tom Paris was capable of such an emotion and it immediately thrust her into counselor mode. "Tom, what's going on? You seem…upset."

Leaning forward, Tom's eyes met hers. "Do you ever feel that we've been set up to fail?"

"You mean Captain Janeway's decision to strand us here?" Sarah drawled, trying to understand where he was coming from. "She did what she thought was right. If we hadn't destroyed the array what would have happened to the Ocampa?"

Tom shrugged his shoulders. "Sometimes, Sarah, I feel like we did what was right, that their needs out weighed ours, however, other times I feel that being back in New Zealand would be better than facing uncharted space. If this was solely a Starfleet crew I wouldn't be worried, however, we're talking about integrating enemies of the Federation into this crew, our chances of survival aren't good. We just as well will kill each other before we work together. Janeway had to have known that when she pulled the trigger, right?"

"To be honest Tom, I'm not sure what she was thinking when she made the decision," Sarah answered, sitting with him on the couch. "It wasn't like we all had time to discuss it." She tucked her feet underneath her legs and drew them closer to her. "I guess, we just have to have a little faith, after all, it seems that Captain Janeway has some faith in all of us." She laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. "We'll get through it Tom, we'll make it home."

A sad smile stretched across his face. "You know something when I hear you say it, and hear Janeway say it, I believe it."

"_Counselor Barrett, report to the Bridge._"

Tom saw Sarah's eyes close and a dark look come over her face. The calm demeanor which she had regarded him in just mere seconds ago was gone, replaced with a worried and stressed look.

"We must be coming up on Illidaria," she murmured. Getting up she downed the rest of her champagne in a chug that impressed Tom, who was known for his chugging during his Academy days, and strode into the bathroom. He heard water draining from the tub and a few moments later she appeared from the room, clad now in her uniform, hair roughly tossed back and boots in her hands.

_So much for the bath,_ Sarah thought as she put her boots on. She tapped her combadge. "Barrett to bridge, I'm on my way."

* * *

"The Captain would like to see you," Lieutenant Commander Tuvok instructed her when she stepped out of the turbolift. Sarah grimly nodded her head and proceeded to the ready room door, tapping the chime.

Janeway admitted her a few seconds later and she stepped into see an obvious flustered captain. "Is everything alright, ma'am?" The room was, putting it bluntly, a disaster. The product of having two children spend the whole day cooped up in there. Several toys littered the upper level, one of Ava's bottles had tipped over onto the coffee table and had leaked out, and Michael had made an elaborate block city that weaved around the entire area. Right now, both children were snuggled up, sleeping on the sofa taking what was probably a much needed nap.

"Oh, everything is just wonderful, Lieutenant," the older woman drawled, answering her question, her blue eyes staring intently at the younger woman. "I've got a trapped ship I cannot help without making first contact with a species we know nothing about, second, my children are running rampant all over this ship, third, I don't know who to put in charge down in Engineering. Do you know I tried to do as Chakotay suggested and get to know B'Elanna? She just stormed out of here, right before you came in. I was hoping that you would have made it here before she left. Tell me, Sarah, what am I doing wrong? I've tried to be accommodating, I've tried being welcoming to the Maquis, nothing is working."

"Captain, I don't think there is much more you can do…for the Maquis that is," Sarah responded quickly. "I've tried to get to know B'Elanna as well, all I meet is aversion. Of course to her, I'm nothing but a _Starfleet brat._"

Janeway had heard that term often enough as well growing up, since her father had been Starfleet. Perhaps that was the problem with many of the Maquis, they believed that she had not earned her way to this position, thus did not have the authority to dictate their lives. So what did that mean, that she get on the comline and tell her life story?

"_Sickbay to Captain Janeway,_" the Doctor's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Yes Doctor?"

"_May I request that you activate your emergency medical holographic channel?_"

Sarah watched as Janeway moved to sit behind her desk and activate her personal computer. _Harry must have fixed it quickly, _she thought with mild amusement, recalling how the Captain had burst forth from the ready room to get a status report that morning with the broken terminal in her hand, placed it in Harry's lap and told him to see if he could fix it. When he asked what had happened to it, her answer had been, _a one year old. _

Janeway was gazing at the newly fixed screen with a funny look and briefly Sarah wondered if Harry _hadn't _fixed it. "Doctor, I'm getting a distorted image. Mister Kim obviously didn't fix my computer thoroughly."

"No captain," the Doctor's voice came over the computer. "You're computer is working properly. This is how I currently appear. I'm…shrinking."

"Shrinking?" Janeway repeated, eyebrows arching in fascination. She propped her chin in her elbow to hide the smile that was no doubt making its way across her face.

The Doctor saw her amusement and scowled, telling how much he was shrinking by. "I've informed Mister Kim; apparently, he has more pressing matters to tend too, for example fixing your computer. However, my…personal problem, is not what I'm calling you about. Several crew members have reported severe headaches, muscles spasms, and sudden waves of dizziness. I've treated them of course."

_Let's just add this to the list of things I have to deal with, _Janeway thought bitterly. "This could be related to the quantum singularity we encountered a few hours ago," she told him, and immediately saw his face cloud over with disgust. _Oh dear, no one informed him. _

"Quantum singularity?" the Doctor repeated, in a harsh tone.

"It was sending out strong spatial distortions it might have affected the crew. And your systems as well," Janeway mused.

"You know Captain, if we were in the vicinity of a quantum singularity, I should have been informed."

She gave him an apologetic smile, realizing that since he was their only doctor at the moment, and seeing how he did not have the freedom to come to bridge, there had to be a way set up for him to get information on what was going on, other than by word of mouth. "You're absolutely right. I'll look at linking your program into the ship's database." Suddenly the ship jolted and Janeway was tossed about in her chair.

Stumbling to her feet both Janeway and Sarah left the ready room, neither of them realizing that the Captain had failed to terminate her link with the Doctor, who was calling after Janeway, "Hello? Captain?"

"Report," Janeway ordered, stepping up into the command station.

"It looks like we're running into more spatial distortions," Chakotay answered her, turning to face her.

"I'm reading a highly localized disturbance off the port bow," Harry Kim said.

"On screen," Janeway said, facing the view screen. An image of another event horizon appeared, very similar to the one they had left behind to go to Illidaria to get help. "Mister Tuvok?"

Tuvok ran his fingers over his console, gathering readings. "It is another type four quantum singularity. The physical and temporal dimensions are identical to the one we encountered earlier."

A beep came from Tom's instruments and the young pilot, who had taken his station after Sarah left her quarters, glanced over his shoulder at Janeway. "Captain, according to these coordinates, we've returned to our previous position. This isn't another singularity, it's the same one."

* * *

B'Elanna Torres didn't know why, but she was nervous sitting in the staff meeting that had been called to discuss why they were going around in circles and ending back at the same singularity. Joe Carey, who had been called to the meeting as well, looked smug and not the least bit fazed. There were rumors running rampant that this meeting was the one where Janeway was going to make her decision about chief engineer. B'Elanna figured she had ruined any chances of getting the position when she had stormed out of Janeway's office not even an hour ago. But she would be lying if she didn't want the job, for some reason she wanted to prove to Janeway that she was not going to fail, even if the woman was trying to set her up just to do that. However, at the same time, she knew that she wasn't officer material.

In fact, she was so lost in thought that she wasn't aware the holographic doctor had been speaking over the view screen in the briefing room until he was done. He glumly reported that he was still shrinking and cut the connection.

Janeway was leaning forward on her elbows. Chakotay was seated to her right, Sarah Barrett to her left, followed by Tuvok, Harry Kim, Joe Carey, herself, and Tom Paris. _What a motley crew_, B'Elanna mused, looking about the table as Janeway began to speak to them.

"I've finished my study of the spatial distortion coming from the singularity," the Captain began. "I can give you a long, boring analysis. All I can say is, I don't know what is going on. The readings are confused, the data contradictory, none of it is making any sense. Anyone have anything more constructive?" she asked the group hopefully.

"Ship wide diagnostics have revealed nothing out of the ordinary," Tuvok reported.

"I tried sending out a tachyon signal to scan the singularity, but all I got back was static," Carey said.

B'Elanna was still lost in thought and only brought out of it when Chakotay asked her if she could work with Carey to clean up the signal. "Yes," she replied, eyes flicking to Janeway. "But it won't work. I mean it was a good idea to try, but it won't work."

"You have another idea?" the Captain asked her.

"I was just thinking about the Doctor's problem with the holographic projectors," B'Elanna responded, leaning forward in her chair and resting her elbows on the table. "It seems like the spatial distortions might be interfering with the projector's phase alignment."

Janeway looked intrigued. "That was my guess too."

"If that's the case," B'Elanna continued, "I might be able to screen out those distortions by setting up a localized dampening field around the projectors."

"Is our priority here really the medical holographic system?" Carey questioned, feeling like he was being out matched.

"My point is," B'Elanna said, " that if the spatial distortions are also interfering with the transmission we received from the other ship --," she didn't get the chance to continue, the Captain finished for her, following her path, stating that they could set up a similar system around their external sensors and communicate with them. "Exactly," the Klingon replied, "And they may know more than we do about what's going on."

"Let's give it a try," Janeway said enthusiastically. "Dismissed."

The group of officers got up from the table, with the exception of Janeway and all filed out of the room back onto the bridge. Chakotay turned around at the door to look at her, asking her a silent question. A small smile spread on her face and she gave him a gentle nod of the head. He returned the soft smile, before following the others out onto the bridge. Janeway leaned back in her chair, let out a calming breath and stood up, slowly making her way after her officers. She found them all hard at work, just like she knew they would be.

"The emitters are online," B'Elanna reported, with Janeway now standing over her shoulder, arms over her chest. "I'm rerouting the dampening field through the deflector grid."

Janeway moved towards operations. "Open a channel to the other ship." Immediately the bridge was filled with a garbled message, just like the one they had heard about hours ago it felt like now. B'Elanna announced that she was ramping up the field intensity.

"It's working," Kim said. "We're cutting through the distortions." The message still sounded garbled however. Janeway ordered him to remodulate the EM band to try to clean it up. "Compensating for amplitude distortion," he told her as he typed away at his console. A few moments later a clear transmission filled the bridge and it shocked them all. It was the Captain's hail from hours before when they had first come across the singularity.

"That's your hail," Chakotay told her, even though she didn't need to be told.

"I'm applying our dampening field to our visual scanners to see if I can clear up the image," B'Elanna said. When she did it, it was another shock to the bridge crew, because the ship they were trying to rescue all along was _Voyager. _All this time they had been trying to save themselves. Suddenly it hit B'Elanna and Janeway as well, they were the ones trapped in the singularity all along, there had never been another ship.

"Red alert," Janeway ordered, the lights dimming and an alarm blaring a few warnings.

"Sensors confirm it's definitely _U.S.S Voyager_," Tom reported, peeking at his console between staring at the screen.

"I've been hailing the ship on all frequencies," Tuvok said, "But I've gotten no response."

Janeway narrowed her eyes. "I don't think you'll get a response, Commander," she told him, patiently. "That message we unscrambled is the same message I sent out hours ago."

"Could we have traveled back in time and met ourselves?" Kim asked.

"No," B'Elanna said firmly, "that's not it." She moved towards Janeway across the back of the bridge and went to stand face to face with her. "I think I have an explanation." For a moment their eyes met and then Janeway nodded towards the briefing room again, asking that the senior officers move in there.

B'Elanna moved with the others into the briefing room that they had occupied a mere five minutes before, but didn't bother taking a seat like the rest of them. She was too nervous that Janeway was going to think she was crazy. Instead, she nervously paced around the table giving her explanation as to what was going on. "Think of it like this," she started, "you're sitting at the bottom of a pond, which is frozen over, and you look up at the surface and see a reflection of yourself. Now, you might think you're looking at another person, sitting at the bottom of another pond, looking back at you."

To her surprise, Janeway was buying it. "And in this case, we'd be staring up at the surface of the event horizon and seeing a time delayed reflection of ourselves."

"Are you saying we're the ones trapped in the singularity?" Chakotay asked.

"Unfortunately, yes," B'Elanna replied.

"You're right," Janeway agreed, "it's the only theory that explains everything that's happened to us. We've probably been in this singularity since we felt the first jolt."

Paris was confused. "Wait a minute," he interjected. "Let me get this straight. We were cruising along at warp seven, and then picked up a distress call. So we moved into investigate, but now you're saying that the other ship is just a reflection of us, and that the distress call is just the captain's opening hail. But we picked up the distress call before she sent the hail. How could we have been seeing a reflection of something we hadn't even done yet?" He looked around the table to see that everyone was staring at him, and that Janeway had a smirk on her face. "Am I making any sense here?"

"No," Janeway replied, "but that's okay. One of the more difficult concepts to grasp in temporal mechanics is sometimes effect can precede cause. A reaction can be observed before an action that initiated it."

"So how do we get out?" Kim asked.

"I'm not sure," B'Elanna replied, intensely. "But, I do know one thing. That as we slide deeper into the singularity, the spatial distortions are increasing. If that's the case, then we might not have a lot of time before they crush the ship."

Janeway got up from the table and moved around it to stand next to her. "If your analogy is correct, how do we get through that sheet of ice?"

"Look for a crack!"

"Or make a crack," Janeway said in response to B'Elanna. "Take something and slam into the ice until it buckles."

"Wait a minute," B'Elanna said. "What if we already made a crack in the ice?"

"When we first entered the event horizon," Janeway mused along with her.

"If we can find our entry point we might be able to slip out the way we came in," B'Elanna replied.

"So we would be looking for a subspace instability in the event horizon," Janeway speculated. "What would make it show up on our sensors?"

Silence passed between them for a couple of seconds and then they both said at the same time, "Warp particles!"

"If we saturate the event horizon with warp particles we might be able to see them escaping through the rupture we made when we entered!" Janeway exclaimed turning about on her heel and leaving the room. The rest of the officers, most of them stunned by what had just taken place, followed suit.

B'Elanna heard Paris remark to Barrett, "What the hell just happened?" Out of the corner of her eye, B'Elanna could see a small smile creep across the counselor's pretty face as she turned to reply to the hotshot pilot, "I think B'Elanna Torres just got promoted to chief engineer."

She felt satisfaction in hearing that. But she didn't know how much truth was behind the words that Barrett had just said. After all, B'Elanna may have found a way out of the event horizon for them, but that didn't mean Janeway was seriously going to take her on as chief engineer. She still wasn't sure how she felt about the whole thing herself. Was she capable of leading? _I guess there's only one way to find out, _she thought to herself as she went to stand in the command station with Janeway and Chakotay, while Tuvok took the main deflector off line. Kim was rerouting the power of the plasma flow to the main deflector so they could use it to generate a warp field.

B'Elanna stood rigidly next to Chakotay, realizing that if this didn't work, she was fresh out of ideas on how to get them out of the event horizon and _Voyager _would be crushed. _Well I gave us a week to survive out here, but I didn't think we'd be crushed to death by a quantum singularity. _

"Release the warp particles," Janeway ordered. A steady stream of particles emitted from the deflector dish and into the even horizon, filling the bridge with a bright orange glow. Paris immediately began to scan the singularity for an changes. But B'Elanna was anxious.

"Anything?" she rasped out, harshly.

"Not yet," Kim reported, coolly. "Warp particles at full intensity."

"I'm picking up something," Paris announced, fingers running across the conn. "It could be a rupture in the event horizon."

B'Elanna exchanged a relieved glance with the Captain before she ordered to have it put on screen. Sure enough, there was rupture. _Now if only its big enough for the ship to get through, _B'Elanna thought hopefully. But Paris was already delivering the bad news that it was too small. She felt anger taking a hold of her. "It must have collapsed since we first past through it."

"We found the crack," Janeway said, trying to calm her. "That's the important thing. Let's focus on how we can make it bigger."

"Put a wedge in it and force it open," B'Elanna retorted still feeling angry. "We could try a dekyon beam."

Janeway nodded her head and ordered Paris to move them closer to the rupture, but he turned in his seat and looked at her pensively. "Captain, if we get too close to the rupture our warp engines might make it collapse even further."

_Damn it, _B'Elanna thought as the Captain asked if they could emit the beam from their current position. Kim told her that they didn't have enough power to emit one from this distance. _Another damn. _

"Alright, we'll take a shuttlecraft," Janeway said, placing her hands on her hips.

It didn't surprise B'Elanna that Tom Paris was standing up, offering himself up to pilot the shuttle. It did surprise her though that Janeway was putting him down. He had made a valuable point, that she needed her best pilot and that was him. But hers was maybe a little bit more valuable; she needed someone with her that understood temporal mechanics. Once that was out, B'Elanna suddenly realized, _Kahless, she means me!_

Sure enough Janeway told B'Elanna that she was going to accompany her, and with a final order of leaving Chakotay in charge, the two women left the bridge, en route to the shuttlebay.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

_Disclaimers apply as usual. _

A/N: Conclusion of _Parallax. _I will starting reposting _Hanging in the Balance _tomorrow.

* * *

"Captain," B'Elanna said, once their shuttle was well on its way towards the rupture. "I want to apologize for losing my temper, in your ready room. I think, maybe, you were hitting a little too close to home, you know?" She glanced at the older woman to see her blue eyes upon her, listening in compassion. "I respect Chakotay, but he's wrong, I'm not officer material and we both know it. The truth is I quit the Academy because I knew I couldn't make it in Starfleet. And believe me, no one was sorry to see me go."

Kathryn remembered the conversation they had in her ready room a few hours before, about why she had quit the Academy. B'Elanna had stormed out of the room before the Captain could tell her what she had learned reading through her files. "Professor Chapman was," she stated simply.

B'Elanna glanced at her. "What?"

"He put a letter in your permanent file, stating that if you should ever reapply, he would support you," Kathryn answered. "He thought you were one of the most promising cadets he ever taught."

B'Elanna looked surprised. "I fought with him almost everyday. I was always questioning his methods, his assumptions, and he was always slapping me down like some upstart kid. I was surprised that he didn't help me pack my bags."

Kathryn smiled. "Some professors like students who challenge their assumptions, B'Elanna," she paused briefly, thinking about a conversation she had with Sarah Barrett when the young woman had come on board. _In fact, I like officer's who…test the waters. It's one of the reasons I chose you, Sarah. _It was a reason that she was choosing B'Elanna now. "So do some captains," she said, gently, with a warm smile. "Professor Chapman wasn't alone; many of your teachers thought you had the potential to be an outstanding officer. You had more friends at the Academy than you realized."

The Captain's console beeping ended their little _heart to heart. _"We're fifteen kilometers from the rupture," Kathryn said. "Start charging the dekyon beam."

"Dekyon beam online," B'Elanna reported as the tiny shuttle was rocked by a spatial distortion. Both B'Elanna and Kathryn were tossed about, but were not harmed. "Shields down to sixty-two percent," the younger woman stated after the jolting stopped.

"Increase speed," Kathryn ordered. "We have to get to that rupture before these spatial distortions tear us apart." The shuttle glided closer to the rupture. "Let's open this hole in the ice a little wider. Initiate the dekyon beam."

As B'Elanna did so the tiny shuttle was tossed about again, only this time it lasted longer and was more violent. _Voyager _started sending a report over the comline that the spatial distortions were increasing and that their hull was losing intregity.

"We've widened the opening by sixty-five percent, but I'd like another five for safety," Kathryn told B'Elanna.

"We're losing power," B'Elanna responded, while trying to grip her console. "I don't think we're going to get anymore Captain."

Suddenly the jolting stopped. Both women held their breaths for a moment, before Kathryn spoke up, "Let's get back to _Voyager._" But even as the shuttle started back towards the ship, Kathryn saw that they were going to have a problem. Instead of one _Voyager _there were now two, flying in close proximity with each other.

"Well this is a problem," B'Elanna said, voicing both women's opinion.

"One of them is a temporal reflection," Kathryn mused, looking at her console. "But which one? I'm getting identical readings from both ships."

"Captain, the rupture's closing again," B'Elanna told her. "If _Voyager _doesn't get through it within the next five minutes, we'll never get out."

"That means we have one chance to pick the correct ship."

"Simple choice," B'Elanna said. "Port or starboard?"

"Starboard."

"Port."

They glanced at each other when they realized that they didn't agree on which ship was really theirs. "The port ship is more likely to be the real one, it's closer to the rupture," B'Elanna argued. "That means," she rasped out as the ship shook again, "that their holding position closer to the rupture, waiting for us to dock before they head out."

"No," Kathryn debated, as the shaking stopped. "It maybe closer to the rupture but it's facing the wrong direction. The starboard ship is facing away from us. That means they must be trying to give us easy access to the shuttlebay."

"There has to be some way to tell them apart besides which direction their facing!"

"The starboard ship's thrusters are at standby, they're holding position. But the port ship is moving towards the rupture."

B'Elanna reached for the controls. "Then I was right, it is the port ship. They're heading out." Kathryn grabbed her by the arm, not forcefully, but gently and pulled her hand away from the console, stopping her from setting in a course for the port ship.

"Don't you see? _Voyager _did move towards the rupture, twenty minutes ago when we first discovered it. That's why the port ship is moving toward it now. It's a time delayed reflection of what we did before." Kathryn moved back into her seat and set a course for the starboard ship. "The starboard ship's the real one, they're waiting for us."

As the shuttle began to move towards the ship, B'Elanna glanced at her briefly. "If you're wrong, we're going to have a long time to debate it." Kathryn guided the shuttle into the bay and B'Elanna felt herself holding her breath as she announced they were ready to dock.

"Alright, cut the thrusters. Let's see what happens," Kathryn said. B'Elanna did as she was ordered and the shuttle glided in and landed on the shuttlebay floor with a small thud. Both Kathryn and B'Elanna let out a little sigh of relief. "Feels like a real ship to me. Let's get back to the bridge."

* * *

"They've landed sir," Harry Kim announced.

"Mister Paris, get us out of here," Chakotay ordered, feeling much better now that both the Captain and B'Elanna were safely back on board _Voyager. _It had been a little harrowing watching and waiting for them to get back, especially with the spatial distortions getting worse and causing more and more damage with each hit.

The doors to the turbolift hissed opened and he heard Janeway's voice carry over the back of the bridge. "Commander Chakotay, report."

"We're almost to the rupture," he told her as she joined him in the command station. "Mister Paris is about to impress us with his flying skills."

"The rupture's collapsing," Kim reported. "It's down to one hundred and ten meters wide."

"That's too narrow," B'Elanna said. "We're not going to make it."

Janeway was not about to accept defeat. She moved towards the conn, eyes looking determinedly ahead. "In command school they taught us always to remember that maneuvering a starship is a very delicate process. But I've learned sometimes you just have to punch your way through. Mister Paris, full impulse power."

The young pilot did as he was told and the ship began to move, but not without hitting a lot of turbulence along the way. Shields were failing, the hull integrity was failing, Paris was losing power, Kim was trying to restore it, and officers and crewmen were falling all over the bridge, trying to grab onto rails and chairs, or whatever they could to keep themselves standing. One nearly landed on top of Barrett who had stumbled backwards into her chair. It only got worse as _Voyager _moved towards the rupture that was collapsing more and more by the second but just like Janeway had instructed, Tom Paris punched the ship through the rupture, with a little more turbulence, and back into normal space.

_Voyager _still shook a little as it cleared the event horizon, but they were out, as Tuvok calmly proclaimed.

"_Sometimes you just have to punch your way through,_" Paris quoted her, looking up at her with an impish grin. "I'll have to remember that one."

With a little grin of her own she ordered him to set a course. "I want to be at least one hundred kilometers away from the singularity _before _we begin repairs."

"Mama?"

She turned her attention towards the ready room doors and saw the children standing there, not hurt, thankfully, but looking rather confused. Michael's hair was mussed and she could only imagine what kind of ride they just had. She did not however want to think about what her ready room looked like with all the toys now strewn about. "What is it honey?"

"Is it time to go home yet? I've had enough adventure for one day."

_Me too, _Kathryn thought with amusement; _me too._

* * *

"There they are—your staff," Chakotay announced to her as they entered Main Engineering the next day. Janeway had approved the promotion of B'Elanna to chief engineer the very night that they had escaped the quantum singularity. She had to admit however, that she was nervous, and didn't fully understand why the Captain wanted her to do this, especially if it was solely based on what she had done the past day, and what a few professors had said about her departing the Academy.

Glancing about the room she decided that she was just going to have to prove to Janeway that she really was up to the challenge, and even more so if the woman had set her up to fail. "I'll try not to break any of their noses."

Chakotay smiled at her humor. "First order of the day: the Captain wants the warp drive back online by thirteen hundred hours."

"Thirteen hundred hours? That's impossible."

"Well then, maybe you need to go break a few noses, or at least…bend a few," Chakotay replied. They shared a chuckle before he left, with a simple, "Lieutenant," as his departing words. He only glanced over his shoulder once ascending the stairs to join Janeway, who was standing on the second level, hand on the railing, looking down as B'Elanna got her people moving and then went to make peace with Joe Carey. Sarah Barrett was also standing near by, and he chuckled at the apprehensive look on her face. Apparently she was thinking a few broken noses were going to pop up as well.

Chakotay moved towards the two women and stopped when he came almost shoulder to shoulder with Janeway. "Checking up on your new chief engineer?"

"Observing," Janeway replied.

"And?"

"Two crew members have already filed complaints about her promotion," Barrett replied, but then she surprised Chakotay, she grinned at him. "But, I think everything is going to work out just fine. If you'll excuse me, Commander, Captain, I have an appointment to attend to."

Chakotay startled by her sudden vote of confidence in B'Elanna, watched as she left. Janeway's voice brought him back. "She earned a lot of people's respect yesterday, Chakotay, including mine. She maybe in for a rough adjustment, but I think B'Elanna's going to make a fine addition to this crew," she paused briefly, and then looked at him, with a smile, "our crew."

"Can I ask you a question, off the record?" They moved towards the stairs, descending them to go down to the lower level. "If things had happened differently, and we were on the Maquis ship and not _Voyager _would you have served under me?"

Her grin was coy and he knew he was not going to get a straight answer. "One of the nice things about being Captain is that you can keep some things to yourself."

* * *

Tal Celes anxiously sat in an empty briefing room. Counselor Barrett had requested that she meet with her and the Captain here. But that had been all she had said, and Tal had spent the past three hours fretting about this meeting. She had even reported to the meeting early, perhaps a bit too early, since both Barrett and Janeway had not made an appearance yet. And that was not helping her nerves any. She just wanted to get this done and over with.

When the doors to the briefing room slid open and the Captain walked in with Counselor Barrett behind her, Tal immediately jumped to her feet and assumed a rigid position. Janeway seemed amused by this and told the young woman to relax. The soft tone of her voice didn't help Tal to relax even as she adjust her position to an at east stance.

"Crewman Celes, why don't you have a seat," Janeway instructed while her and Barrett took seats at the table.

Tal glanced at the table that usually was reserved for the senior officers. She didn't believe she deserved to sit in those chairs, after all she was barely junior officer material, which was why she was a crewman. "I'd rather stand, ma'am," she said, politely, still giving the chairs a funny look.

"Alright, if that's what you wish," Janeway responded, settling into her chair. "It seems, Crewman Celes, that you're in the wrong position on this ship. And, given our circumstances, I need everyone to be in the position that best fits their talents." She saw a dejected look running through the young bajoran's eyes. "I'm sure you try your hardest, crewman, however, I think I have something you'd be more...suited for than working on Starfleet algoritums."

Tal had known this was coming sooner or later. "I understand, ma'am. Just what job do you think I'm suited for?" _Boot shiner, PADD deliverer. _

"What would say to becoming a nanny?"

The question took her completely off guard and she blinked her eyes several times before she finally stammered, "A nanny?"

A smile spread across Janeway's face. "Yes, a nanny. In case you were not aware I'm need in a little bit of childcare. If I don't find someone to take care of my children while I'm on duty, well, then I'm afraid they might just very well destroy my ship, if not drive me insane first. You were wonderful with them yesterday in the mess hall. Believe me, Ava doesn't fall asleep in just anyone's lap."

"I'm honored that you would even consider me for this Captain," Tal said, "but, I'm not sure I'm the perfect person to be watching your kids. I can...be a bit absent minded at times."

Janeway didn't seem bothered by this. "Counselor Barrett looked up your service record. You were a nanny during your Academy days and the family you worked for thought highly of you. But, I can't force you to do this, that isn't my nature. This has to be your decision Tal."

In the end there was really only one decision she could make; Tal Celes became the Janeway children's nanny. With a smile, the Captain thanked her and told her that she would start her new duties in the morning. Tal nodded her head before being dismissed and with a sigh of relief stepped into the turbo lift on deck one. She had enjoyed her short time with the children yesterday, but she understood it was going to be a difficult job, but one that she was, hopefully ready for. Janeway had put a lot of trust in her and she was not about to let the Captain down.

* * *


	15. Chapter 15: Hanging in the Balance

_Disclaimers: All characters, ships, technology, etc belong to Paramount. The characters of Sarah Barrett, Michael and Ava Janeway, the Karvaians, and the Rupor belong to me._

A/N: I plan on making lots of additions to _Hanging in the Balance. _There were lots of scenes that played out in my head afterwards that I never got around to writing. The scene at the beginning of the original chapter is just one of those afterthoughts. Enjoy and please leave a review! :)

* * *

_**HANGING IN THE BALANCE**_

_Two weeks after Voyager is taken from the Alpha Quadrant..._

Tom Paris stumbled on his way out of the holodeck thanks to a horribly placed vending cart in Rome circa 1920. Things hadn't gone according to plan, hell they never seemed to go according to plan for him. Perhaps he should have told Harry the truth from the beginning, but Harry wouldn't have ventured down to the holodeck if he had told him the truth. So he had told a little white lie, what was the harm in that?

Apparently a lot because Harry was stalking off down the corridor to the turbolift. "Harry, wait up!"

Harry Kim shook his head. "No way, Tom. "

"Aw, come on Harry, I've been smoothing out the details for this date for days now! You can't leave me in the dust like this!"

"Oh yes I can," Harry snapped, pressing the button to call for the lift.

Tom caught up with him as the lift opened and pressed the button to send it on its way before Harry could step inside. His friend turned to glare at him. "It's the Delaney sisters, Harry, they come as a package. It's a double date or no date, Harry."

"I never agreed to a date of any kind."

"Sure you did," Tom replied. "Last night."

A blank expression passed over Harry's face. He couldn't recall ever have such a conversation. Of course, he was so tired last night he probably would have agreed to jumping out of an airlock. "I never agreed to any date last night. We ate dinner with Lieutenant Barrett, who told me to enjoy some recreational time while she was away to quell my homesickness. There was never anything about a date in that conversation Tom."

Tom grinned mercelessly. "Well, dates are recreational. You're following counselor's orders."

"She didn't _order _me. She suggested recreational activities," Harry fumed. "Why am I arguing with you on this? I have a girlfriend back home, I don't need to go on any dates."

"Harry, Harry, Harry, you honestly think she's going to _wait _for you?"

"Yes!" He exclaimed quickly.

"That's rather selfish of you, don't you think?"

"Look who's telling me about being selfish," Harry hissed. "It was rather selfish of you to think I'd go on this date so you can get with Meghan Delaney."

Tom shrugged his shoulders. "Alright, it was rather selfish of me, but you are my best friend Harry, who else would I ask to go on a double date with me?" He looked innocently at his friend. Harry rolled his eyes doing his best imitation of Sarah Barrett when Tom got this way. "Can I help it if I thought I was helping my best friend out?"

Harry grunted. "Helping me out with what?"

"Moving on!"

"Tom, we've only been out here two weeks, you think Libby's moved on that quickly?"

"Well of course not," Tom retorted, "but she's going to, eventually, Harry. You know it."

He did know it but he didn't want to acknowledge it. He wasn't ready to accept that Libby was going to move on without him, that she was going to think that he was dead. It seemed rather unfair to be so far away from home and going out on a double date with Tom when Libby was probably grieving for his loss back on Earth. Why should he be happy when he knew that his loved ones were not? Tom on the other hand didn't have this dilemma. He could care less about his family and had no girlfriend back home. Girlfriends just weren't Tom Paris' style. Harry wondered how long the chase of the Delaney sister's was going to last. He opened his mouth to speak, but no word came out.

Tom grabbed him by the arm. "Now come on, they're waiting for us and I only have forty five minutes left of holodeck time saved up."

Harry allowed Tom to pull him all the way back to holodeck, the whole time awestruck that he had every intent on not going back there but Paris found some way to drag him along. _Every time, _he thought as they entered the holodeck, _he gets me every time with the moving on and selfish of me to think she'll wait bit. _But even as he was dragged towards the candlelit table, with a very smiling Jenny Delaney, he wondered just how much _trouble _Tom had really gotten him into. _It's going to be a long night._

* * *

The constant thrumming of the engines was soothing to him as the tiny shuttlecraft cruised along to the home world of the Karvaians. _Voyager _had made first contact with one of their scout ships two days before and the Captain wanted to immediately send out a diplomatic party to speak with them. The first officer had been given the mission, taken a shuttle, and departed from _Voyager_. Chakotay had always found that piloting a ship manually was a good source of therapy and relaxation, better than sitting in a chair and talking to a psychologist for hours on end. Maybe that was why he was having trouble getting to know Sarah Barrett.

It wasn't that he didn't like her; she was a bright young woman with a strong personality. However, she was a psychologist and whenever he opened his mouth to speak he wondered if she was taking silent notes about his mental state. It was this reason, that he was uncomfortable around her, that he believed Captain Janeway had sent them on the mission together. She was hoping that the time alone would help them work up a little bit of a rapport aside from the first officer/counselor relationship. Well, it was proving to be hard to do just that since Barrett was barely speaking to him. She had helped him with preflight and everything else that Starfleet protocol demanded of her, but once they were well on their way she had barricaded her self so to speak in the aft cabin of the shuttle, reading over PADDs.

Her eyes were narrowed, reading over the material vigorously, as if she felt that she didn't have enough time to read through it all. He recalled her concern for Neelix not being allowed on this mission, but Janeway had not felt comfortable allowing the Talaxian on another away mission just yet, not after what had happened on Ocampa with Neelix deceiving them to help rescue Kes. So, instead, Sarah had been handed stacks of PADDs on the data that Neelix had on the Karvaians right before they left.

He had been trying to get her to talk about what she was working on, to break the ice, but she had responded coldly that once she had a better grasp on Karvarian culture she would let him know, and the discussion had ended there.

But despite the lack of communication on this trip, he could see why Janeway liked the young woman so much. She could switch from hard and calculating, to soft and caring when the situation presented itself. And, he admitted, she had a wry sense of humor. But other than her personality, he didn't know much about her, except what her service record had indicated, and even then that didn't go into depth. He did know that she had a dark past, one that she was trying to turn her life around from. _Like so many other people on this journey, _he thought with sudden realization, as he made a course correction.

He had also tried asking her about her time at the Academy, perhaps make a connection between the two of them there. She had remarked, _perhaps another time._

Looking at his panel he concluded that had been over two hours ago, just after they had cleared_ Voyager _and been on their way to Karva. They would be reaching the planet in about thirty minutes. "Captain Janeway tells me you were a part of a team that studied the Borg," he spoke up, hoping to get something from her. It seemed that if they didn't have the integration of the Maquis into _Voyager's _crew to talk about, then they had nothing to talk about. And he didn't know why, but that bothered him.

"I was the head psychologist on a research vessel that composed of some of Starfleet's top engineers, science officers, and doctors," came her subdued reply. "Our mission was to collect as much information about the Borg as we could, such as their psyche and their technology and bring it back to Starfleet in the hopes that a better defense against the Borg could be made and spare us from another disaster like Wolf 359."

"Really? What made you want to study the Borg?" Chakotay asked her, brown eyes peering up for only a few seconds. "They aren't exactly the warmest species in the galaxy to be hanging around with."

"My mother was killed at Wolf 359," Barrett replied, a bit of pain etched in her voice. "I guess I wanted to _justify _the reason they had killed her."

Her answer had deadpanned the conversation, just when he felt like he was getting somewhere with her. The console blared suddenly and the ship lurched to the left. Perplexed, Chakotay corrected their course thinking that they had run into some form of spatial distortion; another blare and an even more violent lurch.

"A ship just appeared off of our port nacelle. They're firing on us," Barrett announced. She had jumped up from her seat in the aft cabin and into the one besides Chakotay. Her fingers were running over the console. "I don't understand why sensors didn't pick them up coming in!"

"I've never seen this type of ship before, it's not Karvaian," Chakotay said. "I'm going to try out running them. Try hailing them on all frequencies."

"No response," Sarah replied as the shuttle was hit again, this time causing sparks to emit from the conduits.

The shuttle craft in reality was no match for the alien ship. The readings were showing them that they were up against a ship that had vast technological advances, superior to their own, but perhaps, if they could get in communications range of Karva, their new friends could assist them. But with the next hit, the port nacelle caught fire, sending the shuttle into a downward spiral. Chakotay tried to right the shuttle with the only engine he had, as smoke filled the cabin. Barrett was screaming that the aliens were trying to take out their engines, causing the hull to breach around the nacelle, in affect, ripping it off the tiny ship. They were hurtling towards the surface of a small planetoid.

"Can we land?" Chakotay asked her.

"Land?" Barrett repeated. "We're going to crash before we do that!"

"Is the atmosphere compatible for us?"

"It's a Class L atmosphere," Barrett replied, sapphire eyes roaming the readings the computer was giving her. "The surface consists mostly of mountains and rock, not a lot of water; high concentrations of carbon dioxide. Can we survive down there? Yes, but that's only if we survive the crash first."

Chakotay shook his head, looking at the controls determinedly. "We're not going to crash."

Sarah looked up him skeptically. "How can you say that?" Her body lurched about violently as the tiny ship entered the atmosphere. "We only have one engine and those aliens are doing everything they can to take the other one out! Commander, if we hit the rock at this speed it will tear the ship apart and us with it!"

"Not if I can help it!"

"Commander! Even if we survive the crash or landing as you put it, we don't know if those aliens will come after us," Barrett pointed out. They had only been in this part of space for a couple of weeks, but already they had learned that most of the species in this quadrant weren't friendly, the Kazon, for example, were not to be trifled with and they hadn't gotten off on the best of terms with them.

"We're going to make it look like we've been destroyed. On my command I want you to vent the plasma," Chakotay instructed her, eyes running over his console, trying to find a good place to put the shuttle down. They were coming in fast towards a very rocky region. It was not going to be a smooth landing. "Hang on!" he cried out as the aliens fired across their bow. Sparks emitted from the aft cabin and he could see Barrett gripping the console, however she held a calm expression. No doubt it was something that she had learned while studying the Borg. Who knew that experience was going to come in handy now?

"Chakotay, we're going in too fast," the Counselor rasped out, anxiously.

"_Unidentified ship, surrender."_

Chakotay slapped at the comline. He didn't want to hear them implore surrender. They weren't out of tricks just yet. If they were lucky the alien ship wouldn't follow them into the atmosphere. The shuttle began to quake violently as it entered the upper atmosphere. "Vent the plasma, Sarah, and target phasers on it. Fire when I tell you too."

"But that would ignite the plasma," Sarah said, even as she followed through with his orders.

"I know, I want them to believe that we've burnt up in the atmosphere."

"I hope you know what you're doing," Sarah replied.

_Me too, _Chakotay thought as the shuttle hurtled faster and faster towards the surface. "Fire now!"

Phasers burst forth from the shuttle craft, igniting the plasma into a fireball behind them. The alien ship backed off, whether or not they believed that the shuttle had indeed exploded and were avoiding exploding themselves, the two officers couldn't be sure. They had other problems. Chakotay noticed on his fading sensors that the alien ship was reversing course. For the time being the threat had been eliminated, but now they were spiraling out of control towards a rocky planet. "Dispatch an automated distress signal to _Voyager!"_

Sarah moved about so she could record a message and send it to _Voyager. _It was brief, seeing how they didn't have much time before the ship hit the surface, but she hoped that it was effective. Turning back towards the Commander she only had a few moments to grip the console as he cried out to brace for impact.

Despite Chakotay's best efforts, and even though he managed to slow the ship's descent, the shuttle hit the rocky soil hard and both officers felt their bodies being thrown about against the panels and controls as the shuttle tore a path through the rock. It swayed back and forth, first the port nacelle was sheared off, and then the starboard nacelle came ripping off as well, exploding in a ball of flame that sent both Chakotay and Sarah flying from their seats as the shuttle slammed into a solid rock wall. In a blinding flash of light, both officers were knocked unconscious, the shuttle coming finally to a stop, crumpled against a mountain side.

* * *

He awoke with the taste of blood in his mouth and smoke in his eyes. Chakotay blinked, trying to take in his surroundings. The lights were flickering on and off, the consoles as well, and the memories began to return to his jostled mind. Rising up on to his elbows he peered out the view port. The shuttle was in shambles, but lucky for them, the shields had held long enough to protect them from the fires and explosions of the nacelles. Now, they were rested against a solid bed of rock. It hadn't been his best landing, but at least they had managed to get down in one piece.

_They. _He suddenly realized that he had no idea where Sarah was. Turning about, which sent a shooting pain up his right leg, he tried to locate her. She was a few feet from him, plasma burns covering a part of her face and hands. There was a huge gash across her cheek and she did not appear to be breathing. Grabbing the emergency medical kit he pulled out the tricorder and ran the hand scanner over her body. She was breathing and alive, but she had not faired as well as he had when it came to the crash landing.

She had several broken ribs, one had punctured a lung. The burns on her face and hands were second degree plasma burns that he could easily treat with a deremial regenerator, but that was the least of his concerns, she had suffered massive internal bleeding as well. If _Voyager _did not find them and find them soon, the young woman was going to die. Her eyes opened then and she looked at him, confused.

"We made it?"

"We made it," Chakotay replied, helping her sit up slightly. She winced in pain. "You were injured in the crash."

"How bad?" Sarah asked, trying to grit her teeth and bear the pain.

"Nothing too serious," he lied to her, reaching in the medical kit for a hypospray.

"You're a terrible liar; didn't they teach how to lie with the Maquis?"

He laughed, giving her a warm smile. "Should have known I couldn't fool you," he whispered, pressing the hypospray to her neck. "Here this will help with the pain. I'm afraid that's all I can do for now, besides treat your burns. You need surgery."

She nodded her head as the pain began to dull. "What about _Voyager?_"

Chakotay shook his head. "I'm not sure our message was received and I'm not sure I can send another one. It looks like our systems took heavy damage." He wiped some sweat from his brow and glanced around the cabin. He wasn't sure how they were going to get out of this one. Pulling himself up to his feet he moved towards the communication panel and saw that it was burnt out, probably where Sarah had received the burns from. So much for trying to send another message out to _Voyager; _he realized that even if he were able to get another message out, the aliens that had attacked them may pick the transmission up and come back to finish them off. Then they'd be in more trouble then they were now.

It was best to try and survive on this planet and wait for _Voyager _to find them. Glancing at Sarah he wondered how much time she could hold out. He wasn't a doctor, knew some basic first aid, but even he knew that she didn't have time on her side. One thing was for sure, they were going to need something to keep them warm and water. They had enough emergency rations to last them a few days, but a quick glance at the systems told him that the replicator was down and so weren't environmental controls. Once they lost the sunlight, it was going to get cold in that tiny shuttle. He grabbed a tricorder and a phaser. "I'm going to go look for water and something to start a fire with."

"You really think we'll be here that long?"

"There's no telling how long we'll be here," Chakotay responded, opening the hatch. Before he left he turned about and offered her a smile. "Don't go anywhere while I'm away."

A small, pain filled smile spread across her face. "Don't worry, Commander, I wont."

* * *


	16. Chapter 16

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: New addition to the end of the chapter. Everything else has been cleaned up! Enjoy!

* * *

It figured that they had to crash land on the most desolate, resourceless planet in the system. Chakotay had spent nearly an hour trying to find water and something to eat besides the emergency rations. At least he had been able to find the stones to help them keep warm by simply heating them with phaser fire. Of course keeping warm would be pointless if they did not find water because they wouldn't survive long without it.

So, he kept pressing onward, talking to Sarah via their personal communicators. He would have preferred to stay with her to monitor her condition, however their need for water took president. Keeping her talking gave him at least the peace of mind to know that she was a wake for the time being and had not fallen into a state of unconsciousness. Since he had started out on this trek he was certain he had heard her life story, but it was the only thing he could think of to get her talking and keep her talking.

Every time that she would nod off, he would press her, yelling until she responded, fearing each time that it was the final time she would respond. It was hard to keep track of what she was saying since he was climbing into higher, rocky terrain, but as long as he heard her voice, he knew she was still with him.

At first he had hoped to find a way off the mountain side they had crashed against but that soon went out the window when he realized that they were wedged onto a cliff and the only way down was to climb up.

The sun was getting low in the sky and Chakotay knew that he didn't have a lot of daylight left. Suddenly his foot sank into something wet and cold. Looking down he realized he had stepped into snow. _Snow, _he thought with excitement, _could be melted down into water. _ He quickly gathered up what he could in the storage containers he had salvaged from their damaged shuttle. Now, if only there was food to go with the snow, but given the climate and conditions of this planet, he was pretty sure that there was nothing of nutritional value here. The ration bars were going to have to do until _Voyager _found them.

"_Commander_," Sarah's voice came over their open comline. "_Are you ever going to tell me_ your_ life story?"_

He had to chuckle at the sarcastic tone in her voice. "Alright, you have a point. I've been making you spill your guts here about your life, it seems only fair that I do the same." _Anything to keep you awake, keep you talking so I know you're alright. _"What do you want to know?"

"_Why did you join the Maquis?_"

Leave it to her to come up with the most difficult question. There was a time it seemed like the answer was simple, at least to him anyways, but the more he thought about it, and he had thought about it a lot the past three weeks, he found that the answer was indeed complex. There had been many factors leading up to his joining the Maquis; the Federation's cold shoulder when it came to their colonies they had sacrificed in the name of diplomacy; the death of countless innocent people, the death of his father. "Because Starfleet was more inclined to listen to the Cardassians then their own people," he finally answered her. "However, I think the real reason was I was grieving the loss of my father."

"_Funny how the death of a loved one can push you to do things that…you aren't proud of," _Barrett replied.

"I wouldn't say I was ashamed of joining the Maquis," Chakotay retorted. "I was angry at Starfleet, yes, and would I have resigned my commission if my father had not been killed, to tell you the truth, I'm not sure Lieutenant. But enough about my joining up with the Maquis. My turn to ask a difficult question: Why did you turn to drugs?"

"_Simple, I was stupid."_

"I'm not letting you off that easily."

"_I didn't know what else to do, really. My brother had turned his back on me and I had no where else to go, nothing to fall back on. I guess I found it weak that a counselor would need counseling. The drugs helped me relax; help me forget for a while that my father had been killed in some terrible accident. But eventually I just had to take more and more until I missed an important debriefing about the mission to study the Borg and I was arrested for dereliction of duty when they found me passed out in my office."_

Chakotay closed the last storage container he had filled with snow. "We're more a like then I thought, Lieutenant."

"_How so, Commander?_"

"We both tried to run from our grief and it only gave us problems in the end. You were yanked from a promising career at headquarters, and I was tagged a traitor of the Federation," he replied, standing up and starting to make his way back down the mountain side. It wouldn't take nearly as long to climb down as it would up and already he could see that it was going to be easy going.

"_I think you took a more noble route then I did_, _going to fight for something you believed in,_" Barrett said. "_Starfleet was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, I read it in your personnel report on my way to the Badlands. If you had helped them gather up more of the Maquis they were willing to give you your commission back. I'm not sure if they were willing to give me the same treatment."_

"They allowed you on this mission," Chakotay replied.

"_Captain Janeway had a lot to do with that_," Barrett replied. "_My area of study was terrorism, and no offense or anything, but many saw the Maquis as terrorists. She needed someone that…understood how they thought. But…I have to wonder how much Captain Dawson played a factor into my being assigned to Voyager_."

"Captain Dawson?"

"_My lawyer, Captain Janeway's brother-in-law_," Barrett answered, softly.

Now there was a connection to Janeway that Chakotay didn't know the young woman had. He didn't believe that her relation to Barrett's lawyer had anything to do with the young counselor being assigned to _Voyager_, however. So far he had learned that Kathryn Janeway liked taking risks, she had taken one on him and his crew. Janeway had to have taken her service record prior to the court martial into consideration, just like she had taken his when choosing him for her new first officer. "I didn't even realize that the Captain was married."

"_What, did you think the children came out of thin air?"_

_Good point, _Chakotay thought, _but she's never mentioned a husband, to me at least. _"What about her husband? What does he do?"

There was a strange moment of silence that passed between them and for a brief second he worried that perhaps she had passed out from the blood loss. "_He was a scientist," _Barrett finally replied.

"Was?"

"_I'm not sure if I have the…right to be speaking to you about this," _Barrett finally said, ending the line of questioning. "_Whatever happened to speaking to me about your life? Has that suddenly gone out the window? I'm interested to know about you Commander, and, well, the whole reason that we were put together on this mission was to get to know each other better, wasn't it?"_

He should have known that she would have seen through Janeway's ploy. "Well…there's a lot to tell about me I suppose, it's just where do I begin?"

Thirty minutes later as he reached the shuttle, he had told her about his sister, his cousin in Ohio, a trip he had taken with his father when he was a teenager, how he had always felt trapped between two worlds. She had listened patiently, like a good little psychologist would, adding her two cents every now and then.

When he arrived back at the shuttle, the sun had already set and he could feel that the temperature had dropped at least ten degrees, and was only going to continue falling. He set up the stones he had gathered in an arc around the base of the hatch and pulled out his phaser. With it set on a low setting he fired it at the stones which absorbed the energy and began to glow orange and let off a nice heat. With their little make shift fire and the blankets they could survive here for a couple of days at least.

He hoped that _Voyager _found them before then however. Chakotay wasn't sure how long Sarah could hold out, needing the surgery to repair all the damage her body had taken in the crash. He himself was injured, with several cuts and one large contusion going up his right leg, however, he knew he wouldn't die from them.

"Here," he said, handing her a cup with newly melted snow in it. "Drink this."

"You found water on this hell hole?" she quipped, taking the cup from his hands.

He smiled, wearily. "I may have learned a few survival skills growing up." It was a good thing too, because quite frankly, he didn't know how long they were going to be trapped on this planet.

* * *

"Good morning, Captain."

Kathryn Janeway looked up at Lieutenant Commander Tuvok. If she didn't know him any better she would almost say that the remark had been sarcastic because she was thirty minutes late. She had Ava's separation anxiety to thank for that. Although, she had to admit, that it was getting better. Instead of clinging to Kathryn for over an hour today, the baby had only latched onto her for thirty minutes. _Small steps, _that's what Sarah Barrett had told when she had complained to the young counselor how frustrating it was. "Any report from Commander Chakotay this morning?"

"Negative, Captain," Tuvok reported.

Janeway didn't find it odd, but she had asked anyways hoping that there was something about how their first night on Karva had been. She was sure that she would hear something by the end of the day. "How are the repairs proceeding?" she asked, blue eyes settling on Tuvok's face. For the past two days they had been docked at one of Karva's space stations doing routine maintenance. They had been lucky that their new friends had allowed them access to the space station, or Kathryn wasn't sure how much longer her ship would be able to hold out on the power levels it had been working on.

"They should be completed by thirteen hundred hours," Tuvok answered.

She felt a frown form on her face. She had wanted the repairs to be done and over with so they could be on their way. "Any chance they could be completed before that?"

"I supposed it could be arranged," Tuvok replied, "however, if we are to be thorough, I would not recommend pushing up the completion time, Captain."

_Of course you wouldn't, _she thought, amused. "Well, as soon as they are done, set a course for Karva. By then we should have heard from Chakotay on how things are going." Tuvok gave her a small nod of his head and she turned about, moving down towards the command station. It seemed strangely empty without Chakotay and Sarah Barrett there and she prayed that their mission was going well. It could mean safe passage through a long stretch of space if it did.

"Captain," Harry Kim said from Ops. "The Karvaian Prime Minister is sending us a message. He wants to know when to expect our diplomatic party."

Janeway turned her head to look at the young ensign with a confused gaze. "Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett should have been there already."

"He claims that they didn't show up," Kim replied, anxiously.

She stood, moving towards his station. "What's their last known coordinates?"

"The last time they reported in, they were about an hour from Karva," Harry commented, raising his dark eyes to his captain. "That was almost twenty-four hours ago, ma'am."

Janeway lowered her head, gripping the railing tightly. Then, with a determined look she spun about on her heal and gazed at the back of Tom Paris. "Mister Paris," she said, firmly, "set a course according to Chakotay's last report, maximum warp. Harry, inform the Prime Minister that we will investigate what happened to our people and thank him for notifying us. Our meeting with him will just have to wait a few days, I suppose."

Both Paris and Kim responded with a "yes ma'am."

"Captain, I should not have to remind you, that repairs are not complete," Tuvok spoke up from tactical, like she knew he would.

"I understand that Tuvok, we're just going to have to continue them en route," Janeway replied. "Our people could be in trouble, and I'm not waiting around for routine maintenance to be completed. That could mean life or death for Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett."

Slumping down in her seat, she heaved a heavy sigh. This was not the way that Kathryn had wanted to start her shift. Having Ava throw, what was becoming a ritual fit, that morning had been a rocky enough start, but now two of her officers were missing. They just could not afford the loss of another two officers, and not this early in their journey home.

She rubbed her temples thoughtfully for a moment. Perhaps they had run into some maintenance trouble themselves and been forced to set down on a planetoid before they reached Karva. _No, no, they would have contacted Voyager, _she concluded. Maybe they had miscalculated the time it was going to take them to get there and were actually touching down now as she sat there worrying about them. The Prime Minister would be back on the comline telling her that they had arrived and to stand down their search. But even as that thought crossed her mind, she quickly dispelled it. The Prime Minister had waited twenty four hours to contact her, meaning he had waited to see if perhaps her officers were simply late.

Could they have deviated from their flight plan that much that they were this late? She thought it highly unlikely. Something was wrong and she was sure whatever they found was probably not going to be good news.

"Captain, I've analyzed Chakotay's last known cooridnates and I think I can project their flight path," Kim said, breaking her concentration. "If my calculations are right, they would have crossed out of Karvaian borders for approximately an hour."

"Tom, adjust our course to match," Janeway ordered, standing up. "I'll be in my ready room."

Getting up rather quickly, Janeway exited the bridge leaving Tuvok in charge and retreated into the privacy of her ready room. Here she could think, perhaps get a grasp on all the information that she had just been forced to process. Like why did Chakotay's flight path take them out of Karvaian space? She had looked over the purposed course before they had left; it had cut a path through the outer rim of Karvaian space, close along the borders, but not that close. Had they run into trouble along the border? Is that what had happened?

Was the shuttle now in a million pieces and she had to find yet again replacement officers?

Sighing angrily, she fell onto the sofa. _When we arrive at their last known coordinates we'll follow their ion trail. They can't be too far from their last known position, _she mused, crossing her arms over her chest and peering thoughtfully at the glass coffee table. _Can they? _

Leaning back so her head touched the top of the sofa she realized how tired she was. She had not gotten a good night's sleep since, well since they had first been flung out here in the vast reaches of the galaxy. She constantly was worried about something, whether it was her ship or her children, there was something on her mind, nagging at her when she laid her head down every night. Lately it had been Ava's inability to let her mother go in the mornings when Tal Celes came to watch them. But now, she knew she had something to add to the constant bombardment of worries; the whereabouts of her first officer and counselor.

* * *

Tom Paris pulled open a panel to access the navigational array and sprawled out onto his stomach to get a better look. One hour of flying at maximum warp had burnt out the power relays. Janeway hadn't been happy when he had to slow the ship to impulse. In fact, Tom was certain that he could see steam coming out of her ears when she had burst from her ready room demanding a report. Tom had instantly volunteered, much to the dismay of B'Elanna Torres, to repair the power couplings.

It wouldn't take long and it got him off the bridge. The main center of command wasn't the place to be at the present time. It was clear that the stress of their situation was wearing Janeway down but no one had the guts to tell her to take it easy.

"What are you doing?"

"Jesus!" Tom cursed, dropping his tool on top of his hand at the sudden appearance of Michael Janeway.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Tom shook his hand out, where the tool had dropped, and looked at the kid. "Next time, you might want to warn me. Why aren't you with your nanny anyways?"

Michael shrugged his shoulders. "Ava was crying. She's awfully loud and it hurts my ears. Tal's too busy trying to get Ava to stop crying to notice me gone."

_Great, this kid needs a permanent security detail, _Tom thought as he picked his tool back up and began to work. "You know kid, you ain't half bad. I used to sneak away from my baby-sitters all the time when I was your age. Used to drive my father crazy."

"Because you left your nanny?"

"Because I broke the rules. He loved rules."

"Mama likes rules," Michael said. "She gets mad when I break them. Why are rules so important, Lieutenant Paris?"

Of all the people to ask, the kid had chosen him. Tom stopped what he was doing and looked the boy in the eye. Dark brown hair was messy from probably climbing through the Jeffery's Tubes and his little rounded face reminded him of Janeway. "Well, if we all didn't follow rules...things would be a little crazy around here," Tom said, thinking, _if they aren't already crazy around here. _"Rules make sure we're safe."

"Is that why you were in jail? Because you broke the rules and weren't safe?"

"Yes, in a manner of speaking," Tom replied getting back to his work.

"Why didn't Mama put the Maquis in jail? They broke the rules," Michael said.

"Well, she had her reasons."

"They don't like it here," the boy said, plopping down onto the floor next to Tom.

Tom closed his eyes for a moment praying for a little bit of extra strength. The kid was making it hard for him to finishing the repairs that Janeway was ready to throttle someone if they weren't done. "We're in a... unique... situation. Your mother did what she thought was best for her crew and to make sure that we find a way home."

Michael looked at him pensively. "Are we really that far from home?"

"Afraid so."

"Mama feels bad," Michael said. "She doesn't tell me, but I know. She feels bad that we're far from home."

Tom finished what he was doing and went to close the panel. "Your mother didn't have an easy choice to make." He fastened the panel and turned to glance at the boy. "Everyone feels bad about what we had to do."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do they feel bad? We helped people."

Leave it to a child to simplify something so complicated. Tom smiled gently and reached out and ruffled his hair. "You know something kid, when you look at it that way, it's hard to feel bad about what we did." He gestured that it was time to go.

As they stood up and made their way back to the turbo lift Michael slipped his small hand into Tom's. "Are we friends now?" the boy asked, looking up at him in admiration. Tom had never seen anyone look at him that way, never in his life. It made his heart swell with emotions.

"Yeah," he rasped out finally. "We're friends now."

* * *


	17. Chapter 17

_Disclaimers apply usual. _

A/N: No new additions, but cleaned up the next two chapters and combined them into one big chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

Harry Kim entered a subdued mess hall for lunch. The news that Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett's shuttle was missing had spread like wildfire throughout the ship. With a solemn glance around the room, Harry went to the replicators to replicate himself a sandwich for lunch. After the food had materialized he grabbed the tray and made his way through the sully crowd to a table in the corner that Tom Paris was occupying.

The young pilot, who had become Harry's friend in the last three weeks, was eating what looked like soup, and staring out the windows at the stars moving by. Harry set his tray down across from Tom and took his seat. "So much for the Karvaians being a morale booster," the young ensign mumbled. "The way people are acting around here, it's like we've already had a funeral for Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett."

Tom ran his tongue over his lips. "I didn't care for Chakotay too much; guess it was because he was right about me on a lot of things. However, I'm going to miss Sarah, she knew how to make me feel better and was easy to talk too. I feel bad for the Captain, having to replace her first officer, again, in a matter of weeks."

"You're one these people who make it sound like they're dead," Harry replied. "We don't know if they are."

"We don't know if their alive, either," Tom retorted, solemnly. He leaned forward. "Listen Harry, we have to be prepared for the worst here. It's not like we're home and replacements can be sent. We lose our first officer, we lose our first officer. And… no one else on this ship has the credentials to be counselor."

Harry took a bite of his sandwich. He thought back to the last time he had gone to speak to Barrett. It had been two days before her and Commander Chakotay were due to depart for Karva. He had been homesick; she had made him laugh with some ridiculous story about when she was a kid. Tom was right, she was easy to talk too and he was going to miss her. Her presence alone had been comforting, not too mention she was quite pretty; her smile alone could make anyone feel better. Realizing what he had just thought, he snapped back to attention. "Let's not think about replacements unless we have too, okay?"

"Sounds good to me," Tom said, pushing his tray away from him. "So, are we still on for Venice?"

Harry had completely forgotten, in all the excitement, that Tom had arranged for them to go on a double date with the Delaney sisters, yet again. Of course Harry had been against it from the start, seeing how he had a girlfriend back home, but Tom had forced him into that first date with them by guilt tripping him and now was setting up another. "I don't know, Tom. The last time didn't go over so well."

"The last time you were too preoccupied with your girlfriend back home. It wouldn't have hurt to have said a few words to Jenny," Tom said, with a smile. "Let your girlfriend go Harry. She deserves to have a life, be allowed to fall in love again. Besides, you really think she's going to wait seventy-five years for you?"

"We've had this discussion," Harry pointed out. "But… you're right, I do need to let go. She probably doesn't even know I'm alive."

"If it makes you feel any better, Harry, none of our families know if we're alive," Tom said. "We're all in the same boat."

Harry smiled sadly. "Counselor Barrett said the same thing to me."

"You've been seeing a lot of our resident psychologist," Tom said, smirking, meaning his gears were turning. "Perhaps it's her you want to take to Venice and not Jenny Delaney."

His friend frowned. "Knock it off Tom. Counselor Barrett is a nice person to talk too, I'd even consider her a friend, but that's it."

"For now anyways," Tom said, noticing Harry roll his eyes. "Oh come on, Harry. It's okay to admit you have a crush on her! She's pretty easy on the eyes."

"So why don't _you_ ask her on a date?"

"I did," he said. "She turned me down, gave me some mumble jumble about us being too much alike that it would never work out. Not too mention she said I was a walking hormone."

Harry suppressed a chuckle, and grinned, "Is this why the sudden attention on Megan Delaney? You were rejected by one pretty brunette so now you're going after another?"

"Oh, so you do admit Sarah's pretty," Tom tried changing the subject. "You know, if she's still alive, and we end up finding them, you better make your move before some else does. I heard several crewmen have made a pass at her."

Harry didn't know why but that bothered him, a lot. Could Tom be right, that he did have a crush on Sarah Barrett? Harry finished his sandwich and pushed the tray away from him, glaring at Tom. "This is crazy, Tom. I shouldn't be jumping into a new relationship on the chance we're going to live the rest of our lives out here. Maybe, Chakotay and Sarah found a wormhole and are in the Alpha Quadrant right now, trying to find a way to get in contact with _Voyager_. If that's the case I could be sitting down to eat dinner with Libby tomorrow."

"Or, you could be stuck out here for seventy-five years, a lonely old hermit if you keep that attitude," Tom argued. "I think she'd understand if you went on with your life, especially if she goes on with hers."

"_Senior officers report to the bridge."_

The conversation about girlfriends, the Delaney sisters and Sarah Barrett ended, as the two officers got up from their table and went to recycle their trays. However, Harry couldn't shake the emotions that Tom had stirred up inside of him. _I only have a crush on her because she's helping me cope with being away from home, that's it; nothing more. _But uncertainty kept creeping into his brain as they stepped out of the turbo lift onto the bridge.

Captain Janeway was standing in the middle of the command station, hands on her hips, an alien ship on the view screen.

"They're hailing us Captain," Tuvok reported from tactical.

An image of a humanoid alien appeared on the screen, with skin in various shades of green with navy blue spots blotted down the temple all the way to the collarbone. He, or she, had yellow eyes, a slopping forehead, and did not look particular happy to be speaking to _Voyager. _"My name's Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship _Voyager, _what can we do for you?"

"You can turn your ship around and leave Rupor space," the alien responded, dryly.

"We mean you no harm," Janeway tried to assure the alien, "but maybe you could help us. I'm looking for two of my crewmen, who may have crossed through your space a day or so ago. Have your people reported any unidentified crafts passing through the vicinity?"

"No," the alien snapped. "Except you."

"Perhaps then, you'd be kind enough to allow us to search your space for them. We'd only be here about a day--."

The alien glowered. "No! You are to turn your ship around, there will be no compromise!" He disappeared from the screen and the bridge crew all looked around perplexed at one another. Tuvok reported that the tiny scout ship was in retreat.

Janeway glared at the blank screen, straightening her uniform. "Tom, hold our position here," she ordered the young man. Tapping at her combadge she requested that Neelix join her in her ready room. And before anyone could ask her what she had in mind, the woman disappeared back into her private sanctuary and was gone.

* * *

"The woman is insane!" Neelix sputtered as he entered Kes' quarters after meeting for an hour with Kathryn Janeway in her ready room about the Rupor. "No one attempts to travel through Rupor space! No one!"

"But if Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett are in trouble, it maybe her only choice," Kes replied, softly, trying to use her tone of voice to sooth him and calm him down. She had to admit she knew very little about other species outside of her own and the Kazon, so she had to take what Neelix said seriously. "Wouldn't you want her to do the same for you?"

Neelix looked speechless for a moment, but then stuttered, "Well yes. But that's not the point, Kes. The Rupor are fanatical when it comes to outsiders entering their space. If the Commander and Counselor crossed into their space even for the slightest second, they would have pursued them, and quite possibly shot them down."

"But they didn't attack _Voyager,_" Kes pointed out. "Maybe Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett's shuttle didn't pass through their space at all."

"They didn't fire on us because _Voyager _packs a bigger punch than a shuttle. A Rupor scout ship would never have fired on _Voyager," _Neelix replied. " Smaller crafts, that a different story. They offer for you to surrender and if you don't, they shoot you down. They gave Captain Janeway their warning and are no doubt sending a warship to deal with us."

Kes got off her bed and went to place a hand on his shoulder. "Neelix we just have to trust the Captain's judgment."

"I know," he grumbled. "But sometimes that woman is more trouble than she's worth."

Kes rubbed his shoulder and smiled. "Would you rather be stuck trying to make a living in a debris field?"

"No," he answered. "I guess the fact that she has allowed us to journey with them is a redeeming quality. But if we survive traveling through Rupor space, we'll be lucky." The ship lurched suddenly with weapon's fire and red alert was immediately activated. "It seems that the Rupor have already showed their displeasure in our presence here," Neelix told her. "I wouldn't be surprised if this ship is destroyed within the hour."

* * *

"Return fire!" Kathryn Janeway bellowed from her command chair, as conduits and consoles sparked around her. "Mister Paris, evasive maneuvers."

She had expected to be confronted by the Rupor, since she was after all ignoring their request not to travel in their space, and from what Neelix had told her, they were not friendly to outsiders. But they had traced Chakotay and Sarah's ion trail this far and she was not about to give up searching for them. What she had not expected was the ferocity and quickness of the Rupor attack.

"Shields are down to seventy-three percent," Tuvok reported.

"I'm detecting hull breaches on decks four and five, repair teams are on them," Kim said through the shaking of the ship under constant bombardment.

Janeway ran a hand over her face and then with a determined stare, stood up. "Tuvok, target their weapon's array, and fire two photon torpedoes."

"Aye, Captain."

She watched on the view screen as the torpedoes made their way through space and hit the alien vessel square on. She held her breath for a moment, praying that they had disabled their ship. And then, let it out as Tuvok reported that they had indeed taken the alien's weapons off line. "Mister Paris, get us out of here, warp seven, following the shuttle's ion trail. I have a feeling that the Rupor are going to be back and they're going to come with reinforcements."

"Yes ma'am, setting course zero one five mark nine, warp seven," Paris echoed, fingers running over the conn.

"Engage."

"Captain," Neelix's voice said, not to Janeway's surprise. "Can I have a word with you?"

Janeway kicked a piece of debris away from the command station. "I'm a little busy right now, Neelix." With an audible sigh, she turned to face her Talaxian guide. "I have repairs to make, officers to find, and aliens to keep from tearing my ship apart. But…I suppose I could squeeze you in."

"It's just that, the Rupor, they'll come back," Neelix said.

"I figured as much."

"No you don't understand," Neelix rasped. "They were just testing your capabilities. Now that they see you can disable one of their ships, they'll come back with even more and won't stop pursuing you until you're either out of their space or destroyed."

"I'm not leaving my people behind, Mister Neelix," Janeway snapped, eyes narrowing on him.

"Your people are most likely dead," Neelix retorted. "They wouldn't have given that tiny shuttle the chances they are giving your starship. Chances are a scout ship has blasted them out of the sky."

"Captain," Kim's voice said, strained, from ops. "I've traced the ion trail to a Class L planetoid, three light years from here. I'm also picking up traces of ignited plasma in the planet's atmosphere and some debris." He put the image on screen and immediately the bridge crew could see that it was part of a nacelle.

Janeway felt bile rising in her throat. "What about weapon's residue?"

"I'm picking up two signatures, one is Federation, the other Rupor," Tuvok answered, stoically.

_Bastards, _Janeway thought, angrily. "Any sign of the shuttle?"

"Negative, Captain."

The news wasn't about to stop her though. "Maintain course, Mister Paris. I'm not about to give them up for dead, not yet. The Rupor can go to hell for all I care."

"Captain, I'm picking up an automated distress call," Kim said. "It's on a Starfleet emergency signal. It's badly damaged, it's going to take a couple of minutes to clean it up."

"Do it, Mister Kim."

A few moments later he had cleaned it up as best he could. The message was distorted and faint, but Sarah Barrett's voice came through loud and clear to everyone on that bridge. "_Voyager, we're under attack, repeat we're under attack. We had to land on an L Class planetoid. We need assistance. Our systems are heavily damaged, again we are in need of assistance." _ The message ended and Janeway felt her heart sink lower into her chest.

"Mister Paris how long until we reach the planetoid?"

"At our current speed, I would estimate forty minutes ma'am," Paris reported.

"Captain," Tuvok said, "long range sensors have picked up a Rupor fleet moving in to intercept us. I estimate that they will do so in forty-five minutes."

"Well that doesn't leave us much time then," Janeway said.

"Time to do what?" Neelix asked.

"Get to the planet, get our people, and get the hell out of Rupor space."

* * *

"Rise and shine, Lieutenant," Chakotay's voice stirred her from a light slumber. "We've survived our first night."

Sarah Barrett opened her eyes to see Chakotay standing over her, holding a medical tricorder in his hand and running the hand scanner over her body. "Anything from _Voyager_ yet?" she asked, noticing a burning sensation in her lungs. _That can't be good_, she thought, arching her back slightly, trying to find a comfortable position. The movement only made her lungs burn more.

"Not yet, but I'm sure they're on their way," Chakotay answered her with a shake of his head. He put the tricorder away and looked at her grimly. "I'm afraid your injured lung is filing with fluid, you've contracted an infection. I've given you something to stall its progress, but until we can get you the proper medical treatment, I'm afraid that your lung will continue to fill and the infection will spread."

"It's okay," she said, trying to sound positive. "_Voyager _will find us soon. Captain Janeway won't rest until she does."

That much he knew, he had seen her loyalty to members of her crew while spending five days with the woman trying to locate Harry Kim and B'Elanna Torres after they had been abducted by the Caretaker. The thought of Janeway's loyalty comforted him. "Are you hungry?" he asked the counselor. "We've got fresh ration bars for breakfast this morning."

"Sounds delicious," she replied, sarcastically as he handed her a ration bar. "But I guess it's better than nothing." She munched on the ration bar for a few seconds, watching as he carefully lowered his body back down onto the floor of the shuttle and gazed out of the open hatch. "At least the view is nice."

Chakotay nodded his head, resting his hands on his knees. He had watched the sunrise over the mountains that morning, half hoping to see _Voyager _in the distance, swooping into a low orbit to search for them. However, he couldn't be sure that Captain Janeway knew that they were in trouble or missing from the diplomatic mission on Karva. Letting out a frustrated breath of air, he nudged the stones he had warmed the night before with phaser fire, long ago burnt out.

"Something on your mind, Commander?"

He looked at her, dark eyes studying her face. "Yesterday, when we talked, you told me about your father, the pressure to live up to his Starfleet standards, what about your mother? You only spoke of her that one time, in the shuttle before it crashed, that she was killed at Wolf 359."

Sarah fidgeted nervously. "Well, my mother and I weren't particularly close. I mean, yes I grieved for her after her death, but it didn't devastate me like losing my father did. What about yours?"

"Still alive, but always trying to talk me out the Federation and then the Maquis," he replied, with a small smile.

"My parents couldn't push into the Academy fast enough," Sarah said. "Especially when my brother decided against a career in Starfleet, the pressure to be their little Starfleet darling was even greater."

"You're brother must be worried about you now, with _Voyager _missing," Chakotay ventured.

She scoffed. "Luke? No way, after my father died he ripped me apart for not being there for the funeral, that Starfleet was the reason our parents were both dead at young ages and that I was only going to end up like them if I didn't leave. Of course I couldn't just up and leave, I had my work on the Borg to complete and Starfleet had already asked me to infiltrate a growing group of terrorists who were calling themselves the Maquis."

He chuckled, "We could have known each other sooner."

"Well, no, I never went on that mission," she replied softly. "After Luke basically told me that everything in Starfleet disgusted him, including me, I ran into some narcotics dealer on some deep space station, and thus began my battle with drugs. He pushed away further from me when he learned I had been arrested and was being court martial. I haven't talked to him, well, it's been almost two years now."

"He never came to visit you in rehab?"

"I never told him I was in rehab. As far as he's concerned I'm serving my time at Auckland."

"He must know by now you aren't at Auckland. I'm sure Starfleet would have informed friends and family that _Voyager _had disappeared," Chakotay mused.

Sarah shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure it would change a thing. He always told me that Starfleet was going to kill me one day." She laughed then, looking down at her blanket covered legs. "I guess he was right, look at me now; hanging on to dear life on some barren planet in uncharted space."

He gave her hand a reassuring pat. "You said yourself that Captain Janeway won't rest until she finds us."

"Yeah, you're right I did," she said. "What about you Commander, if the situation were reversed and you were in command, looking for the captain, would you not rest until you'd found her?"

It was an odd question, but one he knew she had to ask, to see where his loyalty lay. "Three weeks ago if you had asked me that question, I would have said, no, because the thought of joining Starfleet again was the furtherest thought from my mind, let alone being forced to serve on a Federation vessel. But, today, after all that has happened in the past three weeks, the Kazon, the Caretaker, quantum singularities; yes, I wouldn't rest until I was certain of her demise or otherwise found her."

"Even though she's Starfleet, through and through?"

"She maybe Starfleet, but she's my captain now," Chakotay answered her, tensely. "Have I given you any reason to doubt that?"

Sarah shook her head, the lose pieces of coffee hair falling in her eyes. "No," she whispered. "I'm sorry, Commander. I shouldn't be questioning you like this."

Chakotay felt immediate remorse. "No, I should be the one apologizing. I suppose my loyalty being questioned is still a sore spot, probably will be for a while." He saw her wince in pain, as she tried shifting about to get in a more comfortable position. He reached for a hypospray. "Speaking of sore spots, here's something for the pain again." Pressing the hypospray to the fleshy part of her neck, he asked, "How are you holding up?"

Sarah fell back on the makeshift pillow he had created for her using his uniform tunic and an extra blanket. "I've felt better, that's for sure."

Chakotay stood, getting her a glass of water and noticing that their supply was going down. "Here, take this. I'm going to go get some more snow so we can melt it down again."

"Keep an open comline like usual?" she guessed, drinking the water.

He grinned at her. "Of course, there's still so much that I want to learn about Sarah Barrett."

"Oh, but we were just getting to the fun part; learning all of your dark secrets," she snapped back playfully.

He laughed, gathered up the storage containers and once again trudged out into the rocky terrain to find their only source of water, snow in the higher elevations.

* * *

Usually she spent lunchtime with the children, but duty called that mid afternoon. Instead, Kathryn Janeway replicated a pot of coffee and some finger sandwiches to nibble on while _Voyager _cruised closer to the planet they believed Chakotay and Sarah's shuttle had landed on. Since they first traced the shuttle to the planetoid and found debris and weapon's residue on long range sensors, Kathryn had felt a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. Neelix had mentioned the Rupor were relentless when it came to outsiders in their space.

_Voyager _had already had one brush with them and she was sure that the ship would not be able to withstand another attack. They might have been able to disable the warship that had come to greet them, but _Voyager _had sustained heavy damage as well, seeing how many of her systems had been under going repairs in the first place. _Voyager _would not survive another attack by the Rupor. She was faced with a frightening choice; if the Rupor attacked again before they reached the planet, for there were no guarantees that the fleet Tuvok had picked up would be the first to intercept them, she would have to either turn the ship around and retreat into friendly space, leaving behind Chakotay and Sarah to die; or she would have to press onward to save her people, thus writing all of their death sentences.

There was no easy answer and she wished that her counselor was there to help her sort through the fog.

Kathryn leaned forward to pick up a finger sandwich off the plate, which was resting on her round coffee table. As she did so she felt something cold brush against her neck and she instinctively reached underneath her undershirt and pulled out a gold chain. On the end was her engagement ring, a simple gold band with a sparkling aquamarine gem in the middle. Welded to the engagement ring was her wedding band. She had taken the rings off her finger when she had gone back to active duty, after Ava's birth. Even though her marriage had ended, by the tragic death of her husband, she was not ready to part with the rings yet, so she had purchased a gold chain at some starbase, and thus started wearing them around her neck, hidden underneath her uniform. Running her fingers over the cool metal she felt tears press her eyes. _I'm in over my head, Bryan. I wish you were here to give me the answers that I'm seeking. _

She could almost hear his soft voice telling her that she would figure it out, his gray eyes smiling at her, how his arms had felt so sheltering when she felt out of control. She hated being out of control, hated having control taking away from her, like it was now with the Rupor breathing down her neck. _Bryan I can't do this, I just can't. _

_But you can, Kathryn, you can, _she could hear him speaking in her head, or at least what she imagined he would say to her. Bryan had often told her that he had never met a stronger woman than her; it was one of the things he loved about her, her resolve. It was the first thing he had said to her when he proposed to her.

Suddenly she was overtaken with emotion and shoved the necklace back underneath her tunic, trying desperately to fight her tears. _I will not cry, I cannot cry, not now, not when I have crewmen to rescue._

_Voyager _shook with weapons fire and red alert came on. Tuvok's voice could be heard over the comlink, "_Captain Janeway report to the bridge."_

Burying all the emotions deep down inside of her, Kathryn stepped out onto the bridge, asking Tuvok for a report. The Vulcan brought his dark eyes up to hers and she could see them flicker to the view screen. Following his gaze, as he rattled off his report that Rupor warships had come in undetected by their sensors and proceeded to open fire on them, she could see three large warships, sleek in design and packing a deadly punch.

"We barely had enough time to raise our shields, Captain," Tuvok said, finishing his report.

"Hail them," Janeway ordered, still hoping for a diplomatic solution. Tuvok told her the channel was open. "This is Captain Janeway, we mean you no harm, we're simply trying to find our people."

"They are not responding, Captain," Tuvok reported.

"Return fire!"

"Firing phasers," Tuvok said. "They had no effect Captain."

_Voyager _groaned with another hit, and Janeway had to grip the railing near tactical to stay on her feet. Someone was yelling that their hull was losing integrity and then Paris was yelling that they were losing warp drive.

Janeway felt like the walls of the bridge were closing in around her as the Rupor continued to fire. Consoles were exploding, their shields were failing, and causalities were being reported all over the ship. If she stayed in Rupor space she risked losing more than just Chakotay and Sarah, she risked losing her entire crew, her children. Swallowing the bile that had risen in her throat, she turned to Paris. "Do we have enough power to the warp drive to get us out of here, Mister Paris?"

"Yes ma'am," Paris answered, blue eyes studying her face.

"Set a course out of Rupor space, maximum warp," Janeway instructed a tone of dread in her voice.

"Aye, captain."

Janeway felt the ship lurch with the new course, the walls seemingly getting smaller and smaller the further they moved away from the space that Chakotay and Sarah were trapped in. _I've abandoned them, _she thought miserably. _No captain should abandon her crew, should not leave them behind. I'll be damned if these aliens bully me into leaving my people to die._

"The Rupor are not pursuing, Captain," Kim said, and then in a soft voice asked, "Does this mean we're giving up the rescue attempt?"

The Captain spun on her heel, tears threatening to escape her eyes, and Kim could see the fire smoldering in them. "No Ensign, they may have us back on our heels, but I refuse to give up trying to rescue Commander Chakotay and Lieutenant Barrett. Contact the Karvaian Prime Minister, maybe they can help us."

* * *


	18. Chapter 18

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: Cleaned up this chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

The Karvaian Prime Minister, Ayrel, was a tall, lanky man with pale skin, deep nasal ridges, and long, jet black hair, tied back at the nape of his neck. He wore long crimson robes made out of a material that looked like cotton, but felt like silk to the touch. Kathryn Janeway couldn't help but notice that his large presence also made the spaces usually occupied by Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett seem non existent.

When they had emerged from Rupor space, Janeway had ordered to rendezvous with a Karvaian vessel that would bring the Prime Minister to her so they could meet. It had taken _Voyager_ three hours to meet up with the slower Karvaian vessel. She had skipped the pleasantries when Ayrel had transported to _Voyager_ and brought him to the briefing room, where the senior staff, or what remained of them, were gathered at the table.

"Is it your custom, Captain, to have this many people present for a treaty negotiation?" Ayrel asked her, his black eyes scanning the room.

"Sometimes," Janeway answered, simply. "But we're not here to discuss the treaty, we're here to discuss the Rupor, and you know that." She gestured toward an empty seat. "Please, why don't you have a seat Prime Minister."

Cautiously Ayrel took his seat at the opposite end of Janeway. "To be honest with you Captain, I'm not sure I'm going to be much help. My people have sworn off dealing with the Rupor; they are ruthless warriors who will stop at nothing to keep outsiders out. So, we stay out of their space and they stay out of ours."

Janeway raised an eyebrow in a gesture that was eerily Tuvok. "You mean to tell me that you've known about the Rupor and what they are capable of?"

A look of guilt washed over the Prime Minister's face. "Well, yes, I suppose."

"And you failed to tell me or my diplomatic party the dangers of crossing out of Karvaian space?" Janeway questioned, her voice laced with controlled anger. "We tracked our shuttle to the surface of a planetoid. Unfortunately, the Rupor swarmed us and we had to retreat back into...friendlier space. My officers, if they aren't dead already, are not going to survive much longer out there, which means we have to act fast."

"I'm truly sorry about your loss-,"

"I don't think you quite understand, Prime Minister," Janeway interrupted. "It's not my people's way to leave officers behind. And I want you to know that I will exhaust every last possibility to rescue them. Your help would be greatly appreciated."

Ayrel looked around the group, noticing the same determined look in their eyes. He had never encountered such devotion and loyalty in the Delta Quadrant, and it prompted him to divulge a bit of information to their leader. "Several years ago one of our transport vessels had to alter course to avoid an ion storm, it lead them into Rupor space. They took refuge in a nebula until they came up with a way to modify their shields so the Rupor could not detect them. In effect it cloaked them. I would be willing to have my engineers beam over and help your people make the same modifications to _Voyager_."

A smile spread across Janeway's face. "Thank you Prime Minister, that would be wonderful."

Ayrel gave her a small nod of his head. "I'll send a team over right away. Hopefully you can be underway by morning."

_By morning?_ Janeway thought, miserably. She had hoped to be underway a lot sooner than that.

"Is there anyway we could have the modifications done before then?" Tuvok asked. "Captain Janeway was correct when she said our people have very little time. We would like to be on our way as quickly as possible."

"Commander Tuvok's right," Harry Kim spoke up. "The sooner we get the modifications up and running, the sooner we can head back to the planetoid and find our missing people."

"I can pull people off of repairs if I have too," B'Elanna Torres said, "if it means the modifications can be done faster."

"We could also do them in route to the planetoid," Tom Paris suggested. "If we travel at maximum warp we could be back there by twenty three hundred hours."

_Chakotay, I wish you were here to see them working together like this_, Janeway mused, with a sense of pride running through her veins at her how her senior officers were sticking up for each other and working together.

The Prime Minister looked her gravely in her eyes. "I'm afraid, Captain Janeway, that tomorrow morning is the best I can offer you. The modifications are extremely complex; they have to be since you are trying to hide from the Rupor." His dark eyes became sad, "I'm sorry, I know that this must be difficult for you and your crew."

_More than you know_, Janeway thought, coldly. "Well then, let's not waste anymore time here because time is precious right now. Tuvok, escort the Prime Minister back to the transporter room and await the engineering team. B'Elanna, get your people ready to make the modifications. Harry, I want you to help B'Elanna; Tom, set a course back to Rupor space and come to an all stop just outside their borders. I want to be close by when those modifications come online. Dismissed."

She watched as the senior staff and the Prime Minister left the table, leaving the room and leaving her alone with her thoughts. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she could feel a headache forming behind her right temple. Tomorrow morning seemed so far away. And the prospect of what they could find on that planetoid frightened her.

"_Paris to Janeway, we're ready to get underway ma'am_."

Opening her eyes and standing up, Janeway pushed the chair away from the table and tapped her combadge. "Understood, I'm on my way." With one last look around the briefing room, she stepped out onto the bridge and called in a crisp command voice, "engage Mister Paris."

* * *

When Chakotay returned to "camp" around midday from his trek up the mountain to find water, he was surprised to find two things. One being that Sarah had developed a fever, despite his attempts to stall the infection's progress, the other thing being the sensors were blaring.

"They've been doing that for about five minutes," Sarah muttered. "If I was able to get up I would have checked them."

He had not even realized that the sensors had survived the crash._ They're probably the only thing on this shuttle that _did_ survive the crash_, Chakotay thought. If he had known they were semi-operational, he may have been able to calibrate them to send another signal to _Voyager_. It had nearly been two days and they had heard nothing from Janeway or the others. Putting the storage containers of water down, he went to check what the problem was.

"Is it _Voyager_?"

"No," he swallowed. "An alien ship has just entered orbit, same warp signature as the one that shot us down. I think our friends have found us."

* * *

It felt like it was an eternity that she stood outside the Captain's quarters, nervously holding onto a PADD, contemplating whether or not she should reach out and press the chime. B'Elanna Torres wrung her fingers anxiously about the edges of the PADD and then with a deep breath reached out and pressed the chime. After several seconds, and no response from Janeway, she wondered if the Captain was even in her quarters. But she was sure that she had seen the woman leave the bridge hours before to relieve Tal Celes from baby-sitting duties.

B'Elanna reached out again and pressed the chime. From inside the quarters she heard a slumber filled call come back allowing her access to the room. _Great, I woke her up, _B'Elanna thought as the doors to the Captain's quarters swished open. The older woman looked confused to see her there and raised an eyebrow. "Lieutenant Torres?"

The PADD that the young woman had been holding onto was suddenly thrust into Janeway's hands. "I thought you'd like to see the latest report on the modifications to our shields."

Janeway took the PADD from her and pretended to be reading it over, but in reality was watching as B'Elanna anxiously took in the room, her dark eyes studying every last detail. Setting the PADD away from her face, she said, softly, "You didn't come here to just drop off a PADD; what can I do for you B'Elanna?"

B'Elanna's dark eyes snapped to her face. "I… how did you know?"

The Captain smiled and placed the PADD down onto the coffee table. "I've been in Starfleet long enough B'Elanna, but perhaps, call it mother's intuition."

"Mother's intuition?"

"A lot of people don't realize that being a captain and being a mother are quite similar," Janeway replied, with a gentle smile. "A captain is required to be the guiding force of their crew; a mother is…by nature the guiding force for her children. In that sense a captain always knows when there is something pressing her crew, just a like a mother knows that something is bothering her children. Now, what can I do for you B'Elanna?" she repeated.

It was at that moment that B'Elanna realized how _human _Kathryn Janeway appeared. When she had been forced to live on _Voyager _she had thought of Janeway as nothing but a self-centered, emotionless, Starfleet captain, hell bent on her principles. But right now, with her hair matted from sleeping probably on the chaise lounge where the baby now slept, her blue eyes reflecting exhaustion and worry, and her brow furrowed in concern for B'Elanna, the young Klingon was suddenly aware that she had perhaps misjudged Janeway. "I guess…I guess there are some things that I needed cleared up; you were the most…logical person to come too." _Damn, now I sound like the Vulcan._

"I guess that depends on what you want cleared up," the older woman replied.

"Is it true?" B'Elanna questioned, "That you have no intention of going back to that planetoid to look for Chakotay and Barrett?"

A dark look came over Janeway's face. "Where did you hear that?" she asked, in a seething tone.

"That's the rumor going around the ship," B'Elanna replied, then added, for good measure, "ma'am."

"I don't know what you've been told, Lieutenant, but I am completely committed to getting _my _people back," Janeway responded, with an edge to her voice. "As a senior officer, you should realize that."

"I…you're right, I'm sorry for disturbing you ma'am," B'Elanna said, stepping back towards the door to leave.

An apologetic look came over Janeway's face. "No, B'Elanna, wait, I'm the one who's sorry; for a lot of things. It's been a long couple of days and I'm afraid that my mood is reflecting that."

"If you ask me," B'Elanna said, before leaving, "you shouldn't have to apologize; information was kept from you and now two officers are missing. You've held it together longer than I could have, and quite possibly a lot of other people as well…I should be getting back to those shields, good night Captain."

"Good night, B'Elanna," Janeway whispered watching her chief engineer leave hurriedly through the doors and disappear down the corridor.

"_Paris to Janeway._"

Janeway tapped her combadge. "Go ahead Mister Paris."

"_You wanted to be informed when we reached the Rupor's borders, we're there ma'am,"_ Paris responded, his voice drowning in exhaustion. The entire crew had been putting in double, even triple shifts in order to get the repairs and necessary modifications to the shields done. Tom had been sitting at the helm for nearly twenty four hours.

"Understood, hold our position here, and Tom…," Janeway ordered, "get some rest."

"_Yes ma'am, Paris out._"

Rubbing her eyes, Janeway decided it was probably best to heed her own advice. Snuggling up onto the chaise lounge with Ava, she reached out and pulled the baby close to her, closed her eyes, and drifted back into a fret filled sleep.

* * *

"I don't know how much further I can walk, Chakotay," Sarah mumbled from his side.

They had abandoned the shuttle what felt like hours ago and started the long trek up the mountain so they could make an even longer trek down the other side. But they had been forced to abandon the shuttle. The aliens that had shot them down had entered the system again, no doubt wanting to finish off the job. Chakotay had tried, to the best of his abilities, and using some old Maquis tricks, to make it look like they had died in the crash. Of course, if _Voyager _did indeed come looking for them, they would also think that they were dead.

_We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, _Chakotay thought as he steered Sarah into a cave, lugging the little equipment that he had managed to salvage from the shuttle, with them. Helping the young counselor down to the rocky ground, he shrugged off the med kit and pulled out the tricorder, running the hand scanner over her body. "Your fever's up and it looks like the infection is spreading. We'll make camp here tonight; there isn't much daylight left we won't be able to keep going once the sun goes down. Hopefully our friends took the bait and have left."

"In other words, my fever is the least of our problems," Sarah muttered, exhaustion clearly written on her face. Chakotay immediately felt guilty, perhaps he had pushed her too hard, she was after all seriously injured, on top of fighting an infection, and he had made her hike up a rocky mountain. He could almost here the holographic doctor's protests back on _Voyager._

He gave her one of the blankets. "Let's hope it's our only problem."

"They aren't coming for us," she whispered, her eyes beginning to slip shut.

"Who? The aliens?"

"No, _Voyager._"

"Don't say that, Lieutenant, let's keep a little optimism here," Chakotay said. "That's an order," he added, as an afterthought.

Her eyes snapped open and looked at him, the sharpness long ago dulled out by the infection and fever. "I was taught at the Academy that sometimes, optimism is a lost cause, that as a counselor its best to dish out the reality."

"Well, what do those Academy professors know, any how?"

When there was no response from her Chakotay glanced to his right to see that she had drifted off to sleep. _Its for the best, _he mused, realizing that she was not going to fight the infection while babbling to him, she needed to sleep, to conserve what little strength she had left while they waited to be rescued. _Voyager, where are you? _That thought had haunted him since they had started their trek up the mountain, to get away from the aliens. He had thought Janeway would have been here by now, not letting some hostile race stand in her way. Had _Voyager _suffered the same fate as them? Was the starship nothing but a pile of debris in the middle of space, blown apart by a race that seemed intent on killing everyone that entered their system?

He rubbed a hand over his face, listening to the sounds of Sarah's labored breathing. His first away mission as _Voyager's _first officer was one disaster after another. Who knew that they would be fighting for their lives on some barren planet, seventy thousand light years from home, when they had originally set out on some diplomatic mission for Janeway? Certainly not him; after all diplomatic missions were _usually _peaceful missions.

Of course, nothing seemed to go according to plan out here the Delta Quadrant. Chakotay should have expected a mishap here and there. _Is this what your life has come to Chakotay? Getting stranded on a barren planet with a dying woman is just a mishap?_ Was he so used to tragedy that a situation like this barely fazed him? He wondered when that had happened. Had it been when his father died? The suffering he had endured with the Maquis? Being stranded in the Delta Quadrant away from his family and friends? The shuttle crash? The list seemed to go on and on and he couldn't pinpoint the moment that he had turned his emotions off so tragedies were nothing but mishaps.

In the waning light of day he began to drift off to sleep, unaware that the tricorder was beeping a warning near by.

* * *


	19. Chapter 19

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: Just a repost. Look for new additions in the next post!

* * *

"_Tuvok to Janeway._"

The Vulcan's steady, strong voice cut through her slumber. Kathryn opened her eyes and immediately realized that sleeping on the chaise lounge had been a big mistake; her neck was aching terribly. Sitting up, she rubbed her eyes, and pressed her combadge. "Go ahead, Tuvok."

"_The modifications are complete. We're ready to proceed into Rupor space on your orders, Captain._"

Was it morning already? She felt like she had just laid down and had gotten no sleep at all. Stretching her neck, she told him, "I'm on my way. Hold our position until I get there."

"_Understood, Captain. Tuvok out."_

Kathryn climbed off of the chaise lounge and went into the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face. There would be no time for a shower today; a fresh uniform change, fixing of hair and makeup was all she had time for today. But being a mother she was used to not being able to shower in the morning. _Speaking of the children, where are they? _ Kathryn peeked into the mirror, which gave her a clear view of the living room. Ava had moved from the chaise lounge sometime in the night and was now sprawled out on the sofa. Kathryn had no doubt that Michael was still sleeping peacefully in his room.

_That won't last for long; I better take advantage of it. _

She quickly slipped out of the rumpled uniform that she had slept in, pulled on a fresh one, and shook her hair out, reaching for her brush. As she did so she heard the doors to the living room swish open and she smiled. "Morning, Tal."

The young Bajoran's face appeared in the mirror, watching as Janeway did her hair. "Good morning, Captain. Are the children still in bed?" A frustrated cry from the sofa indicated that Ava was no longer asleep. "I'll get her, Captain. Keep getting ready."

Kathryn watched in the mirror as Tal picked Ava off of the sofa and went to the dining area, picking out some ration pack that was suitable for children. _After we retrieve Chakotay and Sarah, those damn replicators are getting fixed. _ Pinning the last bit of hair back into her bun, Kathryn touched up her make up, splashed on some perfume that had been her husband's favorite, and went out into the living room. A sleepy-eyed Michael had joined Tal and Ava at the table, and both children were looking at the ration packs pensively. Tal was telling them, quite animatedly, to just pretend that the ration packs were in fact, the best thing they had ever tasted before.

"The best thing Ava's ever tasted is that goopy cereal Mama gives her," Michael said, moving his fork about the dehydrated food. "I don't think this game is going to work, Tal."

"Oh come on," Tal interjected. "I did it this morning."

Michael looked up at his mother, pleading in his eyes. "Mama, do I really have to eat this?"

"I'm afraid honey, until the replicators are fixed, you do," Kathryn replied, leaning down to kiss the top of his dark hair. "I'll see you later."

She ruffled Ava's hair on the way out of the quarters and proceeded to the turbo lift. In a few short hours the nightmare of the past two days could be all over, she didn't know why that wasn't making her feel any better. Perhaps she was afraid of what they were going to find once they got back to that planetoid. Ensign Kim's long range sensor reports indicated that it was Class L, not the best place to try and survive for a few days while waiting to be rescued.

When the doors to the bridge swished open, Kvati, the engineer that had been assigned to lead the team modifying _Voyager's _shields greeted her, " Good morning, Captain Janeway, like we promised the modifications are complete. _Voyager _should be able to pass through Rupor space undetected for several hours."

Kathryn nodded her head in appreciation as she made her way to the command station. "Mister Paris, how far are we from the planetoid we tracked the shuttle too?"

"If we travel at warp six we could be there in two hours," Tom answered, sounding much more rested than the night before. "If we travel any faster than that we risk interfering with the shield modifications and being detected by our friends."

The Captain set her jaw. _Two hours, it could all be over in two hours. _"Mister Paris, set a course for the planetoid, warp six."

"Aye, Captain."

* * *

Harry Kim had been in engineering, helping B'Elanna maintain the constant change of shield variances to keep them hidden from the Rupor, when Captain Janeway had summoned him to the transporter room. Grabbing a tricorder and a phaser before he left, he told B'Elanna to wish them luck. She had responded that Klingons don't believe in luck, but offered it to him anyways.

He found Janeway already standing on the transporter pad, her own tricorder and phaser in her belt, Tuvok was standing with her. Harry bounded up onto the transporter pad, on the other side of the Captain, and she gave the transporter chief a small nod of her head. Soon he felt the familiar sensation of being broken down to the very last atom in his body. It tingled; he always had loved how it made him feel, like he was free to go anywhere he pleased.

A rocky and barren landscape soon materialized before him. Harry looked about, reaching for his tricorder and pulling it out of his belt. Opening it up he noticed a deep path cut through the rock and his tricorder was picking up traces of plasma and other alloys that were common in Starfleet vessels and shuttlecrafts. He swallowed, they had transported directly to the crash sight. "Captain, I'm not picking up any life signs," he said softly, his dark eyes searching the face of his commanding officer. Her deep blue eyes were conveying a deep sorrow, one that Harry had not seen in her before. She was on the verge of tears, he was sure of it, and he felt a strong urge to comfort her. But there were no comforting words, for he was in just as much pain.

"It's quite possible, Captain, that Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett abandoned the shuttle to look for supplies and a place to set up camp," Tuvok reasoned, breaking the silence. "We should have _Voyager _do a planet wide sweep for human life signs."

Janeway's only response was a curt nod of her head. She motioned for Harry to follow her while Tuvok made the arrangements with _Voyager _to scan the area for Chakotay and Sarah.

Harry walked a few meters with her before they came across the shuttle, crumpled against the cavern's walls. His heart sank at the sight. _What are the chances that anyone could survive a crash like this? _

Janeway was picking her way through the open hatch, stepping over debris, scanning the area. Harry watched as her eyes took in the charred inner cabin, the smell of burnt plasma lingering in the chilled air. Suddenly she stopped and leaned down, brushing aside some ash to pick something up. When she straightened her form Harry could clearly see what she held in the palm of her hand; two Starfleet issued combadges. The sound of Tuvok approaching, his boots walking across the stone ground could be heard echoing off the walls, while Janeway ran her fingers absentmindedly over the two mangled badges.

"_Voyager _is scanning the area now, Captain," Tuvok stated, his eyes falling on the badges. The silence lingered, awkwardly, between the three officers.

And suddenly, Janeway's fingers closed in around the combadges, her eyes snapping up to meet Tuvok's. There was fire burning in them, Harry realized, the trace of the pain and sadness gone, replaced with a fury that was nothing like he had ever seen. "Get another team down here to search the area. Harry and I are going to go through this mess and see if we can piece together what, exactly happened."

With a nod of his head, Tuvok disappeared from the shuttle.

"Let's get to it, Ensign," Janeway said, turning about, venturing deeper into the destroyed shuttle.

Harry found that he had yet to learn how to bury his emotions like Janeway could and focus on the task at hand. His mind kept wandering to Sarah, how she had been becoming his friend, and now was added to the list of losses that _Voyager _had endured in just the three short weeks that they had been stranded out in the Delta Quadrant. Was this something that Janeway had learned over time, how to bury emotions? Was it the outcome of years in Starfleet? Or was it just a personality trait? Either way, Harry wished that he had the ability.

"Odd," Janeway's voice brought him out of his ponderings. He ventured into the shuttle to where she was standing, scanning the walls with her tricorder. "These conduits didn't explode because of the crash; they exploded because someone fired a Starfleet issued phaser at them to apparently catch the cabin on fire."

"So, the combadges were accidentally left behind?"

Janeway shook her head. "No, I think the combadges were left there as a ruse, to make the Rupor think the occupants in the shuttle had perished." She leaned down and started to scan the area where she had found the two badges. "Normally, there would be traces of human DNA, but I'm not picking any up where the badges where, meaning that Chakotay and Sarah weren't there when the conduits exploded."

Harry, feeling a new sense of hope, began to scan the rest of the cabin. Maybe the Commander and Counselor had survived this crash after all. Then his tricorder beeped, and he frowned, turning about to Janeway. "Captain, I think you should see this."

She picked her way through the ash towards him and began to scan the area that Harry was standing in front. With a frown she tapped her combadge. "Janeway to sickbay. Doctor, I'm sending up a piece of debris of the crash sight. I want you to confirm that it has either Commander Chakotay's or Counselor Barrett's DNA on it."

"_Understood Captain," _the Doctor's voice came over the comline. "_I'll be ready for it._"

Janeway took her tricorder and placed it on the piece of charred conduit that Harry had been scanning. She tapped her combadge again. "Voyager, lock onto my tricorder and beam it, along with the piece of conduit, directly to sickbay."

Harry heard someone answer, but his eyes were transfixed on the piece of conduit that disappeared in the transporter beam. It wouldn't take the Doctor long to determine if the traces of blood he had found on the debris were Chakotay's or Sarah's, and that would confirm, without a doubt that the Commander and Counselor had died in the crash, or been hunted down later. He felt something like a burning hatred swelling in his heart. The Rupor had murdered two officers, in cold blood. He didn't care if they had violated the aliens' twisted sense of authority. If Chakotay had been given the chance he surely would have retreated from Rupor space.

But the Commander apparently had not been given the chance. Him and Sarah had been shot down, tearing a path through thick rock until their shuttle came to a crumpled stop. If they had managed to even survive that crash, the Rupor must have gone after them, to finish the job. It didn't seem like them to just leave well enough alone.

Had their last few moments been terrifying? Painful? Or had they gone quickly? Harry prayed for the latter. He hated to think of his fellow officers, one whom he considered a friend, suffering a gruesome death.

"_Tuvok to Janeway, Captain we've found something, it appears to be boot tracks leading up the mountain_. _Permission to continue?_"

"Permission granted," Janeway answered, motioning for Harry to leave the shuttle with her. "Ensign Kim and I are transporting back to _Voyager. _Keep me informed, Commander, on your progress. Janeway out."

* * *

"The traces of blood on the conduit definitely belong to Counselor Barrett," the Doctor informed Janeway upon her return to _Voyager. _"But I can't tell you if she died in that shuttle or not."

Janeway rubbed her temples for a moment. "We didn't find any other traces of DNA, just one area with her blood. It could mean that they managed to get out of the shuttle before the conduits blew, or they made it look like the conduits had blown so the Rupor wouldn't come after them. Everything is up in the air right now Doctor."

"I wish I had more to tell you Captain."

The woman let out a frustrated sigh. It had been nearly thirty minutes since she had transported back to _Voyager. _She had heard nothing from Tuvok and the rescue team down on the planet's surface, and the Doctor's news wasn't what she had hoped to hear. "I'm going to assume that they're alive until otherwise notified, Doctor. I want you to be ready for causalities; who knows what kind of state we're going to find them in. The shuttle was a mess and after being stranded on a barren planet for two days their conditions may not be the best."

"Aye Captain," the Doctor replied. "I'll be ready."

"I'll be on the bridge," Janeway stated, making a quick exit out of sickbay and heading for the turbo lift. As she made her way to the safe, warm confines of the bridge, she had no way of knowing that her officers were fighting, at that moment, for their very lives.

* * *

The game of cat and mouse had been going on since Sarah had shaken him awake at dusk the previous day. Apparently their _friends _hadn't fallen for the destruction he had inflicted on the cabin to make it look like it had exploded in the crash. Chakotay had been forced to leave everything, but a tricorder, a canteen of water, and a blanket for Sarah, behind, and the two had left the tiny cave they had sought to seek shelter in. Now they were being stalked like prey, through the rocky terrain.

Chakotay hadn't actually seen the aliens, but he knew that they were there, the tricorder kept warning them of the life forms approaching. And every hour they seemed to gain on them. Sarah was loosing strength minute by minute, if she had even had any to begin with. For him, hypothermia had set in late that night as they braved the high winds at the peak of the mountain. Even the sunlight of the next day was doing very little to warm him up. If they didn't find a place to take shelter in that night, he was certain that they both were going to die out here. It didn't matter if _Voyager _was coming for them or not, they wouldn't survive long enough to see their crewmates.

"Chakotay, please," Sarah pleaded. "I need to stop. The pain…it hurts."

He shook his head, stubborn, determined to carry onward, even if his own legs were starting to give out. "We can't stop. Just grit your teeth and bear it. I promise, once we're back on _Voyager _I'll give you light duty shifts, but until then, just keep moving."

There was a tiny groan of protest, but she didn't say anything else. She probably didn't have the strength too. Since abandoning the shuttle the night before she had taken no medication to quell the pain or to stall the infection, both were running rampant through her body and here he was dragging her around over rough ground. _I'm not making my case for First Officer of the Year, here, _Chakotay thought with mild amusement, if there could be anything amusing about their current situation.

Sarah suddenly stumbled, taking Chakotay with her. "I…can't…Chakotay. I just can't…"

He felt a great weight tugging at his arm as Sarah sank to the ground. He was pulled down to his knees. For a moment he sat there, watching her as she stared up at the sky that was extremely reminiscent of her eyes.

"My father always made us lay out on cliffs to watch the clouds and stars when we were little. He liked to drag us on camping trip after camping trip; I hated every moment of it," she suddenly muttered. "Funny how the last thing I'm going to do is watch the sky."

Chakotay leaned over her and grasped onto her shoulders. "Don't you do this to me now! You're not through just yet, not if I have anything to say about it!"

She shook her head. "What's the point, Chakotay? Those aliens are only going to kill us. Let's consider it doing them a favor by dying before they get the chance."

"You are not going to die! Not when we've come this far!" Chakotay sucked in a large breath of air and tried to pull her back to her feet, but she was dead weight and he had very little strength left. With a huff he fell back onto his behind, the canteen rolling away from him, the tricorder smashing against the rock. He watched as Sarah's thick eyelashes soon closed over her eyes. It would only be a matter of time before she gave out, and he knew, that he wasn't going to be far behind her.

* * *


	20. Chapter 20

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: I'm sorry this has taken so long. Real life has unfortunately gotten in the way of writing. I plan on reposting all my old chapters as quickly as possible, but probably not with as many new additions. Enjoy!

* * *

At some point Sarah must have regained consciousness because Chakotay could hear her mumbling some song next to him. He didn't brother to tell her that the lyrics were wrong, because, quite frankly at this point he didn't care anymore.

They were lying on a ledge of rock, waiting; waiting for the aliens to finally catch up with them, waiting for _Voyager, _waiting to die; just waiting. He didn't know how much further the aliens had to go to reach them; the tricorder had broken moments before and was no longer working. But that didn't even bother him anymore. He had just lost the will to keep going. Exhaustion and depression had set in and there just didn't seem to be a point to keep fighting. _Voyager _wasn't coming for them. They were going to die on this god-forsaken planet, light-years from home. And the sad thing was no one back home would know about it. _Correct that_, he thought, they would know that they were dead, because he was sure that the Federation had declared the ship lost, along with all her crew, the victims of the plasma storms in the Badlands. But they wouldn't know_ how_ they died.

Chakotay wasn't even sure if _Voyager _would know how they died. _If Voyager survived this hostile part of space. _

If _Voyager _was gone, he wondered, who would mourn them? Who would give them the proper burial according to their beliefs, their wishes? Were their bodies doomed to rot on this ledge? On this mountain that had been their own personal hell for the past three days?

_Has it only been three days? It feels like its been three decades, _he thought numbly. _You always thought you'd die a cynical old man, well you've got the cynical down at least. _

A cold, stiff wind blew, and Chakotay felt the hairs on the back of his neck stick up. He turned his head slightly and his eyes fell on Sarah, lying in the same position as she was since they had both collapsed here. Staring up at the sky, streaked with puffy white clouds, he suddenly felt the biggest urge to get up and move. He didn't know where this new found strength was coming from; he just knew he had to get them both up.

* * *

"Captain, we've got company," Harry Kim said, nervously from operations. "I'm picking up a Rupor vessel orbiting the other side of the planet."

"Any indication that they've detected us?" Kathryn Janeway asked, rising from her seat and turning about to look at her young ensign.

He shook his head. "Not yet, but the sensor sweep has picked up several Rupor on the surface below, along with the away team. Commander Tuvok isn't far from their position, if they don't know we're here by now, they will soon."

_Damn it, _Kathryn thought miserably. Tuvok had yet to report in on his findings and the longer they waited around, the more of risk they were taking of being detected by the Rupor ship holding position on the other side of the planet. At least the shield modifications had held out this long. If they could just get their people back in the next few minutes then she could order Tom to set a course out of Rupor space forever. "Harry keep an eye on that ship. If it makes the slightest advance towards us, beam the away team back to _Voyager_. Tom, be ready to get us out of here on short notice."

Tom's eyes flickered up to hers. "And if we don't have Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett?"

She swallowed her emotions. "Then will just have to count our losses."

The young pilot's face relayed shock for a brief second before he turned back to the helm and muttered that he had already plotted a course out of the system, he was just awaiting Janeway's orders.

Kathryn hated how the choice to leave officers behind was killing her crew, but what choice did they have? _Sometimes you have to sacrifice the few to save the many, _that had been ingrained in her during command school. There were other lives at stake here on _Voyager _and if they stayed here too long, those lives could be lost as well. Sometimes you had to take the blow in the chin and move on.

"Captain," Harry's voice sounded jubilant. "I think…I think I've located the Commander and Counselor."

* * *

The second attempt to get her off the ledge had been more successful. Sarah, even though didn't want to get up, had managed to shift her weight enough so it would be easier for Chakotay to get her of off the ledge. _Why can't he just let this be the end? Why is he so determined to get us down this mountain when we're just going to die anyways? _

Her depressing thoughts worried her. She was supposed to be a counselor and here she was just giving up. _Like the last time, when Daddy died. You gave up then, by taking the drugs, you're giving up now by just wanting it to end. _Sarah wished she knew how to cope, how to keep going like Chakotay was doing at that very moment. But she couldn't understand how or why. Even after all the classes she had taken at the Academy, she still couldn't understand how people moved on when tragedy hit them.

Her mother had wanted her to become a doctor, but Sarah, not particularly close to her mother, had chosen the path of psychology instead. Sarah was sure that her mother would have scoffed at the idea of her heading up the psychology team to study the Borg. _Why would anyone want to study those monsters? _That would have been what her mother had said if she had been alive when Sarah took the assignment. Of course she had told Chakotay that it had been her mother's death that had prompted her to get involved, but that hadn't been the entire truth. Since she was a child she had been fascinated in other cultures, especially the ones that were hostile. She was interested in what made those species the way they were.

It had been her advisor at the Academy that suggested she be a counselor. _God only knows why, _Sarah thought bluntly. She had been all of seventeen then, naïve and vulnerable. Commander Fletcher, the first officer on the _Explorer _had always spoken highly of her counseling skills, however. He had advocated for her passionately when she had been arrested and relieved of duty. But really, what good was she when she couldn't figure out her own problems?

_Chakotay, I can't…I just can't. _

Finally, her physical state won out over his mental state, and she collapsed, silently to the rock once more, Chakotay going with her, as if knowing that this was indeed the end of the battle. Now, it truly was, _just a matter of time._

* * *

"_Away team to Voyager," _Tuvok's voice echoed over the comlink.

"Go ahead Commander," Kathryn Janeway said, feeling butterflies forming in her stomach. Ensign Kim had just given her the first bit of good news that she had heard in what felt like a lifetime. Harry had picked up the missing officers' lifesigns, however faint they were, but they were still alive, now it was just a matter of time of getting to them before the Rupor aliens caught up.

"_We've found a cave that we believe Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett sought shelter in. There is Starfleet issued equipment that has been left behind. However, there is no sign of the commander or counselor_."

"Stand by, Tuvok," Kathryn said, moving to stand at Harry's station. "Mister Kim, can you determine how far away Chakotay and Sarah are from the away team's position?"

Harry ran his fingers rapidly over the controls. "They're about sixty meters down hill from that position. But the Rupor group is closer to them, at about twenty meters and closing."

Kathryn set her jaw. "Tuvok, we're beaming your team to the coordinates we believe the commander and counselor are. Stand by for transport. When you have them, request an emergency beam out. There is a group of Rupor soldiers making their way towards that position."

"_Aye, Captain. I'll notify Voyager when we have them._"

* * *

When the away team came out of the transporter beam, immediately Tuvok could see the crumpled forms of Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett on the rocky ground. Quickly moving about the rocks, for up above they could already hear the Rupor closing in on them, Tuvok moved towards the officers.

Barrett's eyes were closed and she was struggling to breath. His tricorder readings suggested that she did not have much time left. Chakotay on the other hand was still in good condition, considering what they had probably endured the past three days. The first officer was suffering from hypothermia and dehydration, but other than that, with the proper medical treatment, Tuvok surmised that he would be okay.

The First Officer's dark eyes were looking glassily at Tuvok. "It's about time Commander. Where have you been?"

Tuvok raised an inquisitive eyebrow, wondering how humans could use humor in such odd of times, like now. Tapping his combadge, as the tricorder blared the approach of the Rupor, he said, calmly, "_Voyager_, five to beam directly to sickbay. Tell the Doctor to be ready for critical injuries."

"_Understood Commander, initiating transport."_

Tuvok felt the transporter beam sweeping them up just as two large, menacing looking Rupor soldiers came over the ridge, firing their phaser rifles. If he was capable of relief, he was sure he would have felt it when they all rematerialized in sickbay, with nothing more than a few scratches sustained from climbing the mountain while looking for their fellow officers. The Vulcan straightened his form and instructed the two ensigns that had been with him on the away team to help the Doctor get the patients on biobeds and swiftly left the room. He was going to be needed on the bridge.

He stepped out of the turbo lift as the Rupor vessel that had been orbiting the planet fired, hitting _Voyager _dead on. The ship lurched and he heard the Karavian engineer, Kvati let out a little squeal. Taking his station he moved his long fingers over the controls, awaiting his orders.

Janeway was yelling at Paris. "Get us out of here, Tom! Maximum warp!"

"Aye, sir."

Being a Vulcan he was privy to seeing things that humans most notably did not pick up on, like the collected sigh of relief they all let out when the ship sprung to warp and fled Rupor space. Harry Kim reported in a relieved tone that the Rupor were not pursuing and Tuvok could see the strain all lift from their faces at precisely the exact time. _Humans can be so predictable, _he thought as he went about his work. As he did so, he looked up to see Janeway smiling at him. _Curious, _he thought, _I didn't do anything to get us out of a tight situation. Lieutenant Paris was the one to set the course._

"Good job, Commander," Janeway told him, moving up the command steps, and stating before she entered the turbo lift that she was going to be in sickbay.

Tuvok could only stare puzzled at the closed door.

* * *

_Captain's Log, supplemental; Repairs are progressing on schedule and I have ordered us back on course to the Alpha Quadrant. I am confident that we will reach an agreement with the Karvaians__, and I'm happy that we've have made a friend during the hell that the past three days has been. In the absence of our counselor, Mister Neelix has offered to host a party on the holodeck in celebration of the impending treaty and in the hopes of easing the crew's frayed nerves._

* * *

"Can you wake her?"

The Doctor looked at Janeway with a frown. "I wouldn't recommend it. She's suffered massive trauma, not too mention it looks like Commander Chakotay dragged her over every last inch of that mountain. Not ideally the best situation for her if you ask me."

"It was either that, or be killed by the Rupor," Janeway replied. "I'm thinking he liked their odds better by abandoning camp."

The Doctor pressed a hypospray to Sarah Barret's neck. "Five minutes," he told the Captain before walking away.

Janeway smiled gently at him as Sarah's eyes fluttered open. Gently, almost motherly, Janeway laid a hand on her shoulder and leaned down a bit closer so the young woman could see her better. "Welcome home," she said, softly. "How are you feeling?" _What a ridiculous question Kathryn, of course she isn't feeling well. _

"Like a galaxy class ship ran me over," Sarah replied, a trace of a smile on her face. "But, it's good to be back."

"You and the commander gave us a scare for a while there," Janeway told her. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"We were on our way to Karva, just like we had planned, when we were attacked by unknown aliens," Sarah answered. "Chakotay tried to retreat, but we were outmatched and crashed on that planet. The aliens then decided to come pay us a visit."

"The Rupor," Janeway filled her in.

"Oh, so you've met our friends?"

"Unfortunately," Janeway said, scowling. "We had to turn around after we tracked the shuttle. I'm sorry, we could have been there sooner. I should have kept pressing forward."

Sarah shook her head, barely able to move. "Captain, _Voyager_ would have been destroyed. I'm surprised you're all here in one piece."

"We had a little help from the Karvaians ." From across the room she could see that the Doctor was glaring at her. "The Doctor is about ready to throw me out of sickbay, so I better be ending this conversation." She placed a hand to Sarah's cheek and gently pressed it. "The next time you wake up, you'll feel as good as new."

"Wait, Captain, can I speak to Chakotay first?" she asked, her eyes getting moist. "There's...there's something I need to say to him."

* * *

He felt like his head was going to explode. Opening his eyes he was surprised to see the face of the holographic doctor peering down at him. The last thing he recalled, before passing out from dehydration, or exhaustion, or perhaps both, had been Tuvok, standing over him. But he had thought it had been a dream, a hallucination , not really the Vulcan.

Chakotay tried to sit up but found that his body was too tired. He felt a hand gently push him back down on to the bed and he turned his head to see Janeway's face at his side as well. She was offering him a gentle smile, one that seemed to make her face glow. It was the most beautiful sight he had seen in the past three days.

"Welcome back, Commander," Janeway said, giving his shoulder a gentle pat. "The Doctor says you should rest, you've had a rough couple of days."

Rough wasn't the word he would use, but he didn't argue with her. "I was beginning to think that you were never coming after us, Captain." He finally found the strength to sit up, even if it made him dizzy. Janeway kept her hand firmly placed on his shoulder, offering him support. "To be honest, for a while I thought that the aliens had destroyed _Voyager _and we were the only ones left."

"I wasn't about to let some bully stand in my way," Janeway said, firmly.

Chakotay grinned. "I wouldn't expect you too. But I would have thought _Voyager _was severely outmatched by the aliens."

Janeway shrugged her shoulders. "We were, but we got a little help from our friends."

"The Karvaians?"

"Yes."

"They knew about the Rupor all along?"

Janeway bit her lip, hearing the anger in her voice. She had had the time to get over her frustration with the Prime Minister; Chakotay on the other hand had suffered three days because of the man's mistake. "Believe me, he already knows where we stand on the withheld information."

"Has he been informed that Counselor Barrett is…" his voice trailed off, he could not utter the one word that had been on his mind since he first was scanning her for injuries.

"Is going to make a full recovery," the Doctor, silent until that moment, spoke up. "I've managed to stop the infection, now I just have to operate. She's going to have to stay in sickbay for a while, however, she should be back on her feet in a few days, although I recommend light duty for her. She was actually asking to speak to you a moment ago."

Chakotay blinked. "She's awake?"

"Has been for several moments, Captain Janeway wanted to speak to her. And it's already three minutes past the alloted time I gave her, just so you know."

Janeway glared at the hologram, who turned away abruptly and left the biobed's side. She patted Chakotay's shoulder again. "I'll see you on the bridge, two days from now, at zero eight hundred, until then, rest, Commander." She turned about and left the room, Chakotay watched her go, and when she had disappeared through the doors, he labored off of the biobed, every muscle in his body aching, and staggered over to the surgical biobed, where Sarah lay staring up at the ceiling.

"Starfleet really should look at getting a professional interior designer," she mused.

"Be grateful you don't have to stare at it all day then," Chakotay teased, stealing a glance at the bland ceiling.

"Being confined to sickbay for three days is going to be torture enough," Sarah replied. An awkward silence fell between them. Her eyes met his for a moment. "I'm sorry, Commander."

He was confused. "For what, exactly?"

"For giving up down there," she answered.

Chakotay couldn't be sure but he thought he saw tears creep into the corners of her eyes. He reached out and took her hand in his own. "It was looking pretty grim there for a while. I think we're both equally guilty for giving up."

She shook her head, saying softly, "You didn't give up. Not once. I'm the one who is supposed to be the optimism around here, ship's counselor, morale officer, what you want to call it; how can I keep spirits up when faced with hard times I crumble. I did once, when my father died, I turned to drugs; this time I didn't have that luxury, but just gave up on…living. How can I help these people, this crew, through hard times, when I don't even know how to get myself through?"

He gave her hand a squeeze. "The answer to that is simple; you're not alone."

The Doctor stepped up the biobed, ending the conversation. "Commander, I really should begin operating."

Chakotay glanced up to see Tom Paris, appointed field medic standing there, looking nervous. Then at Sarah who was scowling at the Doctor, the vulnerable moment gone. "You expect me to go to sleep knowing that Tom is my nurse?"

"Believe me Miss Barrett, I'm not any more thrilled about the situation than you are," the Doctor drawled sarcastically. "However, if Mister Paris manages to listen to me, then you should be alright," he added, glancing over his shoulder at the jilted pilot. "I really should begin now." He pressed a hypospray to her neck, injecting an anesthetic into her system.

Sarah let out a deep breath. "See you on the bridge," she whispered to the first officer before her eyes slipped shut and she went into an induced slumber.

Chakotay let go of her hand and moved away from the biobed so the Doctor and Tom could get to work. Knowing that his relationship with the upstart counselor was going never going to be the same again, he turned about on his heal, and despite the Doctor's protests, proceeded to leave sickbay, muttering under his breath, "See you on the bridge."

* * *


	21. Chapter 21:Phage

_Disclaimer: All the characters, ships, technology,and some of the dialogue, etc, belong to Paramount. The characters of Sarah Barrett, Ava and Michael Janeway belong to me. _

A/N: I'm going to post this is quickly as possible so I can get back to the rewrite of season two. I just wanted to let you all know I haven't forgotten!

* * *

_**PHAGE**_

_The cave's walls were dark, thick. The only light was from the wrist torch. She moved through the tight cave, being careful where she stepped so she wouldn't slip and fall on the smooth rocks and dirt beneath her feet. _

_Up ahead she could see a large cavern. There was something there that she was looking for, she wasn't sure how she knew that, but she did. She entered the deep chasm only to find more rock, more dirt. Not what she was looking for. She pressed forward even more, now a voice in the back of her head telling her to go back. It sounded like Chakotay over the comline. 'Lieutenant, don't go any further until I get there.' _

_He sounds like my brother, she thought, ignoring his request. _

_It was foolish not to listen. Someone or something was standing in front of her, pointing a weapon at her. It was grotesque, with skin graphs and hair falling out, almost like a decaying corpse walking around. _

_The pain shot through her so quickly that she couldn't even register a scream. All that came out was a gasp for air, and then suddenly she realized, she couldn't _get _air. _

_'Lieutenant? Can you hear me?' _

_Chakotay's voice again, but she couldn't answer back, she couldn't breath, it was as if her lungs were gone… _

With a start Sarah Barrett sat straight up in bed, gasping for breath, and was relieved that she could breathe. She suddenly realized that Chakotay was indeed talking to her over the comlink and it had been what had roused her from the nightmare. Shaking, she reached out and grabbed at the combadge that was resting on the nightstand. Pressing it between her thumb and pointer finger, she responded, "Go ahead Commander."

"_For a moment I thought you were ignoring me," _Commander Chakotay's voice chuckled.

"Sorry, I…my mind was elsewhere," she said. "What can I do for you Commander?"

"_I'm on my way to meet with the Captain before reporting to duty,_" Chakotay told her. "_She was asking about you yesterday. Should I tell her you'll be ready to report back to duty in a couple of days?" _

Sarah got up off the bed and went into the bathroom, scowling at her mussed hair and drained appearance. "I'm going to see the Doctor this morning. If all goes like I'm hoping I'll be reporting for duty _today._" She reached for the hair brush that was on the sink and began to tackle the tangles that plagued her dark tresses. "I don't think I can spend another day reading, or organizing my sock drawer."

Another chuckle. "_I'll let Captain Janeway know to expect you_. _Chakotay out._"

Slipping out of her tangled nightgown she mumbled to the computer to activate the sonic shower. She preferred a good bath or a real water shower, but time was not going to permit it. She was due to report to the Doctor in less than twenty minutes. A quick sonic shower was all she had time for, to wash away the grim from a restless sleep.

It was easy to find her uniform, since she had been taken off the duty roster for a week and a half, it had laid on the dining room chair. When she had slipped out of her quarters to see the Doctor she had been clad in civilian attire, reasoning there was no point to traipsing around the ship in uniform when she wasn't on duty.

The fabric felt starchy against her skin. It also proved to be difficult to get into the tight fitting turtleneck since her rib cage was still sore from the crash. Gritting her teeth and bearing it, for she didn't care anymore how much pain she was in, she was going to report to duty that day. She was tired of so many things. There was only so much classic literature and reorganizing drawers one person could take. She had even rearranged the furniture in the living and dining areas to make the room more easily traveled. The Doctor would probably throw a fit if he knew she had done that with her tender ribs.

Tucking her hair back into a twist, she clipped her combadge onto her tunic, and with a final glance to make sure that her pips were on straight, left the quarters.

A few crewmen who were on their way to their duties stations or back to their quarters nodded their heads at her in greeting before going about their business. Everything had pretty much returned back to normal for them the moment Chakotay and Sarah had been transported back to _Voyager_. However, it was a different story, at least for Sarah. It was going to be a while for her to feel _normal _again.

The dreams were not helping her out any.

They had started when Harry Kim had come by to visit her and offered to 'cook' dinner for her. The two had shared some stories about what was going on on the bridge, how the Captain seemed ready to burst at the seams because she was solely relying on Neelix for diplomatic advice, and that the Talaxian had been bubbling about some planetoid that could go a long way in helping them with their dilithium supplies. In fact, it had been that night she had the first dream of being in a cavern, being stalked and then feeling a sensation of having her lungs ripped out of her body.

At first she had thought it was post traumatic stress. But now she was beginning to think otherwise.

"Deck five," she called out when she entered the turbolift. This trip had become routine everyday and if the Doctor was capable of making friends, Sarah was sure that they would be best buddies by now because she had been in sickbay so often the last ten or so days.

The routine was getting old, and she could tell it wasn't only getting old for her. The Doctor didn't seem practically thrilled when she showed up for her check up everyday. Then again, the Doctor didn't seem thrilled about anything unless he was in the midst of some medical crisis. So much for Starfleet's brilliant idea of leaving starships with a back up doctor; it was obvious that they weren't thinking long term solution when they programmed him. Otherwise, Sarah was convinced that the Doctor would have been programmed to be a bit more…understanding.

"You're late," the hologram snapped out when she entered. "And in uniform. Is there some change in schedule that I should be made aware of? Last I checked you weren't scheduled to report for duty for another two days."

_Tom's right, his bedside manner does need to be improved if he's going to be our chief medical officer for the next seventy five years. _ "I'm getting sick of sitting around," Sarah replied, going to stand near the instrument table. "Just scan me, say I'm fit for active duty, and I'll go about my merry way."

The Doctor picked up a medical tricorder. "Are you in any pain?"

"Nothing I can't handle," she said.

The hologram heaved a sigh and put the tricorder down. "Why does this crew _insist _to go against their doctor's wishes?"

"Maybe you just got a crew with ADD," Sarah replied, with a teasing smirk.

"You're no better than the rest of them," he snapped. "I would think that the ship's counselor would hold herself above such pettiness."

"Sorry I don't live up to your high standards."

The Doctor placed the tricorder back onto the tray. "Other than the fact that your rib cage is still tender from the surgery, you're fit for duty. BUT I've already put a recommendation in that you do not go on any away missions until further notice."

_Well, that is going to put a dampener on things. _ "You're the Doctor," she mumbled, unhappy about being restricted to the ship.

"At least someone on this ship realizes that," he returned, beginning to leave the room.

"Doctor, wait," she called out. "Can I ask you something?"

"I'm listening."

"I've been having these dreams, of being in a cave, looking for something. I hear Commander Chakotay tell me not to go any further, but I keep going," Sarah said. "I'm…I'm attacked by what I think is an alien, but I can't be sure, it looks more like a corpse. The last thing that happens before I wake up is I feel like my lungs are…are gone. Could it…could it be post traumatic stress?"

The Doctor didn't even bat an eyelash. "It's possible. But…you are the counselor, why are you asking me?"

She shrugged her slender shoulders. "I guess I just wanted a second opinion."

"I can give you something to help you sleep, but if the dreams do not go away I'd talk to someone about it," the Doctor replied.

"Talk to someone? To who?" Sarah inquired.

"You must have friends, Miss Barrett," he replied.

_You're not alone. _Chakotay. "Well…yes, I guess I do."

"Then my suggestion to you Miss Barrett is this, talk to a friend about your experiences on that planetoid. It wouldn't hurt you, only help."

* * *

"Hi Commander Chakotay, Mama's trying to get Ava dressed, she's being stubborn," Michael Janeway greeted, startling the first officer, who had not been expecting the boy to answer the door.

_Like mother like daughter, _Chakotay thought as he stepped into the quarters. Peering around the room he noticed that Tal Celes, the children's nanny, was not present. Usually when he stopped by in the morning before proceeding to the bridge, Tal was there, chipper as ever, playing with the children. "Tal isn't here yet?"

"She's sick, Mama said she was exposed to the worst germ carriers of all," Michael replied. "What do you think she meant by that Commander Chakotay?"

Chakotay shook his head, deciding to play it safe. "I wouldn't know," he replied with a smile, picturing the Captain uttering those words to her inquisitive son. "I'm sure your mother has taken care of those _germ carriers, _Michael."

At this moment Kathryn emerged from the baby's room, a wailing, but a fully dressed Ava, toddling after her. If the Captain was bothered by the little girl's crying, her face didn't show it. Instead, she reached out, grabbed her uniform tunic that was resting over the back of a chair and put it on. Smiling at Chakotay, she said, "Care to join us for breakfast?"

"I've already had mine, thanks," he replied, keeping his eyes on the toddler. Ava was demanding attention by clinging tightly to her mother's pant leg.

Kathryn responded by shrugging it off. "It's a shame; I heard that the rations were particularly dehydrated this morning." Her ignoring Ava only seemed to make the baby angry. She suddenly shrieked which caused everyone in the room to shiver at the high pitch. "It's also a shame that you won't have the pleasure of dining with my children, who absolutely love ration packs."

"That's not true, Mama," Michael protested, covering his ears to try and drown out Ava's screaming. "I _hate _them."

Chakotay chuckled. "Apparently, he hasn't learned the concept of sarcasm yet."

"He will, soon enough," the Captain drawled, finishing up with her tunic. With a final straightening of her uniform, she was all business as usual. "How much longer until we reach this planet that Neelix keeps boasting about?"

"Shouldn't be long now," Chakotay replied. "Just enough time to enjoy your breakfast with your delightful daughter."

Kathryn frowned at Ava who had now latched onto her mother's leg, wrapping her arms and own legs about it tightly. The woman pried the child free and looked sheepishly back at the commander. "I thought I was beyond this when Tal agreed to take care of them, however, I never took into consideration that children spread germs, quite frequently may I add, and she would get sick."

"Well, what's one more day in the ready room, really when you look at the grand scheme of things?"

"We're going to spend the day with you?" Michael asked, excitedly, his eyes lighting up, the thought of eating rations again for breakfast gone. "Do you think Tom will let me fly the ship?"

Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged glances. "I...I'll have to think about that one, honey. Maybe when you're older."

A disappointed look fell over the child's face but Kathryn was soon ushering them all out into the corridor and towards the turbo lift, where they would proceed to the mess hall. Ava seemed less than thrilled to be leaving, especially since her mother absolutely refused to pick her up and continued to sob all the way to the turbo lift, the ride to deck two, and the way towards the captain's private dining room. Stealing a glance at the child, who was practically running to keep up, Chakotay was struck with how much she resembled her mother, even at this young of an age.

Her eyes were just as bright a blue, just as fiery, her hair shimmered copper in the lights, and even the curve of her lips was identical of that to Kathryn. It was almost as if Kathryn had a little clone walking around. He chuckled at that thought. As if this crew needed _two _Kathryn Janeways.

"Commander? Have you heard anything I've said?"

Chakotay snapped his eyes up to meet Kathryn's. "I, ah…was distracted."

A smile played on her lips. "It's best to ignore her. She'll stop…eventually."

"I'm sure she will, now what were you saying?"

"We need to come up with a way of refining the dilithium, assuming Neelix is right, and that there is any on the planet we're heading too," Kathryn replied, as the walked along the observation deck.

"Lieutenant Torres has already asked permission to make modifications to the auxiliary impulse reactor," Chakotay answered her, watching as Michael went to peek out the large windows, briefly, trying to get away from Ava, who had resorted to following her brother around now since she wasn't getting a reaction out of her mother and the commander. "It could be converted into a crude dilithium refinery."

"The impulse reactor?" Kathryn repeated a grin on her face. They stopped walking, while the children peered out the large windows. "Sometimes I think B'Elanna goes out of her way to find solutions that ignore Starfleet procedures."

"Her arguments are quite convincing. She thinks it can be done safely."

"I'm sure it can," Kathryn said, starting to walk away again, not even telling the children she was moving. "Tell her I want regular reports on her progress."

Chakotay turned about to join her and saw that Michael jogged away from the window to catch up, Ava, who had stopped her crying for a brief moment while looking out the window, suddenly bawled again, and chased after him, her little feet laboring to keep up.

"Are you sure you won't join us for breakfast?" Kathryn asked him again, her eyes traveling back towards the children. "I was thinking of having eggs Benedict with asparagus, strawberries and cream…"

They stopped in front of the doors to her private dining room. Chakotay scratched his head for a moment, wondering if perhaps in all the commotion of the morning, she had forgotten that the replicators were still down from the Rupor attack a week prior.

She caught the look on his face. "I said I was thinking about it. I'm actually having ration pack number five; stewed tomatoes with dehydrated eggs."

"Mmm, sounds delicious, but I've already had my vacuum packed oatmeal this morning," he said, with a sneaky smile. Michael was making a face and he reached out and mussed his hair. "See you on the bridge."

"Bye Commander," Michael said, happily.

Kathryn watched him go for a moment, pondering the relationship that had started to sprout up between Michael and her first officer. Naturally Michael had latched on so to speak to the men, he loved it when Tom joined the children for lunch in the mess hall, and he was always asking Harry engineering questions. But for some reason, the bond between Michael and Chakotay was different. Chakotay was gentle with them, soft spoken. The children felt comfortable around him and Michael had taken to asking him life's questions, like a child would their father. This for some reason, bothered her. It wasn't that Michael was purposely trying to replace his father, the grief counselor back on Earth had told her that it would be good for him to find a surrogate father so to speak. Kathryn had always been comfortable when that roll had been filled by Gabriel Dawson, the children's uncle, but now, seventy thousand light years from home, the thought that her first officer could take on that roll, unnerved her at the same time it comforted her.

"Mama, are we going to eat?"

Eyes locking with her son's she realized she had been daydreaming. "Yes, sorry, I was thinking." She reached out and punched in the access code to the dining room. The doors swished open and the family was greeted with the smell of cooking food and smoke.

At the far end of the room, where the replicators had once been, was a couple of burners, that looked like they had hastily been put together, and were flaming. Kathryn, seeing the flames, instinctively stepped in front of her children, scooping a now shocked Ava up into her arms.

She wasn't surprised to find Neelix twittering about in the middle of this mess. "What is going on here?"

"Captain you caught me by surprise!"

"I could say the same thing," Kathryn snapped sarcastically, following Neelix back into what used to be her private dining room. "What are you doing?"

"Well, that's obvious Mama, he's cooking," Michael piped up. His mother shot him a glare and he shrunk against the wall, tucking his hands behind his back.

Neelix went on to explain that he knew the senior officers weren't happy with the ration packs so he decided to take some of the vegetables from the hydroponics bay that Kes had created and make a galley. "It wasn't easy. I had to completely reroute the Mess Hall power conduits and scrounge a lot of supplies from all over the ship, but that's my specialty making something out of nothing."

Kathryn shifted Ava onto one hip. _How in the hell did he do all this without any of us noticing? _"Neelix," she said, in her best command voice, gripping his arm with the hers that had been freed up by shifting Ava about,"who approved this?"

"Uh, well…no one."

"Uh-oh," Michael muttered from his spot on the wall. "Not a good idea Neelix." Being the son of a Starfleet captain, and the nephew of a Starfleet lawyer, Michael knew a lot about protocol, and that his mother was never happy when that protocol had been breached. The burners started to flame even more and he stepped back in fear of getting burnt. Neelix quickly went to drown the flames with a towel, Kathryn following behind him.

"You might have asked me first," she said, hotly. "This used to be my private dining room."

Neelix looked surprised at that. "Your, your dining room? Oh…ah I guess you'll be wanting me to get this out of your way."

"_Bridge to Captain Janeway._"

"Go ahead."

"_We're approaching the rogue planetoid._"

"On my way," she responded, turning to Neelix. "I want you to come with me. We will deal with _this _later." She gestured for Michael to come with her and left the room as Neelix hurriedly gave Ensign Parsons directions on how to keep the kitchen running while he was gone.

She had to admit that a galley would be nice, real food would be nice for a change, but it didn't take away from the fact that Neelix had not come to her first. Of course, how was he supposed to know such things, not being from Starfleet? The surprise of finding him cooking in the private dining room had done one positive thing; it had stopped Ava's crying. Kathryn felt it safe to put the child onto the floor of the turbo lift just as the doors opened to the bridge.

Pointing towards the empty engineering station she told Michael to call up some program that she had been working on to start his basic schooling. It wasn't much, she knew, but for now it was going to have to do. Tal had agreed to watch the children, but she had told the Captain, openly that she probably was not the best teacher for the children, seeing how Michael could do multiplication at the age of five, and she hadn't even been able to do that at the age of eleven.

The boy was eager to start the new lesson and climbed up into the seat that was too big for him, typing away at the console. Ava waddled after him and somehow managed to squeeze her little body into the chair with him.

Kathryn stole a glance at her first officer, a thought suddenly occurring to her.

"I already locked out the ship's systems. The only thing he can access is the programs you specified," Chakotay said, with a bemused look. "There'll be no action figures in the conduits today."

_He has to bring that up, _Kathryn thought begrudgingly. Before Tal, the children had run rampant on the ship, Kathryn not being able to keep up with them and her work. Michael had even gone as far as crawling into a Jefferies tube with Ava and playing around with a power conduit, later claiming that it had been Ava who put the action figure in it. Kathryn had never quite believed him. "What have you found?" she finally asked Harry Kim.

"We're picking up definite dilithium signatures, Captain," Kim answered. "The strongest readings are originating from ten to twenty kilometers inside the planetoid."

"It also looks like the there's a series of subterranean caves, with an oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere," B'Elanna Torres reported from the Science station.

"Class-M," Chakotay stated, standing next to Paris at conn. "It'll make mining a lot easier if we can go in there without environmental suits."

"How much dilithium are we talking about?"

"It's hard to get a precise reading. It could be anywhere from five hundred to…one thousand metric tons."

"Just as I said," Neelix declared, quite proud of himself. Kathryn already annoyed with him that morning, gave him a look that he didn't seem to notice. "I bet there are a few Yallitian engineers who'd give all three of their spinal columns to know where this planet is."

Kathryn resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Commander," she addressed Chakotay, "take an away team down into those caves and do a preliminary geological analysis. Lieutenant," she said, now addressing B'Elanna, "you better get your dilithium refinery online."

"It'll be ready to go in three days."

Kathryn gave her a nod of approval while Chakotay told Harry to join him. She felt Neelix brush her arm as he moved behind her towards Chakotay. She turned towards her seat watching with amusement the look that came across Chakotay's face as the Talaxian crossed the bridge to meet up with him. Lowering her body down she heard Chakotay ask where Neelix was going.

"With you," Neelix answered, enthusiastically. "I've been studying my Tricorder Operations Manual. Lieutenant Torres has brought me up to date on dilithium geophysics." He turned towards Kathryn, who was listening to the exchange intently. "I've been preparing for this mission all week."

_You can't fault him for wanting to help out. _"Very well, Mister Neelix," was all she said before Chakotay disappeared into the turbo lift, with what she could have sworn was a _I'll get you back _glare.

Neelix sputtered after him. "I'll think you'll find me extremely helpful, Commander. I remember the first time I flew by this planet, I think it was about three years ago…"

"Deck four," Harry Kim called out desperately and the lift's doors closed.

Kathryn laughed silently and gazed at the back of Tom Paris' head. Neelix could be a little too eager which in turn made him impulsive at times, but his heart was in the right place, she concluded.

The doors to the turbo lift could be heard swishing open again and for a moment she thought that Chakotay had buckled and sent Neelix back. Turning her head she saw her counselor step onto the bridge. Kathryn couldn't help but feel warmed by her presence. The last week and a half had been awkwardly silent without the counselor there while she recovered from her injuries and infection which she had sustained in a shuttle crash.

"Reporting for duty, ma'am," Sarah Barrett said, sliding into an at ease position. "The Doctor gave me the go ahead to return to active duty."

"Welcome back, Lieutenant," Kathryn said with a smile, gesturing towards her chair. "Take a seat. We've missed you around here."

Sarah made her way down the steps and to the bench chair that she had occupied every duty shift until she had gotten injured. "Did I miss much?" she asked, with a teasing smile.

Kathryn shook her head. "No, just the same old same old. You know how it goes."

"I heard about Neelix turning your dining room into a galley," Sarah said. "If you want I can talk to him, it is after all my fault."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"Before Chakotay and I left on the mission to Karva, he asked me if there was a way he could help out around here more, I told him that I would sit down and talk with him when I got back," she replied. "But, we all know how the story goes from there. I guess he got a little impatient."

The Captain brushed her off with a wave of her hand. "Don't worry about. It was hardly traumatic; a bit of a surprise, but nothing that can't be easily repaired. Besides, I'm not sure I want him to dismantle the galley just yet."

"You don't?"

"He had a valid point that the senior officers, myself included, have not been too fond of the ration packs lately," Kathryn pointed out, glancing up at Michael, who every time his mother mentioned it was meal time would scowl in disgust and groan, _not ration packs again. _

Sarah noticed where she was looking and commented, "I see the cherubs are joining us today."

"I wouldn't know about any cherubs," Kathryn replied, dryly, "but the children are here. Tal's sick, and it's making me rethink the situation. I don't think it's fair to have her watch them six days a week; her only off day my only off day. Maybe I should be offering her a break, taking them two days a week. It would only work out to one day on the bridge; we can spend my day off in our quarters or on the holodeck." She saw the exasperated look that came over Sarah's face. "I know, I know, we'd have to step up security."

The young woman swallowed. "You do remember the time that Michael tried to access helm control, right? If Mister Paris hadn't been near by, who knows what would have happened to _Voyager_. Ma'am, I understand it's been difficult, but if Tal isn't complaining, maybe we should just…leave things alone."

"If it's not broke why fix it?," Kathryn said, with a shy grin.

"What we need is someone to be their teacher, someone aside from a babysitter, that way it gives Tal a break from having both of them all the time," Sarah suggested and immediately regretted opening her mouth. The Captain got a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Good idea, Counselor," she said. "Why don't you start working on candidates that you would think will make a good teacher? Of course I would have done it myself, but I don't know the crew as well as you do; this is a good assignment for you, and it fits in with the light duties that the Doctor suggested until you're one hundred percent back on your feet."

Tom Paris turned slightly in his chair to give her a teasing look and she felt her cheeks flush for a moment. Lowering her eyes, she focused on the gray carpet. "Yes, ma'am, I'll get working on it right away."

Kathryn laughed to herself and leaned back into her chair.

"_Sickbay to the Bridge,_" the Doctor's persistent voice came over the comlink.

"Go ahead Doctor."

"_Captain, I think you should come down here. There's been a medical emergency with the away team._"

* * *


	22. Chapter 22

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: I'm hoping to get back to writing new stuff later this week. I know it has been a long time, life has been crazy.

* * *

"What the hell happened?" Kathryn Janeway demanded when she entered sickbay. After hastily leaving the children in the care of a reluctant B'Elanna Torres on the bridge, Janeway, Sarah Barrett, and Tom Paris had rushed down to sickbay.

The Doctor was buzzing around the surgical biobed and Harry Kim was off to the side looking over a tricorder. Neelix was unconscious on the biobed and Kathryn felt her throat constrict. She knew it had been too soon to allow him on an away mission. She should have insisted that he be more thoroughly trained, but his enthusiasm to help the crew had won out and now he was injured.

Chakotay intercepted the Captain and Barrett as they entered the room, Paris on their heels. The two women stayed with the first officer, while Paris went to help the Doctor.

"He was attacked on the planetoid. Some how someone removed his lungs," Chakotay replied, noticing the looks of shock that came over both women's faces. But it was different forms of shock, he realized. While Janeway looked bewildered, Barrett looked absolutely mortified. "By the time we got to him, he was unconscious."

"Someone removed his lungs?" Janeway asked, trying to get a grasp on the situation.

Chakotay nodded his head. "We were exploring the caves and broke off into three teams. I told Neelix to hold position but you know how he is, eager, he went ahead, reported lifesigns and the next thing I knew he was screaming and gasping for air."

Barrett blinked. "You were in caves?"

The Commander nodded his head. "Yes, we were looking for the dilithium."

"And you said someone removed his lungs?"

"Yes," he replied. _Haven't you been listening to anything I've been saying? _"We're not sure how, but the Doctor speculates that whoever did this used some type of transporter to beam his lungs directly out of his body."

Barrett's sapphire eyes were studying the floor intensely, nervously moving back and forth. "It wasn't post traumatic stress," she muttered.

"Pardon?" Janeway and Chakotay said at the same time.

The young woman's eyes snapped up to look at her commanding officers, realizing that she had spoken her thoughts out loud. "I….it's nothing really." Across the room she could see the Doctor giving her a seething glare as Tom moved some equipment about. "Really, just thinking out loud." She saw the hologram frown at her, but the arrival of Kes seemed to take the officers minds off of her slip of the tongue.

"What happened?" the young Ocampa asked no one in particular.

Sarah gently placed her hands on Kes' shoulders. "Someone attacked Neelix on the away mission. We're not sure how it happened, but they managed to surgically remove his lungs. The Doctor is doing everything he can, Kes, to help him." The Captain and First Officer could not help but notice the strain in the young woman's voice. However, Kes didn't seem to notice, or if she did, she didn't care.

Kes brushed past Sarah, Chakotay and Kathryn, going straight for the biobed. Sarah glanced at the Captain once who gave her a nod of approval and the young woman went after Kes. Kathryn turned back towards Chakotay.

"Did you find any evidence of the lifesign that Neelix reported?"

"No."

Harry stepped up to join them. "Captain, I've analyzed the sensor logs from Neelix's tricorder. The bio scanner picked up a single class-3 humanoid organism."

Chakotay could see Janeway's eyes flicking about, while she was thinking intensely. In their short time together he had seen that look before. She was devising a plan and he had a sinking feeling he was not going to like it.

"I'm taking an away team back to the surface."

_Damn. I knew I wasn't going to like it. _"Captain," he said. "Starfleet protocol states that a commanding officer is not to transport to the surface of a planet unless it is secure. That planetoid is nowhere near being secure, we don't know how many of these aliens are done there removing organs, we don't even know what to look for."

"I am aware of Starfleet protocol, Commander," she seethed. "Starfleet protocol also states that if the situation demands it, the commanding officer can beam down to an unsecured site."

"I'm not sure the situation demands for you to be down there, Captain," Chakotay said, his dark eyes pleading with her. He wasn't sure when the intense desire to protect her had started, but it was there and he was going to fight with her as long as it took to get her to stay safely on _Voyager. _"I don't want to be beaming you back with your lungs removed."

"That is not going to happen…"

"And what do we tell your children when it does?"

The words had the desired effect that Chakotay had prayed for. That had been a slap in her face; she visibly winced at the words. And both of them knew that Chakotay had her right where he wanted her. While she was every bit a Starfleet captain, down to the protocol adherence, she was first, and foremost a mother. He knew as much as she did that the thought of her death thus leaving her children alone on _Voyager, _so far away from home, terrified her.

This was the payback she had been expecting since the moment he had glared at her when Neelix had been allowed on the mission. She knew it had been coming, she just didn't know how sneaky he could be.

"Very well," Janeway finally relented. "Commander, _you_ lead the away team back down to the surface. Inform Mister Tuvok that I want three armed security details to accompany you. Issue type three phasers and keep me updated."

Chakotay knew that he wouldn't always win this battle, because he was sure that there were going to be many more like this, but today, he was satisfied that he had won out. Nodding his head he looked at Kim and the two men left sickbay.

Janeway moved towards the surgical biobed hoping that the Doctor had some news. Kes was standing next to the bed, her small hands resting on the soft material. Her jaw was clenched and Kathryn was sure that the young Ocampa had never experienced this kind of trauma before in her young life. Sarah Barrett had her work cut out for her and on her first day back on the duty roaster no less.

"The blood gas infuser will keep him alive for another forty-seven minutes," the Doctor informed the Captain. "The only chance I see for survival at this moment is if we get his own lungs back."

"Can't we fit him with a pair of artificial lungs?" Janeway asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

The Doctor shook his head. "I'm afraid not. His respiratory system is directly linked to multiple points along his spinal column. It's too complex to replicate. I may be able to surgically re-attach the organs if we get them back, but in the meantime we'll have to search for other options"

Janeway felt a pit forming in her stomach. Pursuing aliens that _harvested _organs was not exactly what she had in mind what they would be doing today, and she was having horrible visions of these said aliens harvesting her own organs, along with her crew and children. It was an image that sent shivers repeatedly up and down her spine. She gently laid a hand on Kes' arm briefly. "I'll be on the bridge. We're going to find who did this Kes and get his lungs back."

Turning about on her heel, Janeway walked purposefully out of the room.

"Mister Paris," the Doctor said once she was gone. "Did they teach how to run a respiratory series in your biochemistry class at the Academy?"

"Ah, no I'm afraid they didn't."

The Doctor looked annoyed. "Fine, I'll just do it myself," he grumbled, grabbing a hypospray from a nearby equipment tray. He moved to stand behind Kes. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"I'm not leaving," Kes said heatedly.

The hologram looked to Barrett for help, but she shook her head. "Very well," he said, more annoyed now. "Just…try to stay out of the way." He pressed the hypospray to Neelix's neck and moved about the surgical biobed.

Sarah didn't seem to notice him. She was staring intently at the Talaxian, trying to piece together a logical explanation as to why her dream had resembled the attack on Neelix so much. But she couldn't come up with one and it was scaring her. When she had been on the _Explorer _she had been able to on a few occasions figure out where the Borg were going by dreams she had or just by what she called a hunch. However, she thought that was because the Borg were easy to predict. Was there something more to her dreams?

"Counselor Barrett?" Her eyes snapped up to see Tom looking at her with a worried expression. "Is everything alright, ma'am?"

"Yes, just…thinking," she responded.

Tom looked at her skeptically but went about his work. "Doc, I think his cellular toxicity level is rising."

The hologram went to stand next to the pilot and looked at the biocomputer. "It's up to thirty two percent. Let's see if we can stabilize those levels. Get me a cytoplasmic stimulator."

Sarah watched from her position opposite from Kes as Tom gave the hologram a little nod of his head, then proceed to toy around in the equipment tray, finally giving up and looking around the room.

"Ah, we don't have one."

"Then replicate one."

"Right," Tom said, still looking lost.

"The design schematics are in the ship's medical data base," the Doctor replied sharply. Tom nodded his head and went to the replicators in the office. "The man drives a 700,000-ton starship so somebody thinks he'd make a good medic."

"He was the only one of us that had any biochemistry at the Academy," Sarah said, garnering for the second time that day, a sharp look from the hologram. "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"One has to wonder what other _good_ ideas you people have thought up."

Kes ignored the banter; she wasn't in the mood for it. "I can survive with one lung can't I? What if I donated a lung to Neelix?"

"A transplant is not an option," the Doctor said. "No one aboard is a compatible match for a Talaxian."

With those words the Doctor left the vicinity and went to the office, mumbling to himself as he went. Sarah and Kes lost what he was saying as he strode away. "I'm sure the Doctor will think of something Kes. He was after all programmed by some of Starfleet's best." The words were not comforting and Sarah could see it by the look of despair on Kes' face. _Damn it, I've been out of the loop too long when it comes to stuff like this. I'm a psychologist not a therapist. _

She soon realized how ridiculous that sounded. Psychologists could be therapists, she was just better at the studying and analyzing of cultures and mental states than she was comforting. It was partially the reason why she had leaped through the ranks so quickly when she graduated from the Academy, because of the growing threat of the Borg and Bajoran terrorist cells Starfleet had needed good psychologists to study the mind set of said groups; that and her father's name had helped a little too.

If all had gone according to plan she would have been promoted to Lieutenant Commander, and be infiltrating the Maquis, however, she had learned that things seldom went according to plan and she was on _Voyager _instead. _Everything happens for a reason, my girl, _her father had always told her that, since the day she could walk she was sure of it. There were times that she found herself questioning that belief. After all, what reason could possibly be giving for her turning to drugs and ending up on this ship? She wasn't the best counselor out there suited for the job.

Of course they had no way of knowing that a three week mission was going to turn into a life time. Perhaps if Janeway had she would have opted for someone with a bit more emotional stability.

"What are you doing?" she heard Tom ask the Doctor as the two came back into the room.

"I'm using the transporter matrix to get exact specifications for Neelix's lungs," the Doctor replied.

"I thought you just said we can't replicate his lungs," Tom said.

"We can't," the Doctor said, "but if I can reconfigure my emitter array, I might be able to create a pair of holographic lungs."

"Holographic lungs?" Sarah and Tom questioned at the same time.

The Doctor came to join the group at the biobed. "If it's successful, we can precisely control his pulmonary functions to allow normal breathing."

"But a hologram is just a projection of light held together in a magnetic containment field. There's no real matter involved," Tom said.

The Doctor suddenly slapped him. Kes looked stunned, Sarah jumped in surprise, and Tom's mouth hung open. "Now," the hologram said turning about to adjust something on the computer, then turning back to Tom, "you hit me."

Tom wound up and proceeded to do so, as Kes flinched, but his hand passed right through the Doctor. Tom looked at his hand, stunned.

"The magnetic containment field that creates the illusion of my body can be modulated to allow matter to pass through it," the Doctor answered, turning about to tap at the controls again, "or be stopped. I might be able to modulate the holographic lungs in the same way, allowing oxygen and carbon dioxide to pass from the lungs to the blood stream."

Kes grabbed his arm. "I want to know what this means."

"There's no to time explain the exact procedure to you right now."

"Oh, well, make the time, because I'm not going to let you perform any experimental surgery on Neelix until I know exactly what you're doing and what the risks are."

Sarah moved towards her, gently taking her arm in her hand. "Kes, maybe we should go to my office and wait until the Doctor is done."

"No, Lieutenant," Kes snapped. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Very well, the risk is that he'll die," the Doctor said, answering her question. "If he does survive he will have to remain in an isotropic restraint. The lungs need to be perfectly aligned to his internal physiology. The computer won't be able to compensate for any body movement whatsoever."

Kes' voice dropped. "How long will he have to stay like that?"

"The rest of us life, unless we recover his original organs. He will never be able to leave the holographic environment of this room. The holo lungs would disappear the moment he went out the door."

The Doctor turned away and went back to his work leaving Kes standing there, looking horrified. Sarah gave her arm a reassuring squeeze. "Kes, I know it sounds bad right now, but at least he'd still be alive. Maybe the Doctor will find something else later down the raod. What do you think Neelix would want?"

"That's the problem, Counselor, I don't know what Neelix would want," she took a deep breath. "But I do know that I want him to live." And with a simple nod of her head, the Doctor was given the permission to proceed.

* * *

"_Captain we've discovered a laboratory of some sorts," _Chakotay's voice echoed over the comlink. "_There are several organs here, from different species that we can't identify. However, there's no sign of Neelix's lungs._"

Kathryn felt her throat constrict at hearing this. A whole laboratory filled with organs from other beings? "Any sign of the lifeform that did this?"

"_Negative, Captain," _Tuvok's voice came next. "_This room is, however, the source of the dilithium signatures were detecting earlier. The power system's here are running on an unusual dilithium matrix._"

It was just like they had feared since the away team had returned to _Voyager. _There wasn't any dilithium down there and they were still going to have power struggles until they found a better solution. Raising her hand to her chin, she tried to get a grasp on how this day had gone from hopeful to hopeless. "Is there anything down there that might give us a clue as to where the lifeform has gone?"

"_Captain, my readings are telling me that there was lifeform in here less then ten minutes ago,_" Chakotay said.

"_Captain we're picking up one life sign, we're in pursuit," _Tuvok's voice said, calmly.

Kathryn spun about to look at tactical. "Prepare a security detail."

"Yes ma'am," Rollins said, moving off of the bridge.

Kathryn turned about nervously pacing the command station. If they didn't catch the aliens what did that mean for Neelix? Well the answer to that was obvious, he would die. She couldn't help but feel guilty. A captain's job was to keep her people safe. Neelix had tried so hard to make a difference for this crew and here she had allowed him on an away mission without fully prepping him in the right protocol. _That was foolish Kathryn, simply foolish. _She bit her lip for a second, _but whose to say that if Neelix didn't go on the away mission that someone else would have suffered his fate. _

That line of thinking didn't get her far, because she realized that if it had been Chakotay or Harry that had been attacked the Doctor would have been able to replicate a new set of lungs for them or one of the crew members could have donated a lung. It wasn't her fault that Talaxian physiology was like no one else's on file.

"Mama, why would someone steal Neelix's lungs?"

_Damn it, I should have had them move into the ready room. _"I'm not sure, honey," Kathryn replied, snaking her hand into her son's dark locks. "But I'm going to find out why."

"Don't they have their own lungs?" Michael inquired, peering up at her with only what could be described as the curiosity of a child. "I mean they would need lungs to breathe wouldn't they?"

_One would think so, _Kathryn thought. "Honey why don't you back to your lesson?"

"I finished it. Besides this is more exiting."

Kathryn frowned at him as Parsons reported that there was a ship leaving the planetoid. Spinning about on her heel she ordered that the away team be beamed back on board. "Tractor them!"

"It's too late Captain, they've already gone to warp."

_Luck just isn't on my side today. _"Set a pursuit course once the away team is back on board, maximum warp."

"Aye Captain."

Kathryn rubbed her temples, trying to rub the headache that was forming away. She knew it was going to be no use, she had been plagued with stress headaches ever since she was a teenager.

"Did I lose my job while on that away mission?"

Chakotay's voice cut through the dense fog and she glanced up at him with confused eyes. _What the hell is he talking about? _Noticing where his grin was pointed at, she turned about to see Michael occupying the Commander's chair. She half expected to see Ava with him, but realized she hadn't heard so much as a peep out of the baby for nearly twenty minutes. _Not good. _

Her eyes must have widened and panic must have been settling in on her face for Chakotay smiled even more. "Over there," he pointed towards the Engineering station where Michael had been working. Ava was curled up in the chair taking a nap. "I brought you something," Chakotay suddenly said, and Kathryn's head snapped about. "Consider it an early birthday gift."

_Lieutenant Torres is right; he does have a twisted sense of humor. _ He was handing her a tricorder device of some sort, or at least that's what it appeared to be. "Any idea what this thing does?"

"We think it's a weapon of some sort," Chakotay said. "The being pointed it at us and fired when we confronted him."

"Everyone still has their lungs right?" Kathryn drawled; she could have a twisted sense of humor too.

"As far as I know, yes."

With a look, Kathryn went to hand the device to B'Elanna Torres, seated at the science station. "Lieutenant, see if you can figure out what this does, oh and some one get Mister Paris up here, we're going to need his flying abilities."

* * *


	23. Chapter 23

_Disclaimers apply as usual. _

A/N: Here's some more! This chapter marks the first appearance of Seska in this series. Just a little FYI haha. Reviews, friendly advice are welcome, no flames though, my fragile ego can't take it lol. Enjoy!

* * *

While the computer was running its diagnostic on the alien device, B'Elanna Torres had snuck away to the mess hall to grab a ration pack for lunch. Well maybe she hadn't really snuck away; Captain Janeway had after all given her permission to take a small break. But it sure felt like sneaking away, with Michael breathing down her neck wanting to know every little thing that came up about the device. Snatching a ration pack up she went to join a Bajoran, by the name of Seska, who was sitting at a table in the middle of the room.

"I didn't think Janeway was ever going to let you leave the bridge," Seska drawled with that sly grin of hers as B'Elanna took a seat.

B'Elanna shrugged her shoulders. "I think she felt bad that her kid was watching over everything I did. Anyways I don't have a lot of time. I need to get back up there to finish working on that device that Chakotay brought back from the planetoid."

"If you ask me this is a waste of time," Seska replied, pushing her empty ration pack to the side. "We shouldn't be chasing after any aliens that like to harvest organs. It could end up getting us all killed."

"Neelix could die if we don't track them down," B'Elanna said, slightly shocked by her friend's cold tone.

It was Seska's turn to shrug her tiny shoulders. "The Doctor has kept him alive this long; that's better than most people can say if they had just had their lungs stolen."

"And what if it was Chakotay that had been attacked? Or Harry? Would you feel the same way?"

"Of course. Neelix should be counting his blessings while the rest of us get to the real work of finding dilithium to help the power shortage," Seska answered, her dark eyes studying B'Elanna's face. "You don't actually agree with Janeway's decision to go chasing after these aliens do you?"

B'Elanna averted her eyes. "To tell you the truth, I think it's rather noble."

Seska scoffed. "One noble deed doesn't make up for her selfish decision to strand us here."

The hatred for Janeway that was laced in Seska's voice was not lost on B'Elanna and the young Klingon woman suddenly found that she was not hungry anymore. Pushing the tray away from her, she looked her friend, or someone she had once regarded as a friend, in the eye. "Seska, I know it hasn't been easy the past month, adjusting to life on a Starfleet ship, but believe me when I say that Captain Janeway has the best intentions of this entire crew at heart."

"You didn't think that way a month ago," Seska pointed out.

B'Elanna shook her head. "No, I didn't. But the past few weeks I've worked closely with her and my opinion has changed. If we had used the array to get home, there would have been people back in the Alpha Quadrant who thought her decision to sacrifice the Ocampa selfish. Either way, she couldn't win."

Seska got up from the table angrily. "You're starting to sound like all those delusional Starfleet idiots."

The Chief Engineer watched as the Bajoran left the table and stalked out of the mess hall. B'Elanna wasn't sure why Seska was having the hardest adjustment out of them all. Perhaps she felt like she had been slighted by Janeway when she wasn't given a higher rank, after all, she was Chakotay's former lover. And then there was B'Elanna's promotion to chief engineer. It was never spoken between the two, but B'Elanna knew that Seska was jealous of her friend's promotion and the trust that Janeway put in her. She also knew that Seska wasn't too keen on all time the B'Elanna had taken to hanging out with Harry Kim in the mess hall or for a stroll on the holodeck. But Harry had been the only one nice to her, on the Starfleet side that is, for their first few days, and she was grateful for that.

It wasn't her fault that she was sliding into fit with the crew and Seska was struggling. _She just needs to make friends outside of the Maquis, that's all. _

B'Elanna decided that the next time Harry joined her for dinner she was going to ask Seska to join them. She was sure that Harry would be friendly and make an attempt to befriend Seska no matter how unreceptive Seska seemed.

Speaking of Harry, B'Elanna was sure that Janeway had given him a fifteen minute break to eat something as well. Maybe she had missed him when she had first come in the room. Glancing around she soon found that it had been easy to miss him. He was seated at a corner table with Sarah Barrett. B'Elanna instantly felt…jealousy.

She was shocked by this, at first. There was nothing romantically going on between her and Harry so she shouldn't be bothered if there was something between him and the counselor. But then she remembered Elle Platt, back from her Academy days. Elle had the same dark, coffee brown hair as Sarah, same enticing sapphire eyes. B'Elanna had thought Elle had been her friend and had told her about her crush on one of their classmates. They never spoke of it again, until B'Elanna had seen Elle with her crush, cuddling on the lawn one warm afternoon. Elle later told her some story about wanting to keep B'Elanna safe because she only would have been hurt, that her crush never would have dated a half Klingon.

B'Elanna, who had always resented human girls, with their silky locks of hair, and smooth foreheads, had shortly left the Academy after that. So was it this fact that Sarah looked so much like Elle that she was jealous of the time she spent with Harry? And if she ever did want to be more than Harry's friend, how could she compete with the perfection that Sarah was?

She was shocked at this realization. Being more than Harry's friend? He was Starfleet, a nice guy, but still Starfleet? _Well what's so wrong with that? _They had been through so much together on the Ocampa home world, she had connected with him in a way that she had yet to connect to anyone else on the ship, with maybe the exception of Chakotay. And that's when her emotions switched to jealousy to downright anger.

Sarah could have any man she wanted on this ship, with the bat of her pretty little eyelashes, why was she with Harry? Good, even Tom Paris was eating out of the palm of her hand and she had taken the one guy that B'Elanna actually felt…feelings towards. _It figures the one nice guy on this ship— _

"Seat taken?"

B'Elanna glanced up to see Tom Paris. She shook her head. "No."

He sat down and dropped his ration pack tray in front of him. His grayish eyes looked up to see what she was looking at and he frowned.

This peaked her curiosity even more. Was Tom's feelings about Sarah more than just wanting a date? B'Elanna suddenly didn't feel so bad that she was not the only one who was jealous on this ship. "Something wrong with the view?" she teased.

Tom only frowned more as Harry and Sarah got up and left the mess hall together, laughing about something. "No, nothing's wrong with the view."

"If I didn't know you any better Paris, I'd say you were jealous," she continued teasing getting up from the table and going to recycle her tray. It was time to get back to working on the alien device and the diagnostic. She would have to push thoughts of Harry aside until further notice.

* * *

However, the thoughts of Harry and Sarah eating lunch together, sharing a laugh, just would not escape her no matter how hard she tried to get her work done. Michael Janeway was still standing over her shoulder, soaking in every last bit of information that the computer was coming up with. If that kept up he could his mother the report and B'Elanna could return to engineering where her real work was.

Mindlessly drumming her fingers on the console she noticed Tuvok raise an eyebrow. "Does that form of activity make the computer scan faster?" the Vulcan questioned her.

"No, but it keeps me occupied while we wait." The doors of the bridge swishing open brought her attention about and Paris strode back onto the bridge, no trace of the frown he had worn in the mess hall. _How can he let it go so easily? Oh, that's right, he's a pig. He probably has another love interest lined up behind Sarah and the Delaney sisters._

The computer beeping brought her attention about. "Captain," she called out, getting Janeway's attention. "We've completed our diagnostic on the alien device."

Janeway strode over to join the group, which was an odd mix when you really thought about it; a Vulcan, a five year old human boy, and a half Klingon. "What have you got?"

"It appears to be more than a weapon," B'Elanna reported. "It's also a very sophisticated medical scanner and surgical instrument."

"From what we can tell," Tuvok said, handing the device to Janeway, "it uses a neural resonator to stun the victim while a quantum imaging scanner begins a microcellular analysis of the entire body.

"The amount of information this thing can gather puts a tricorder to shame," B'Elanna continued. "You fire this at someone you learn everything about their anatomy, right down to their DNA sequencing."

Janeway turned the device over in her hands. "So we're dealing with aliens who've developed a technology specifically designed for extracting organs from other beings. The question is…why?" Chakotay demanded her attention and she mindlessly put the device down onto the science console.

"The alien ship has dropped out of warp," the first officer reported. "It's approaching a large asteroid."

The captain went to stand on the command station next to Lieutenant Barrett while Tuvok took his own station. "On screen."

"It's entered the asteroid captain," Paris reported.

"Hold position."

There were very little options that Janeway had at this moment. She could either take the ship into the asteroid if it was wide enough or she could try to flush the aliens out some how. But that could take hours, and Neelix didn't have hours. Even though the Doctor had come up with a solution for the time being, no one really knew how long he could survive using holographic lungs, not to mention that if ship's system ever went down and the emitters went off line, Neelix would die.

"MICHAEL!"

The shear volume of Lieutenant Barrett's voice startled everyone on that bridge and all eyes snapped about looking for the child.

The boy was standing at the door to the ready room and immediately Janeway could see that he had the alien device clutched in his little hands. The captain had moved the baby into the ready room so she could comfortably nap and she had no doubt that her son was about to test the device out on his baby sister. _How could I be so careless with something that dangerous around? _She hadn't even seen Michael move from his spot near the science station, for that matter, neither had B'Elanna. Michael was terribly clever, a trait that Janeway knew had been inherited from her; he could easily slip away from baby sitters, his mother, etc.

So how had Sarah seen it?

Michael looked sheepishly up at his mother. "I just wanted to see Ava's DNA."

His mother gestured that he give her the device back and he complied.

"Sit there," Janeway instructed, pointing to her chair.

Chakotay cleared his throat while the boy did as he was told. "Uh, Captain, we've determined the asteroid is man made."

_Fascinating. What's even more fascinating that Sarah knew Michael had that device; another question for another time, perhaps. _

"I think I've located where the alien ship entered the asteroid, Captain," Paris was saying bringing their attention about to the situation at hand. "There's an open crater on the limb of the asteroid."

"Let's see it," Chakotay ordered and the viewscreen changed from the image of the asteroid to the opening that Paris had found.

Janeway crossed her arms over her chest. "How large is that crater, Mister Paris?"

"Two hundred meters in diameter."

"Captain," Tuvok cautioned. "May I suggest that you consider carefully what you're about to do?"

"How do you know what I'm about to do?" Janeway asked, raising an eyebrow and glancing at Tuvok.

"I could describe you in detail the psychological observations I have made of you over the past four years," Tuvok answered, calmly. "Which lead me to conclude that you are about to take this ship into the asteroid, but suffice it to say, I know you quite well."

"One of these days, I'm going to surprise you Tuvok," she replied, with a wry grin. "But not today."

Janeway moved back into the command station and briefly looked at her counselor. "I've already consider other options. If Neelix has any chance of surviving, we have to act fast. Red Alert. Mister Paris lay in a course. Mister Tuvok maximum shields, phasers at the ready."

The Captain turned about in the command station and looked hotly at Michael, "And you stay right there and don't touch anything."

"Yes ma'am."

_Voyager _glided into the asteroid while Janeway made her way down the command steps to stand next to Chakotay and behind Paris. Her eyes watched the screen intently as the cavern's walls began to narrow.

"Captain," Paris said. "I'm reducing power to the aft-thrusters only. This passageway is getting a little too narrow for my taste."

"Use your discretion Mister Paris," Janeway replied, turning towards Tuvok. "Any sign of the alien ship, Commander?"

"We're still following the ion trail," Tuvok answered, "but electromagnetic interference is limiting our sensor range. I'm only able to scan five hundred meters a head of us."

Chakotay asked the next question. "Are there any indications we're being scanned or probed Mister Kim."

"Not yet."

"_Sick bay to Bridge. May I enlist the services of Counselor Barrett please?"_

Janeway glanced up at the lieutenant. Was it her imagination or did the Doctor sound anxious? "Certainly Doctor, she's on her way, Janeway out." For a moment the women made eye contact. "You heard the Doctor, he needs your help, we're just going to have to handle first contact without you."

* * *


	24. Chapter 24

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: Since the Patriots are not worth watching today I'll get the next few chapters up.

* * *

When Neelix opened his eyes for the second time that day, just Counselor Barrett was standing over him, one of her small hands was resting behind his ear and she was smiling at him. She had such a pretty smile, he concluded, and if he were in better spirits he might actually feel warmed by her presence. Instead he felt conflicted. She was here obviously to calm him down from before when he had his first anxiety attack, but he couldn't stand the sight of her standing up right and breathing on own her with her little shy grin. She could not possibly understand what was going on with him. How could she? She had never been forced to live like this. She had never been intentionally paralyzed.

"How are you feeling Neelix?" Her voice was soft, using gentle tones like a mother would use with their sick child.

_What a stupid question. I'm feeling miserable. I may never get out of this device and be forced to spend the rest of my life in here. _ "I'm…feeling alright."

She patted his shoulder. "It's alright to tell me otherwise, Neelix. I understand."

_Do you really? Do you really know what it's like to be lying here unable to move? _Neelix averted his eyes. He didn't want to speak with her. He didn't want to listen to her tell him some therapeutic babble that she was undoubtedly going to give to him. It was not going to help, it was not going to get him out of this device. When he had first opened his eyes earlier that day he had been skeptical, but happy to be alive. Now, now he wished that the Commander and Ensign Kim had just left him to die on that planetoid. It would have been much better than lying here, staring up at the ceiling, which Kes' had decorated rather nicely, for the rest of his life.

"How about we talk about something other than yourself? How about Kes? How did you meet her?"

Thinking of Kes brought about another bout of melancholy. She had been standing there when he first had a woken when Lieutenant Barrett had told him what the Doctor and Lieutenant Paris had done to keep him alive. Kes had been so naïve, she was after all only one year old, confident that the Doctor was going to find a better solution. He had tried to get her to go on with her life, even if he knew that meant she'd be with Tom Paris. The man was already making the moves on her and Neelix wasn't even dead yet. "I don't want to talk about Kes."

"There must be something we can talk about to pass the time by."

"NO!" Neelix yelled, angry eyes flashing at her. "I don't want to talk! Just leave me alone!"

He saw her sapphire eyes flicker off to the side; she must have been looking at the holo doctor. And then he was surprised to see them snap back to him, with just as much anger. This wasn't the type of person he had read about in the ship's database that studied to become a counselor. For a moment, the glare almost reminded him of Captain Janeway. _This girl could have command of a ship someday. I can see her going toe to toe with the Kazon just like Captain Janeway. _

"You're going to listen to me and you're going to listen to me real good, understood Mister Neelix?"

_She even sounds like Janeway. _All he could do was nod his head; she had rendered him speechless for once.

"Good," she said, sternly. "Now I won't begin to try to even understand how you must be feeling, because I've never been lying in your situation. But, if this is going to work, you're going to have to get off of the woe is me bandwagon and start facing facts. You're alive and that's better than anyone could hope for if they've lost their lungs."

"My lungs weren't lost! They were stolen!"

"You're also lucky," she went on to say, ignoring him, "That you have a captain who is completely devoted to finding who did this to you. I've spent a few years in Starfleet and I'll tell you right now, I've yet to see a captain as loyal to her crew as Kathryn Janeway. Now, I would think you'd want to show her a little respect and gratitude for what she's doing for you and sitting here whining about everything is NOT the way to go about it."

Neelix instantly felt sheepish. _How could such a small woman make me feel so…inferior?_

Her eyes softened a bit. "I can only do so much for you Neelix. You have to be able to help yourself along the way. Now, let's try this again, what would you like to talk about?"

He bit his lip. "What's happens to Kes if Captain Janeway doesn't find my lungs?"

Lieutenant Barrett looked confused. "She would stay on _Voyager._"

"But what _happens _to her? Does she go on with her life?"

"That decision is entirely up to Kes what she does if Captain Janeway is unsuccessful in finding your lungs."

Neelix didn't hear her, he kept rambling. "Does she end up with…Tom Paris?"

She blinked. "What does Tom Paris have to with any of this?"

He didn't miss what she had said that time for her voice caught a little. He turned his eyes to meet hers. "You're trained to make observations, haven't you seen the way he looks at her?"

"He looks at every woman that way Mister Neelix. I've noticed no difference in his behavior."

"Even you?"

Her face flushed a little. "Even…me."

"You could do better than Tom Paris," Neelix pointed out to her. "Like…Ensign Kim."

Her eyebrow shot up. "Harry?"

"I see you two eating in the mess hall together all the time," Neelix replied, with a smile. It felt good to smile he realized. "Sitting and chatting; you always look so relaxed and happy when you're with him. And he did bring you those flowers while you were recovering from your injuries."

"How do you know about those flowers?"

"Ensign Brooks saw him bring them to you. Word gets around fast on a little ship, Lieutenant. Everyone knows. I guess… I just assumed that there could be more there. I think you'd make a very cute couple."

Again her cheeks got a little pink but this time she glared at him. "We're supposed to be talking about you."

If he could shrug his shoulders he would have. "Talking about other people makes me feel better."

She rolled her eyes. _She has very pretty eyes, they remind me of the ocean on Talax. _"Really Neelix, gossip is not what I had in mind when I came down here. The Doctor wanted me to offer you my professional services, not my friendship."

"I'd rather have your friendship."

She smiled warmly. "I'd rather be your friend."

He could hear the doors to sickbay swish open. Barrett looked up to see who had entered the room and straightened her form. "Kes is here, I'll leave you in her capable hands while I go help Captain Janeway make first contact with a species that, well let's face it, doesn't want to make first contact with us. However, if you need me don't be afraid to contact me, alright?"

"Alright." As she turned to go, he called out, "Thank you Lieutenant, I really do feel better now."

* * *

_Ship Counselor's log, stardate 48532.4; Mister Neelix still exhibits emotions and behaviors that are disturbing me greatly during his recovery, he goes from being extremely depressed to being extremely happy in a matter of moments. If were home in Alpha Quadrant I would request a trauma specialist, but for now I'm going to have to make do. I can only hope that the aliens we have followed into the asteroid have Neelix's lungs, or we're in for one long and rough ride._

* * *

Tom Paris happened to glance up to see Sarah Barrett come out of the turbo lift onto the bridge. She could not have been gone more than twenty minutes. Either Neelix had had a fast recovery or he was not awake yet and the lieutenant saw it pointless to wait around for him to wake up while she could be more useful on the bridge.

Janeway looked surprised to see her as well. "Everything alright?" the Captain asked, softly.

Sara made her way down the steps towards the command station. "For the moment yes, Kes is with him. But, if we're not successful in getting his lungs back, I'm afraid he's in for an emotional roller coaster ride. If we were home I'd request the services of a trauma specialist."

The Captain frowned. "Unfortunately we don't have that luxury. You're just going to have to do your best, Sarah."

Sarah's eyes sparkled, Tom loved it when she got that look, it made her look endearing. "Don't worry Captain Janeway, I'm confident we'll get his lungs back."

_I wonder if she really means those words, _Tom thought, turning back towards his control panel. And then he remembered that not more than twenty five minutes before she had known that Michael Janeway had taken the alien device and was about to enter the ready room. No one else on that bridge had seen the child move, not even B'Elanna Torres who had been right next to the boy when he did it. _Perhaps she does know we're going to get his lungs back._

How she had known was another question. He didn't think she was part betazoid, after all, there had to have been some empathic or telepathic forces working there for her to know. And if she was part betazoid, she had never mentioned it before. Of course there had been a lot of things that she had not mentioned to him. Like the fact that Harry Kim had given her flowers while she had been recovering, or that he had stopped by every day to check on her. Glancing over his other shoulder he caught a glimpse of Harry working at his console intensely.

Tom had wanted Harry to find a new girlfriend, just not one he was thinking about dating. He admitted that he had tried to gage Harry's feelings for her when they had been talking about her in the mess hall while she had been missing. Although his attitude had been that he was happy for Harry, on the inside he was downright jealous and B'Elanna Torres of all people had picked up on it today.

Which meant by tomorrow it would be all over the ship. _Damn little ship._

"You're doing just fine, Mister Paris," Janeway said, firmly from behind him. "Just fine."

Her little vote of confidence took his thoughts away from his jealousy of his best friend. It also made him aware that he was not paying attention to his flying. Perhaps that had been Janeway's intention of complimenting him. Either way he should acknowledge her faith in him. "Thanks Captain."

"Sensors detect a large chamber up a head, Captain," Tuvok reported.

The Vulcan was correct, Tom soon found out, because _Voyager _was flying into a large cavern where they appeared to be thousands of _Voyagers _and the alien ship. _Oh just fabulous, this day keeps getting better and better._

Chakotay was the one to voice the opinion that they all were thinking. "What the hell is it?"

"We appear to be seeing _Voyager _and the alien ship reflecting off the walls of the chamber," Harry informed the bridge crew.

"Can you determine which ship is the real one?" Janeway said, suddenly appearing to his left.

"No Captain. The walls are emanating severe electromagnetic interference. I cannot scan them directly," Tuvok replied.

"It's like trying to navigate through a hall of mirrors," Janeway said. "You never know when you're going to walk into the glass."

Tom peered up at her. "I'm still picking up the alien's ion trail; maybe we should still follow that?"

"They might have left a fake ion trail to lure us in here," Chakotay replied. "It may lead us straight into one of those walls."

"That's a chance we're going to have to take," Janeway said, turning about to Tuvok. "Commander, extend the deflectors to maximum range. If we do run into something it will give us an extra margin of error. Follow the ion trail Mister Paris, slowly. Mister Kim, continuous scans."

"Aye Captain."

Captain Janeway's assessment of the chamber, like it was a hall of mirrors, was pretty accurate Tom concluded after starting to follow the ion trail again. He tried his best to navigate the maze as it were, but he wasn't sure when or if he was going to crash the ship into a wall at any moment. _Just what Janeway needs today, me wrecking Starfleet's most advanced ship._

He felt something brush against his arm and could see out of the corner of eye Michael squeeze his way in between the conn and his mother so he could stand with Janeway. Even though the captain had told him before to stay in her chair, she gently weaved her hand through his hair in a gesture that Tom had received from his mother when he needed comforting as a child. Right now his deep blue eyes were watching the viewscreen intensely but anyone could see the nervous strain on his little face. As frightening as it was for the rest of them, they were trained officers, they knew how to deal with a situation like this. Michael was a child, a very bright child, but still a child. The thought that they were hunting down an alien that had stolen Neelix's lungs must have been a terrifying concept for him.

Janeway must have realized this as well. "Michael, why don't you go into the ready room and check on Ava."

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea," he answered. "I don't want her to get scared and all."

With a hint of smile Tom watched as the boy moved past him and disappeared into the ready room. He had to admit that even though he had not been thrilled when he had first learned of the kids being on board, the boy was starting to grow on him and who could resist Ava's big blue eyes? They were a nice little moral boaster to have around even if at times Michael went tinkering into conduits and consoles that he really shouldn't be tinkering with.

His console beeped. Tom glanced down at his controls to see what the issue was. "Captain," he said. "I'm reading a minor fluctuation in the warp core. I don't think it's anything to worry about."

But even as he said those words the power started to drain all over the ship.

Janeway tapped her combadge. "Janeway to Torres, what's going on down there?"

"_Some kind of power drain,_" B'Elanna Torres answered. "_I can't localize it but we're losing power at a rate of seven percent per minute._"

"The power drain is coming from somewhere in this chamber, Captain," Harry told her. " Some kind of dampening field. It's bleeding energy directly from the warp nacelles."

"B'Elanna shut down the warp core and go to emergency power," Janeway ordered Torres.

"_No effect Captain._"

"Keep me informed, bridge out," Janeway said, turning towards Harry. "Ensign Kim can you pin point the source of the dampening field?"

"It appears to be coming from two one seven mark zero one five, distance five hundred and forty seven meters."

"Tuvok, what would happen if we locked phasers and fired at the source?"

"The walls of the chamber reflect directed energy. The phaser beam would ricochet along an unpredictable path, possibly impacting with our ship in the process."

"Alright, we won't try that."

Tom grinned at conn. Janeway's dry sense of humor was unlike anything he had seen in a Starfleet captain. _She's in a class all her own. _

"Maybe we should," Chakotay spoke up. "What would happen if we the phaser power to a minimum setting and sent out a continuous beam?"

"The phaser would continue to reflect off of the bulkheads until it encountered a non reflective material," Tuvok answered.

"Like the real alien ship," Chakotay replied.

Tom was intrigued. On paper it sounded like a good idea, and he realized it was the only one they had at this point.

"We'd be using the phaser's like a search light, scan the interior of the station until we find the alien ship," Janeway conversed.

"Exactly."

"Do it."

The phaser beam shot forth from the bow of the ship and soon created a tangled web of orange throughout the chamber bouncing off each of the reflected ships. Tuvok adjusted the phaser's so they wouldn't be harmful to _Voyager _if they managed to find their ship before the alien one.

"Wait a minute," Harry called out, "I think I've found the real ship."

"On screen."

The image on the viewscreen changed before him and Tom was looking at the alien ship with a phaser beam not reflecting off of it. The idea had actually worked. _That was easy._

"Mister Paris bring us within transporter range of that ship."

"Yes ma'am."

"I'm picking up two life signs," Harry said.

Tuvok gave a brief report next. "The alien ship is powering up engines."

"Bridge to transporter room three, lock onto those two life signs and beam them aboard."

Tom saw Janeway move swiftly across the bridge and enter the turbo lift with Sarah and Tuvok. He almost pitied them, having to make first contact under situations like this, of course Sarah had dealt with the Borg, and certainly this was a walk in the park compared to that.

Well, maybe. Janeway was not going to be happy that these aliens had led them on a chase and attacked one of her crewmen. He had only been on this ship a month and already he had seen her temper. Sarah was not only going to have the job of first contact she was going to have the job of calming Janeway down to make a good first contact. _Good first contact? How can it be good when they've already hurt one our crewmen? It's already gotten off on a bad foot._

"Tom, where's Mama?"

He looked up to see that Michael had now rejoined them on the bridge and with a rather cranky looking Ava. _Guess who just woke up. _"She went to the transporter room to get Neelix's lungs back. We beamed the aliens who took them on board."

"We found the alien's ship? And brought the aliens on board?"

"We did."

The boy looked worried. "Tom, they aren't going to hurt Mama are they? What if they want her lungs too?"

Tom blinked, noticing the glare that Chakotay gave him. _Right, the kid is five, too much information. _"Uh, well she took Commander Tuvok with her, and some security. They had phasers. I'm sure she'll be fine—,"

"But Neelix had a phaser too! It's standard procedure to bring a phaser on an away mission! And that didn't stop them from taking his lungs!" Michael gasped, fretful tears streaming down his cheeks.

_What the hell have I done? _He looked towards Chakotay for help, but the first officer shook his head, as if to tell him he had to get himself out of this mess. "Michael, listen, stop crying. Everything will be fine, promise."

This only seemed to make the boy cry harder, which made Ava start to cry and garner looks from the whole bridge crew his way. Tom felt like crawling into a hole and hiding for hours. Even more so when Michael wailed, "That's what Mama said when we hadn't heard from Daddy in three days! And he didn't come home!"

Tom felt his heart drop. He couldn't imagine what it had been like for the boy, who had been only three at the time, to lose his father. It must have been harder on Janeway trying to comfort him. But Janeway didn't have the option that Tom had now, glancing at Chakotay briefly, he called out, "Computer locate Captain Janeway."

* * *


	25. Chapter 25

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: I combined two chapters into one, that finishes up reposting _Phage. _

* * *

Kathryn stepped into the transporter room with Tuvok, Sarah, and two armed security officers as the transporter beam was initiated. She watched as two humanoid beings materialized out of the blue beam onto the pad and felt her knees go weak. There standing on the platform was quite possible the two most deformed beings she had every seen. Their skin was pink and raw in places, covered in skin graphs of varying shades and patterns. The hair that they had was stringy and fallen out, and one of them had a completely white eye.

She gestured for the security officers to force the aliens off of the transporter pad and have them sit down. They did so and moved away from the aliens so they could have a sight line to her. Kathryn placed her hands on her hips, trying to keep her composure. "You're on the starship _Voyager. _I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the United Federation of Planets."

"I'm Dereth," the one of the left said, "Of the Viidian Sodality."

"You attacked one of our crew members, and you lured us into this asteroid, why?" Kathryn demanded. She felt Sarah squirm at her side and took the fidgeting as her being uncomfortable with how she was handling this first contact. But she didn't care, she was tired, and one of her crew members had been viciously attacked. She wasn't in the mood to make nice. And to be bluntly honest she didn't think that these aliens deserved her being nice to them.

"We are gathering replacement organs and suitable biomatter," Dereth answered her. "It is the only way we have to fight the phage."

At least they were being forthcoming with information, even if it was information that was not particularly what she wanted to hear. "A virus? Some kind of disease?" _Oh god have I just infected the crew, myself, the children? No, Kathryn calm down, the bio-filters would have picked something up._

"Yes," the other Viidian spoke up. "It attacked our people over two millennia ago. It consumes our bodies, destroys our genetic codes and cellular structures."

"So you harvest the bodies of other beings to replace your own tissues as they're consumed by this…phage?" Kathryn said, her voice raising in disgust.

"Our immunotechnology cannot keep up. The phage adapts. It resists all attempts to destroy it. Our society has been ravaged. Thousands die each day. There is no other way for us to survive," the Viidian replied.

Kathryn glanced at the empty transporter pad for a moment, trying to gain her bearings. She felt…sympathy for what their people were going through, but that did not give them the right to harvest organs from perfectly healthy beings. That was murder in her book. She turned back towards the Viidians. "I have a great…sympathy for what your people have endured. But I cannot allow you to keep the organs you removed from one of our crew members. We need them back immediately."

"I'm afraid that isn't possible," Dereth replied. "I have already biochemically altered the air breathing organs and grafted them into Motura's body. They are a part of him now."

Suddenly she felt like she couldn't do this on her own. Kathryn turned her head, looking for some support and found both Tuvok and Sarah looking at her with sad eyes, well Sarah's eyes were sad, Kathryn didn't know how to explain Tuvok's, concerned perhaps?

Sarah took a step towards her. "Captain, our options are limited here. They've committed a serious crime against the Federation, protocol would clearly dictate that we hand them over to the proper authorities."

Kathryn knew this to be true. However, they were seventy thousand light years from their nearest authorities and she didn't have the man power to keep two prisoners on board for the duration of their trip just so they could either die along the way, or be tried in a Federation court. But what about Neelix? Didn't he deserve some...justice?

"He is my honatta!" Motura suddenly called out, catching her attention. "His task is to find the organs I need for survival. We… try to extract them from the dead…"

"But sometimes," Dereth continued, "when the need is immediate more aggressive actions are required."

Kathryn tried taking a calming breath, but it failed. "So now I'm left with the same choice you made— whether to commit murder to save a life or to allow my own crewman to die," she glared at Motura, and then snapped, "while you breathe air through his lungs."

"It must be impossible for you to understand," Motura said. "How any civilized people could come to…this. Before the phage began, we were known as educators and explorers— a people whose greatest achievements were artistic. I, myself, am a sculptor of note on my world. All I can say is that when your entire existence is at stake…"

"You don't have to explain yourself Motura," Dereth snapped, interrupting him.

"If the consequence of this act is a death sentence, so be it," Motura lamented. "At least it would put an end to my suffering."

Kathryn felt helpless. More helpless then she had felt when she had made the decision to destroy the Caretaker's array. "I can't begin to understand what your people have gone through," she said, as she started pacing back and forth. "They may have found a way to ignore the moral implications of what you're doing, but I have no such luxury. I don't have the freedom to kill you to save another! My culture finds that to be a reprehensible and entirely unacceptable act. If we were closer to home I would lock you up and turn you over to my authorities for trial, but I don't even have that ability here! And I'm not prepared to carry you forever in our brig!" Kathryn yelled, feeling her temper rising. She tried to catch her breath for a moment before continuing, it was proving to be difficult. "So I see no other alternative…but to let you go."

The two Viidians breathed a sigh of relief. Dereth looked like he was about to say something, but she stopped him, pointing a finger at him. "Take a message back to your people; if I ever encounter your kind again I will do whatever is necessary to protect my people from this…harvesting of yours. Any aggressive actions against this ship or its crew will be met by the deadliest force! Is that _clear_?"

"Quite," Dereth replied.

"Wait," Motura said, standing up. "I want to see this crewman of yours."

"That can serve no useful purpose," Dereth said.

"Maybe it can. Our medical technologies maybe superior to theirs," Motura replied, looking at Dereth.

"I can tell you, from what we've observed of them, they are considerably superior," Kathryn said, feeling her temper cooling down a bit.

"She spared my life—our lives," Motura argued with Dereth. "We owe it to them to see if there's anything we can do to help him."

Motura looked at her, and she nodded her head. "I'll take you to him."

Kathryn led the group out of the transporter room, Sarah on her heels. She felt the young woman pull up besides her while Tuvok and the security detail escorted the two Viidians behind them. She could tell, just from the anxious movements of the counselor that Sarah had something to say to her. "Something on your mind, Lieutenant?"

"Is this such a good idea, ma'am?"

"You heard what they said, Neelix's lungs are apart of Motura now," Kathryn replied. "We can't take his life to save another."

"I understand that Captain, but should we be allowing them more access to the ship? What if this is all some elaborate scheme, to get more organs from this crew?"

The question that Sarah had just posed had been one that Kathryn had wrestled with since they had first taken off after the alien ship and entered the asteroid. She had known at every twist and turn that her decision to follow the aliens could result in more people getting hurt, including herself, however, she was not about to let them get away with what they had done to Neelix. "I've thought about that Lieutenant, and we're just going to have to put our trust in these people."

"Trust?" Sarah rasped, her nerves obviously frayed from the story she had just heard in the transporter room. "These people are dying from a deadly disease, if that doesn't make someone desperate I don't know what does. And in my experience desperate people are the most dangerous."

Kathryn turned about on her heal in the turbo lift. "Your opinion is noted, Lieutenant, you're dismissed. Report back to the bridge."

As Tuvok and the security team entered the turbo lift with the Viidians, the Captain noticed her counselor's face pale at the tone of voice she had used, and the young woman sputtered, "But, Captain—."

"Now, Lieutenant," Kathryn said angrily. _You wanted her because she stepped on toes,_ she suddenly reminded herself. However, there was a time and place for everything, including stepping on toes of commanding officers; now was not one of those times. Her temper had already been raised by the Viidians and their lack of compassion for other beings, and here was an upstart young officer questioning her decision to allow them on her ship. _Now, who does she remind you of Kathryn? You weren't exactly a humble young officer. _"Tell Commander Chakotay I no longer require your services."

The doors to the lift shut in the surprised young woman's face and Kathryn snapped out, "Deck five."

The lift whirred to life and began its trip to the designated deck. As if she wasn't already in a bad mood, when she stepped into sickbay, Tuvok and the Viidians, and security on her heels, she was greeted with a loudly crying Michael. She wasn't expecting him to be there, just like she wasn't expecting the fierce pressure his arms around her legs was going to cause as he clung to her tightly, sobbing.

She even stumbled a little from the impact. "Doctor! What is going on?"

The hologram looked just as displeased as she felt. "Ask Mister Paris, he's the one who brought them down here."

_Them? _It was then that she noticed Ava sitting on the empty biobed next to Neelix's bed, opening and closing a medical tricorder. Tom must have been the one to give it to her, for he was leaning against the bed she was sitting on. "Lieutenant Paris, an explanation would be nice, please."

Tom straightened his form and looked at her sheepishly. "I'm sorry, ma'am. After you left to go to the transporter room Michael came back out of the ready room asking for you. I…I told him you had gone to meet with the aliens that had taken Neelix's lungs. He…he got a little upset. I tried telling him that everything was going to be fine, that the aliens weren't going to take your lungs…I even promised."

"But you promised too, Mama, when Daddy didn't call us," Michael sobbed into her uniform. "You said everything was going to be fine!"

Kathryn glared at the young man who was doing everything he could to avert her eyes. "I…appreciate that you're trying to help out Lieutenant, however, tracking me down _was _not the answer. I have work to do." _Not to mention I was meeting with aliens who stole organs from one of our crew members. _Even though she trusted the young man, he was an exceptional pilot, he was a little too impulsive for her tastes. "And, so don't you."

"Commander Chakotay gave me permission—."

"Do I have to honestly call a briefing together just to go over protocol?" Kathryn snapped, at wit's end. Sarah's testing her in the corridor, Tom bringing the children into a potential dangerous situation, and Chakotay allowing him to do so, had finally pushed her over the edge that she was teetering on since the meeting with Dereth and Motura had started.

Tom backed away. "No, ma'am, sorry ma'am."

She took a deep breath, and knelt down, prying Michael's arms from around her knees. "Honey, I'm fine. Now, take your sister and go back to our quarters. When I'm done here I'll stop in and check on you."

Michael wiped his nose on his red shirt sleeve, looking at Dereth and Motura. "Are those the aliens that took Neelix's lungs?"

"Yes."

"Are they going to give them back?"

Kathryn bit her lower lip briefly. "That's a rather complicated story, honey. But they're going to help him, if they can." She took his face in her hands and kissed his cheek. "Now, Lieutenant Paris is going to take you back to our quarters. I'll see you soon." Kathryn stood up, looked once again at Tom, and said, "Lieutenant?"

Tom snapped to life. "Oh right. Come on squirt," he said to Ava, picking her up off the biobed. The baby fussed slightly that the medical tricorder was left behind, but as is the nature of most babies, she soon found something else to keep her occuppied; playing with Tom's sandy blonde hair.

Kathryn watched them leave, and closed her eyes briefly trying to find her center. It was barely working when Dereth spoke up.

"Perhaps we should start, Captain."

She nodded her head, opening her eyes. She noticed that Dereth was running a similar device that Chakotay had brought back from the away mission over a nervous looking Neelix. Kathryn could hear it clicking and whirring while it took readings.

"His simulated organs are primitive. It's amazing he is still alive," Dereth said to the Doctor.

The hologram let out a frustrated sigh and moved away from the biobed. Dereth held the device towards Tuvok who, not wanting to take any risks, pulled out his phaser.

"This is set to scan only."

"Proceed…carefully."

Dereth nodded his head and proceeded to scan the Vulcan, then moved onto to Kes. He scanned each of the humans in the room before stopping at the Doctor. When he did so the device let out a monotone blare. "Strange," Dereth said pulling the device away from the hologram. "According to my readings, you are not here."

"Believe me, I wish I weren't," the Doctor responded sarcastically as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Kathryn could see that Dereth did not want to try to process what the hologram had just said, instead he turned to the group. "The rest of you are healthy," he said. "You are compatible for organ transplant."

"Wait a minute," the Doctor spoke up. "We've already considered this. Talaxian physiology is very different from that of anyone on this ship. His immune system would reject their lungs immediately."

"Your surgical knowledge is inferior," Dereth replied. "We will simply adapt his immungenocity. It won't be a problem. Now, which one of you will be donating a lung?"

Kathryn wasn't surprised to hear Kes say that she would. Neelix on the other hand was not happy with it. He immediately told her no. Kes moved to stand next to the biobed. "I want to do it, Neelix. I'm willing to take the risk! Besides you've done so much for me. Let me do this for you."

Neelix relented. "Alright."

Kathryn waited until the Doctor had taken Kes away to prepare her for surgery before she went to lean down to speak to Neelix. "I look forward to sampling your cooking Mister Neelix."

"You mean I can keep my kitchen?"

"Well," she replied with the first heart felt smile she had managed all day. "At least until we get the replicators back online."

"Thank you Captain."

Kathryn nodded her head and turned to go.

"And Captain," Neelix called out. "I'll see you at breakfast."

* * *

_Captain's log, supplemental; the aliens have successfully transplanted one of Kes' lungs into Neelix. The dampening field has been deactivated, and I have allowed them to beam back to their vessel. We are resuming a course home. In the meantime I have asked to see Lieutenant Paris and Counselor Barrett in my ready room to discuss a more personal problem._

* * *

Tom Paris was a little surprised to see Sarah Barrett enter the turbo lift with him. It was Wednesday, her day off the bridge and in her office. In fact, on those days, the bridge officers hardly saw her at all. So it was with that thought that he was not only surprised by her presence, but surprised by her appearance. She wasn't in uniform, opting to wear a navy blue jumpsuit and matching boots. Her hair was down, clipped at the temples with silver barrettes and he had not been aware of how long it was. It was well past her shoulders, coming to the middle of her back, and in thick, dark curls.

"Deck one," Sarah told the computer and it resumed its ascent. "I didn't think you worked Alpha shift on Wednesdays Tom."

"I ah, don't, Captain Janeway requested to see me at zero eight hundred hours," he replied.

She blinked, large thick eyelashes over blue eyes, "She asked to see me at the same time."

Tom grinned. "Well, I heard that you got her pretty riled up yesterday during the first contact with the Viidians. And I know I didn't win any brownie points upsetting her kid like that, perhaps she's relieving us of duty for a few days. Or better yet, maybe she's putting us in the brig together _alone_."

Sarah glared at him as the doors swished open. "Keep dreaming, Lieutenant Paris."

Was that a waver in her voice he detected? Usually when he teased her she answered back in a firm, sarcastic tone. That had been a little…on the reserved side. Maybe things were changing and he had not been aware of it.

They stepped out into the corridor and headed towards Janeway's ready room. "Either way, you have to admit that it's strange that she wants to see the both of us at the same time," he said.

"She could have just gotten her scheduling messed up," Sarah pointed out as they stopped at the ready room's door. "Right?"

"Highly unlikely," Tom said. "Well, are you going to do the honors? Or am I?" He asked after several seconds of both of them staring at the chime. Hesitantly Sarah reached out and pressed it.

Janeway's voice on the other side didn't sound gruff or harsh, she actually sounded like she was in a good mood. That boded well for Tom and Sarah, he thought as they stepped through the doors and into the room.

The Captain was sitting at her desk enjoying a cup of coffee thanks to the Viidians offering them some dilithium in exchange for Janeway sparing their lives. It seemed like a weird deal to Tom, but it got the replicators back online for a little while to say the least. He had heard rumors that morning that the Viidians had also pointed out a planetoid that really did have dilithium that they could mine and B'Elanna Torres had been working on her refinery all night. But they were just rumors and he didn't know how much merit to put to them.

"Lieutenants, have a seat."

Tom looked at the two chairs that Janeway was gesturing too. Slowly both he and Sarah took a seat opposite the Captain. She was smiling at them, softly. _What is going on in that head of hers? _Tom wondered as he settled into the chair.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I asked both of you here at the same time," Janeway started, reaching for a PADD that must have purposely been set aside for this meeting. "The reason I asked you here is that I have a question to ask, no, correction, I have a favor I need to ask of you both."

"A favor?" Sarah replied, arching a perfectly tweezed eyebrow. "What kind of favor ma'am?"

"The other morning you suggested that we find a teacher for Michael to give Tal sometime to breathe," Janeway replied. "Now, I've looked over your list, Counselor, but I'm not sure the people you recommended are the right ones for the job."

Sarah looked confused. "But, I made those suggestions on observations I made of Michael. He's comfortable around Commander Chakotay and the commander seems to have a good rapport with him as well. Lieutenant Carey has two boys of his own and Michael loves engineering, and the Delaney sisters worked childcare for years. Is there something that you were looking for specifically Captain that I wasn't aware of?"

Janeway shook her head. "No, your suggestions were good ones, and I agree with what you're saying, but I always say that the best teacher is the one that _learns _from the student as well as _teaches _the student." She paused to let the words sink in before continuing, "Now, you're both outstanding officers and in the short time that you have been serving under me I have yet to have reason to complain, however, you're both young, and in that sense you have a lot to learn. So, I'm asking you, Lieutenant Barrett, to be Michael's primary teacher, and then eventually Ava's as well. Lieutenant Paris would take them on the days that you are required to be in your office."

"Wait a minute," Tom said, finally speaking up. "You want _me _to teach your kid?"

Janeway grinned. "Yesterday showed me that you have a lot to learn about children Mister Paris."

Tom's face went red.

"Captain," Sarah said, "I'm not sure if I'm the best choice for this."

"You took child development and child psychology courses at the Academy did you not?"

"Well, yes, but those were required."

"You still took them," Janeway responded with a smile. "Ever since the accident Sarah I've noticed you retreating inside yourself. Chakotay is worried about you, Harry Kim has even mentioned his concerns for you, and I've also spoken to the Doctor about you. He claims that you are very close to suffering from post traumatic stress. Until yesterday I hadn't seen that step on the toes officer since you got back and even then I sensed that you were reluctant."

It was Sarah's turn for her cheeks to redden. "Captain, all the more reason not to put me with your children."

"Oh, no, this is the perfect thing for you to get your confidence back," Janeway responded. "Don't try to talk me out of this; I've already made up my mind. And I've been told on a few occasions that once I've made up my mind good luck talking me out of it."

Tom exchanged a glance with Sarah. He hadn't known she was having problems since the accident. Of course, she had been spending all that free time with Harry. He felt his jealousy rising again. Why was it making him so jealous? His best friend was moving on with his life. He should be happy for him, but he just could not.

"Where would we teach him?" Sarah was asking.

"I've approved the changes that will need to be made in a previously empty quarters on deck four," Janeway said. "Michael would report to you there from zero eight hundred until twelve hundred hours on the days you have bridge duty. It would be the same for you too Mister Paris, on the days that you have Beta shift."

He still wasn't convinced this was the right idea. "Captain, I know that Michael likes to hang out with me in the mess hall and all, but…what about my duties as medic? I'm already going to sickbay on those mornings."

Was it him or did Janeway's grin grow? "That's already been taken care of too, Mister Paris. The Doctor has requested to train Kes as a medic and I've decided that it's a good idea. He seems to think that she's very interested. More than you shall we say?"

_Well the kid is certainly better than the Doctor,_ Tom thought, still not quite sure if this was the right thing.

"You'll both have to work closely together to determine lessons, but I have the utmost faith in the both of you," Janeway said. She was handing Sarah a stack of PADDs. "I've already worked out a few of them myself, just to get you on your way and so you know what he's capable of. But after that, you're on your own."

Tom glanced at Sarah, who was looking at the first PADD. Working with her this closely might not such a bad thing. He was beginning to like this arrangement. She was handing him the first PADD. "Here," she said. "This is for you. I don't know a thing about history. That's going to be your area."

He grinned. "Yes ma'am."

"Tal of course would be ready to take Michael if an emergency situation comes up and I require you both on the bridge," Janeway said. "I'm not going to lie, this is going to a be new experience for all of us. Michael's never been in school, expect a preschool two days a week last year, and I'm not particularly up to date on what is being taught at what grade level. Subsequently this is all new to the two of you."

Sarah looked up from the lesson PADDs. "We'll do our best, Captain."

"I'm confident that you will."

* * *

Over an hour later, while she had a break between appointments, Sarah punched in the access code to the new school room. It had been the CMO's quarters, but had not been reassigned to anyone new on the crew, since most of the Maquis had filled out the lower decks. Sarah found that most of the personal belongings of their deceased doctor had been taken away and put in storage, to be delivered to his family if they ever got home. There was a large desk in one corner and a couple of smaller, child sized tables and chairs in the middle of the room facing a fresh view screen. Sarah smiled; perhaps Janeway was thinking that later down the road there would be more children, besides Michael and Ava. _It is a seventy five year trip after all, why wouldn't babies be born here._

She ran her fingers along the tiny chairs. "Computer lights at full please." The computer chirped and the lights came. She frowned at the sparse covered walls. She was going to have to do something about that.

When Janeway had first proposed the idea to her and Tom in the ready room she had to admit that she was terrified that the Captain thought she was the right person to be teaching her child. But now that she had the time to mull it over, she wasn't scared, nervous yes, but not scared. Maybe the Captain was right, maybe this would be a good learning experience for her and Tom.

Even thought this meant she had to be working closely with Tom, Sarah felt a little bit of pride that Janeway thought so highly of her to trust her with her child. It had been a long time since anyone had shown that kind of trust in her.

"Hey, I thought I might find you here," a voice said.

She glanced up to see Harry Kim enter the room with his hand behind his back. "Hi, word travels fast then if you knew I was going to be here."

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, you know what B'Elanna says though; small ship means that gossip moves through it faster than a Galaxy-class ship at warp."

Sarah chuckled. "It certainly does. What's behind your back?"

He pulled out a red apple. "I thought the new teacher would like an apple for her desk."

"Cute," Sarah said as he placed it in her hand.

"Hey, an apple a day keeps the doctor away," Harry retorted.

"Oh, and I want to keep the Doctor away for a long time," Sarah said. "I think he's seen enough of me too in the last two weeks."

Harry plopped down into the chair at the large desk. "So, _teacher, _what's on the agenda for tonight?"

"Looking over these lesson plans Captain Janeway has put together, I guess," Sarah replied, lowering her body down onto one of the kids' tables. "It's been a while since I was in kindergarten; I've got to brush up on my A-B-C's."

"Care to do them on the holodeck?"

"On the holodeck? Why, what do you have in mind?"

"I've saved up my rations and I've got two hours coming to me," Harry said. "I've just finished programming a new program. You could look over those plans while we picnic in Central Park, circa early twentieth century."

Had he just asked her out on a date? Sarah smiled. "If you pack the basket I'll be there."

Harry returned her smile. "I think I can manage that."

* * *

When Kes opened her eyes after the surgery she was certain that it was the next day. She felt well rested despite the light headness and shortness of breath. She assumed it was going to take a while for her lung to adapt to being the only one that she had now. But it felt good to help Neelix, he had done so much for her. She just wished that he wasn't so jealous of Tom Paris. There was nothing going on between her and Tom, the young pilot had just been very supportive and been a good friend during the whole ordeal.

The Doctor was standing over her. "It's alright," he told her, "the operation was a success. Neelix is asleep and breathing on his own now…with your lung."

"I feel a little light headed," she said.

"That will pass," the Doctor replied. "You'll soon adapt to diminished lung capacity. I spoke to the Captain about you. She's given me permission to begin training you as a medical assistant. Apparently she thinks that Mister Paris is better suited for helping Lieutenant Barrett teach her son, why I'm not sure, but I'm going to need a replacement for him. That is, if you're interested?"

Kes smiled. "Of course I'm interested. When do we start?"

"We'll begin your lessons as soon as you've fully recovered," the hologram answered, returning her smile. He turned to go so she could rest.

"Thank you Doctor," she called out.

He stopped and looked at her. "No, thank you. You've given me… a lot to think about."

Kes watched him walk away and then allowed her eyes to drift to Neelix who was sleeping peacefully on the bed next to hers, now out of the restraint. With a faint smile, Kes drifted back to sleep, content that everything really was going to be fine now.

* * *


	26. Chapter 26: In a Matter of Moments

A/N: I told you I wanted to move quickly back to writing, so here is the reposting of _In a Matter of Moments. _Look for more tomorrow!

* * *

_**IN A MATTER OF MOMENTS**_

In the early morning light two beings could be seen materializing out of a blue transporter beam. Their sudden appearance must have startled the local birds, because they all flew away quickly, squeaking and squawking as they went.

Lieutenant Tom Paris shifted the backpack he was wearing onto one shoulder and looked around. He had done a pretty good job of picking a camping spot on a planet that he had never visited before. With satisfaction he took his pack off and smiled at his travel companion. "So, what do you think sport?"

Five year old Michael Janeway grinned. "This is great! I can't believe Mama let you take me."

"Well," Tom said, "I convinced her that it would be a good learning experience for you since Lieutenant Barrett is teaching you about habitats right now. So, what do you think of the forest habitat so far?" He turned about at the sound of another transporter beam and saw their camping gear materialized a few feet from them. "Ah, tent's here. Let's put it tpgether before going to explore, alright?"

Michael nodded his head and dropped his little duffle bag, one covered with starships, to the ground. "Okay, sounds good." He began to help Tom take out the tent. "Daddy used to take me camping…I think. I…I can't remember."

Tom frowned. He had not wanted this camping trip to be a reminder of the father that the child had lost a little over a year ago. He had wanted this to be a reprieve from _Voyager _and having to live his life out on the confines of a starship. And he admitted, the boy needed to get away from his mother and sister from time to time. If his father was alive, the camping trip would have been the perfect father/son getaway. However, Tom reminded himself, that circumstances were what they were and he was going to do his best to fill the void that Michael no doubt was feeling. "He did, your mom told me," he lied. Kathryn Janeway had never said anything about her late husband taking her son camping, but it sounded like the right thing to say at the time.

"Really?" Michael asked, face lighting up.

"Yep, really," Tom said, laying out the pieces of the tent. "Okay, let's see how much I remember of my camping days with my father."

"Your dad took you camping?"

"Uh-huh."

"Mama doesn't like camping," Michael said as he handed Tom the next piece to the tent. "I think it's because Grandpa Janeway took her camping all the time as a kid. I wish I could have met him, I think Mama misses him a lot. Do you miss your family Tom?"

Tom bit down on his lip as they finished getting the rest of the frame up. The truth was that he did not miss his family because he had it in his mind that they did not miss him. But how could he tell that to a little boy who still held his parents in awe? "Of course I miss them. But don't worry; your mom is going to get us home."

Michael kicked a stone across the campsite. "Mama misses home. Sometimes when she thinks I'm sleeping but I am not, I can hear her crying."

_Kathryn Janeway, cry? _The idea sounded so foreign to Tom. It was amazing how this little boy was making Janeway so much more…human and real to him. Before he had taken on the task of helping Sarah teach the kid he had believed Janeway to be a cold, commanding, typical Starfleet captain, like his father had once been, however, he was beginning to think otherwise. She just wasn't a captain, she was also a mother, someone's daughter, had been someone's wife. Why wouldn't she cry?

"We all miss home, Michael," Tom pointed out as he threw the cloth covering over their tent. "Everyone handles that missing differently."

"So it's alright that Mama cries?"

_Well I wouldn't say that, but I guess it's better than her feeling nothing at all. _"Everyone needs a good cry now and then."

"Even you, Tom?"

"Even me." Tom stepped back from the now completed tent and spread his arms. "How's this? Our home away from home?"

"I like it," Michael proclaimed, happily. "Can we go swimming now?"

Tom laughed. "Sure sport."

"Great! I'll get my bathing suit on!"

Tom watched as the boy disappeared inside the newly put up tent and then went to sit down on a log near by. The day was going to be warm, you could already feel it in the way the sun warmed your face when you turned towards it, and by his estimate it was zero nine hundred hours. The sun wasn't even at its highest peak yet. When the breeze blew he could smell something that reminded him of the large cedar pines back on Earth in the national park that his father had taken him camping on countless occasions.

For some reason the scent made him feel a bit uneasy. His childhood wasn't necessarily a happy one. Maybe that's why he had bonded with Michael so quickly. At the age of five Michael had already seen the death of his father at the hands of the Borg and now was facing spending his entire life on _Voyager, _in the Delta Quadrant.

Most children his age, Tom realized, lived in houses and played together on playgrounds. Michael's playground was a vast, uncharted part of space. And while most five year olds knew very little of the universe they lived in, Michael had already had a taste of the harsh realities of life. Then there was little Ava. The baby girl had not even known her father, she had been bounced around from her grandmother's house, to her aunt's, to her uncle's, and finally back to her mother's so Janeway could keep up with her career. And the only home that the child was going to know was going to be a starship. She would have no recollection of her family in Indiana and California, or the places that she was taken care of while there. _No wonder Captain Janeway was crying._

"I'm all set Tom."

Tom stood up, brushed off his civilian tan pants and said, "Alright kid, let's go."

"Aren't you going to put your swim suit on?" Michael asked, holding tightly to his towel that had a picture of the original _Enterprise_on it.

"I can swim in my pants," Tom replied. "I have plenty of clothes to change into later. Besides, do you want to wait around for me to change when we really could be enjoying that crystal clear lake down there?"

"Race ya!" Michael called out, taking off for the lake. Tom decided to give him a head start before running after him, vaguely aware that the winds were starting to pick up.

Captain Kathryn Janeway hardly looked like a captain, Chakotay realized, at least not that day. He had beamed down to Fyoth for a trip into the capital city and had come across his commanding officer in the busy market square. She was dressed in a simple blue sun dress that accented her slender features; her hair was not up in a bun, but rather down and flowing in unruly waves down her back. At the moment she was leaning down in front of Ava's stroller, looking like she was trying to negotiate with the baby.

It was a different side to her that he had yet to see. Even when the children had been on the bridge, before Tal had taken over to care for them during Janeway's duty shifts, she had been firm and at times cold with them. However, seeing her like this, leaning down to be at eye level with her toddler, made him aware that she did indeed have a softer, warmer side to her. Their circumstances just did not allow that side of her to shine through and the thought of that saddened him.

She was smiling at the baby now and he could faintly hear Ava giggling. Even her smile in this setting was different. It was loving, it was motherly. Her smile on the bridge was crafty, sometimes filled with mischief. Chakotay felt a smile of his own tug at the corners of his mouth as he saw it. He was finally seeing that there was more to Kathryn Janeway than met the eye and he wished that he could get her to come out of her shell a little. It would make things for her, and the crew, better in the long run.

Maybe she didn't know how to come out of that shell, more so now that she was, in fact on her own. _She must be incredibly lonely, _the thought struck him as she straightened her form and began to move the stroller through the crowds again, looking at the various booths along the way.

"Here I got us something that looks like Italian Ice," B'Elanna Torres' voice said in his ear. He had been about to go and catch up to Janeway and ask her to join him when his old Maquis friend startled him. "I can't believe how hot it is here."

Chakotay turned slightly to glance at her over his shoulder as she handed him a pinkish concoction that did indeed look like Italian Ice. "Thanks," he said, turning about to see if he could find Janeway, but the small woman had managed to snake her way through the crowds and disappear in the short time that it took to be handed an ice cream. "Damn," he muttered out loud.

"Damn what?" B'Elanna said, between bites of her heat relief.

"Nothing," Chakotay replied, realizing that he had spoken out loud. "Just…lost someone in the crowd."

"Oh, someone that we know?" she said with a smirk.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I think so," he lied. "I'm not sure."

B'Elanna eyed him with her dark eyes, trying to peel back the many layers. "Chakotay, what's going on? You're melancholy all of a sudden."

Chakotay couldn't be sure why he was. He had been looking forward to the shore leave. After more than a month of no vacation time the whole crew was feeling the strain. Even Janeway had beamed down here to the peaceful planet of Fyoth with her daughter to take some much needed time off. It had been her appearance that he sent him into this mood and the realization that if B'Elanna was not with him he would have gone after Janeway. "Maybe it's the heat."

"It's more than the heat," B'Elanna said. "When I left you to go get this it was just as hot and you were in a good mood."

Again he shrugged his shoulders. He couldn't tell B'Elanna the real reason that he was down. She would laugh at him. She wasn't very fond of Janeway and would remark that the Captain had it coming to her for stranding them out here. Chakotay raised his eyes to his friend's. "Okay, real reason. I saw someone that I thought could use a little…company. And before I could ask…them if they wanted to join us…I lost them in the crowd."

"Well if that isn't cryptic I don't know what is," B'Elanna replied.

Chakotay ignored her and worked on his frozen treat. He wasn't in the mood to deal with her sarcastic remarks. "Speaking of people joining us," he spoke up after several seconds of silence. "I'm surprised that you didn't ask Harry Kim to join you."

Her cheeks pinked a little. "Why are you surprised that I didn't ask Harry?"

"Because you and he seem close," Chakotay pointed out. "And I think it would be good for you B'Elanna to make new friends."

B'Elanna threw her empty cup away in a nearby trash disposal. "Who's to say I didn't ask Harry to come with me?"

"So you did ask?"

"Yes I asked."

"And…."

"And he said he had other plans."

"Oh," Chakotay said. "Sarah Barrett?"

B'Elanna rolled her eyes. "How did you ever guess?"

Chakotay didn't answer because he knew the answer already as much as she did. There was definitely something going on between the two officers, however discrete they were trying to be. At least that was the rumor floating about the ship. Neither Sarah, nor Harry for the matter, had confirmed such rumors to be true. However, when the two went off to have a picnic on the holodeck, or for a stroll along the beaches of Fyoth, one had to wonder what was really going on. "Do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

"Please," B'Elanna scoffed. "Jealous of what?"

"I don't know," Chakotay offered, "perhaps Sarah? I know you B'Elanna, quite well in fact, and I know how you feel about…human women." They began to walk through the crowds again and he knew that she was doing her best not to comment on what he was saying. "Let's face it, the girl is breathtaking and has a fiery personality. Remind you of anyone that you know?"

She frowned. "I don't want to talk about this and yes she does remind me of someone I know, someone I'd rather not remember."

"So you don't like to think of yourself," Chakotay replied, with a grin.

"I may have a _fiery _personality, but I am not breathtaking like Sarah Barrett," B'Elanna snapped, the winds picking up and blowing stray pieces of hair in her face. "In case you have forgotten that I was graced with Klingon genes as well as human. In my opinion they're not a pretty mix."

"That's your opinion," Chakotay said. "Maybe Ensign Kim will think differently."

A crash of thunder startled both of them before she could answer. The sky had suddenly become angry and Chakotay had never seen a thunder storm move so quickly in his life as he did at that moment. Lightening was flashing; the rain began to pour from the sky as it opened up above them. The winds were fierce and even for him it was hard to keep his balance. B'Elanna had to grip onto his arm just to keep hers. A thought accosted him then. Kathryn and Ava.

Pushing B'Elanna towards shelter he told her to request an emergency beam out.

"Where are you going?" she screamed over the roaring winds. "You shouldn't be out there!"

"That's an order Lieutenant! Get back to _Voyager!_"

He was sure that she was cursing him in both Klingon and English but he didn't really care. He took of through the pouring rains and harsh winds. As he trudged along, he came to the realization that he had no idea how far Kathryn had walked with the baby. Maybe she had even beamed back to _Voyager. _Another flash of lightening and crash of violent thunder, this time a gust of wind pushed him at least five feet forward. It took him several seconds to regain his footing, but he didn't turn back and call for a beam out, not until he knew that the Captain and the baby were both safe.

Chakotay had been first aware of his intense desire to protect her two weeks ago when Neelix had been attacked by the Viidians and Kathryn had wanted to take an away team back down to the surface to look for the individual who was responsible. He had argued with her and eventually won out, using her children as the final punch.

But he had been in control of that situation. He had no control now.

Up a head he could see the stroller. Twisted and crumpled against a metal vending booth. He felt his heart drop as he struggled to get to it. Pulling back the twisted layers he found the baby not in the stroller. Maybe they had abandoned the stroller to find shelter faster. He could only hope that was the case.

Another gust of wind picked up him up, he literally felt his feet leaving the ground. He landed on his behind a few feet from the damaged stroller. Grumbling he picked himself up, and that's when he caught sight of Kathryn. She had her back to a column of a large building, a library of some sorts if Chakotay remembered correctly, and the baby was safely nestled inside her arms. He tried calling out her name, but he was sure that the sound of his voice was drowned in the wind. Stumbling forward underneath the protective confines of the building's covered front patio, he tried raising her again.

Kathryn didn't move. Ava lifted her little head from her mother's chest and peered up at him with frightened blue eyes.

"Captain!" he gasped again, falling to his knees. He then noticed the gash across her forehead. The force of the wind must have knocked her into something, the stroller, the ground, he wasn't sure, but it didn't surprise him that she had managed to get her baby to safety first before falling unconscious. Ava started to sob then, reaching her tiny arms out to him.

Chakotay took the child into his arms as he fumbled with his combadge. "Chakotay to _Voyager!_"

"_Go ahead Commander," _Tuvok's even voice responded.

"I need an emergency beam out, directly to sickbay! Lock onto my combadge and beam three up!"

"_Aye sir. It may take us several seconds to get a lock on you; the storm is interfering with our targeting scanners._"

"Fine! But do it as fast as you can! The Captain's injured!"

It felt like an eternity before he felt the familiar sensations of the transporter beam whisking them away, back to the safety of _Voyager. _This shore leave had gone from restful and peaceful to terrifying in a matter of moments. Chakotay prayed that no one else had been hurt in the storm that had ravished the city, but somewhere deep down he knew that that was not going to be the case.

She was aware of the baby crying even before her eyes opened. The memories pummeled her already groggy mind as the wails of her child accosted her ears. She had been conversing with a friendly Fyothan vendor, one hand gently resting on the handle bar of the stroller, when the skies above them had turned suddenly violent. Raging winds, angry thunder, and pouring rain had been upon them in moments. The vendor had packed his things up and told her to find shelter.

It was best to wait out the storm.

She had pushed the stroller, or tried to push the stroller. The wind was stronger than she was and deciding that it was probably a lost cause, had unbuckled the baby. The gust of wind caught her off guard and the baby had fallen to her knees when she stumbled and fell while getting out of the stroller. Panic had over taken her as she made sure the baby was unhurt. It was nothing but a couple of scraped knees.

Her face soaked with rain, she had protectively wrapped her baby in her arms and tried desperately to move through the winds to shelter. With her face cast downward she had not been aware of the piece of debris that had been caught up in the gusty winds and was heading straight for her. Someone must have yelped a warning for she twisted away just as the debris caught her in the side of the head.

The market square had blurred then and she had one thought, _get the baby to safety._

"Ava!" Kathryn Janeway shouted eyes wide with terror as she sat straight up on the biobed. Her vision was still clouded. She could make out the forms of two people standing around the bed, but they were the forms of two adult men, that she was sure of. Not her Ava, not her baby. She could hear the baby crying from somewhere in the room. It took her several moments to realize that she was in sickbay, on _Voyager, _and not struggling to find a place to wait out the storm that had suddenly hit while she had been sightseeing with the baby down on the planet.

A pair of strong, yet gentle hands was pushing her back down onto the biobed. "Captain," a soft voice said, "you need to rest."

Kathryn shook her head, damp locks of hair falling into her eyes. "No, no, I need to see her!" She was painfully aware of how weak her voice sounded. She struggled to get up again, but the hands continued to hold her down. She just didn't have the strength to fight whoever was holding her down. "Please," she pleaded now, tears beginning to creep into the corners of her eyes, "I just need to make sure she's alright."

"Captain, really you should rest," another voice said, this one a bit more harsh. "Kes is taking care of the baby now. As soon as she's done taking care of her wounds, I'll have Kes bring her over so you can see her, but until then, Captain, you need to rest."

_Wounds? Oh, god was she more seriously hurt then I remember? Is that why she's screaming right now? _This time she found the strength to push the hands away and sit up. "Wounds? You expect me to rest when my baby is injured!"

"I think the Doctor just chose he words…poorly, Captain," Chakotay's voice caught her attention and she realized that it had been him who had spoken to her first. He had been the one to be holding her back. "Ava's fine, scraped knees, cold, wet, and frightened, but will make a full recovery. I'm sure she'll be wandering around your quarters getting into things she shouldn't be in no time, Captain."

Kathryn tried to steady her breathing. "Commander, I want to see my daughter, now. That's an _order._"

The Doctor opened his mouth to protest but a seething look from the first officer shut it. "Aye Captain," Chakotay said, softly, relenting, "Kes, bring Ava over here please."

Kathryn could see the young Ocampa come from around the wall that separated the surgical area from the rest of the sickbay carrying Ava. The last bit of resolve that she had melted away when she finally saw that her baby was indeed fine and she reached her arms out to the child.

Ava practically leapt into her mother's arms, burying her face against her mother's chest. Her tiny body was shaking with violent shivers and she was soaking wet from the rain. "Someone get me a blanket," Kathryn hissed out, "before she catches a cold!"

Kes looked mortified that she had not thought of getting a blanket for the baby and quickly disappeared from the room only to emerge with a Starfleet issued blanket a few moments later.

Kathryn took the blanket from her and gently, but tightly wrapped it around the toddler. The shivers immediately stopped and Ava began to stop crying, sticking her thumb in her mouth and snuggling up to her mother. Kathryn rocked her in her arms until her eyes began to sleepily close. She was aware that Chakotay, Kes, and the Doctor were standing near by, witnessing a side of her that they probably had never even imagined existed but at the moment in time she didn't care.

"Captain, maybe we should call Tal," Chakotay finally suggested, well after Ava had fallen asleep.

Kathryn shook her head. He was not about to take her baby away from her, not now, not when Kathryn still needed to hold her just to calm herself down. He could not possibly understand what it had felt like in those horrifying minutes of trying to protect her daughter and not having any control of their situation. Could he?

She peered up into his face. His handsome features were wrought with concern, for her? For the baby? He was in civilian attire and dripping wet too, his black hair plastered to his forehead. "Commander, you don't need to be here," she told him.

"I want to be here, Captain," the words were few, but they meant a lot to her. "If they need me on the bridge, they'll call for me."

Kathryn didn't want him to go, but felt the need to tell him otherwise, "I appreciate your concern for me…for Ava, but really Commander, you should go tend to yourself. You must be cold standing around in your wet clothes like this."

"_Tuvok to Chakotay._"

Chakotay pressed his combadge. "Go ahead Tuvok."

"_You wanted me to inform you when we located Lieutenant Barrett and Ensign Kim; they should be transporting back to Voyager in the next ten minutes._"

"Good, have them report to me the moment they arrive."

"_Understood Commander, Tuvok out._"

Kathryn suddenly realized that she might not have been the only one of her crew caught up in that storm; Chakotay's appearance was a blaring reminder that shore leave had been granted. She was foolish to think that she had been the only one down on the planet when the storm hit. "Was anyone else hurt in the storm?"

The Doctor shook his head. "Minor cuts and bruises," he replied. "You, so far, have been the most serious."

"So far? What do you mean by so far?"

"We're having trouble locating our people on the northern continent, where the storms have hit; the electromagnetic activity is interfering with our targeting scanners. B'Elanna is working on it right now, but I'm sure it will go a lot faster when Ensign Kim beams back on board," Chakotay replied. "So far we haven't had any calls for emergency beam outs so we have to assume that everyone is alright."

Kathryn frowned. "I should get to the bridge."

"No," Chakotay said, forcefully. "You heard the Doctor, Captain, you need to rest. I can handle the beam outs. When everyone is safely back on board, I'll let you know."

She glared at him even though she knew he was right.

He cocked a grin. "Besides, Ava looks quite comfortable. I wouldn't want to wake her up."

_He's right again. _If there was anything worse than a cranky baby it was a cranky baby that had been woken up. And she had to admit she was quite comfortable where she was, holding her sleeping daughter. "Very well, Commander," she relented, suddenly feeling extremely tired. "Keep me updated regularly."

"Yes, ma'am."


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: More, like I promised. I'm starting to feel my writing muse come back. Does a happy dance hopefully this means that I will have something new for you all soon!!

* * *

The sand felt warm underneath her bear feet. Sarah Barrett dug her toes a little deeper into the white sand and leaned back a little on her elbows. There was a warm breeze blowing and it tickled her cheeks. You could hear the waves of the ocean crashing in the distance and for a brief moment, if she closed her eyes and pretended she was home on Earth, it felt like she was sitting on one of Bermuda's famed beaches.

But they weren't in Bermuda. They were on a planet called Fyoth, in the middle of the Delta Quadrant.

Neelix had encountered one of their kind on a recent trade mission and had brought him back to _Voyager. _Relations had only blossomed more from there. The Fyothans were a hospitable people and had welcomed the crew of _Voyager _with open arms. They had been allowing the crew to beam down in droves to enjoy shore leave. Captain Janeway had even taken Michael and Ava with her into one of the cities to go to an art museum. Sarah had used that little trip in her up coming lesson for Michael.

For now though, she was enjoying the warm beach with Harry Kim, who was lying on his back, arms behind his head, cloud gazing. Every so often he would tell her that this or that cloud looked like something and she would laugh. He was such a big kid at times; it was refreshing however to be with him and his big kid ways, since she had to deal with the emotional problems of one hundred and fifty people on a daily basis. She knew that the shore leaves were going to do wonders for crew morale and she had been enthralled when Janeway had agreed to it.

"I could lye here all day," Harry said.

She looked down at him. His face had bronzed considerably in the two hours that they had been sitting out there. "Well, don't get too comfortable. We have to report back to _Voyager _in a few hours."

Harry chuckled. "Do you think anyone would miss us?"

"I'm pretty sure that our absence will not go unnoticed," Sarah said, smiling. She gazed back out at the beach. "It's too bad B'Elanna didn't take you up on your offer or join us. She seems so on edge whenever I speak to her. I think she could have used this."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know what's going on with her to be honest with you. Whenever I tell her to come and join us for lunch, she refuses and sits with Seska or another Maquis friend. But, whenever I ask her to join just me, she usually does. It's awkward, really. It's like she's afraid of you or something."

"We didn't exactly get off on the right foot, remember?"

"Yeah, but still," Harry said. "She could give you a second chance; she did Lieutenant Carey and look how well they're getting along now."

Sarah playfully hit him on the arm. "You know what I think?"

Harry pretended that she had hurt him by rubbing his arm. "No, what?"

"I think she has a crush on you!" He turned a bright shade of red over his bronzed skin and she laughed. He could be so naïve at times. "Really, think about it Harry, she doesn't like sitting with us, but she'll _gladly _sit with you. What other reason could she possibly have other than that she has a crush on you?"

"B'Elanna doesn't have a crush on me," he retorted sitting up. "She calls me Starfleet all the time. Still, after over a month of serving on the same ship together."

"She already has a pet name for you," Sarah giggled.

"It's not a pet name," Harry argued. "And she does not have a crush on me."

Sarah continued to giggle and was surprised when she could hear another voice, calling her name. "_Voyager to Lieutenant Barrett._" With an angry little sigh she reached into her beach bag and produced her combadge. _What could Tuvok possibly want now? _

Pressing the combadge between small fingers, she replied, "Go ahead Commander."

"_A series of storms have appeared over the northern continent," _Tuvok told them, in a crisp, even tone. "_Commander Chakotay has ordered everyone back to Voyager. I'm sorry that your shore leave has been cut short. He also requests to speak to you and Ensign Kim upon your return."_

Sarah frowned. They weren't anywhere near the northern continent, in fact they were on the other side of the planet. But orders were orders. "Understood, Commander. Just give us a few moments to pack up. Barrett out." She got to her feet and began to gather up her things, the blanket, the beach bag, the picnic lunch that Harry had so carefully packed that they had barely touched. Harry managed to lumber to his feet, muttering how he could have laid there all day again. Sarah pressed her combadge again. "_Voyager, _two to beam up."

The transporter beam was soon sweeping them up and they were rematerializing on the pad in transporter room one. B'Elanna Torres, dressed in a pretty olive colored sun dress, was manning the controls. She looked just as surprised to see the two of them together on the pad as they were as seeing her dressed in civilian attire like that. Sarah had never seen B'Elanna look so…feminine. And from the look on Harry's face, he had never seen it either.

She nearly laughed out loud if it weren't for the awkward tension in the room. _Wait a minute, is B'Elanna jealous…of me? _"Thanks Lieutenant," Sarah said, stepping off of the pad.

"Ah, sure," B'Elanna replied, still staring at them. "I wasn't expecting you…I guess I'm having problems with the targeting scanners."

Harry nearly stumbled off of the transporter pad. "Maybe I can help you with those?" He sheepishly turned dark eyes to Sarah. "That is, if you don't think Commander Chakotay is going to be upset at me for not reporting to him like requested?"

Sarah cocked a grin. "I'll let him know that you're helping Lieutenant Torres. I'll see you later."

With that, she exited the room, shaking her head slightly. _Should I be more…jealous? _She thought as she walked the corridor. After all, rumor was that her and Harry were a couple now. But she wasn't jealous, and she knew that there was nothing romantic between them. _Let the crew think what they want, if it makes them feel better. _Harry was just being a good friend when he had checked up on her during her recovery, when he had taken her to the holodeck for a picnic, and when he had asked her to join him on the beach. What the crew didn't know was that he had asked B'Elanna to the beach first. And she had declined.

Why she had declined, especially after witnessing her reaction to seeing the two of them standing on the transporter pad, Sarah wasn't sure.

"Computer, locate Commander Chakotay."

"_Commander Chakotay is in sickbay."_

Sarah entered a turbo lift and hastily called out, "Deck five." The lift whirred to life and her thoughts settled on why Chakotay was in sickbay. Had he been injured in the storms that Tuvok had mentioned? Stepping out into the corridor on deck five she nearly plowed into the first officer. "Commander!"

Chakotay straightened his from and smiled at her. "In a hurry Lieutenant?"

"You wanted to see me sir?"

"Yes, where's Harry? I thought the two of you went off to the beach together?" he asked her with a sly grin.

Why did she have the intense urge to wipe that grin off his face? "We did, Harry's helping Lieutenant Torres in the transporter room with the targeting scanners." It was then that she noticed that he was dripping wet. "Get caught in the rain, Commander?"

"You could say that," Chakotay responded, dryly, looking down at his button down shirt. "B'Elanna and I had gone into the capital city to spend the day sightseeing when the storm hit."

"Sounds like this storm packed quite a punch," Sarah said.

He shivered. "It did."

"_Torres to Chakotay._"

Chakotay reached up and tapped his combadge. "Go ahead, B'Elanna."

"_I think you might want to come down to transporter room one, we've...developed a problem._"

"I'm on my way, Chakotay out."

Sarah hurried after him into the turbo lift and they proceeded to the same transporter room that she had just left. They found Harry and B'Elanna standing on the pad, the half Klingon holding something in her hand.

"Report," Chakotay barked.

"We were trying to beam Lieutenant Paris and Michael Janeway up, reports indicate that their camping site was in the thick of the storm activity," B'Elanna was the one to answer, her eyes meeting the commander's. "When we initiated transport, all we got were these."

As she held her hand out Sarah could make the crumpled forms of two communicators. They certainly did have a problem on their hands and in a matter of moments shore leave had suddenly changed to a search and rescue mission.

* * *

"We're going to need as many emergency kits as you can spare, Doctor," a voice trickled through her sleepy mind. Kathryn Janeway stirred, but did not wake up fully. Tightening her arms around the sleeping baby, she tried to drift back to a full sleep.

The Doctor's voice floated into her subconscious mind now. "Correct me if I'm wrong, Commander, but can't you just beam them on board?"

"No," Chakotay's voice cut through the haze. "B'Elanna and Harry already beamed their combadges up. And our sensors cannot penetrate the electromagnetic interference from the storms to search for human life signs. Weather charts are indicating that those storms could last another couple of days; I don't think we should leave them down there that long. So, I want each team to have an emergency kit in case they require some form of medical treatment while we wait to beam them back to _Voyager._"

Kathryn opened her eyes, fully jolted back to consciousness. It sounded like they were talking about crewmen trapped on the surface of the planet. And if their combadges had already been located then it was going to make things harder to find them. She turned slightly so she could see the Doctor's office. Chakotay was standing in the doorway, now clad in a fresh uniform. Kathryn couldn't see the Doctor, but she was certain that he was there.

"And the Captain?" the hologram asked now.

She saw Chakotay's broad shoulders stiffen. "Nothing of this to her."

"But Commander, she's going to know sooner or later that something is wrong, when—."

"I know that Doctor," Chakotay interrupted him. "For now, let her rest."

"Aye sir," the Doctor replied, standing up and coming into her view. "We should have thirty or so kits in storage, I'll have Kes go and get them."

Chakotay gave the doctor a nod of approval. "Good, have her bring them to transporter room one. B'Elanna can beam them down to the surface. Tuvok and Sarah know what to do once they arrive." He turned about in the doorway, making his way back into main sickbay. Kathryn shut her eyes; she didn't want them to know she was awake. They weren't going to be forthcoming with information with her that had already been established. "How much longer do you think she'll sleep?"

"Another hour or so," the hologram responded.

Kathryn could feel his presence by the bed and for a fleeting second she wondered why he was being so protective of her. What was going on that he didn't want her to find out about? She had the urge to open her eyes at that moment and demand answers, but he could easily blow her off, stating that she was not in command for medical reasons. Ava stirred besides her and she tried snuggling the baby closer to her to calm her.

Ava had other thoughts. Kathryn felt the child sit up, whimpering. _She must be hungry, _Kathryn mused. _When was the last time she ate? _Partially opening her eyes she could make out the toddler's mussed hair and flushed face as she gazed around the dimmed sick bay. She was about to sit up her self and tend to the child, when Chakotay's hands reached out and lifted Ava effortlessly off of the biobed. Kathryn found herself holding her breath, Ava didn't warm up to people very fast, and she certainly had trouble with men. In fact, the baby had sobbed for over an hour when Tom Paris had tickled her toes one of the first mornings on their journey home. She wouldn't be surprised to hear a squeal of protest from the child being held by Chakotay.

To her surprise, she heard Ava start to babble away, content. "It appears she likes you Commander," the Doctor commented.

Chakotay chuckled. "We bonded on the planet."

_Bonded on the planet? What is he talking about, we never saw him? _And from out of the blue it hit her. _He _had been the one to find them, to get them back to _Voyager. _Kathryn had wondered why she couldn't recall calling for a beam out when she had first woken up, now it made perfect sense. Chakotay must have seen them in the market before the storm hit and had gone after them when the storm did hit. Not caring anymore if they knew she was really awake, Kathryn opened her eyes and sat up on the biobed. Chakotay was in the office again with the Doctor, Ava nestled in his arms. She couldn't help the soft smile that crept across her face to see this man, a warrior in his own right, delicately holding a one year old baby in his arms.

Ava shrieked then. Chakotay looked absolutely mortified. Kathryn almost had the right of mind to leave him to deal with the child on his own, since he wanted to withhold information from her, but she just couldn't. Slowly getting off the biobed she made her way into the office where Ava was definitely crying her _I'm hungry _wail.

"Maybe she's hungry?" Chakotay offered.

"How am I supposed to know, Commander?" the Doctor retorted, looking at the baby like she had three heads.

"You're a doctor!"

"I'm an emergency medical hologram! I'm not trained in parenting!"

"Gentlemen, can I be of assistance?" Kathryn asked, stepping into the room, a wry grin on her face. It never ceased to amaze her how something so small could initiate such panic and fear into a grown man. Bryan had been absolutely terrified of holding Michael when she had first brought him home from the hospital. Chakotay and the Doctor both looked at her with a mixture of remorse and shock as she went to the replicator by the Doctor's desk. "Baby peaches, warm."

The replicator whirred to life and a bowl of baby food appeared. Kathryn picked the bowl up and looked at the Doctor's desk. "May I?"

"Of…of course Captain."

Kathryn sat down in his chair and placed the bowl on to the desk, gesturing for Chakotay to place the baby in her lap. The first officer did so and the child let out eager little cries at the sight of the food. She indeed was hungry. "Alright, Ava Bryan, you just sit still, I'll feed you," Kathryn said, with a small laugh as she took the spoon and placed some of the food in the baby's mouth. "There is that better?" Ava cooed a response.

"Ava Bryan?" Chakotay said, bewildered. "That's an interesting middle name." He noticed her shoulders stiffen as her eyes rose to his. _Did I say something…wrong? _Her eyes clouded over with a pain that he had never seen before. _I definitely said something wrong. _

The Doctor cleared his throat and informed them that he had work to do, although neither Chakotay nor Kathryn knew what.

"She's named after her father," Kathryn said, after several seconds of silence. "His name was Bryan."

Chakotay vaguely recalled Sarah Barrett referring to the children's father in the past tense as well. He had always meant to research it a little bit more, but time in the past few weeks just had not permitted it. He felt bile rising in his throat. Why didn't he like where this conversation was going? "Was?"

Again her eyes flickered with such an intense pain that Chakotay felt his heart stop beating for a moment. "Yes," her voice was softer than it had been before. "He was…killed at Ohniaka III."

_How did I not know about this? _Chakotay felt his face pale. He had known about her husband being dead, had heard the rumors anyways, but never had he imagined that her husband had been tragically ripped away from this woman and her children, their children. Even though Chakotay had been out of Starfleet at that point, he had still heard about the Borg attacking the science station there, how the _Enterprise_had found nothing but a group of drones upon their arrival. It must have been horrible for Kathryn to have to tell her son that his father was dead. Michael could not have been more than four at the time, perhaps just turning four, which meant... "Bryan never knew about Ava, did he?"

Kathryn wiped Ava's mouth clean of baby food. "No, I found out I was pregnant with her after his death."

"I…I'm sorry Captain," Chakotay said, for lack of anything better.

She shook her head, trying to stop the tears. "It's…in the past now."

Was it really? He wondered as Tuvok's voice could be heard over the comline. "_Tuvok to Chakotay?_"

Chakotay stepped out of the office to give Kathryn some time to gather her emotions. "Go ahead Tuvok."

"_We've located the campsite, suffice it to say, there is not much left,_" the Vulcan reported, not trace of emotion in his voice what so ever. _"I've split the away team up into two search groups, Lieutenant Barrett is taking command of Beta team, I will have Alpha._"

"Understood, Tuvok, keep me posted," Chakotay said. "The Doctor is beaming down emergency kits, don't be afraid to use all of them if you have too. We can always replicate more."

"_Aye sir. Has Captain Janeway been notified?_"

"No, not until we have more information," Chakotay said, rubbing his temple. "I don't think a destroyed campsite qualifies. Chakotay out." He turned about to go back into the office when he came face to face with Kathryn. Her eyes were red from crying, but wide with horror. She had heard the conversation and he was sure she had put two and two together. "Captain…"

Kathryn was shaking. "He said campsite…Chakotay, where's my son?"

He had not wanted her to find out this way. He had wanted to tell her when he had more information himself, like a lead where Paris and Michael could be, not with everything up in the air. Chakotay stood there mutely watching the show of emotions that played on her face. "Tuvok and Sarah are on the surface now looking for them…making sure that they're alright from the storm."

"You don't know do you!" she nearly shrieked. Ava started to cry at the sound of her mother's voice. The baby clung to her mother's dress, demanding to be picked up. Kathryn ignored her. "This is what you've been keeping from me, isn't it?"

Chakotay cursed himself. He had tried so hard to protect her and he had failed miserably. "Captain, I thought it best…to let you know when we had more information. I also thought it better for you to rest while we conducted our search."

"Search?" Kathryn stammered. "You mean to tell me that you can't just beam them up?"

"We tried, all we got…were their combadges."

Kathryn felt the room spin, recalling the conversation she had heard between Chakotay and the Doctor earlier. They had said that the storms were interfering with sensors, so there was no way to tell if Tom Paris and her son were alive. _This cannot be happening! I was finally ready to let him go a little and now this! _She felt her legs give out and before she passed back into unconsciousness she felt Chakotay's arms reach out and catch her as she fell into darkness.

* * *


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: I'm trying to post this as quickly as possible. I want to get back to writing again!

* * *

"So," B'Elanna Torres said, trying to make small talk while she and Harry Kim worked on the targeting scanners. "How was the beach?"

Harry blinked, looking up from what he was doing. "What do you care, you didn't want to come remember? You told me that you couldn't get away from Engineering long enough. However, judging by the way you're dressed, it appears that you were able to get away long enough to enjoy a bit of shore leave. But since you asked I had a good time with Sarah until Tuvok ordered us back to the ship. It was nice to get away for a while." He went back to his work, hoping she would let the matter drop, but of course, such was his luck, she would not.

"You seemed more than happy to go with Sarah," B'Elanna snapped. "And, I didn't think I was going to be able to get away. But, everything was running smoothly and Chakotay wanted to go down to the planet, so I decided I'd keep him company. Is there something wrong with that? Since you asked Sarah to keep you company."

He dropped the tool he was using, it clanged to the floor with a loud thud. "Why don't you just get it off your chest now, so we can get back to work? You don't like her, you think she's all wrong for me? Am I right? Is that what you're about to say to me?"

She looked sheepishly at the controls. "I wasn't going to say she was…all wrong for you. If you're happy…with her…then fine. It's your choice, not mine."

Harry shook his head. "Everyone seems to think that because I've befriended her we're a couple."

"You're not?"

"No!"

B'Elanna suddenly felt stupid, like a teenager again. She had just assumed because Harry and Sarah were spending so much time together that there was more than friendship between the two. "Well that's the rumor going around the ship…you mean to tell me that there is…nothing more than…platonic feelings between the two of you?"

Harry chuckled, continuing his work. "You shouldn't believe everything that you hear B'Elanna. And yes, there is nothing more than friendship between us, and I intend to keep it that way."

"Why?"

"Have you seen the way Tom Paris looks at her?"

B'Elanna scoffed. "He looks at all women that way." Although she had to admit that she had never seen him so jealous than she did in the mess hall a couple of weeks prior when he had seen Harry eating lunch with Sarah. "So you wouldn't start a relationship with her because Tom Paris, who is your best friend, thinks he's in love with her? That sounds ridiculous Harry."

"Maybe," he replied. "But, like you pointed out, he is my best friend. I think it would be good for him to…settle down."

"Do you ever think of…settling down?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I'd like to think that we'll get home before Libby takes me for dead, but…yeah, I have. It wouldn't seem fair or right to stop going on with my life when I know without a doubt she'll go on with hers, when she's ready." He peered his face up at her then and pairs of dark eyes met. Something, he wasn't sure what, changed between them in that one moment. They had shared so much together, fighting for survival on Ocampa. He felt the spark between them almost immediately after the Maquis crew had come on board to join the Starfleet crew. There was a sea of emotions churning in her eyes, anticipation, desire, fear. He had the strange urge to take her in his arms and…kiss her.

"Should we request transport in another transporter room?" a woman's voice said, breaking the magic of the moment.

B'Elanna had not even been aware that they had come so close to kissing until they had been interrupted. She snapped her head back and pretended to go about her work, not bothering to look up at Michael Jonas and Seska. "No, I can do it. Are you heading down to the search sight?"

Seska and Jonas exchanged amused glances as Harry rushed out of the transporter room, mumbling that he needed to get to the bridge to work on the targeting scanners from there. "Trying to steal Harry Kim away from Lieutenant Barrett are you? I'd be careful, B'Elanna, I heard she has a nasty temper. She might very well have you put in the brig for something or another and you know Janeway will go for it; Barrett is her golden child, her pet bird, she can't do anything wrong in Janeway's eyes."

"I don't know what you're talking about Seska," B'Elanna snapped, angry that they had interrupted the moment. "But one word of this to Lieutenant Barrett or anyone else for the matter I will personally hunt you down."

Seska and Jonas stepped up onto the transporter pad. "You're secret is safe with us, right Jonas?"

He grinned. "Of course it is."

As B'Elanna activated the controls and transported them down to the surface she was sure that by this time tomorrow it would be all over the ship that Harry Kim had _almost _kissed her.

* * *

Michael could not recall ever feeling this cold. Shivers racked his tiny body as he hugged his knees to his chest, trying to draw warmth from them, but the truth was, he just could not. He was soaked to the bone and the only thing he had that could possibly keep him warm was a damp towel and some dried up leaves. While he had been enjoying a good swim with Tom, the skies had turned dark and angry, like they used during the summer in Indiana.

Tom had scooped him up and tried running back to their camp to grab their combadges to call for a beam out, but somewhere in the trek they had fallen into a deep abandoned animal burrow. Tom had broken Michael's fall, but had been unconscious since. The small child had found a rock near by where Tom lay and could only guess that he had banged his head on it when they fell through. And to make matters worse, the winds had forced a large tree to topple over, covering the opening that had been created when Tom and Michael fell through.

Now Michael was sitting alone, listening to the roaring winds above him.

Every now and then Tom would let out a moan and his eyes would open, but he never regained full consciousness. Michael was a smart boy; one would not expect any less the son of two scientists. He knew that if _Voyager _did not find them soon Tom was going to leave him just like his father had.

He suddenly found himself wishing for the comfort of his mother. Despite all the blows in life that he had been handed at such a young age the one constant in his life had been his mother. She would know what to say at a time like this, she always did. _She has to be looking for us. She wouldn't leave us out here._

Something crunched above his head. Glancing up he could make out the forms of…boots through the branches of the tree. _Starfleet issued boots! _He tried calling out to the officers that were above him, no doubt sent by his mother to find him, maybe even his mother herself. But the wind was powerful and it drown out his tiny calls.

The search party above him had no idea that they were right on top of them.

* * *

"The wind is picking up," Sarah Barrett said to Neelix, who was a part of her search team. She raised her face to the sky and let the wind tickle her cheeks for a moment. In that brief moment the stress of the day seemed to wear away. She wasn't standing in the middle of some forest looking for Tom Paris and Michael Janeway, who they had so far had no luck making contact with. "We probably don't have a lot of time before another storm hits. Let's pick up the pace a little."

Neelix shuffled alongside of her. "Yes ma'am."

"You've been quiet Neelix, is everything alright?" Sarah asked as she stepped over a large fallen tree trunk. Her senses flared momentarily, begging her to stop and look around, but she failed to see why. There was not as much as a trace of Tom or Michael in this area they had been searching. Up ahead she could see Seska and Michael Jonas picking their way along the path. The two former Maquis had kept to themselves since being assigned to her team and she wondered what they could possibly be chatting about.

"It's just this whole…situation," Neelix responded to her question. "To tell you the truth it's downright depressing."

"Cheer up Neelix," Sarah said. "Just because we haven't found anything doesn't mean that Tuvok's team hasn't found anything." Pushing her hair out of her face she tried to keep tabs on the rest of her team, but Seska and Jonas were continuing to pull further a head of them. She wanted to tell them to hold up, but realized that her voice would be drown out in the wind. With a frown she told Neelix that they really need to pick up the pace if they were to join the rest of their team.

It felt like they had been at this searching thing for hours, but in truth had only been at it for thirty minutes. Tuvok had separated them into two teams. He was in charge of one and she was in charge of the other. Right now, she could only make out the forms of Jonas and Seska, but she was also responsible for Joe Carrey, Susan Nicoletti, Kenneth Dalby, and Samantha Wildman. Deciding that it would be best for them to break the team down further, Sarah and Neelix had gone in one direction with Jonas and Seska, while Joe Carey took charge of the other half, reporting to Sarah every few minutes. So far Joe had found nothing, much like the rest of them.

When they had first beamed down to the site they found nothing be destroyed equipment scattered about. To make matters worse the rain had washed away any tracks that Tom and Michael could have left and their tricorders were having trouble cutting through the electromagnetic interference of the storms. They were searching the old fashion way, with their senses.

And from the sounds of it they were going to keep searching that way because weather charts indicated that the storms were not clearing out anytime soon. The Fyoth had been helpful in giving them some signs that a storm was coming, since they were accustomed to the violent and sudden turn of the weather. Winds picking up was a sure sign that a new weather pattern was moving in, on any planet.

"I'm worried about the Captain," Neelix interluded after several seconds of silence. "This must be painful for her, not being able to come down here and help search for her son."

"Chakotay said he would take care of her," Sarah replied as they started to walk along the river. Tom had picked this area because the river emptied into a beautiful pristine lake that he and Michael could go fishing and swimming in. She had argued with him that taking him camping was a huge commitment, but Tom laughed her off like usual. _Are you laughing now Tom? Are you even alive?_

"Lieutenant," Neelix said in a cautioning tone. "Look at the sky."

Sarah glanced upwards and noticed that the sky was tinted a strange green color. _Green color, back home on Earth that would mean…_ "Oh god," she tapped her combadge. "Barrett to _Voyager! _We need a beam out now!"

"_Hold on Counselor, we've managed to clean up the targeting scanners a bit but we're still having trouble locking on._"

Sarah pushed Neelix and began to run, even as the skies opened up around them, and the winds began to tear at the trees at a frightening pace. All that she could hear was the roar of the wind in her ears as they struggled to get through the trees, away from the river that had suddenly became a violent beast. They nearly collided with Jonas and Seska as a strange howling sound could be heard.

"Counselor what is that?" Neelix shouted, covering his ears.

She could only surmise what it was, but she had a pretty good idea. "Nothing you want to get to know personally Neelix!" Sarah screamed, grabbing a hold of his arm. "_Voyager! _Now would be a really good time for that beam out!"

"_Stand by Lieutenant._"

Jonas was pushed into her and both went crashing down to the ground. It was a struggle just to get back up onto her feet as she was thrown another five feet in the air from the winds. She thought she heard Neelix let out a little yelp of concern for her, but she couldn't be sure, the forest that they had been searching in for the past thirty minutes was turning into a hellish nightmare. Water was running rivulets in her eyes, the wind was tossing her about like she was nothing, and she could faintly catch the movements of a cyclone hydroplaning the river. It wasn't close to them yet but it was massive, something she had only seen in books and in databases, never in person. And even from this great distance she could tell that if it got any closer it was going to be the end of them all.

_Voyager! Please, now! _

Miraculously she felt the familiar sensations of the transporter beam sweeping them up and several seconds later she was deposited onto the transporter pad, dripping wet, but still very much alive. Collectively the tiny group let out a breath of relief.

"_B'Elanna! Do you have them!" _Chakotay's frantic voice came over the comlink.

"I have them," B'Elanna Torres replied. "They're a little wet, but otherwise in one piece."

Neelix was stumbling off of the pad. "Easy for you to say, Lieutenant Torres! You didn't just stare death in the face down there!"

"Relax Neelix," Jonas said, stepping off the pad himself. "It was just a little rain."

"A little rain?" Neelix huffed turning around. His eyes caught sight of Sarah and he gasped. "Counselor, your leg!"

Sarah peered down to see what he was talking about. Her pant leg was torn open and she could see that a twig had stabbed her. She was bleeding but in the panic of the moment she had not even realized that she had been hurt. "I'll live Neelix."

Neelix finally had a distraction from the frightening turn of events down on the planet and was determined to keep it that way. "We should get you to sickbay. And I won't take no for an answer."

* * *


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: I made no revisions to this story because I loved just as it is :). It will all be up in the next post.

* * *

Chakotay listened grimly to Harry Kim's latest report on the targeting scanners. Moments before Tuvok had reported to him that everyone had been beamed back to_ Voyager_ from the surface and the only one to sustain any injury had been Sarah Barrett, but it was a relatively minor laceration. Now, he was getting updated on the progress, or lack there of, of the scanners. The storm activity had picked up since they had beamed the search teams off of the surface fifteen minutes ago and all the work that Harry had done on them was pointless now because there was twice as much interference from the storms as there was before. In other words, Chakotay couldn't risk sending a team down to the surface until the storm activity lightened up a bit.

Rubbing a hand over his face he suddenly felt tired. The close call on the surface moments before had frayed his nerves and gotten his adrenaline rushing, but now that he was coming down from that high, he was begin to feel the fatigue creeping in. _The important thing is, Chakotay, that you got all your people up here in time. _

But they still had not found Tom and Michael and he was certain that Kathryn was going to be waking up soon. He desperately needed to give her something to cling too.

"When do you think we can get a team down there?"

"Best bet is tomorrow morning sir," Harry answered, handing him his report.

_Tomorrow morning? Tom and Michael will be dead by then, if they aren't already. _"I'd rather not wait until morning," Chakotay told the young ensign. _And at the same time I'd rather not have anyone get hurt again, like Sarah. _"Let's keep one team down there, it will make it easier to beam up. Tell Tuvok no splitting up, they all stick together, that didn't help us get Beta team up here either. They were scattered all over the place. Our scanners can barely pick up large groups."

Harry nodded. "I…I'd like to go down with Commander Tuvok sir."

"I need you here, Ensign, to work with Lieutenant Torres on the scanners." Chakotay couldn't be certain but he saw the young man tense at the mention of B'Elanna. It was an interesting reaction considering that the two had become friends since the Maquis had joined _Voyager's _crew. "I know that Tom is a good friend of yours Harry, and we'd all like to be down there to help find the Captain's son, however, some of us are needed here."

Again the young man nodded his head; this time however, it was subdued. "Understood Commander, I'll…report to the transporter room right away."

Chakotay watched as the young man left the ready room. He was finally alone to lower his body into Janeway's chair and sigh with relief. The close call on the surface had rattled him. He couldn't imagine what he would say to Kathryn when she woke up if they had not been able to pull Barrett and her team off the surface before the cyclone destroyed them. He had witnessed a fragile and vulnerable Kathryn Janeway in sickbay. Any new piece of information that was traumatic or stressful was not going to help her recover.

_So much for shore leave being a morale booster like Counselor Barrett had hoped. _

The door chimed sounded and he glanced up. "Come in," he called out, hoarsely.

Sarah stepped into the ready room, dressed in a fresh uniform, her wet hair tied back up into a bun. "I thought you could use an ear."

He couldn't help but feel a small smile grab at the corners of his mouth. "How did you know?"

She took a seat opposite him at the desk. "I'm ship's counselor, it's my duty to know when one of my commanding officers needs to talk. That and I just saw Harry Kim leaving here looking rather…dismayed."

Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "I don't think it was me that had him feeling that way."

"B'Elanna?"

"Again, how did you know?"

Sarah shrugged her shoulders. "Just a hunch," she paused and her eyes studied his face, "however, it seems that you too are a bit…dismayed."

"What did you expect? This isn't how I had imagined shore leave going for the crew," Chakotay responded, curtly, straightening the tunic of his uniform. "And I'm sure that this is not what Captain Janeway had in mind when she agreed to let Tom take Michael down to the surface of Fyoth to go camping."

"We'll find them Commander," Sarah said, firmly. "It's just going to take a bit longer without our sensors."

"It doesn't help that we have to pull our teams up every five minutes because of storms," Chakotay replied, standing up. He climbed the steps and went to look out the viewpoint. Below him the beautiful planet of Fyoth sparkled and glowed in the sunlight. If they weren't facing such dire circumstances, Chakotay was sure that he would have been able to appreciate the planet's beauty. "I don't know, Sarah, this could all be some wild goose chase."

He realized she was standing next to him. "Are you ready to give up on them yet? Are you ready to tell Captain Janeway that we can't find her child?"

The thought that he might have to let Kathryn know that her son was dead had crossed his mind several times since the whole ordeal had started. He kept praying that he wouldn't have to do it; the woman had suffered enough as it was. "No," he answered softly, "I'm not."

"Then we'll keep up the search," Sarah said.

"How are you holding up? That was a pretty nasty storm down there," Chakotay said, trying to sway the subject.

"Let's just say I'm not going to be making any visits to Kansas in the summer," Sarah answered him, smiling gently.

Chakotay chuckled as the comline beeped.

"_Sickbay to Chakotay,_" the Doctor's voice filled the room. "_Captain Janeway has regained consciousness._"

* * *

Kathryn Janeway had requested, no demanded, Chakotay corrected himself mentally, to be taken to the bridge. She was not going to sit around in sickbay while her son was missing down on the planet. Reluctantly, and with much protest from the Doctor, Chakotay had agreed. Tal Celes had come to get the baby, and Kathryn not even caring that she wasn't in uniform had proceeded directly to the bridge.

When they stepped out of the turbolift, Chakotay noticed that Ensign Lang, manning tactical, was gaping at the sight of Janeway, in a blue sundress, hair splayed over her shoulders, giving orders. Sarah Barrett and Ensign Baytart, manning conn, didn't seem phased. In fact, Chakotay surmised that Sarah was more than willing to give command back over to the command team. Which was odd, he thought, because she was sharp and on her toes. _A good command situation would give her the confidence that she's lacking, _Chakotay realized, listening to her give Janeway a report.

The Captain didn't look too pleased and immediately was tapping her combadge. "Janeway to Torres."

"_Captain?_" B'Elanna sounded a little shocked to hear her voice.

"Yes," Janeway said, "last I checked I was still in charge of this ship." She placed her hands on her hips and looked around the bridge. It was odd, not to see the senior officers at their stations during this time of day. "I want those targeting scanners and I want them _now _B'Elanna."

There was a pause on the other side. "_Ensign Kim and I are working as fast as we can Captain, but the storms keep changing in ferocity and frequency. Right now, we're barely managing to keep a lock on the away team._"

"Well keep working on it!" Janeway responded hotly.

"_Yes, ma'am. Torres out._"

Chakotay and Sarah exchanged glances for a moment. In the turbolift she had seemed in control to Chakotay, however he knew he should not have been so foolish. Placing her in the middle of the situation was only going to make her temper and frayed nerves even worse. Perhaps he could get her to wait in the ready room, at least that way she still felt like she was on the bridge. He was about to make that suggestion to her when Janeway spun about and looked at Sarah.

"Why isn't your team back on the surface?"

"Commander Chakotay thought it would be safer to beam down one team, that way in case of another storm, we can pull them back easier," Sarah answered, calmly.

"I want every last person that we can spare down there," Janeway ordered, not bothering to look at Chakotay.

Chakotay felt his shoulders stiffen. "Captain, it's not safe—."

She spun about then, her eyes flaring in anger and desperation all at the same time. "Sometimes, Commander, risks need to be taken!"

"Not unnecessary ones," Chakotay responded coolly. It was important that he stayed in control. If he didn't it would only add fuel to the fire. "Tuvok and his team are perfectly capable of searching for Tom and Michael. The more people we put down on that planet the more of a risk we gain of losing one of them. Do you want more of our people missing Captain? Or hurt?" His dark eyes flickered up to look at Sarah, standing mutely behind Janeway. _Kathryn, don't make Sarah relieve you of duty. _"I know this must be hard, but we need to use caution."

"How do you know what this is like?" Janeway snapped, her eyes filling with tears. "How could any of you possibly know what this is like?" her voice rose in agony and anger and no one had ever seen her so vulnerable.

Chakotay didn't know how to respond.

Sarah apparently did. "Captain Janeway, maybe you should go back to your quarters, spend the time with Ava."

Janeway shook her head. "No, my place is here."

"Captain, you're too emotionally involved in this mission."

Chakotay felt his breath catch as Janeway glared at the young woman. "What are you suggesting, _Counselor_?"

"If I have too, ma'am," Sarah said, brazenly. "I'll relieve you of duty."

Silence hung in the air like humidity on a hot summer day. Chakotay noticed the muscles in Kathryn's jaw flinch and constrict. The Captain rounded her shoulders and faced the younger woman, her eyes intense with so many emotions Chakotay couldn't possibly fathom what she was feeling.

"You wouldn't do that," Janeway finally said, breaking the intense silence.

To her credit, Sarah didn't back down. "I would, ma'am," she replied. "Your emotional involvement in this mission would make it difficult for you to command right now. The logical course of action would either be to step back and let us do our jobs, or for me to remove you from duty, by force if I have to."

"She's right, Captain," Chakotay finally spoke. "You can't possible keep a clear head with how deep your emotional attachment in this mission is."

"Very well," Janeway said, relenting. "I can see I'm outnumbered." With nothing else to say, she climbed up the command steps and entered the turbo lift, going to where they could only assume was her quarters.

Chakotay let out a small breath of relief and looked at Sarah. "Nice bluff."

Sarah sat down in her seat. "Who says I was bluffing?"

He felt a small grin form at the corners of his mouth, but it was gone just as fast as it came on. "Keep me updated. The Captain, like you said, is in no state emotionally to be commanding. But she shouldn't be alone during this and I don't think we should leave Tal to the wolves. You're in command until further notice or Tuvok's return."

"Aye sir."

Chakotay turned about and left the bridge, knowing that it was going to take a lot of fast talking to get Kathryn Janeway to let him in.

* * *

_Ship counselor's log, stardate 48540.3; Captain Janeway has been unofficially relieved of command until further notice. Her emotional state at this point in our mission to find Tom Paris and Michael Janeway is of concern. Commander Chakotay promises me that he has it under control but I must admit I have my doubts about our role reversal._

* * *

Sarah Barrett took a sip of her coffee and glanced over the latest weather chart. They were going to have to pull Tuvok's team back up to _Voyager _in about fifteen minutes, unless they wanted more missing people. The string of storms that were moving in did not look friendly at all.

"Counselor can I speak to you?"

Sarah looked up from the report she was reading to see Kes standing over her. She smiled. She rarely got the time to talk to Kes and she found the young Ocampa comforting. "Of course, Kes pull up a chair," she said good-naturedly, gesturing with the PADD in her hand to the Commander's empty seat. "What's on your mind Kes?"

Kes looked at her hands for a moment, then replied, "You know my people have telepathic…abilities, correct?"

Sarah nodded her head. "Yes. I was aware of that."

"Well, for a while now, I've been…I don't know how to put it," Kes said. "I've just had these feelings about Tom and Michael."

The young counselor felt her heart skip a beat. "What kind of feelings Kes?"

"I just know that they're alive," Kes replied. "I can't explain how I know, but I do know. I wish that I had more to say, because I'm sure Captain Janeway could use some hope right now, but I just…can't explain it."

Sarah clutched tightly to the coffee mug. "Have you been brushed up on the latest away mission protocols?"

Kes blinked her bright blue eyes, and looked at the young counselor confused. "Yes, when I started training with the doctor. Since the doctor cannot leave the ship incase of medical emergencies, Captain Janeway wanted me to be up to date on protocol. Why do you ask Counselor?"

Sarah stood, dropping the PADD on Janeway's chair. "Because you're going to join that search team; I think you're telepathic senses are going to help speed up the process."

* * *

She felt like a criminal on her own ship. Kathryn Janeway, now dressed in full uniform, hair tied back, peered around a corner somewhere on deck four to make sure that Sarah Barrett or Chakotay were no where in sight. Satisfied that she was safe from her counselor and first officer for the time being, Kathryn pulled down the tunic of her uniform and kept walking towards the transporter room. Chakotay and Sarah had made two mistakes up on the bridge, one being that they had not relieved her of duty and confined her to quarters, the second being that neither one of them had thought to escort her back to her quarters.

Kathryn had instead snuck into the ready room, replicated a new uniform, done her hair, and left, making her way to the transporter room, hopefully before Chakotay or Sarah realized that she had not returned to her quarters originally. She hoped that by the time they did figure it out she was long gone from _Voyager. _

"Ma'am, I didn't know you were transporting down to the surface," Harry Kim said as she entered the transporter room. "Is Lieutenant Barrett joining you? She told me to prepare for two more to beam down."

_Good, word hasn't reached them yet what happened on the bridge, _Kathryn thought as she straightened her shoulders. "No, just me, Ensign."

He was strapping something onto her arm. "It's a device that B'Elanna and I came up with; a personal targeting scanner. If you wear this it doubles your signal and betters our chances of beaming you out before a storm hits."

"Excellent work Ensign," Kathryn complimented him with a wry smile.

"Actually, it was B'Elanna's idea," Harry replied, stepping back up behind the controls. "I just did all the configurations. Do you want to be put down near Tuvok's team, ma'am?"

Kathryn shook her head. Tuvok would just as soon send her back. "No, put me down in another area. We better our chances of finding Michael and Tom if we spread out a little."

"Aye, Captain."

The blue transporter beam swept her up and a several seconds later she was standing in the middle of a destroyed forest. Kathryn imagined that before the storms had hit that it had been the perfect place for Tom Paris to take her son camping. But now with branches and tress down in every direction, mud covering most of her boots; it was nothing pretty on the eyes. With a heavy sigh, Kathryn looked about briefly, wondering wear in this mess she was supposed to start.

Had she gotten in over her head this time? _No, your son is missing; you're his mother it's your job to protect him. _With a new resolve she tore off the device that Harry had just strapped on her and attached her combadge to it. She knew that Chakotay would have the young ensign beam her back up to the ship when he found out that she was gone and if they couldn't find her with their technology he was going to have to come down here himself. She was not about to make it easy for him.

Picking her way through the muck, Kathryn began in one direction, hoping that motherly instinct, combined with Starfleet training would help her locate her missing child. Her tricorder was proving to be of no use, having difficulty picking up anything besides the storm activity that was making it's way towards the search site.

Kathryn was going to have a few short minutes to look for Michael and Tom before having to seek shelter.

"Captain Janeway said you weren't joining her."

Sarah Barrett blinked and looked at Harry Kim with a confused gaze. Kes was equally as confused as the young counselor because she had not even seen Captain Janeway on the bridge when she had gone to talk to Sarah. She had been told that Janeway had gone back to her quarters. Sarah finally voiced their confusion, "Joining her for what?"

It was Harry's turn to be confused. "On the planet, to join Tuvok's search party."

The young woman's face paled as she reached up to tap her combadge. "Barrett to Commander Chakotay."

"_Go ahead Counselor._"

"We've…developed another problem sir."

"_What kind of problem?_"

"Where are you sir?"

There was a pause on the other end. "_On my way to Captain Janeway's quarters; B'Elanna stopped me to pitch her and Harry's idea about the personal targeting scanners. Why?_"

"I wouldn't bother going there Commander. Captain Janeway has beamed down to the surface."

"_Beam her back; I'm on my way to the transporter room, Chakotay out._"

Sarah nodded towards Harry, who reported that he had a lock on the Captain and was initiating transport. All that materialized onto the transporter pad was one of the targeting scanner devices and Janeway's combadge. _Damn it! We should have known she'd do something like this! _Sarah thought desperately as she climbed up onto the transporter pad and retrieved the items.

The doors to the transporter room swished open and Chakotay stepped through. "Well?" he questioned, eyeing the group. "Where is she?"

Sarah held up the device with the combadge attached to it. "Your guess is as good as mine."

The commander's eyes darkened with anger, but Sarah knew that it wasn't anger at her, or even at Kathryn Janeway, it was anger directed towards himself. "I should have known that she wouldn't give up. She…surrendered too easily on the bridge."

Chakotay turned back towards Harry standing at the controls. "Beam all three of us down to the coordinates that the Captain transported too. I still want Sarah and Kes to work together to find Paris and Michael. I'll deal with Captain Janeway."

Harry strapped another device onto the first officer's arm. "Here, this will help us pull you out faster." He handed Chakotay another one. "And this is for the Captain, when you find her sir. We'll be standing by to beam you all out."

"Start pulling Tuvok's team up," Chakotay instructed.

"Aye sir," Harry replied.

"Energize."

When they rematerialized a torn up forest greeted them. The tornado that Sarah and her team had barely escaped earlier that day had done extensive damage and the away team could see that it was going to make searching for both Captain Janeway and their missing crew members very difficult.

Chakotay had grown up with a deep respect for nature, but even he at this moment, stood in awe of how powerful and destructive it could be, and somewhere lost in that destruction was Tom Paris, Michael Janeway, and now Kathryn Janeway.

"Get to work on finding Paris and Michael," Chakotay instructed Sarah and Kes. He didn't even wait for the two women to acknowledge him, he began moving off in one direction, hoping to find Kathryn before the storm that was moving in took hold and made the already destroyed forest a living nightmare. The situation had spiraled out of his control so fast he wasn't even sure exactly how he lost control of it. Even Sarah had been fooled by Kathryn's _surrender _on the bridge.

Even during times of emotional stress Kathryn Janeway was proving to be one of the most clever Starfleet officers that Chakotay had run into. He was just going to have to out clever the master.

* * *


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: Here are the final chapters of _In a Matter of Moments _compressed into one BIG chapter haha. Enjoy!

* * *

They were not going to have as much time as Sarah had originally thought, and even then the time had been limited. The winds were beginning to really pick up again and she knew, from her last experience of being on the surface, that a storm was moving in on them and fast. If Kes was going to come up with anything, now would be the right time. "Anything?" she asked the Ocampa, hopefully.

Kes shook her head. "Nothing."

Sarah felt her heart dropping into her stomach. She had hoped that Kes' telepathic abilities may have been able to help them speed up the search process. Night was going to be falling soon and it was going to make searching a lot more difficult. Not to mention if Paris or Michael were hurt they should not be left out in the cool night air. She briefly wondered if Chakotay had had any luck finding Captain Janeway yet.

During her intense thought process, she had failed to see a large gathering of muck at the base of a granite boulder. Her boot sank into the mud, covering the newly polished black toes in a goopy mess. Cursing silently she pulled her foot out of the mud and shook it, hoping to release her shoes of the excess muck that clung to it. Leaning her hand against the boulder to balance herself she took a twig and began to pry away the dirt when her senses told her to stop fiddling with her shoe and take a look around. She realized, as she did this that she had been there earlier, searching with Neelix, Seska, and Jonas. She remembered the boulder.

"Kes, wait," she called out, stopping the young Ocampa in her tracks.

Kes turned about to look at her. "What is it Lieutenant?"

Sarah straightened her form, remembering earlier that they had passed this boulder just before climbing over a large fallen tree. Something had nagged at her to search in that area but they had found no trace of Tom or Michael up until that point. But now, she couldn't resist the urge to search that sunken log just a little bit more. "They're near here."

"How do you know?"

The counselor shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know Kes, call it a hunch."

"A hunch?"

"When we get a certain feeling about something…humans call it a hunch," Sarah explained as they made their way through the mud towards the fallen log. "Today when I was searching with Neelix I got this…feeling that I should look around here. I blew it off then as crazy because there was no sign of Tom or Michael around here. But now…maybe I should just go with the hunch."

Kes watched as the young woman pulled out her tricorder and began scanning around the log. "Can you get any readings with the storm coming in?"

Sarah shook her head. "Nothing, the interference from the storm is giving me scattered readings." She put the device away and crouched down, brushing some debris aside. "Kes! Look!" She dug some more revealing a hole leading to a burrow of some sort underneath. "I think I can fit in. Call for a beam out and have Harry lock on to my position."

"But Counselor that storm is coming in fast. We should both beam back and come back later," Kes said.

Sarah shook her head, halfway down the hole. "No time Kes. Besides the burrow will shelter me from the storm, I'll be fine."

And she was gone, disappeared beneath the log. Kes could only do as she requested and beam back to _Voyager._

Tom Paris felt like he was floating. His head was aching in several places, as was his body, and he couldn't seem to keep his eyes open long enough to get a grasp on his surroundings. Sometimes he found himself dreaming or hallucinating, however you looked at it, about the Delaney sisters, and the double dates that he and Harry went on with them.

Several times he thought he a woke to Megan standing over him, her big brown eyes gazing at him with concern, like an angel.

His mother had loved angels. He recalled her having several figurines and paintings around their home of the celestial beings. Tom had never really believed in them, but his mother insisted that there was always one watching over him. _If that was the case, then I certainly would not have made a mess of my life like I did and I certainly wouldn't be here, in the mud, not able to get a grasp on my surroundings. _

Michael Janeway was there, that much he knew. He could hear the boy talking to him, calling out for help in the back of his mind, and right now he could hear the child snoring. _It must be getting late. _

Tom was immediately aware that he had no idea how long they had been in this burrow that he had fallen into trying to escape the storm. For all he knew, it could have been days.

He felt something being strapped to his arm. Trying to move about to figure out what was going on he felt a hand push him back into a laying position.

"Easy fly boy," a familiar voice said, soothingly yet firmly.

_Fly boy? _He only knew one person in the Delta Quadrant that called him that; Sarah Barrett. Struggling to open his eyes he saw her leaning over him, dirt streaked on her pretty face, configuring something that was now attached to his upper arm with a black band. She may not have been an angel, but she certainly was the most beautiful sight he had seen, dirty cheeks and all. "Sarah?"

She smiled. "Welcome back, Lieutenant."

"Is he going to be okay, Sarah?" Michael's voice asked. The boy's frightened face appeared behind the young woman.

"He should be," Sarah responded, tapping her combadge. "Barrett to _Voyager._" There was nothing but static on the other end. Her eyes flickered about nervously. "Barrett to _Voyager, _please respond."

It seemed like forever before the voice of Harry Kim filtered through the static and answered her. "_Sarah! Where the hell are you?_"

Tom didn't hear her reply, he was drifting again. His eyes started to slip shut as he felt the familiar sensations of a transporter beam sweeping them up, finally taking them back to _Voyager._

* * *

Kathryn had never seen a storm move so quickly as the one that had suddenly engulfed the forest. She suddenly felt alone and small as the wind tore at her uniform and jostled her about. She knew that there was no way that _Voyager _was going to be able to locate her and beam her back to the ship before the storm unleashed all its fury. She was going to have to find shelter in the tangled piles of debris if she was going to survive.

_At least this time I don't have the baby to worry about, _Kathryn thought with a twinge of relief. But that relief was soon gone when she realized she could die on the planet, leaving her baby without a mother to care for her. _No Kathryn, don't think about that. You're going to find shelter. You have too._

Even as the thought crossed her mind she heard the crack of thunder, the breaking of branches. Instinctively she shielded herself as the forest came crashing down around her. And then she felt a pair of strangely familiar arms encircling her, protecting her from the storm. As she clung desperately to her protector the tender area of her head, where the wound had been early, bumped into something hard. All she saw as the raging winds and lightening around them as she drifted into a sea of unconsciousness.

* * *

"Ah, welcome back Mister Paris."

Tom opened his eyes to see the holographic doctor standing over him. He was laying on a biobed in sickbay. He frowned, waking up to the Doctor standing over him was not what he had been picturing when he went to sleep. _Where's Sarah? _Sitting up slightly he saw her standing in the middle of the room with Tuvok, Harry Kim, and B'Elanna Torres. He smiled to himself at their varied appearances. B'Elanna was wearing an olive sundress and actually looked quite pretty in it, Harry was in a squeaky clean uniform, Tuvok's uniform looked wrinkled and damp, and Sarah, her hair was tussled and dirt covered her face and uniform. _What the hell would Janeway think if she saw her like that?_

His head began to pound and he was forced to lie back down onto the biobed, emitting a groan. What had he hit his head on that caused so much pain? The bright lights of sickbay were not helping his headache either he noted. A shadow moved across his face and he slowly opened his eyes. He grinned. "Look who it is, my guardian angel."

She titled her head and gave him a look that he had not seen from her before. It was soft, it was gentle, nothing sharp or firm in her gaze. He couldn't help but feel little butterflies creep into his stomach. "You gave us a scare there for a while."

"Sorry, next time I'll check the weather report before I go camping," Tom said. He scrunched his eyebrows up. "Speaking of the camping trip…is Captain Janeway ready to strangle me for getting her kid nearly killed?"

"I wouldn't know," Sarah replied. "Captain Janeway is…not onboard at the moment."

He noticed that she chose her words almost delicately. "Not onboard?"

Her cheeks flushed slightly. "Commander Chakotay and I underestimated her…resolve. She beamed down to the surface, discarded her combadge and has not been heard from since."

Tom quirked an eyebrow, _oh god, what the hell have I done? _Closing his eyes briefly he wondered just how much trouble he had really caused. He couldn't believe how a simple, kind gesture, had imploded into a dangerous situation. At least the kid was okay, but they had no way of letting Janeway know that, because they had no idea where she was. "The next time I decide to do something nice, stop me. This is more trouble than it's worth. People getting hurt, people missing, all because I wanted to do something nice."

"Tom, it's not your fault," Sarah's comforting voice replied. He felt her hand touch his shoulder. "You can't control the weather. Nor can you control the actions of Captain Janeway."

He let out a frustrated sigh. "I always make a mess of things, _always._"

"Not always," she said.

Tom snapped his eyes up to meet hers but she had already moved away from the biobed, at Tuvok's request.

"I've ordered Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Kim back to the transporter room to hopefully beam the Captain and Commander back up to _Voyager,_" the Vulcan was saying. "It appears that the storm damaged the personal targeting scanners and we're having a problem getting a lock on them."

"Maybe we should send another team down," Sarah suggested.

Tuvok's face showed no difference in countenance. "The storm activity is picking up. It would be advisable to keep everyone onboard _Voyager._"

"What if we sent the ship into a low orbit? Maybe the closer we get to the surface, the better the chance we have of picking up the signal from the personal targeting scanners."

"We would experience turbulence from the storms," Tuvok replied, arching an eyebrow, "but it can be done if we fortify the shields."

Tom swung his legs over the side of the biobed. "You're going to need your best pilot at the helm if you're planning on doing that Commander." Instantly blood began rushing to his head and he felt dizzy. He swayed and the Doctor and Sarah were the ones to reach out and grab a hold of his arms and guide him back down onto the biobed.

"You're in no condition to fly a starship, Mister Paris," the hologram said, sternly.

Sarah patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, it's just a low orbit, I'm sure that Baytart can handle it. He did a pretty good job while you were gone."

"Already replacing me?"

"Trust me Tom, no one can replace you," Sarah teased.

Tuvok looked mildly concerned. "Mister Paris is correct however, we need our best pilot available to weather the turbulence."

"No pun intended right Tuvok?" Tom joked.

Tuvok ignored him. "Lieutenant Barrett, you have combat piloting training do you not?"

Tom nearly laughed out loud at the look that came over Sarah's face. "Well, yes, Starfleet required that everyone on the _Explorer _be trained in piloting and basic medical treatment, given who we were going to be studying," the young counselor replied.

"Hey, why didn't that come up when we were looking for a medic?" Tom snapped, recalling how Janeway had pounced on him so quickly in one of their first staff meetings.

Sarah glared at him, and then looked at Tuvok. "Can't Harry fly? It's been a while since I flew _anything._"

Tuvok shook his head. "I will need Mister Kim at operations. Ensign Baytart is a good pilot, but he is inexperienced."

"And I'm not?"

"How many times did you fly the _Explorer, _Lieutenant Barrett?"

Again she frowned. "It was regulation for all officers to man helm once a week. But, I'm pretty certain I manned it more than that. And it wasn't always smooth sailing."

Tom smirked. "Looks like you've got the experience to fly _Voyager _into a low orbit."

She glared at him again, but this time there wasn't much fire behind it. He could see flecks of fear in her eyes. _Come on Sarah, have a little faith in yourself, you have the training, you can do this, _is what he wanted to say to her, but instead, blurted out, "Just don't crash my ship." _Stupid Tom! Stupid!_

"I will contact the Fyothan government to get the proper clearance," Tuvok said. "We need to make the attempt as soon as possible if Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay are going to survive." He turned about on his heal and left sickbay. Sarah hesitated but soon followed, casting a seething look Tom's way before disappearing through the doors.

* * *

The controls before her seemed…enormous. _Tuvok must be out of his mind if he thinks I'm a better pilot then Baytart, _Sarah Barrett thought as she settled into the seat at conn. The viewscreen was the only thing that she could see before her and it was an odd sensation. She was used to seeing the back of Tom's head and the helm, stretched out before him. Behind her she could almost picture Harry Kim at his station, keeping a weary eye on her back. He had not shown his surprise, not like Baytart, who had thought she was joking at first when she told him that she was to relieve him. But Sarah knew that Harry was just as shocked as she was that Tuvok was putting her at the helm.

_If I crash this ship, Janeway is not only going to strangle Tom, she's going to strangle me. _Her fingers brushed over the controls, lightly feathering them. Something beeped to her right and she jumped slightly.

"It's just the sensors monitoring the storms," Harry spoke up from operations.

Sarah frowned at the screen. "Thanks," she mumbled.

"I have cleared our flight pattern with the Fyothan government," Tuvok informed the bridge crew as he stepped out of the ready room. "Miss Barrett prepare to enter orbit."

_Prepare? He makes this sound so…simple, _she thought sarcastically running her fingers over the controls. "Course laid in sir," she told Tuvok, trying to keep her voice from wavering.

"Drop to thrusters only Miss Barrett."

"Thrusters only, aye sir."

"Take us down Miss Barrett."

_Voyager _slowly descended into the atmosphere. Immediately she began to shake with the turbulence from the storm. Harry reported that the shields were holding but they were going to have to get another twenty kilometers lower for him to start scanning the area for Janeway and Chakotay. Sarah guided the ship down, slowly, cautiously. _Voyager _broke through the heavy clouds and the tops of trees being blown about in the winds could be made out vaguely on the viewscreen.

A bolt of lightening struck across the bow. The ship lurched and the lights flickered.

"Shields are down to ninety percent," Harry reported. "We won't be able to sustain too many more lightening strikes like that."

"Maintain course," Tuvok answered, crisply. "Bridge to Lieutenant Torres, we don't have much time, have you located the Captain and Commander yet?"

"_Negative," _B'Elanna's voice filled the bridge. "_The interference from the storm is still messing with our scanners. We're going to have to get down another ten kilometers before we'll be able to use them._"

Sarah peeked at the console. She still had to lower the ship another five kilometers before they could use the scanners. Another lightening bolt struck the ship. For a brief moment _Voyager _teetered, but Sarah was able to gain control quickly. "We'll be in scanning range in approximately thirty seconds."

"Shields are down to eighty percent," Harry announced. "Damage reported on deck five, section fifteen; repair crews are on it."

"Now would be a good time Lieutenant Torres," Tuvok said, solemnly.

"_I'm scanning now," _B'Elanna replied. "_But the interference is still hindering the range; it could take me hours to find them._"

"We do not have hours, Lieutenant."

"_I'm doing my best, sir._"

"Lieutenant Barrett, take us another ten kilometers down," Tuvok ordered.

Sarah glanced over her shoulder. "Sir, the turbulence will increase the further I take us down."

"I understand that Lieutenant. But we need to increase the range to find the Captain and Commander," Tuvok replied.

_Why don't we just land the damn ship then, _Sarah thought sarcastically. "Aye sir, taking us down another ten kilometers." _Voyager _bucked and swayed, everyone at their stations had to grip consoles and railings to hold on. Lightening struck the ship again, only this time it caused consoles to explode. Red alert was immediately activated as the ship swayed some more, sustaining even more lightening strikes.

Harry yelled that at the current rate of strikes they would lose shields in less than a minute. _Now would be a good time B'Elanna, _Sarah thought desperately as the ship dipped and started to free fall. A bolt had struck one of the nacelles and _Voyager _was now nose diving down towards the destructed ground. "I've lost the starboard engine!" Sarah gasped, leveling _Voyager. _"Tuvok, I need to take her up!"

"Lieutenant Torres, report."

"_I have them._"

"Take us up, Lieutenant Barrett."

"You don't have to tell me twice sir," Sarah said, engaging thrusters and lifting the ship up through the atmosphere and out of the storm clouds, away from the danger of lightening strikes. Once they were back in a standard orbit, Tuvok asked for a damage report.

"Shields are down to fifty percent," Harry reported. "There's structural damage on decks five, seven, and twelve, repair teams are on them. We've also lost the starboard nacelle; no casualties."

"End red alert," Tuvok ordered, the lights coming back up. He stood and went to stand behind Sarah at conn. "Good work, Lieutenant Barrett, it seems that Commander Chakotay's opinions of your skills are accurate."

Sarah turned about in the chair to look at him, confused. "Sir?"

"I was under orders from Commander Chakotay to put you in a command situation to boost your confidence. While you were not in command it was your suggestion to bring the ship down into a lower orbit, thus, I thought it would be a good _confidence booster_ if you piloted the ship," Tuvok replied. "Your personnel file lists the skills; Commander Chakotay thought it best to test them."

_If he survived down there, I'm going to kill him. _Sarah got up from helm and gestured for Baytart to take her place. "Did I pass the test, sir?"

"I would say that you did, Lieutenant," Tuvok answered. He moved out of the command station and proceeded to the turbo lift. "You have the bridge Counselor, I will be in sickbay."

The doors hissed shut in front of him and the dark skinned Vulcan was gone. Sarah was standing in the middle of the command station looking at the door with a dumbfounded look on her face. _If I didn't know any better, I'd say that the Vulcan conspired against me with Chakotay. _But, the more she thought about it, it had worked. She took the command chair with a little bit more confidence that afternoon then she had the previous ones.

* * *

Kathryn Janeway slowly became aware that someone was staring at her. She was lying on her back and when her eyes opened all she could make out was the shadow of someone standing over her and the bright lights of sickbay behind them. She was aware of a dull throbbing in her head and she remembered something hitting the tender spot that was there from before. Chakotay had come to find her, just as before, and had wrapped her protectively in his arms. "Chakotay?" she questioned of the being standing over her.

"I'm not Chakotay, Mama," Michael's voice could be distinctly heard.

Shielding her eyes from the lights with her hand she could now make out the round face of her son, his blue eyes studying her intensely. He was sitting on the edge of her biobed and there didn't appear to be a scratch on him. Kathryn sat up suddenly, pulling the child into her arms, doing everything in her power not to sob and cry.

"Mama," Michael protested to her arms so tightly about him and he tried to wiggle free. "I'm fine Mama!"

Kathryn pulled away from him and cupped his chin in her hands. "I'll be the judge of that."

"Actually, I was under the impression that that was my job," the Doctor said appearing next to the biobed as Tuvok entered the room. "But since this crew seems to think they are all their own physicians, what does my opinion matter."

Kathryn titled her head in apology. "Your opinion does matter Doctor."

"Very well then, your son is fine," the Doctor replied. "As for you, Mister Paris, and Mister Chakotay, you all suffered mild concussions, lacerations, and bruises; a few days off the duty roster are recommended."

"If you are done with your recommendations, Doctor, I would like a word with the Captain," Tuvok said, stepping up to her biobed.

The Doctor frowned and moved silently away from the area, moving onto the next patient.

"Alright, give it to me Tuvok," Kathryn said, a slight smile on her face.

"I beg your pardon, Captain?"

"You're about to tell me how many protocols I disregarded," Kathryn replied.

Tuvok's brow furrowed. "While I fail to see the logic behind your actions, I do…understand why you did what you did."

She raised an eyebrow. "You do?"

"You are a mother, therefore naturally driven to protect your young," Tuvok responded. "Often times in nature the mother does…illogical things to protect her offspring."

Kathryn smiled at him fully, snaking her arm around Michael. "So if you didn't want to reprimand me, what did you want to speak to me about?"

"Unfortunately the ship sustained damage during our attempts to find you and the Commander," Tuvok reported. "We will not be able to leave Fyoth tomorrow as previously scheduled."

The smile left Kathryn's face. "How much of a delay are we looking at?"

"At least three days, the starboard nacelle needs to be repaired," Tuvok answered, evenly," as well as minor structural damage to decks five, seven, and twelve."

"Tuvok," Kathryn said, "you didn't land the ship in the middle of that storm to find me did you?"

"Negative, Captain."

"Well that's good—."

"Lieutenant Barrett piloted the ship into a low orbit to increase our scanning range," Tuvok finished, interrupting her.

Kathryn's mouth hung open slightly, had Tuvok made a decision based on…emotion? "Tuvok, the ship could have been ripped apart with the turbulence alone. Wait, did you say Lieutenant Barrett flew the ship?" _Here we are talking about illogical decisions and he has the ship's counselor fly the ship into a low orbit in the middle of a dangerous storm. _

"I was under orders from Commander Chakotay to put Lieutenant Barrett into situations that would…boost her confidence," Tuvok replied. "I checked her personnel file, she has combat pilot training; her skills were not in question."

She didn't doubt that Sarah needed her confidence boosted, but to put her at the helm? Kathryn shook her head to clear her thoughts. What was done was done, and apparently the young woman had done a pretty good job if _Voyager _had only suffered minor structural damage. Although, loosing the starboard nacelle, that was going to be a problem. Hopefully it wasn't too badly damaged so they could repair it from their own supplies. And hopefully Tuvok didn't see the need to give Sarah anymore _confidence boosters _during the repair time. Kathryn was certain that other opportunities for the young woman to gain confidence were coming later on down the road and it didn't involve her flying the ship into the middle of a dangerous storm. "I want to be updated as much as possible; pull anyone that you can to work on getting that nacelle up and running."

"Aye Captain."

"Oh and Tuvok…"

"Yes, Captain?"

"Let's hold off on any more…confidence boosters for a few days, alright?"

"Aye Captain."

* * *

_Captain's Log, supplemental; Lieutenant Paris, Commander Chakotay, and myself have been given the clear from the Doctor to return to active duty. Repairs to the ship have been made, and we've resumed course back to the Alpha Quadrant. And even though I would not have put Lieutenant Barrett at the helm at such a tense time, it has indeed boosted her confidence, even if that change is subtle._

* * *

"What is this Mama?" Michael asked, looking down at the plate of food before him. Neelix had prepared yet again another wild display of Delta Quadrant cuisine for the morning and the little boy still had not gotten used to the… exotic tastes.

Kathryn Janeway looked up from feeding Ava to smile at her son. "Neelix says it's a delicacy on his home world. Go on, honey. You wouldn't want to make Neelix feel sad because you didn't at least try it."

Michael screwed his face up in disgust. "How come Ava doesn't have to eat this?"

"Because, her tummy is different than ours," Kathryn answered, pushing the empty bowl of baby food aside. "It's more sensitive."

"Well, can we swap stomachs then, so I don't have to eat this," Michael argued.

"Try it," Kathryn said in her best command voice.

Defeated Michael took his fork and began eating. To his surprise it wasn't that bad. At least it was better than the ration packs that they had eaten for the first few weeks of their journey. And he knew that if he didn't eat it, she would make him eat one of those instead of something from the replicator, which in his opinion was only slightly better than a ration pack. It was as if it was a punishment for not eating Neelix's food.

"Mind if I join you, Captain?"

Kathryn nodded her head at her first officer and he sat down across from Michael. "What can I do for you Commander?"

He handed her a couple of PADDs. "Status reports; it seems that the ship was a little singed from its trip into Fyoth's atmosphere, but everything else checks out. Neelix suggests that we stop for supplies soon. There's a planetoid rich in minerals about ten light years from here. Should I have Mister Paris change course?"

She scrolled through the reports, briefly eyeing them. "Our power supplies are running low again thanks to the lightening; I don't know about you but I don't want it to revert to what it was three weeks ago. Have Lieutenant Paris change course. How long do you think it will take us to get there?"

"At our current speed, approximately two hours."

"Prepare an away team," Kathryn ordered. She glanced at Michael. "You young man, have to get to school. I'll take care of your tray, go on, you're already late, and Lieutenant Barrett will be waiting for you."

Michael eagerly scampered away from the table and left the mess hall. Chakotay smiled. "He doesn't seem to be effected by what happened down on Fyoth."

"Him? No, he has his father's adventurous outlook on life," Kathryn replied, placing the PADDs down onto the table. "Everything that life hands him, he just takes it as a new chapter to one big adventure. In other words, he takes life in stride."

"Probably the best thing to do given our circumstances," Chakotay replied.

Kathryn pretended to be fixing the barrette in Ava's hair. "I never got to…thank you, Chakotay, for coming after me. You didn't have to put your life on the line for me."

A smile crinkled at the edges of his eyes as he stood up to leave. "I wouldn't be a good first officer if I didn't."

Kathryn watched him go and couldn't help but feel that their relationship had just changed from hesitant colleagues to tentative friends.

* * *


	31. Chapter 31: The Cloud

_Disclaimers apply as usual_

* * *

_**THE CLOUD**_

_Personal log, stardate 48546.2; Our journey home is several weeks old now and I have begun to notice in my crew, and in myself, a subtle change, as the reality of our situation settles in. Here in the Delta Quadrant we are virtually the entire family of man. We are more than a crew and I must find a way to be more than a Captain to these people but it's not clear to me how exactly to begin. At the Academy we're taught that a Captain is expected to maintain a certain distance. Until now, I have always been comfortable with that distance. Maybe this is just the way it works. Maybe the distance is necessary. Maybe more than ever now, they need me to be larger than life. I only wish I felt larger than life. Computer… delete last sentence._

* * *

Kathryn Janeway shut down her personal computer and leaned back in her chair for a moment, looking around her quarters. She had not been able to sleep the past few nights, plagued with thoughts about her crew, how to bridge the gap between them, and had been up and ready since zero four hundred hours. With a small sigh she got up from her desk and went into Michael's room.

The boy was sleeping on his stomach, the blankets kicked off. Gently Kathryn leaned down and shook him. "Honey, it's time to get ready for school. How about a little stroll today before getting breakfast?" Walking the decks of her ship always made her feel better. "We can go see the warp drive."

Michael sleepily opened his eyes. The look reminded his mother of his father. "Are we taking Ava? The last time we took her she threw her apple sauce all over me."

Kathryn smiled, gently. "Tal is taking care of Ava this morning," she answered. "Come on, let's get going if you want to go on that walk."

The boy pulled himself out of bed and scampered off to the bathroom. Kathryn went back into the living room to the sounds of Ava's crying. When she opened the door to the baby's room she was not greeted with a smile like usual, instead the baby cried out harder, reaching her arms up to her mother. Kathryn frowned. Ava had been waking up cranky the past few days and it had her concerned. _I need to take her the Doctor. She's due for a check up anyways. _"Alright, my little bird," she whispered taking Ava out of the crib. "I've got you."

She took Ava out into the living room and placed her down onto the play mat, but Ava seemed uninterested in her toys. Instead she laid down on her side, stuck her index and middle finger in her mouth and began to suck. A few seconds later she started to cry again, large gulping sobs, which prompted Kathryn to go to the replicator as the door chimed. "Come in," she called out as the desired object materialized onto the pad.

Tal Celes stepped into the room, glancing wearily at Ava. "Is everything alright ma'am?"

Kathryn leaned down and placed something in Ava's mouth. Instantly the baby stopped her crying and began to chew. "Yes, we're just teething." Straightening her form she pointed to the replicator. "I've programmed a chilled teething ring into the computer; feel free to replicate as many as you need to."

"Yes ma'am."

"Michael will be at school until lunch, and then he's eating with me," Kathryn told her. "He should be back by thirteen hundred hours, if he isn't, call security."

Tal look a little confused. "Ah, yes, ma'am."

Michael emerged from the bathroom now dressed in a blue shirt and green pants. "Hi Tal!" he said, cheerily. "Mama's taking me to see the warp core before breakfast. Hey, Tal? Do you think you could help me with my homework when I get back?"

"Lieutenant Barrett gave you homework?" Tal questioned.

"I asked for it," Michael replied. "It's fun and I get to teach Ava! But I need to go to stellar cartography and use the star charts today, and Mama doesn't like me going down there by myself. She's afraid I'll break something."

Kathryn frowned and straightened her tunic. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yep!"

"Let's get going then, I don't want either of us to be late," Kathryn instructed and they left their quarters, heading for the turbo lift. Several seconds later the doors to the lift opened and Kathryn led the way out onto the deck. Two crewmen waiting for the lift, stepped aside and nodded at her in respect, before the Captain and her son continued on.

Michael found this action interesting. Whenever he was with Tal, or by himself, the crew always said 'hello' to him. But when he was with his mother, they simply nodded their head in respect for her and continued about their work. He had never spent long periods of time with his mother before this on a starship. The closest he had gotten to a long period had been the two weeks it took to get from Earth to Ohniaka III for his father's memorial service. The crew of the _Billings_had been overly polite to their commander but they had always said something to her, even if it was just a _Commander Janeway. _

So did becoming Captain mean that crewmen didn't speak to you unless you spoke to them? Tuvok didn't seem afraid to speak to his mother; then again, Tuvok had been friends with Kathryn long before she took command of _Voyager. _Maybe protocol was different when you were friends with the Captain.

Chakotay spoke to his mother, but Michael reasoned that was part of his job, since he was first officer and all. In fact, all the senior officers spoke to his mother, but only in the context of ship business. It occurred to the child then that his mother was probably extremely lonely.

The doors to engineering swished open and the warp drive was before them, a swirling mass of blues and purples contained in a clear container so the beauty was on display for all to see. The crewmen on duty didn't look surprised to see her and went about their work, but Michael noticed that the all kept a weary eye on her.

"Captain!" B'Elanna Torres voice could be heard yelling down at them. Michael looked up the warp drive to see the half Klingon woman standing on the upper level, leaning over the railing with a troubled look on her face. "I didn't realize that there was an inspection scheduled this morning."

Kathryn looked up as they made their way around the warp drive. "Not an inspection Lieutenant," she corrected, "a stroll."

B'Elanna hurriedly made her way across the upper level. "We should have the warp drive up and running by zero nine hundred hours." She started to climb down the ladder, hoping to catch up with Kathryn and Michael. "Recalibrating the reactant injectors is all we have left to do." She had not even made it to the bottom rung before Kathryn was handing out of engineering.

"Carry on," Kathryn said as her and Michael made their way out of the room and back towards the turbo lift. When the doors to the lift shut, she turned a gentle, but sad smile on him. "Hungry?"

"A little," he replied, not eager to go and eat Neelix's food.

"Deck two."

The lift whirred to life and began to ascend. "Mama," he said, "can I ask you something?"

"Sure, honey what is it?"

"How come no one calls you Kathryn? Doctor Williams always called you Kathryn on the _Billings__._"

Her blue eyes settled onto his face. She had forgotten how observant children could be, and Michael, being the child of two scientists was particularly observant. "Doctor Williams was…a friend, honey. That's why he called me Kathryn."

"Tuvok's your friend and he never calls you Kathryn."

"Vulcan's do things differently," Kathryn pointed out. "Ever since I've met him he has always called me by rank."

"How come no one says 'hi' to you?"

His line of questioning was making her uncomfortable because he was hitting a sore subject recently. She didn't know how to be friendly with her crew; it was not something that was taught at the Academy. Captains were required to keep a distance and she had always been comfortable with that distance. "Honey…it's complicated. Maybe you'll understand better when you're older."

"Do crewmen get court martialed for saying hello to the Captain?"

"How do you know about court martials?"

"Uncle Gabriel had a whole stack of PADDs of court maritals back on Earth," Michael replied. "I read through them, and then used the computer to find out what it meant."

Kathryn tried to frown, but felt a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. She shouldn't encourage his rummaging through personal things, but the fact that he had been able to read through PADDs of court cases at the age of four made her grin. "Crewmen do not get thrown in the brig for saying hello to the Captain," she finally answered, as the doors to the lift swished open. "There's just a different way of communicating with a captain than there is with a commander."

They entered the mess hall and Michael was excited to see Tom Paris and Harry Kim eating breakfast together. He ran away from his mother towards their table. "Tom, Harry, I have my first science project due today! The Doctor helped me with it! It's all about the healing things that plants can do!"

"Sounds fascinating," Tom piped up, grinning slyly at Harry. "Hopefully _Miss Barrett _doesn't give you anymore homework."

"But homework is fun, and then I can teach Ava!" Michael looked over his shoulder briefly at his mother. "I should be getting breakfast, bye guys!"

Harry and Tom chuckled, and then realized that Kathryn was standing there. They both started to get up, but she quickly told them to be at ease. "So has Neelix concocted anything interesting this morning?"

The looks of slight panic that passed between the two officers was not lost on Kathryn. She realized then that they did not have the training either to interact with her socially. It made the situation all the more awkward. Finally Harry spoke, "There's an ancient Chinese curse, Captain: _may you live in interesting times. _Mealtime is always interesting now that Neelix is in the kitchen."

Awkward laughter filled the silence briefly before she spoke, "We shouldn't judge him too harshly, and after all he is helping us conserve replicator energy."

"And I'm sure the gastrointestinal problems will go away as soon as our systems get used to his…ah…gourmet touch," Tom interjected, trying his best to diffuse the weird situation with humor. It didn't work entirely to its affect and Kathryn excused herself, walking away to go find her son and a cup of coffee.

Harry watched her go. "We should have asked her to join us."

"Ensigns don't invite Captains to sit down," Tom replied.

"Why not?"

"Because they don't."

Harry went back to picking at his food. "What's wrong with showing a little courtesy?"

"Captains don't want courtesy, they want respect," Tom said. "That's why they don't get chummy with the lower ranks."

"Don't tell Neelix, but I just sneaked a cup of coffee from the replicator," Sarah Barrett said, joining them. "He tried to guilt trip me into not doing it by saying as a senior officer I had to set an example for the crew, but I wasn't about to pour that…tar he's handing out and calling coffee down my throat. He went to the hydroponics bay to get something so I saw my chance." She studied Tom and Harry's faces briefly and saw their solemn looks. "Did someone die that I don't know about?"

Tom frowned. "Harry thinks that we should have asked the Captain to join us."

"It has to be hard for her Tom, no other Captains or Admirals to talk with," Harry argued. "She has to be quite lonely."

And that's when both officers looked at her. Sarah cocked an eyebrow while she took a sip of her coffee. "What?" she asked, placing the cup back down onto the table. It then dawned on her what they wanted her to do. "Oh no," she said, "I wouldn't know how to engage her…socially."

"You're ship's counselor Sarah, you're supposed to be her friend," Tom countered. "After all, isn't that why you're here, for her to talk too about ship's problems?"

"Right and the other one hundred and forty nine people are nothing," Sarah snapped.

Tom slipped his arm around her and turned her towards where Janeway was standing, trying to find a filled coffee pot. "Look at her Sarah, alone, in the Delta Quadrant, trying to raise two kids. You have to admit that it must be hard, only having a five year old to talk to. Now, don't you think you should go over there and invite her to sit down at that nice empty table in the corner so you two can chat?"

She didn't get to answer for he had some how pulled her out of the chair and pushed her towards Janeway. With a glance at Harry and Tom, she took a tentative step towards her commanding officer, who was looking rather upset that there wasn't any coffee left.

"Neelix?" Janeway called out, entering the galley.

"Ah, Captain," Sarah said, stepping up to the serving bar. "Can I…talk to you?"

Janeway waved her off. "Not at the moment, Counselor; I'm on a mission to find coffee." Something on the burners caught her attention and she leaned down to study it more closely. "What do you suppose this is, Lieutenant?" she asked, reaching her fingers out carefully to touch a piece of...well she couldn't be sure what it was a piece of.

"You probably don't want to know, ma'am."

Janeway looked up at her with a smirk.

"Captain!" The Talaxian's voice startled Janeway and she stood up, jumping slightly. "May I say you look beautiful this morning. Is that a new color lipstick? Maybe it's the way the glow of the food heater lamps hits you but you look wonderful. Not to suggest that you always don't look wonderful."

Sarah leaned her elbow onto the serving bar and rolled her eyes to the notice of no one.

"Neelix, do we have any coffee left?"

"No, but we have something even better!"

_Here it comes, _Sarah thought as Neelix went to the chiller and retrieved a silver pot. "Neelix, I really...need to speak to Captain Janeway, maybe you could make some coffee for her and…bring it to her?"

"We don't have any beans left, the next crop won't be ready for while," Neelix replied stepping up to Janeway.

"Neelix, I don't want something even better, I want coffee," the Captain snapped.

"It's made from a proteinaceous seed I found on an expedition," Neelix continued to babble, ignoring Janeway.

Janeway held her hand up. "Never mind, I'll use one of my replicator rations for coffee." She turned to go and briefly made eye contact with Sarah.

Before Sarah could request to speak to her again, Neelix replied, "That would not be appropriate Captain." Even Sarah felt her heart skip a beat for a moment as Janeway closed her eyes to try to collect herself.

Turning about the Captain said, "I beg your pardon?"

"You need to set an example for the crew," Neelix answered her.

"Well thank you for reminding me," Janeway replied, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

It was lost on Neelix. "You're welcome. After all if you want the crew to start accepting natural food alternatives instead of further depleting our energy reserves, you need to encourage them by your own choices, don't you?"

"Fine," Janeway relented, "give me your better-than-coffee substitute."

Sarah felt the strongest urge to fake a medical emergency at that point, for the Captain's sake, as Neelix poured a brown goopy substance into her cup. The young counselor couldn't see her commanding officer's face, but she was sure it was shocked. The comline beeped then and Chakotay's voice could be heard asking for Janeway. She seemed more than eager to leave and sprinted away from Neelix, turning about at the galley's door, commenting, "Another time perhaps." Before she disappeared she spun about, "Sarah, Michael should be almost done eating, he's really excited about his project. See you on the bridge."

After Janeway was gone Neelix drank the substance down while Tom stepped up to the serving bar. "That went well, Lieutenant. I'm sure the Captain feels better knowing that you're here to talk too."

"Shut up, Paris," Sarah snapped, moving towards the table that Michael had sat down at and was finishing his breakfast. The little boy eagerly stood up proclaiming that he was ready for school and they left the mess hall together.

"Sarah," Michael said, "why doesn't anyone call Mama by her name?"

"Well," she replied hastily, "I guess protocol. People just aren't comfortable with calling their captain by her first name."

"Why not?"

"Why don't we talk about your project instead?"

That got the little boy's mind onto other things as they stepped out of the turbo lift on deck four, heading towards the school room, and for that Sarah was relieved.

* * *

"There was no need for you to come to the bridge, Captain," Commander Chakotay said as Kathryn stepped out of the turbo lift.

Her thoughts wandered to the substance that Neelix had been pouring her when she had been saved by Chakotay's hail. "Yes there was." She stepped down to the command center, placing her arms behind her back. "What is it that you wanted to speak to me about?"

"I just wanted to alert you to a nebula that we've picked up on long range sensors," Chakotay replied.

"Put it on screen."

A mass of purples, pinks, and blues could be seen on the viewscreen, but Kathryn wanted to see the beauty of the nebula up closer. "Magnify." The image got bigger and it was even prettier at this close range than before.

"There are unusually high levels of omicron particles in this nebula, Captain," Lieutenant Commander Tuvok reported.

"Are you thinking we could collect these omicron particles to provide an additional antimatter reserve, Commander?" Kathryn asked, feeling optimistic.

"Precisely."

Kathryn grinned and turned about heading for her chair, ordering the senior bridge officers to report for duty. "Commander, set a new course. There's coffee in that nebula."

"Yes ma'am," Chakotay replied with a small smile. He hadn't known Janeway very long, but he did know about her addiction to coffee. Every time he went into her ready room to go over status reports she offered him a cup.

Kathryn leaned in closer to him so only he could hear her. "Exploring this nebula should raise a few spirits around here, don't you think Commander?" she asked as Tom Paris and Harry Kim exited the turbo lift and took their stations.

"No way to go but up," he replied.

"You're closer to the crew than I am," Kathryn said. "How bad is it?"

"There's a _nuanka_—a period of mourning that everyone's going through," Chakotay answered. "It's a natural reaction."

"I'm worried about them," she replied, glancing over his shoulder at Harry Kim. "I know we have Sarah, and that she has the training to deal with grieving, but I hate to put the problem of crew morale squarely on her shoulders."

"If she's feeling the strain she hasn't said anything, at least not to me," Chakotay countered.

Kathryn shook her head. "I don't think she would, Commander. When we left Deep Space Nine she had something to prove, not only to herself, but to Starfleet as well. I'm worried that the stress of keeping the morale of this crew up is severely dampening her confidence. You've seen it, one minute she's oozing with it, the next it's as if it never existed. I wish there was something that I could do to help her, but the truth is I don't even know how to guide myself."

"We talk to animals," Chakotay answered. "It's a native American tradition."

"Animals?"

"Our own counselors. We're taught that an animal guide accompanies us through life. Basically it's what Carl Jung thought he had invented when he came up with 'active imagination' technique in 1932 but we've been doing it pretty much the same thing for centuries."

She seemed genuinely interested in his culture, which touched him. "Is there a different animal guide for everyone?"

"Actually yes."

"Let me guess, yours is a bear."

He laughed. "Why do you say that?"

"You strike me as the bear type."

Chakotay wondered briefly why this woman was having so much trouble talking to her crew. She was compassionate, she had a sense of humor, and was respectful. "Thank you," he replied, "the bear is a very powerful animal. It has great _pokattah_, but he's not my animal guide. The creature that guides us doesn't define who we are. It merely chooses to be with us."

Kathryn seemed to determine to figure out what his animal guide was. "Ok, if not a bear, than what?"

"I can't tell you that," Chakotay answered with sly grin. "It would offend my animal guide if I spoke its name."

"But he guides you well?"

"Actually it's female, and yes, she usually guides me very well."

"Can one just choose their animal guide?"

"It's not quite that simple."

Sensors were beeping, pulling her attention away from Chakotay. She looked over at Tom Paris as he spoke. The young pilot glanced over his shoulder to see his commanding officers leaning close together. "We're approaching the perimeter of the nebula," he told her, going back to his controls.

"Slow to one third impulse."

"If you're interested," Chakotay whispered, "I'd be glad to teach you how to contact your animal guide."

She smiled before getting up. "You've got a date."

Chakotay didn't know why, but he got little butterflies in his stomach when she said that.

"Analysis Mister Kim."

"Seven AU's in diameter," Kim replied. "Sensors are picking up intermittent gamma and thermal emissions. Nothing our shields can't handle."

Kathryn crossed her arms over her chest. "Mister Paris, any problems for navigation?"

"I'm showing mostly hydrogen, helium, hydroxyl radicals; some local dust nodules. I don't see them giving us any trouble," Paris answered.

"Mister Tuvok, can you find us a rich deposit of omicron particles in there?"

"A significant concentration appears to exist approximately sixty four million kilometers inside the perimeter," the Vulcan answered.

Kathryn smiled. "Set coordinates."

"Aye Captain."

"Engines at one quarter impulse, engage."

The viewscreen turned into a mass of large pink fibers, parting to allow _Voyager _to pass through. It was beautiful and it was something that no one on that bridge had ever seen before. Harry was the one to voice the thoughts of all of them. "I've never seen anything like it!"

Janeway chuckled for she was sure that would garner the young ensign a reprimand from Tuvok.

"Density has increased to forty-two percent," Paris reported.

"Cause?"

"Not sure, we seem to be drawing some interstellar dust towards us," the helmsman replied.

"Engineering could the magnetic field from our impulse drives be attracting this dust?" Kathryn asked over the comlink.

"_It's a good possibility Captain,_" B'Elanna's voice filled the bridge. "_I'm showing the dust with a return force ratio of 4.1. I recommend that we shut down the impulse engines and go to thrusters."_

"Acknowledged, engage thrusters Mister Paris; ahead slow," Kathryn ordered, stepping down the command station to stand behind him.

"Density still increasing," Paris said. "It's up to seventy percent."

"The level of resistance poses no danger to the hull at this time, Captain," Tuvok reported.

Kathryn placed her hands on her hips. "How far are your omicron particle deposits?"

"Twelve thousand four hundred kilometers."

She was going to tell them to maintain course when the ship shook violently. Grabbing onto the conn Kathryn tried to steady herself as she yelled out, "Report!" The ship stopped moving and she was able to stand up straight.

"We're at a dead stop now," Tom said.

"_I'm shutting down the thrusters,_" B'Elanna said over the comlink.

"We seem to have encountered an energy barrier," Tuvok said.

"Is it natural or artificial?"

"_I'm not reading any directed energy source,_" Torres said. "_My guess is it's a natural phenomenon._"

Kathryn was not about to give up, not when they were this close. "How far away from the particles are we?" she asked Tuvok over her shoulder.

"Seven thousand kilometers."

"It's conceivable this energy barrier is related to the particles," Kathryn mused. "Mister Kim if you could get a transporter beam through the barrier…"

Harry seemed to know where she was taking this. "Can't do it Captain," he said before she finished, "The thoron emissions of the barrier would interfere with the transporter signal."

Kathryn was pacing the command station now. "Miss Torres do we have enough power to take the ship through the barrier?"

"_The barrier appears to be only fifty meters deep,_" Torres replied. "_A four second burst at maximum thrusters ought to do it._"

Chakotay and Kathryn exchanged glances before the Captain made her decision. "Alright, maximum shields. Engage full thrusters for four seconds and then drop to one-quarter."

"Acknowledged," Paris said, moving his chair across the conn. "Engaging full thrusters." The image of the viewscreen warped as the ship moved forward through the barrier and they were now looking at luminescent green and blue…objects floating it appeared in a region of space devoid of stars.

Kathryn had studied nebulas throughout her career and she had never seen any nebula quite like this. "What do you make of it Tuvok?"

"I am unable to offer any identification, Captain," Tuvok replied.

"Captain," Paris said, "the breach where we just penetrated the field... it just closed behind us."

Suddenly the blue/green objects started to bombard the ship. "Red alert!"

"Whatever they are, they're passing right through our shields," Chakotay said.

"Try reversing the shield polarity," Kathryn ordered and asked Tuvok for a report.

"They appeared to be made up of a non reactive material that our sensors do not recognize Captain."

"Clarify…are we under attack?"

"Uncertain, there is no indication of directed fire," Tuvok replied.

"_Torres to Bridge._"

"Go ahead," Kathryn said, her hand gripping the rail near tactical.

"_These…things are sticking to the hull_," Torres replied, "_And I'm showing a drain on our energy reserves_."

"A drain? Why would we be loosing energy?"

"_I'm not sure, Captain, they seem to be drawing it right through the shield grid along the hull_."

"We've lost five percent of our energy reserves," Kim reported. "Recommend we shut down non-essential systems."

"Do it."

"Reserving shield polarity hasn't had any effect."

"Energy reserves are down eight percent."

_This is crazy Kathryn, all this for what, a cup of coffee? _"This is not what I had in mind. Mister Paris take us back through the energy barrier and out of here."

"Reversing course, full thrusters," Paris reported. The ship turned about and the energy barrier could be seen before them, but when Paris tried to get the ship through, they rammed into it, bouncing violently off of it. "We're not penetrating the energy barrier this time. "

"Sensors show a build up of magneside dust along the outer rim of the barrier," Tuvok announced.

"Engineering, I need more power."

"_We can't go back to impulse, Captain, that's how our problems started. Our best chance is to burn the aft thrusters beyond the recommended limits._"

"Proceed."

Torres reported that she was accelerating the deuterium to the rear thrusters. Kathryn became aware during this time that Chakotay was suddenly standing next to her.

"We have a complement of thirty eight photon torpedoes at our disposal, Captain," he said.

"And no way to replace them after they're gone," Kathryn said.

"_Aft thrusters at one hundred and five percent…one hundred fifteen percent._"

"The barrier's still holding," Paris reported. "We need something else," he said to Janeway over his shoulder.

"Give me a two second blast from the forward phaser bank," Kathryn ordered.

"Firing phasers," Tuvok reported as a blast of energy shot forth from the bow and hit the barrier. It didn't have any effect. They had no other choice but to use a photon torpedo. She gave Chakotay a small nod of her head, and he proceeded to carry through having a photon torpedo loaded and ready to be fired.

"Mister Paris, assuming we can breach the energy barrier it's likely to close again, like it did the first time," Kathryn said to Tom while they waited for the weapon to be ready.

"I'll be riding the tail of our torpedo captain."

"Torpedo is loaded."

"Align the coordinates along the ship's heading and fire!"

The torpedo shot out of the tube and hit the barrier dead one, disrupting it. Paris maneuvered _Voyager _through the new breach and through the pink fibrous clouds. It was more turbulent this time and he was having trouble navigating through the energy currents. But finally, after several harrowing seconds, they cleared the central mass. Kathryn ordered a stand down of red alert.

"Take us to two thousand kilometers off the perimeter and hold position," she ordered, moving back towards her chair with a small pat on Paris' shoulder to acknowledge his flying. "Get a sample of that matter off the hull for Lieutenant Torres to analyze. I'd like to know what it was that humbled every defense system on this ship."

Chakotay nodded his head and left the bridge while Kathryn turned towards Harry. "Mister Kim, how much of our energy reserves did we lose?"

"Eleven percent, Captain."

She shook her head sadly. "I'm just going to have to give up coffee, that's all there is to it."

"_Sickbay to Bridge._"

_Now what? _Kathryn though dejected as she was about to sit down in her chair. "Go ahead, Doctor."

"_You might want to come down to sickbay._"

"Ava?" she guessed. _I knew I should have had the Doctor take a look at her gums and give her something to help them._

"_Actually no, Counselor Barrett was brought in here, complaining of severe abdominal pain, however when I examined her, I found no traces of injury or illness_," the Doctor replied.

Kathryn rubbed her temples, frustrated. "Then why do you wish to speak to me Doctor?"

"_Naturally I did a complete bio scan of her systems_," he replied. "_Her brain showed high levels of theta wave activity_."

"Theta wave? Are you suggesting that someone…caused the pain telepathically?"

"_It's quite possible._"

Kathryn stood up, straightening her tunic. "I'm on my way, Janeway out. Mister Tuvok you have the bridge, I'll be in sickbay."

* * *


	32. Chapter 32

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: The Red Sox are in the playoffs which mean late nights and updating just to stay a wake! Look for more soon!

* * *

Sarah stared up at the ceiling angrily. "Doctor," she snapped, "I feel fine now. Really it was probably something that I ate; just be glad you don't have to eat whatever it is Neelix calls food. My stomach has always been sensitive."

"I don't think it was your stomach," the Doctor snapped back, moving to stand besides the biobed. "You complained of a sharp pain, as if someone was stabbing you, did you not?"

She frowned. "I'm beginning to wish that I hadn't told you so much in detail how it felt like."

The doors to sickbay hissed open and Janeway stepped through, a concerned look on her face. "Report, Doctor."

"Lieutenant Barrett is going to be fine. Her theta wave activity is back down to normal levels, however, I did a scan of her neural activity for the past twenty four hours," the hologram replied, moving towards a panel. Janeway followed as he called up a graphic. "Here is her neural patterns; at the two precise times her theta wave activity goes through the roof, her pain receptors fire. She claims that she felt a stabbing pain, like someone was punching right through her side with a knife."

Kathryn studied the screen intensely. "Do you think that someone…or something perhaps, telepathically inflicted the pain on her?"

"It's not impossible," the Doctor replied. "However, I'm not entirely sure where the telepathic connection could have come from and whoever, or whatever it was, the link, and all traces of it, is gone now. I don't see the need to keep her here. She is however under strict instructions to report back to me if it should happen again."

The Captain looked over the computer panel at the biobed that Sarah was resting on. "I'll take her off duty for the rest of the day. We don't need her to study a bizarre nebula. Anything else I can do for you Doctor?"

"Deactivate me before you leave," the hologram replied, sternly.

She flashed him a look, but complied. "Computer, deactivate the EMH." The hologram shimmered out of existence. Kathryn went to stand next to the biobed. Sarah was sitting up looking dejectedly at the floor. "Is this what you wanted to speak to me about, before, in the mess hall?" Kathryn asked, she couldn't be certain, but the young woman's eyes seemed to flash with horror.

"Um, no actually, it happened after I had asked to speak to you, ma'am," Sarah replied, eyes refusing to look at her captain. "I had to send Michael home earlier, it was...crippling. If it had really been someone hurting me, it's quite possible...the wound would have been...fatal." Her eyes still refused to look at Kathryn. "It could have just been stress, the Doctor is making mountains out of mole hills."

Kathryn found the action odd. "Sarah, what's going on?" _Has she finally broken under the heavy stress of keeping this crew's morale up? Have I been too busy wallowing in my own self pity that I haven't noticed? Kathryn, you should be aware when something is wrong! You're her Captain! _Mental chastising aside, she reached out to grab a hold of the young woman's hand. "If you need me to help you lighten the burden of this crew's well being, then just say so Sarah."

"It wasn't crew that I wanted to speak to you about before," Sarah mumbled.

"Then what was it, Sarah?" Kathryn asked, gently, motherly.

"_Celes to Janeway._"

Kathryn tapped her combadge. "Go ahead Tal."

"_You might want to come back to your quarters ma'am, Ava's teething has gone from bad to worse._"

The Captain looked at her counselor, asking for assurance that it was alright to leave her. "Its okay, Captain. I think I'm just going to return to my quarters to take a nap," Sarah said, suddenly feeling exhausted.

Kathryn nodded her head and told Sarah that she would check up on her later, exiting sickbay to go and be a mother.

* * *

_Why did you hurt me?_

Sarah Barrett sat up in bed, eyes flying opening, and glanced around the room. In the stillness of the late afternoon hour the lights were dimmed and there was nothing but the sound of her haggard breathing. Lying back down onto the bed, she hadn't even pulled the sheets down, she realized that she was still dressed in her uniform. She hadn't even bothered getting pajamas on. The telepathic link before with…whoever or whatever, had left her exhausted.

Closing her eyes she tried to settle back down and go to back to sleep. It was proving to be difficult. The voice was stuck in her head, _why did you hurt me? Shouldn't I be the one to ask that question? _She thought, rolling over onto her side. _After all I'm the one that got hurt. _

Something bumped in the living room. Rolling over onto her stomach she reached underneath the bed and grabbed the phaser she had stashed there. Maybe it had been her paranoid mind, when the Doctor said that someone was linking with her telepathically that had caused her to grab the phaser, but she was not taking any chances. Setting the phaser on stun, she concealed it behind her back, pretending to be sound asleep. In the dim light she sensed a shadow move across her face, a hand reached out to grasp her shoulder.

Sitting up phaser pointing, the stunned form of Tom Paris stepped back, yelping.

"Tom!"

"What the hell are you doing! Trying to kill someone!"

Sarah swallowed the nervous bile that had risen in her throat and placed the phaser down on the nightstand. "Well that should teach you to go breaking into people's quarters. How the hell did you get in here anyways?"

"If I told you, you might pick that phaser up and kill me," Tom quipped.

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Okay, be that way; next question, and if you don't answer me straight this time, I am going to pick up that phaser and at least stun you. _Why _did you break into my quarters?"

He grabbed her by the wrist suddenly and yanked her to her feet, not delicately either. "Come on, I have something to show you."

"Something to show me?" Sarah repeated, still wondering how he had managed to disable the lock on her quarters.

"Yeah…call it a gift," Tom replied, eyeing the phaser nervously.

"A gift? My birthday isn't until June, it's only February," Sarah said.

"March."

"Huh?"

"It's actually March," Tom said, pulling her out of the quarters, heading towards the turbo lift. "We've been in the Delta Quadrant for two and a half months now. Surely I thought you would have realized that."

Sarah frowned. She had been so busy keeping crew morale up that she had lost track of the days and time. They all seemed to blend together in one giant blur. "Well, when you stopped bringing champagne by my quarters to celebrate each week I kind of lost track." They entered the turbo lift and Tom called out their destination, deck fourteen. _What's on deck fourteen?_

"Well," Tom said, replying to her earlier statement. "Since Neelix started cooking I realized that my replicator rations could be better spent on food that I could actually eat and enjoy, without the worrying about what it's doing to my digestive system."

She wasn't going to argue. Her stomach had always been sensitive to spices and other types of foods but since Neelix had taken over in the galley she had found herself in sickbay more and more looking for acid relief. When the Doctor suggested that she stop eating the food she had told him unless he was going to cook for her, she didn't have much of a choice.

The doors to the turbo lift swished open and Tom let her step out first before leading her along the corridors. They stopped outside the doors of the holodeck and Sarah knew she should have expected him to be taking her here. He activated a program and the doors opened. Before them was a walkway of some sorts leading up to sometime of bar or pub. She could hear sea gulls and other various sounds of a wharf. On the side of the building in front of them was a sign that read _Chez Sandrine. _Tom gestured for her to go in first and she cautiously stepped inside. When the reached the doors, he surprised her by being a gentleman and opening them for her.

In the middle of the room was a pool table where a group made up of humans and various aliens were playing a game. When the doors opened everyone looked up and said, "Hey Tom!"

Sarah cocked him a grin. "Come here often?"

"This is where I spent most of my second semester at the Academy."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"I chose the Starfleet base outside of Marseille for my physical training," Tom continued, walking towards the bar where a petite blonde woman was wiping wine glasses dry. "I always had a thing about the French."

The woman laughed and came around the bar. "And the French always had a thing about you," she said in a thick accent. She gave him a kiss on the lips and Sarah was sure that he squirmed a little. "And with a name like Paris and a face like that how could they not?" She glanced over Tom's shoulder to see Sarah standing there. "Oh, who is this you've brought with you Tommy? A new girlfriend?"

"Tommy?"

Tom pushed away from the woman. "Sandrine, this is my friend, Sarah Barrett."

"Oh just friends?"

"Just friends," Sarah said, firmly.

Sandrine didn't look convinced, and said, "We shall see. What can I get for you and your chéri Tommy?"

"How about a nice bottle of merlot," Tom requested, pulling out a chair at a nearby table for Sarah. Sandrine went behind the bar to retrieve a bottle of wine and two glasses. The room wasn't too small, nor was it too large, but it was cozy, a piano was there for live entertainment, the pool table attracted some of the great players from all over the world, and there was always a wide array of characters present every night. "I learned a lot that semester at the Academy," he said, thoughtfully.

"Oui, and most of it from me," Sandrine said, returning and pouring them each a glass of wine.

Sarah couldn't be certain but she thought there was a hint of jealousy in the hologram's eyes. With a wry little smile she replied to the woman in French. Sandrine looked impressed and walked away, going to tend to her bar and customers. Tom was gaping at her. "My mother was from a small town outside of Paris. She insisted that my brother and I knew how to speak French. You didn't know? I thought you had studied every last inch of my personnel file?"

"Well Sarah isn't exactly a French name now is it?" Tom replied, trying to defend himself.

"But Cosette is."

"Pardon?"

"If you had looked my file over as thoroughly as you once claimed you did, then you would have noticed that my mother's name was Cosette, and that it is my middle name as well," Sarah replied, taking a sip of wine. "Really Tom, I thought you were more astute than that."

Tom blinked, completely aware that he had missed that little detail in her file. "I thought I was too, apparently I'm not." He looked at his empty wine glass; he had not even realized that in his anxious state he had completely downed the whole glass. It was a good thing that it was holographic wine. He told Sarah that he was going to get another glass and rose from the table, striding over to the bar. Sandrine already had the bottle waiting for him. She poured him a glass, studying him for a moment.

"Pretty girl, that one is," she said. "It's not often you bring a girl here. Usually the girl is waiting for you."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess I've changed a lot since I've last been here Sandrine. Perhaps you don't realize how much."

"Perhaps," Sandrine replied, going about wiping clean some glasses. "But perhaps not, you always wanted, deep down inside, Tommy, to have a family of your own. You think you were so good at hiding it, but I know these things. You are not so different from everyone else."

Tom glanced over his shoulder at Sarah, sipping her wine and looking about the room. She seemed relaxed here, which is what he had wanted when he had created the program, a place that _Voyager's _crew could come and relax and perhaps feel a piece of home. If the desired effect was achieved, Tom knew that it would lighten her burden for sure. The strain had been apparent recently. After the cut shore leave time to find him and Michael Janeway he had seen Sarah reach a point where she was about to break. Someone was usually there to stop it, but it seemed to him that only when the moment was upon them, that any of the senior officers intervened. He had started working on the program in the hopes that this early intervention would quell the storm. And maybe treat some homesickness. He would never admit it out loud, but there was a part of him that longed for Earth. And yet there was the other part nagging at him, telling him that he had a whole new chance at life out here in the Delta Quadrant. Maybe someday a life with Sarah.

Taking his now refilled glass back to the table he met her gaze with a soft smile. She returned it and for the smallest amount of time he felt that this evening could actually end well, but then her face paled over as she cried out in agony. His glass hit the floor as he went to catch her before she fell from the chair and he managed to catch her in his arms. As he fumbled with his combadge to report a medical emergency, her face turned up towards him, a hallow look in her eyes as she whispered out, "Why are you hurting me?"

* * *

Kathryn looked over a few PADDs. She had been in a fairly good mood this morning, even with Neelix's _better than coffee _substance; however, things were rapidly going down hill. After the failed attempt to retrieve an energy source from the nebula, she had to sort out the Doctor's reports on the telepathic link that the Doctor suspected had been created to cause Sarah Barrett pain, B'Elanna Torres had yet to give her the report on the substance they had literally scrapped from their hull, and she had what felt like a million other status reports to go over. On top of all that Ava's teething was beginning to put a crimp on things and the pain reliever that the Doctor had given had succeeded in making her crankier and exhausted.

When Kathryn had left her quarters hours earlier it felt like, Ava had been asleep, probably for the night, to the relief of both her mother and her baby-sitter.

The door chimed sounded and she didn't bother looking up from what she was working on. "Come in."

"Repair teams have degaussed the hull, Captain."

"Good, let's plan an 0700 departure," she told him, looking up. She noticed that he was carrying something, an animal skin, underneath his arm. "What's this?"

"My medicine bundle. I've never shown it to anyone before," Chakotay replied. "After what you said this morning, I thought it was important to let you see."

A smile fluttered across her face. "Will it help me find my animal guide?" she asked, all the while thinking, _maybe an animal guide knows how to deal with a teething toddler. _

"Eventually you'll have to assemble your own medicine bundle," Chakotay told her. "But this will allow me to assist you in your quest for a guide."

Kathryn looked at him for a moment, then realization dawned on her. "Now?" He smiled. She set her jaw and gave him a small nod of her head. "Now." She watched as he moved towards the upper level of the ready room and sat down on the floor, opening the medicine bundle onto the coffee table. He looked at her, apprehensively and she realized that he wanted her to join him on the floor. Putting the PADD in her hand onto the table, she got up out of her chair and joined him.

He showed her the contents of the medicine bundle, a blackbird's wing, a stone from the river, and an _akoonah_. He gently took her hand and placed it on the _akoonah_ and instructed her to focus on the stone and its markings.

"A-koo-chee-moya, we are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers, we are far from the bones our people, but perhaps there is one powerful being who will embrace this woman and give her the answers she seeks," Chakotay began, in an even, gentle tone. "Allow your eyes to close, breath to feel the light in your belly and let it expand until the light is everywhere."

Kathryn felt her eyes drift shut. Her breathing was slow, relaxed, she could feel the light that Chakotay was speaking about filling her entire body and the space around her.

"Prepare yourself to leave this room, and this ship, to return to a place that you were the most content, the most peaceful that you have ever been." Her eyes opened while his disembodied voice continued. "You can see all around you and hear the sounds of this place."

She could hear seagulls; smell the ocean, the sun was setting over the sea before her. Immediately she recognized where she was. It had been a healing place for her and Michael, a private beach in the Bahamas. Kathryn had taken her son there after the death of Bryan and before finding out she was pregnant with Ava. After she had ended up in Starfleet Medical with pregnancy complications the doctor who had treated her ordered her to take shore leave until the baby was born. Kathryn had packed Michael back up and spent the last two months of her pregnancy at this very same beach, allowing the soothing sounds of the ocean and the wildlife around them to heal their wounds. She had wanted to take Ava there someday. "I know this place," she whispered, a smile breaking across her face. "It's—."

"You must not discuss with me what you see," Chakotay's voice told her. "It will offend your animal guide."

Kathryn settled back onto her haunches and looked around; soaking in the familiar sense of peace the beach gave her. Even now, before she had found her animal guide, she could feel it's therapeutic affects. It was the most peace she had felt since being flung into the Delta Quadrant.

"As you continue to look around, you will become aware of other life that shares this place with you," Chakotay's voice said. "It will be the first animal you see, that is the one you will speak too. Do you see an animal?"

Her eyes roamed around until they rested on a sunken log, nestled in some bushes. There was a salamander crawling across it. She smiled, "Yes."

"Speak to it."

Kathryn laid down onto her stomach, reaching her hand out to the salamander. "What do I say?"

"You know what you want to ask."

_About a million things, are we ever going to get home? Can I hold this crew together long enough to achieve that goal? Will Ava ever stop teething? _The salamander crawled up onto her fingers, looking at her pensively, as if telling her that he was there waiting to answer her, whenever she was ready to ask. And then comlink went off.

"_Sickbay to Captain Janeway."_

Kathryn's eyes snapped open. She looked at Chakotay apologetically. "I'm sorry; I should have told the computer no interruptions." Reaching down while Chakotay gathered up his medicine bundle, she tapped her combadge. "Go ahead Doctor."

"_Yourself and Commander Chakotay may want to come down to sickbay_," the Doctor replied. "_I have found out two things that might peak your interest. One being about that nebula, the other Lieutenant Barrett._"

* * *


	33. Chapter 33

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

* * *

Chakotay watched as his captain nervously paced around the turbolift while it made its decent to deck five. A few moments before she had been the most peaceful he had ever known her to be. How things could change so quickly out in the Delta Quadrant.

"I didn't like the Doctor's tone of voice," Kathryn finally said after several seconds of pacing. "Whatever he has to tell us, it's not going to be good."

"He's a hologram, Captain, he uses the same tone of voice all the time," Chakotay replied. "I'm not sure we can inflect anything from the tone of voice he was using."

Kathryn stopped her pacing to glare at him, not a patent Janeway 'death glare' as most of the crew had nicknamed it, but it was close enough that it sent shivers up his spine. With amusement he wondered if the children would someday pull off the same look and have the same affect. "Oh I think we can. He didn't sound smug or arrogant like usual, he actually sounded…confounded to me."

Chakotay quirked an eyebrow as the lift doors swished open and they stepped out into the corridor. Kathryn led the way, walking along at a pace that maddening to keep up too. _For someone so tiny she sure can move quickly. _They reached sickbay, matching stride for stride, and the doors opened automatically. Inside was quiet but there was a sense of tension in the air. Chakotay felt a cold feeling being to form in the pit of his stomach and creep up his spine and consumed his whole body.

The Doctor was peering at a biocomputer near the surgical biobed with a dark look upon his face, while B'Elanna Torres was leaning against a bulk head near by. Tom Paris was pacing back and forth in front of the biobed and when he moved past, revealing it to the Captain and First Officer, the command team could clearly make out the prone from of Sarah Barrett on it.

Kathryn's blue eyes fleeted towards his and for a brief second he saw fear running through them. But as quickly as it had come, it was gone. The determined mask that was Captain Kathryn Janeway had been firmly put in place. "You wanted to see us Doctor?"

The hologram peered up at her, his brow furrowing. "Yes," he replied. "I believe I have found out whom…or what is causing the telepathic link with Lieutenant Barrett."

Both Captain and First Officer waited for the hologram to continue, but when he didn't, Chakotay was the one to finally ask, "Well?"

"Lieutenant Torres brought me a sample of the residue from the nebula," the Doctor continued. Here he paused again and the half Klingon looked about the room, confused for a moment, then stepped forward, leaving her resting place against the bulkhead.

"I wanted the Doctor's opinion," she told her commanding officers. "I found traces of organic matter in the original scans that I did."

Kathryn nodded her head. "Microscopic organisms from the nebula?"

B'Elanna shook her head. "No, that's not what I mean. The samples are clearly organic elements from a much larger lifeform. It appears, Captain that this nebula is not a nebula at all."

Before Kathryn could even muster a reply, the Doctor spoke up. "Which led me to believe that when you…rammed your ship through it, that Counselor Barrett was affected; according to ship's logs, _Voyager _had to blast their way out of the nebula to return to normal space. Therefore, two sharp, painful stabs to the abdomen."

"How would Sarah have felt this if she's human? You would have to be Betazoid, or from some other species with empathic and telepathic powers to feel that," Chakotay pointed out.

The Doctor beamed. "I'm glad you asked that question Commander." Chakotay could have sworn he saw Kathryn roll her eyes. "I looked up her medical file to see if she has reported any other instances of feeling pain when there are no signs of injury. There were none, however, there is a bunch of interesting stuff in her psychological profile. Apparently, she has been known to have…prophetic dreams before. She helped save an entire away team from a Borg cube because she had a dream of them being detected. It earned her recommendation to Lieutenant Commander. However, we know where the story goes from there."

"Doctor!" Kathryn gasped, hoping to stop his rambling.

The hologram frowned. "Sorry, Captain," he said. "Anyways, several weeks ago when Mister Neelix was attacked by the Viidians, Lieutenant Barrett came down to see me for her check up, remember she was still in the recovery process from her injuries after the shuttle accident?" All present nodded their heads. "She told me about a dream that she had, in a cave, where Commander Chakotay was telling her to not go any further. The last thing she could recall from the dream was a feeling that her lungs had been taken from her when she was attacked. I brushed it off as being post traumatic stress. But what if it wasn't? Neelix was attacked in a cave, was he not?"

Chakotay saw Kathryn's face pale a little. "She never mentioned this to any of us."

"I figured as much," the Doctor replied with a slight frown. "She didn't seem to keen to let anyone know."

The First Officer shook his head. "I told her," he lamented, "I told her to speak to me…to anyone. This is how she fell last time, Captain. She bottled up her emotions and it just exploded within her. We can't afford to allow her to this to herself."

His tone of concern for the young woman touched Kathryn. She nodded her head in agreement, thinking back to their conversation that very morning about Sarah. "I agree with you Commander. Let's have the Doctor finish, however, I think he has more to tell us."

"You are correct, Captain," the hologram said. "While Lieutenant Torres and I did our own analysis of the nebula, Mister Paris brought Lieutenant Barrett in. He said that she had toppled over in the holodeck. She was disorientated, and kept asking _why did you hurt me?_" He cleared his throat and indicated to the woman laying on the biobed. "I sedated her. But her scans have turned up some interesting…and perhaps disturbing results." He gestured for Kathryn to join him at the panel. Kathryn reluctantly did so.

"As you can see Captain," the hologram pointed out, "Lieutenant Barrett clearly has human DNA but here…"

"She has Betazoid DNA," Kathryn breathed, reaching back into her Academy days when she had taken a genetics course.

Paris stopped his pacing then and blinked. "How come she never said anything?"

"I don't think she knew," the Doctor replied.

"How could she not know?" Chakotay asked.

"Because, her mother was adopted."

Chakotay glanced at Kathryn for a moment. The Captain was staring at the panel intensely, lost in thought. He recalled that Sarah had said she was not particularly close with her mother. It made sense that her mother had never bothered to inform her daughter that she was part Betazoid. But, perhaps her mother didn't even know.

"Was her mother adopted from Betazoid?" Kathryn was asking.

"The records on the adoption are sealed. I do not have the authority to look at them," the Doctor replied.

"Transfer the records to my personal computer in my ready room," Kathryn said. "I might have the authority. I'd like to get to the bottom of this before we wake her up and tell her. This has the potential to be life altering information for her, I'd like us to have our cards straight."

"Aye Captain."

Kathryn looked at B'Elanna. "Let's get to the Bridge." She started to move out of the room, Chakotay and B'Elanna following her. Glancing over her shoulder she noticed that Tom was lingering behind. "Tom," she called, softly, trying her best not to infuse her command voice into the call. She could see that the young pilot was upset by the turn of events, as were all of them. But she needed Tom at the helm. His grey-blue eyes snapped up to meet her azure gaze and he nodded his head, joining the other officers.

She noticed that the pilot was extremely quiet in the turbolift ride back up to the bridge.

"When we arrive, we need to find out if we did serious damage to the lifeform and if there is anyway that we can help it," Kathryn told her officers. B'Elanna and Chakotay rambled off some suggestions, but Kathryn found that her eyes would not leave the tortured expression on Tom's face. She held a hand up to silence the others, and turned to face him. "Tom," she whispered. "None of us could have helped her. It was the lifeform that initiated the contact, not us."

"The Doctor had it wrong," he whispered, "she didn't say _why did you hurt me, _she said, _why are you hurting me._"

Kathryn gently placed a hand on his arm as the doors to the turbolift hissed open. "If we help the lifeform, we'll help her."

Tom nodded his head and focus seemed to creep back into his pupils. He stepped out of the lift first and strode to his station.

Kathryn gestured for Chakotay and B'Elanna to join her at tactical. Tuvok was standing there, and hardly batted an eyelash when the three other officers crammed into the small space. She ordered the scans of the nebula be brought up and asked Harry to patch the Doctor through on the emergency medical holographic channel. Sickbay could be seen suddenly on the main viewscreen. The hologram was standing at the surgical biobed, running some more tests on Sarah. Kathryn bit her lip, realizing that she should have told him to go into the office. _Too late for that now, _she thought as she caught a glimpse of Harry's concerned face.

She turned her back on the screen and began working on the console next to B'Elanna.

"I'm curious Captain," the hologram finally broke the silence. "What exactly are you looking for that you couldn't have asked me down in sickbay?"

"I need to know if we did serious harm to this lifeform," she replied, tersely.

"Let's see," the Doctor said. "You rammed your ship through it, fired phasers at it, and blew a hole through it with a photon torpedo; I'd say there's a considerable chance—."

"Computer, mute audio," Kathryn snapped. She couldn't concentrate with his sarcastic rant in the background. Behind her the hologram looked annoyed that he had been shut up. "Isolate that concentration of omicron particles we were trying to get too."

B'Elanna typed a few keys and pointed at the screen. "That would be right there."

"Mister Tuvok," Kathryn said.

"I'm afraid that the concentration of particles is far lower than I originally observed," Tuvok answered her silent question. "Further more, it appears that many of the particles have now moved outside the energy barrier."

No one seemed to notice the disgruntled hologram behind them, stalking about, glaring at their backs. "Is it possible they're leaking out of the breach that we made?" Kathryn asked her trusted friend.

"That would be a logical conclusion."

She let out a heavy sigh. "It's also a logical conclusion that all of the phenomenon we encountered were this lifeform's natural defense systems."

"The way the barrier was protecting the omicron particles almost suggests that we were entering a vital organ," Chakotay who had been silent during the whole exchange, spoke up.

"So it seems very clear, we've severely hurt an innocent lifeform," Kathryn concluded, shaking her head sadly. "How do we repair the harm we've done?"

The Doctor was waving his arms about, trying to get their attention. Only Tom seemed to notice. He glanced over his shoulder at the quad and called out, "Ah Captain."

Kathryn turned about to see her chief medical officer waving his arms over his head. If their situation had not been so serious, she may have burst out laughing at how ridiculous he looked. "Computer, resume audio."

"How kind of you."

She shook her head, suppressing the urge to mute the audio again.

"You maybe interested to know that the analysis of the organic sample suggests that this lifeform has the capacity to regenerate," the Doctor informed the senior staff. "The process may simply need a helping hand."

"Any ideas how we could stimulate regeneration?"

"Actually Lieutenant Torres has the answer."

B'Elanna looked perplexed. "I do?"

"You were the one who first observed that this lifeform has a nucleogenic structure."

The half-Klingon looked at Kathryn pensively before speaking, "If the lifeform has a nucleogenic structure, then nucleonic radiation ought to assistance it's healing process. A nucleonic beam along the edges of the breach should theoretically promote regeneration."

The Doctor smiled, and with a snap of his fingers, congratulated her, "Bravo."

"Commander," Kathryn ordered, "take us to yellow alert and advise the crew that we are going to reenter the lifeform."

Chakotay nodded his head and moved away from tactical with Kathryn and B'Elanna.

"Mister Kim, review all systems in light of our first experience and see if you can see if you can provide new safe guards," Kathryn told him, she notice him nod his head, looking at the screen. It was then that she realized the link to sickbay had never been cut and the Doctor was working on Sarah, running a tricorder over her. Kathryn knew of Harry and Sarah's close relationship, it even bordered on the potential for romantic, but now was not the time to dwell on their ailing comrade. "Sorry Doctor," she mumbled, then told the computer to close the channel. Sickbay disappeared from the screen.

Kathryn stepped down to the command station, near her ready room. "Tuvok, your job is to modify the shields that will hold off this alien's natural defenses." She looked at the floor for a moment, considering staying on the bridge but thought back to the legal records surrounding Cosette Barrett's adoption waiting for her review on her computer. Snapping her eyes up she looked at Chakotay. "We begin at nineteen hundred hours, dismissed."

And with those final words she swiftly walked into the ready room, disappearing from their sight.

* * *

Tal Celes tried bouncing a cranky Ava on her lap, but to no avail. The baby just was not in the mood to be comforted and Tal had noticed that the medicine that the Doctor had given her to stop the pain had only made her attitude worse. When Captain Janeway had gotten the baby asleep at lunchtime, Tal, and Janeway secretly, had hoped that the child was down for the night. It was not going to be the case. Two hours later she had woken up screaming again and Michael had been the one to coax her out of the crib. Now, Michael was hungry for dinner.

Tal had taken the children, cranky Ava and all to the mess hall. She admitted that she was hungry too and since she had no replicator rations left for the week, Neelix's cooking was going to have to do. But she liked his cooking. She was probably one of the only ones onboard her did, since Bajoran's liked their food spicy.

The Talaxian was putting something down onto the table in front of them, explaining to them that it was on the spicy side and not to eat the little pink things. Tal picked up her fork, wiggling her arm around the baby, and tried to scoop some of the food up, but Ava seemed intent not to allow the young woman to eat. Tal vaguely wondered if the baby did this to her mother. Kes, thankfully was at her side, and asked if she could hold Ava for a little while. There was no denying that the young Ocampa had a fascination with babies because infancy and childhood were such short stages on her homeworld. Tal happily agreed to be free of her charge.

Ava stopped her whining for a few moments, her large blue eyes peering at the newcomer thoughtfully. Kes beamed. "I've never seen her so close before, not like this. The way she's looking at me, it's almost as if she's studying me like a book, soaking in all the information she can just from her eyes. It's wonderful to see."

_Unless she's screaming bloody murder in her crib, _Tal thought as she took a bite of her food.

Michael was picking around the pink things. "Neelix, what happens if we _do_ eat these little pink things?"

Neelix was about to answer when there was a beep and Chakotay's voice came over the comline. "_Yellow alert, all personnel to their duty stations._" Immediately people all around them began to get up, Tal herself got to her feet, reaching for the baby, who was running curious little fingers along the ridges of Kes' earlobes. Tal recalled the baby doing the same to her nose when they first had met.

"Now what?" she heard Neelix sputter. "Neelix to Chakotay!"

Tal looked at him then, eyes gaping. He had not just commed the Commander during a yellow alert, had he?

"_We're very busy up here Neelix, what do you need?_"

"This yellow alert business…I was just starting to serve dinner…"

"_Sorry, but we found the nebula is actually a lifeform and we've got to back in to repair some damage that we did to it, Chakotay out._"

And the connection was closed. Kes, holding tightly to Ava, and Tal standing next to Michael who was still cautiously gobbling up his dinner, saw Neelix turn red at the earlobes with anger. Kes finally handed the baby off to Tal and went to try to calm him down. "Go back in!" he gasped, "Hello?" but there was no answer. He tossed his apron and chef hat to the floor. "That's it I've had it! I'm going to the Captain about this!"

That propelled Michael into action, who dropped his fork with a loud clang against the tray and chased after the Talaxian, all the way until they reached the turbolift. He managed to squeeze inside before the lift's doors shut. "Neelix, there's something you need to know about Mama."

"I already know enough about your mother! She's determined to get this ship blown apart!"

Michael shook his head. "She wouldn't be going back in there unless Chakotay is telling the truth. If we hurt something Mama will do everything she can to help it. That's how we got Molly!"

"Molly, who's Molly?"

"Our dog, back home on Earth," Michael answered. "Mama found her on the side of the road, a little puppy, with a hurt leg. She was the runt of the litter and the others had rejected her. Mama made her all better and we kept her as our pet. Well, she really isn't a pet, she's more like family, but Mama loves animals and if we hurt this one, then she's going to make the boo boo all better."

Neelix looked at him, puzzled as the doors opened to the bridge. Chakotay glanced up apprehensively at Tuvok, who quirked an eyebrow as their self proclaimed guide and the Captain's son went to ring the door chime to the ready room.

_Where's Sarah when I need her? _Chakotay thought, thinking of how she would have been able to settle the Talaxian down. Ever since he had been attacked by the Viidians he seemed to take great comfort in what the young counselor had to say to him. After he had cut the comlink with Neelix he had expected him to storm up to the bridge to speak to Kathryn, and he wasn't surprised that Michael was chattering wildly away at his side to try and stop him.

The doors swished open and the two awaiting admittance entered.

Kathryn was seated her desk, going over PADDs, preparing for the mission. She didn't seem really bothered that Neelix had interrupted her, or that Michael had come along for the ride. In fact she didn't take her eyes off of the screen. After trying, unsuccessfully to get into the sealed adoption files of Cosette Barrett, Kathryn had turned her frustration onto other pressing matters; healing the lifeform.

"Captain I understand that this nebula we've discovered is some kind of monster?" Neelix rasped out, angrily.

"Not a monster, Neelix, but it is a lifeform," Kathryn replied, still not looking at him.

Neelix put his hands up. "Excuse me if I sound crazy, because someone may have been playing a joke on me, but you don't plan on taking us back into the belly of this beast, are you?"

"No joke."

"Why?"

It was then that Kathryn put her PADD down and looked up at him, a slight glare in her eyes. "Because we hurt it, and we have to help it recover." Her eyes flickered to her son standing mutely behind Neelix, and she picked up another PADD.

Neelix shook his head, exasperated. "I did not come on board this ship to be a veterinarian Captain!"

"And I thought you were a man of unlimited talents."

"Well, I've just reached my limit," Neelix snapped, balling his fists up. "So if you don't mind, Kes and I will wait on board my vessel until you return."

This time, Michael noticed, Neelix got the full brunt of the command glare. Kathryn turned about in her chair and looked right at him, leaning forward. Her eyes were raging, but her face held a countenance that Michael had seen on her thousands of times before. "All our crews are busy preparing for this mission and I'm not about to take them off their duties to prepare your ship for launch, and I'm not going to drop you off on the side of the road every time we hit a bump. When we're finished, if you want to leave, that's your business, but for the moment find yourself a seat with a good view, because like Jonah and the Whale, you're going in."

She went back to work, leaving Neelix sitting there staring at her stunned, and Michael covering his mouth to hide his giggles.

"Is that final?"

"Dismissed."

Neelix looked at Michael for an explanation. Kathryn was the one to give to him; she turned in her chair one last time, and said, "That's a Starfleet expression for get out."

He staggered out of the ready room, mumbling, puzzled, "Jonah?" Glancing up at Tuvok as if expecting the Vulcan to answer him, he sputtered, "Whale?" Before entering the turbolift, Michael, still giggling wildly behind him.

* * *

Sarah opened her eyes to see a place that she had not seen in years. It was the garden in her grandmother's back yard, in France. Blinking she found herself lying on the bench that she had loved sitting out on as child, watching for hummingbirds. She sat up and gazed around. _I have to be dreaming. My grandmother died when I was twelve, the house was sold, and we never went back. _Her head ached slightly and she rubbed her throbbing temples. She felt like she had been smacked about in a boxing ring.

_Why did you hurt me?_

She heard the voice more clearly here. Sprinting up she began to follow it, twisting her way along the path through the flowerbeds. Until she stopped a few feet away from the fountain that had graced the middle of the garden, it was a small granite one, an angel holding onto a vase. The water slipped from the vase, which was tipped downward in the angel's hands, and into a pool below. Sarah and her brother had thrown pennies, ancient American money, into that fountain as children, someone had told them that if they wished hard enough, their wishes would come true.

Sitting on the fountain was a child, no more than six years old, a small boy with golden hair and brown eyes. When his face turned she could see that it was her brother, when he was a child. "Luke?" she stammered. The child looked at her angrily.

"No."

"Who are you then?"

"Who _are _you?"

"Sarah…Sarah Barrett."

"Is the space vessel yours?"

Sarah blinked, was he talking about _Voyager? _"Well, yes…and no. I'm not in command of it, but I do work on it. Why do you ask?"

"Why are you here, in my space?"

"We were taken from our home."

"So you're trying to kill me to take mine?"

Sarah shook her head. "I don't know who you are. But we wouldn't kill to take someone's home from them, that's not our way."

The boy who resembled Luke looked at her with glaring brown eyes. "Then why did you hurt me?"

"If we hurt you, we never meant it," Sarah said, diplomatically. She felt her stomach lurch then, a sharp pain beginning in her belly and making it's way up through her spine. "You…you're the one…who hurt me…" she gasped, falling to her knees. Her eyes widened in horror, looking at this child, this being that so resembled a person that she loved. "Why?"

"Someone needs to feel what I feel so you stop!"

Sarah felt tears pressing the backs of her eyes as the pain grew. "But…but we never knew!" The pain only grew.

"You are causing me pain again!" the child cried, getting to his feet, face red with anger. "Why!"

She shook her head, she couldn't get the words out, it hurt so much. And then it hit her, she didn't know why, or how she knew, but the nebula they had entered, forced their way into earlier that day, had really been a space dwelling lifeform. "If…if we're entering you again, then…then we're trying to help you! Please let us…help you!" _Or Captain Janeway has yet to realize just what this nebula is. _"Let…them…help!"

"NO!"

A sharp pain tore through her, she screamed, feeling like her skin was on fire. She wanted to cry out for help, but who would hear? Who even knew what she was going through at the moment? This was all in her head, a telepathic vision; no one on _Voyager, _with the exception of maybe the Doctor would know what was going on. _The bridge…Captain Janeway…I have…to warn them. _

Struggling to her feet, Sarah gripped her sides. Why was she still in this garden? Why couldn't she severe the link when _she _wanted too? The child screamed again, and the garden went black. She felt like she was plunging, the voice still screaming in rage, _STOP HURTING ME! LEAVE ME NOW! _Sarah failed her arms about in the hopes of grasping onto something, an entirely instinctive act she realized, because this was all an illusion. And then she felt like she hit the ground, with a softer than she had expected thud. In the dark the child was still yelling, demanding that they leave immediately. If they weren't going to leave, he was going to force them too, meaning that the ship could very well be torn apart, they could all die.

The pain was gone she realized. Standing on her feet she peered around in the dark, looking for the representation of the creature. "We want to help, we wouldn't have come back to you if we weren't going to help; you nearly destroyed our ship before, we wouldn't risk it again if we weren't going to help you."

There was no answer this time.

"Hello?"

Sarah felt herself being pulled away from the vision, coming back to conscious reality. _No! Not yet! _As her eyes flew open, she sprang up on the biobed to the bewilderment of the holographic doctor and screamed out, "No! We want to help! Listen to me, come back!"

"Lieutenant?"

Sarah ignored his questioning look and jumped off the biobed, suddenly feeling wide awake, unlike before, when Tom had taken her to the holodeck. Without even a word to the physician she sprinted out of the room and to the nearest turbolift. She was not about to let this creature think they were heartless, she had to find another way to get the link back and tell him, once and for all that they were not out to hurt him.

* * *


	34. Chapter 34

_Disclaimers apply usual._

A/N: Here are the last chapters of _The Cloud. _I'll be posting the start of the next story soon!

* * *

"Captain!"

Janeway had barely regained her balance after their free fall through the creature when she heard the desperate cry. Turning about on her heel she saw Sarah standing in the entrance to the turbo lift. Her hair was freely cascading about her shoulders, some of it falling in her eyes at a side part. There was a determined, if fearful look in her sapphire eyes, and Janeway wasn't sure if she wanted to hear what the young woman had to say. She had not even been expecting the counselor to be awake during all of this. The Doctor had assured her that Sarah had been sedated. "Counselor?"

Sarah stepped onto the bridge. It was then that the crew noticed that her boots had been taken off, probably to allow more comfort while she slept in sickbay. The young lieutenant didn't seem to care or notice. "I know this may sound crazy, and to be honest I'm beginning to think that I am loosing my mind…but I…spoke to the…creature."

"Spoke?"

"Captain, it thinks we're trying to hurt it," she replied, stepping down the steps towards Janeway. "That's why it's fighting us."

Janeway crossed her arms over her chest. "We need to get back to the wound without provoking it. Suggestions?"

"It seems to be leaving us alone now that we've cut off all propulsion systems. Maybe that's what cues it to respond," Chakotay said. He got up out of his chair and joined Paris at conn. "If I'm right we maybe able to get back without engaging any engines."

"No engines?" Paris quipped, sounding a little hurt.

"We've been reading these swirling energy currents since we first got here," Chakotay pointed out on his panel. "When we thought it was a nebula we weren't looking for any patterns. We thought that they were just random eddies. But now I'm wondering if these currents might be some kind of circulatory system."

A small smile touched Janeway's lips. "Mister Kim, are you reading any traces of omicron particles in these currents?"

Kim looked down at his console, typing away. "Affirmative Captain."

Janeway moved down the steps towards Chakotay and Paris. "If the currents are disturbing omicron energy throughout the lifeform, the circulatory system might pass right by that wound."

Paris looked at the panel thoughtfully. "We could get in one of those currents and surf back."

"Use the reaction control thrusters in drift mode only Mister Paris," Janeway ordered, moving back towards her seat. She caught a glimpse of Sarah still standing in the middle of the command station. The young woman had been silent for a while, too long in Janeway's opinion. "Sarah, are you still in contact with the creature? Can you tell it that we're here to help?"

She shook her head. "No ma'am. It…he hasn't tried to talk to me again."

"Keep trying," she gently urged as the sound of the lift doors opened filled the bridge.

"Time for refreshment!" Neelix's voice boomed out, joyfully. "Ailis pâté, Felada onion crisps, stuffed Cardaway leaves." He began moving about the bridge, Kes behind him, each carrying a tray with the finger foods and offering them to the bridge crew. A few of them looked tentative at Janeway, but since she was trying to hide her smile, they reasoned that it was alright to take a bite.

"I appreciate the thought Neelix," Janeway finally said, "but this is hardly the time." She noticed a few of the crewmen who had taken a sample pale a little before swallowing the bit in their mouths and devouring the rest of the food before going back to work.

"As the morale officer on this ship, I insist that a break in the workload is both healthy and necessary," Neelix replied, offering the plate to Tuvok, who looked less than thrilled. "Go on Mister Vulcan, it might even help you loosen up." When Tuvok just looked at him with a stoic eyebrow raised, he turned to glance at Janeway. "Or not."

"May I ask when you became morale officer?"

"Yeah," Tom piped up, "I didn't know Lieutenant Barrett had stepped down from her position." He was happy to see that the comment garnered a little glare from both Janeway and Barrett. _Sarah must be feeling better. _

The counselor looked over her shoulder at Neelix. "I didn't step down," she assured Paris.

"Well of course she didn't!" Neelix bubbled. "I would never dream of taking away her important job! But even our astute counselor needs help!"

Janeway saw Barrett's shoulders stiffen a little. _Apparently her stress has not only been noticed by myself and Chakotay. _"Neelix," she spoke up, "I really do appreciate you wanting to help out around here, but really, Sarah is perfectly capable of handling the crew's morale on her own."

Barrett surprised her then, however. "Actually, Captain, I don't think a little extra help could hurt."

Neelix looked positively delighted. "Wonderful! I know my morale was low there for a while, we were in a free fall for some time, that's when I thought that it should be one of my jobs to help boaster the crew's spirits. Especially if Counselor Barrett is not available."

Kes must have noticed the puzzled looks on the senior staff's faces. A few hours ago he had burst onto the bridge, in an utter rage and stormed into the Captain's ready room, now he was handing out finger foods to the bridge crew, happy as could be. "Cooking always helps Neelix to unwind," she told them with a smile, while Harry picked up something to taste.

"Yes! And after we stabilized I certainly needed to unwind." He made his way down to the command station, and offered Janeway the plate. "So it seemed to me that I had a choice to come up here and say 'I told you so' or to try to so something constructive in my own humble manner. Try the stuffed Cardaway leaves, they're irresistible."

Janeway smirked at Paris and took one. She saw Neelix's face beam with pleasure while she took a bite and she had to admit that, even though it had been a breach of protocol, it had helped to lift spirits. Even Sarah looked to be amused.

"Now as your new morale officer, I thought it might be fun for us to sing a few songs together."

Janeway put her hand up. "Don't push it, Neelix."

"Captain?"

She turned her attention to Paris and the viewscreen and saw that they had reached the breach, undetected this time. She placed her unfinished Cardaway leave down onto the tray and gave him a warm smile. "Well done, Mister Paris," she complimented him. "Take us out of the current, staying in RCS drift mode."

"Aye Captain."

Janeway went to sit down in her chair, Sarah seated next to her on the bench, Neelix standing besides Sarah holding tightly to the tray, and Kes sitting next to Chakotay with her own tray in her lap. "Ms.Torres, prepare your nucleonic beam."

"_We're ready down here Captain._"

"Let's give the wound two doses to start. Five bursts at a two second interval." They watched on the view screen as the beam shot forth from _Voyager _and along the edges of the breach. There didn't seem to be too much of a change. Janeway looked briefly at Barrett, hoping that the young woman was in contact with the creature, but she simply shook her head. The lifeform had chosen not to communicate with them anymore, it seemed set that _Voyager _was out to hurt it. "Analysis."

"_Scanners are showing the regeneration rate up only .04 percent. I don't know what we can hope to accomplish if this is the best we can do," _Torres reported. "_The breach may simply be too large to seal._"

There was a beep on the comline. "_This is the Doctor speaking. Please activate your monitor to the emergency medical holographic channel. I believe I may have a suggestion that will help._"

Janeway nodded her had at Harry who patched the Doctor through. He immediately frowned at Sarah. "I'll officially reprimand you latter," he told her. "Since Lieutenant Barrett did not have the courtesy to turn me off when she left sickbay without my permission, I've had the opportunity to observe your progress— or lack of same. I believe a slight alteration of your treatment plan is necessary. As inspiration I've drawn on an ancient medical technique known as a suture."

"Suture?" the Captain repeated.

"Before the advent of laser technology, surgical fiber was used to stitch together a wound to allow it to heal naturally."

"_How does that help us?_" Torres said over the comlink.

"Your ship's energy systems are compatible with this lifeform's omicron particles, are they not?"

"_That's right._"

"Then it is very likely that this vessel could serve the lifeform's needs in much the same manner as a suture. By allowing the ship to serve as an energy conduit across the wound the lifeform should be able to regenerate itself more rapidly," the Doctor answered.

"And how are we supposed to get the ship into the wound without getting the hell beat out of us again?" Paris asked.

The Doctor shrugged. "That's your problem, not mine. Doctor out." He disappeared from the viewscreen and the wound could be seen again. Paris turned about in his chair, disgruntled.

"That's sort of like asking a hurt dog not to bite you while you tend to its wounds."

Janeway remembered Molly suddenly, and how the family had come to obtain her. "You like dogs Mister Paris?"

"Yes ma'am, I always had a dog."

"I like dogs too. When I had to clean out a cut on my dog's leg, I needed to create a little diversion first to take her mind off it," Janeway replied. "Mister Kim…prepare a class four microprobe."

"Aye Captain."

She got up from her chair and went to stand with Paris. "Lieutenant, if I gave you a short burst from our thrusters, would it be enough for you to maneuver into the breach in ten seconds?"

"I'd feel better if I had twenty."

"Once we launch that probe as a diversion, you might have ten, maybe even less than that."

Paris turned towards his controls. "Ten sounds good."

"Mister Kim status?"

"Microprobe is loaded and ready."

Janeway peered at Paris' panel. "Set coordinates for launch at 160 mark 70, cut power after 500 hundred meters. I don't want to hurt this lifeform again."

"Acknowledged."

"Engineering, I'll need a one second burst from our aft thrusters on my order."

"_Standing by._"

"Launch microprobe."

The probe fired out of _Voyager _and away from the breach. Immediately the lifeform began to react. Sarah felt a tingle at her senses, but the creature was not there to speak to her. And she didn't feel any pain, the link it appeared had been severed.

"Thrusters."

"_Firing!"_

Paris flew the ship into position in the middle of the breach. It was at that moment that her senses burst. The creature must have realized that the microprobe was a diversion. _What are you doing?_ A dull ache began to form on her side, where she had felt the first stabbing pain hours before. This was their first communication outside of her being unconscious and she wasn't entirely sure how to reach back. She just…did it. _Helping you, like I told you before. _

_Voyager _was shaking. All the voices on the bridge seemed to merge into one for her as the pain began to grow. She couldn't be sure who was talking.

"Reading mono-polar charges, high frequency."

"Shields at seventy-five percent and holding."

"Maintain position, Engineering, direct two nucleonic beams fore and aft—parallel to the central axis of the ship."

"_Acknowledged, beam engaged._"

As the beam engaged she felt the pain of a wound being patched up, only not with a dermal regenerator, more like it would have felt years ago before the instrument was invented. She tried closing her eyes to block the pain, but it was stronger than she had anticipated. _Stop! You're hurting me! _The beam pulled on the edges even more, closing the breach. She must have let out a little gasp of pain because Neelix had grabbed a hold of her arm and Janeway had turned about to look at her. _Voyager _shook more violently this time, the creature was trying to throw them from the breach.

Sarah remembered what he had said earlier, that he had wanted someone to feel as much pain as him so they would stop. Well, he was certainly succeeded in making her feel hurt and misery. A sharp pain crawled up her side, it was almost paralyzing it was so painful, and she cried out. Janeway had grabbed a hold of her now, her arm holding onto the other one firmly, yet comforting. "Just a little bit longer, hang on," the Captain encouraged her.

"_Captain, I'm showing a rapid growth pattern along the wound._"

"Regenerative matter approaching from both directions at just under five hundred kilometers per hour."

"Hold position," Janeway ordered as Sarah cried.

"Captain, the shields are only designed to withstand—"

"I'm aware of that Mister Tuvok!" Janeway snapped. "Hold position!"

"Regenerative matter approaching, range, thirty kilometers…fore and aft."

_Stop stop stop! _

_No! Can't you see it's helping you! I know it hurts, just hold on!_

"Engineering, ready full thrusters," Janeway ordered, tightening her grip on Sarah. "Mister Paris?"

"Just tell me when!"

"Regenerative matter at twenty kilometers…fifteen…ten…"

"Disengage nucleonic beam!"

Sarah immediately felt the pain stop. Exhaustion began to creep over her unlike before, when she had awoken in sickbay with a new sense of urgency to help her crew.

"Fire thrusters!"

"_Thrusters engaged!"_

"Now Mister Paris!"

_Voyager _moved away from the breach, towards the perimeter, still shaking. "Forty thousand kilometers to the perimeter," Paris reported. "Thirty thousand."

"The lifeform's regeneration rate is up forty percent, Captain," Chakotay announced. "Looks like it's well on the way to closing that wound."

The ship burst forth through the pink fibers and back into the normal space, the shaking stopped and for a moment, no one spoke. "We've cleared the central mass," Paris finally broke the silence, looking back at Janeway.

Her arm still firmly around Sarah, Janeway turned her attention to the young woman. She didn't look to be in anymore pain, but her face was worn and tired looking. For a moment the Captain searched her counselor's eyes. "Anything?" All Sarah could manage to do was shake her head no. Janeway pulled her into a warm hug, then looked at Chakotay informing him that he had the bridge. Janeway and Neelix helped Sarah to her feet. "Let's get you to sickbay."

* * *

_Captain's Log, supplemental. We set out to augment our energy reserves and wound up depleting them by over twenty percent. As a result, we've set a new course for a planet fourteen light years away that Neelix says might have compatible energy sources to offer us. It's out of our way, but circumstances offer few alternatives. As for Lieutenant Barrett, there has been no further communication from the creature, and she has been given permission by the Doctor to return to duty. I have yet to inform her of the Doctor's findings. So much for raising spirits._

* * *

Ava wiggled on her lap trying to get a look at what she was doing. It had been a long day and even though Kathryn was tired herself, she had too much work to do, too much on her mind, to even think about going to bed. Ava had woken up, surprisingly in a good mood, and hungry. Tal had informed Kathryn that the baby had not eaten much during the day at all. The Doctor's pain reliever seemed to be working.

Kathryn shifted her so she could see, and she responded with a happy little squeal. Methodically Kathryn picked up the spoon from her bowl of coffee ice cream and placed a small helping in to Ava's mouth. Ava sighed with content and her mother chuckled. _Wait until Commander Chakotay finds out you share my love of coffee. _"I don't suppose," she spoke to the baby as if she was speaking to one of her officers, "that you know how to crack into sealed court records do you?"

Ava reached for the spoon again. "Moah."

"Alright, I'll give you more." Kathryn obliged by putting another spoonful into the baby's mouth. _If only Gabriel was here, he would be able to get into those records. _And then a thought dawned on her, when she had been helping him clean out the office he had been given upon his promotion to Captain and to JAG, he had given her simple access codes to sift through his old case records to see what was worthwhile to keep. It was a long shot, but maybe those same codes would work on opening up Cosette Barrett's adoption file. "Computer, open up the Gaulle's adoption file, authorization, Dawson alpha kappa four."

The computer beeped. "_Authorization accepted._"

_Finally a stroke of luck, _Kathryn thought excitedly, pushing the bowl of ice cream further away from the demanding hands of her daughter, who let out a frustrated cry as if to ask her mother how she could do that to her. "In a minute," she told the baby, "Let me read this first."

It didn't take her long to find out what she was searching for. "Computer, locate Commander Chakotay?"

"Commander Chakotay is in his office."

_Good he can't sleep either. _Kathryn got up, the baby looking disappointedly at the bowl of ice cream left on the table to melt. "Let's go for a walk, shall we?" She grabbed the baby's favorite blanket, wrapped it about Ava's legs to keep her exposed feet warm, and exited the quarters. Michael had been asleep for hours, and she knew that she wasn't going to be gone that long. If he woke up and needed her she was only a com call away.

They made their way through the corridors to the first officer's office. When they got there Kathryn pressed the chime and waited to be admitted. On the other side she heard Chakotay's voice call out, softly, that they could enter. He seemed surprised to see her walk in, still in uniform, carrying Ava, clad in light blue pajamas. He got to his feet, a small grin on his face. "What do I owe the pleasure of a late night visit from the Janeway girls?"

With a smile she handed over a PADD. Chakotay looked at it and raised a eyebrow. "You managed to unseal the records?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"Captain's secret."

Chakotay chuckled. "I see." His face became serious then. "So, how do we tell her?"

Kathryn blinked. "We?"

He looked up at her. Warm brown eyes studying her face. "Yes we, we're her commanding officers."

"To be honest, Chakotay, I thought I would be doing it alone."

"This is going to be shocking news to her. She's going to need to all the support she can get, Captain."

"Chakotay, we're off duty, call me Kathryn."

A shocked, small grin formed on his face. "Give me sometime on that…alright, Captain?"

"Alright, but if you don't start calling me by name when we're off duty soon, I'll start ordering you to do it," she teased. "There's a difference between Captain Kathryn Janeway and Kathryn Janeway. Right now, I'm just Kathryn, no Starfleet rank, or protocol to worry about. Right now I'm not your commanding officer…" she paused and struggled with the right words to say, then clutching tightly to a babbling Ava, she whispered, "I'm just your friend…at least that's what I hope."

He gave her a reassuring smile. "I couldn't ask for a better friend…Kathryn."

Her name coming off his lips sounded so natural. And she realized that it had been a long time since anyone had called her by her name. It felt good to hear it again, as if it helped her remember who she really was. "Nor could I."

* * *

Tom Paris made his way down the corridor with B'Elanna Torres and Chakotay. Two days had passed since their encounter with the space dwelling creature and Tom realized that spirits were in desperate need of being raised, especially on the senior staff. So he had invited B'Elanna, Chakotay, Harry, and Sarah down to the holodeck to shoot some pool at Sandrine's. Sarah and Harry were getting off duty later than the rest and would be meeting them there. He hadn't told B'Elanna or Chakotay exactly what Sandrine's was, but both seemed eager to get away from their daily lives, and he noted that Chakotay looked eager to beat him at a game of pool.

The doors slid open to the holodeck and the trio stepped inside. Immediately the regulars began to greet Tom. He saw Chakotay grin with amusement and B'Elanna frown. "I should have known that these people would know you," she snapped. "Let me guess this was a favorite hang out when you were a teenager?"

"Actually, my Academy days," Tom replied, "Sandrine, these are my colleagues, Chakotay and B'Elanna Torres. How about giving them some of the best wine you've got behind that bar, okay?"

The woman behind the bar smiled. "Anything for you and your friends, Tommy."

"Sucking up for a promotion Paris?" Chakotay joked.

"Of course not Commander," Tom replied. "Just trying to be friendly that's all." He grabbed some cues from the rack and handed one each to B'Elanna and Chakotay. "Do the honors and rack them up Commander?"

"Sure," Chakotay said. "Hope you aren't afraid of losing Paris?"

Tom scoffed, "Me afraid of losing to you?"

"If the two of you could put your male egos aside for a moment," B'Elanna snapped, "Our drinks are ready."

Sandrine smiled at her. "I like this one Tommy, she has spunk."

B'Elanna took her wine glass from the blonde haired woman. "Thanks…I think." She took a sip of the bittersweet liquid and wished that this place had something stronger, like Klingon blood wine, but she wanted to make an attempt to be friends with Paris and the rest of the Starfleet crew, she didn't want to scare them away with her Klingon side. "So, when did you create this little program?"

"Actually, a few days ago, as a gift," Tom pointed out.

"A gift?" Chakotay asked, after taking his first shot, sending the balls scattering. "Solids," he called.

"Yeah, I thought Counselor Barrett could use a pick me up, you know something to prescribe as a morale boaster besides spending time with friends in the mess hall or giving them some drug," Tom replied, lining up his shot.

B'Elanna and Chakotay exchanged grins. Tom suddenly felt like he was about to be gained up on by the two former Maquis. His assumption was right. "It wasn't anything more than that…Tommy?" B'Elanna asked, teasingly. "Everyone on this ship knows about your crush on her."

"Small ship, Tom," Chakotay inputted. "You should know better."

Tom frowned. "Listen, there is nothing going on between us. And I don't have a crush on her!"

"Uh-huh," B'Elanna said as the doors to the bar opened and the subject of their conversation walked in. Little bemused smiles passed between the chief engineer and first officer as Sarah strode over to join the group.

"I didn't think Tuvok was ever going to let me go," Sarah grumbled. Sandrine offered her a glass of wine. "Thanks, Sandrine, I need this."

"You're just in time," Tom announced. "I'm about to beat the Commander."

"That's what you think Paris."

Sarah leaned in closer so only B'Elanna could hear her. "I see the testosterone levels are high tonight."

"When is it not?" The two women shared a little chuckle that garnered glares from the two men. "How are you feeling?" B'Elanna asked, suddenly, almost forcefully.

Sarah was shocked that the woman was showing concern for her, they had not exactly been friends since they had started out on this journey, stepping on each other's toes on a few occasions, and the rumors that Sarah had been romantically involved with Harry Kim had not helped matters any. Perhaps, after recent events, they were turning a new corner. There really was only one way to find out, and that was to plow forward, and see what lay ahead. "Better, thanks, B'Elanna for asking."

B'Elanna shrugged her shoulders. "No problem. I know I wouldn't have wanted to be in your position."

"I'm just glad that it was the creature that was telepathic and not me," Sarah said. "Imagine having to deal with that on a daily basis."

Neither woman could be entirely sure, but they thought they saw Chakotay visibly stiffen at her remark. Perhaps it was because Tom had just taken the lead in their game, but not by much. The stiffness was soon gone and he sank another shot, taking the lead away from Tom again. Tom began to look flustered, thus missing he next few shots.

"I thought you were good at this time game, Tommy?" Sarah asked, with a hint of teasing in her voice.

Tom's face turned pink. "I have him right where I want him."

Chakotay grinned, B'Elanna laughed, and Sarah exclaimed, "Sure you do."

The doors to the bar opened again, and the officers all turned, casually towards the door, expecting Harry to walk through. He did, but behind him was Captain Janeway. Instinctively every officer in that room jumped to attention. Her arms were behind her back and Chakotay thought she looked the most at peace since he had helped her find her animal guide. Maybe the letting of her hair down a little in his office a few nights before was helping that, but the crew didn't know about their new found friendship, and neither one of them were ready to test the waters just yet for their reaction. Tonight, she would have to be 'Captain' to him and not 'Kathryn' and he found that he was disappointed it was that way.

Kathryn smiled, held her hand up, "As you were," she said. Two crewmembers by the door gave Sarah, of all people, a questioning glance. Handing Sandrine her glass, she stepped forward while Harry went to close the doors behind the Captain.

"Can I get you anything…ma'am?" _Here's that social situation that I have no idea how to engage her in. _"A drink…a chair?" She heard Tom suppress a laugh behind her and she resisted the urge to glare at him.

Kathryn shook her head. "I'm fine, thank you, Sarah." She looked around the room with a smile. "Well, this is remarkable. Mister Kim tells me this your doing, Mister Paris."

Tom looked dumbfounded. "Ah…yeah…it's just a little…diversion."

There was suddenly a hologram that Sarah did not recognize from before standing between the Captain and herself. He was looking at both of them rather…seductively. "One always knows when a woman of good upbringing enters the room. Tom, why didn't you tell me you work with such beautiful women? No wonder you like roaming the galaxy, with such exquisite creatures to seduce."

"Ah…"

"Tom who is this? He wasn't here the other night."

The man turned towards her then. "You have been here before, _ma chèrie_?" He grabbed her hand, caressing it underneath smooth fingers. "Surely I would have remembered such a beautiful woman as yourself gracing this establishment."

_Tom, I'm going to kill you. _

"Tommy brought her a few days ago," Sandrine intervened from behind the bar. "It was late you were probably off with one of your…women."

"Tom brought you?" the man asked.

"Yes."

That seemed to take him away from her, and turn towards Kathryn. Apparently, if Tom brought a girl into the bar, she was off limits, in a sense. Kathryn seemed more amused by the whole situation than Sarah did. Maybe because Sarah's nerves were already frayed by her presence there. The man had taken Kathryn's hand in his own, and kissed it. "May I request your favorite song, so that we may dance, before I take you to my private felucca on the wharf and make passionate love you?"

Sarah thought Harry was going to topple over, passed out. Tom, ears pink with embarrassment, moved like lightening to push him away from their commanding officer. Chakotay was leaning against his cue, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter, and B'Elanna was standing there not sure what to make of the whole situation.

"Uh…I'm sorry. If I had had some kind of warning…that you were coming…"

"You would have changed it," Kathryn finished for him, "and I would have missed all the fun."

The man was eying her again, and Sarah moved away, far away, to stand next to B'Elanna. Gaunt Garry, a historic pool player, who Tom had pointed out to her the first time they had been here, moved in behind both women. "I just don't see what the dolls see in a gigolo, do you? Now me, I've got a whole different approach to women. Treat a lady like a tramp and a tramp like a lady, never fails."

B'Elanna and Sarah exchanged glances before the latter looked up at Tom. "Paris? Did you program this guy?"

"Yeah, why?"

"He's a pig and so are you."

Tom looked disgruntled while Sarah laughed and B'Elanna smirked at him. _If those two become friends, I'm in trouble. _

"Is this pool or billiards?" Kathryn was asking, stepping up to the table.

"Uh, pool."

"Right," Kathryn stated. "Pool is the one with the pockets. Mind if I give it a try?"

The "gigolo" clapped. "_Reculez-vous_! Give the handsome young woman some room!" He pushed Paris out of the way and leaned in next to Chakotay, who's laughing had suddenly died down. "Tell me, does she have, uh, money?"

Chakotay resisted the urge to punch the guy then.

"Commander Chakotay," Kathryn's voice stopped him, "your stick?"

"It's called a cue, Captain," he said, handing it to her.

"Cue," she repeated. "All right. So what do we do? Do I go first?"

Harry had come to join B'Elanna and Sarah. "She's played before." Sarah stated.

"How did you come up with that? She's asking all these questions," Harry said.

Sarah grinned. "You'll see."

Gaunt Gary had racked the balls up for her and Tom gestured for her to go. She lined up her shot and pocketed several solids on the break alone. Tom and the other men all looked baffled. Sarah quirked a slender eyebrow at Harry as if to say _I told you so. _"Solids," Kathryn called, a mischief glint in her eye that was close to the look that her children got when getting into something they weren't supposed to be getting into.

"How…how did you know?" Harry stuttered next to Sarah.

"You could see it coming a mile away," Sarah said, B'Elanna grinning in agreement besides her.

Harry felt unnerved that the two of them seemed to be getting along, and he found that odd, because before the near kiss in the transporter room a week ago, he had wanted Sarah and B'Elanna to be friends.

"Eight ball in the side pocket."

The trio looked up to see that Kathryn wasn't even looking at her shot, but rather smiling at a bewildered looking Tom. She hit the pool ball and it clanged with the black eight ball before the eight ball went smoothly gliding into the side pocket just like she had predicted. There was a spattering of applause and laughs around the table as the crew began to realize that their commanding officer had perhaps hustled Tom Paris.

Tom was standing there blinking at the table. Kathryn handed her cue off to Chakotay again, who leaned it against the table, grinning at Tom from ear to ear. She said nothing as she walked away, Chakotay following behind her to join her at a table in the far corner of the room.

"Harry," B'Elanna said. He looked up at her, hopefully. "Thanks for bringing her down here, the look on Paris' face alone was priceless."

Harry chuckled as he went to get his own cue. "Alright, Tom, how about a game of doubles. You and me against the girls here?" He gestured to Sarah and B'Elanna.

Tom seemed to get a bit of his swagger back when his friend suggested that. "Sounds good to me, rack them up Harry."

Across the room Kathryn had taken a seat, with Chakotay and was sipping a glass of wine. She watched with warm eyes as Tom, Harry, Sarah, and B'Elanna joked with each other. "It's good to see them getting along like this," she said after several seconds of silence.

Chakotay peered over his shoulder at the group. Sarah and B'Elanna were laughing hysterically, while Tom and Harry looked baffled. Had the girls just beaten them? "It seems that we're not the only Starfleet and Maquis to become friends here."

Her eyes were studying Sarah. "We need to tell her," she whispered, nursing the wine glass. "The last few days whenever I go to do it, I see her on the bridge, hair in her face, shoes off, looking absolutely terrified, and the words just will not form on my lips. She's been handed so many blows already in life."

"You seem determined to lead her down her path for her, why?"

"I was at her hearing…I saw a broken, tormented young woman," Kathryn replied, her eyes meeting his. "Do you know there were no family members in attendance at that hearing? I guess…I felt like someone had to step up and be a surrogate to her."

"So you requested her to be your counselor?"

Kathryn shrugged her shoulders. "I saw potential there for a great officer, if no one else did. She…just needed a guiding hand."

"There's a difference between that hearing and now, Kathryn."

"Is there?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "She isn't trying to walk the path alone…she has this crew, and her friends, even if she hasn't realized it yet. We need to tell her, and we need to tell her soon, Captain. The further we hold out, the more difficult it is going to be for her."

Kathryn finished her wine, watching as B'Elanna sunk another shot that must have won the game for the girls, because they were laughing and cheering, while Harry lowered his head, and Tom just shook his. "You right, Chakotay. When we're done negotiations with the Fendori, I'll call a meeting with her." Pushing her wine glass away from her, she smiled at him, softly. "I assume you're going to want to be there."

He nodded his head. "Like I said two days ago, she's going to need all the support she can get. And, like you, I feel this…pull towards helping her get back on the path, you're right she does have the potential to be a great officer, I've seen flashes of it, so have you. If I can help bring that officer about, then it will be for the betterment of this ship, its crew, and most importantly for the betterment of her."

"Which is why I'm leaving _Voyager _in her command while we're on the surface of Fedora to negotiate."

"You're not taking her on a first contact mission?"

Kathryn shook her head. "The Doctor has requested, privately, that she be kept on board so he can monitor her. He's concerned where she has never fully used her abilities before what it could do to her. She hasn't learned how to use them properly and after the last episode…I can see he has legit concerns. Besides," she added with a smirk, "she has always said that she is more of researcher than a diplomat. I think you, and I, and Tuvok, will be able to handle the job, don't you? And if I have any questions I can always contact Sarah."

A smile curled Chakotay's lips. "Captain's choice, not mine."

"Enough with ship's business for the night," Kathryn said, holding her hand up. "I don't think Harry invited me to come here to talk ship's business."

"No, but I'm glad he did invite you."

"Me too."

Laughter erupted around the pool table and this time the command team looked up to see that all four officers standing around it where laughing. They still had a long way to go, Kathryn thought, to becoming more than just Starfleet and Maquis, to becoming one crew, and perhaps more than a crew, but seeing her senior staff enjoying themselves liked this, stirred hope within her that it was going to be possible for them to merge into one. Later that night, after a couple of glasses more of wine, and idle chatter with her first officer, Kathryn returned to her quarters to find that Tal had put the children to bed with little fuss from Ava, she made an addition to her last log entry.

_A-koo-chee-moya, we are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers, and the bones of our people, but perhaps there is one powerful being who will embrace this good crew and give them the answer they seek._

* * *


	35. Chapter 35: Pandora's Box

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: The Red Sox are killing me right now so I had to step away from the TV. Thought I would post another couple of chapters. This is my own original _episode. _It's one of my favorites if you ask me personally, look from some additions to it later on :).

* * *

_**PANDORA'S BOX**_

Seven days, sixteen hours, and forty-three minutes, that was precisely how long she had been in command of _Voyager. _Lieutenant Sarah Barrett leaned back into the command chair, a status report in one hand, a cup of coffee in the other. When Captain Janeway had told her she was going to be in charge while her, Chakotay, and Tuvok were off on a diplomatic mission, needless to say, Sarah had been shocked. Not because Janeway was putting so much trust in her to be in charge of her ship while the officers were away, but because Sarah was not apart of an away team that was going to be handling first contact with the Fedori.

When she had brought this up at one of their last meetings before the trio took off in a shuttle craft for the Fedori home world, Janeway had assured her that she was perfectly capable of handling a first contact without her counselor. Meanwhile _Voyager's _mission was to scout the nearby system. They had studied two nebulas, none living creatures, and an asteroid belt rich with minerals that the ship could refine into fuel. All in all it had been a successful mission without their leader at the helm. Sarah had not been expecting to study the belt, seeing how their time had been limited, but Janeway had contacted them, and told them that they were heading to another planet, five light years from Fedori space on another first contact mission. She had sent the ship coordinates and a rendezvous time.

This had alloted the time to study the belt and find the necessary minerals to refine into fuel. Things seemed to be going well for _Voyager_ at the moment and it was reflecting in the crew's spirits.

There was a sense of peace throughout the ship. It was something that Sarah had not felt in a long time it seemed. The holoprogram that Tom had created of _Chez Sandrine _had become a popular place to hangout, and was proving to be the morale boaster that Tom had hoped when he created it. For the past week or so she had spent her nights down there shooting pool with Harry, B'Elanna, and Tom. It had indeed proven to be a nice diversion from the reality of their daily lives.

_Voyager _was now on her way to meet up with Janeway, Chakotay, and Tuvok's shuttle, which had departed from New Gerroa, a colony of about one hundred thousand beings just on the outskirts of Fedori space, three days prior. They had not had anymore contact with Janeway or anyone else on the away mission, but they weren't expecting too.

"We're reaching the rendezvous coordinates," Tom Paris informed her.

Sarah tossed the status report onto the empty chair to her left, finished her coffee in one swallow and concealed the mug underneath Janeway's chair. "Take us out of warp Lieutenant Paris and prepare for shuttle docking."

"Yes ma'am." Tom's fingers moved over the helm and then he abruptly stopped, and looked up at her, over his shoulder. "The shuttle isn't there ma'am."

Bile formed in her throat. _Don't panic, maybe they're late. _"Harry, can you pick up the shuttle on long range sensors?"

After several seconds of silence, Harry Kim finally answered her. "I'm picking up nothing but stars and a few planetoids. There isn't even an alien ship out there, Lieutenant."

Confusion began to settle in. Janeway would have contacted her if their plans had changed again and that they would not be meeting _Voyager _as previously scheduled. "Harry, we didn't pick up any transmissions from Captain Janeway since her last one, did we? Is there a chance that we missed it while studying the asteroid belt?"

"I don't think so," Harry replied. "There was nothing abnormal about those asteroids that would have interfered with our communications."

Sarah got up from the command chair and climbed the steps to stand besides Harry. "Do we have the last star chart that Captain Janeway sent us?"

"Yes ma'am."

"How far away is New Gerroa?"

"Approximately five light years from here, ma'am," Harry answered.

"Transfer the coordinates to conn, Tom set a course, warp six," Sarah ordered.

Before Tom could even utter an acknowledgement the sensors began to blare and three massive warships dropped out of warp, surrounding _Voyager. _"Where they hell did they come from?" Tom snapped, fingers furiously running over the controls. "They were not on my screen thirty seconds ago."

"They're using a multiphase shield," Harry replied, with a frown. "That's why we didn't see them; our sensors couldn't pick them up." He glanced tentatively at Sarah. "Should I open a channel ma'am?"

Sarah blinked, looking at the screen of three massive warships, surrounding them. They were sleek in design, probably so they were more maneuverable. She could only imagine what types of weapons those ships had, since their shields were beyond anything that the Federation possessed. _Voyager _was without a doubt no match for these ships. _Tread carefully, my girl, _her father would have said. She nodded her head slowly at Harry. He opened the channel and she struggled to find her voice. "This is Lieutenant Barrett of the Federation Starship _Voyager, _can we be of assistance?"

A man's face suddenly graced the screen. He had grey skin, spotted faintly with different shades of purple and navy blue hair that was pulled back into a tight tail. "I believe I should be asking your that question Lieutenant Barrett," he said, a sly grin on his face. When she didn't answer, because of her confusion, he cursed. "Forgive me; I'm Dellon Casius, Supreme Commander of the Gerroan Fleet. I was sent here by First Councilmen Unay to greet you."

"First Councilmen Unay?" Sarah repeated. "I'm afraid I don't know who that is."

Casius raised an eyebrow. "You did not receive his transmission a few days ago?"

Sarah gripped the edge of the console at operations. "What transmission?" Why did she not like where this conversation was going? Every sense in her body was tingling with bad feelings at that moment. Whatever this man had to tell her, she had a sinking feeling that it was not going to be good. "I'm afraid that we have had contact from no one in the past four days. We've been studying an asteroid belt about ten light years from here."

"That would explain it, then," Casius replied. "That asteroid belt is full of a mineral called plothetalin. It disrupts communications systems that run on systems such as your own."

"How…how do you know what kind of systems my ship is running on?" Sarah asked, realizing that she was not sounding very confident at the moment. But, then again, she wasn't feeling it. This little group of ships had very well scanned them without anyone on the bridge realizing it and had gotten all the schematics needed to rip the ship apart.

"If you had received that message, then you would have known that First Councilmen Unay has been in diplomatic sessions with your Captain Janeway," Casius answered. "She was very forthcoming on _Voyager _and her technology. She was interested to see if any of ours could be adapted to help make your journey back to the Alpha Quadrant a little bit easier. I must say, I admire your courage for traveling so far. It seems like a hopeless folly to many."

Sarah frowned. _You have no idea. _"Then you must realize that we were supposed to meet Captain Janeway here, today."

"That's why we were sent out to meet you," Casius said, his brow furrowing. "I'm afraid that your colleagues have been taken hostage by the Kreyole and my troops have not been able to determine where they are being held. I've been ordered to escort _Voyager _back to New Gerroa."

If it was at all possible, Sarah was sure that the room spun in front of her. Janeway, Chakotay, and Tuvok, all taken hostage? She had been trained to deal with hostage situations before, but never had she imagined this first contact mission turning into one, nor did she ever imagine that the three highest ranking officers on _Voyager _would be the ones to be taken captive all at once. This had to be some kind of cruel joke, maybe another one of Chakotay's _confidences boasters. _But even as she opened her mouth to respond, she knew that this was no laughing matter. "Taken hostage by the Kreyole?"

"Oh, forgive me again, Lieutenant, I forget you are not from our space," Casius replied. "The Kreyole are a group of my people that have broken away from our traditions and beliefs and strike out at our government by kidnapping, killing, bombing, you name it. They are nothing more than terrorists. I am truly sorry that your colleagues have been dragged into all of this."

Her knuckles were white against the console; she was gripping onto it so hard. "Is there a way I can speak to First Councilmen Unay?"

"There will be once we are back at New Gerroa, which at maximum speeds is a two day journey," Casius answered. "That is, Lieutenant, if you will be joining us?"

For the first time since this retched conversation had began Sarah set her jaw. "We'll be joining you. Tom, match their course and speed," she ordered the pilot.

Casius smiled again, and it made her feel slimy. "See you at New Gerroa, Lieutenant." He was gone from the screen and they were watching the three warships lead them towards the planet, on their new course.

Sarah shivered hoping to wash away the feeling of grim, and looked sharply at Harry. "Gather the senior officers…or what's left of us. We have approximately forty-eight hours to come up with a plan. I don't know about you but Supreme Commander Casius has me a bit unsettled. I don't trust him, and I want to make sure that we're ready for that breach of trust." She spun about on her heel and disappeared into the briefing room, not even realizing that Tom was close on her heels while Harry made the call to the other senior officers.

Leaning against the bulkhead, she closed her eyes and let out a frustrated sigh.

"Sarah," Tom's voice brought her out of her reverie. "We'll get them back. You've been trained to deal with situations like these, and you're also an expert on terrorists. With the Gerroan's help, we'll find Captain Janeway and the others."

She shook her head. "Tom, I'm an expert on Alpha Quadrant, terrorists, not the Delta Quadrant. And for all we know, Captain Janeway and the others are dead and this is some wild goose chase. We don't know the whole story of what's going on over there, and I get the impression that Casius didn't want to tell us the whole story either."

"Well," Tom said, an impish grin forming on his face as the doors slid open admitting B'Elanna Torres, Harry, Neelix, and Kes, "whatever you decide to do, _Captain _Barrett, I'm sure the rest of us will follow."

His efforts at humor were met with a stiff glare from Sarah.

"What's going on?" B'Elanna asked, taking a seat. "Harry said it was urgent."

Sarah's eyes moved around the table, falling on each of them, with the exception of Tom. "Captain Janeway's away team has apparently been taken hostage by a group of Kreyole terrorists on New Gerroa. So far, the Gerroan forces haven't found anything, or if they have, they aren't telling us. Which is why I want us to have a plan of our own. I don't know about the rest of us but I don't like having my back against the wall. Neelix, what do you know about these Kreyole?"

Neelix frowned. "Not much, I'm afraid. All I know is that both the Gerroan and Kreyole come from a region of space light years from here, perhaps not as many as you and this ship, but still, they're pretty far from their home territory."

"Why would they come out this far?" Tom asked.

"There's speculation as to why, but no one has ever been able to get to the truth," Neelix answered.

"What do you know about their technology?" Sarah asked.

"Ah, well, the Gerroan are highly advanced. They have multiphasic shielding and I have heard rumors of torpedoes that can adapt to your shield frequency and rip right through them."

"Multiadaptive torpedoes?" Harry repeated, he shifted about in his chair to fully face Sarah. "Those have been theorized in the Federation, but no one has ever made a prototype. If this is true, then Neelix is right, there isn't much our shields are going to do to hold them. They adapt according to the shield frequency of their target."

"Wonderful," Sarah muttered. She glanced at the back of her hands, which were resting on the table. "Harry, I want you and B'Elanna to begin working on our shields and weapons, modify them in anyway that you can so we have some type of defense against the Gerroan in case my hunch is right and they aren't who they claim to be. Neelix, I'm going to need you to stand in as my first contact advisor. Kes help Tal out with the children, try to keep them calm. I'm sure Ava will have no idea what's going on, but Michael is going to be aware that his mother is not back when she told him she would be, any questions?" When no one protested she dismissed them.

Tom lingered behind for a few seconds. "If it's any consolation, I'm just as terrified at the prospect of becoming first officer of this ship as you are of becoming captain."

To his surprise she chuckled, eyes gazing up to meet his. "Wouldn't that be interesting, huh, flying _Voyager _into dry-dock over Earth with a former drug addict as her captain and an ex-felon as her first officer. I can almost hear the media and their cries of scandal." She groaned then and straightened her form, turning about to look out the view port. "How the hell did this happen Tom?"

"Well, isn't that what we're trying to find out?"

She shook her head. "No, this, how the hell did I let Captain Janeway just go, leaving me in charge for a week? Do you know I barely put up a fight with her over it? I think she was expecting me to be more vocal, she looked a little shocked when I humbly agreed to it."

Tom came to stand besides her; she could see his form reflecting in the glass. "Listen, you had no idea that this was going to happen. There's no sense in getting upset over decisions that were made a week ago, alright?" She felt his hand reach out and squeeze her shoulder gently. "Right, now, let's focus on getting the Captain, Chakotay and Tuvok back in one piece, okay?"

Closing her eyes to stop uncertain tears from falling, she nodded her head; after all, what other path did she have at this moment?

* * *

_Ship counselor's log, supplemental. Forty eight hours have come and gone. B'Elanna and Harry tell me that they are nowhere near modifying our shields or weapons to match the Gerroan. In the meantime, myself, Lieutenant Paris, and Neelix are prepared to beam down to New Gerroa to meet with First Councilmen Unay. I can only hope he has more answers for me than Supreme Commander Casius._

* * *

When _Voyager _pulled out of warp they were expecting to enter a standard orbit and be given instructions by Supreme Commander Casius. However, the ship was ensnared in a tractor beam, which disrupted their engines so they were not able to pull away. _I guess we can add crippling tractor beams to the list of defenses that the Gerroan have that we don't, _Sarah Barrett thought with dismay as she ordered Ensign Lang standing at operations to open a channel.

"Supreme Commander Casius, I'm wondering why you feel this tractor beam is necessary," she snapped, the nerves of the last two days apparent in her voice. "My pilot is perfectly capable of flying our ship into orbit."

Casius' face filled the screen. "You're bold, Miss Barrett. Most Gerroan women wouldn't even think to utter such sentiments to a superior."

_I don't have the time to play these mind games. _"You didn't answer my question. Why the need for the tractor beam?"

"It is standard procedure for all vessels entering New Gerroa space."

"Why wasn't I informed of this prior?"

"I did not deem it necessary for you to know," Casius replied. "I apologize for any infringements."

Sarah opened her mouth to retort, but thought better of it. The situation was tense enough as it was without her going off on some tangent. After several seconds of awkward silence, she finally asked, "When do I get to speak to First Councilmen Unay?"

"As soon as _Voyager _has docked."

"Docked?"

"Yes, standard procedure, Miss Barrett, for visiting vessels to be in space dock."

_What so you can keep a close eye on us? _Sarah briefly glanced at Tom who sent her a warning look from conn. There was something strange about this whole ordeal, since the beginning she had felt like she was being led down a path of deceit, away from the truth and what was really going on. However, to prove this was going to be difficult, and take time, meaning that they just had to put up with the Gerroan and their…different ways of handling people. "Will I at least be able to transport to the surface to meet him?"

"Your transporter will not function here, again, standard procedure, our defense parameter dampens alien transporter technology, although there are few beings in this part of the Delta Quadrant that possess such technology," Casius replied. "We will use our transporter to transport you to the meeting with First Councilmen Unay."

"When I can expect a transport?"

The words were barely out of her mouth when a purple beam had swept her up and off the bridge much to the dismay of Tom and the rest of the bridge crew and she was deposited in a dark corridor, made out of granite and marble. Sunlight was filtering through thin slits for windows and she felt a cold sensation passing over her. What was even more unnerving was that no one was there to greet her. She suddenly realized that she was standing, alone, in the middle of an alien compound, with no means to defend herself. And _Voyager _would not be able to use their transporter to get her out of there if trouble arises. Hell, she didn't even know if her communicator would work with all the defenses in place around the colony.

She heard the grinding of doors opening down at the far end of the hallway. A lanky Gerroan man was stepping out of them, in flowing silver robes, flanked by three guards of massive build, in black plated armor, holding onto rifles that made the compression phasers stored on_ Voyager _seem small. Sarah swallowed. _Remain calm, the best thing to do in a situation like this is to remain calm. _It was easier said then done and slipping into the shadows to hide was also turning out to be an appealing option at the moment.

The group began making their way towards her, down the steps, their shoes echoing off of the walls. The solider flanking the immediate right who she assumed was the First Councilmen, she recognized as none other than Dellon Casius.

Casius stopped the group before they reached her and stepped forward. "Miss Barrett, before you can proceeded into the Hall, you must under go a few security measures first."

_Of course. _"What kind of measures?"

He held his hand out. "First, we need your communicator. Devices such as these are only allowed in the Hall with people who have authorization. I'm afraid, as a guest, you do not have that clearance. Since you have no weapon on you, there is no need to go through normal weapon's checks. Last, you will have to answer a few of our questions first."

Sarah's fingers brushed the combadge over her left breast. If she gave that up, there was definitely no way _Voyager _could find her. The thought terrified her. Plucking it off, she handed it over to Casius. "What kind of questions?"

"Very simple ones, you have nothing to be worried about," Casius replied.

"Hmmm, I beg to differ, Supreme Commander," the man in silver robes finally spoke. "Her bioscan has come up with some interesting readings that were not present in her human colleagues."

Her heart began to thunder in her chest. She found herself praying that Tom would find a way to break _Voyager _free from the tractor beam, transport her to the ship, and fly away from this chilling place. "You…you have a bioscan on me?"

"Certainly," the man in robes replied. "We obtain all biological information from our visitors through the transporters, much the same way you can do with yours I assume."

"Oh…right…right," She stuttered. "You said that my readings were…interesting… compared to my colleagues, how so?"

"You, Lieutenant Barrett have an entire DNA sequence not present in your human friends," the man answered her, black eyes studying her features. "Interesting how you seem to possess an alien half of you but look just like your human counterparts."

Sarah's heart was threatening to race right out of her chest. "You…you must have the wrong readings. I'm human…just like Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay."

"Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay did not have these readings, and they certainly did not have the ability to be telepathic or empathic," the other snapped, getting quite tired of her arguing.

The guard behind him sneered at the mentioning of that. "Supreme Commander, you didn't tell us we would be…escorting this…_nulpias."_

"What?"

Casius held a hand up to silence the protest of his guards. "We cannot fault the young woman. She is after all not from this region of space. Besides, it seems that we have a common front with the lieutenant."

"Common front?" She felt like she was asking more questions then getting answers.

His grin cut to her very core. "Yes, Lieutenant. I didn't speak of it over the comline, there could have been Kreyole hacking into our systems. Here it is much safer to talk of such things. Along with your colleagues, our High Prophet was taken prisoner as well. It appears that the Kreyole terrorists have not only violated your sense of trust, but ours as well.

Sarah got the impression that these people did not trust anyone, which led her to question why Captain Janeway had been working with them so openly about _Voyager's _schematics. "Apparently there were things that you failed to keep from me over that communication two days ago, is there anything else I should know about before going to meet with the First Councilmen?" Her voice sounded surprisingly strong for someone who was positively quaking on the inside. _Is this how being captain feels like? Keep your composure on the outside while inside you're falling apart? _If that was the case, she didn't envy Captain Janeway at all.

The man in the robes looked up hesitantly at Casius. "Supreme Commander, I advise against allowing this…woman…into see the First Councilmen until we fully understand her abilities."

Casius turned to glare at the man. "Are you suggesting, Montur, that my men and I cannot handle one, unarmed woman?"

Montur turned pale. "No…no sir."

"Good. Now, may we proceed to speak to the First Councilmen?"

"Yes, yes sir." Montur fiddled with a few controls and the doors opened again. Beyond them Sarah could see another elaborate hallway, leading to only god knew where. He led the way, clutching tightly to his data pad. Casius gestured for her to follow behind him. Sarah did so, feeling the guards and their leader falling into step behind her.

As the doors shut with a loud clang Sarah got the impression that it was going to be a while before she ever saw the other side again.

* * *


	36. Chapter 36

* * *

"Listen Harry, I don't care if it's impossible," Tom Paris snapped at his friend. "I want you to find a way to lift that dampening field so we can beam Sarah back to _Voyager. _It's been three hours since we've had any contact with her and I'm starting to get antsy."

Harry scowled at his friend. "Tom, I know you're worried about her, we all are. But I'm telling you, the Gerroan have technology that surpasses ours by decades. There's no way our transporter beam is going to cut through their defenses without being detected. Not too mention we're sitting in one of their space docks right now, with about a dozen warships keeping an eye on us. Let's face it, if we attempt to bring her back before they decide it's time for her to come back, we'll be facing destruction. I'm not sure Captain Janeway would want us to do that."

Tom looked down at the engineering console, noticing B'Elanna Torres watching the scene with mild interest. The past three hours had been filled with trying to communicate with the Gerroan government to find out where Sarah had been taken too and if he could speak to her. He was met with stiffness and even after he had lashed out, saying that they were not used to being abducted from their own ship, he had been flatly told that it was standard procedure for the commanding officer of a visiting vessel to be transported to the surface by themselves.

That had been the last communication. None of their hails had been answered since. Tom was beginning to worry. Janeway, Chakotay, and Tuvok had all been taken hostage on this planet, who's to say that Sarah wasn't next. "Well can you at least come up with a defense against their transporter beam beaming us all off of here without permission?"

"That," B'Elanna finally spoke, "could be possible."

"Finally some good news."

"I just need to figure out the frequency of the transporter beam they're using, and modify our shields to it," she replied. "Which shouldn't be too hard, once the Gerroan decide to beam Lieutenant Barrett back over, I have the sensors hooked up to detect any transports on and off the ship. Once that happens I can run a few scans."

Tom nodded his head. "Keep me updated." Turning about on his heel he left Engineering and proceeded to the turbo lift. If nerves had not been on edge before Sarah had been whisked away by the Gerroan, they certainly where now, although everyone was doing everything in their power to not let it show. However, now that they sat in space dock there wasn't much they could do but sit around and dwell on what was transpiring. Letting out a frustrated sigh as the turbolift's doors slid shut, he now understood Chakotay's overprotective nature when it came to Janeway. Their first officer may not realize it, but whenever a hostile situation arose he would linger close to Janeway, always hovering over her shoulder ready to pounce. Tom had laughed it off at first, but now, he understood. He should be the one down on the planet dealing with the Gerroan not Sarah. She should be up on _Voyager, _safe.

Or at least he should be down there with her to make sure she was safe. It was the not knowing that was killing him. Perhaps if he had some idea as to what was going on down there, he would feel better. But being kept in the dark was making his already frayed nerves worse.

The doors to the turbolift hissed open and Tom stepped out onto to bridge. He could make out Neelix's orange hair over the rail where the man was sitting in the first officer's chair. Tom had asked Neelix to stay on the bridge in case Casius contacted them again. The Talaxian had not left the bridge since.

"Report?" Tom asked, looking about.

Ensign Lang looked up from operations. "Nothing yet, sir."

Tom felt his face fall as he made his way down to the command station. Slumping down into Janeway's chair, he stared out the viewscreen, which was showing the sleek space dock that _Voyager _was docked at. "I'm not sure how much longer I can stand this," he mumbled to Neelix.

"We just need to be patient, Lieutenant," Neelix said, nervously besides him.

He scoffed. "That's easier said then done, Neelix."

The whine of a transporter could suddenly be heard. Spinning his head about he saw Sarah rematerialize next to tactical and a stunned looking Mike Ayala. Nearly toppling over as he jumped to his feet, he exclaimed, "Sarah!"

She stepped down to the command center. "Tom, the ready room, now."

Both officers let the bridge and disappeared into the ready room. Sarah spun immediately on her heel and faced him and he could see tears threatening to fall out of the corners of her eyes. Instinctively he pulled her into his arms, hushing her. She balled her fists up and buried her face into his chest. If he had thought the last three hours had been stressful for him and the rest of the crew while they fretted over her, he was sure that it had been ten times worse for Sarah. She had spent it on New Gerroa, alone, with no weapon or any type of defense. To her credit though she didn't break down and sob and scream like he had been expecting when he saw the tears, she just pressed against him.

He briefly wondered if this was how Chakotay handled Janeway during a stressful situation, when, if ever, she was on the verge of breaking down, by taking her into his arms and holding her. So, perhaps they were breaching all sorts of protocol, especially if the worse case scenario came about and they were forced to take command of _Voyager, _but at that moment, it was just the two of them.

She pushed away suddenly, sniffling. "Tell Baytart to prepare for departure."

"We're leaving?"

Sarah nodded her head. "Yes, the Gerroan have tracked the terrorist group to a nearby system, less than ten light years from here. We should reach it in three days at maximum speeds."

Tom studied her for a moment. "That's all you're going to tell me? You spend three hours, on New Gerroa, with no communication with _Voyager _and you expect me to leave it at that? I'll tell Baytart to set the course, but I'm going to need more out of you, Lieutenant Barrett."

She raised her chin slightly. "That's just it Tom, that's all I have. They were more interested in me and…well…let's leave it at that. Please, Tom, just…please, don't argue with me." She moved toward the port entrance of the ready room. "I'll be in sickbay if you need me…" With those words lingering in the air, Tom watched her leave.

Then he reached out and tapped his combadge, "Paris to sickbay."

"_Go ahead, Mister Paris._"

"Lieutenant Barrett has returned from New Gerroa, she's on her way to see you now, I want a full medical report on her, understood, Doc?"

"_Understood, I'll have it for you as soon as I complete it, Doctor out._"

With a small sigh, Tom stepped out of the ready room, back onto the bridge, prepared to follow Sarah's orders, even if he was in the dark to what was really going on.

* * *

"You're probably not going to like what I'm going to say," the Doctor told Tom Paris thirty minutes after Sarah Barrett had been transported back to _Voyager_. The two were standing in the office in sickbay.

Tom crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. "I'm finding that pretty much everything that is said to me the past two days I'm not liking. Spill it, Doc."

"I didn't find anything out of the ordinary when I checked Lieutenant Barrett," the hologram replied.

"Then why the hell did she come down to sickbay?"

The Doctor shrugged his shoulders. "Perhaps she wanted to make sure that she was alright, herself. You did say that she spent three hours down on the colony by herself, with no communication with _Voyager_, didn't you?"

Tom nodded. "Yes."

"Well, the only thing wrong with her, was that she had a headache, which is understandable given the circumstances," the hologram said. "I treated her and sent her on her way." He sat down at his desk and began to access his personal computer. "I was about to make the note in her medical file, when I called you."

"Are you sure nothing was wrong with her, nothing more than a headache?"

"Nothing more than a headache."

"Did she say why they were so interested in her?"

"Pardon?"

"When I spoke to her after her return she mentioned that the Gerroan seemed more interested in her, then actually discussing the Kreyole or the hostages," Tom replied. "She wouldn't elaborate any further."

The Doctor leaned back in his chair. "I assume that her Betazoid genetics were new to them. Perhaps they were questioning her about that. She...has been told about that, right?"

_Oh, damn. _Tom thought. "Uh, no. Captain Janeway mentioned wanting to study the adoption files more before giving her the news."

"How long was she going to wait? Until we make it home in seventy five years?"

"Hey, Doc, she didn't know she'd be held up," Tom said.

"I'm going to ignore that as a poor attempt at humor," the Doctor mumbled.

Tom frowned and opened his mouth to speak as the comline beeped. "_Lieutenant Paris, could you come to the bridge sir._"

He pressed his combadge. "I'm on my way, Ensign. Paris out."

"I strongly suggest that you let Lieutenant Barrett know her ancestry," the Doctor told him as he exited the office.

Tom turned towards him at the door. "I'm not sure spilling that on her is the best idea right about now, Doc. We've got a pretty bad situation enough as it is without throwing 'hey by the way, you're half betazoid' her way. When this is all over I'm sure Captain Janeway will sit down with her."

"If they make it back alive. You realize that if they don't, the job falls to you, Mister Paris."

"I know, and that's what scares the hell out of me."

He left sickbay quickly and entered the turbolift. "Bridge," he called out. The lift whirred to life and ascended. A few seconds later he was deposited on deck one. Ensign Lang was still manning operations while Harry worked with B'Elanna on modifying their weapons and shields.

"Lieutenant Barrett would like you to meet with her in the briefing room, sir," Lang told him, eyes adverting to the conference room doors.

Tom found this odd. Why didn't Sarah just see him in the ready room? Or her office? Why the conference room? Silently he crossed the back of the bridge and made his way into the conference room. The questions he had before were immediately answered. Sarah was sitting with Dellon Casius and another Gerroan man that Tom did not recognize. His eyes tried to meet Sarah's but they were cast downward, looking at her hands, resting on the table. She looked incredibly small with the two Gerroan men flanking her. "Lieutenant?"

Sarah's sapphire eyes snapped up to his face. They were cold, stone like, it was hard for him to get a reading on her emotions. "Lieutenant Paris, you already know Supreme Commander Casius, this is First Councilmen Yuvet Unay. He will be accompanying us to Delvor."

"Delvor?"

"Where it is rumored the Kreyole have taken your colleagues and our High Prophet," Casius replied. He gestured towards the First Councilmen. "First Councilmen Unay will be staying on _Voyager_, since your accommodations are more becoming of a person of such power then a Gerroan warship is. He will be much more comfortable here, Lieutenant Barrett assures me."

"Neelix has promised to handle all his needs," Sarah replied.

Tom slid into a seat opposite her, not bothering if he had not been told to sit. He wasn't about to become the Gerroan's puppet. He was surprised that Sarah was so willing to let them dish out orders to her. "Once we get to Delvor, what's the plan? Certainly if the Kreyole find out _Voyager_ is hosting a person in a position of power such as the First Councilmen, won't they try to take him hostage as well? Forgive me, but our ship is no match for yours, and I'm certain that it's not match for the Kreyole."

"_Voyager_ will remain out of their range and with the protection of one our ships."

"I beg your pardon?"

"When we arrive in the Delvor system, _Voyager_ will remain at least three light years from the planet while the Fleet moves into position."

"Sarah, you can't be seriously considering this!" Tom finally exploded at her stoic expression. She didn't even seem to flinch. _What the hell is going on with her?_

"I am," she finally said, in a soft tone barely audible.

"Sarah— ."

"I can assure you Mister Paris, my men know what they are doing, and I have allowed Lieutenant Barrett, yourself, and one Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres to come on this mission. You will transport to my ship when _Voyager _has reached its designated coordinates."

Tom blinked, confused, then looked at Sarah again. "You're leaving _Voyager_ in Harry's command?"

"He's a bridge officer, he's capable."

"Yeah, but still, I think _Voyager_ would benefit if you remained here, in command, while Harry came with B'Elanna and me," Tom argued.

Her eyes blazed then with a silent rage. If it weren't for their current circumstances, he may have felt giddy at seeing the flash of emotion from her. "I've made my decision Tom, that's final."

_More like they've made the decision for you. _"Is that all then?"

"For now."

Tom exited the briefing room with a bigger knot in his stomach then when he had entered. Whatever lay ahead of them was not going to be pleasant.

* * *

_Chief helmsmen's log, stardate 48561.8; Voyager is continuing to work with the Gerroan fleet in the hopes of finding the terrorists that took Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay, and Lieutenant Commander Tuvok hostage. We're about a day away from the planet they are rumored to be on. Lieutenant Barrett continues to be quiet about her time on New Gerroa, and although her medical report yielded nothing, I'm certain that there is more going on then meets the eye._

* * *

"I am already breaking a lot of standard procedures to allow you and your people to join us on this mission, Lieutenant Barrett," Dellon Casius said over the viewscreen. "You and your people do not know what you are dealing with like we do. Besides, I'm not sure your weapons will hold much stock against the Kreyole."

Tom Paris shifted about in the first officer's chair nervously. He glanced to his right to see that Sarah was hardly fidgeting at all. Her legs were crossed, arms draping over the chair, eyes narrowed on the Gerroan soldier. For the past two days they had been trying to get more of their people allowed on the team that was to transport to the surface of the planet where the Kreyole were supposedly holding their hostages. Sarah had yet to budge when it came to _Voyager _joining the fleet. The ship was still to stop three light years away from the planet. She was trying her hardest though to get a security detail on the mission. However, Casius had been adamant about it.

"I'm hoping that weapons will not have to be used," Sarah finally said, after several moments of tense silence.

Casius scowled. "No weapons, Miss Barrett? Really, you cannot be that naïve."

"I'm not being naïve, I'm being hopeful," Sarah replied. "The Federation's policy in situations like these is to find a peaceful resolution. Perhaps we can find something that the Kreyole want in exchange for our officers."

"Believe me when I tell you this, Miss Barrett, there is nothing that you can offer the Kreyole in exchange for your officers," Casius snapped.

Sarah gazed at the bench chair that she normally occupied, sideways for a moment. "Supreme Commander, if you really meant that, then you would not be letting _Voyager _join you on this mission. However, I feel that you _need _me for some reason or another."

He seemed appalled by this idea. "Me? The highest ranking military officer in the Gerroan forces, needs a smaller, inferior ship, with a woman at the helm? Forgive me, Lieutenant Barrett, but I think you should get some rest, obviously you are sleep deprived."

Tom clenched his fists. He hated the way that this man was treating Sarah. She seemed impervious to it. "Maybe you're right, maybe I do need sleep. But still you have to admit that it is strange that you the highest ranking officer in the fleet is bending when it comes to me when they supposedly would not need me and my little inferior ship to catch the Kreyole terrorists. Now, I suggest, if you want my help, that you let me deal with the terrorists my way."

"And if your ways do not work, Lieutenant?"

Her chin rose defiantly. "Then I guess we'll have to resort to your methods, Supreme Commander."

A sly grin came across his face. "But not before then, Lieutenant Barrett?"

"No, my people don't believe in violence like that," Sarah replied, firmly. "Captain Janeway would not want us to resort to such measures if we did not try to reach a peaceful resolution first."

"And if your people are dead?"

Tom felt himself shiver. He didn't want to think about what was going to happen if it turned out that Janeway and the others had been killed.

Sarah visibly stiffened. "We're hoping for the best."

"Keep hoping, Lieutenant, we'll be at the coordinates where we'll leave _Voyager _in less fifteen minutes," Casius said. "We look forward to hosting you and your officers." His face was gone from the screen.

Sarah stood up. "We have fifteen minutes to finalize our plan. Gather the senior officers in the briefing room."

Tom followed suit and watched as she left the bridge, disappearing into the conference room. Since her small breakdown in the ready room two days prior, she had not opened up to him, in fact she had barely spoken to him on a personal level. She was keeping her distance and it was making him uncomfortable and worried that there was something much deeper going on that he did not realize. After contacting the senior officers, Tom slipped into the conference room behind her. Sarah was seated at the table in Janeway's chair, a PADD in her hand.

Harry and B'Elanna entered, followed closely by Neelix and Kes. Tom was surprised that Neelix had been able to get away from their _guest _long enough to come to this meeting.

He moved about the table and took his seat in the chair usually occupied by Chakotay. It was beginning to disturb him how quickly he and Sarah were falling into the roles of _captain _and _commander. _"What have you got for me Harry?"

"Same old same old," Harry grumbled. "We're still having trouble adjusting our phasers to the Gerroan's shield frequencies. They change too quickly for us to compensate. We're working on a way to detect the changes faster, but it's a long process, Tom."

"Keep working on it," Tom ordered.

B'Elanna and Harry exchanged glances before Harry nodded his head.

"Neelix, how's our guest?" Tom turned his attention to the Talaxian.

"Other than being very inquisitive about the people and technology of this ship, he has been no bother at all," Neelix replied. "Although, I'm concerned about the interest he has taken with the telepaths on this ship. He won't leave Kes alone, and he keeps asking about Commander Tuvok. I don't know what that is all about and neither does Kes."

Tom looked at Sarah hoping that she would comment, but she remained silent. Glancing back at Neelix, he shrugged his shoulders. "As long as he's not violent, you're keeping the security detail with him like I asked, right?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good."

"Lieutenant Barrett," Kes said, finally addressing the silent woman. "What are we going to do about the children? Michael has been asking Tal a lot of pressing questions and we've both been fielding them as best as we can, but it's only a matter of time before he really begins to break down. Tal was hoping that you could come and see him. I think he'd like that."

Sarah shook her head. "I don't have time Kes. B'Elanna, Tom, and I are about to board Casius ship and head to Delvor to hopefully negotiate with the Kreyole for the release of our people. If all goes well Captain Janeway will be returning with us and we won't be having this discussion anymore."

"Forgive me for being rude, Lieutenant," Neelix interluded. "But what happens if Captain Janeway doesn't come back? Who is responsible for the children then?"

The question hung between the officers. Her eyes seemed to cloud over, hiding her true emotions. Tom felt his heart catch in his throat. It was not something that they had thought of. Her words to Casius just a few moments before kept ringing in his head, _we're hoping for the best. _Those sentiments had been the driving force behind the acting command duo and they hadn't thought beyond rescuing their colleagues.

Thankfully they were interrupted by Ensign Lang. "_Lieutenant Barrett. We've reached the coordinates where Voyager is to wait for you. Supreme Commander Casius is requesting that you transport over to his ship immediately so they can depart for Delvor._"

Tom stood up with the others and they left the room together. As B'Elanna and Sarah joined him in the turbolift he glanced at Harry one last time, praying silently to himself that this was not the last time he would see his best friend and his ship.

* * *

Delon Casius watched as his right hand man, Gaffa made his way across the back of the massive bridge of his battle cruiser. The younger man was quite possibly more coniving than Casius was himself, which bode well for the day that Casius had to pick a successor when he ultimately took over as First Councilman. "Report," he barked as the younger solider came ot a stop before his chair.

"The party from _Voyager _is aboard," Gaffa stated coming to attention.

"Do they suspect?"

A sly grin formed across the young solider's face. "Not a thing, sir."

Casius returned the grin and leaned back in his chair, folding his hands. "Excellent. Everything is going exactly as I believed it would. Keep our guest comfortable, I don't want to get their suspeicions up."

* * *


	37. Chapter 37

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N:**LittleJaneway **and everyone else who was wondering, I hope to have new stuff up by the end of the month. I've started to work on it more and getting out of my writer's block.

* * *

One day, nine hours, and thirty minutes, that's how long Tom Paris, Sarah Barrett, and B'Elanna Torres had left _Voyager _and joined the Gerroan fleet traveling to Delvor. And during that time Harry Kim, left in command of the ship in Sarah's absence, had not heard from them.

So he was surprised when Ensign Lang mentioned she was picking up a transmission. However, it wasn't on normal Gerroan frequencies. It was hidden in the subspace wake of a traveling starship. Puzzled as to why Sarah or Tom would try to contact him this way, he motioned for Lang to put it on screen. A grainy image appeared. But it was grainy image of someone that they were all praying to see again; Kathryn Janeway.

Everyone was on the bridge was so stunned to see her on the viewscreen, alive, that they missed when she started talking. Recovered from the initial shock, Harry was dismayed to see that they could only pick up bits and pieces. Apparently Janeway was either too far out of range or using very crude technology to send the message. Harry frowned as the message repeated. It was automated, meaning that she could have sent it days ago, before they were taken hostage. Or perhaps she was being forced to send the message to them now, to ward off the troops. "Have the message transferred to the command console," Harry ordered Lang. "I'll see if I can clean it up a bit."

He doubted that he could, but there was a sense of hope on the bridge and he was going to be damned if he was the one bringing them down. Maybe if he gave it a try cleaning up the message, the let down wouldn't be so hard when he couldn't clean it up.

He watched the message one more time. "_Lieutenant Barrett... message ...Gerroan Fleet... Kreyole... dangerous... will...few...days...Janeway..._" Harry frowned, what were the missing words? Was she trying to warn them of the Kreyole? Or the Gerroan? It seemed that it could fall either way and he found himself praying that he could get the message a bit cleaner so they could hear more of it. Or perhaps they would get lucky and Captain Janeway would send another message, only this time, a clear one. The fact alone that she had concealed the message in a subspace wake made him nervous. If this message had been sent before they were taken hostage, then why didn't she just send it over normal communication channels? Was she afraid that the Gerroan or Kreyole would pick it up?

If only he had B'Elanna here to help him figure it out. Even Tom would have been helpful. But Harry was the only senior officer on board, and it was making him feel incredibly lonely. He missed playing pool at Sandrine's with Sarah, B'Elanna, and Tom. He would much rather be doing that then sitting in the command chair trying to unscramble a message from his commanding officer who could very well be dead.

"_Lieutenant Barrett, I hope you get this message in time. We've run into some problems...Gerroan Fleet...Kreyole... dangerous... will...few... days... Janeway..._" The message squawked. Harry was surprised that he had managed to clean up that much, that quickly. The rest was heavily damaged and he had a feeling it was going to take longer. _Oh well, it's not like I have much to do right now. _

Since Sarah, Tom, and B'Elanna had left _Voyager _Harry had been in command, meaning modifying the shields and weapons had been put on hold, even though Joe Carey was doing his best to work it out, even he had mentioned to Harry that things would be going a lot smoother if B'Elanna were present. Harry wasn't even sure how long the away team was going to be gone. There was a real chance that this lead to Delvor didn't pan out and they would be back at square one. Not hearing from the away team either was making him nervous. Of course they would probably just be getting to Delvor that day and he was sure that Casius had a horde of procedures that he had to put the away team through before they beamed down to the surface.

Harry shook his head, looking at the static face of his commanding officer. _If only you were here, Captain. You would know what to do, you always do._

Of course if the Captain where here, then they wouldn't be joining forces with the Gerroan to negotiate with terrorists in the first place. A nagging voice in the back of his head told him that it was of the utmost importance to clean up the remainder of the message, even if it meant taken the whole time that Tom, Sarah, and B'Elanna were away from _Voyager _to do it.

* * *

_Chief Operations Officer's Log, supplemental; We have not had any contact with Lieutenant Barrett, Lieutenant Paris, or Lieutenant Torres, in forty-eight hours. Nerves are running higher than before, and I have been unable to clean up the message that Captain Janeway has sent us. Neelix seems to think that it is hopeless, but I'm not putting it to rest until I'm absolutely certain the damaged message cannot be fixed._

* * *

The sun was beating down on their backs and Sarah Barrett found she was wishing they had brought desert robes for this extrusion. Unfortunately Supreme Commander Casius had not been forthcoming with information about their destination, even after she, Tom, and B'Elanna had transported over to his lead warship. At the current moment the three officers were standing in the middle of a desert that reminded Sarah of the Badlands in South Dakota.

When she had been a child her father had insisted on taking her and Luke on a camping trip in the national park. Sarah had hated every minute of it. The days were hot and the nights cold.

Now, seventy-thousand light years from that park, she was standing in a similar place. To her it even smelled like South Dakota. Why would anyone want to live here?

Casius had informed them that this place was a stronghold for Kreyole activity. He was leading them to where he thought their leader, Valia Jourid, was. If there was anyone that Sarah needed to speak to, it was her, Casius assured her. Sarah found herself not feeling very assured. Two days of no contact from _Voyager_, and living in tight quarters with Paris and Torres, was not helping matters. As they trekked over the barren landscape, the memories of that horrid camping trip was also adding to her sour disposition, which did not forebode well for someone who had to negotiate with terrorists in about ten minutes.

"I feel like we've been walking for hours," Tom complained, his gray-blue eyes fixed on the back of Casius in front of them.

B'Elanna glanced back at the three guards that were following them. "I get the impression that they're just leading us on," she mumbled under her breath to Sarah.

The young counselor had considered that a possibility, but at the moment they had no other leads to go on to find their missing colleagues. She found herself asking the same question over and over again, what would Captain Janeway do?

Casius suddenly held his hand up. The group stopped. The large leader crouched down and gestured for the others to follow suit. His soldiers did it immediately, but Sarah, Tom, and B'Elanna looked at each other, confused at first before joining them. "They're over the hill, in the caves. I don't want to go in there like this, because the moment they see Gerroan troops they'll start to fire. I suggest, Lieutenant Barrett that you leave your weapons here, and proceed with your two officers to the entrance of the cave."

Sarah quirked an eyebrow. "And you will be where?"

"Here, covering you of course."

"Oh, of course. How foolish of me."

Casius scowled. "If you would prefer my men and I to leave, it can be arranged Miss Barrett."

"Actually I prefer it if at least one of my officers is armed. Tom?"

"Already set the phaser to stun, ma'am."

With her jaw set, Sarah stood back up, B'Elanna and Tom following suit. They proceeded down the slope they had been hiding behind towards the caves. From this sight line they couldn't make out if there was actually anyone in the caves and for all they knew they were waltzing right into a perfectly crafted trap by the Gerroan. Then there was the flicker of movement in the sunlight. B'Elanna's gasped a little, Tom's hand clutched at the phaser.

As they made their way closer faces became visible. There were two men sitting at the entrance to the cave. They were dressed in ratty old clothes from the looks of it, had pale, cream colored skin, pointy ears and slight cranial ridges. They looked nothing like the Gerroan. "I get the feeling that these people are not Gerroan," Sarah said under her breath as one of the men came out to meet them. The three Starfleet officers stopped in the their tracks, noticing the large weapon that the Kreyole man held in his hands.

He raised his weapon slightly, asking for identification.

"Lieutenant Sarah Barrett of the Starship _Voyager_, these are my officers, Lieutenants Tom Paris and B'Elanna Torres."

"Lieutenant, eh? Where's your captain?"

_Great more mind games_. "We were wondering if perhaps you could help us with that," Sarah replied. "We've been told that our commanding officers have been taken hostage by a Kreyole terrorist group."

He laughed at her. It was a cold, are you serious, kind of laugh. "Listen, I don't know about any hostages. Is that what the Gerroan told you?"

"Does it matter who told me?"

"It does if it was that brute, Casius."

Sarah exchanged glances with Tom and B'Elanna. "Why do you call him that?"

"Don't answer that question, Luca. She could be working for them."

"I'm not working for them; I'm trying to find my colleagues that's it."

The one called Luca laughed again. "They have you so wrapped around their finger it's not even funny."

"Yeah, then why are you laughing?" Tom snapped.

Luca pointed the gun at Tom. "I'd keep my mouth shut if I were you, Lieutenant."

Sarah grabbed a hold of Tom by the forearm. "Listen, just…everyone calm down. I'm not sure what's going on between you or Casius, the Kreyole or the Gerroan. I just want to get my colleagues back safely. Now, if you have any information for me, I would greatly appreciate it."

He opened his mouth to speak, but somewhere above them on the slope, there came a great cry and before Sarah could even figure out what was happening, Tom had grabbed her and was pulling her behind another slope, ducking for cover. B'Elanna huddled at their side. Casius had opened fire on them, just opened up and fired. Sarah shook with an anger she had not felt since her first few days on the Borg protect. She felt the strongest urge to pluck the phaser out of Tom's hand and fire it at the Gerroan. She didn't know which one to shoot first. Apparently Casius had called for back up troops and they were now storming the caves. The two guards that Sarah and the others had been talking too lay dead on the ground. She realized with a sudden sorrow that she had not gotten the other man's name.

Before Tom could stop her, she clambered to her feet and was pushing Casius with all the might she could muster. "YOU SAID YOU'D COVER ME! NOT START SHOOTING AT ME! THEY HADN'T EVEN OPENED FIRE ON US!"

Casius' dark eyes glowered at her. "These things do not concern you, girl. Now go back with your shipmates and await my orders."

"Your orders!"

"Yes, _my _orders! This is my operation, not yours!"

"You were never going to help me in the first place, were you? You just needed me to confirm that this was indeed the place you were looking for, wasn't it?" Sarah cried, feeling tears that had threatened to fall for the past four days creeping into her eyes. She had never felt so used and she kept thinking that Captain Janeway never would have fallen into such a trap.

His answer to her was to silently have them transported back to the warship. Sarah, Tom, and B'Elanna found themselves back in their tight quarters. Casius' second in command was sneering at them. "You will remain here until Supreme Commander Casius returns." The door was closed in their faces and they could hear it lock.

Tom and B'Elanna watched as Sarah turned her back on them and kicked the bunk hard. "How could I be so stupid!"

"Sarah," Tom ventured. "None of us saw this coming."

She looked at him, fury in her eyes. "They used me to get those people to come out of hiding."

"And there is nothing we can do about that," Tom said.

"Tom's right," B'Elanna quipped. "Right now, we need to focus on why they wanted us to get them to come out. Obviously there is a reason why the Kreyole wouldn't come out and meet the Gerroan, so they needed someone else to do that for them. We were the perfect canidates."

"Janeway never would have fallen for that."

"You're not Captain Janeway," Tom said. "And…to be honest with you, you're doing a hell of a job without her."

Sarah's sapphire eyes filled with tears and some of them managed to escape, sliding down pale cheeks. "I can't do it anymore, Tom," she whispered, before collapsing down onto the bunk, sobbing. "I just can't do it anymore."

* * *

Deep within the caves fighting could be heard. His eyes snapped open. They had been discovered. Moving as quickly as he could, he gathered the little belongings that they had and picked his way through the crowds of people. With one hand he shook his other companion awake, a tall, dark skinned man, and then made his way through the crowd again to find his other companion. The bag slung over his shoulder bumped into people as he walked, but he finally found her slumped against the wall in exhaustion. They hadn't slept much the past five days, this cavern had been a refuge, but now that refuge had been found out.

He grasped her shoulder, and with a gently nudge, woke her up. "It's time to go Kathryn."

* * *


	38. Chapter 38

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: I'm working hard to get this all up so I can start writing again. Thanks for all your patience!

* * *

Two days after they had meet up with _Voyager _Gaffa, Casius' second in command showed up at their door again, this time stating that the Supreme Commander wanted to speak to Lieutenant Barrett. Sarah had been quiet, lost in thought most of the way back, while Tom and B'Elanna had been animated, trying to come up with theories as to why Casius had manipulated them, so easily too. The only words that she had uttered had been that he had manipulated them so easily was because he had played off of their emotions. All of them were worried about the others, had fears of what not finding them meant, Casius had felt that and used it against them.

Tom was lying on his bunk when Gaffa appeared. He didn't like the fact that the Supreme Commander wanted to see Sarah alone. After their last exchange, Tom knew that the Gerroan could not be happy with her and that made him all the more dangerous in the young pilot's eyes.

"Did he say why he wanted to see me?" Sarah asked, coldly from her bunk.

"No," Gaffa said. "And it should not matter. When the Supreme Commander summons you, you do not question why, you just go."

"Well, you can tell the Supreme Commander that he's going to have to tell me why," Sarah snapped. "Because I'm not leaving this room until he either does, or when we're back on _Voyager._"

Gaffa's eyes darkened with malice. "Stupid _nulpias._"

Sarah stood up. "You keep calling me that, why? Is it because I'm a woman? Or is it more?"

His face paled a little. "That is not your concern, Lieutenant."

"It's not?" Sarah spat. There was no response. "Tell the Supreme Commander if he wants to see me, to send a reason, or I'm not leaving this room. Dismissed." She waved her hand absentmindedly and went to sit back on her bunk, her backside to the Gerroan officer, who scowled at her and stormed out of the room, the door clanging behind him.

Tom and B'Elanna looked at each other. "Maybe you should have gone," Tom finally ventured to say.

"Why, so he can manipulate me even more?" Sarah snapped back. "I'm done playing his mind games. It's time that he played mine."

Silence fell over the three officers. B'Elanna shivered, she was sure that she could hear the Supreme Commander screaming from three or four decks up because of Sarah's refusal to go and see him. Her dark eyes flitted about the room. She would be glad to be gone from this place. Even the prospect of spending the rest of her life on a Federation starship was better than this place.

Fifteen minutes later the door flew open again. Gaffa was standing there looking angrier than before. "Supreme Commander Casius says that he does not have to give you a reason, he is the Supreme Commander of the Gerroan Fleet. Now, he demands that you speak to him, immediately. He has Valia Jourid waiting in an interrogation room for you."

_Valia Jourid. _The name sounded familiar to Sarah. She casually turned her face over her shoulder to look at Gaffa. "You just gave me the reason, Gaffa. Did you do that because you're afraid if you go back there, a second time to tell Casius that I'm not coming, that he'll do something to you? Frankly, I think that's why you're all here, you're all afraid of him."

"Gerroan officers are not cowards, Lieutenant Barrett."

Sarah stood, slowly; she wanted to make him sweat a bit. The truth was she was really going to go, but it was fun watching this pathetic man squirm in front of her. "Well from where I stand, it sure looks that way. Now you said that Casius had a Valia Jourid with him, who is that? I don't think I've heard that name before."

Gaffa didn't see through her lie. "She is one of the higher ranking officials in the Kreyole government. If anyone knows where your people are it's her."

Tom jumped up on his bunk, excitement burning in his eyes. "You have to go Sarah; you can't just sit here now. Enough with the mind games, so Casius manipulated you! It's time to put your damn foot down and end this!"

Her sapphire eyes burned through him, to the very core. "I _know _that Lieutenant Paris." She turned back towards Gaffa. "Take me to see Casius, but I'm going on my on accord, not because he demanded it."

"Very well, Lieutenant, this way."

Straightening her uniform she made a silent exit, ahead of the Gerroan officer. Once they were outside the doors, and they had closed, Gaffa pulled out a small device, pressed a button and the two were swept up into a transporter beam. When they came out of it, they were standing in large, ornate corridor, similar to the one at the Hall on New Gerroa. Sarah felt her senses begin to tighten. Where were they?

They made their way down the long hallway, shoes echoing off of the large marble walls. At the bottom of some stairs, two guards were waiting for them.

"Where…are we?" Sarah finally found her voice to ask Gaffa.

"This is the prison, or at least the entrance to it, on the Vaga Colony. Supreme Commander Casius is beyond those secured doors, however, the guards are going to have to make sure that you are not armed before you enter," Gaffa replied.

Before Sarah could respond one of the guards ripped her combadge off. She began to protest, but Gaffa stopped her. "I know that it is not a weapon, but no method of communication with the outside world is permitted inside the prison. You will get your communicator back when you leave." He gestured for her to follow. "This way please."

She climbed up the steps behind him, the guards following closely on her heels. They passed through large steel doors that creaked open after Gaffa had entered an access code in a nearby panel. Before her was a rather…damp and dark passageway, lined with cells, their green force fields the only light in the corridor. It was considerably less ornate in here, and as she stepped inside she caught the glimpse of several prisoners, all Kreyole from the looks of it.

In fact, as they glided along past more cells, she realized that she had yet to see any Gerroan prisoners. "Um, Gaffa, if you don't mind my asking, where are the Gerroan prisoners kept?"

"You expect us to put Gerroan criminals in here with the unholy ones?" a guard snapped behind her. "Gerroan criminals at least deserve to rot in their cell without all the _nulpias_ around."

_Unholy ones? _"Silence, Garver," Gaffa snapped holding a hand up. "These people do not understand our ways; let us not burden the young woman with it, shall we?"

They twisted down another long corridor, more cells lining the walls. At the end of this corridor was another set of steal doors. They stopped at them and Gaffa punched another access code and the doors creaked open. In the dim light of the room, Sarah could see Casius sitting at a large, round table. He had a smug look on his face as she entered. She had the strongest urge to slap it off of him. "You failed to tell me that we would be making a detour to another colony. Tell me, Casius when were you going to return me to _Voyager?_"

"Have a seat, Miss Barrett."

Sarah sat in the chair farthest away from him. "You wanted to see me."

"Yes," Casius replied, gesturing for Gaffa and the guards to leave. "You'll be pleased to know that we've arrested one of the higher ranking officials in the Kreyole government."

"Oh, so they're a government now, are they? What happened to being people who didn't conform to your beliefs, Casius?" Sarah snapped. She was tired of being taken advantage of, tired of stumbling and falling every time that life handed her a harsh blow. But not this time, she almost felt sorry for Casius that he was going to get the brunt of her fighting back. "Tell me the truth, no more skirting around the issue, because quite frankly, I'm sick of it. If you're not going to help me then I suggest that we part ways…amicably, and I'll continue on with _Voyager_ to find my people."

Casius seemed speechless. "You honestly believe you'd make it?"

"You'd be surprised how strong our sense of survival is," Sarah snapped.

"Bring her in," Casius said into a small communicator that he had concealed in the palm of his hand. Two doors in the back of the room opened and a Kreyole woman was lead in, dragged roughly by her arms, and forced to sit in a chair. Sarah noticed that this time Casius didn't ask the guards to leave. "Lieutenant Barrett, this is Valia Jourid."

The woman didn't acknowledge her, just looked stoically ahead, like a Vulcan would, Sarah noted.

"Valia, tell Miss Barrett where her people are being kept," Casius replied.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jourid replied. "I have never seen this woman, or anyone resembling her, at anytime."

Sarah saw the muscles in Casius jaw tighten.

"Tell her."

Jourid remained where she was looking ahead. Casius got up and began to pace, rambling on angrily about what was going to happen to her if she did not comply. Sarah didn't hear what he said, Jourid had looked right at her and suddenly a voice filled her mind. _Your people are safe with us. They got off on a transport and our heading to a hidden base about fifteen light years from here. Get back to Voyager and set a course, four one three mark two zero. We're not you're enemies, they're waiting for you. _

Sarah blinked, opened her mouth to say something then thought better of it. _What do I tell Casius?_

_Tell him that you are done working with him, and go your separate ways._

"Valia, tell her! You know what will happen if you don't!"

_I'm sorry, I didn't know they were going to use me like this._

_It's not your fault. There's still time to save your people and your ship, if you break all ties with Casius now._

"Valia I grow tired of this, tell the nice young lady what she wants to hear."

Jourid sat there, mouth clamped shut. Casius pulled out a hand rifle and gave her one last warning. Sarah gasped and jumped as he fired a shot right into the Kreyole's chest. "Foolish _nulpias._" He waved a hand and the guards took the body away. He turned to look at her. "It seems Miss Barrett that you are still going to need my services."

In all her time studying the Borg or other terrorist groups she had never actually seen someone killed because of their actions. Inside she could feel herself shaking with silent rage. When the woman had been brought in here, she had known some how that it was going to come to this, but it still did not make it right. She was beginning to wonder if Captain Janeway had seen something similar and parted ways with the Gerroan. Now, Casius wanted to use her to find them. She wasn't going to allow that to happen. Sarah stood, shaking her head. "No, Casius, I've had enough of your services. We'll take it from here. If you would kindly allow me and my officers transport back to _Voyager—_."

His hand grabbed onto her arm forcefully. "If you think you can survive without us out there, you are more of a fool than Valia was. _Voyager _will never last."

She pushed away. "We'll take our chances," she hissed. She glared at him, hoping it was her best imitation of a Janeway command glare. "Now, please, Supreme Commander, let us return to our ship."

Casius let go of her arm and pressed a button on his communicator. The doors swished open and the officer who had escorted her there stepped in. "Gaffa will take you back to your people. _Voyager_ will be given five hours until she has to depart our space. If during that time you change your mind, we can continue this partnership, but after that, you are on your own Miss Barrett, and may the gods have mercy on your soul."

* * *

The new hiding place was more depressing then the last one, Chakotay thought with dismay as he wound his way through dank corridors to find Kathryn. Since they had fled Delvor Chakotay had noticed that the Kreyole had been treating them with a cold shoulder, some of them were down right rude, spitting at them, uttering hateful words. He wasn't sure what had caused things to go sour and Kathryn had ordered that the three of them try to find out what was going on.

It had not been easy. Many of the Kreyole were either afraid of him or mad at him. He had resorted to eavesdropping to gather information and what he heard had troubled him. Now he was trying to find Kathryn amongst this mess.

She was tinkering at a console, perhaps trying to send another message to _Voyager. _

Chakotay stopped next to her, leaning against the console. "I've found out some things, you?"

"Nothing," she said, not looking up from her work. "I've been trying to set up communications to get in touch with _Voyager. _What did you find out, Commander?"

"You're not going to like it," Chakotay warned her.

Kathryn frowned. "I'm finding that this whole situation is not likeable, spill it."

"Apparently, Sarah never got your first message. She was present at the ambush on Delvor."

Now her blue eyes snapped away from what she was working on to stare at her first officer. "Tell me that she wasn't directly involved."

Chakotay shook his head. "She wasn't, I guess that's the only bit of good news that I have. Rumor has it that Casius told her that we had been taken hostage by the Kreyole, along with one of their high prophets. With no one to contradict the story, naturally Sarah had to go along with it."

"He used her emotions to get what he wanted," Kathryn replied, shaking her head. "Any word on what happened to her afterwards?"

"None," Chakotay answered. "I'm sure the Gerroan Fleet is keeping an eye on her and _Voyager._"

"All the more reason we need to get in contact with them," Kathryn said, going back to work. "Tuvok's working on getting the Kreyole back in our favor. I suppose seeing one of our officers present at the ambush would make them weary. I can understand why they would be, we could very well be working for the Gerroan."

Chakotay let out a short breath of air. "I can't imagine Sarah would have gone along with it if she had known what was really going on."

"Which leads me to believe that she didn't know what was going on," Kathryn said. She stopped her work for a moment and stared blankly ahead, her eyes glassing over with intense thought. "You know she asked me why I didn't want her to come on the first contact mission with the Fedori. I told her that the three of us were capable of handling a first contact situation. If only I knew what was going to happen, perhaps I would have changed my mind. I wanted her to find her way, but having this thrust upon her lap…"

"Do you trust her Kathryn?"

"Yes."

"Then everything will be fine."

Her eyes traveled to his again. "Will it Chakotay? If we thought we were under a lot of stress here, running from this race that considers themselves superior to all others, then what must it be like for her, now that she's been manipulated by them? I want to think that she's going to rise above it, but her track record…Chakotay, it could only make things worse for her."

Chakotay shook his head. "You're wrong, Kathryn. I think she's going to surprise you. And I think in the long run it's going to be better for all of us."

Before Kathryn could answer, Tuvok stepped up to join the group. "I believe I have found a small group of Kreyole willing to help us Captain. They are friends of Valia Jourid, the woman that was captured during the ambush. She was in telepathic contact with them before she was apparently killed or thrown into prison by the Gerroan. When that happens, they are given a neural inhibitor of some kind to quell their telepathic abilities."

Kathryn felt her heart thunder in her chest. If that was the case, then Sarah could very well have been drugged by those monsters and Kes as well. She felt a shiver make its way up her spine despite the fact that it was hot in the compound they were in. "What did they have to say, Tuvok?"

"Valia spoke to Lieutenant Barrett, instructed her to break contact with the Gerroan and head here."

"And?"

"That was it."

"Is there anyway that they can contact Sarah now?"

Tuvok looked puzzled. "Captain, you have been working on the communications array for the past three hours and have yielded no results. I don't see how Valia's friends will be able to help."

Kathryn's eyes seemed to light up with a fire that had not been present the past few days. "They can, because they can reach out to her telepathically."

"Captain?"

"Let's go," Kathryn instructed her officers. "I have a plan."

* * *

Casius sat in the darkness of his private chambers on his warship, nursing a strong cup of Gerroan tea. Things had not worked out like he had envisioned them working on. They had captured Valia, yes, but her silence had only added to the outrage of the young human woman, and Casius had needed her and her ship to flush the remainder of the Kreyole out. In the last few years the Kreyole had become smarter, more resourceful, had picked up allies from neighboring star systems, thus making his job more difficult. _Voyager _had been a blessing, really, he had used their emotions to get what he had wanted, to find where Valia was hiding and bring her in. Of course the story that their colleagues had been taken hostage was all fabrication, but if the crew was anything like the captain, he had known that they would not be easily swayed with the truth.

Sarah Barrett had fallen right into his hands. And for that reason he felt like he was going to get burned by it later, maybe much later, down the road, but he knew that he was not done dealing with _Voyager, _Sarah Barrett, or Kathryn Janeway just yet.

The doors to the room slid open. Gaffa stepped inside.

"Are they away?"

"Yes, my lord."

"Good, the tracking device is on board _Voyager_?"

"Yes, sir."

Casius felt a sly grin form on his face. _I told her it was foolish to think she could survive on her own. Now, she's going to realize that when it's too late. Pity, I liked her. _"Excellent. Let me know when they reach their destination. Follow at five light years behind them; keep us under the dampening shields, understood? I don't want Lieutenant Barrett finding us out here."

Gaffa nodded his head and left the room. The game, Casius thought with amusement, was on.

* * *

Kathryn Janeway tried to fall asleep but sleep had eluded her for the past two weeks. Rolling over onto her side on the bedroll she watched as Chakotay slept. Tuvok was asleep on the other side of her, but she found studying the commander much more interesting than watching the Vulcan sleep. He was laying on one side, his face to her and she briefly wondered if he had fallen asleep studying her. When she had first been married, troubled with thoughts if she could keep up a healthy relationship with Bryan and a career, she had often laid awake for hours just watching him sleep, the rise and fall of his chest. Suddenly she felt embarrassed. She shouldn't be watching her first officer that way.

Rolling over onto her back she balled her fist up and pressed it against her forehead. She tried to settle her thoughts on her children. _God I hope Voyager is safe, I hope they're safe. _As far as she knew, the Gerroan had no idea that she had children on board her ship, and from what she had been told, _Voyager _had not even been fired on by the powerful aliens.

Good news was hard to come by in this place though. For every little bit of good news she heard rumored around here, there always seemed to be more bad news. Earlier that day, while her and Chakotay had been chatting with Valia Jourid's friends and if they had any success in contacting Sarah Barrett telepathically, which they hadn't since Valia had spoken to them before her death, the captain and first officer had overheard a group of Kreyole teens saying that _Voyager _had been "blasted out of the sky" when they had parted ways with the Gerroan Fleet. Chakotay had spent the entire afternoon trying to quell those rumors and the concerns it was causing her, saying that they were rumors, nothing more.

Kathryn couldn't put it to rest though. Her babies were on that ship and if what those teenagers had said was indeed true, her children, along with one hundred and forty people had died at the hands of the Gerroan while looking for her.

Tears began to press the backs of her eyes. What she wouldn't give for a cranky Ava to be begging to cuddle up in bed with her right now, or for Michael to be babbling away nonstop about his latest school project? Her troubled thoughts settled on her son now. He must know that something was wrong, that his mother was not back on _Voyager _when she had promised she'd be there. _He must be frightened, _Kathryn thought, finally letting the tears escape. She had told him once, after Bryan had died, that she would never abandon him. What must he be thinking right now? That she had gone back on that promise? That she had indeed abandoned them?

Footsteps could be heard approaching and she wiped the tears away from her eyes. No sense in letting a late night Kreyole wanderer see her emotional lapse.

"Captain Janeway?" a voice whispered.

Kathryn sat up to see Ravior, one of Valia's friends leaning down at her feet. "Yes," she whispered back, careful not to wake Chakotay or Tuvok.

"We've just picked up a Federation ship entering the system," Ravior told her.

Her heart leapt. "Have you had contact with them yet?"

"No, they're still too far out of range."

Kathryn got to her feet, throwing the threadbare blanket she had wrapped around her to try and stay warm to the ground. "I want to be there when you make contact. I can't sleep anyways." She glanced down at her sleeping officers and wondered briefly if she should wake them. _They haven't slept in days, _Kathryn concluded, and decided to let them sleep. With a small nod of her head she told Ravior to lead the way. Excitement began to creep into her tired veins. She was about to have real time contact with her ship in two weeks. If that wasn't the best news she had gotten for a while, she wasn't sure what was.

* * *


	39. Chapter 39

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: The Red Sox are starting up their next playoff series, long nights of pacing the living room await me...and more updates to calm me down haha. Like I said I want to get started on the next "season" as soon as possible.

* * *

The mood around _Voyager _had been somber the last three days as they traveled at warp towards coordinates that Sarah Barrett claimed she had received from a Kreyole leader on the Vaga colony. Harry Kim didn't know how much stock to put into that. Sarah had been alone, and already on one occasion had been manipulated by Supreme Commander Casius, for all he, and the rest of the crew knew, they were flying right into another trap.

Harry had felt his mood go south when Sarah, Tom, and B'Elanna had returned from the Gerroan warship and Sarah had informed them that they would no longer be working with the Gerroan Fleet to find their missing officers. He hadn't voiced his concerns that they would not be able to make it on their own, but rather, had plunged into trying to decipher more of the message that Captain Janeway had sent them. Sarah had seemed uninterested in the message, as did Tom and B'Elanna. When he had questioned his friends on that they had all brushed him off, claiming that they were busy. B'Elanna had immediately gone back to work on the weapons and shields, Sarah locked herself in the ready room doing god only knew what, Neelix had all but disappeared after the First Councilmen had left, and Harry had not seen Tom in what felt like months.

The doors to the turbolift opening startled him. He glanced up to see that B'Elanna was standing in there. Swallowing he got inside. Since their near kiss in the transporter room several weeks before, they had not been alone. Even working in engineering together, there was always someone over their shoulder.

"Going to the bridge?" B'Elanna finally asked, breaking the silence.

"Ah yeah," Harry replied.

The Klingon woman instructed the lift to continue. They rode it in silence for a while before she finally spoke. "Listen, Harry, about what happened in the transporter room, weeks ago now, I know, I think…I think it was just…you know…a defense mechanism or some other stupid thing that Sarah would call it."

Harry looked at her. He had never told anyone about what had happened in the transporter room, but the rumors had flown all over the ship. He felt his heart fall. "Right, of course," he lied to her. "Let's consider it forgotten, okay?"

B'Elanna's face fell slightly, but she set her jaw. "Consider it forgotten."

The doors to the bridge swished open and the two officers stepped off, both going in opposite directions. Harry took his place at operations and B'Elanna went to disappear into the ready room. Harry frowned. His mood had just gotten worse. He just did not have luck with women. He was sure that Libby was going to find someone new, Sarah had become more like a sister to him, and now B'Elanna just wanted to be friends, and their near kiss in the transporter room weeks before had been nothing but an emotional lapse. He vaguely wondered if Tom was having anymore luck with Sarah or the Delaney sisters than he was having.

Sarah and B'Elanna were stepping out of the ready room now, and Harry realized it had been several hours since he had last seen their acting captain. She had taken her hair out of the twist and it was pinned at the sides with two silver clips. Both women took the steps up to tactical and instructed Mike Ayala to move to the side. The former Maquis did so, watching with curious eyes as Sarah worked at the console. After several seconds she handed a PADD back to B'Elanna and they moved away from the console silently. The Chief Engineer disappeared back into the turbo lift and Sarah back into the ready room.

Harry's brow furrowed. _What the hell is going on? And where the hell is Tom? _It was time that he found out. Leaving his station behind he went to press the door chime to the ready room. Sarah's voice called out an "enter" and the doors swished open.

She was sitting at the desk looking at the personal computer. Her eyes drifted up slightly to see him standing there. "What can I do for your Harry?"

"What can you do for me? First, you can tell me what's going on Sarah. You lock yourself in the ready room since returning from the Gerroan Fleet and Delvor, B'Elanna is the only one who goes in and out of here with the exception of Kes every now and then; Tom has not been seen at his station for three days, and Neelix suddenly is ill," Harry snapped, feeling the strain from the past three days beginning to wear on him. "I don't think its coincidence, do you?"

For a moment he didn't think she was going to answer. Silently she pushed the personal computer away from her. "Harry you're paranoid, did I ever tell you that? Neelix is indeed ill, ask the Doctor he treated him, and Tom is working on a project for me. I know the last three days have been…stressful, but hopefully when we reach our destination, everything will fall into place. Now, Harry can you go command the bridge for me? If you need anything, I'll be in here, working."

He blinked as she went back to work. Her dismissal of him made him feel cold inside. Stepping out onto the bridge he went to sit in the command chair, running his fingers along the edges. He glanced at the console, remembering the message from Captain Janeway. If Sarah wasn't going to tell him what was going on, maybe there was something in that message that would. He began working on it immediately, and three hours later when Ensign Lang was picking up a transmission and they were pulling out of warp, he still had not cleaned it up anymore. "Lieutenant Barrett to the bridge," Harry said, standing up. "Put the message on screen, Ensign."

A man's face appeared on the screen as Sarah stepped out onto the bridge. She was smiling. "Hello, Ravior."

"Lieutenant Barrett, we've been expecting you."

Harry glanced sideways at her.

"You can help us then?"

"I believe that we can."

Sarah crossed her arms over her chest for a moment. "Before I consent to any talks between us, first, I need to understand what is going between your people and the Gerroan. I'm treading dangerous waters here; it only seems natural that I understand what I'm getting myself into."

"Understandable," the Kreyole, Ravior replied. " Our people conexisted side by side for centuries until people like Supreme Commander Casius took control. The Gerron believe that my people are unholy, the _nulpias_… our empathic abilities frighten them, they believe that we are possessed by demons... we do not possess the technology that they do and we would rather not, to them all beings that they deem inferior should be purged. They have been rounding up and putting my people in prisons for years. But since Supreme Commander Casius has taken command of the Fleet, these roundups have become bloodier. We are forced to move every few months just to stay a head of them."

Sarah shivered. "I've seen the prison on Vaga. It isn't a nice place."

"Vaga is only the tip of the iceberg I'm afraid, Lieutenant. Throughout the years as my people have fled Gerron space, they have pursued us, thus, spreading their territory. You have yet to enter the heart of it," Ravior replied. "My people are scattered throughout their space in prisons like the one you have seen on Vaga."

Harry felt bile rising in his throat. They had entered a region of space that was torn apart by a holy war from the sounds of it.

"We'd be glad to offer assistance if you could kindly transmit transport coordinates to us," Sarah requested.

"Certainly, Lieutenant," Ravior replied. Harry heard the beeping of consoles behind him and Lang tell their acting captain that she had received the coordinates.

Before Sarah could utter the order though to have herself beamed down there, she was picked up in a purple transporter beam. Harry stood there stunned; he had thought B'Elanna had come up with a way to protect everyone from being transported off of the ship by the Gerroan. _Voyager _rocked suddenly with weapon's fire and Harry felt himself yelling, "RED ALERT!"

"Sir, a Gerroan warship has just dropped out of warp!" Lang reported, nervously.

Harry tapped his combadge. "B'Elanna I hope you have something for me on the shields and weapons."

"_We came up with a crude shielding modification, based on information I got from the warship, but we haven't tested them yet, Harry, it's possible that these new modifications could tear the ship apart let alone protect it._"

A console exploded with another volley. A crewman went flying over the railing. "B'Elanna, we're going to be ripped apart either way. Prepare to bring the new shields online on my orders!"

"_Understood, we'll be standing by_."

Harry turned about gripping the railing tightly to keep his balance as the ship rocked violently. "Lang, do you have a lock on Lieutenant Barrett?"

"Transporting her would mean we'd have to drop our shields sir," Lang stuttered.

_Which is what they want, _Harry lamented. "Target the ship and bring B'Elanna's new weapons online. Let's try them on for size."

* * *

It was dark in the room that Sarah had been transported too. It was large with several windows lining the left side wall with the twinkling stars and the glow of the planet below them the only light. But Sarah knew he was there. Her senses told her it was true. Suddenly his large form moved from the shadows. She didn't flinch because she had known he would make his presence known at some point. "Lieutenant Barrett, have a seat," Supreme Commander Casius' voice told her. She could see his large hand gesturing towards a soft plush chair.

Slowly she lowered her body into it. Casius stepped from the shadows, holding a pot of steaming Gerroan tea in his hands. "Tea? It maybe stronger than what you humans are used too, but I think you might enjoy it."

"How do I know it's not poison?"

He chuckled. "Why don't you use your telepathic senses to figure that out?"

"I'd rather not," she snapped.

Casius moved towards her, placing the pot onto the nearby glass top table. A sly grin, one that she had come to know all too well the past two weeks, crept across his features. "Do you honestly believe what the stupid old man Ravior told you, Miss Barrett? Or me, a person who has done nothing but be helpful to you."

"Helpful?" Sarah spat.

"Yes, I didn't have to let you and your small ship come along for the ride to Delvor," Casius replied.

"Except for the fact that you needed me to get Valia Jourid, or did you forget that minor detail?"

Casius took a sip of his tea, still chuckling to himself. "I've liked you, Miss Barrett, from the beginning. You have fire, that's something Gerroan women lack. I don't think you truly see how…attractive that makes you." He put the cup down as well and moved towards her. Soon his large body was standing over her, his hands gripping the sides of her chair. His face was inches from hers. "Why don't you leave _Voyager _behind, Sarah, we could easily end all this conflict between the Gerroan and Kreyole, I would be the new leader of the Gerroan Empire, and you could be its first empress. You have to admit it sounds tempting does it not?"

Sarah felt her nerves begin to tingle. His breath was hot on her face. She felt violated and he had not even touched her…yet. "If there's one thing you have yet to learn about my people is that we don't seek wealth or power. Humans no longer have the desire to possess material things. We want to improve our knowledge, add to our culture."

"Such a noble race, you humans," Casius said, tracing a finger down her cheekbone. "So noble, in fact, that you blindly flew away from Vaga thinking that you could out wit me, the Supreme Commander of the strongest military fleet in the sector, quite possibly the entire quadrant." He pulled out his tiny communicator and pressed a button on it. "Gaffa, have the ground troops been deployed?"

"_They have my lord._"

"And _Voyager_?"

"_She has sustained a fair amount of damage. I'm sure retreat will be ordered soon. The Gerroan have won a vital victory, sir!"_

"Good let me know when you have the Kreyole." Casius smiled hatefully at her and shut the communicator down. He placed it back into his pocket and leaned closer to her. "You see, Sarah, you trust too easily. Maybe when this is all over, you'll learn something from it."

It was Sarah's turn to smile slyly. "I already have learned something Casius."

"Oh, really? What is that?"

She leaned in closer so her lips were inches from him, enticing him. "Never to trust you." Inside of brushing her lips across his, like she knew he was desiring her to do, she took her finger and ran it over his mouth. "But it seems, Casius that you have fallen into the same trap. You trusted me to just sail on ward, not looking back. The truth is, I was looking back, always peering over my shoulder to make sure that I was two steps a head of you."

A confused look came over his face as she slithered her way out of the chair and a way from him. The communicator was beeping in his pocket. He pulled it out, realizing for the first time that she was far too confident and calm for someone who had been tracked secretly and taken from her ship suddenly. It was if she had known it was going to happen all along. "Go ahead Gaffa."

"_Sir, the Kreyole aren't here. There's nothing here sir._"

"But we saw Ravior speaking to Lieutenant Barrett through the tapped comline!" His dark eyes glared at her.

"_I know sir, I don't understand it either._"

"I do," he growled, closing the comlink down. "You set this all up didn't you," he hissed. "The Kreyole were never here. Some how you staged that message!"

"We used our holodecks to create a phony transmission. I knew you would be too occupied with finding the Kreyole to really care where the message was being transmitted from. If you had just run the proper scans you would have seen that it came from within the ship," Sarah replied, a smug little grin on her face, she knew it was irking him. "I knew from the moment I broke off the partnership with you that you wouldn't leave well enough alone, that you'd be back." She tapped her combadge. "Barrett to _Voyager._"

B'Elanna's voice filled the room. "_Go ahead Lieutenant._"

"Are our new transporters online?"

"_Yes ma'am._"

"Good, prepare to beam me back to _Voyager._" Sarah ordered.

"You would have to lower your shields for that, Miss Barrett, and then I could destroy your ship," Casius sneered.

"Another mistake, Casius, you let me and my people have free access to your ship on the way to Delvor," Sarah replied. "My chief engineer gathered enough information to come up with crude, but adequate defenses against your technology. So, we now possess transporters that can cut through both our shielding to get me out of here. _Voyager_, energize." With a final smile at Casius as the transporter beam swept her up, she said, "Game, set, match."

Casius screamed angrily and yelled into the communicator. "Destroy them!"

"_We can't sir…they've gone to warp_!"

"HOW!"

"_I…I don't know sir…they found a way to block the dampening field_."

The Supreme Commander of the Gerroan threw the communicator across the room and it shattered against the wall. He had lost, rarely did he lose, and a woman of all things had beaten him, and he was sure that their paths would later cross, but the next time he wasn't going to be so merciful on her and her ship. _Voyager _would pay for their deception eventually.

* * *

"Where the hell is _Voyager_?"

Tom Paris had known it was going to be the first question out of Kathryn Janeway's mouth when she realized that a shuttle craft, piloted by him, had come to retrieve her and not her ship. He straightened the tunic of his uniform and looked at Chakotay briefly before compiling his answer. "They should be about two days behind me. At least they were the last time I had contact with them. Which was about ten hours ago." He set a med kit down on a nearby stump. "The Doctor wants me to do a simple check up on you, Captain."

If Kathryn hadn't been so stunned to see him there, she may have argued that she was fine and order him to put the medical kit away. Instead, she numbly sat down and allowed the pilot to run a medical tricorder over her. It would at least give her the opportunity to ask about _Voyager _and what was going on. Even if Tom had not had any contact with the ship in ten hours, he still had more information than her. "Tom, does _Voyager _realize that they could be tracked by the Gerroan? If not, then we need to send them a message, have Sarah alter course before it's too late."

"I don't think it will be a problem, ma'am," Tom answered, gesturing for Chakotay that it was his turn. "Everything checks out, Captain. You're in good health considering the hell you must have been through the past two weeks."

Chakotay was certain that he saw her eyes roll as she moved away from Paris. She began to pace. "How can you be certain it won't be a problem? Did you find the device already? Did you deactivate it? Do you know that when you do deactivate the tracking device the Gerroan will be alerted to it? Then there's the possibility that they're tracking you from only a few light years out, they'd be able to easily find _Voyager _if the tracking device was deactivated. That's why we abandoned the shuttle and destroyed it. However, considering you were able to track us to Delvor, then I'm assuming that destroying the shuttle did very little."

Tom looked at Chakotay for help. He wasn't sure how to deal with a rambling Kathryn Janeway. "We were led to Delvor on the chance that you and the high prophet were there."

"High prophet?" Chakotay asked.

Tom frowned. "I guess it was another of Casius tricks to keep Sarah in line with him." He told the first officer that he was medically cleared as well, and moved to scan Tuvok, who had been silently watching the scene with Vulcan curiosity.

"You came alone Tom?" Kathryn was asking now, peering into the shuttle.

"Yes ma'am," Tom replied, running the tricorder over Tuvok. "Neelix was supposed to come along for the ride, but came down with a nasty case of the flu. The Doctor confined him to quarters. I think he was just sick of the First Councilmen."

"First Councilmen Unay was on my ship!" Kathryn nearly shouted.

Tom shut the tricorder down. "Er, it was one of the Gerroan's conditions if we were to travel to Delvor with them."

"I can't believe this, that…that puppet was on my ship!"

Chakotay cleared his throat to get her attention. Kathryn turned sharply on her heel, eyes blazing. "You know that Casius kept Unay on _Voyager _to keep a close eye on him. He wouldn't risk losing his…puppet as you so delicately put it, Captain. I'm sure that Unay was not a threat. He probably asked a lot of questions about the crew and their spiritual beliefs." He turned towards Tom, noticing that Kathryn had gone back to her pacing. He sighed; she wasn't going to calm down until she saw that her ship, and her children, were alright. "Are we clear to go, Lieutenant?"

Tom nodded his head. "Yes sir. We're going to rendezvous with _Voyager _in Fedori space."

The First Officer nodded his head and looked back at a pacing Kathryn. "Captain?" She stopped what she was doing and looked at him. "Are you ready to go, ma'am?"

Ravior had appeared next to Tuvok, arms crossed over his chest. Kathryn made eye contact with him for a moment. Something dawned on her then. "You had contact with Lieutenant Barrett this whole time, didn't you?"

The Kreyole nodded his head. "Once, immediately after Valia spoke to her. But after that, I never spoke to her again. I assumed, like you did Captain, that she, along with the rest of your crew, were killed. Apparently Lieutenant Barrett managed to out play Casius in his little game. For that, the Kreyole are grateful. It's not often that someone comes along and can beat Casius at his own game. You and your crew have surprised me Captain, you have won our allegiance."

_Small victories, _Kathryn thought, with a small nod of her head. "I suppose it's time to rejoin my crew. Tom, prepare the shuttle for take off. And get ready to send a message to _Voyager; _I want to have a little chat with Lieutenant Barrett before we get there."

"Yes, ma'am," Tom said, enthusiastically. He would never admit it out loud, but he was happy to hear her spouting off orders again. His first taste at command had nearly ended in disaster. He was much happier stepping back, for the time being anyways, and leaving Janeway and Chakotay to that job. "They should be within our range." With that he disappeared up the ramp of the shuttle and into the cabin, Tuvok following behind him.

Kathryn held her hand out to Ravior. "Thank you, for everything. We wouldn't have been able to keep ahead of the Gerroan without your help. If there is anything that you need, in the future, don't be afraid to contact us. When I get back to _Voyager _Iwill have our flight path sent to you, and methods of communications so you can get in contact with us if the need arises."

Ravior took her hand and shook it. "Thank you, again Captain. The offer is generous. I'm afraid that my people's fight, and the fight for this sector of space is far from over. If we can get more races to join our side, like the Fedori, then maybe it wouldn't feel like such a lost cause. But I'm afraid that things are not going to change until Casius is out of the picture. He is the driving force behind their hatred for races they don't consider worthy. Lieutenant Barrett may have won a critical victory for you; Casius is intrigued by anyone who can play the game with him. He might be even more determined to find your ship now and play another one, instead of destroy you at first glance." He released her hand. "I hope to cross paths with you again, Captain Janeway."

A small smile graced her tired features. "Same here, Ravior, take care." Turning about on her heel, Chakotay following behind her, they entered the shuttle. Tom informed them that they were ready to take off and that the channel to _Voyager _would be open as soon as they cleared the atmosphere. Kathryn settled herself down into the seat behind Tom, her fingers brushing over the clean terminal and familiar keys.

The tiny shuttle lifted off the surface and quickly entered the atmosphere. Kathryn knew as Tom pointed the shuttle towards _Voyager _that it was not the last time that the Federation ship would be seeing Ravior and the Kreyole again. As long as _Voyager _traveled on a close course to Gerroan space, there would come another time that they would be drawn into the bloody conflict, but the survival of her crew, and countless others were on line if they did not help in the fight. The game, as Ravior had put it, was far from over.

* * *

"We've repaired all systems, except communications," Harry Kim reported, handing Sarah Barrett a PADD.

"How long will those be down?" Sarah asked, azure eyes attempting to read the PADD, but they were heavy with exhaustion.

"It could take two to three days, ma'am."

_Two to three days? _Sarah thought dismally. Although their modified shields and weapons had kept them in the fight with the Gerroan warship for the time being, but they had not used their multiadaptive torpedoes, and it had only been one warship. They were going to have to come up with something better for the long run. _Voyager _had sustained heavy damage even with the modified shielding. Their biggest accomplishment, however, had been to break the dampening field so they could go to warp. That, she was sure, had taken Casius by surprise. It was quite possibly the best defense that B'Elanna had come up with after studying the information they had gathered from their time on the way to Delvor. "Well, just do your best Harry."

Harry nodded his head, took the PADD back from her, but didn't budge. "You need rest, Lieutenant."

Sarah shook her head, her undone curls bouncing off worn shoulders. "We haven't picked up Tom's shuttle yet. When all four of them are back safely aboard _Voyager _I'll rest."

He frowned. The Doctor had been after her to rest as well. The last few days it had become more apparent that the young woman had not had sleep in days, perhaps since the start of this whole ordeal, there were dark circles forming underneath her eyes, she didn't bother with her hair, it hung around her face, parted to one side, and her makeup was hastily done. She was drinking coffee like it was going out of style and rarely eating. Her eyes usually filled with emotion and fire, where dull, lifeless. Harry felt like relieving her of duty but wasn't sure if he had the authority to do so. It wouldn't be the first time he was tempted to try relieving her. When she had met with him after her return from Casius' ship, to explain why she had concealed her plan from him and the rest of the crew, he had seen for the first time how exhausted she truly was. He had been too stunned by her deception, not only of him and the rest of the crew, but of the Gerroan as well, that he had just sat there simply soaking it all in. Even though he understood why she had kept it quiet, so the Gerroan, listening in through a tap wouldn't get wind of what was really going, Harry had felt shunned that he had been left out.

"Counselor," a voice squeaked behind them. Sarah looked up to see Neelix standing there. "I understand that Paris has retrieved the Captain."

"Yes," Sarah replied. They had received a brief message from Tom before the communications array had blown out. "He's on his way back to _Voyager _now. Neelix, are you sure you're feeling better?"

"Never better," Neelix replied hoarsely. "In fact, I want to throw a party when the away team returns. I think this calls for celebration and the crew could certainly use a morale boaster."

Harry felt a smile touch his lips. The one thing Sarah had not lied to him about was that Neelix was indeed sick, having picked up something from the Janeway children. The last day or so he had been working in the mess hall, and claimed that the Doctor gave him a clean bill of health, except that his voice would not return for another week or so. No one could fault his enthusiasm.

Sara gestured for Neelix to sit down on the bench next to her. "Sounds like a plan to me, Neelix, but in a few minutes, hopefully, I won't be in command anymore."

"If I may say so, Lieutenant, you performed admirably," Neelix sputtered.

She shook her head. "No Neelix, I fell for his trap the first time when I shouldn't have."

"But you burned him in the end," Neelix replied, gleefully. "From what I hear, that is not an easy feat. Captain Janeway will be proud of you."

_I hope so, _Sarah thought as Ensign Lang announced that the shuttle was ready to dock. With a silent nod of her head she told the bridge crew to get to work bringing the shuttle home. Harry left the command station to take his and Sarah found herself staring at the back of Baytart's head for the longest time. It was at that moment, with the proposition of _Voyager's _command being turned back over to her rightful leaders that Sarah felt the full brunt of her exhaustion. Sleep had not come easily when she had the time to try and get it and even though she had been sleep deprived she had just kept going, kept pushing ahead. Coffee had seemed like a life saver, an energy boaster, but the last day or so even coffee wasn't helping her stay up.

She had a lot of time to reflect the past twenty four hours. She was still seething from the deception that Casius had pulled over her, she was after all a trained Starfleet officer, a psychologist, she should have seen right through him, but her emotions had clouded her judgment. When she had finally seen it, it was too late to turn back. She had to play the game. Many had told her that she had won, she wasn't so sure. On top of all the deception of the Gerroan, she had uncovered the deception of her mother. Sarah was indeed half betazoid, and the Gerroan had picked up on it when they had done their bioscan of her the first time she had been transported to the surface of New Gerroa. When she had first learned about it she had taken it in stride, she had too, she had a ship to run, a crew to maintain while they looked for the others. Now, in the quiet aftermath of their encounter with the Gerroan, Sarah had been able to dwell on it, and she had never felt more betrayed by her mother than at that moment, ever in her life.

Tom had expressed his concern for her, keeping her emotions bottled up inside of her during their trip back from Delvor. He had referenced her drug use, how she had exploded because of her determination to keep her grief to herself. He didn't want to her fall again like that.

But there was something…different about her, now, she could feel it. Perhaps it was a subtle change, but it was a change none the less. In the past she may have taken Casius deception and fallen, but this time she had fought back. This time she had refused to fall.

"Captain on the bridge!"

Harry's voice startled her slightly and she jumped to attention. Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, and Paris were stepping out of the turbolift. Janeway didn't tell them to be at ease right away, moving down the command steps towards Sarah. With a simple gesture of her hand, she ordered an at ease. Everyone went back to their work, but Sarah felt like shrinking at that moment as she was visually scrutinized by Kathryn Janeway.

"Lieutenant Paris tells me that you worked with the Gerroan for sometime," Janeway began, her eyes not conveying any emotion. "Apparently you didn't get my message ordering you to stay away from their space and fleet."

Sarah blinked, trying to recall if any message had been given to her from the Captain. She vaguely recalled Harry mentioning that they had received a transmission from Captain Janeway, but it was damaged. Harry cleared his throat, anxiously. "Ah that was my fault Captain, it was heavily damaged and I couldn't clean it up."

"No bother," Janeway replied, coolly. "It's in the past now. What I'm more interested in is how you managed to pull the wool over the master's eyes."

Sarah shrugged her shoulders. "Simple," she replied, "he was too arrogant for his own good. Ravior helped us modify the knowledge that B'Elanna had gathered from the warship, we launched a shuttle using dampened shielding so the warship following us wouldn't pick it up, and then used an old Maquis trick to hide the warp trail. While the shuttle was carrying on to pick you up, virtually undetected, _Voyager _headed for a false location. Casius was so eager to snag more Kreyole leaders that he didn't bother to do a scan to find out where the transmission from Ravior came from, which was our own holodeck."

A small grin touched Janeway's face. "Ravior told me that he had only one telepathic conversation with you, shortly after Valia's death."

"Yes," Sarah replied. "He's right."

"But, he tried again, several times. In fact, he thought that you'd been killed because neither of you had made an agreement not to speak telepathically again."

She pulled her hair back to reveal the cortical inhibitor at the base of her neck. "I was informed that the Gerroan have a way of monitoring telepathic activity as well. Ravior wasn't sure if they could do so from the distance they were following us at, so I didn't want to take my chances." She plucked the device off of her neck. She had forgotten that she was evening wearing it in her exhausted state. "I guess I don't need it anymore."

Janeway's arms slid over her chest. "There are some captains that might say your decision to lead a race as powerful as the Gerroan into a little trap like this was irrational, stupid, and downright reckless, perhaps a little unorthodox…which, if you remember correctly was why I wanted you on this ship. And it's a good thing too, because, I can't think of anyone else that could out master the master like that. Now," she said, with a smile, "get off my bridge, and get some sleep, you too Mister Paris, the two of you look like hell."

A weary smile graced Sarah's face. "Yes ma'am," she whispered, and together her and Tom stepped off of the bridge into the turbolift. "Deck six," Tom called out. The lift whirred to life and began its decent.

"Aren't you going back to your quarters?" Sarah asked, sleepily.

"Well, I figure there's one last thing that I have to do as acting first officer," Tom replied.

"And that is?"

"To make sure that the acting captain follows orders and goes to bed," Tom answered.

Sarah yawned and shook her head. "I don't think you have to worry about that. I could fall asleep right here in the turbolift," she murmured. Tom felt her cheek press against his shoulder.

"Why don't you?" he asked.

She stood up, her eyes opening, or attempting to open fully. "Because then you'd have to tuck me in a like a little child."

"You know something," Tom argued, "it's alright to admit that you need someone to take care of you every now and then."

"I don't want you think I'm weak," she whispered, tears pressing the corners of her eyes.

Tom mocked glared at her. "Sarah Barrett, do you know how stupid that sounds?"

"But it's true!"

He took her by the shoulders so he could turn her to face him. "Sarah you have never once appeared weak to me."

Sarah closed her eyes and like before, in the ready room, pressed her face into his chest. Soon she felt the dull whir of the turbolift lulling her to sleep. She woke up the next morning in her bed, still in uniform, except her boots were off, placed near the foot of the bed, neatly. "Computer, time?"

"_The time is zero nine hundred hours._"

_When was the last time I slept this late?_ Sarah thought as she slid out of bed and proceeded to the bathroom. She noticed in the mirror that she looked more refreshed than she had in days; there was even a sparkle in her eyes. All the mishaps of the past two weeks seemed to be melted away. Even the revelation that she was part betazoid seemed like it was nothing in the grand scheme of things. After a quick sonic shower and a change of uniform, Sarah was putting her boots back on when she pulled out a PADD, hidden within her shoes. _Even the strongest of people need taking care of every now and then. Don't be afraid to ask for it, okay? Tom. _With a shake of her head, she tossed the PADD onto the coffee table.

Standing up she went back into the bathroom to pull her hair back, but she had gotten as far as gathering it back into a pony tail before she realized she didn't want to be tied down to the old Sarah in anyway, shape or form, she let her hair fall from her grasp, brushed it a couple of times through, parted it slightly to one side, neatly, and clipped it with a silver barrette at the base of the part. She left her quarters that day with a different aura about her, to the naked eye she may not have been that different, but to the people that had come to know her over the past several weeks, she was extremely different. The conflict with Dellon Casius and the Gerroan had given her something that she had lacked since her time on the _Explorer; _a true challenge.

Entering her office she prepared for the mounds of work that had been sorely neglected during her tenure as captain. But first, she complied a message for Tom, to be delivered when he accessed his personal computer in his quarters. _You may have just gotten the job Paris, of being my caretaker. Sure you want it? I heard I can be difficult._

She shut the terminal down and turned towards the PADDs. Letting out a sigh she tackled them head on and was startled when, hours later, the personal computer beeped next to her. Glancing up she realized that she was receiving a transmission. _Stubborn, not difficult, and yes I want it, if you'll have me. I've heard I can be just as difficult. But…people can change you know…I'm willing…how about you?_

Sarah stared at the screen of the longest time, uncertain what to say back, then hesitantly, _Yes, I'm willing, _was her reply before she shut the computer down and called it a night.

* * *

_Captain's Log, supplemental; almost all repairs to Voyager have been made, with the exception of the communications array. Voyager is heading to a nearby Fedori space station in the hopes of finding the parts that we need. Neelix's party was a success, it certainly lifted my spirits. Everything is returning to normal. Meanwhile, Sarah's deception of Dellon Casius is causing quite a stir in this sector, and it seems shining some light onto the Kreyole's predicament. Hopefully, in the near future, that light becomes brighter._

* * *


	40. Chapter 40: Miscalculation

Disclaimers apply as usual.

A/N: Next "episode" its an original one I wrote, and I maybe bias, but I think it was the best one I wrote, haha.

* * *

_**MISCALCULATION**_

"I think," Harry Kim said to Kathryn Janeway, "We're ready to give the new engines a try, ma'am."

The Captain felt a small grin forming at the corners of her mouth. When they had stopped at the Fedori space station for repairs to their communications, their story had preceded them. They had run into another wayward traveler, having been pulled from his home as well, a scientist. He was considerably closer to home then they were, but his ship was decades behind in technology than in _Voyager. _He had proposed an intriguing plan to Janeway; if she allowed him to use her ship to do a test run on his new transwarp engines and in turn give him a ride home, he would let her have the technology free of charge._Voyager _could be home in months instead of years, three months to be precise, according to Tuvok's calculations. "Excellent work, Harry, B'Elanna, I didn't think we'd be ready so soon."

Harry beamed. "Well, with the help of Doctor Waril things have been going smoothly, so we can't take all the credit."

"Speak for yourself, Harry," B'Elanna snapped, teasingly from beside him. "We've been up twenty four seven since Doctor Waril came on board working on getting these new transwarp engines online. I think we can take a teeny bit of it, since we're the ones who acquainted the Doctor with our systems."

Janeway chuckled, holding her hand up. "Either way, nice job, Lieutenant. When can we expect the test run?"

"How does thirty minutes sound, ma'am?" Harry asked. "We just have to make some final preparations. The transwarp coils, they're crude in design compared to other species we've seen use them, and they need to be precisely aligned or we risk overloading the EPS relays. A single miscalculation and we're looking at heavy damage throughout the ship. But…" he paused briefly seeing the concerned look in Janeway's eyes, "B'Elanna and I have run at least a dozen simulations in the holodeck. And we think we're ready for any mishaps that may come our way."

"We honestly believe that we're ready to give this a try Captain," B'Elanna interjected.

For a moment Janeway didn't say anything, then with a brief nod of her head, replied, "Let's set the test run for thirteen hundred hours. That gives you thirty minutes, Lieutenant, Ensign, to get this ship ready, understood?" They both replied with a simple nod of their heads and Janeway turned about on her heel, exiting Main Engineering. She was late meeting Tal and the children in the mess hall for lunch and the thirty minutes or so that she ate with them was the only break that the young bajoran woman got throughout the day.

When she arrived in the mess hall a few moments later Tal didn't seem bothered by the fact that she was late, updated her on the behavior of her children, and disappeared. Five year old Michael was looking over a large PADD, his brow furrowed in deep concentration. Kathryn had to laugh at how much he reminded her of herself at that moment. "What are you looking at?" she asked softly, stroking Ava's hair. The baby was sitting in her lap, feeding herself something that Kathryn would rather not guess what, but Ava seemed to enjoy it.

"Tom gave me the history of warp drive to look over. He said it would be good since we're trying to make history by being the first Federation starship to successfully complete a transwarp run," Michael replied, his blue eyes not leaving the PADD. "Hey Mom, did you know that Zefram Cochrane liked something called…rock'n roll. Mom, what is that?"

Kathryn wiped the remnants of food from Ava's mouth. "I think its ancient Earth music; you'll have to ask Lieutenant Paris about that. He's the history buff not me."

Michael put the PADD down onto the table then stuffed some of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich into his mouth. "Mom," he said, crumbs tumbling out of the corners of his mouth, "if _Voyager _does travel at transwarp, does that mean we'll get home faster?"

"Much faster," Kathryn said, then instructed him to finish chewing before speaking again.

"Will we be there in time for my birthday? Grandma promised to make me a double chocolate cake," Michael replied.

"If we make a successful test run, then _Voyager _could be home in three months," Kathryn answered him. "Do the math, and answer your own question."

His face lit up. "We would be home in time for my birthday!"

"We would be," Kathryn said, softly, "But honey you have to understand, this may not work. Don't get your hopes set on that birthday cake."

"But Harry was in here last night at dinner and I overheard him say that it was almost certain we would be able to use it and get home faster," Michael replied. "He wouldn't lie would he Mom?"

Kathryn felt her heart drop. She had told Harry to be careful what he said around the crew, apparently his own excitement at the prospect of getting home was too much to contain. If this failed there was going to be a severe morale fall. Which reminded her…"Damnit," she whispered under breath as she got up. "Neelix!"

The Talaxian appeared in the galley, wearing his hat and apron. "Can I do something for you Captain?"

"Can you keep an eye on the little rug rats here," Kathryn asked, gesturing towards Michael and Ava. "At least until Tal gets back?"

Neelix smiled. "Sure thing Captain."

"It's just I have a meeting that I forgot about, and with the test run scheduled in less than thirty minutes…"Kathryn rambled, then stopped when she saw that some of the crew were peering at her with hopeful eyes. "Well, I better be going if I don't want to be late, thank you Neelix."

"Anytime, Captain," Neelix answered, gathering Ava onto his lap. Her immediate response was to start wailing. Kathryn cringed as she left the room. She was going to have to do something about Ava's tepid attitude towards males. But that was going to have to wait until a later date, and for now Neelix was just going to have to weather the storm that Ava could be. After all it was only ten or fifteen minutes.

She bounded around the corridor to find that Chakotay was already waiting for her outside of Sarah Barrett's office. "I didn't think you were coming," he said, with a grin.

"Sorry," she mumbled, "I was preoccupied."

"It's alright," Chakotay said. "Are you ready?"

Kathryn nodded her head and reached out to press the chime. She heard Sarah's voice admit them and the door slid open.

"Captain? Commander? Is something wrong?"

Kathryn shook her head. "No Sarah, mind if we sit down?"

The young counselor eyed them both for a moment, then, "Sure, make yourself at home."

Both captain and first officer lowered their bodies down onto the plus sofa that was similar to the one in Janeway's office. Sarah asked them if they wanted something to drink and when both declined, she joined them on the sofa. Kathryn eyed Chakotay for a moment, who simply gave a nod of his head, and she turned to face Sarah. "This is how we wanted you to find out about your mother, Sarah, us sitting down and telling you, not having you scanned by some hostile aliens and then finding out on your own." She handed Sarah a PADD. "These are the records of your mother's adoption. It seems that she, herself, was not informed of the ancestry until she was at least ten or eleven. Perhaps she never told you because she didn't know how."

Sarah looked at the picture of her mother as a baby. If she didn't know any better she could have sworn it was a picture of herself. "We weren't close. I always thought she kept me at bay because she was disappointed in the choices I made. I wonder now if it was because she didn't know how to tell me. I wish I could ask her."

"We both understand that this must come as a shock to you," Kathryn continued. "You haven't spoken about it since we came back on board."

The young woman shrugged her shoulders. "What's there to speak about Captain?"

"Everything that you believed about yourself has changed," Chakotay said. "That must incite something within you, anger, sadness, fear?"

"No," she said firmly. "For the first time I feel at peace with myself. I've always known that there was something different about me, when I was a child I thought it was because my mother couldn't seem to stand me, then when I got to the Academy, I was told by my roommate once that the dreams I had were unnatural. I kept my mouth shut about them after that. I never felt like I belonged with humans. I guess, I never really did. Now, now it all makes sense…I'm not human, at least not fully. Now, I'm not just some…freak…I truly know what I am."

Kathryn placed a hand gently on her knee. "And you're alright with this? Because if you aren't Sarah, don't be afraid to tell us. We're here for you, to listen to you."

Sarah smiled. There was indeed something different in her eyes, both her commanding officers could see it. Perhaps she had found the peace she had been lacking throughout her whole life. "Thank you Captain, but really I'm fine."

"_Paris__ to Janeway._"

Kathryn tapped her combadge. "Go ahead Mister Paris."

"_We're ready to make the test run ma'am._"

Eagerly Kathryn jumped to her feet. Chakotay, chuckling followed suit, then turned towards Sarah. "Coming Counselor? We're about to make history."

* * *

"Bring the transwarp coils online and set a course Mister Paris according to the coordinates that Doctor Waril gave you," Kathryn ordered five minutes later as she stepped out of the turbo lift with Chakotay and Sarah. She settled into her chair, Chakotay took his to her left and Sarah to her right. The small scientist, Waril was seated on the bench next to Chakotay. He looked a little nervous, but so wasn't everyone else, even if it was a more happy nervous than frightened. "Mister Kim, have the transwarp coils been aligned?"

"Yes ma'am," Harry replied.

"Miss Torres?"

"_We're ready down here Captain._"

Kathryn set her jaw and gripped the sides of her seat. "Alright, let's give it a shot. All hands, this is the Captain, we're going to Yellow Alert; report to duty stations." Glancing briefly at Chakotay before she looked back at the view screen, she said, "Mister Paris, engage, warp two."

Tom's fingers ran over the console. "Aye Captain, warp two."

"Miss Torres activate the transwarp coils."

"_Coils activated._"

The ship lurched forward suddenly and Waril let out a delightful little squeal. "Wonderful, Captain, I never even got this far! Simply wonderful! I will be forever grateful to you and your ship if this works and I can go home."

Tom announced that they were reaching warp eight, then nine, and then finally the ship gave a final jolt and entered transwarp. The space before them blurred into a mass of ribboning stars as Tom held the ship on a steady course. He reported that everything seemed to going well, they had entered the transwarp conduit safely and were cruising along. "We should be coming out of the conduit in ten minutes, Captain, and about twenty five light years from where we were previously." He turned a little grin on her, "Imagine if we travel like this everyday, I hope your mom is a good cook Harry, because she's going to have a hungry senior staff to feed once we get there and the new Torres Kim Waril Warp drive is created."

"I can't take all the credit Tom," Harry said, happily, "but my mom makes one heck of a chicken stir fry. I'm sure, in three months when we make it home, she'd be happy to cook for all of us."

Kathryn raised her chin slightly, not wanting to get her hopes up. Ten minutes in the transwarp conduit was nothing compared to three months. Of course, they would have to pull out every now and again to make supply runs and repairs, but if they could manage to stay in the conduit long enough, they would all be home before the next Christmas. Something was blaring a warning behind her. She turned to glance over her shoulder at Harry. "What is it Ensign?"

Harry was frowning at the console. "I'm not sure Captain. The transwarp coils are coming out of alignment. Not to worry, it can be fixed, it just requires a recalculation." His fingers began working on the controls as the ship gave a violent lurch. Kathryn went flying from her seat, her head hitting the floor with a fierce blow. Struggling to get up, she yelled for a report.

"The EPS relays are overloading," Tuvok reported from tactical.

"Harry! I thought you said you had realigned the transwarp coils," Kathryn gasped, standing up and gripping the railing behind the command station.

His faced had paled. "I did ma'am, but apparently it was too late, the coils are overheating and causing an overload in our systems." There was another explosion and someone went flying over the railing, barely missing Sarah.

"B'Elanna shut down the coils!"

"_I have to get in there manually and do it captain, it's going to take time!_"

"Do it!"

"_Yes ma'am!"_

"Oh dear," Waril sputtered next to Chakotay as another explosion, what felt like a few decks down, rocked the ship.

Tom was doing his best to kept the small starship from falling out of the conduit, which would result in even more problems. _Voyager _would be out of control if that happened. She needed to come out of the conduit on her own violation, not fall out of it. He heard something explode behind him and instinctively he ducked as a piece of bulkhead collapsed from the ceiling, nearly crushing the command station. Something beeped on his console. He looked down at it. _Damnit, not know._

"Get away from the helm Tom!" Janeway yelled.

He shook his head. He was not about to let _Voyager _crash. He just needed to give B'Elanna some time to shut the coils down and bring the ship to an all stop. _Hear that, baby, don't blow up on me just yet, okay, _he mentally told his station. He could feel the heat building underneath his finger tips as the ship finally came out of the conduit. He had just managed to engage an all stop and was getting up when the console blew. He went soaring backwards, his head hitting the piece of loose conduit that had fallen moments before. As his body was violently tossed about he could feel the bones crunching and breaking, pain shooting up through his spine. He landed several feet away from the helm and was rendered motionless.

Sarah was the one who got to him first. She was pushing the bloody pieces of hair out of his eyes. "When are you going to learn, Tom Paris, to follow orders?" she asked him, tears in her eyes.

Tom tried to smile for her, but even that hurt. "Maybe next week." _If I have a next week._

"Report!" Kathryn was bellowing, climbing over the conduit in front of her chair. She had a large gash on the left cheek and one of her hands was heavily bruised. Other than that she seemed to be all in one piece. Tom could not see where Chakotay or Waril were from his position on the floor, but if Sarah was unharmed, and Janeway's injuries were relatively minor, then Chakotay and Waril were probably fine.

"EPS conduits have blown on all parts of the ship," Tuvok was reporting. "The heaviest hit areas are decks two through six. So far three have been reported dead. The Doctor is setting up a triage in sickbay and holodeck one. Internal sensors are offline, as well as engines, shields and weapons. "

Kathryn ran a hand over her face. Then she glanced up at Sarah, Tom's head cradled in her lap. "Our first priority is getting to the injured. Sarah, help the Doctor and Kes, you have basic training. Chakotay…" She turned about looking for him, not even sure if he was alive. She felt a breath of relief escape her when the big man emerged from behind the ruble.

"Doctor Waril is dead."

Her heart fell. He had been so enthusiastic about helping her and her crew. He had been a nice person, something that Kathryn had not seen in a long time after the terrible two weeks running from Casius and the Gerroan. But now was not the time to mourn the loss of this man or the other three members of her crew. Now was the time to act. "Chakotay, I want you and Tuvok to investigate what exactly went wrong."

"Ma'am, shouldn't I help them…" Harry said, his face was still pale from shock.

Kathryn's eyes glared at him. "No Ensign, you've done enough." She hadn't meant the words to sound so harsh, but they did, and she saw Harry shrink into his chair defeated. "Get down to Engineering and assist B'Elanna." The young man nodded his head and disappeared from the bridge as a crew came to help Tom onto a stretcher. Kathryn picked her way through the debris to get to him. She grabbed a hold of his hand before they took him away to sickbay. "_Voyager _wouldn't have made it Tom, if it weren't for you. When this is all done and over with, I'm going to award you a medal of some kind, even if I have to create a new one myself."

Tom chuckled. "Thanks Captain."

She patted his hand as they took him off the bridge. Glancing around the destruction she felt like sobbing. There was such a mess to clean up. Rather than taking time away from their journey home, it looked like this was going to add time to their travels. _So much for Michael getting that birthday cake, _she thought with sadness.

"_Neelix to the bridge!_"

His voice sounded more anxious than ever and it made Kathryn nervous. "Go ahead Neelix, are you alright down there?"

"_I have massive casualties in the mess hall. One of the bulkheads collapsed, burying several tables. We're attempting to get to the crew now…Captain…the baby was under there._"

The room spun in front of her as she threw herself into a turbo lift, not even aware that Chakotay, Sarah, and Tuvok had joined her. Kathryn tried to regulate her breathing as she flew towards the mess hall. Nothing could have prepared the four officers for what they saw. The ceiling had collapsed entirely in one area of the mess hall. Neelix and several other crew members were digging, trying to get to the people trapped underneath. Michael was huddled to the side, a frightened look upon his tiny face. Seeing the tangled mass of conduits and piping and bulkheads made her legs give out, Kathryn staggered forward as her officers brushed past her. Sarah grabbed a tricorder from a nearby med kit and Chakotay and Tuvok went to lend a hand in getting the ruble off of the people trapped underneath.

"I'm picking up three life signs underneath here, very faint," Sarah announced.

"The baby?" Chakotay asked, throwing a piece of debris aside.

Sarah's face fell. "I…I'm not sure."

Neelix was shaking badly now. "She was just walking around, studying the crew and the room. That's it, and then there were explosions and the room was caving in. I…I didn't have time to get to her before…before she was gone…"

Kathryn was pulling something from the ruble. The officers recognized it as Ava's blanket. It was dirty and there was blood spattered on it. The woman pressed the blanket to her face then, soaking in its smell. The others half expected her to burst into tears at that moment, but she numbly thumbed the blanket. Sarah whispered to Neelix to help the Captain and he led her away from the debris. The younger woman now leaned down where the blanket had been pulled from. "Chakotay, here, she's under here!"

The first officer whirred around and started to pull away the large piece of conduit. "Tuvok," he said, struggling with it. The Vulcan stepped over and together the two pulled the bulkhead away. Chakotay looked down to see the baby, body twisted amongst the mess, unconscious. For the briefest of moments he thought the child was dead, and then Sarah said that her life signs were fading. He didn't hesitate; he pulled the child out of the debris, at the same moment that Kathryn let out a strangled cry from her chair. She attempted to pull her daughter from Chakotay's arms. "Captain, we need to get her to the Doctor."

Sarah and Neelix were now trying to hold the woman back. "Captain," Sarah pleaded, "please, it's going to be okay. The Doctor will take care of her."

The shock was starting to wear away now as the reality set in for Kathryn Janeway. Her daughter had been critically wounded, quite possibly wouldn't survive, and it was her fault for ordering the transwarp coils to be installed. She wanted to cradle Ava in her arms at that moment, tell her it was alright, that her mother was there, but Chakotay was gone, running to a turbolift, and the others were trying to keep her at bay. She struggled against them before she felt a hypospray against her neck and the room went black.


	41. Chapter 41

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

* * *

Tom Paris lazily opened his eyes to stare up at the ceiling of the sickbay. He was laying on a biobed, a blanket draped over his aching body. He could hear the buzz of machines and people moving about him. Turning his head slightly he could make out the forms of other patients lying on mats on the floor. Some of them didn't look to be too bad, but he couldn't be sure from his position. He turned his head again to look up at the drab ceiling, recalling how when Neelix had been attacked by the Viidians he had complained of the same ceiling. Tom quirked a grin, the Talaxian was right, the ceiling was awful.

"How are you holding up Tom?" a voice asked. He turned his eyes to see Kes standing over him, running a medical tricorder over his body.

"Alright, I guess, considering," he answered. "How bad am I?"

"You've got several broken ribs, third degree plasma burns, a concussion," Kes started to list off.

"That bad huh?" Tom interrupted her as the doors to sickbay swished open.

"I've got an emergency here!" Chakotay shouted.

Immediately Tom felt the commotion around him as people began to move about. He heard the Doctor tell someone to clear the surgical biobed. Kes was gone from his side, a horrified look on her face. Struggling Tom pulled his aching body up onto his elbows and immediately wished that he hadn't. Chakotay was laying a motionless Ava down onto the surgical biobed. He felt his stomach lurch at the sight of her small body, broken and bleeding. _Oh god, not the baby, please not the baby. _

The Doctor was running a medical tricorder over her. "Kes, bring me a blood gas infuser."

"Yes Doctor," Kes mumbled, running to retrieve the device that the hologram had requested. She returned a few minutes later handing the device to the Doctor then moved off to the side to stand besides Chakotay while the Doctor placed the device on Ava. On the screen behind her she could hear the child's heart beat steadying as oxygen began to enter her body more easily.

The hologram now raised the arches, his brow furrowed. "She's sustained massive internal damage. Her lungs have collapsed, several broken ribs, and a ruptured spleen, she's bleeding internally. Also, she has massive swelling of the brain, if I don't operate to stop that soon, she'll die."

Chakotay felt his last bit of resolve fading away. It was one thing to watch a member of your crew die, they had been doing their jobs, but to watch a child, who was nothing but an innocent bystander die, it was something no training at the Academy had prepared him for. Ava looked small and lost underneath the arches and he was relieved that Kathryn was not here to see it. Already seeing her child hurt had taken a toll on her. He was surprised that she had not burst into the room after him. He assumed that Tuvok and Sarah sedated her, because quite frankly he didn't see them stopping her any other way. "What about the rest of the crew? Is anyone more seriously hurt that you can't start working on her right away?"

The Doctor's eyes flickered up to gaze at Tom for a moment. "At the present time, she is the most serious, but anyone of the crew that has been critically wounded could take a turn for the worst. Right now, Ava is in the most serious need. She is going to need several operations. Being so young I cannot go in and repair all the damage right away," the Doctor replied. "But even then I don't know if she'll survive."

"Make her your priority."

"I need the Captain's consent to operate on her; she is after all a minor."

"Just perform the damn operation!" Chakotay yelled. The room fell silent as all eyes fell on the shaken first officer. He took a shuddering breath to calm himself. "Perform the operation; I'll deal with the Captain."

"Yes sir," the hologram replied, ordering Kes to prepare for surgery. Chakotay turned about on his heel and proceeded to leave the room, glancing once at a stricken looking Tom before disappearing.

Tom flopped back down onto the biobed and resumed looking up at the drab ceiling. His heroics on the bridge didn't seem to matter anymore; it hadn't stopped Ava from getting hurt. He pressed his fist to his forehead for a moment. Maybe if he had been able to get _Voyager _out of the conduit faster, then the baby wouldn't have been hurt. The truth was, he knew it was impossible to know when exactly the ceiling had collapsed. And if he had tried sooner to pull the ship out, it was possible they'd all be dead. Still, the thought of losing Ava was killing him.

"Here there flyboy," a voice said, sadly.

His eyes found Sarah's face standing next to him, dirty and sweaty. "Hey," he whispered back.

Her hand brushed the hair out of his eyes. "How are you holding up?"

Tom shrugged. "I've been better," he said. Slowly he let out a breath, trying to grasp where everything had gone wrong. "I don't understand, Sarah; Harry, B'Elanna, Doctor Waril, and I must have down a hundred simulations of the test run in the holodeck before deciding that it was time to do it for real. What went wrong?"

"No matter how many scenarios you prepare for, there's always one you aren't ready for," Sarah replied. "My father used to say that all the time."

"Yeah, well, I don't think he would make all this out to be so simple," Tom grumbled. "He isn't lying here with broken ribs, a concussion, third degree plasma burns, and who knows what else, I stopped Kes before she could continue. It sounded like she was reading off a grocery list."

"A what?"

"A grocery list, you know, people on Earth used to have to shop for food in a store before replicators were invented," Tom supplied. "They made little lists of what they needed and went about once a week."

" How strange."

Tom quirked a grin as Kes came back over. "The Doctor wants me to make sure that you're all set before he begins to operate on Ava…the operation is going to take well over two hours," their Ocampa nurse said, looking despaired. "Are you in any pain Tom?"

He shook his head. "None at all," he replied. "The medicine must be working." He noticed that Sarah and Kes' eyes met in a tentative glance. "What?" he asked, "What's wrong?"

Sarah swallowed bile that had risen in her throat. "Your spinal cord was injured during the explosion. The Doctor has induced paralysis until he can better diagnose your injuries. Tom…the Doctor says…or he thinks anyways…that it can be repaired."

"Thinks it can be repaired? You mean I might be paralyzed like this for the rest of my life?"

"It's not as bad as it sounds," Sarah tried comforting him.

He shook his head. "If you were lying here it would be different, you'd feel the same way. I may never walk again Sarah, what use am I going to be on this ship if I can't walk? You might as well just confine me to my quarters for the rest of the trip."

"Tom Paris," Sarah said, "Stop talking like that. You are not useless, and even if you won't be able to walk again, that hasn't stopped people in the past from doing extraordinary things. You'll learn to live with it." He felt her hand slip into his. "I'll be there to help you, I promise Tom. No matter what, I'll be there."

Tom closed his eyes for a moment. In all his life he had never felt so vulnerable, so unsure of where life was taking him. "I feel helpless Sarah. I thought I was doing the right thing by not moving away from the helm. Was I, does it matter? Look at what's happened, four people are already dead, several more are in critical condition, and…worst of all, Ava may die. Sweet, innocent Ava, what did she do to deserve this, Sarah? Please, tell me…I need answers…I need direction. I feel like…there's no end to this dark road." He opened his eyes then to look at her. She was crying silent tears and took her free hand, pressing it to his face. He felt the warmth of her touch underneath his cold cheek and wished that he could just bask in that warmth forever.

"It's going to be alright Tom," she said, simply. "You should rest. When you wake up I'm sure the Doctor will have more information on your condition, and you'll feel better once you've rested." She gave Kes a small nod of her head and the young Ocampa brought over a hypospray with a sedative in it to help Tom go to sleep. She pressed it to the fleshy part of his neck, between burns that she had yet to heal with a dermal regenerator, and gave the young pilot the medicine.

He squeezed her hand, as if holding onto it for dear life. "Stay with me Sarah, please."

"I'll be here when you wake up," she whispered, stroking his cheek affectionately. He felt his eyes slip shut at the comforting gesture and plunged into a world of dreams haunted by the disaster.

* * *

Harry Kim stared lifelessly at the console. He was supposed to be helping B'Elanna fix the engines but he found that his mind just could not focus. B'Elanna noticed it as well and came to stand besides him, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright, Harry?" she asked, softly, so only he could hear.

He shook his head. "This is my fault. I didn't make the recalculations fast enough. Tom…sacrificed for all of us, staying at the helm as long as he did. If he hadn't I'm sure _Voyager _would have tumbled out of the conduit and been destroyed. Doctor Waril is dead, along with three other crew members and who knows how many more are injured. You should have seen the way Captain Janeway looked at me; it was as if…she was disgusted with me. I wanted to help Tuvok and Chakotay find out what went wrong, and she said I had done enough. _I had done enough. _Dear God B'Elanna, I nearly destroyed her ship."

"Harry, don't come down so hard on yourself, I helped you on the modifications, Doctor Waril, and Tom all helped with the modifications as well, the blame can be passed around, besides, " B'Elanna said, rubbing his shoulder, "the Captain didn't mean what she said. She's under a lot of stress right now I'm sure. There's a lot that has to be repaired, but it can be repaired. It could have been worse."

Harry shook with anger, despair. "Worse? B'Elanna, how much worse can it get than this? Look around you! Look at the destruction! This could take weeks to repair!"

"And we'll get it done," B'Elanna snapped. "We'll make do."

He wished he could believe that but the image of Tom's body being flown helplessly into the air and knocking into the debris near the command station still was fresh in his mind. Then there was the bruised hand on Captain Janeway, the gash across her cheek, the anger in her eyes, anger at him. Doctor Waril was dead, crushed underneath the bulkhead that had collapsed from the bridge ceiling. B'Elanna was right about one thing, he supposed, it could have been worse; Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay, and Sarah Barrett all could have been killed when the bulkhead had collapsed. They had been lucky on that front. But he still couldn't get over his mishap. Shaking his head he tried to focus on his work, but found it nearly impossible. "I need to see Tom," he announced to B'Elanna.

She was working on a nearby power coupling. "I'll go with you," she said, closing the bulkhead.

"You don't have too," Harry argued.

"I want too," she replied. "You need moral support right now, and well, Sarah's standing in as nurse and Tom is in no shape to be your shoulder to lean on, I guess that falls to me. Harry, I'm your friend, let me help you out, okay?"

"Okay…thanks, B'Elanna," he whispered, leading the way out of engineering. They silently rode the turbo lift up to deck five. When they stepped out into the corridor the destruction that greeted them was far worse than any in the lower decks. Harry felt bile rising in his throat as he watched crews trying desperately to pull back debris and clear paths to sickbay. He heard someone mumble that they still had two people in the mess hall to dig out, and that there were several trapped in quarters on deck four. _What have I done? _He thought miserably as they entered sickbay. Those thoughts turned worse when he saw who the Doctor was operating on; Ava Janeway.

Sarah was leaning against the bulkhead next to Tom's bed, Neelix was giving water and rations to the wounded on the floor, and Kes was assisting the Doctor. From where Harry and B'Elanna stood it looked like he was operating on her brain. Harry felt like dying at that moment. If he felt like he had let Captain Janeway down before, he certainly felt that way now, watching the hologram operate on her daughter. Sarah moved from the wall towards them; no doubt sensing his horrible thoughts. It was going to take him sometime to get used to the fact that she had that ability.

"Harry," she whispered, "stop blaming yourself."

"I…I can't…" he stammered, eyes fixed on the surgical biobed. "How…how bad is she?"

Sarah glanced over shoulder. "Several broken bones, collapsed lungs, massive swelling of the brain…it isn't good, she may not survive."

B'Elanna wrapped her arm around Harry's steadying. "Harry…you couldn't have stopped this…"

"No!" He shouted, causing Kes, Neelix, and the Doctor to look up startled. "I could have! And I failed!"

"Harry…"

"Stop trying to reason with me B'Elanna! It's my fault! MINE!"

Sarah was glaring at him. "Don't make me sedate you too," she growled. "Pull yourself together. Mistakes happen, miscalculations happen, Harry! It's what we take from them, learn from them that matters. Now, I'm ordering you to stop with the self pity and get back to work! Captain Janeway is going to need us all at peak, do you understand me?"

"Y-yes ma'am," he stuttered, looking like she had just slapped him in the face. "I just needed to see Tom."

"He's sleeping right now," Sarah replied. "When he wakes up, I'll let you know, alright? I'm sure he's going to need your support before his operation."

Harry nodded his head. "Alright. Operation?"

Her face softened. "The Doctor has to operate on his spinal column if he has a chance to walk again. He was lucky, actually, that the blast didn't break his neck when he hit the debris. But, he isn't out of the woods yet."

If Tom didn't make it, Harry wasn't sure what he would do. Tom was his best friend, his confident. If he died because of Harry's miscalculation, then Harry knew that he would never forgive himself. "If he dies…Sarah…I can't…I'll never forgive myself."

Sarah patted his arm, gently. "He's got a good chance of survival. He just needs to make it through that operation. Harry, do you believe in any spiritual being?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Not really. Why?"

"Because I'd start praying for this entire crew if I were you," Sarah replied, turning about to look at the surgical biobed, "because we're going to need all the help we can get."

* * *

Chakotay sighed and leaned forward, burying his tired face in his hands. It had only been two hours since the Doctor had started operating on Ava, but if felt like years. Glancing up he caught sight of the limp form lying on the bed. Kathryn had woken up once since he had taken up Tuvok's vigil. She had been groggy at first, asking what had happened, and then before he could even get it out, she had screamed, lunging for the doors. He had ordered the computer to lock them, tried to calm her down before eventually sedating her again. He didn't blame her though, for going into a rage; he himself had felt the need to scream and lose control when he had been in sickbay. If there was one thing that he shared in common with Kathryn was his need for control.

Right now things were spiraling out of control. Not only had the test run failed but everything, with the exception of emergency power and life support had been damaged in some way. It had taken another hour to pull the other two people from the debris in the mess hall, one of them had been dead, the other, close to it. That was five dead and counting and they had yet to break through to the quarters that had been damaged on deck four. In short, their day filled with hope and anticipation had suddenly turned into a nightmare.

There was a stirring from the bed, but Kathryn didn't wake up. Chakotay prayed silently that the Doctor would finish the operation with promising results before Kathryn woke up again. He wasn't sure if he could sedate her one more time. The first time had been difficult; the second time would be torture.

"_Doctor to Commander Chakotay._"

He felt his heart stop beating for a moment before it began to thunder in his chest. He tapped his combadge with a shaky hand. "Go ahead, Doctor."

"_Ava has survived the first operation. I must say, we have a very resilient little baby on board, there were several times when I thought we'd lose her—._"

"Doctor! Just get to the point!" Chakotay snapped, not in the mood for the hologram's ramblings.

"_Very well then, have it your way Commander. She survived the first operation. The swelling in her brain is starting to reduce but I have had to induce a coma to keep her alive, as for now, I need to take care of Lieutenant Paris before I do anymore work on Ava. I have scheduled her next operation, to repair the collapsed lungs and remove the ruptured spleen, for tomorrow morning. I'm assuming that you will be the one to inform the Captain?_"

Chakotay looked up at the slumped form on the bed. "Yes," he replied, then looking at his hands once more, "keep me informed about Lieutenant Paris, she'll want to be appraised on his situation as well."

"_I understand, Doctor out._"

_Well, Chakotay, she's made it through the first operation, possibly the most crucial. Now if only she can hang on, she's so small, _he thought miserably as he became aware of movement from the bedroom. He knew that the conversation with the Doctor would wake her up, he just didn't know what kind of state she was going to be in when she did wake up.

In the bedroom Kathryn Janeway felt groggy. She opened her eyes to find that she was lying on her side in her quarters. The personal pictures that had resided on her nightstand were not there anymore and it took her several seconds to figure out why. Then the memories of the failed test run hit her in waves. The death of Waril on the bridge, Tom Paris sailing through the air when he refused to leave his post and the console blew; Ava's small body being pulled from the wreckage of the mess hall; a sob escaped as she struggled to sit up. She didn't know how long she had been out of it, she was sure that Tuvok and Sarah had used a heavy sedative on her. For all she knew her daughter was dead.

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed she heard the crunching of glass underneath her boots. Glancing down she saw the picture of Ava, her favorite one, the baby was sitting in a flower bed in Indiana, smiling a fairly toothless grin, with the exception of two incisors in the front. Kathryn leaned down and picked the broken frame up, brushing away the shattered glass. Her baby seemed so carefree in this picture, taken just months before her mother had been given the command of _Voyager. _Holding the picture in one hand, she pressed her other hand to her mouth, trying to muffle her sobbing. She had survived the death of Bryan by plunging herself into her work and raising Michael, but nothing, not even Starfleet training could prepare her for the loss of her child.

She felt someone sit down onto the bed with her. She didn't have to look to know it was Chakotay. His arm slipped around her, cradling her comfortingly against his shoulder. The other hand reached out to take the frame. "I spoke to the Doctor."

Her tear filled eyes snapped up to meet his, wondering if he was about to tell her that Ava had not made it. "And?" her voice was weaker than she had been expecting. She hated sounding weak, especially in front of him. "Chakotay, please tell me she's alright."

"She suffered massive trauma, Kathryn, I'm not going to hide that from you," Chakotay replied. "The Doctor and Kes have operated on her once already, to reduce swelling in her brain, but she's in an induced coma, and the Doctor still has at least one more operation to perform on her. I have to admit, she's a fighter, when he told me how severe her injuries were, I didn't see her making it beyond the first operation."

Kathryn gave him a soft, sad smile. "She was born premature. She's always been a fighter."

"Or just stubborn like her mother?"

Even in her groggy, frazzled state, she managed to give him one of her distinctive glares. "I'll pretend you didn't say that." With great effort she pulled her weary form off of the bed and punched in the access code to the room just off of hers. Chakotay stood as she went inside and from where he was standing he could make out a crib, Starfleet issued. _You would think they could at least make a nice crib, _he thought as Kathryn emerged from the nursery carrying a pink afghan and a teddy bear. "I…I'm going down to sickbay. Ava will be more comfortable if she has her afghan and teddy bear."

Chakotay wanted to remind her that the baby was in a coma, but thought better of it. "Alright, I'll go with you," he said. "Maybe the Doctor, or Kes can take a look at your hand. It looks like it hurts."

Kathryn gazed at the dark purple and navy blue contusion that spread all over her left hand. She had forgotten all about it the moment Neelix told her that her baby was trapped. "Now that you mention it, it does." She started for the door, but stopped and spun to look at him. "Michael?" her voice was edged with concern. She couldn't even remember seeing him in the mess hall in her panicked state.

"With Tal," Chakotay replied. "They're hanging out in her quarters."

She nodded her head, thankful he had been quick thinking; she did not want her son to see her this way. "Alright, let's go," she tried saying in her best command voice, but it faltered as the butterflies began to creep into her stomach. Kathryn knew that no matter how much she tried to mentally prepare herself to see Ava, nothing was going to help.

Together first officer and captain silently left the quarters and moved towards a turbolift. Kathryn noted the crew working tirelessly on conduits in the corridors, cleaning up debris, trying to get their ship sea worthy again. Some of them had minor injuries, and all of them were covered in sweat and grim. When this was over she was going to have to issue a shore leave. If only they could find a planet of allies instead of enemies for a change of pace so she could issue shore leave. Inwardly she sighed as they stepped into the lift. Things had gone downhill and fast. She suddenly thought of Sarah, how earlier that morning the young woman seemed to be handling her newfound ancestry in stride. Kathryn wondered what adding a morale fall like this was going do to her confidence. _This really was bad timing, _she thought as they made their way out of the lift.

Deck five was just like deck three; conduits open being repaired, people cleaning up debris, helping the wounded. She stopped just outside the sickbay doors, afraid to go inside. Chakotay's hand gently touched her elbow. "Kathryn? Are you ready?"

She took a deep breath trying to calm herself. "Nothing can prepare me for what I'm about to see, Chakotay."

"It's alright, Kathryn, I'll be here."

Simple words had never meant so much. With his hand to guide her they entered sickbay. It was relatively quiet. The Doctor or Kes and Sarah had treated all the minor injuries and sent people on their way, back to their quarters to rest. The only ones that remained in sickbay were the ones that were severe. Tom Paris was sleeping on the biobed next to the wall that separated the surgical biobed from the rest of the room. Ensign Parsons was sitting on the one next to him, blood pouring down one side of his face, while Kes worked a dermal regenerator on him. Behind him was an unconscious crewman, whose name was failing Kathryn at the moment. Sarah was running a medical tricorder over her. Kathryn noticed that the young counselor's eyes drifted up to see the command team standing there.

"Captain Janeway?"

Kathryn ignored her concerned voice and looked about the room for the baby. It didn't take her long to see that the Doctor had replicated a special medical crib for her and that it was situated close to his office. Ava looked fragile in that crib, wearing blue medical robes and hooked up to every medical device imaginable. She moved towards the crib now, knowing very well that all eyes that were open were upon her. That didn't matter to her, she didn't care, she just had to see Ava up close, to touch her, to make sure that she was indeed real and still clinging to life.

Yanking the Starfleet issued blanket out of the crib and tossing it to the floor, Kathryn tucked the soft pink afghan around the baby. "How's that my little bird? Better?" She could see Ava's eyes moving underneath her lids, but they didn't open to look at her. She put the teddy bear down. "I brought your musical bear too, the one that you like to listen to when you go to sleep. He's here to help you be brave." She brushed the hair away from Ava's face. "Just keep fighting, my little bird, please just keep fighting," Kathryn whispered, tears on the verge of escape.

Out of the corner of his eye Chakotay saw Sarah move into the Doctor's office. He heard the hologram give a yelp protest when she accessed his personal computer. A few seconds later she came out into the main room, holing a PADD in her hand. She held out to Kathryn, tentatively as the Doctor burst from the office with a scowl. "Captain, I remember something my mother once told me, about patients in comas," Sarah started, eyeing the Doctor. "She said that they can still hear people. Maybe...maybe Ava would like you to read her a story."

The Doctor let out a frustrated sigh. "An old wife's tale, Captain. You can't believe such nonsense."

"No, I'd like to do it," Kathryn said, a faint smile touched her lips as she took the PADD.

Chakotay could see the Doctor open his mouth to protest some more, but cleared his throat to stop him. "Perhaps we could move Ava's crib into the privacy of the lab, Doctor?"

"Very well, but let's make it quick, shall we Commander? I'm about to operate on Mister Paris," the hologram snapped. The first officer noticed Sarah roll her eyes as he went to help the Doctor wheel the small crib out of main sickbay, through the office, and back into the small confines of the lab. Kathryn followed behind them. A moment later Chakotay and the Doctor emerged.

"How bad is Tom?" Chakotay was asking.

"I've had to induce paralysis so he doesn't injure his spinal cord anymore, right now it looks like a simple case of realigning his spinal column," the Doctor replied. "However, his other injuries are putting him at risk for this operation. Under normal circumstances this would be a fairly minor procedure, but he's suffered a good amount of trauma himself. He may not survive the operation."

Chakotay found himself frowning. "If this isn't a simple case of realigning his spinal column…then what?"

"There will be nothing I can do, he will be paralyzed."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Chakotay breathed, solemnly.

"He's lucky to be alive, that should be enough for him."

"That's easy for you to say, Doctor, you'll never know what it's like to be in pain, or be afraid," Sarah snapped. "Besides, if he can't walk that means he has to give up a fair amount of his independence; humans have been known to not do that so easily. If this isn't a simple problem that can be fixed then he's in for a long emotional battle."

The hologram was frowning at her. "Just because I'm not programmed to feel pain or to be afraid doesn't mean I don't understand this situation, Lieutenant Barrett. I am fully aware of the psychological effects this could have on Mister Paris."

"How long will the procedure take?" Chakotay interrupted.

"About an hour."

"Get started," the first officer ordered. "I'll be helping out on the bridge." He swiftly turned about on his heel and left the room.

The Doctor was just about to prepare for the operation when Tom's voice called out, "Hey Doc, how long do I have to lie here like this?" The hologram turned to see that Tom was propping himself up on his elbows.

"Quite possibly the rest of your life," the Doctor replied, before disappearing into his office, not noticing the young pilot's face pale.

Tom fell back onto the biobed as Sarah commed Harry and told him to report to sickbay. As she moved closer to Tom's biobed she could see him staring emotionlessly up at the ceiling. She took his hand and gave it a squeeze. "Don't listen to him, Tom," she instructed. "He's just cynical. Have a little faith, alright?"

He sighed. "I wish I could, but nothing ever seems to go right in my life."

"We all feel that way at one point or another," Sarah pointed out. "Tom, things are going to get better."

The doors to sickbay swished open and Harry stepped in. If it was possible, he looked even more depressed then the last time he had been down there to see Tom. With his shoulders slumped slightly he moved towards the biobed and stood on the other side, trying to give Tom a warm smile. "Hey buddy, how are you?"

"I've been better," Tom grumbled.

"Well, the Doc is going to put you back together, no worries," Harry said, trying to sound reassuring.

"If I even make it through the operation," Tom replied, then seeing the horrified look on Sarah's face, "Oh come on Sarah, I've been around sickbays and starships long enough to know how these things work. I could die on that operating table. And you know what, I'm not even sure it matters anymore. Maybe that's for the best."

Sarah's eyes became angry. "Stop talking like that Tom! You're not going to die!"

"She's right, Tom, just try to relax, think positive," Harry quipped.

"Positive? The ship is practically in pieces, and you want me to think positive?"

His friend frowned, but said nothing.

"I don't have anything to come back too, Harry," Tom lamented.

"If the three of you are done debating life," the Doctor interrupted, "we really should begin now."

Sarah looked up to see the hologram standing at the foot of the biobed, Kes slightly behind him. She wasn't ready for them to start yet, she had to get Tom in an emotionally sound state before he was given the sedative. Her mother had always told that the will to live played a huge factor in a patient's survival. Sarah knew that the Doctor would scoff at that, but throughout the years she had seen it. She had seen it when she severed Borg drones from the Collective. Many had thought that they would just shrivel up and die, but that had not been the case, they had fought the impossible odds against them and many had regained their independence. Tom needed a sense of survival now. So she did the only thing she could think of, as Kes came to press the hypospray to his neck, she kissed him. Not a deep one, just pressed her lips to his, let them linger for a moment, then pulling away, as he slipped into unconsciousness, whispered, "Now you have to come back."

* * *


	42. Chapter 42

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

* * *

"Lieutenant Barrett," a hand was shaking her awake.

Sarah opened her eyes and blinked into the bright lights of sickbay. Apparently main power had been restored since she had fallen asleep in a chair besides Tom's biobed. Kes was standing over her, still wearing the same peach colored outfit that she had had one the day before. _Day before? Has it really been twenty four hours? _"The Doctor needs you to treat the minor injuries from deck four."

The counselor stretched and uncurled her body from the chair. Grabbing a medical tricorder from the tray nearby Tom's bed she peered at him for a moment. He had survived the surgery but it remained to be seen if he would walk again. The Doctor had kept him asleep after the surgery and Sarah had pulled up a chair just in case Tom woke up during the course of the night. But he hadn't and she had slept in an awkward position for at least five hours, she estimated. Her senses told her that she wasn't the only one who had slept in a chair that night; Captain Janeway's presence was still strong and Sarah knew she had spent the night in the lab with Ava.

With a frustrated sigh she began to treat the first patient, a rather chatty Crewmen Chell. "I was just doing routine maintenance on a power coupling when the roof was suddenly caving in! I was lucky to get out of there alive Counselor! Crewmen Wright, well he wasn't so lucky, poor guy, he was right near me too when it happened, he didn't even have a chance."

Sarah closed her eyes. _Six dead and counting, _she made a mental note. _How many more were going to be added to that list? _"You're fine Chell, minor laceration on your cheek. I'll go get the dermal regenerator and begin working on that, okay?" As she went to retrieve the instrument she noticed that Kes was peering at her thoughtfully. It unsettled her slightly. "Something wrong Kes?"

Kes shook her head. "No, nothing. I was just thinking about how close you and Tom have become over the past two months."

"And?"

"And I was thinking how wonderful it would be for both of you," Kes replied, smiling at her. "I know all of you cling to the hope of getting back to Earth, but what if we don't, it would be nice if you all started making lives for yourselves out here, would that be so bad, Counselor?"

Sarah stared at the instrument in her hands. She didn't bother to tell Kes that there wasn't much a life for her to go back too, nor was there much for Tom to go back too, but in a way, the young Ocampa was right; perhaps it was best for all of them if they started to make this journey not just into a journey or fight for survival, but into a life. "No, I guess it wouldn't." Spinning about she quickly went to treat Chell's injury and send the irritating Bolian on his way. As she moved onto the next patient, second degree plasma burns to the arms and hands, she peeked over her shoulder again at first a sleeping Tom, then at a working Kes, then back to Tom. _Who am I kidding? Things could never work out between us, we're too much alike! _

Shaking her head to clear the troubling thoughts, she finished up healing the second patient, sent her on her way, and moved onto the next. For an hour this is how she operated, fixing minor injuries while the Doctor worked on Ava and the more severe. But when the last patient was gone, she found the thoughts returning again. She had kissed him in the moment, hoping that it would give him something to cling too while he was being operated on, but it had been impulsive. Or had it?

Her mother would argue that love in general was impulsive. _Oh god, love, is that what I feel for him? _Again she shook her head trying to clear the thoughts. There was more important work to do, like repairing the ship, helping the injured. She could not be dwelling on thoughts of love or her attraction to Tom. She felt like she could explode with emotions at that point. And then something Janeway had said to her, what felt like years ago, popped into her mind; _we're here for you, to listen to you. _She had been talking about her and Commander Chakotay of course, but the idea was inviting at this moment.

Looking about the room she determined that she wouldn't be missed for a while and slipped through the office into the lab. Janeway was sitting in a chair, a stack of PADDs in her hand, trying to keep busy while her daughter went through her second operation in just as many days. "Captain?" Sarah asked, softly, approaching Janeway. "Can I…can I talk to you?"

Janeway looked up at her with soft eyes. Seeing the desperate look on the young woman's face, she placed the PADDs down and gestured for Sarah to sit in the other chair. "Of course, what's on your mind Sarah?"

"I guess…I guess I'm feeling rattled, everything that's happened," Sarah mumbled, casting her eyes downward. She felt Janeway's hand reach out and pat her knee softly.

"I know, it's been terrifying, difficult, but I'm confident this crew is going to pull through," Janeway replied.

Sarah raised her eyes then. "For someone whose daughter's life is on the line, you seem…at peace."

Janeway shrugged her shoulders. "I have never seen a crew pull together quite like this one has. Our situation is unique to any crew out there, yes, but still, you have to admit that everything we have been through has made us stronger, closer. We look out for one another and I have no doubt that will continue. I have faith that they'll see my daughter through her battle. And not to mention, this crew genuinely cares for each other. You slept here last night, didn't you, next to Tom's bed; you've provided a prime example for me as to why this crew is special." Her eyes searched the young woman's face for a moment. "Is this about Tom?"

Sarah had no doubt that Janeway had heard about her kissing Tom before he went into surgery. Again her eyes cast downward. "I felt he needed something…anything to live for before he went into that operation. I…was stupid and impulsive and…I shouldn't have…done what I did."

"Do you care about him?"

"Yes, but—."

"What's the problem then?" Janeway asked softly. She grabbed onto the young woman's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Protocol—," Sarah sputtered.

Janeway stopped her. "Sarah, how do you think your parents met? They were both in Starfleet, were they not? And did they not meet on a ship that each of them were assigned to for quite some time?" the older woman asked her. She waited until Sarah nodded her head before continuing. "There you see, it's not unheard of for fellow officers…to have feelings…for one another. And if we are out here seventy five years, wouldn't you rather live your life in the moment then on a perchance that we'll see Earth again?"

The younger woman looked up at her with a small grin. "Has anyone ever told you, you'd make a good ship's counselor?"

"Even the ship's counselor needs a shoulder to cry on," Janeway replied, touching Sarah's cheek briefly in a motherly gesture. "I'm glad that you came to me, Sarah."

"I am too, ma'am."

The ship suddenly lurched, a console sparked near by the two women and they staggered to their feet. Suddenly they were tumbling through the office violently as _Voyager _was rocked with weapon's fire. Janeway was tapping her combadge. "Bridge, report!" There was nothing but static on the other end. "Communications must still be down," the Captain mused, instructing Sarah to follow her. "We need to get to the bridge." With a fleeting glance at the surgical biobed where the Doctor was working tirelessly on Ava, Janeway disappeared through the doors, the counselor right behind her. She hated leaving Ava, but duty called. Besides, she thought morbidly, the baby wasn't even going to know she had been there at all let alone that she had left.

As the two women got into the turbolift, Sarah said, "Someone must have decided to take advantage of our crippled state. We've made our fair share of enemies out here, the Gerroan, the Kazon; it was only a matter of time before it came back to haunt us I suppose."

"Let's hope that we have enough of a ship to hold together to make it through this one," Janeway said as the lift doors opened out onto the bridge. She noticed a timid looking Ensign Lang standing at Operations. Red alert had been initiated and that meant Harry Kim was probably making his way to the bridge now. "Commander, report!"

Chakotay was standing in the middle of the command station and turned to look at her as the two women made their way down the steps towards him. The debris on the bridge had been cleaned up and she was surprised to see that the conn had been fully repaired. Tom Paris would be happy to see his station as good as new when he made it back to duty. "Our long range sensors are still down, we didn't see them coming until they were particularly on top of us, Captain. They started opening fire and since we have no communications we can't hail them. We're in the process of getting the warp drive on line so we can get the hell out of here."

"Work on the sensors as well, let's try to find a safe place to finish repairs."

"Understood, Captain."

"Do we have a visual yet?"

"I've almost got it Captain," Lang quipped.

Janeway crossed her arms over her chest and glanced sideways at Sarah, waiting for the visual to come up on the screen. "Sarah, can you sense anything?"

The young woman blinked her eyes for a moment, and then responded, "They were expecting to find us here."

"What?" Chakotay asked.

"They knew we were going to be here and be in rough shape."

Janeway felt her nerves tingle. Something was amiss here. Lang called out that she had the visual and was putting it on the main view. She felt her mouth drop open at the sight of the enemy ships attacking them. Things had just gone from bad to worse.

* * *

Sickbay was overrun with wounded. Kes and the Doctor were doing their best to keep up but with each weapon's volley _Voyager _received it seemed that more people stumbled through the doors. Neelix had arrived again, showing in a group of people who had been injured in the mess hall and did his best to help with his limited medical knowledge. But even with the three of them doing their best the lines of wounded never seemed to end. If it was possible, Kes was certain that the Doctor looked anxious. _But he's a hologram, he doesn't feel does he? _Kes had concluded a long time ago, however, that he did.

Every few moments the Doctor would issue an order to her before zipping around the room to another patient. Kes did as she was told, doing her best to treat injuries and keep the spirits of the crew up. They needed Lieutenant Barrett more than ever at that moment but she had left with Captain Janeway to go to the bridge. Which was her duty, Kes realized, because she was after all a senior officer, but Kes found herself wishing that for once the emotional well being of the crew could come before duty. Frustrated, she turned about to discard an instrument she was using when she happened to look up at the surgical biobed where Ava was lying. The Doctor had only been able to repair one of her lungs before the attack started and they both had left her to tend to others. But something was different about the baby now, Kes could feel it.

Inching her way closer she saw what had grabbed her attention and panicked. "Doctor! The baby, she's having trouble breathing!"

The hologram moved swiftly across the room and accessed the scanning arches. "Respiratory support has lost power," he said, looking up at Kes. "If we don't do something soon, she'll suffocate." His eyes darted about for a moment, and then he snapped his fingers. "Kes, we should have some environmental masks in storage, bring me one! Hurry!"

Kes flew out of the main sickbay and back through the office, fingers tearing open storage bins looking for the oxygen masks that the Doctor spoke of. After what felt like hours of searching she finally found them and grasped onto one, running back out into the main room. Ava was still struggling for breath. "I found the mask, Doctor," Kes said, handing him the device.

The Doctor placed the mask over the baby's small nose and mouth. She practically disappeared underneath the mask. "Obviously these weren't made for children," he mumbled. Grabbing a medical tricorder he ran the hand scanner over the baby's tiny body. "Breathing is returning to normal, I think we're out of the woods…for now at least."

_Voyager _shook violently again and the hologram stumbled away from the biobed moving onto another patient. Kes was left alone, staring down at the baby. She recalled a few weeks ago, when Tal had let her hold Ava, how the baby's eyes had looked at her with such curiosity, how full of life they had been. Now, they were closed, her cheeks were pale, and there was a good chance she was going to lose the battle she was waging. Kes felt unexpected tears creep into her eyes. She hadn't realized how important all of these people were becoming to her until this recent tragedy. Neelix came to stand besides her and put an arm around her shoulder.

"Neelix, can you stay with her?" Kes asked, wiping her eyes. "I don't want her to be alone."

"Of course I can," Neelix said, reaching out pulling up a chair that Sarah Barrett had slept in the night before. "The little one shouldn't be alone anyways, and since her mother is busy, who better than Chief Morale Officer to sit with her is there?"

Kes gave him a small nod of gratitude and went about her work. The doors to sickbay swished open and several crewmen were dragging their colleagues along. Kes noticed that they were from the engineering staff. "What happened?" she asked, going to help Michael Jonas pull a badly burned B'Elanna Torres in.

"A conduit exploded during the last exchange of fire," Harry Kim announced, helping another badly burned crewmen in. "We were trying to get the torpedoes on line." He grabbed a medical tricorder himself. "Can I be of any assistance?" Looking around the room he pretty much knew the answer.

"Harry you need to get to the bridge!" B'Elanna snapped, sitting up on the biobed that Jonas had deposited her on. "Captain Janeway is going to need you!"

Harry shook his head. "The turbolift is down from here on up, I'd have to crawl through the Jefferies tubes. And by the time that happened the ship will either be well on its way or…well let's not think of the alternative shall we? I can help out down here until the lifts are up and running." _And I'm not leaving you. _

B'Elanna glared at him but didn't say a word. The ship lurched again, this time the lights flickered on and off for at least thirty seconds; there were a series of gasps from the crew in the tiny sickbay as they did so.

Harry began working a dermal regenerator over B'Elanna's burns while Kes triaged the others. Tom was still unconscious on the biobed next to B'Elanna. Harry found that he was grateful Tom wasn't awake at the moment to see how things had suddenly spiraled out of control again. "This should only take a moment," he told B'Elanna while he worked.

"You shouldn't have to take care of me Harry, there are others who need more help than me," B'Elanna argued.

He just glared at her. "Do you have to be so difficult? I'm trying to be nice, alright?"

"I…I'm sorry," B'Elanna replied. "It just hurts a lot and even though Klingons have a high tolerance for pain, there is even some pain they can't stand."

Harry grinned slightly as the monitor behind him began to blare. He glanced over his shoulder to see the Doctor and Kes rushing to the surgical biobed where Ava was lying, an oxygen mask covering her face.

"What's happening Doctor?" Kes inquired a nervous edge to her voice.

"She's going into shock," the Doctor said. "She isn't receiving enough oxygen." He wrenched around and pulled the blood gas infuser they had used on the baby earlier, before hooking her up to respiratory support, and placed it on the struggling child. As he configured the device the lights went out again, and Kes noticed that the hologram became fuzzy for a moment. He looked up startled but didn't say anything as the monitor began to show that Ava's life signs were stabilizing. He let out a small sigh of relief. "There, that should allow her to breathe more easily, along with the mask until I can operate on her other lung."

Neelix who had been shoved out of the way during the panic now went to take the baby's tiny hand. "Everything is going to okay, Ava, we have the best Doctor in the entire quadrant working on you."

The Doctor frowned slightly as he went to check on B'Elanna's burns. Harry was still healing them with a regenerator. But a loud explosion from the office caused everyone to duck and scream. When the sparks had subsided, Harry straightened his form to find that the hologram was not where he had last been. _Oh no, _Harry thought dismally. _We've lost the Doctor._

* * *


	43. Chapter 43

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: I know I've added a lot of chapters today, but I want to get this reposting thing done and over with so I can start writing new stuff. Don't feel like you have to rush to keep up, haha, I'm no where near new stuff yet, sigh.

* * *

"How is this possible?" Kathryn Janeway asked, glaring at the screen. "We haven't so much as picked up a Kazon ship on our sensors since leaving the Caretaker's array. They couldn't have been following us this whole time." She lost her balance for a moment as the ship fired on _Voyager. _It was just one warship, but if Sarah was right, they had known _Voyager _was going to be here and be heavily damaged, then they would only need to send one warship to take out the Federation one. "Tuvok, please tell me we have weapons!"

The Vulcan calmly looked up from his station. "We have phasers only, Captain. Last I heard from engineering they were working on getting the torpedoes back online, but they are days away from that."

_Wonderful, _Kathryn thought angrily. "Lock onto that Kazon vessel and prepare to fire, Mister Tuvok."

"I must advise you Captain, that firing the phasers could blow out more of the EPS relays, thus more power losses throughout the ship," Tuvok replied. "We would be looking at more damage to repair then before."

Kathryn shook her head. "If we let them fire like this on us much longer, there isn't going to be a ship left to repair. Ensign, do we have warp drive?"

"Just until warp four ma'am," the young man at conn replied.

"It's going to have to do. As soon as Tuvok fires the phasers, targeting their engines, set a course back for the Fedori space station," Kathryn replied. "Tuvok on my orders…" She paused for a moment, watching as the Kazon ship got closer, coming in for the kill. Finding how they had known where _Voyager _was going to be was going to have wait until they were safely on their way back to the Fedori space station. "Now!"

A full spread of phaser fire shot out _Voyager, _hitting the Kazon warship dead on. The bridge suddenly became a violent site, with consoles exploding, pipes bursting, and people tumbling about all over the place. Kathryn slammed into Chakotay, who grabbed onto her tightly as the two went crashing to the ground. She felt one side of her upper body hit the deck, while the other was cushioned against her first officer. And then the ship jumped into warp and they were sliding, right into the bar above the helm. Her legs crunched against it and she heard her ankle snap. Biting hard down onto her lip, she managed to slither her way out of Chakotay's grasp and sit up, hair falling into her face. "Tuvok, report!"

Tuvok was pulling himself up from behind tactical, but he looked unharmed. He quickly ran his fingers over his console. "Hull breaches on decks four, five, and seven; however, emergency force fields are in place and holding. The turbo lifts are down. There are numerous casualties being reported throughout the ship, the worst from engineering where a console blew, three crewmen, including Miss Torres have suffered severe plasma burns." His eyes suddenly snapped up to Kathryn, looking up at him from the floor. "I regret to report that the Doctor's program has gone off line and cannot be retrieved at this time."

Chakotay saw the woman's shoulders stiffen with anxiety. "How long will it take to get him up and running?"

"It's hard to say," Tuvok replied. "I do not know the extent of the damage down in sickbay."

"I want everyone, and I mean EVERYONE with medical training to lend a hand down there until we can get the doctor up and running," Kathryn snapped. "Tuvok, find out how the hell those bastards knew we were going to be here and that we'd be in rough shape. I'd like to think it as coincidence, but that seems hardly unlikely." She struggled to get to her feet, but her ankle was broken and it caused a sharp pain to shoot up through her body. "Damnit!" she cursed, falling back onto the floor.

Sarah had wrenched the emergency kit from underneath the command station and was running the medical tricorder over her captain. "Just a broken ankle, but I don't have the equipment to heal it right now. I can give you something for the pain though, ma'am." Before Kathryn could object, the young lieutenant was pressing a hypospray to her neck. Immediately Kathryn felt the pain subside. Chakotay helped her up and into her chair.

"Lieutenant, get down to sickbay, Tuvok, lend a hand down in engineering, try to get at least internal communications up," Chakotay ordered.

"Aye sir," the two officers chorused before exiting the bridge to deck one. They were going to have to take the Jefferies tubes to get to their designated decks.

Chakotay fell into his chair besides Kathryn. "Looks like no one is going anywhere for a while, Captain."

Angry tears were pooling into her eyes. "Someone had to have let the Kazon know where we were going to be. There's no way they were following us this whole time, not through Rupor or Gerroan space; they would have been destroyed by those forces. Who would do this Chakotay? Who would betray us? Was this Doctor Waril's planning all along, the Fedori? Was the transwarp coil set up to fail no matter what we did?"

"Kathryn you're reading too deeply into this," Chakotay tried to reason with her.

"Am I?" she asked, raising an eyebrow and looking at him. "Didn't you hear what Sarah said, that they knew we were going to be here, the Kazon knew we were going to be here, and in rough shape? No, someone gave us up, and I'm going to find that someone Chakotay."

* * *

"_Tuvok to Janeway._"

Kathryn Janeway lifted her head and looked at the viewscreen for a moment. It had been an hour since the Kazon attack and she had been sitting in her chair in silent thought, Chakotay by her side, typing away at the panel between their chairs, always keeping one eye on the screen and the other on her. She had not heard a peep from anyone, other than the officers on the bridge. Tapping her combadge, she replied, "Janeway here. Tuvok, you were successful in getting internal communications up, I assume?"

"_You assume correctly Captain. Right now Lieutenant Torres and I are working on getting an automated distress signal sent out to the Fedori space station,_" the Vulcan informed her. "_That may take several more hours Captain._ _As for the Doctor, it looks like we are going to need entirely new holoprojectors in sickbay. According to Ensign Kim they have been completely blown out and we do not have the power to replicate new ones at the current time._"

She felt her heart drop. Ava was depending on the Doctor for her survival right now, Kathryn was depending on the Doctor to keep her daughter alive right now. Tuvok could have very well just written her daughter's death sentence. She tried to keep her composure as she compiled her answer. "Can we use the projectors in the holodecks?"

"_Lieutenant Torres has sent a team down to check all holodecks, but there is no guarantee that any of them will have working components._"

Her hands began to shake and she clutched them in her lap to stop them. "Tuvok, we _have _to get the Doctor up. There are…people who are in need of him. If we can't get him running then we might as well start digging their graves!" Her voice faltered then with desperation that she knew would not be lost on her friend or Chakotay sitting next to her. "I don't care if you have to rip the holodecks apart! Find the components!"

There was a brief pause on the other side. "_I understand Captain. I will inform you when we have external communications up. Tuvok out._"

In the silence that followed his call Kathryn wished she could get up off her chair and go into her ready room. She could feel that she was on the cusp of an emotional breakdown and she didn't want the whole bridge to witness it. Maybe she could hobble her way into her private sanctuary; she quickly dismissed that idea, the moment she got up, Chakotay would be at her side, helping her. He wouldn't leave her alone in her ready room, not after he had just heard the same news that she had. He knew just as well as she did what not having the Doctor meant for Ava. Clenching her fists tightly in her lap she opened her mouth to issue an order, but found her voice was not present. _Damnit, I'm falling apart. This CANNOT happen._

Chakotay grabbed a hold of her upper arm and helped her to her feet. Silently he guided her to her ready room. The doors swished open to reveal a mess. Vases and picture frames littered the floor; her personal computer had taken a nasty fall off of the desk and several of the figurines on the selves had fallen as well. He led her up the steps, slowly, and together they sat down on the sofa.

Kathryn didn't say anything, just stared out at the stars passing by, her blue eyes pooling with unshed tears. He didn't say anything to her, waiting patiently for her to speak. There was several more moments of silence before Kathryn found the strength to open her mouth and talk to him. "When I found out I was pregnant with her I was angry, actually angry, that Bryan had left me with not one, but two children. I denied it for the longest time, trying to hide it, until I ended up at Starfleet Medical with complications. And despite everything the doctor did for me, she was still born five weeks early. She was so small that she looked lost even in those damn incubators."

"She's a remarkable child, Kathryn, she'll pull through," Chakotay tried reassuring her.

She shook her head, looking at him. "Not without the Doctor."

"You don't know that, Kathryn."

"How did it come to this Chakotay?"

"I'm not sure I understand."

Kathryn looked back out the window. "Has it been worth it, to destroy that array that would have gotten us home? So many have lost their lives already, and I'm sure more will throughout the course of this journey. All for what? My selfish decision to destroy the array?"

"You did what you thought was right," Chakotay pointed out. "Either way, there was no easy decision. If we hadn't destroyed the array the Kazon would have destroyed the Ocampa. And I'm a firm believer that some where, things are going to get better for us. We've just got to band together and fight our way through." He reached for her hand and grabbed a hold of it. "We'll get through this together."

She fought to smile, tears clinging to her lashes. "Together," she repeated, even though she wasn't sure she felt it.

* * *

Tom Paris slowly became aware of his surroundings again. Opening his eyes he realized that he was still in sickbay. It was dim, there were a lot more people around then before he had gone to sleep, and there was smoke lingering in the air. There was something missing, out of place that he couldn't quite put his finger on it yet. After several minutes of struggling with this thought, his empty hand reached out and fingers moved about for a moment, realizing that at one point there had been a hand there holding onto him. "Sarah?" he gasped out, desperately. What if she had all been a dream? What if she hadn't kissed him like he thought that it was nothing but his drugged up state that had produced it?

Warm fingers laced their way through his cold ones. "I'm right here Tom," Sarah's soothing voice could be heard above him. In the dim light he could make out her face, framed by her coffee colored hair. Her deep blue eyes were filled with concern. "How are you feeling?"

"Well," he started, "for a moment I thought you were nothing but a dream."

She smiled at him. "I'm not a dream…at least the last time I checked I wasn't."

"Am I…, that is, will I…" he couldn't finish the sentence. He needed to know if he was ever going to walk again, but at the same time, it terrified him to learn the truth.

"Will you walk again?" Sarah asked, eyes softening when he nodded his head. "I'm not sure Tom. The Doctor hasn't done a post operation examine yet, and it's going to be a while before that happens. The paralysis is still being induced, just in case. I'm sorry, I know you wanted to get up and move if you could, but I'm afraid that it's not possible."

Tom sighed and closed his eyes. He had never been a patient person. Sitting around and waiting for his fate to be decided like this was killing him silently. He opened his eyes again to see Sarah still standing over him. "You know, this has been one of the worst days of my life. The only bright spot was your kiss." Her cheeks turned pink and it was the affirmation he needed that it had indeed happened. "If I had known getting myself nearly blown up would have made you kiss me I would have rigged the helm sooner."

"Very funny, fly boy," Sarah snapped, "And actually, yesterday was the worst day of your life. You haven't had the privilege of being awake for today or I'm sure you would think it came in a close second."

"That bad?"

"That bad," Sarah repeated, letting go of his hand. She found it best not to go into detail with him, since it would do very little good for his current health. Instead she moved onto what she was doing before he woke up, working on a report for Captain Janeway. So far, they had managed to treat most of them and send the one with minor injuries back to duty, but it had been reported that the rescue crews were going to be breaking through the debris on deck four soon and Sarah knew that those people, who had been trapped not only during the disastrous test run, had also been trapped during the attack by the Kazon. Typing a way at the PADD in her hand she heard the doors to sickbay open and she glanced over her shoulder to see Ensign Seska walk in. "Are you alright, Ensign?"

Seska seemed preoccupied. "Um, yes, I just came to see Lieutenant Torres."

"She went back to Engineering about twenty minutes ago," Sarah replied, putting the PADD down.

"Oh, I must have missed her."

Sarah felt strange vibes coming off of the bajoran, as if she had really come here to obtain something but was hesitant about doing it now that she saw that the counselor was present. Sarah tried to shrug the emotion off, but realized that these feelings should not be ignored, not know that she knew why she was having them. "Seska, are you sure everything is alright? You feel agitated." When she tried to read the young woman it was hard to cut through the fog. But, she was definitely nervous about something. "I'm sensing that you're nervous about something."

Seska's face paled a little. "Nothing…nothing is wrong, Counselor. It's just…the transwarp coil, the Kazon, it's all been a little too much to handle."

Sarah knew she was lying, but didn't call her out on it. "Everyone's upset Seska; it's nothing to be ashamed about. How are the rescue efforts on deck four going?"

"Deck four?"

"Yes, you are working on the team aren't you?"

Realization dawned on her. "Oh, right, yes. They're coming along. Vorik was working on getting emergency transporters back on line so we can beam the patients directly here. Any luck on getting the Doctor back?"

Sarah shook her head. She picked a PADD up and handed it to Seska. "If you see Lieutenant Torres can you bring this to her? It's a full report on the damage to sickbay; she requested it before she left."

Seska nodded her head and fled the room. Tom propped himself up onto his elbows. "What the hell was that all about? I may not be telepathic but even I could see that she was upset about something.

Sarah peered at the door thoughtfully. "I'm not sure. I got the sense that she was hiding something and that she was definitely afraid of us finding out what that was." She shook her head. "It's weird Tom; she's avoided me at all costs since word got out that I'm half Betazoid. I mean, it wasn't like she was a regular before, but you would think I had a deadly disease or something."

"Counselor?" Kes' tired voice interrupted the conversation. Sarah looked up to see the Ocampa standing near the baby's biobed. "Ava's life signs are getting weaker."

_Oh no, _Sarah thought as she dropped the instrument she had in her hand on to the tray, dashing towards the surgical biobed. Typing away furiously at the controls she tried to pull up a scan of the child's systems. "She's got a fever. The damaged lung must be infected." Moving about she went to retrieve a hypospray with a medicine to combat the infection. Pressing it to the child's small neck, she looked up at the screen hopefully. While the baby's body temperature went down, her heart rate was still slow and her breathing still shallow. Sarah tried to swallow her tears as Kes looked at her desperately. She shook her head. "If we don't get the Doctor up and running soon, she'll die."

* * *


	44. Chapter 44

* * *

"Alright," B'Elanna Torres said, "that should about do it to rebuild the holoprojectors in sickbay. Of course, now we're without a holodeck."

Harry Kim shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think anyone is really going to notice to be honest with you. Let's get going. I heard that they are starting to pull the wounded from deck four and Sarah and Kes maybe great nurses, but that's just it, they're nurses, we're going to need the Doc."

B'Elanna shoved the parts into her equipment bag and followed Harry out of the holodeck towards the Jefferies tubes. The turbo lifts were still down, and were probably going to be down for days. She hoped that Tuvok had managed to get external communications up so they could send a distress call to the Fedori space station. _They're going to think we're crazy, showing up two weeks after pulling in there with a lot of damage, with even more damage this time. _She shook her head silently. For a week that had begun with so much anticipation, it sure had gone downhill in a hurry. But she was beginning to learn that that was life out in the Delta Quadrant.

They entered the Jefferies tube and began the climb upward, they had eight decks to go, and both of their bodies ached from non stop work. B'Elanna couldn't remember the last time she had even slept; she had worked straight through the night to get systems up and running again only for the Kazon to tear that apart.

"Do you believe the rumors," Harry finally said. She smiled to herself; she knew that he couldn't make the full eight deck climb without talking to her.

"What rumors? There are a lot floating around."

"The one that the Kazon knew where we were the whole time," Harry replied.

"How could they know that, unless someone on the inside was telling them? And who on _Voyager _would do that Harry?"

"Maybe it was Doctor Waril, maybe they offered him more payment than a ride home," Harry pointed out.

B'Elanna frowned. "We worked with Doctor Waril for the whole week; we would have seen something out of place. Wouldn't we?"

"I don't know," Harry said. "I've been going over every single day we spent with him working on those coils, trying to figure out if there was anything suspicious. But nothing comes to mind. This whole situation just doesn't make sense. We did simulation after simulation in the holodeck, and every time I was able to make the calculations if the coils came out of alignment. I don't understand why the test run went so badly."

She glanced over her shoulder down at him. His face was tired and strained. She knew that he had been stressing over the miscalculation for the past two days, more so now that the Kazon had attacked. He was taking all the blame himself and she wasn't sure if that was entirely right. Perhaps they had been set up to fail all along. The Maquis side of her was screaming this, but she knew that his idyllic Starfleet manor was not going to allow him to see it that way. "Harry, we'll figure it out. Right now let's focus on getting the ship up and running again, alright?"

"You're right, again," Harry muttered. "Thanks, B'Elanna. When this is all over I owe you dinner."

"Dinner? For what?"

"For picking me up every time I fell on my face," Harry said. "Do you like Thai? My mom had this great recipe…"

"Are you asking me out on a date, Starfleet?"

There was a long pause, then, "Well, as friends of course, since we decided last week, that's all we are."

"Oh, right, friends. Well if that's the case, I love Thai."

He couldn't be sure, but he thought he heard disappointment in her voice. "Alright then, once those replicators are back online, I'm making you the best Thai dish you've ever tasted, sound like a plan?"

B'Elanna smiled, softly, "Sounds like a plan, Starfleet."

* * *

Tuvok worked quickly at getting external communications up and running. While Lieutenant Torres was off working on getting the Doctor back online, the Vulcan tactical officer had sent a team to work on getting the turbo lifts up so Captain Janeway could easily get to sickbay to have her ankle healed and to see Ava. Even though he may not understand humans' attachment to emotions, but he did have an understanding that the news he had given her thirty minutes before would unsettle her and make her even more agitated as it was. He had a deep respect for Kathryn Janeway that stemmed from her loyalty and compassion, not to mention her tenacity as an officer, so if he had a way to lessen her burden he was going to take it. He had seen what stress could do to humans, and quite frankly, he didn't think it a pretty sight.

"Commander Tuvok," a voice said, pulling his attention back to the present. Crewmen Hogan was standing in front of him, an anxious look on his face. "We tried extracting the coils like you requested but they are infused into some of the plasma injectors. That's why we could only manage speeds of warp four; we weren't getting enough plasma to the core. The damaged coils are blocking the injectors."

Tuvok frowned, or at least the Vulcan equivalent of a frown. "How long would it take to dismantle the transwarp drive?"

"It could take several hours sir, and I'd have to pull several people off of other repairs."

"Unfortunately we don't have the luxury," Tuvok replied. "Continue working on repairs. When the time permits it we will work on dismantling the transwarp coils."

"Aye sir."

He watched as Hogan walked away before going back to work. It was proving to be a challenge. The communications array had been heavily damaged in the failed test run and the little repairs they had made to it since then had all been destroyed in the Kazon attack. He felt that he was fairly close to completely his work, but in the absence of Lieutenant Torres, the junior officers kept checking in with him to see what the next course of action was. Tuvok found this puzzling, since they knew more about the status of engineering than he did, but understood; he was after all the senior officer present in the room. They would go to Lieutenant Barrett if she was the one sitting there and she had openly admitted to him once that warp cores and power couplings made her head spin.

The console started beeping and he typed furiously away at the controls. "Computer open a channel and encode message to be delivered to the Fedori space station at coordinates three four eight mark zero when we enter communications range, and playback until message is received."

"_Channel open._"

"This is Lieutenant Commander Tuvok from the Federation Starship _Voyager_; our transwarp run was unsuccessful and we have sustained massive damage. We acquire assistance. In addition we have been under attack by the Kazon and do not know if they are pursuing, any assistance that you can give us is greatly appreciated," Tuvok said, standing up from his chair. "Computer, end transmission." The computer chirped in response and Tuvok pressed his combadge. "Tuvok to Janeway."

"_Go ahead, Commander,_" her voice responded, but it sounded haggard. "_Please tell me you have good news for me._"

"I have some, Captain," Tuvok replied.

"_Give me the good news first,_" Janeway said, in a grumble.

"I have sent an automated distress call to the Fedori space station; they should receive when we enter communication's range."

"_The warp drive?_"

"It is going to take several days to get the warp core up and running to peak efficiency again. The transwarp coils have fused with some of the plasma injectors," Tuvok reported. He thought he heard Janeway let out a disgusted sigh.

"_The Doctor?_"

Tuvok paused for a moment, trying to pick his words carefully. "Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Kim have retrieved the parts necessary from the holodeck to repair the projectors in sickbay. However, it remains to be seen if they will be able to fix him."

There was an even longer pause on the other end and Tuvok knew that Janeway was trying to compose herself. If the Doctor did not get back online and soon, then ten people they had pulled from the wreckage on deck four, Tom Paris, and most importantly, Ava Janeway could and would all die. It was times like this that he could see why his people chose to forgo emotions. If he could, he would not envy Kathryn Janeway's position she was in at that moment. After several seconds of silence, she finally strangled out, "_Keep me updated, Janeway out._"

* * *

Chakotay watched as Kathryn struggled to her feet and then with a wince of pain fell back onto the couch. Frustrated she closed her eyes and clenched her fists before trying again. For the second time she failed and fell back onto the couch. "Captain, you shouldn't be walking on your ankle."

"I don't care, Commander," she growled. "I need to get to sickbay."

He shook his head. "You're going to have to wait until the turbo lifts are up."

Angry tears began making their way down her cheeks and he found himself wondering if she had ever showed so much emotion to her other fellow officers before their unfortunate circumstances. "My baby is _dying _Commander. You heard Lieutenant Barrett five minutes ago; she said Ava had an infection. Damn it Chakotay! I should be with my daughter! Not couped up here! Now, I don't care if you think I shouldn't be walking on my ankle, I'm going to get to sickbay if I have to crawl through the Jefferies tubes by myself!"

He countered her with a gentle response. "Kathryn, Harry and B'Elanna will get the Doctor online, they know what is at stake here. Tell me another story about the children, that seems to calm you."

"I don't want to be calm!" she snapped, struggling to get to her feet and then using whatever she could to guide her way towards the port doors of her ready room. Chakotay didn't move, refusing to help her. This only seemed to anger her even more. "What would you do, Chakotay, if she was your daughter? Would you sit here so calmly, telling stories? I don't think so." He continued to sit there silent, watching her as she struggled. She made it about half way to the doors before she collapsed onto the floor in a heap. Pressing her palms into the floor she felt like she was slipping out of control again, like she had when they had first pulled Ava from the wreckage in the mess hall. That time Lieutenant Barrett had sedated her and Tuvok had carried her back to her quarters and stayed with her until Chakotay had shown up.

She noticed that he still had not moved from the sofa. _What's he waiting for? Doesn't he want to gloat that he was right all along? That I can't walk on my ankle, no 'you're too stubborn for your own good Kathryn'? _She bit her lip. Chakotay had never once said those words to her, those had been from Bryan when he was frustrated with her that her career seemed to be taking president over their marriage, or on occasion her mother had spoken the same words when her career was seemingly getting in the way of raising her children. Kathryn knew that she had no right to be taking her anger out on Chakotay. He was trying to help her. Still the memories of people in the past calling her out on her stubbornness left a bitter taste in her mouth. "I won't just sit here. If it takes me hours, I'll get there."

"If you would be patient, you may not have to wait hours," Chakotay pointed out. "The lifts could be up and running any moment now."

"I've never been patient, I've been told it's one of my many faults," she snapped.

"It maybe a fault, but you don't have many, Captain," Chakotay said. "In fact, given the circumstances, you're holding together pretty well."

_This is pretty well? _She thought, bewildered. _Sitting in the middle of my ready room floor, a broken ankle, and practically throwing things at you if I could? This is handling it pretty well? I'd hate to see what you think really well is. _She glanced up at him, still sitting calmly on the sofa. "I'm not sure I can hold together much longer. I'm exhausted, Chakotay, but I know I won't be able to sleep. And the damn replicator is down so there's no coffee."

"You drink too much of that stuff anyways," he said.

Kathryn managed a weak smile. "Another fault."

"You could have worse, Kathryn," he paused for a moment, thinking of his own. "Much worse," he whispered. For a moment their eyes met and he thought of telling her the peace he had found on this ship, cast adrift in a sense, but her jaw twitched at the sound of the comline going off.

"_Kim to Chakotay,_" Harry Kim's voice filled the room and Kathryn wondered why he hadn't contacted her. Surely the young man knew that the captain and first officer were together, didn't he? She then recalled how harsh she had been to him on the bridge when they had first assessed their damage after the failed test run. She probably had scared him half to death with her sharp tongue and death glare and Harry felt more comfortable at that moment reporting to Chakotay.

Chakotay pressed his combadge. "Go ahead Ensign."

"_We should have the Doctor up and running within the next fifteen minutes,_" Kim said. "_B'Elanna and I have just finished installing the new projectors._"

"Nice work, Ensign," Chakotay said, getting up on his feet. He straightened his uniform for a moment and his eyes locked with Kathryn's. Her blue orbs were swimming with tears again. "Any word on the lifts yet?"

"_Commander Tuvok sent a team to work on them, but I haven't heard anything yet,_" Kim replied. "_Should I send someone to check on them, sir?_"

"No, I trust them; they'll get them up and running, Chakotay out."

Kathryn's eyes were closed and she was trying to breathe deeply. "If I lose her, Chakotay, I don't just lose my child; I lose my last gift from Bryan, I lose an homage to a woman, well, let's just say I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her."

Chakotay's interest peaked. "You mean Ava's named after someone, not just her father?"

The captain's eyes opened. "Perhaps a story for a different time; the wounds of that day are still…fresh."

He felt his heart fall. Just when he thought he was getting her to open up, she slammed the door shut.

Kathryn struggled to her feet, grasping the bar near the upper level of the ready room. Her hair was falling out of place but she didn't seem to care. Bracing herself she looked at her first officer. "As soon as those damn lifts are up, I'm going to sickbay. And if they aren't up in an hour, I'm going to crawl there on my hands and knees if I have too, and you're not to stop me, that's an order Commander."

Chakotay winced at the strained tone of her voice, and humbly replied, "Yes ma'am." He silently prayed that the time to disobey her direct orders would never come.

* * *

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

Sarah Barrett slapped a medical tricorder down into the hologram's hand. "The baby has an infection that is spreading rapidly; Kes has done all she can do for her, but if her damaged lung isn't repaired soon to contain the infection she'll die from massive organ failure. Oh, and did I mention that three more people were pulled from the wreckage on deck four and have serious injuries? That makes thirteen people pulled from the wreckage who need medical assistance. Welcome back Doctor."

The Doctor blinked, looking at the young lieutenant a moment before she moved on to assess the wounded being brought into sickbay from deck four. He moved towards a young ensign lying crumpled on the floor, several broken bones poking through her uniform. As he leaned down, Kes frantically called out that the baby's condition was worsening. Standing up he turned to go help Kes but one of the ensign's crewmates was yelling that she wasn't going to make it much longer if she didn't get medical treatment.

The Doctor was suddenly faced with a horrible choice. Did he help the ailing baby, a civilian, who technically was not even supposed to be on the ship, or help a person who was doing their best day in and day out to help get _Voyager _home? He also knew that the child's death would have serious repercussions throughout the whole ship as it would deeply affect their captain. So did that give him the right to walk away from an ensign who was doing their job when they got hurt?

"Doctor?" Barrett was standing in front of him. She was clutching tightly to a medical tricorder. Her face was wrought with worry and her eyes were flickering back and forth from the biobed where the baby was lying and the floor where the wounded crewman was. No doubt she knew what was transpiring. She was biting down on her lip, as if trying to decided whether she should give him a direction to go in. Kes called out again that the baby's vitals were dangerously low. Sarah's eyes flickered once again to the surgical biobed and she briefly met Tom's frantic gaze afterwards. "Doctor?" she repeated, hoping to propel him into action.

Setting his jaw, the hologram clutched tightly to the instrument in his hand and made a choice.

* * *


	45. Chapter 45

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: I'm going to post an episode a day to get things moving. Look for two on Sunday because I will be away tomorrow. Enjoy!

* * *

"Are you ready to try walking?" Kes asked Tom Paris gently. She had one arm firmly on his waiting to help him off the biobed. The Doctor had given her the okay to stop giving him the inhibitor that was preventing him from walking and he was eager to give it a shot. "Just remember, you only have to take as many steps that you feel you can take, don't push yourself."

Tom nodded his head. But he had already determined how far he was going to walk. Right past the Doctor's office, into the lab, where several minutes ago Sarah had disappeared into thinking that no one noticed in the chaos that was sickbay. But Tom had nothing to do but _notice. _Slowly he pushed himself off the biobed and felt his legs shake underneath him. Kes held onto him firmly, making sure that he didn't fall over and hurt himself some more. Tom was tired of being so helpless however, and instructed Kes to let go of his arm. She seemed reluctant at first but obliged. He staggered slightly before gaining his footing. And then one step became three and three became ten and he was well on his way into the office, vaguely aware that Harry and Kes were telling him to stop.

He found Sarah huddled in a darken corner, where the baby's crib still sat. Empty now of course. She was hugging her knees to her chest and from where he was standing he wasn't sure if she was crying or not. Tom inched his way closer wondering why she had retreated into this dark place. Was she tired? Possibly, she had been up at least twenty four hours helping in sickbay. He noticed then, as he knelt down to sit with her, that she was holding a PADD in her hand. Repair efforts? Perhaps like when they had first been flung here she had been left in charge of the repair front, with Janeway injured and Chakotay tending to their Captain, Sarah and Tuvok were the senior most officers. "You've been awfully quiet since disappearing in here, everything alright?"

Sarah raised her eyes to his. In the dim light he could see she had been crying. "Do you remember what Crewmen Dalby said, when the Doctor made his decision?"

Tom frowned. "Yeah, something along the lines of what gave Janeway the right to have her family here. Why are you asking me this?"

"Because I defended her, I told Dalby that Admiral Patterson himself had approved the children's passage on this mission," Sarah breathed.

"Well, didn't he?"

She was thrusting the PADD into his hands. Tom blinked confused and looked down at it. For a moment he wasn't sure what he was looking at, then he realized, it was the letter from Patterson, the one that approved the children's presence on _Voyager. _He recalled the letter coming up at one of the first senior officers meetings on their way to the Badlands. The CMO and Cavit hadn't outwardly demanded it, but they had come pretty close. But now as he read it over, he realized that this wasn't the same letter. _This _letter from Patterson apologized to Kathryn Janeway, but he could not get the children's passage approved, not on such a dangerous mission. _Then how in the hell…_Tom thought, then realized what had made Sarah upset. "She lied?"

"She lied," Sarah repeated, "in a way. The letter we saw at that first meeting was the letter approving the children's _accommodations _not their passage on _Voyager. _Perhaps by the time we were on our way she didn't have Patterson's letter and it was too late to turn around to drop the children back off at Deep Space Nine, with no childcare on board." She shook her head. "None of this would have happened if that letter had come earlier."

"You think Captain Janeway would have changed her mind and waited to launch later?"

"Yes," Sarah replied. "I checked the communications logs. She talked to Patterson after the letter arrived. I'm sure they both came to the conclusion that time was of the essence and that _Voyager _couldn't backtrack to return the children to their grandmother; Gretchen Janeway was halfway back to Earth by the time Captain Janeway received his letter."

"Why didn't he just contact Janeway in the first place?" Tom asked.

Sarah smiled sadly, "Because he knew how important it was to Captain Janeway to have the children with her."

"In other words, he was banking on Janeway getting the letter late."

"Exactly."

"And no one was banking us being gone more than three weeks," Tom replied. He tossed the PADD to the ground, it landed next to some debris. He shifted his weight again, realizing that his legs, which had not been used in a couple of days, were aching. "Well, we've been gone longer than three weeks and will have the battle scars to prove it."

"You sound so certain we'll get home," Sarah muttered.

"Aren't you?"

"No, not after this disaster," Sarah said, tears stinging her eyes. "Tom, eight people, seven of them our crewmates, are dead."

There was no denying that. Tom had witnessed the last death in sickbay not moments before. While things had settled down since then, it felt like a graveyard out there, the Doctor's choice still was weighing heavily on all of them. Perhaps that's why Sarah had retreated back here and called up the records she was interested in. She was looking for a reason for all of this happening when really there was no reason, other than the fact that this ship and her crew were just unlucky, at least it felt that way. Tom gazed at the ground. He believed in trying to look at the bright side, but recently things were turning darker, the Gerroan, the transwarp coils, the Kazon; everything seemed to be against them. Something Janeway had said at the beginning of their journey flittered into his mind. _We have no idea the dangers we are going to face,but one thing is clear, both crews are going to have to work together if we're to survive. _

Tom slipped his arm around Sarah. "We'll survive, as long as we stick together." She looked at him with questioning eyes and he realized that even she needed a counselor every now and again. Running a hand through her hair he gently laid a kiss on it before she melted against him, seeking comfort. She didn't cry or scream, but silently took refuge in him, and he was happy to provide it.

B'Elanna Torres leaned against the biobed for a moment, looking down at the occupant. She had just finished repairs to the turbolifts, but something was tugging her here. Brushing a small piece of hair out of the patient's eyes she felt tears begin to well in her own._ How could one person make me feel so vulnerable? _She thought, feeling another presence make their way over to the area. She glanced up to see Harry standing there, dark eyes looking sadly down at the patient.

A muscle in his jaw twitched before he spoke to her. "How is she?"

B'Elanna took Ava Janeway's cold hand in her own. The tiny fingers were smooth, like little stones underneath hers. "The Doctor's done everything he can for her, but it remains to be seen if she'll wake up. Inducing the coma…" her voice trailed off and Harry could surmise what it meant. They had induced the coma meaning they very well could have permanently put the baby to sleep. "She's so small Harry, so fragile. I never realized this, not until now. Before I thought that those kids were just a damn nuisance. But now…seeing her struggle like this made me see that…that they're important to this crew just as much as the next guy."

"She isn't fragile B'Elanna," Harry said. He traced a finger along the child's cheek. "She's a fighter, that's for sure."

B'Elanna straightened her form, eyes not moving from the baby. "I need to get to Engineering, Tuvok wants the coils removed. It's going to take hours, hope you weren't planning on having that dinner anytime soon?"

Harry grinned. "Nope, I still have to get the long range sensors online that could take days as well."

"This ship is a mess," B'Elanna retorted.

"Yeah, but she has the best crew to fix her," Harry replied.

B'Elanna grinned. "I hope you remember that in three days when I still don't have the replicators up and running, Starfleet."

Harry laughed. "Don't worry, I will," he remarked before they parted ways. There was still a lot of work that needed to be done on _Voyager _and their captain needed them all to be working at peak efficiency, and even though they were well on their way to the space station, having received an escort an hour before, they still were not out of the dark just yet. But things were starting to look brighter.

To his dismay, when Harry stepped out into the corridor he came face to face with Kathryn Janeway. Swallowing hard, he looked at Chakotay, holding firmly onto Janeway's arm to give the woman support. Harry had not spoken to her since she had snapped at him on the bridge. "Captain, how are you feeling, ma'am?" _What a stupid thing to say, Harry, way to go!_

Janeway surprised him then, she smiled, sadly. "I've seen better days, Ensign. But, my eyes have been opened to something I think I knew all along, I have a remarkable crew." She gestured for Chakotay to help her into sickbay and Harry was left alone, but her words had spoken volumes to him; with those simple words Harry knew she had forgiven him.

Hours slipped into days as Kathryn waited by Ava's bedside for the baby to regain consciousness. The Doctor had warned her that inducing the coma may very well keep the baby in that state for the rest of her life, that there eventually may come a time that it just was not practical to keep the child alive through artificial life support. Kathryn was holding onto a slim hope at this point that Ava was ever going to open her eyes again. The strain was evident on her face when she did manage to leave sickbay and check on the repair front. The crew was walking on eggshells around her and even B'Elanna seemed intimidated by her lately.

Rubbing her temples for a moment she couldn't blame them for being weary. She was testy, getting angry at the slightest little detail. If it weren't for Chakotay or Tuvok to calm the storm, she probably would have exploded by now. Kathryn reminded herself on countless occasions it seemed that this wasn't the crew's fault and that she shouldn't be taken her frustration out on them. _Old habits die hard_, she thought, miserably, fixing the afghan around Ava's small body.

On top of Ava's plight, Kathryn still had a memorial service to give for seven crewmembers that had died throughout the course of the failed transwarp coils and the attack by the Kazon. She had spent the past three hours trying to come up with something to say to encourage the crew, but she was finding it difficult to comfort herself at the moment. _Perhaps Chakotay should do the memorial_, she mused, glancing down at the empty message PADD in her hand. _My heart is just not in this_.

A flurry of movement caught her attention and she glanced up from the empty PADD. The Doctor was pretending to scan Ava, however Kathryn really knew that he was under orders from Chakotay to keep an eye on her. He had ordered Sarah to do it originally but Kathryn quickly caught on and made sure that the counselor was busier elsewhere. But the Doctor, he couldn't leave sickbay, except for the holodeck, so he was the perfect candidate to replace Sarah as her baby-sitter. _I knew Chakotay wouldn't give up so easily, _Kathryn silently lamented, glancing at the empty PADD once more. She wished that she could just snap her fingers and a nice, lengthy speech would appear there. If only life was so easy.

The Doctor moved away now, going to check on someone else, but Kathryn knew in fifteen minutes time he would back. In fact she mused Chakotay would be in soon, pretending to be checking up on the injury front when really he was pulling the hologram into the office to keep tabs on her. _They must think I'm stupid, or just completely oblivious. _Like clockwork the doors to sickbay swished open and Chakotay strolled in, eyes first landing on Kathryn then moving to find the Doctor. At the moment the hologram was dealing with a grumbling Tom Paris who insisted that he was ready for duty.

"There isn't much of a ship to fly right now Tom," Chakotay reminded him. "We're being pulled by a tractor beam from the Fedori vessel until we reach the space station. Any more usage of our engines before the coils are removed would result in blowing out the plasma injectors. We have enough problems as it is without doing that."

Kathryn could hear Tom muttering under his breath while Chakotay requested to see the Doctor in private. She returned to her feeble attempt at writing a proper eulogy for eight people. Fifteen minutes later when the biocomputer next to Ava's bed blipped a different sound than Kathryn was used to there was still nothing on the PADD. Glancing up she looked straight at the biocomputer but couldn't from this distance determine what reading was different, if there was one. Perhaps she had just imagined the new sound. But several seconds later it did it again. The PADD dropped from her hand as she stood up, leaning closer to the biobed. Ava's eyes were still closed; she looked no different than she had the previous three days that Kathryn had been sitting there.

Chakotay and the Doctor had emerged from the office, the hologram obviously alerted to the slight change in the baby. He grabbed a medical tricorder and began to scan the child, silently, his face not conveying any information.

Kathryn found this frustrating. She usually could read people just by their body language fairly well, she had to be able to do that if she was any use as a leader to her crew, but the hologram was hard to read because frankly he didn't feel emotions to emit certain body language. She opened her mouth to ask him a question, but shut it quickly when it dawned on her that she didn't know what she was going to ask him.

"Hmmm," he finally voiced, still scanning.

"Hmmm?" Kathryn repeated. "What the hell is that supposed to mean Doctor?"

"Her neural activity has picked up considerably since the last time I scanned her," the Doctor replied, shutting the tricorder down. "I believe that this means—."

From the biobed Ava let out a frightened cry, her eyes opening.

It was quite possibly the most beautiful sound that Kathryn Janeway had ever heard. The Doctor lowered the arches and instantly Kathryn had gathered her baby up into her arms. Ava wrapped her arms and legs tightly about her mother's shaking body and sobbed. "It's okay my little bird," Kathryn whispered, rubbing her back. "It's okay."

Ava's cries reduced to little whimpers as she nestled into her mother's arms. Her eyes wandered taking in her surroundings but as she began to familiarize herself with the ship again, Kathryn thrust her into Chakotay's unsuspecting arms. The baby started to cry all over again as the Captain explained that she was going to get something for the baby to eat.

Chakotay frowned down at the child. _We were getting along so well too Ava, _he thought, thinking how much the two had bonded over the past several weeks. That was all null and void now. It however didn't bother him. He was just happy to have the chance to keep working on a bond with her rather then have to add her to list of people they were eulogizing the follow day. _Yes, _he concluded as Ava wailed slightly, calling for her mother, _this is a much better option than that._

Kathryn tugged at her dress uniform as the chime to her quarters rang out. "Come in," she called, exiting the bedroom and entering the living room. Chakotay was standing there, clad in an identical dress uniform, but she was struck with the thought that he looked a hell of a lot better in that dress uniform than she did.

"Ready Captain?"

"Almost," she said, fastening the last pip onto her collar. After she was done, her blue eyes studied him for a moment. "Is one ever ready for a task such as this, Chakotay?"

He met her gaze. "No, even after all the death I saw in the Maquis, nothing prepares you for this." For a moment captain and first officer regarded each other silently. Both had been to memorials before, he had even led a few, but he knew that Kathryn had not. As a captain this would be the first time that she had to look at a group of people and try to find comforting words for them while they tried to deal with their loss. But, perhaps she had already led a bit of a memorial service when they first had been stranded out in the Delta Quadrant. She had been forced to rally the troops so to speak after the loss of home. This however seemed far more daunting to him.

She wanted to stay locked in that gaze forever. It made her forget what she was about to do. Her voice finally found itself. "We should be going; I don't want to delay this crew's healing any longer."

He nodded and let her lead the way. The walked silently to the turbolift, rode it in silence and then exited onto the bridge in the same amount of silence. Tuvok announced their presence and the senior staff, along with several crewmen stood at attention. Kathryn had cried all her tears earlier and set her jaw, meeting their gazes. She was struck with how they seemed to be like little children, silently crying out for her to make everything better. In certain ways, they were children. They needed her to be strong, they needed her to keep her emotions locked up inside and not let them out. She had come dangerous close to failing them with her emotional outbursts the past several days; this day was going to be the end of that for the remainder of the journey.

Now standing in the middle of the command station, debris cleared, looking as new as it did the day that Kathryn had first stepped onto her bridge. The senior staff lined the small space, standing shoulder to shoulder; Harry Kim, B'Elanna Torres, Tom Paris, Sarah Barrett, Tuvok, each of them wearing dress uniforms and solemn looks. _Well Tuvok usually looks this way, _Kathryn thought with mild amusement. Glancing briefly to her left Chakotay's presence besides her gave her the courage to begin. "We all knew the risks when we first started out on our journey. There would be times like these, despite our best efforts. We're here to remember the contributions of those lost. They tenure with our crew was short, but it was not unfelt. It's vital that we keep the memories of all lost. The kindness of Doctor Waril who was just trying to help us get home and paid the ultimate price; for the hard work and friendship of seven crewmates, Ensign Mark Williamson, Crewman Loren, Crewman Martha Gable, Lieutenant…"

Harry's mind began to wonder as the Captain's voice faded out. They were names that he had repeated over and over again in the last few days; he knew them well. But hearing them spoken by the Captain brought a new onslaught of tears to his eyes. He blinked furiously trying to rid them from his dark irises, but they refused to go. He felt a hand grip his own. Looking up he saw B'Elanna give him a small smile of support as the Captain nodded towards Ayala, manning tactical. A crewman blew a traditional whistle and everyone stood at attention, but B'Elanna didn't let go of his hand as eight pods were fired from the depths of _Voyager _and began a new journey.

The bridge crew stood there for several moments in silence before Kathryn softly announced that the eight people they had just remembered would want them to cheer each other up. "Neelix has prepared refreshments for us and has invited everyone to gather in the mess hall," she told them. "I hope to see you all there."

Kathryn and Chakotay were the last to ride a lift down. They entered the mess hall together to idle chatter, but subdued. She wondered how long it was going to take for the crew to recover from this latest blow. Tuvok immediately made his way over to the command team and regarded them a moment before speaking. "Captain, Commander, can I have a word with you in private? I assure you that it is vital information that you must both be made aware of."

The Captain and First Officer exchanged glances before Kathryn led the way to the only private place in the mess hall. Neelix's tiny galley was hardly the place to hold a meeting Kathryn thought as she crammed into the small space with Chakotay and Tuvok. But the Vulcan tactical officer had been insistent that he speak to the command team, and right away. When she was certain that they were out of earshot of the gathering in the mess hall, she turned about to face her trusted friend.

Tuvok didn't wait for her to ask him speak. "We've managed to extract the damaged coils," he started. "Lieutenant Torres did a routine diagnostic on them for me."

"And?" Chakotay asked, not sure he liked where the Vulcan was going with this.

"And it appears that they were tampered with before our test run," Tuvok replied.

Kathryn felt her heart quicken. "Are you suggesting that someone sabotaged them before Doctor Waril gave them to us?"

"Not exactly, Captain, although it is a logical explanation," Tuvok replied. "But I believe that they were tampered with after they got on board _Voyager_. Lieutenant Torres claimed that she ran the same diagnostic before installing them and found no signs of tampering. Either Doctor Waril tampered with them once on board, after they were installed, or someone on this ship did it."

"I don't like what you're suggesting, Tuvok," Kathryn flatly stated. "Why would someone on this ship tamper with those coils? Seven of their crewmates are dead."

Tuvok quirked an eyebrow. "It is puzzling to me as well, Captain, however, the battered state we were in did not go unnoticed by the Kazon, which leads me to believe that the saboteur wanted it to be that way or was working with the Kazon all along."

Sliding her arms over her chest, Kathryn looked at the floor. "Does Neelix know anything about the Kazon sects in this region of space?" she asked, trying her best to keep her composure.

"It is controlled mainly by a sect known as the Kazon-Nistrim," Tuvok replied. "According to Mister Neelix, they are one of the more powerful sects in Kazon space, and one of the more aggressive ones."

"Wonderful," Kathryn mumbled sarcastically. Snapping her eyes up to Tuvok she said, "I want this ship on full tactical alert. I will not be taken by surprise again. Once we leave the space station keep long range sensors tuned in for Kazon vessels; I liked to stay away from them as much as possible. Also, begin working on investigating the sabotage of those transwarp coils. Use Sarah if you have to, to cut through the lies and cover ups."

Chakotay frowned. "Captain, does this mean we won't be looking for a place to take shore leave?"

Kathryn shook her head. "No, we'll still look. I think this crew needs some time off, but we have to be extremely careful how we go about this. I don't want this to get around the ship, try to keep it under wraps until we have more information. I know that is nearly impossible on a ship this small, but do your best. I have a sneaky feeling that the Kazon Nistrim will be back."


	46. Chapter 46: State of Flux

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: This is my version of _State of Flux. _Enjoy!

* * *

_**STATE OF FLUX **_

The breeze was warm on his face as Commander Chakotay stood amongst a field on an uninhabited planet that Neelix had guided them to so they could stock up on food supplies. So far they had found several edible vegetables and fruits. Chakotay took a deep breath to soak in the warm air. It felt good to breathe fresh air again. Their attempt to find a planet to take shore leave on after the disastrous test run had yielded little results, having to make course corrections to avoid either the Kazon, Viidians or the Gerroan. It was quite clear that _Voyager _was traveling through a hostile part of the Delta Quadrant and there seemed to be no signs of it letting up. So far they had managed to stay out of the path of those enemy ships, but Kathryn Janeway was certain that they had not heard the last of the Kazon or of Dellon Casius for the matter. It was just a question of when their paths would cross again.

The strain of this realization was evident in Kathryn's recent mood swing. Chakotay could see her shoulders tense and her voice raise whenever the slightest little thing went wrong. The other morning he had been waiting patiently for the turbolift when Kathryn had emerged from her quarters, yelling something at a sobbing Michael, pulling the boy by the wrist more roughly then she probably cared to do so out of the room. It seemed that even the children were getting their fair share of their mother's tension. He noticed the crew was walking on eggshells around her. He was even weary around her, worrying that sooner rather than later she was going to snap from the strain.

Chakotay looked across the horizon into the bright sunny day. Pockets of away teams were scattered about, their red, teal, and gold uniforms dots of color on the landscape. Neelix was tilling around in some dirt near by him. He soon became aware of another sound, not of the gentle breeze, or chatting crewmen, but rather a voice calling out. Some one was calling his name. Turning his head he saw Joe Carey, the red headed Assistant Chief Engineer running full speed down the hill towards them. "Commander!"

"What is it Lieutenant?" Chakotay asked. The man thrust something into his hand. It was a fruit of some type, round with golden yellow, smooth skin. Almost like an apple. Carey seemed to think so as well and pointed out that there were trees filled with them just over the hill. Chakotay felt a small smile grace his lips. With everything they had gathered surely this would lighten Kathryn's mood. Neelix was suddenly snatching the fruit out of his hand.

"Kaylos! Aren't they gorgeous?" Neelix slapped the fruit back down into Carey's hand. "One bite will kill you, puff you up like a vakol fish. First your windpipe swells and just when you think you're going to suffocate, ow!" He leaned down, overacting to get his point across that the fruit was poisonous. "You get a sharp pain in your knees that begins to work it's way right up to—."

Chakotay grabbed a hold of his arm. "Neelix, I think we get the picture."

Neelix straightened his from. "Sorry Mister Carey. Just remember the old trader's axiom: Never judge a fruit by its skin." The first officer rolled his eyes as an ugly root of some kind was placed into his hands. "Take a bite," Neelix encouraged him.

"What is it?"

"Leola root."

Reluctantly Chakotay took a bite and immediately spit it out. It tasted horribly and he couldn't quite put his finger on what it resembled on Earth, but a million different things that had pungent tastes began to run through his mind. He thought this tiny root was by far worse than anything he had ever tasted growing up in the Alpha Quadrant. "You expect us to eat this?" he snapped, sounding to his surprise like Kathryn had sounded the past few days. It was a good thing that she had not led this away team, she may have taken a phaser to the Talaxian for giving her something that awful the way her temper was going the past few days.

"This is the reason I brought you here, Commander," Neelix stated. "There's no better source of vitamins and minerals in the Quadrant than in this ugly, little root."

Chakotay scowled. "I'd find the second-best-source acceptable if it tasted better."

Neelix chuckled and got down onto all fours to begin to dig the roots out. "You humans, you're not used to roughing it, are you? Well, take it from one who knows. The day may come when you'll relish every last crunch of leola." He waved for Chakotay and Carey to help him and the other two men reluctantly got down onto the ground with him to help dig the repulsive little roots up.

Chakotay wasn't sure about that. In fact he could already see Michael Janeway's face when the boy was forced to eat it. The child was having trouble as it was accepting the food that Neelix prepared and Ava, well, if she could she would just live the rest of her life off of the cereal that Kathryn replicated for her. _No wonder Kathryn's cranky, I would be too having to force my children to eat food that I don't even like. _Sighing, Chakotay got down and began to help Neelix dig. He would certainly be glad when they left this stretch of space behind them, but that could be months from now. Not that things were going to get much better he mused, the Delta Quadrant was proving to be a part of space that was far more hostile then anything they had encountered in the Alpha Quadrant. Even the dispute with the Cardassians wasn't nearly as violent as some of the other conflicts they had encountered on their now three month journey, and then of course had come Sarah Barrett's warning that the Borg Project believed the Borg to have originated in the Delta Quadrant.

Thinking of Sarah suddenly caused Chakotay to snap his head up and look around. When was the last time he had seen their counselor? He had spoken to Harry Kim, who was a member of her team, but he had not spoken to Sarah in what felt like hours. _Damn_, he thought, _not good; I should have checked in with her_. He was about to reach up and tap his combadge to contact her when it twittered.

"_Voyager to away team._"

Chakotay pressed his badge. "Go ahead Captain." Even over the comline her voice sounded strained.

"_Any unexpected lifesigns down there_?"

He stood up, brushing the dirt off his pants and pulled out his tricorder. He waved it around a bit before sliding it back into its holster. "Nothing but bloodworms. Neelix wants to bring some back for a tartar he wants to make. I'm trying to talk him out of it." Thinking back to their first argument over what kind food the Talaxian was going to bring on the ship, Chakotay wished even more that Sarah was around. Perhaps she would have been able to talk Neelix out of brining the disgusting bloodworms back to the ship.

Kathryn paused for a while before answering, no doubt collecting herself. "_We're picking up an unidentified ship in low orbit, collect your teams and prepare to transport back while we investigate._"

"Acknowledged," he replied. At least now they wouldn't have time to collect the bloodworms. "Chakotay out." He informed the teams to report to the transport site and began to walk over the terrain. Neelix didn't look too happy. Chakotay tried not to make eye contact with him, the self proclaimed chef was making his already frayed nerves even more frayed. _Sarah can deal with him when she returns. _Neelix was already sputtering protests that he had more things he wanted to collect. "Sorry, Neelix, the Captain wants us back on _Voyager. _Orders are orders" He watched as the man walked away grumbling. At any other time Chakotay may have found it amusing, but he was finding that very few things amused him lately. He felt his badge twitter again.

This time Kathryn's voice sounded more anxious than anything. "_Voyager to away team, return to the ship immediately._"

Something was wrong; Chakotay could hear it in her voice as he acknowledged her. Things were going to get even worse. He noticed Harry looking about, a concerned expression on his face. "Where are Lieutenant Barrett and Ensign Seska?" the young operation's officer asked.

_Damnit I knew I should have checked in with Sarah sooner. _He tapped his combadge. "Chakotay to Barrett." There was no response. He felt butterflies begin to flutter about in his stomach. He had a sneaky feeling that whatever the reason Kathryn wanted them back on _Voyager _was responsible for Sarah not answering her com calls. "Chakotay to Seska." Again there was nothing but silence. He found it was unnerving that two officers had suddenly disappeared right from underneath his nose. _How the hell did this happen? _"Transporter room, can you pick up Lieutenant Barrett and Ensign Seska's com signals?"

"_Negative Commander, I'm not reading any sign of either of them._"

_Wonderful, _Chakotay growled to himself.

"They both were picking berries with our group, over by the hillside," Harry said, pointing to the area they had been perhaps twenty minutes before. "There were caves nearby," he recalled, glancing at the commander.

Chakotay frowned. "If one of them went inside, it's safe to say that they went together. And it might be blocking their signals. Sarah wouldn't want Seska roaming around on her own," he suddenly wished he had not worded it that way. Harry gave him a puzzled look. Even though Kathryn had wanted to keep Tuvok's investigation into a traitor quiet, rumors were floating around the ship like debris in a battlefield. "We're on an unexplored planet, Harry; it's not safe to wander around by yourself."

"Oh, right sir."

"The rest of you get to the ship. I'm going to go look for them," Chakotay announced, pulling out his tricorder and heading off in the direction that Harry had pointed in. He wasn't picking up any readings of either woman and it was concerning him that the closer he got to the caves, the readings were not changing. They couldn't have just disappeared. Well, reasoned, they could have. Kathryn had informed him of a ship in low orbit, hiding itself from _Voyager. _Right now for all Chakotay knew the two women were on board that ship. He shivered in the warm air. He didn't want to think about what was happening to them if that was the case. A ship hiding itself from _Voyager _was more than likely not a friendly ship.

As he climbed one last hill the caves came into sight. His tricorder started to beep that it was picking up human life signs, although he couldn't pinpoint the location because it was not from Sarah's combadge. The readings were not making him feel any better, though. They were sporadic and he wasn't even sure if it was his readings or Sarah's. The caves were proving to be a tricky thing for the tricorders to adjust too. There was some type of mineral in them that was throwing off the scanners. Chakotay inched forward towards the caves, free hand brushing the handle of his phaser just to make sure that it was there. He didn't know what he was going to find and he as sure as hell was not going to get caught off guard. His senses prickled slightly as he got even closer to the caves, rounding around some berry bushes, probably not the ones that Harry had seen the two women picking from earlier. They were quite a distance from those, which made Chakotay ponder how the two women had wandered so far without anyone noticing.

He tripped suddenly. Regaining his balance he glanced down to see Sarah, sprawled on her back, lying underneath the berry brushes, unconscious. Discarding the tricorder he fell to the ground besides her and reached up to check for a pulse. It was there, but it was not strong. Furiously he reached up and tapped his combadge. "Chakotay to _Voyager_, I have a medical emergency, beam Lieutenant Barrett directly to sickbay!" While he waited for answer he inspected her prone form to see if there was any sign of injury, whether it was from a weapon or fist or animal, anything to explain why she was just lying there. He was sickened to find that there appeared to be nothing externally wrong with her. _What the hell is going on? _

"_Sir, I'm not reading her signal._"

Chakotay was about to reply that he was going to move her away from the caves when he noticed that her combadge was gone. Someone had ripped it off her uniform so they wouldn't pick up her signal. He reached behind him and grabbed his tricorder and placed it onto her stomach. "Can you pick up my tricorder?"

"_Yes sir." _

"Lock onto it and transport it to sickbay."

Sarah's form was swept up in the transporter beam and he felt his heart start to hammer in his chest. Kathryn's concerns about that ship had been justified that was sure. Standing on two shaky legs he pulled his phaser and entered the darkened cave. There was no doubt in his mind now that there was someone else on the planet with them and that they were responsible for Sarah's medical condition. He half wished that he had a tricorder with him, so he could at least have a warning if someone other than Seska was coming, but Sarah's life could have been hanging in the balance, it was a sacrifice he was willing to make. He heard the shuffling of feet besides his own, male voices coming towards him in the dark. He ducked behind a rock and watched as two alien forms strode through the dimly lit cave. Kazon.

Chakotay really felt his heart thundering now. The Kazon could have come across Sarah and Seska picking berries. Why Sarah had been left behind he wasn't sure. His main priority was finding Seska at the moment. He waited until the Kazon were out of sight before continuing. Each step he took he found himself looking wearily over his shoulder, something he had picked up from his days with the Maquis. It wasn't a bad skill to have out here in the Delta Quadrant either.

Suddenly a Starfleet issued phaser was pointed at his face. He jolted and stepped back.

"Oh, thank the Prophets!"

Letting out a sigh of relief himself he lowered his phaser. "Seska, what are you doing here?"

"Mushrooms, I saw them growing by the mouth of the cave," the Bajoran answered. "I wanted to teach Neelix how to make your favorite soup."

Chakotay frowned a little. " I appreciate the thought, but we've got to get out of here. Besides, you know you shouldn't have come in here alone. Why didn't you take Sarah with you?"

"I did. She was right behind me."

"I found her outside the cave, unconscious."

"You don't think…the Kazon have been following me this whole time…do you?"

"There's a good chance they have," he said, grabbing her by the arm. He turned about and found the two Kazon from before standing before him. Instinctively he fired his phaser, catching one of them in the shoulder. He wasn't so lucky on his next shot; in fact he didn't even get it off before he was hit on the chest with the Kazon's weapon. A pain shot through him and he fell to the cold cave floor. He heard Seska fire her weapon and take care of the last Kazon and then grab him by the arm, dragging him out of the cave. He was in so much pain that he couldn't even call for a beam out. Seska was the one to do so.

As they stepped off the transporter pad, she shook her head. "Always have to play the hero, don't you?" She shook her head some more. "One of these days, Chakotay, it's going to get you killed. Come let's get you to sickbay."

* * *

_Captain's Log, Stardate 48658.2; we successfully left orbit without further interference from the Kazon. Commander Chakotay was injured and is going to recover. Lieutenant Barrett's condition remains a mystery._

* * *

Kathryn Janeway tried to relax her muscles as she stepped out of the turbolift and onto deck five. It was proving to be folly since her entire body was tighter than a sailor's knot. She walked as quickly as her aching body would let her and stepped inside of sickbay. The Doctor was buzzing around and almost collided with her when she entered. He didn't even bat an eyelash.

The Captain frowned and looked towards the surgical biobed where Sarah Barrett was lying. As she stepped closer she could hear the faint beeps of the biocomputer situated near the bed. It made her stomach churn with bad memories of Ava lying there two weeks before, dying because of her incompetent decision to install transwarp engines on her ship without even have a fully functioning one on another ship. That disaster had cost her seven crew members and nearly the life of her daughter. She still had a bad taste in her mouth when she thought about those harrowing few days when everything seemed to be lost. She had promised herself to never again lose herself to the emotion. She was the captain, she had to be the rock, personal feelings be damned.

Blue eyes fell on her young counselor now. She looked peaceful in the bright lights, like she was simply asleep and aside from some dust on her uniform there appeared to be nothing wrong with her. "Doctor," Kathryn called out to the hologram. She thought she heard him sigh disgustedly before he moved across the room to stand besides her. "Report, please."

"For reasons that I cannot determine, Lieutenant Barrett is dying," the Doctor stated, bluntly. "Well, that isn't entirely true. She is dying from some type of toxin, however, I cannot figure out where she may have ingested this toxin. I found no food in her stomach and no signs of an animal or insect bite. Not to mention I scanned every last member of that away team and none of them have this in their system so it's not even something in the air."

"Is it possible the Kazon did this?" Kathryn asked, with an edge to her voice.

"I didn't find any marks that suggest she was injected," the Doctor rebuked.

"She had to have been given the poison some how!" Kathryn snapped angrily, pushed to her limit. "It just didn't appear in her system out of thin air!"

Across the room she could see Chakotay jolt slightly at her raised voice. Kathryn couldn't even bear to look her first officer in the eyes at the moment. They would be filled with a deep concern for her and she found that whenever she looked at him her emotions took control. She couldn't let that happen, she couldn't unleash an emotional conflict within herself if her crew was to survive. There was only one emotion she was feeling now, and that was anger. Burying as much of her anger as she could deep within her she took a long breath. "Someone had to have given her the toxin, Doctor."

The hologram's face flashed with malcontent for a moment. "Did you ever consider that perhaps she gave it to herself?" When the woman's eyes flashed with fury he continued, "Maybe this is what she wanted. She's as stable as a rickety old table leg."

Kathryn felt herself bristle with rage. She wanted to reach out and smack the hologram hard but realized it would do little good. The Doctor wouldn't even feel it sting his skin. _Damn him, _she thought angrily. For the first time she found herself giving the hologram one of her glares. She dropped her voice to a husky, threatening whisper, "If I ever, _EVER _hear you speaking like that again about one of my officers I will personally decompile your program. Is that clear?"

"Quite clear, Captain," he snarled, moving away from the biobed into his office.

Kathryn stood with her back to the room for a moment, breathing deeply trying to calm herself. _Of all the cruel, cold, heartless things to say—. _Clenching and unclenching her fists she channeled her anger deep within her. She was going to get to the bottom of this, whether or not this was Sarah's doing, which she didn't think so, Sarah had been at peace with herself, despite all the misfortune that had been thrust their way. No, she told herself, this had to have been the working of the Kazon some how, she refused to believe it to be any other way. Swallowing angry tears that threatened to escape her eyes, she turned on her heel and started to move out of the room, until his eyes fell upon her face and she caught sight of him.

Chakotay was looking at her with pensive eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but seemed to think better of it. He was waiting for her to take the lead.

Slowly Kathryn moved towards the door, his eyes following her, scrutinizing her perhaps. But he didn't say a word, not one blasted word, and for whatever reason she was finding his silence even more maddening then his talking to her would have been. Maybe, she concluded finally as she stopped at the door, she _needed _him to speak. "Something on your mind, Commander?"

"I was just wondering, when was the last time you slept," Chakotay said, calmly.

Kathryn kept her back to him. "Is that really of importance right now?"

"Yes, you can't run this ship exhausted, Captain." He noticed her fists clench so tightly at her sides this time that her knuckles turned white. She was still refusing to look at him. Chakotay knew that he was walking a fine line at the moment, but if the first officer didn't tell his captain that she too was walking a similar line, then who would? Slowly he saw her turning towards him. Her eyes were raging and he felt a shiver run up and down his spine at the sight.

"I'll run my ship anyway I want too Commander," she hissed. Kathryn was about to leave when he spoke up, again.

"You feel guilty, don't you, about Sarah?"

Her breath caught at this. He had of course hit the nail on the head. She did feel guilty that Sarah was dying for unknown reasons because Kathryn had been the one to order her to keep an eye on Seska and several others whom Tuvok had signaled out in his investigation. She had put the young woman directly in the line of fire and now, quite possibly Sarah was going to pay for it with her life. Chakotay had hit a sore spot and it made her even angrier. She didn't think she was capable of so much anger, but here she was just feeling more and more, minute by minute. Several seconds of silence passed between the two before Kathryn finally found her voice buried beneath the rage. "I am her commanding officer; of course I feel some responsibility for what's happened to her."

Chakotay wasn't buying it. "Just some?" he questioned moving off the biobed towards her. "It might only be three months since we started working together, but I think I've gotten a simple understanding of you, Kathryn. You would do anything to keep your crew safe. For the last three weeks we've been roaming hostile territory, trying to find a place for rest. The crew has come to accept it a long time ago that rest is just not going to come right now. It's time that you do the same thing Kathryn or we're all going to suffer because of it."

She raised her chin in defiance. "Right now my crew needs me more than I need sleep. That's just the way things are Commander."

"The crew can take care of themselves, Captain, for a few hours while you rest."

"I understand that, Commander, but it's not an option right now, not when you need to recover," Kathryn argued, realizing that she was probably going to lose this argument. "When you're back on duty, I promise, I'll rest."

Chakotay's eyes grew darker. "Not good enough, Captain. The Doctor has cleared me for duty. The only one putting up barriers is you."

"So what are you going to do Chakotay? Relieve me?"

"If it comes down to that, yes."

He noticed the fists clenching at her sides again. Rage was burning in her irises. Chakotay knew that the line had been drawn in the sand and he had leapt over it. But he was damned if he was going to let her go on like this. He had just heard her threaten to decompile the Doctor. Of course, the hologram's comments had been way out of line, but he had never thought Kathryn would go as for as to threaten to delete him if he crossed those lines again. "I suppose if I don't go," she finally said, fists pounding on the sides of her thighs, "you'll get Tuvok involved as well." It was more of a statement then a question and he had to admit that she was right. He would have had the Vulcan physically escort her back to her quarters to rest if he had too.

Chakotay opened his mouth to speak again but Kathryn raised a hand in the air. "Don't bother, Commander. I'm suddenly too tired to even continue this conversation." With that she turned on her heel and left the room. She had to admit that the exhaustion had not fully been realized until she had been standing there fighting with him. It had slammed into her full force and with a vengeance. There was some truth to what Chakotay was saying; the crew was going to suffer eventually from her pushing herself. But it wasn't easy for her to turn the other cheek. She had gotten them all stranded here in the first place, it was her job, and her job alone to get them through this journey safely.

She reached out and pressed the button to access the turbolift. The doors opened and she stepped wearily inside. "Deck three," she whispered. The computer chirped and the lift began to ascend. Several moments later she stepped out onto the deck, her feet feeling heavy in her boots. The exhaustion had also expelled the anger she noticed as she punched in her access code to her quarters.

It was quiet. Kes had taken Michael for the day to work in the hydroponics bay. Ava was situated on her play mat, but Kathryn could see that the child was out like a light, head titled to one side, a tiny fist clenched over her chest. Kathryn watched the rise and fall of her daughter's chest for a moment. If she was completely honest with herself, it had not been the lack of shore leave for the crew that was keeping her up or her guilt for not protecting her crew from death and destruction, but the images of her daughter fighting for her life plagued her dreams. Several times she woke up crying out for the baby, she never remembered why, but she had a good idea that the child had died in her dream. Crossing the room Kathryn lowered her body onto the sofa and continued to study her daughter, losing herself in troubling thoughts.

"Captain Janeway?" Tal Celes' voice broke the silence. "I wasn't expecting you to come by so soon."

"I need to take a break, Tal, you can leave," Kathryn said, with a simple wave of her hand. Tal stood there for a moment, eyes searching her captain's face, but Kathryn knew that the young woman was not comfortable enough to talk to her on a more personal level. _Will any of them ever be comfortable enough to talk to me on a personal level? You're doing a damn good job of pushing them away, you know that Kathryn? _"I'll see you in the morning."

Tal nodded her head, placed the jumper she had been folding down onto the table, and exited the room. Kathryn stared at the shut doors for a long moment before finally lying down on the sofa. Pressing an arm across her eyes she let exhaustion finally win the battle that had been raging.

* * *


	47. Chapter 47

* * *

"Do you need something Mister Paris?"

Tom Paris looked up at the Doctor. The hologram was standing in the middle of the room looking annoyed like usual. Tom of course had heard rumors about Kathryn Janeway threatening to decompile him. Of course, the reasons for this seemed varied. Tom wasn't even sure it was the truth that the captain had threatened the hologram in the first place. It didn't seem like her. Then again, she hadn't been herself the last few weeks while they were trying to transverse through this part of space that seemed to have enemy ships around every corner. He had seen her lose her cool on more than one occasion and they all had not been pretty sights. "I just came to visit Lieutenant Barrett."

The hologram looked over at the biobed where Sarah was. "It won't be much of a visit," he stated, bluntly. "I don't foresee her waking up anytime soon. But, if you wish, pull up a chair. I apparently don't have any say on this ship, so be my guest."

Tom tried to smile. "Thanks, Doc." Even though he was sincere, the Doctor scowled at him, and walked away. Tom sighed and grabbed a chair near Sarah's bed and pulled it up to the edge. She was now wearing a blue surgical gown, her hair had been taken out of the twist she had worn it in that day, and she simply looked like she was in a deep, peaceful sleep. But Tom knew otherwise. Her body was fighting a horrible battle right now, one that she would lose if the Doctor didn't figure out what was killing her. Reaching underneath the blanket he found her hand. It was cold; life it seemed was already draining from her. Tom felt his emotions churning as his fingers ran over hers.

Memories of lying on the biobed, unable to move, gazing up into her sapphire eyes, filtered through his tired mind; she had been the one to hold him together. He could still feel her lips softly brushing his, giving him something to live for, something to come back too. But he had yet to explore anything deeper with her. Repairs to the ship had kept him busy while maintaining crew morale after the memorial of eight people had kept her out of reach. Tom had hardly seen her since they departed from the Fedori space station. Occasionally they would cross paths in the mess hall, but their conversations had been limited and their time congested with the need to get back to work. And now there was a good possibility that she was going to die without them ever knowing what truly was happening between them.

Tom looked around the room for a moment. The Doctor was busy in his office and Kes was off duty. Slowly he leaned down, brushing a stray piece of coffee hair out of Sarah's face. His lips brushed against hers, whispering, "Now you have to come back."

* * *

Two things woke Kathryn Janeway from her restless slumber. One was the baby sitting on top of her, the other the Doctor trying to raise her over the comline. Groggily she pushed Ava off of her chest and hit her combadge. "Go ahead Doctor."

"Could you and Commander Chakotay please report to sickbay?" the Doctor's voice was being overly polite and Kathryn had no doubt in her mind that was a direct result from her threatening him that afternoon. "I finished running my tests on Counselor Barrett and I've found something interesting to say the least. I think you and the Commander are going to want to see my findings right away."

Something resembling a cold dread crept into her now awake senses. "I'm on my way, Doctor; Janeway out." Ava made a little protest when her mother got off the sofa. Kathryn frowned down at her, what she wouldn't give to curl back up on that sofa and cuddle with her baby, but duty called. "Sorry, little bird. I have work to do." Tapping her combadge again she informed Chakotay that he needed to report to sickbay and was halfway out the door when she realized she had sent Tal home for the day. Cursing she turned about and snatched Ava up and ran to the turbolift. Hopefully this meeting wouldn't take long and she could find something to occupy the child while it was taking place.

When she entered sickbay she found Chakotay already waiting. The Doctor didn't look pleased that she had brought her daughter along with her, but she ignored the look. She didn't need to remind him that he was walking a fine line. Placing Ava down onto the empty biobed they were gathered around, she gave the child a tricorder to play with, and then turned towards her officers, straightening her tunic. "Well, now that we're all here Doctor, report please?"

"I took a sample of the toxin in Lieutenant Barrett's bloodstream in the hopes that perhaps it is in our database," the hologram started. "I figured it was a long shot, but…there was a match."

Kathryn felt her heart beat quicken. "Are you suggesting that this…toxin came from _Voyager_?"

"It most definitely came from _Voyager_," the Doctor replied. His eyes passed between the Captain and First Officer before continuing. "The toxin in her bloodstream is actually not a toxin at all, well in the typical word, but is actually Cardassian medicine."

"Cardassian?" Chakotay questioned a twinge of anger in his voice. "Why would _Voyager _have Cardassian medicines on board?"

"After the treaty was signed with the Cardassians, it was required of all starships to have the basic medicines for Cardassians in case we responded to a distress signal," Kathryn replied. "I once read somewhere that certain Cardassian medicines can be toxic to humans, not as fast acting as a poison, but it can slowly start to shut down your pulmonary functions. Is this what you think has happened to Sarah?"

The Doctor nodded his head. "The medicine would take at least twenty four hours to get into her system and start causing damage, but even then it is slow moving, she may have just thought she was eating something that didn't agree with her, or just coming down with a cold. I believe that she may have been injected several days ago, which would not have come up on my initial scans. I've begun treating her, but it will take several hours before she is conscious again. I thought it best to bring this information to you and the Commander first, Captain."

"So it's clear that someone poisoned her, and that someone is on board this ship," Kathryn mused.

"Has Tuvok's investigation turned up anything?" Chakotay asked. He knew the Vulcan was secretly investigating the failed transwarp test run but so far he had heard nothing from Tuvok or from Janeway about what he had turned up so far.

Kathryn was frowning. "Nothing yet, whoever sent the message to the Kazon covered their tracks pretty good. And the coils were so heavily damaged we're not sure exactly _how _they were tampered with. It was just obvious that they were. My gut tells me that it's someone down in Engineering, they would have been the only ones that had access to the coils, oh and Harry, but unless Mister Kim is an excellent actor, I don't think it was him; he's still torn up over that disaster." She saw his face contort with a thousand different emotions. She reached out and gently touched his arm. "I know you have close friends down there Chakotay, and I'm sorry if it ends up being one of them."

"Captain," the Doctor said, "there's something else."

"Oh?"

"Whoever did this would have to be have some knowledge in Cardassian medicine," the hologram replied. "The medicine had to be precisely dosed or it would have killed her instantly. My guess is that they wanted to make this look like she was simply...ill."

_Who would have that kind of knowledge on this ship? _Kathryn thought, rubbing her temple for a moment. She raised her eyes to Chakotay. Could someone on the Maquis have this kind of knowledge? It seemed rather useless to them, unless they were going to assassinate someone to make it look like the Cardassians did it. She bit her lip. She did not want Chakotay to think that she was singling out his people, but everything seemed to be pointing that direction. "Do…do any of your people have this kind of knowledge?"

His eyes became dark with rage. "Are you suggesting that a Maquis did this, Captain?"

"No," she said slowly, "I'm just trying to narrow our search field down."

"To be honest with you, Captain, I didn't ask what their knowledge in medicine was, or anything else for the matter," he snapped. "We didn't have the luxury of replacement officers like you people in the Federation did. If someone offered to fight for me, I took them. Could there be anyone in _Starfleet _that has this kind of knowledge?"

The heat in his question made her wince. She glanced at the Doctor. "The only people who would have known, are the CMO and nurse, who are dead, the Doctor, who can't leave this room, Kes, and Tom Paris; all of them would have been brought up to speed on Cardassian medicine and how toxic it could be to humans."

"And you, as well, would have been made aware of it because you're the captain," Chakotay pointed out. Now that got an angry flash from her.

"Are you suggesting that I _did_ this?"

"I'm just trying to narrow our search field down."

Ava let out a little whimper from the biobed. Kathryn reached down and grabbed her spinning about on her heel. "I don't have to stand here and listen to this," she mumbled angrily. "Doctor, inform me when Sarah's awake." With that she stormed out of the room.

Chakotay noticed the hologram give him a disapproving look, but he really didn't care. Later he knew that he would feel remorse for what he had just said to her, but right now he was so overtaken with anger that she could so quickly point the finger at one of his people and not her own, that it didn't matter that he had probably hurt her, deeply. Inhaling sharply he left the room without saying a word to the Doctor. The corridor felt cooler then sickbay had. He felt instant calm begin to take over his senses as he began to walk the deck towards the lift. Once inside he ordered it go back to the Bridge where he had been when Janeway had requested that he join her in sickbay.

He had been irked that the Doctor had woken her up from what he hoped was a restful sleep. If anyone had seen the strain on Kathryn Janeway then it had been the hologram. It was apparent too when she arrived at sickbay that she had not gotten a lot of rest. He had barely parted ways with her a couple of hours before. And he had made things worse by insinuating that she had been the one to give Sarah the medicine. "Computer, halt turbo lift."

The lift stopped. "Locate Captain Janeway?"

"_Captain Janeway is in the ready room." _

_Damn woman, _he grumbled to himself, asking the computer to resume the lift. It was almost as if she _wanted _him to relieve her of duty, a challenge of some sort. Well, she was a challenge in herself, Chakotay realized. The anger was beginning to swell inside of him again. He knew he had to get a hold of it or he was going to make matters worse than they already were. Stepping out onto the bridge he noticed that it was tense. No doubt Kathryn had just stormed in here a few moments ago. Over his shoulder Tom Paris glanced up at the first officer with a fleeting look in his eyes before turning back towards the helm.

Taking a deep breath, Chakotay stepped up to the ready room doors and pressed the chime. A few seconds later the doors swished open and he stepped inside the room to find Kathryn tackling a stack of PADDs on her desk. She didn't look up at him, didn't even acknowledge that he had stepped in the room. Ava, who was playing on the nearby sofa, look up at him with large blue eyes, eyes that reminded him of a summer sky. He cleared his throat, "Captain."

"Have you come to accuse me of other crimes, Commander?" she hissed, still not looking up at him.

"No ma'am."

"Good, then get the hell out."

_Spirits, this woman is infuriating. _"I can't do that, Captain."

"Oh," she said, hotly. "Why ever not?"

"Because, we need to…fix this."

Her eyes finally snapped up to meet his and he saw the anger, the pain flashing through them like lightening on the horizon. "What's there to fix, Commander? It's quite obvious how you feel."

"Kathryn," he said, hoping her first name would soften her up. "I'm sorry. I said mean and hurtful things to you and…it was out of line." He cocked a grin. "Too bad I'm not a hologram; you could have just threatened to decompile me."

The joke and the usage of her first name got the softness he wanted. She grinned; he felt his heart flutter at the sight. "No, but I could throw you in the brig for even suggesting that the captain would intentionally hurt a member of her crew."

He winced at the memory. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I know better; you care about this crew, you would never do something like this."

The door chimed again and she gruffly called out admittance. Tuvok stepped into the room, his dark eyes soaking in the scene. He stepped up to the desk and handed Kathryn another PADD. "Here are the results of my investigation that you asked for, Captain. Along with the medicine that the Doctor reported missing, I've found that there are several…key components…to make a replicator strangely ommited."

Her eyes flickered up to meet Tuvok's. "Are you suggesting that someone stole the components right from underneath our noses?"

"Yes, it appears to be that way, Captain," Tuvok answered. "I shouldn't have to remind you Captain, that two weeks ago, _Voyager _was severely disabled. It would have been easy for someone to steal the components and medicine without anyone else taking notice. When we did an inventory of supplies after all repairs were made, it was logical to assume that the missing components were…destroyed in the transwarp test drive. I have also learned that communications, although masked in our subspace wake, were made to the Kazon three days prior to the test run and just before we arrived at the planetoid."

Kathryn took in a sharp breath. "Have you figured out by whom?"

"I'm still trying to clear up all the barriers that they left behind. But I believe that it originated in Engineering."

"Sarah said the same thing," Kathryn breathed, standing up, finger tips resting on the edge of her desk. "She told me that when she was down there recently she got the feeling that something wasn't right."

Chakotay's mind wandered to the caves, Sarah's body sprawled out near by, Seska lurking in the shadows. Was it possible that she had been apart of this? That Seska had been the one to poison Sarah, to contact the Kazon? There was no hiding the fact that there was no love for Janeway where Seska was concerned. Her name hung on his lips, but he couldn't force himself to voice it. They had shared too much for Chakotay to just suddenly jump to conclusions. But he would be the first person to admit that their relationship had changed considerably since the Maquis had joined _Voyager_.

Chakotay had been uncomfortable around her since they came aboard _Voyager. _She had made it clear she didn't support Kathryn Janeway's decision to destroy the Caretaker's array. And even though he had told her that it would never work out between them, he had been more adamant about that since joining _Voyager's _crew. Seska had agreed, but last night she had tried putting her arms around him. He had recoiled from her touch. It just didn't feel right. Her voice echoed through the room when she informed him that there weren't many potential mates in the Delta Quadrant and Kathryn's face flashed before his eyes. The sudden image had startled him and he had missed what Seska had said before she left, but he was certain he saw a sly little grin on her face; something about B'Elanna needing to move faster on young Ensign Kim.

"_Paris__ to Janeway._"

"Go ahead."

"_We're picking up a distress signal from a Kazon-Nistrim ship about three light years from here. Long range sensors are picking up heavy readings of nucleogenic radiation, ma'am." _

The Captain's eyes rose to meet the First Officer's. "I think we just discovered who has our technology."

* * *


	48. Chapter 48

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: Pretty lengthy chapter, trying to condense small chapters posts from before into bigger ones now.

* * *

Tom Paris heard his console beep. Sliding his chair over he ran his fingers across the smooth controls and reported, "We're approaching the coordinates, Captain."

Kathryn Janeway's fingers gripped the edge of the command chair. "All stop, Mister Paris. Mister Kim, are your sensors picking up any life signs on that Kazon vessel?" She felt Neelix bristle nervously besides her and tried to ignore it. She had asked him to be on the bridge in case they had to deal directly with the Kazon. Each sect was a new mystery to her, but each seemed to hold their own amount of violence. Janeway would be happy when they left Kazon space behind.

"None ma'am," Harry Kim replied. "But I am reading high concentrations of nucleogenic radiation contained behind a force field. There are also traces of a Federation alloy on board, perhaps a console. Should I try transporting it?" His dark eyes rose to look at the back of his captain's head. Slowly he saw her turn her face towards him and for the first time, Harry truly saw how exhausted Janeway really was. Her eyes didn't hold as much fire in them as he was used to, and her hair wasn't nearly as neat and well kept like normal. He had been so busy the last few days himself that he had barely noticed his commanding officer's strain. "We can erect a similar force field in Engineering in case some of the radiation is transported over with the console."

Janeway gave him a small nod of her head. "Go to Engineering, Harry, and inform Lieutenant Torres we're transporting a console over for inspection."

He had barely made it away from his station when consoles began to blare what felt like a thousand different warnings. Harry rushed back to his station just as Tuvok was reporting that his sensors were picking up an increased level of nucleogenic radiation, it was leaking out from behind the force field and contaminating the warp core. Everyone on the bridge knew what that meant, the Kazon ship was about to blow. Harry's fingers furiously ran over his controls. "Captain, a warp core breach is eminent; I estimate that the Kazon ship is going to blow in about thirty seconds."

She leapt from her chair. "Get us out of here Lieutenant Paris!"

The engines had barely been engaged when the Kazon ship exploded into a brilliant ball of fire. _Voyager _rocked for a moment before settling back down. Janeway moved towards the rail, bracing herself against it. "Damage report?"

"We sustained none, Captain," Tuvok replied to the relief of everyone; they had just finished putting this ship back together they didn't want to have to start all over again, right away.

Tom heard his captain let out a sigh of relief and he peeked at her over his shoulder. She had her eyes closed but her face was as white as a sheet. It had been a close call, that was for sure, but he didn't think it was that close. They had mustered their way out of hazardous situations in their short three month trip much more frightening then that. Her fatigue, Tom realized was beginning to take its toll. Suddenly her eyes shot open and her whole body went rigid. She moved across the bridge faster than Tom could ever imagine her moving and entered her ready room. He saw Chakotay rise from his chair with a start, looking at the shut doors of the private sanctuary of their commanding officer, as if contemplating following her.

He didn't have too, the doors were opening again and Janeway was stepping back out, cradling a confused looking baby in her arms. Tom had forgotten that Ava had been in the ready room with her mother when they had first picked up the distress signal. Now she looked dazed, like she had just been jolted awake from a nap. Looking at the chronometer on his panel though, he realized that it wasn't a nap she had been woken up from, it was her bed time. _Damn is it that late already? _His stomach gave him a reminder lurch that it was and that he had not eaten since lunch time.

Janeway stopped on the top step leading to her ready room. "Mister Paris, adjust our course and head back to the location of the Kazon ship. I want to go back and investigate that debris."

Tom nodded his head. "Yes, ma'am."

"When we arrive beam several pieces to Engineering," she said, eyeing Harry for a moment.

"What exactly are we looking for, Captain?" Tuvok questioned.

"Whether or not the alloy we detected on the Kazon ship came from _Voyager,_" Janeway said, harshly. Ava let out a frustrated sigh, rubbing at her eyes furiously. Janeway bit down on her lower lip and Tom wondered with a small smirk if she realized that when she was nervous she did that. "I'll be in my quarters, report to me when you've completed your investigation." She moved off of the bridge, not bothering to make eye contact with anyone as she slid into the turbolift.

Tom heard the doors hiss shut as he flew _Voyager _into the debris field of the Kazon ship. When the vessel was in position he reported to Chakotay that they could begin transporting debris on board. Several pieces of hull fragments were beamed to Engineering and Harry was ordered to go and assist B'Elanna Torres. His sensors blipped momentarily and he looked over at them cautiously. _Damn. _"Sir, I'm picking up another Kazon vessel closing in on us, about ten light years from our current position. They must have gotten the distress signal as well."

"Estimated time of arrival, Mister Paris?" Chakotay said warily.

"About four hours, sir," Tom replied, anxiously glancing over his shoulder.

Chakotay let out a frustrated sigh. "Hopefully that will give us enough time to have a reason why their ship blew up, or they're going to think we did it." He lowered his body into his chair and felt exhaustion start to take him over as well. But he couldn't give into it. The affects of Captain Janeway's fatigue were beginning to show on the faces of the crew, if they realized he was tired as well, then things could go rapidly down hill. _And we're without a counselor right now, _he thought, recalling the heated discussion in sickbay just two hours ago. Rubbing his hand over his tired face he silently groaned that he wouldn't be paying his pillow a visit anytime soon. He glanced up at Tom. If he was tired, certainly the rest of the senior staff was tired. "Tom, go get some rest."

"Sir?"

"You've been at the helm since zero eight hundred," Chakotay reminded him, even though he didn't have to. "You must be tired."

"I'm fine sir," Tom quipped.

"Tom, that's an order, go get some sleep, when that Kazon ship arrives in four hours I'm going to need you at your sharpest," Chakotay snapped. He saw the young pilot get up, shoulders squaring, giving into his orders. Something told him though, as Tom moved off of the bridge, that he was not going to go back to his quarters, but rather to sickbay. Chakotay had heard through the gossip vine that Tom had stopped by sickbay during his lunch earlier that day to see Sarah. Maybe she would be a wake and order him herself to get some rest. But he knew that was wishful thinking. There was no guarantee that the Doctor's treatment was going to work, even if the hologram felt particularly confident about it. _Spirits when is this day going to end? _

He called the panel up between the command chairs and tried to focus on the data being collected from sensors. But there was nothing new from what they had originally gathered, which he had been expecting, he just needed something to keep him busy while they waited for B'Elanna's report and the Kazon ship to arrive. He briefly wondered if he should inform the Captain. Shaking his head he figured he'd give her a few moments to put Ava to bed and then com her.

_"Sickbay to bridge._"

"Go ahead Doctor," Chakotay mumbled.

"_Lieutenant Barrett is a wake, however groggy. Do you wish to speak to her?_"

Chakotay jumped out of his chair and was in the lift before he responded, "I'm on my way; Chakotay out."

* * *

She felt like she had been drugged a thousand times over. Sarah Barrett stared up at the ceiling in sickbay, trying to focus on one point, but found that her eyes were either getting bad or just lazy. It was very blurry. The Doctor was speaking to her, telling her that she had been given some form of Cardassian medicine. _Cardassian medicine? My ears must be going too. _Turning her head slightly she saw Kes standing by the bed running some scans, Tom glancing over his shoulder like a worried mother. A faint smile touched her face. _How cute, he's fretting over you. _

The more important question was, now, why exactly was he fretting over her? She tried to reach back into her foggy brain to retrieve the memory of why she could possibly be here, in sickbay, but all she remembered was following Seska over some hills, feeling rather sick to her stomach, to pick some berries. The ensign had commented that she had wanted to go into the caves to look for mushrooms, to make Chakotay his favorite soup. Sarah had been apprehensive about those caves. _What happened next? Did we go in?_ She felt panic then. She couldn't remember what happened next. It was as if she had been drunk and the memory was completely erased from her mind. _Why can't I remember! _

Sarah tried to sit up, suddenly, and immediately Tom was there, laying her back down onto the biobed. Her head was spinning from the sudden movement and she realized he was right; she needed to say lying down. "Easy, Sarah, your body is still weak; just try to relax, alright?"

"Tom, what happened?"

"You don't remember?" he asked, his eyes flickering nervously to the Doctor.

"No," she said, "Should I?"

Slowly Tom let out a breath of frustration. They had been banking on her recalling something to point them in the right direction of how the Kazon had followed them without them knowing and how they had ended up with Federation technology that no doubt came from _Voyager. _Oh Janeway could investigate it all she wanted, but in the end, everyone knew where that technology came from. "You…collapsed on the planet."

"Oh," she said, softly. Her face screwed up in confusion. "I don't remember that."

"Most people don't remember collapsing, Lieutenant," the Doctor replied. "That's why it's typically considering a medical emergency."

"I do…I do remember being with Seska," Sarah said, ignoring him or perhaps not registering him. "Maybe she knows what happened."

"Ah, Ensign Seska wasn't even aware you had collapsed," Tom said, nervously. He turned towards the Doctor. "Could the drug have affected her memory?"

The hologram nodded his head. "It's quite possible. I also think it's had some affect on her telepathic abilities." He ran a hand scanner over her entire body. "However, I think eventually, with continued treatment she should make a full recovery."

Tom's grey-blue eyes rose and met those of Chakotay. The first officer had entered the room while the doctor was giving Tom his report. For a moment the two men locked gazes, each concerned by this twist of events, both not missing the fact that the Doctor had said _eventually. _Tom finally broke his look with the Commander and gazed back down at Sarah, her sapphire eyes dull. "How long will that take, a full recovery I mean?" Gently he caressed her cheek with his fingers.

"I'm not sure, I've never had a patient that has been poisoned with Cardassian medicine," the Doctor replied. "Most cases that I have read about in the database claimed that the patient recovered in two or three days. Lieutenant Barrett should be feeling herself in that time. Until then, I'm going to have to keep her here, in sickbay."

"Is she in danger?" Chakotay asked.

"None, I've started treatment," the Doctor replied, mistaking his context.

The first officer heaved a frustrated, exhausted sigh. "No, Doctor, I mean, is she in danger from whoever did this? Someone wanted her dead obviously. Should we be posting security at the door now that she's going to be alright?"

Cold fear gripped Tom. It had never even crossed his mind that Sarah could still be in danger. The rumor around the ship was that the Kazon were the ones to harm her. Well, their sensors indicated that the Kazon ship they had seen in orbit of the planet was now the one blown to a million different pieces off their port bow. But the Doctor had informed him, when he walked in just moments before that he had determined it was a Cardassian medicine from _Voyager _that had made her ill. The person that did this to her was still on board. Tom felt an intense desire to protect her claim him. "Chakotay, it shouldn't matter what the doctor thinks! Security should be posted!"

Gently Chakotay placed a hand on the other man's shoulder, it was an awkward gesture for both of them, but perhaps it showed just how much Chakotay had changed underneath Kathryn Janeway's command. "Lieutenant, I understand your concerns, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that she's safe, I promise, whoever did this is not going to get a second chance."

"I guess extra security wouldn't hurt," the Doctor finally replied.

Chakotay tapped his combadge and ordered Tuvok to post a security detail in sickbay. Sarah gave him a puzzled look for a moment, then a sly little smile that told him, eventually she would be alright. "Really, Chakotay, bodyguards?"

"It's for your own good," he replied with a tender smile. He glanced over his shoulder to see two of Tuvok's security officers slid into the room. Looking back at her, he tried to keep his face bright, but knew that it was failing. "Sarah, I know you're tired. But anything you can remember about those caves or being with Seska on that planet is greatly appreciated."

Sarah blinked for a moment. "Why? What happened down there?"

Chakotay sucked in a deep breath. "We're not really sure, that's why we were hoping you'd remember."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, tears suddenly lacing into her eyes. "I don't remember." Pleading eyes turned towards Tom as the tears streamed down her cheeks. "Tom, why don't I remember?"

Tom hushed her, gently stroking her cheek. "It's been a long day, why don't you rest, alright?" He gestured for the Doctor to give her a sedative to put her back to sleep and the hologram obliged.

As her eyes began to close and her breathing became deeper, she muttered, "Tom I do remember something about the planet; the Kazon were there, at the caves."

* * *

Kathryn Janeway hastily threw her hair into a braid and made her way along the deck to get to the turbolift. Chakotay had commed her when she was in the middle of settling Ava down for the night with two new developments in their investigation; a Kazon ship was closing in on their position and Sarah had mentioned seeing the Kazon near the caves on the planet. Whether it was true or not, since according to Chakotay, Sarah was not totally coherent, Kathryn couldn't be sure. She had thrown together a staff meeting, pulled her boots on, and booked it out of her quarters, still trying to tie down her unruly hair. She was going to get brave enough one of these days and cut it all off. These late night runs to the bridge would go a lot easier if her hair wasn't so long.

As it was she was just finishing the braid when she stepped out of the turbolift onto the bridge. The ensign stationed at operations nodded her head in acknowledgment to the commanding officer before Kathryn slipped into the briefing room. She found the senior officers waiting for her and noted that each of them had a tired, haggard appearance and she was happy she wasn't the only one feeling the strain of the day. "Let's make this quick. We're already approaching twenty-one hundred hours and those Kazon ships are getting closer by the minute."

"The Doctor has informed me that Lieutenant Barrett will make a full recovery," Chakotay leapt right into his report. "Tuvok's posted two security guards in sickbay in case whoever tried to kill her in the first place comes back to finish the job. As for her memories, well right now we don't know how much stock to put in them, she's pretty incoherent at the moment. But, I think right now we have to take her seriously, she said she saw the Kazon at the caves, whether or not that was before or after Seska went in, we can't be certain."

Tom looked agitated. "Why haven't we questioned Seska yet? Isn't it obvious that she's the one responsible?"

"Not if Sarah's memories are garbled right now," B'Elanna Torres snapped. "But, there's something else that you need to be aware of Captain," she continued, eyeing Harry for a moment. "While Ensign Kim and I were scanning the debris we found Sarah's combadge fused to a bulkhead. If there was any doubt that this was the same ship, I don't think there is anymore."

Kathryn's eyes grew dark as she lowered her body into her seat. "Chakotay, you said that when you found her, she didn't have it on?"

"That's right, Captain."

"Then that proves the Kazon were at the caves," Kathryn murmured.

Silence gripped the room for a moment before Tuvok addressed the group. "There is something else that my initial investigation did not come up with, Captain. It appears that the encryption codes that were used to cover up for the stolen replicator components are Cardassian. In short, we should be looking for the possibility that there is a Cardassian agent on board."

"A Cardassian agent, infiltrating a Federation starship?" Tom inquired.

"No," Tuvok replied, "more precisely, a Cardassian agent that infiltrated a Maquis ship."

Kathryn could see Chakotay's face pale and a hostile look that came over B'Elanna. Something from the back of her memory suddenly sprang up to the front. "The Cardassians have been known in the past to alter their appearance so they can infiltrate enemy operations; it's quite possible that they did just that to get on Commander Chakotay's ship." She shook her head. "We were foolish to think that we were the only ones who were going to put a spy on board. Now the question is, how do we find this...agent?"

"Well we know that they were apart of Commander Chakotay's crew before coming on board _Voyager,_" Harry said. "Perhaps we could look at their medical files, see if there are any abnormalities that could account for really being Cardassian."

"That could take forever, Harry," Tom pointed out. "By then the spy would know we're on to them."

"I tend to agree with Mister Paris," Kathryn said. "Chakotay, can you think of anyone that would be cause for concern? Anyone that was suspicious in your eyes?"

Chakotay's lips had become a tightly pressed line. He finally shook his head, too frustrated to talk. Kathryn let out an audible sigh. "Tuvok, work with the Doctor, I guess we're going to have to start with Harry's plan. Everyone gave a blood sample upon arriving on this ship, I suggest that you start there, looking for anyone with Cardassian blood. When you have the results, inform me. We have less than four hours until the Kazon arrive, I want to have something to tell them once they get here; dismissed."

The senior staff all rose and left the room; Kathryn and Chakotay were the only ones left behind. For a moment captain and first officer regarded the other. Today hadn't been their best day as command team, throwing hot accusations at the other and even though he had apologized for his actions in sickbay earlier that day, there was still a tension between them. Kathryn slowly got to her feet, a sympathetic look coming over her tired face. "I'm sorry, Chakotay. I suspect this cannot be easy for you."

"No," he snapped. "You're right, it's not."

"You couldn't have known about a Cardassian spy, disguised as one of your own, Chakotay," Kathryn said, trying to calm the storm. "This person wasn't loyal to you from the beginning, Chakotay; you shouldn't feel…betrayed."

Chakotay's face softened for a moment. "I do feel betrayed Captain. Whoever is responsible has not only given technology to the Kazon, but has also caused the deaths of eight people, seven of them their crewmates! What's worse is that Ava was close to becoming the ninth!" As the words left his mouth he saw her face cloud over with grief. "I'm…sorry…Kathryn, I didn't mean…I should have known that it was still terribly painful for you."

Kathryn forced a smile. "It's alright; in fact it's nice to know that someone else cares for my children as much as I do." She was slightly surprised by her response. Of course she knew that Chakotay was protective of her. When she had been caught in a terrible storm during shore leave, he had been the one to find her and the baby and bring them back to _Voyager. _He had also been the one to cradle Ava in his arms as he rushed her out of the mess hall two weeks ago. She had been too delirious to realize the look of terror on his face at that moment but as her calm mind later went over the memory, she could recall his horror vividly. His protectiveness of her children made her feel…at ease.

"I think I speak to for the whole crew, Kathryn, when I say this; we'd rather die then see those kids hurt."

His words caused tears to creep into her eyes. Never had anyone on any of her crews before this moment claimed that they would die for her children if it meant saving them, of course, none of her other crews had been stranded thousands of light years from home and gotten to know her children besides photographs in her ready room. Chakotay's behavior reminded her of Bryan, or what she thought he would have been like as a father if he had been allowed to meet his daughter. He would have been gentle with her but fiercely protective. Again the at ease feeling began to creep into her frayed nerves. She smiled this time, naturally. "I know Commander and…it makes me feel…confident that if anything…should happen to…me, my children would be…safe, in good hands."

_You don't have to worry about leaving them, Kathryn, because I won't let anything happen to you, _he thought, as she laid the palm of her small hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle pat. The tension that had been between them suddenly vanished into thin air and he was glad that he didn't have to be so…careful around her anymore, at least for the time being. He was about to reach up and grab a hold of that hand when her combadge twittered impatiently.

Kathryn frowned. "Damn," she whispered. Then seeing the questioning look on Chakotay's face, she grinned sheepishly. "I set the computer up to alert me if Ava woke up. Ever since she came back from sickbay I'm having trouble putting her down for the night. You don't mind—."

"No," he interrupted. "Go ahead, Captain. I can handle the bridge and I'll alert you the moment the Kazon arrive. Go take care of Ava, because I'm a firm believer that a cranky baby leads to a cranky captain the next morning." He grinned at her, dimples flashing before he turned on his heel and exited the conference room onto the bridge.

With a shake of her head Kathryn slipped out of the room and into the lift. When she got back to her quarters a sleepy eyed Michael was standing in her bedroom. "Mama," he whined, "make Ava stop crying."

Kathryn went into the nursery and plucked Ava out of her crib. Immediately Ava's hysterical cries turned to small whimpers. Kathryn brought her back out into her bedroom where Michael had curled up on her bed. "Computer," she said, "Dim lights to fifteen percent illumination." The computer chirped and the lights dimmed. Kathryn put Ava down onto the bed and she herself climbed on, settling herself next to the baby. Reaching out she pulled both the children into her arms, giving Michael a small smile as he snuggled closer to his sister.

The cuddling family seemed to quell Ava's fears and her eyes slipped shut as she fell back asleep. Michael soon followed. Kathryn took a bit longer to fall asleep, studying her babies' faces for a while. She traced a finger along each of their smooth faces before her eyes became heavy and she too fell asleep.

"_Chakotay to Janeway._"

Slowly Kathryn opened her eyes. She felt like she had just closed them. Realizing that she was still in uniform she pressed her combadge. "Janeway, here; what can I do for you Commander?"

"_The Kazon have arrived and they are requesting to speak to you, Captain._"

Sitting up she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "I'm on my way, Janeway out." Getting off the bed, careful not to disturb the sleeping children, Kathryn made her way our of her quarters and to the turbolift, smoothing her hair back along the way. As she stepped out onto the bridge she ordered Mike Ayala, stationed at Tactical, to open a channel. She stopped in the middle of the command station, looking at a rather smug Kazon leader. _They're all smug, _she concluded, sliding her best command face into place. "I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the Federation starship _Voyager._"

"First Maje Cullah of the Kazon-Nistrim," the Kazon soldier replied. "What have you done to our ship?"

"We did nothing. We responded to a distress call, when we got here everyone on board was dead. The ship exploded due to a warp core breach," Kathryn replied.

Cullah frowned. "We're detecting Kazon technology on your ship, Captain. We ask that it is returned to us immediately."

Janeway crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm afraid that we found traces of a Federation alloy in the debris. We're running a full investigation as we speak, but maybe you could help us speed the process up, Maje. We think that someone on this ship, besides myself, has been in contact with the Nistrim, and gave your people the technology. I'm no fool Cullah, I know what technology like that would mean to you and your people, but I also have never shown any desire to share it with you. Someone has gone behind my back on my ship and I have to hand out punishment. Surely you can identify?"

Cullah's face tightened. "Surely, Captain. But I'm afraid that I have never had any contact with your ship before. Perhaps you're chasing shadows."

"I don't think so," Janeway replied. "If you'd like, I can allow you and one of your men to transport to our ship so you can see our evidence yourself." Out of the corner of her eye she was sure that she saw Chakotay bristle. "I'm only going to make this offer once, Maje. I suggest that you take it."

The look in his eyes suggested that he did not like to be ordered around by a woman, but none the less, took the offer. "Very well, Captain, as you wish."

* * *


	49. Chapter 49

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

* * *

Chakotay was not happy to find himself standing outside of Engineering. Kathryn had allowed two of the Kazon soldiers to beam over to see the results of their investigation so far. After she had closed the channel with the Kazon he had argued with her over the decision. Allowing potentially dangerous men onto _Voyager _was not what he had in mind when they made contact with the Kazon. Finally, he had managed to get her to bring a security detail with her, telling her that Tuvok would not allow her to go into a dangerous situation without one. He smiled slightly, thank the spirits for Tuvok. The Vulcan would live with his leader's decisions of putting herself in danger as long as there was plenty of security around her. She of course was not happy with it, the scowl on her face every time she looked over her shoulder proved it.

Kathryn was the one to lead them all into Engineering. Chakotay could see the staff immediately stiffen at the sight of two imposing Kazon soldiers following her in. Eyes followed the group as they made their way towards B'Elanna, still working on the scattered debris. The half Klingon woman straightened her form and gasped slightly, "Captain Janeway?"

"Lieutenant Torres, this is First Maje Cullah," Kathryn introduced coolly. "Can you bring him up to date on the investigation?"

"Yes, ma'am," Torres said nervously. "It seems that your friends were trying to make a food replicator but didn't have the proper containment field, nucleogenic radiation leaked out, causing a cascade effect. Everything organic was fused with the metal on the ship, when there was no one left to contain the radiation it began to leak out and contaminate the warp core, which caused the ship to explode. We've collected several pieces of the hull for inspection."

Cullah eyed his companion for a moment. "Do you have any idea how your technology got into my men's hands?"

Torres looked puzzled. "Actually we were hoping you could tell us that," she said. "Crewman Hogan has traced several communications from this very room to the Kazon in the past three weeks."

Chakotay slid his arms over his chest, watching Cullah's reaction. Even though he was denying it, he wasn't a person acting like they had just been handed collaboration behind the leader's back information. It was as if he _knew _what they were going to tell him. "Eventually, Maje, we're going to trace who sent the calls, and we'll get to the bottom of this. We're giving you the benefit of the doubt here, perhaps you had no idea whoever contacted you did so behind our backs. Coming clean with us is probably the best course of action."

"I may not be so…accommodating the next time, Cullah," Janeway snapped.

Cullah's eyes looked feverishly between Janeway and Chakotay and then subtly, but not so that Chakotay missed it, at Seska, who was working with her back slightly turned from the rest of them. "I will take what you said under consideration, Captain, and return to my ship to check my own communications logs."

Janeway was about to grant him his wish when she was raised over the comline. "_Tuvok to Janeway, Captain we think we have found the spy. Ensign Kim and I have gone through the ship's entire medical database. Everyone has given a blood sample with the exception of Ensign Seska._" Her eyes snapped up towards the Bajoran woman, who had turned slightly, with a horrified look on her face. _"We decided to look into the last bioscan the computer did of her, from her latest transport. She is…without a doubt…Cardassian. Should I arrest her?_"

The Captain glared at the found out Cardassian agent. "No, that won't be necessary, Tuvok. Commander Chakotay and I can deal with her."

Chakotay stepped forward. "Why?" he asked her bluntly. "Why hand over technology behind our backs? Why hurt Lieutenant Barrett?"

Seska laughed a cold, throaty laugh that sent a shiver up Kathryn's spine. "Why? I did it for this crew, Chakotay. In case you haven't looked around you lately, we're alone out here! I was trying to gain us some allies in the wake of a hopeless situation." She turned her glare on Janeway. "A hopeless situation that was brought about because of the decision of an incompetent Federation captain; if this had been a Cardassian ship, we'd be home by now! As for Lieutenant Barrett, she went sticking her nose in places that she wasn't meant to be sticking them."

"So you tried to kill her. You used me; played me like a fool to gain access to the Maquis!" Chakotay said, angrily.

"Oh Chakotay," she swooned, "You're just as bad as she is." She gestured towards Janeway. "Always trusting in the good of the people. Let me tell you something…that kind of trust is going to get this ship blown apart someday. You're a fool, Chakotay, to follow her."

Kathryn clenched her fists at her sides. "You can believe what you want about me, but that does not give you the right to put _my _crew in danger."

Seska sneered at her. "So noble, Captain. But really, you're no better than any other Federation officer. You're just as selfish, making a decision that stranded one hundred and fifty people from their homes, their loved ones. What kind of mother does that to her children?"

That comment hurt, Chakotay could see Kathryn's eyes flash with pain. He wanted to strangle this woman he had once loved and cared for. Moving towards her, he reached for his phaser, firmly planted in his holster. Seska was quicker, she grabbed a weapon from behind the console she had been working at and knew exactly where to fire to cause a commotion enough for her to get away; she fired the weapon directly at Kathryn Janeway.

Time seemed to stop or at least slow to a crawling pace as the orange beam short forth from Seska's weapon. Chakotay felt his heart stop beating for those terrifying few seconds as Kathryn tried to move out of the way of the beam but was unsuccessful. It hit her square in the chest and she went sprawling to the deck, her head hitting it with a loud din of bone on metal. She didn't move, her head rolled to one side, hair covering her face and for a horrifying moment, Chakotay thought she was dead. And as slowly as time had stopped before, while watching that beam of orange death shooting towards her, it sped up again as the Kazon drew their own weapons concealed in the sleeves of their shirts and began to fire at consoles.

Chakotay found himself ducking behind a bulkhead as sparks flew through the air. The two security guards that had been with them had tried to fire back at Seska but she had caught each of them in the shoulder as well before firing her weapon directly at B'Elanna, who was trying desperately to get a force field up around the warp core. _Dear god she's trying to cause a breach! _His combadge was twittering. Furiously he tapped at it. He wasn't surprised when Tuvok's voice faded in and out of the din of weapon's fire. He wasn't even sure what the Vulcan said to him, but he yelled an answer anyways. "Tuvok, I need more security down here! The Captain's been injured and it appears that Seska and the Kazon are trying to knock out all our essential systems!"

Was there an answer? He could not be sure, but he could see Seska and the two Kazon moving out of the room now. Standing up he leapt over the console he had been hiding behind to face the controls. "She's heading for the transporter room, Tuvok."

"_I'm on my way commander," _Tuvok's voice called out over the comline.

Chakotay rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand for a moment. They had been foolish to allow the Kazon onto the ship, but Kathryn had been hopeful that Cullah had no knowledge of the transaction between his people and theirs. _Kathryn! _Spinning about he grabbed the medical kit and went to check on her. He felt little relief that she was only stunned. "B'Elanna, transport the Captain to sickbay." He glanced up to see that B'Elanna was frowning at the controls.

"I've had to put up transporter lockouts, but Seska's smart, she could override this easily," she gasped, shaking her head.

His hand slapped hard down onto his combadge. "Chakotay to Tuvok, have you got Seska yet?" the First Officer nearly yelled over the comline. For the first time since coming onto this ship he felt utter rage. Seska had played him, used him to get what she wanted out of him, and had taken those secrets in the most violating of ways; by telling him that she cared for him. He couldn't let her got off _Voyager. _Tuvok was not answering and Chakotay was growing impatient. "Damnit Tuvok, answer me!"

"_Hello Chakotay,_" Seska's voice said over the comline instead. "_Commander Tuvok is unable to answer at the moment._"

"Seska," he growled, "End this so I can release the locks on the transporters that way we can beam the wounded to sickbay."

She laughed sending a bone chilling shiver down his entire body. "_Do you honestly think I'm that foolish Chakotay? How do I know you won't just transport me to the brig? How is the Captain anyways, I hope I didn't hurt her too bad._"

B'Elanna thought for sure Chakotay was going to crush the tricorder that was in his hand. She felt her own breath suck in terrified at the sight. Sure she had seen him angry before, but she had never seen him _that _angry. It seemed ironic that the injuring of a Federation captain would stir such emotions within him when they had spent the last few years an enemy of the Federation.

"_I'm going to offer you a deal, Chakotay,_" Seska was saying. "_Allow me and my…colleagues to transport off of Voyager to the Kazon ship and I'll give you my word that Cullah will not attack Voyager, but not until I'm safely off of Voyager, is that clear?_"

Chakotay relaxed his grip on the tricorder. Kathryn would kill him if he let Seska go. "You know I can't do that Seska. You betrayed us, you put us all in danger; you're the one responsible for the deaths of eight people and the injuring of countless others. You don't' think Captain Janeway is going to let you waltz off of _Voyager _so easily do you?" He was trying to buy B'Elanna time but he was sure that no matter how much time he bought her, Seska would find a way to transport off the ship.

"_Really Chakotay you must take me for a fool,_" Seska responded. "_You'd let me go if it meant your Voyager flying away safe, or should I say Janeway's precious Voyager. But then again you would never let anything happen to this ship if it meant pleasing her, now would you?_"

This time the tricorder snapped in his hand. Chakotay knew that her intense hatred of Janeway and the children should have sent off warning signs, but he had given her the benefit of the doubt that she was just having more trouble than the others adjusting to life on _Voyager. _If he had known what he knew now, he would have left her at the Caretaker's array. Sudden thoughts on the children now, made his senses realign. Kathryn would try to find the diplomatic solution for this so her crew was safe. He owed it to her to do the same. Before he could offer her some sort of deal that would keep _Voyager _safe, B'Elanna's eyes went wide.

"She's overriding my lockouts," the Chief Engineer said hotly. "She's initiating transport!"

"Lock her out!" Chakotay hollered, stepping around Janeway's prone form and grasping tightly to the edge of B'Elanna's console. "I don't care what you have to do, just don't lose her!"

B'Elanna crisply shook her head. "It's too late, they're gone." Chakotay glared at her, but she knew that he wasn't angry at her, rather himself for letting Seska get away.

"_Paris to Captain Janeway, the Kazon ship is powering up engines, ma'am, should I lay in a pursuit course?" _

Chakotay was the one who responded, tapping his badge. " Paris, the Captain's unable to respond right now; but yes, lay in a pursuit course, match their speed."

"_Aye sir,_" Paris replied. If he was confused as to why Janeway had not answered herself, it did not appear so in his voice.

As the engines were engaged the ship lurched suddenly and for a moment went out of control. Chakotay grabbed the bulkhead tightly before he heard the engines disengaging and Paris' startled voice coming back over the comline. "_Sorry sir, it appears that the course I laid in triggered an effect that…I hadn't anticipated. I lost helm control for a moment. But the Kazon are gone, I'm sorry._"

His hand slapped hard down onto the controls. Glaring, he snapped, "She must have rigged the helm to shut down momentarily when a course was engaged. She knew she was caught; that whole time we were in here talking to Cullah, she was probably planting her seeds for escape. Are the transporters back online?"

B'Elanna could only nod her head. Chakotay went to kneel next to the Captain. "Beam me along with the wounded to sickbay, I'm going to have a lot of explaining to do when the Captain wakes up."

* * *

"Why would Seska want to hurt Mama?" Michael Janeway asked several hours later at breakfast.

Chakotay tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He wasn't sure when the last time he had actually gotten a good night's sleep but it certainly had not been last night. After hours upon hours of investigations, the Kazon allying with Seska had only complicated matters. The Doctor had declared that no one who had been hurt in Engineering would die from their injuries and everyone was on the road to a full recovery, including the Captain. Chakotay had stayed with her until her combadge twittered, her signal that Ava had woken up. He had gone to her quarters to find the child standing in the crib, pink blanket clutched in her hand. She didn't look particularly happy to see him. "Sometimes, people do things that we can't explain," he murmured, looking at the boy.

A serious look came over Michael's face. "Chakotay, is Mama going to be alright?"

"Yes," he replied, relief laced in his voice. He had worried, probably just as much as the child about Kathryn's well being. "The Doctor just wants her to rest for a while in sickbay before she can go back to work."

Ava gurgled from the floor where she was playing. Michael looked at her timidly for a moment before looking back at Chakotay. "What if she doesn't get better? What happens to me and Ava?"

It was a question that had haunted Chakotay since the failed transwarp drive. Although Kathryn had not been badly injured, the realization that she could one day be ripped away from these children and this crew had always been in the fore front of his mind. He watched as a tear rolled down the boy's cheek. It must be a terrifying concept for this child, who had already lost one parent to the violence of space, to think about losing another one to a similar fate.

"What if more people want to hurt Mama?"

This question caused his tired eyes to open wider. "I won't let them," he answered quickly.

Michael's face softened a little. "You promise, Chakotay, you promise you won't let anyone hurt Mama?"

For a moment he hesitated, because there were no guarantees that he could keep Kathryn safe. They were traveling through uncharted, hostile space. But the frightened look in Michael's eyes, eyes that were just as clear as his mother's, made his heart break. Chakotay couldn't say no to him. "I promise, Michael. I promise to keep your mother safe."

* * *

_Captain's Log, supplemental; even though Seska managed to get away I have a feeling that we'll meet up with her again sometime in the near future. I can only hope that the next time we aren't quite taken off guard. Lieutenant Barrett has suffered no side affects from Seska's attempted murder and will be reporting back to duty as soon as the Doctor gives her the go ahead. As for Commander Chakotay, I've given him a few days to rest. It was no secret to anyone on this ship, including me, that Seska meant something to him. It's going to take him the longest to get past her betrayal._

* * *

When the doors to the holodeck opened she was expecting to see something more…wilderness, serene, not what she was stepping into. Instead of trees and mountains, Sandrine was greeting her, offering her a glass of wine. Kathryn shook her head and moved towards the back of the room where Chakotay was seated, mulling over what appeared to be a glass of whiskey. Standing to the side of the table, she said gently, "I was told you didn't drink."

Chakotay's dark eyes roamed up to her face. "I usually don't. But the last two days I've had a lot of time to think and quite frankly I'm sick of thinking about it. Besides its holographic alcohol, what's the worst it could to do me?"

Kathryn slid into the chair across from him, placing the PADDs she had been carrying with her onto the table. "True, but I was under the impression that my first officer was going back to work today, at zero eight hundred hours. When I showed up, no one had seen you, and if they had, they weren't speaking to me about it. So what did you do? Threaten to blow them out of an airlock…eat leola root for three straight weeks? What was it Chakotay, you can tell me?" She could see that her attempt at humor was not working. He scowled.

"They didn't say anything because I didn't report yet," he replied.

"Why not?" she asked, softly.

His eyes lowered, studying the grain in the table wood. "I did the one thing that a first officer is not supposed to do; I put us at risk Kathryn. If I can't keep this crew safe, I don't deserve to be your first officer."

"Oh Chakotay," she said. "You didn't do it on purpose, the whole crew accepts that, they understand that she manipulated you, and to be honest, they're angry that she did so. But not at you, never at you."

He looked at her then. "What about you, Kathryn?" He didn't care what the rest of the crew thought of him, he could live with that. What he couldn't live with was if she was angry at him for putting her and her children in danger. Kathryn knew, especially now, that there was no love for her when it came to Seska. Chakotay wouldn't admit it to her, but he was terrified that their new found relationship and understanding would be ripped apart because of Seska. "Are you angry at me?"

Kathryn's eyes softened. "No, Chakotay, I could never be angry with you over this."

He grunted. "You should be."

A hand gently reached out and laid over his. Her touch sent warmth rushing through him. He felt so cold after Seska's betrayal; he was longing to feel the warmth of someone again. Suddenly he realized where his thoughts were straying. She was the captain, he was the first officer, he shouldn't be thinking about her like that. He yanked his hand back and was disappointed when hurt flashed through her beautiful eyes. He wanted nothing than to ease her burdens, to protect her from anymore hurt. He thought of his promise made to Michael just two days before. _Already breaking that promise, _he thought miserably. "I'm sorry," he said. "This is incredibly hard to talk to about."

"I understand," Kathryn replied, although she wasn't entirely sure why he was closing up to her. He had been the one to constantly pressure her to be open with him. "You cared for her…perhaps even loved her."

Chakotay shook his head. "It was more than that…she…after the Cardassians took over my homeworld, after my father was killed, she was the first person that I came across that seemed to understand…what I was feeling. She told me that she had lost her family in the camps, that they all had been killed by the Cardassians. She felt…just as angry as I did. We connected," he paused to take a sip of his drink, wishing for a brief second that the holographic whiskey was indeed the real stuff. "Now I see that she just used me…fed off of that anger to get what she wanted."

"And you're afraid…she's going to do it again?" Kathryn ventured.

His jaw clenched. "Aren't you?"

"If you're asking me if we've seen the last of Seska my gut tells me no," Kathryn replied. "That's not to say we won't be ready for her the next time our paths cross. Your fear that she could manipulate us again is justified. But that doesn't mean we stop what we're trying to accomplish. If we did that, Chakotay, then we'd never get home. Is that what you really want? To be dictated by fear?"

"I tell myself it's not right, Kathryn, but then I see people dying," Chakotay answered. "I see Ava being pulled from that debris."

The image flashed across Kathryn's mind briefly, before she pushed the painful memory aside. She looked at the table for a moment, before setting her jaw in determination. "This is what she wants, and you know it. She wants us to be directed by our fears, we can't do that, if we do, that means we'll be walking right back into her open arms, and believe me, she'll be waiting for us." Kathryn stood, laying a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle pat. "Don't be so hard on yourself, Commander, she fooled us all, not just you. Remember, we're all in this together."

Chakotay watched as she walked away before pushing his glass of half finished alcohol aside. "Kathryn," he called. She turned about to face him, almost out the door. "It seems that I'm late for duty." He was rewarded with a one of her smiles, the kind that made his knees go slightly weak. He wasn't sure how one woman could change him so much, so completely in the short period of time that they had known each other, but she had. As he left the holodeck with her, heading towards the bridge, he realized that he was glad for the change, and despite what Seska had said about her, Chakotay knew she was a strong and capable officer. Kathryn Janeway would get them home one day and he couldn't think of a better place to be then by her side when that moment eventually came.

* * *


	50. Chapter 50: Ensnare

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: Alright guys and girls, I'll leave you with this for tonight.

* * *

**ENSNARE **

Tom Paris tried to walk off a not so pleasant lunch as he made his way back to the bridge for the rest of his shift. _Voyager _had pretty much returned back to normal after Seska and the Kazon had blasted their way out of Engineering. Tom on the other hand was finding it hard to move on. He had never liked Seska that much, she was too angry at Janeway and to say that he wasn't surprised when it was her who had betrayed them would be the truth. She had the tactical knowledge that was for sure to cover her tracks up. What had surprised him was that she was Cardassian. That had been a twist that none of them had been expecting. Captain Janeway herself had never even imagined that development, even when the Doctor had determined that Sarah Barrett had been poisoned by a Cardassian medicine.

The thought of Seska hurting Sarah brought such a sense of anger to him that he had to take a deep breath as he stepped up to the turbolift and patiently waited for the doors to open. If the Kazon had not shown up, Chakotay never would have gone to go looking for her and she could have very well died down there on that planet; died without ever knowing how he felt about her.

_Whoa back up Paris, _he chided himself. _Getting ahead of yourself aren't you now? _Tom wasn't even sure how she felt about him. Shaking his head as the doors of the lift finally opened he tried to clear his thoughts and looked right up into the eyes of the woman who was causing him such disturbing thoughts in the first place. Sarah looked just as surprised to see him and both knew their relationship had changed somewhat since the failed transwarp run and her near death experience. "Hi, going to the bridge?" He asked, taking in her appearance. She was wearing a burgundy jump suit, her hair was pulled back and she looked like she had just been summoned for something out of the ordinary. She had a serious countenance on her pretty face.

"Yes," Sarah replied, stepping aside to allow him into the lift with her. "Captain Janeway requested my presence on the bridge."

Tom found his interested peaked. They had run into nothing of even the slightest bit of excitement all morning, flying along a path that they had crafted out of recent long range scans of the region to avoid enemy ships. "Kazon? Gerroan? Oh, maybe it's the Viidians, we haven't run into them for a while."

Sarah shook her head. "I don't think it's either." She shivered a little. Tom found it odd since the lift was unusually warm. "I'm not sensing anyone but the people on the ship."

"Well, you said yourself the other day that Tuvok told you it could take a while before you…what was the word he used, perfect your abilities," Tom said, with a chuckle, trying to lighten the dark mood clouding in around them. The small smile faded from his face when she didn't respond, rather just shook her head mutely and stared a head. "I'm sure it's nothing, Lieutenant. The Captain may just need you for something personal."

His using of her rank made her…sad. Were they losing their closeness because neither of them knew how to act on their feelings? The bright lights of the bridge put an end to their conversation and Tom allowed her to leave the tiny lift first before they both proceeded down to their stations.

Kathryn Janeway was standing in the middle of the command station with Commander Chakotay close to her side. They were both looking at the viewscreen, deep looks of thought on their faces. As Sarah stepped up to join them she felt a sense of cold wash over her and it happened, just a quick glance, but she was certain that she glanced a Starfleet officer standing behind Chakotay. He wasn't quite in focus, faceless, and from what she did glance looked like he had been through hell but when she blinked, he was gone. She must have still been staring at that spot because Janeway's hand gently took her by the shoulder, startling her she jumped. "Sarah?" the Captain whispered, "Are you alright?"

Swallowing the nervous bile that had risen in her throat she nodded her head. "Sorry, I…I lost my train of thought for a moment."

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Janeway said, with a bemused smile. She gestured towards the screen. "Don't worry, we have too."

Sarah turned to see that she was looking at a rather old Federation starship, of twenty third century design, floating in space. "How…how did it get out here?"

"That's what we'd like to find out," Janeway said, letting her hand drop from the young woman's shoulder. "Tuvok's running the registry number now and as soon as we know if there is a breathable atmosphere over there I'd like to send an away team over to investigate. Harry's having trouble getting through the gravitational pull of that moon, which seems to be holding the ship in space."

There was a hopeful look in the Captain's eyes. Sarah knew immediately that Janeway was hoping that whatever had brought this old starship here could send the newer one home. Feeling the hairs on the back of her neck start to rise she glanced to her left, out of the corner of her eye, expecting to see the image again. There was no one standing besides Chakotay. Sarah looked around the bridge. The rest of the crew seemed unaffected by the slight change of atmosphere. _Don't any of them sense that something isn't right here? _Sarah wondered as Tuvok gave his report.

"It appears to be the _U.S.S Excalibur_; reported lost on stardate 3014.7," the Vulcan reported stoically. "No trace of the vessel was ever found."

Janeway crossed her arms over her chest. "No wonder, it was over half way across the galaxy." She glanced over her shoulder at Harry Kim working frantically at his station. "Any luck getting the sensors working?"

Harry shook his head. "None yet, ma'am. But I think if I reroute the power through the main deflector dish I should be able to let you know if there is a breathable atmosphere on that ship."

Sarah listened as he began to ramble on about how remarkable it was that the ship had maintained all these years, there was a breathable atmosphere and it appeared that most systems were still operational. She lost his voice as her eyes began to focus on the ship more; something was pulling her towards it. She could feel a torrid past; her hands began to feel like ice as everything else around her blacked out, with only the ship in her sight line.

"Commander," Janeway's voice seemed loud in her ear. "What do you say to a stroll through history?"

Chakotay was grinning. Sarah found nothing amusing about this situation. Whatever they found on that ship was not going to pleasant. "I thought you'd never asked Captain. Tuvok, Paris," he paused for a moment, "Barrett, you're with me."

The others began moving off of the bridge but Sarah looked nervously at the ship one last time on the screen before practically sprinting to catch up with them in the turbolift. Chakotay was asking Tuvok and Tom what they knew about twenty third century starships. Sarah found that Tuvok was an abundance of information having served on the _Excelsior_. When he was done, Tom began to report on the warp capabilities of such a ship, ending his tangent with, "If you thought it was going to take us a long time to get home, you've got another thing coming. Our journey is a walk in the park compared to what theirs would have been."

"Looks like they didn't get very far," Chakotay mused.

"Is it possible a wormhole brought them here?" Tom asked.

"The chances of finding that wormhole again Mister Paris are slim to none," Tuvok replied. "That ship has been trapped in the delta quadrant for over a hundred years. Wormholes very rarely last more than one hundred minutes."

Tom frowned. "You have a way of bringing spirits down, has anyone ever told you that Tuvok?" Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sarah shiver violently. All three men turned around slightly to face her. With the four of them crammed in there it was anything _but _cold. "Lieutenant? Are you alright?"

Sarah nodded. "Just got a chill," she said, but Tom at least could see that she was lying through her teeth. Even if he had not seen her before in the lift coming to the bridge, Tom was sure he would have been able to tell that something was wrong. They had become close over the last three months, perhaps closer than either of them had counted on. He knew when something was bothering her. She became distance, silent. She closed off from the world and it frightened him at times. If she was feeling bad vibes about this away mission then she should open her mouth now before they beamed over to a centuries old ship and began exploring. Tom suddenly realized that he had a bad feeling forming in the pit of his stomach when normally a find like this, for a history buff as himself, would be exciting, it was proving to be unnerving.

Chakotay and Tuvok didn't seem to think that anything was out of the ordinary with Sarah, or if they did, they didn't say anything. So the rest of the ride to deck four was in awkward silence.

In the transporter room they shuffled up onto the transporter pad. Chakotay gave the crewman at the controls a brief nod of his head and the beam was engaged. They all felt the familiar sensation of the transporter sweeping them up but when they were pulled out they were standing on a table in the middle of the mess hall. Neelix was staring at them from the kitchen.

"Commander, if you were all hungry, I could have brought something to the bridge," the Talaxian said to the amusement of no one.

Chakotay let out an angry sigh and jumped down from the table. Turning he watched as Tuvok followed him and Tom helped Sarah down. "What the hell happened? I thought that B'Elanna reported all repairs had been made?"

"It appears that she missed something," Tuvok stated.

The first officer didn't find it very amusing. In fact, he found it rather odd that B'Elanna would neglect the transporters in a status report. It wasn't like her. Ordering the away team back to the transporter room the crewman at the controls was shocked to see them enter. "Didn't your sensors tell you that we were beamed to the mess hall and not the _Excalibur_?"

"No sir," the crewman replied, shaking his head. "My sensors indicated that you were transported to the bridge, like you requested."

"Maybe there was interference from the gravitational pull of the moon that we did no anticipate, Commander," Tuvok pointed out.

Chakotay let out a frustrated sigh. "If that's the case it could take hours to get over to that ship. Let's try one last transport before we begin to rip apart the systems to figure out what is wrong."

Again the officers climbed up onto the transporter pad, Tom made some wise crack about how familiar the whole situation was. It garnered him a glare from both Chakotay and Sarah. _Tough crowd, _he thought as he waited patiently for the crewman to set the coordinates and engage the beam. Soon he felt his body tingle and slowly the transporter room faded away. When he came out of the beam he was not standing on a table in the mess hall, or in someone's sonic shower, but rather, by himself in a rather dark corridor. Turning on his wrist torch he shined it around and with a sudden slam of cold fear realized that he was alone.

* * *

Kathryn Janeway lowered herself onto the chair at her desk in her ready room, coffee mug in her hand. The away team had just reported that they had all they needed to go over to the _Excalibur _and would be making a report in the next fifteen minutes. Kathryn had to admit that this was an exciting find but there was something that was preventing her from truly enjoying the moment. Lieutenant Barrett had seemed unsettled from the moment her eyes laid on the ancient ship. Kathryn couldn't be sure, but it appeared that there was something bothering the young woman, perhaps something telepathic that she wasn't so willing to share with the rest of them yet. The Captain had thought they were beyond that, her closing up, but she could see that there were still several steps to take before Sarah became comfortable with whom she was.

The door chimed and she allowed the person on the other side admittance. She was a little surprised when the door opened but no one came in. Puzzled she took another sip of her coffee as the doors closed. Maybe she had just…heard the door chime when no one had really been there. Calling up a report that she had neglected to read the night before thanks to Michael's refusal to take a bath, Kathryn decided that it was the best time to buckle down and get some work done. Chakotay had asked for at least two hours on the _Excalibur_ and she was willing to give that to him. Whatever information he could gather about the ship could lead them to home or closer to home. The door chimed again.

"Yes," she called out, not putting her coffee mug down. The doors once again slid open but no one came in. This time she caught a glimpse of a puzzled looking Ensign Baytart, seated at conn. "Computer shut the doors!"

There was a chirp and the doors slid shut. She made a mental note to have B'Elanna look at them later. But she had no sooner thought it and the door chimed again. This time the port doors opened and a crewman walking by tentatively peaked in. Kathryn glared at the doors and shouted, again for the computer to shut them. "Computer run a diagnostic on the doors, are they malfunctioning?"

"_All doors are working within normal parameters_," the computer chirped.

Kathryn felt like throwing something. "Are you sure? Maybe you're malfunctioning."

"_Please restate the nature of the questions._"

She gripped the edge of her desk for a moment. She really wasn't in the mood for this. Opening her mouth to restate the question the door chimed again. Pushed to her limit, she yelled out, "What!"

"Um, sorry ma'am," Tal Celes' voice said, nervously from the port doors. "I didn't mean to disturb you, but Michael wanted to come see you."

Kathryn watched as Michael's head peaked around the nanny's slim waist. Ava was grumpily leaning against the young woman, apparently woken up from a nap. Frowning slightly, because she knew she was going to reap the reward later for her daughter missing a nap, she motioned for the trio to enter the room. "Sorry, Tal, my doors aren't cooperating and the computer says they're fine. It's just a little frustrating. I can see you haven't had a great day either."

Tal looked at Michael for a moment. "He says he sees a man going into Ava's room. I swear Captain Janeway; it's just the three of us in there. I even asked the computer three times if there was anyone else in the quarters."

Kathryn froze for a moment. Michael had made a similar comment the night before, about a man being in the bathroom. It was the reason he had given her for not wanting to take a bath, but when Kathryn had turned the bathroom inside out to show him that there was no one in the room with them, he still refused. Was he playing a game with her, to see how many buttons he could push before she snapped? If he was, she realized there were other ways to test her that didn't sound so unsettling.

"Mama, I don't want to go back there," Michael said. "The man was scary looking."

She wagged her finger at him. "You've been listening to Neelix's scary stories too much. It's just your imagination."

"Nah-huh Mama," Michael argued. "I really saw him!"

"_Torres to Janeway,_" the comline interrupted them, thankfully.

Kathryn tapped her combadge holding Michael's gaze for a moment. "Go ahead B'Elanna."

"_Ma'am, it seems that we're having trouble with the transporters. Commander Tuvok was transported inside the Jefferies Tube on deck eight, but it appears that Lieutenant Paris, Commander Chakotay, and Lieutenant Barrett were all transported over to that old ship. The first time they attempted transport they…ended up on a table in the mess hall._"

Kathryn's brow furrowed. "I thought you said the transporters were fixed?"

"_I thought they were, Captain."_

The Captain rubbed her temples for a moment. "Get working on it Lieutenant, in the meantime I will inform Commander Chakotay that Commander Tuvok won't be joining them, Janeway out." The comline closed and Kathryn shut her eyes. Nothing was making sense today, the doors to her ready room malfunctioning; now the transporters not working, even Michael's insistence that he was seeing a man in their quarters was not adding up. There were days, Kathryn realized that it just did not pay to get out of bed. Opening her eyes she looked at Tal and the children. "Michael, you have to go back to our quarters, I have a lot of work to do. I promise there is no man in there that is going to hurt you."

Michael's blue eyes flashed with fear and as he opened his mouth to speak the doors chimed.

Kathryn angrily snapped out an admittance, but wasn't surprised that there was no one there. "Computer, shut the damn doors!" The doors hissed shut and the captain stretched her back by placing the palms of her hands onto the edge of the desk and pushing down hard. She didn't feel any stress relief, especially when her son started to cry. She bit her lip. Perhaps she had been too harsh with the doors. "What's wrong honey?"

The boy was pointing at the door. "The man," he whimpered, "he was out on the bridge. He was the one to ring the door bell!

* * *


	51. Chapter 51

* * *

The first thing she noticed about the _Excalibur_ was that it was incredibly cold. Rubbing her hands together, Sarah Barrett turned her wrist torch on and moved the light about the room. The second thing she noticed was that she was alone. Panic started to creep into her senses. "Barrett to Chakotay, Commander do you copy?"

Nothing but silence followed. "Barrett to Paris?" Again silence greeted her. Maybe her combadge wasn't working. It was safe to assume that since the transporters had malfunctioned the first time they had tried to beam over here then they had malfunctioned again and the away team had been beamed to all different parts of the ship. Stepping over debris Sarah tried to find her way out of the room, which appeared to be crew quarters of some kind. She could make out a table and chairs in the dim light that her wrist torch was casting. She found she had no desire though to explore this room. Violent shivers coursed through her body as she found the door. It didn't open like she was hoping it would and she had to look around the room anyways to find something to pry it open.

Moving about the small, dark room was proving to be difficult since there seemed to be furniture all over the place. She forgot about the cold as she continued her search, which ended when she abruptly tripped over something in the middle of the floor. As she hit the ground her wrist torch caught the sight of a pair of boots on the ground. Further inspection revealed that the owner, long dead now was still in those boots. She felt a hot breath on the skin of her neck, could have sworn she heard her name whispered as she studied the body.

With a scream that started in her throat at the sight of the skeleton, Sarah jumped up and ran for the door in a fit of panic. It wouldn't dawn on her until much later, when she was calm, that the doors opened this time. She stumbled out into the corridor and found it colder and just as dark. Her back hit the wall and she felt her breathing start to slow. Grabbing her tricorder out of its holder she opened it with shaky hands and began to search the area for any signs of life besides her own. _What a time for the transporters to malfunction, just when we're about to explore a ship where our imaginations can run wild, _she thought as she moved down the hall. She briefly wondered if Tuvok, Tom, and Chakotay were experiencing any similar feelings. She quickly dispelled Tuvok; the Vulcan was incapably of feeling fear and would see it as highly illogical to let their fears get the best of them.

Knowing what Tuvok would say strangely comforted her in this place. When she had been studying the Borg, thinking about her colleagues and what they would say in certain situation would calm her. Right now she needed a lot of calming; the _Excalibur _was screaming at her through all senses, not just her empathic ones either. There was something about this ship that made her skin crawl.

She flashed her wrist torch down every nook and cranny, but there was no sign of Tom, Chakotay, or Tuvok. There wasn't even a sign of them on her tricorder. Perhaps they had been transported somewhere else on _Voyager _and she was truly alone here. This thought made her heart race again. Her one fear was being utterly and truly alone.

_No, stop, breath, think, the transporter must have malfunctioned and the others are on Voyager. Captain Janeway will be beaming you back any moment now, _Sarah tried to calm herself. She found that she would have liked it coming from Tom or Chakotay or even Tuvok. Something moved in front of her but just out of the arch of her light so she wasn't able to make out what it was. "Tom?" she asked, hesitantly. Again she heard movement, this time coming from behind her. Turning about quickly she flashed her light in the direction of the sound, but there was nothing there. A chill swept over her. Shivering she stepped forward slightly. "Tom if this is some kind of joke, it isn't very funny."

Somewhere in the dark she could have sworn she heard breathing. Reaching out she tried to touch the presence with her senses but immediately felt a surge of primal anger. Instinct took over; she had to get out of here. Moving backwards she turned and began to run and collided with another body. Sarah hit the deck on her bottom and her light cast upwards into the frightened eyes of Crewman Edwards. "Edwards!"

"Lieutenant…I'm sorry, I…I didn't see you."

"Crewman what are you doing here?" Sarah asked getting to her feet.

"I don't know, ma'am. I…I was at my duty station and the next thing I knew I was here."

_Wonderful, more transporter malfunctions. _"Well, since you're here, maybe you can help me get the logs of this ship up and running," Sarah ordered, using her tricorder to find a panel. "I know these controls are pretty clumsy compared to what we're used to, but I think we'll be able to manage." When she noticed he wasn't moving she said, "It will keep your mind off of how scary it is here."

"Sorry ma'am," Edwards said, blushing slightly.

"Its okay, this ship has my imagination running wild as well," she replied, running her fingers over the controls. Immediately the console burst to life, humming after years of nonuse. Edwards reported that the logs were heavily damaged but he would do his best to repair them. Sarah knew he was capable, but she suddenly wished that Harry Kim was on board. The process would probably go a lot faster. Meanwhile, she occupied herself with trying to get the navigational logs up. She had to admit since finding Edwards, having someone to talk too, was keeping her mind off of how creepy the abandoned ship really was. Her mind began to focus when fifteen minutes later the navigational logs finished downloading.

Sarah traced the ship's path with her fingers. The _Excalibur's_ last known coordinates were just outside of the Romulan Neutral Zone; sure enough the logs confirmed that. They had been pulled into the Delta Quadrant ten light years from this position. Sarah wouldn't know how they were brought to this part of space until the sensor logs were uncovered and brought up.

"This is interesting," Edwards said. "Look at this Lieutenant. They answered a distress signal for a ship that was trapped in the gravitational pull of this moon. When they arrived there was no trace of the ship, not even a wrap trail."

"It almost sounds like they were…lured here," Sarah mused, glancing at the logs. "But why?"

Edwards shrugged his shoulders. "We've run into some pretty hostile aliens; imagine what they were like over a hundred years ago?"

"All the ones we've run into claim not to have met humans before," Sarah thought out loud. Of course she knew that meant nothing. They could have been lying to Captain Janeway and the crew of _Voyager. _"Something isn't adding up here. There are huge gaps in their logs. Are any of the officer's logs repairable?"

"I think I can repair the captain's," Edwards said.

"Get working on it," Sarah ordered. "I'll continue to study these sensors readings."

Silence, with the exception of the groaning of old hull plates, and the beeping of computers, hung between them as they worked. Sarah was struggling to make sense of the status reports. Strange anomalies apparently popped up all over the ship, like people seeing apparitions, doors opening without anyone activating them, and so on. They had stopped to investigate the moon, perhaps the gravitational pull had something to do with it, when the reports stopped. Sarah could only conclude that something had happened to the crew for the logs to suddenly stop so abruptly. Looking at the logs for the second time she noticed that it wasn't the gravitational pull of the moon that was holding the ship here, rather it was a tractor beam disguised as that. So why would someone want to hold a ship in the orbit of a moon without them knowing it? To study them?

"I got it Lieutenant."

Sarah looked up to see the face of a man appear. "We've lost all power, warp engines are off line. My crew continues to disappear one by one. No one knows where they are." It faded out to static thanks to the decay it had sustained over time and Sarah could see another stardate pop up, three days later. The captain looked significantly more terrified. "There's someone... or something else here, on the ship with us. We're trying to make first contact." Again another fade out, this time it was another four days later, with a panic stricken leader on the screen. "We're being hunted, slaughtered by a species that refuses to speak to us. I've sent out a distress call—."

"That's all there was Lieutenant," Edwards said, a noticeable strain in his voice.

Slaughtered? She then thought of the skeleton she had seen in that crew quarters. _Dear Lord_, she thought, _this ship is a mass grave sight_. "Edwards," she choked, "we need to get off this ship."

"Ma'am?"

Sarah was certain now that they were not alone in the corridor, someone…or something had been watching them the whole time. "Just start walking, don't look back." She said, leaving her tricorder behind and moving away from the panel and further down the corridor, a shaky Edwards falling into step behind her. There was loud crash as hull plates went falling to the floors. She noticed Edwards jump. "Keep moving, don't make a sound," she whispered. Ripping her combadge off, she set it up to relay a homing beacon. If she couldn't talk to _Voyager, _perhaps they could still pick up her beacon and beam them out of there. She instructed Edwards to do the same to his. Placing the badge back on her jumper she noticed they had come to a turbolift.

Edwards was standing behind her nervously shuffling his feet. Sarah grabbed a piece of conduit piping and began to pry the lift doors open. From down the hall there was a piercing cry and something, she wasn't sure what, didn't want to know what, was moving at the speed of light towards them as they stumbled into the lift. "Close the doors Lieutenant!" Edwards cried out desperately.

Sarah was trying to get the clumsy controls to work. It got closer to them, a faceless creature that was lusting for blood. And it had its prey, her and Edwards in its sight. The doors shut halfway before a massive, bony hand reached into the lift and yanked Edwards out before the doors snapped shut and the lift began to rapidly ascend. Sarah was pressed to the ceiling before it finally came to a shuddering halt. She fell to the floor, heart thundering in her chest, hands shaking with fear.

She was alone once more, on a ship with a predator.

* * *

"What was that?" Tom Paris asked, anxiously from his side.

Chakotay felt a frustrated sigh forming on his lips but he managed to repress it. Being trapped on this ship with Tom was not the ideal situation since the young pilot was letting his imagination run rampant. Chakotay had found him this way; in fact, they all had been separated upon beaming over to the _Excalibur_. He had to admit though the distant sound had sounded an awful lot like a man screaming. Tuvok wouldn't scream would he? "It was nothing Paris. Let's work on getting communications up so we can try to contact _Voyager, _okay."

Tom swallowed the bile that had risen in his throat. "Fine," he replied, getting back to work. "But don't tell me you didn't hear that, because I know you did. I'm not imagining things, there was someone screaming. This ship just reeks of bad vibes. Not to mention, Tuvok and Sarah are still missing."

"Well if they're lucky, maybe they found each other like we did, and are working together to find a way to get communications with _Voyager_ back up," Chakotay snapped, not looking up. Suddenly his tricorder began to beep.

"What is it?" Tom asked.

"A homing beacon," Chakotay said, looking more closely at the device, "from Lieutenant Barrett's combadge. She's about three decks above us. "

This peaked Tom's interest. "Wait a minute, three minutes ago there was no sign of any other human life on this ship, how the hell is the tricorder picking it up now?"

"I can only guess that it has something to do with the gravitational pull of this moon," Chakotay replied, leading the way out of the room. "But who really knows, it could be a number of reasons why everything seems to be malfunctioning all of a sudden."

"Well that makes me feel better," Tom hissed as they excited the lab they had been working in. When he had finally run into Chakotay, after what felt like hours of roaming the ship by himself, seeing things and hearing things that the first officer claimed were not there, they had come into this room to try and get communications with _Voyager _up. But it seemed that the gravitational pull of the moon was interfering. Tom knew that Captain Janeway was going to do whatever it took to get them off of this hell of a ship, but he had a feeling it was going to be a long time before that happened. The groaning hull plates added to his already anxious mood and he was still certain he had heard screaming.

Chakotay stopped now in front of an open turbolift shaft. He shined his light into the shaft and found it empty. His tricorder was telling him that Sarah was in the shaft, three decks up. _What is she doing in there? _"We're going to have to climb. She's in the lift shaft."

Tom peered up. "Maybe she detected us and is trying to get to us."

"She isn't moving," Chakotay said. He put his tricorder away, reached out and grabbed a hold of the ladder rung and began to climb upwards. It was incredibly cold in the shaft and his hands instantly became numb. He feared that if Sarah had been in here for a long period of time then she was suffering from hypothermia. It was plausibly since there were no environmental controls on line except life support. Behind him he heard Tom's boots clanging on the ladder rungs. Above him he could see the lift, frozen in place, but no sign of Sarah. It was possible that she had climbed on top, but the reason for that still remained a mystery.

As the got closer to the cab, Chakotay called out, "Lieutenant?" His voice echoed off of the shaft walls but there was no answer. The First Officer positioned himself to pull out his tricorder. She was up there, she just wasn't responding. His heart began to race. If she wasn't responding them something was wrong. Shoving his tricorder back into his holder, he climbed at a frantic pace, Tom matching him. Swinging his body over the top of the cab he heard a blood curdling scream.

Tom had climbed up on to the cab on the other side of him. "Sarah! It's just us!"

Sarah Barrett was huddled against the shaft walls, a feral fear in her eyes. Her breathing was heavy, her hands were shaking. "I thought…I thought you were…that…thing…"

"What?" both Chakotay and Tom asked at the same time.

"It grabbed Edwards! He was screaming! I thought it was coming back for me!"

Chakotay pulled out his tricorder again and began to scan for other life signs. All he was picking up was the three humans. There was no sign of Edwards or an alien. Had she imagined it? Had her fear driven a terrifying hallucination? He shook his head. It wasn't like Sarah to lose control like this. She was cowering like a child. They had faced worse in the past than a dark ship and she hadn't broken down like this. _What the hell is going on? _"I'm not picking up any other life signs."

"That's impossible! I saw it!" Sarah screamed, hysterically.

Tom climbed up all the way onto the cab and went to take her shaking hands in his. "Sarah, this ship is dark, you're alone, the mind can do some pretty crazy things, I'm sure it was just your…imagination."

"NO!" She shouted.

The lift groaned underneath their weight. Tom suddenly realized that none of them had checked to make sure that the lift was stable. "Commander," he started to say as the cab shifted slightly. But before Chakotay could give the order to get up onto the ladder, the cab was dropping. The three officers were suddenly clinging tightly to the cab as it dropped several decks. Tom thought for sure they were going to die, flung from the cascading cab to their demise. Just when he thought he was loosing his grip the cab stopped and hurdled upwards. He heard Chakotay gasp, Sarah let out a squeal, as the cab was now flying upwards. _What the hell is going on here? Is this ship trying to kill us! _But suddenly the cab skidded to a halt and they could hear something locking in place as it shuddered one more time. Tom didn't hesitate; he jumped down into the cab and began to pry the doors open revealing another dark corridor.

Chakotay was the next one to climb down. "If I didn't know any better I'd say this ship has a mind of its own."

"Speak for yourself," Tom said, "It _does _have a mind of its own. There was no sign of decay on that cab, what the hell made it fall? Better yet, what the hell made it climb back up like that?" He watched as the First Officer helped Sarah down into the cab. How long had she been up there and it hadn't budged? Okay, he had to admit, that their combined weight was probably too much to handle, but still, too suddenly free fall and then catapult upwards like that was something out of a nightmare.

"Let's find out where we are," Chakotay said, flashing his wrist torch into the dark corridor. "The sooner we find a way off this ship, the better." He stepped out onto the deck, took three steps and then felt something squish underneath his boot, glancing down with a sudden panic he realized he had stepped right onto a body. And it was Crewman Edwards' face that was frozen in death and terror that was looking back up at him.

* * *


	52. Chapter 52

* * *

B'Elanna Torres was finding it hard to concentrate. For three hours they had been trying to get the transporters working, but every time they tired to make an attempt to get Tuvok over on the Excalibur, he ended up somewhere on the deck and someone else ended up missing from _Voyager. _After the third attempt, Kathryn Janeway had told her to stop until they knew exactly what was going on. In the meantime, they had three crewmen missing, and three trapped on the _Excalibur. _B'Elanna found her thoughts lingering on Chakotay, Tom, and Sarah. There had been no contact with the three officers in that time they had been on the old ship.

Rumors were running wild all over the ship. B'Elanna had just heard not even ten minutes ago that Janeway knew exactly what had happened, and that Chakotay, Tom, and Sarah had died in the transport and that the Captain was just not ready to inform the crew yet. B'Elanna knew that it was a ridiculous rumor, but the more she sat there mulling over it, the more she began to wonder herself if the officers were still alive. Tuvok may have just been lucky.

She knew that she shouldn't blame herself, but she did. After all it had been her job to repair the transporters and she had reported that it had been done hours before the away team beamed over to the Excalibur. She watched as Hogan, one of the last people in engineering with her, grabbed a PADD and proceeded out of the room, claiming he would be back in a few moments. She didn't acknowledge him, realizing that she had little strength left.

"Hey, any luck getting communications back up?" Harry Kim's voice cut through her fog. She glanced up at him and frowned. "None, I take it," he said, seeing the look on her face.

"Not even a whisper," B'Elanna said. "We think it has something to do with the gravitational pull of the moon, but it's not like any gravitational interference I've ever seen, it's almost as if it's man made. The problem is I can't be sure unless I can find the source."

Harry leaned against the console she was sitting at. "And you can't find the source, huh?"

"Not even a trace," B'Elanna replied. She pushed the tool she had been working with aside and let out a frustrated sigh. " It seems that the gravitational pull is interfering with our sensors as well. We're no where closer to finding the missing crew or locating the away team on that ship, either."

"I'm sure they're fine, B'Elanna," Harry said, trying to brighten her spirits. "They're all capable officers."

She shook her head. "I've been trapped alone in places like that before; it can do things to your mind Harry."

"Well, they aren't alone, they have each other," Harry answered. "How about some dinner? You've been here all afternoon, you need a break."

That she had to agree to. Straightening her form she glanced about the room one last time at the thinning duty shifts. With the day wrapping up many of her staff had called it a night. There were only so many people who could work on the transporters at once and B'Elanna had not been making it easy for them. She didn't blame them for wanting to get out of engineering the moment their shifts ended, not to mention the strange sensation she had been feeling all day like they were being watched. B'Elanna was certain she was not the only one who had felt it; she had noticed Hogan shiver a couple of times out of the blue. "Sounds a good idea, Harry; maybe a few hours a way from this room will get my mind working again."

The two officers made their way out of the short staffed department and began to make the trek towards the turbolift; neither of them muttering much, just Harry feeling like something was out of place. As they stopped to wait for the lift B'Elanna felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on edge. The lights flickered slightly but perhaps were only noticeable to her. The door opened and Kes standing there startled her. She jumped. "Kes! Really you shouldn't be sneaking up on people like that."

"Sorry Lieutenant," Kes replied, apologetically. "I just came to see if everything was alright in Engineering."

"Everything is fine, why?" B'Elanna asked, unnerved.

Kes shrugged her tiny shoulders. "I can't explain it. I just…feel that something isn't right."

Harry thought back to a distant Sarah on the bridge that midday. She had seemed to zone out on more than one occasion, concerning the Captain and First Officer. Maybe she had felt something too?

"Well, except for the transporters being all screwy, everything is—."

She hadn't even finished her sentence when the worst scream she had ever heard in her life echoed down the hall. Sprinting towards the source, B'Elanna followed quickly behind Harry. They came to the doors of engineering but couldn't get inside. From the outside they could hear the young woman they had left working on the latest assignment issued by Janeway shrieking. "Harry, get the doors open!" She screamed, fearing the worst, that there had been an accident and no one had been there to help the young crewman when she had been injured. _Damnit, why did I just let everyone else leave!_

"I can't get them open! They're…stuck!"

"Stuck!"

"I don't understand it either," Harry gasped, trying to use every override code that he could think of. Behind him he heard Kes let out a strangled gasp of breath. Her face was white, reminding him of how Sarah had looked earlier on the bridge. This was no accident, there was something else at work here, and even though he didn't believe in paranormal stuff like that, there seemed to be no other explanation.

Kes' voice was gruff. "I feel a presence."

"Where?" B'Elanna asked as the screaming in engineering died down. Her heart fell from her chest. There was nothing but silence in the room beyond the stuck doors. The doors slid open now with ease. It was as if _Voyager _was taunting them, punishing them for all they had put her through. It was a ridiculous thought, but at the moment B'Elanna was so tired she couldn't think of anything logical. All three of them stepped cautiously inside and found the young woman who had been screaming, slumped at the base of her console, where Harry and B'Elanna had left her not five minutes before.

Harry leaned down to check her vitals and shook his head. She was gone.

B'Elanna stared at the body for a moment. There was no sign of struggle, no burns, no cuts, and no injury. How the hell had she died? She grabbed the medical kit that was behind the console and fumbled trying to get the medical tricorder out of the container. Her hands were shaking badly. It took a lot to shake her up and this…strange death had done just that. She had seen death before with the Maquis but nothing compared to this. The hand scanner ran over the dead woman's body, but B'Elanna found it hard to focus on the readings.

"You said you felt a presence Kes," Harry was saying, pulling B'Elanna out of her stupor briefly. "Where is it?"

"Every where," Kes answered, "every where on_ Voyager._"

* * *

Kathryn Janeway wasn't quite sure she comprehended what had happened in Engineering. B'Elanna Torres of all people was rattled. She wasn't sure she had ever seen that. She was standing in sickbay with the half Klingon woman and Harry Kim waiting for the Doctor and Kes to examine the body and the data that B'Elanna had gathered with her tricorder just before coming here. Nothing was making sense and she suddenly began to fear for the lives of the away team. It had been three hours since anyone had heard from them and three crewmen were still missing, with no signs of their transports. She had assumed that they had been beamed over to what the crew was lovingly referring to the old ship now as the "ghost ship" but she had no proof. The situation was quickly slipping out of her control and Kathryn hated that. "Let me get this straight, there was no one in the room when you left? And you're sure you heard her screaming?"

B'Elanna nervously nodded her head. "Yes Captain. I know it sounds strange, but it's true. She was by herself, I saw Hogan leave just before us to deliver a report; he was supposed to be back in only a few minutes. I guess he got held up somewhere."

The Captain pressed her fist to her chin for a moment. B'Elanna and Harry had only been gone from Engineering perhaps a minute or two before they ran into Kes, who claimed she felt that things…were out of place down in Engineering. Kathryn wished that she had contact with the away team. She had a feeling that Sarah had felt something similar before beaming over to the _Excalibur. _Now she wished she had prodded the young woman more before she had left, maybe then she would have a better grasp on what was going on. "There's been no detection of intruders on board and I can't imagine that someone from _Voyager _would do this." Then there was the matter that there appeared to be no physical injury that would have caused the young woman's death.

"Captain," the Doctor called from the office. "We've found something."

Kathryn made eye contact with Harry and B'Elanna before retreating into the Doctor's office. He was stationed at the panel behind his desk, looking at readings with a stern eye. "Yes, what is it Doctor?"

"I've found the cause of death," the hologram reported, turning about to face her. "And you're not going to like it."

"Doctor, any reason why she died I'm not going to like," Kathryn snapped, at wit's end.

"Very well," the Doctor replied. "She died of cardiac arrest due to intense strain on her heart. In essence, I believe that she was scared to death."

"How?" B'Elanna asked, appearing in the door.

The Doctor pressed a button and pointed the screen. "This here is her final brain scan that you did on your medical tricorder down in Engineering. It appears that she was in a state of hyper tension just before she died, there are high levels of chemicals when a person is scared found in her brain, all of this combined triggered a massive heart attack. She was dead even before they got the doors open."

Kathryn felt her hands drop at her sides. She had forgotten that bit. "I don't understand; what was she so afraid of?"

The hologram sighed. "That's the mystery, I suppose."

"I have enough mysteries on my hands right now, Doctor," Kathryn snapped, hostility. "I want you to keep examining the body, look for anything and I mean anything that could help us piece together her last moments."

She turned to go but the Doctor stopped her. "There is one way that we can figure this all out Captain."

Kathryn turned to look at him. "Go ahead Doctor, I'm listening."

"There is still some minor neural activity left in her brain, not enough to revive her, but enough for perhaps someone with telepathic capabilities to access her memories," the hologram suggested. "Naturally I would ask Commander Tuvok or Lieutenant Barrett even to pursue such a task, but it seems that Commander Tuvok is needed elsewhere at the moment, and Lieutenant Barrett as far as I know is still missing on that old ship. So, I've decided that Kes should be the one to initiate the link."

Kes looked just as shocked as Kathryn felt. The Captain's blue eyes looked at the young girl for a moment. She was still a child in a sense, perhaps she could spare Tuvok a few hours to do the procedure, but she knew that she really couldn't, not if she wanted to find Chakotay, Tom, and Sarah before they ended up dead like the young woman that was now laying on the surgical biobed. "Kes, are you up to it?"

"Yes, Captain," Kes replied, "if it would help."

"Oh it would," Kathryn said. "When can you start Doctor?"

"As soon as possible," the hologram answered.

Kathryn gave him a grim nod and told him to proceed before she exited sickbay. Her mind was buzzing. Three missing and one dead crewmen in the last three hours. Not to mention an out of reach away team. She had confidence that Chakotay, Tom, and Sarah could take care of themselves, after all they were senior officers, they all had the skills, but that didn't stop the worry. Their scans had shown that the only environmental controls active on the _Excalibur_ was life support, meaning that it was very cold on that ship. The others wouldn't survive much longer in that type of cold if the transporter malfunction didn't kill them first.

She got into the turbolift and called out, "Bridge," and the lift came to life.

A day that had started out with so much potential was spinning out of control now. She felt a frustrated sigh forming; was anything ever going to go right for her and her crew? Suddenly she felt the urge to scream, "Computer halt turbo lift!" The lift came to a stop and Kathryn stood there, back against the wall trying to collect her thoughts by regulating her breathing. She couldn't explain it but a sudden panic had erupted within her. Maybe it was the strange circumstances of the day that were finally getting to her, or maybe it was something more, but whatever it was, there definitely was a voice saying, _get to your quarters Kathryn. The children!_

"Computer, resume lift, deck three," Kathryn called out, a sense of urgency in her voice. Her mother's instinct took over. There was something wrong, something out of place that she couldn't put her finger on. Her panic turned to instant horror when the lift doors opened and the deck before her was a disaster area. There were bloodied and broken bodies lining the walls. _How? There wasn't an attack! _

Kathryn sprinted out of the turbolift and checked their life signs, all of them were dead. Heart now thundering in her chest she tried to contact the bridge as she stumbled to her feet. There was no response. "Computer," she gasped, "confirm that Commander Tuvok is on the bridge!"

"_Negative, there are no life signs on the bridge._"

"No life signs! That's impossible!" Kathryn screamed slamming the palm of her hand down onto the access panel of her quarters. Everyone had been alive when she left not thirty minutes before. There had been no attack, no malfunction on the ship that would cause this massive damage that had killed…everyone.

The door wasn't opening. Kathryn could hear Michael screaming for her, the baby crying. "Computer override the door locks, authorization, Janeway pie four alpha three five."

"_That authorization code is not recognized._"

Kathryn knew tears were falling at this point. A mother's worst nightmare had literally sprung up before her very eyes. Her children were trapped, her crew was dead, and the computer was not recognizing her voice commands. She couldn't open the door. All she could do was stand there and listen as their cries began to die down. Sobbing at this point she wasn't aware at first the new cry that could be heard, not until the children had gone silent. Turning her heard slightly she saw a dark mass move towards her and with a final gasp of horror she collapsed against the bulkhead.

* * *

"I told you I wasn't lying!" Sarah yelped from somewhere behind Chakotay.

The first officer looked down at the frozen face of Crewman Edwards. He knelt down pulling out his tricorder. He wasn't even going to begin to understand how the young man had ended up on the _Excalibur,_but considering their first attempt to transport over to the ship had resulted in materializing on top of a table, Chakotay wouldn't have been surprised if Edwards had accidentally been beamed over here. So Sarah had been speaking the truth about one thing, that Edwards had been here, but he saw no sign of physical injury, like she had suggested. It appeared that nothing grabbed Edwards out of the lift. "I don't think he died from physical injury," he finally said, looking at his readings. "There's no sign of a wound."

Sarah was grasping tightly to her sides, hugging herself. "I know what I saw, Commander. Something reached into the lift and yanked him out screaming."

"He died of a heart attack," Chakotay replied, standing up.

"A heart attack?" Tom said. "How is that possible? Edwards was one of the most health conscious people I knew."

Chakotay shook his head. "I can't be sure."

"Let's assume that Sarah's telling the truth, that there was something in the corridor with them and it grabbed Edwards from the lift," Tom started, staring down at the body. "Could it be possible that the fright…killed him."

"Scared to death, Tom?" Chakotay assumed. "That's a pretty rare way to die if you ask me."

Tom shrugged his shoulders slightly. "Look around you Chakotay, this ship is anything but normal. There are strange forces at work here, who's to say that Edwards' didn't die because of them. All I'm saying is, everything that we've been brought up to believe is being tested, to the very core. There's evil here, you of all people must be able to see that."

Chakotay saw it alright. Even though he was a spiritual man, he still tried to find the scientific explanation in everything that happened around him. Right now, there was nothing scientific about what was going on. All he knew was that the three of them were currently trapped in a living hell with little chance of getting out in one piece. His hand brushed the handle of his phaser. He doubted that the weapon was going to do them much good here, on this ship. "What were you doing before…the attack?" he asked Sarah, cautiously.

"We'd just called up the logs," Sarah recalled, pointing towards the panel she had been working at.

"Are you…feeling anything?"

"Nothing but bad things, Commander," she whispered. "You touch that panel, _it_ will come back."

"So it's safe to say that whatever _it _is, it doesn't want us accessing the logs," Chakotay replied.

"Some kind of malevolent spirit, a poltergeist?" Tom ventured.

Chakotay stood up, putting the tricorder away. "Let's see if we can get to the bridge. I have a feeling the answers are there." He moved around the body, careful not to the touch the panel that Sarah had been working on. If there was some type of evil presence here he was not about to provoke it by touching the panel, especially after Sarah had warned him that doing so would bring it back.

The three officers had to climb back into the turbo shaft and begin to climb, Chakotay first, Tom bringing up the rear, with Sarah wedged in the middle. No one spoke more than a few words, their ears all tuned into the sounds of the ship. There was groaning hull plates, cries that they all could have sworn were screams, perhaps apparitions or more of _Voyager's_ crew that suddenly found themselves trapped on a ship that had a mind of its own. By the time they reached the bridge, Chakotay's hands were freezing and he was sure that it was going to be a fight to get the doors open, which was why he was surprised to find them already open. Warning the others to proceed cautiously, he climbed out of the lift and entered the blackened bridge.

His wrist torch didn't provide much light; neither did Tom or Sarah's when the lieutenants climbed through the shaft. With a grunt he moved towards a panel and prayed that they could get it working. He didn't know why there was such a pull to the bridge, but he just knew they had to get the computer up and running. The answers were there, they just had to find them. "Tom give me a hand with this," he ordered the young pilot, noticing that Sarah was wandering around, flashing her wrist torch about.

"This thing's in pretty good shape," Tom muttered. "It shouldn't take long to get up running." He began to work with the controls. "What are you hoping to find here Commander?"

Chakotay shook his head. "I'm not entirely sure Tom, but I'll know it when I see it." He glanced up to find Sarah. All he could see of her right now was the wrist the torch and the outline of her body. He didn't know why but he didn't want her wandering too far from the group. He was about to voice that when her light hit another door.

"Sir, I think it's the ready room," Sarah called out. "Maybe we can access the captain's logs from there."

He moved towards her. "Good work, stay right there I'm coming—." Her hand had reached out and touched the access panel and the doors swished open. He felt jittery that she was acting without him there, why he wasn't sure. It suddenly became clear when something seemed to suck her inside the room suddenly. She screamed a scream that sent a shiver up the length of his spine as the wrist torch fell off of her wrist, hit the deck, and the door to the ready room shut. "Lieutenant!"

Tom whirred about, pulling his phaser out. Sarah was pounding on the door. Both men could hear her crying out in utter terror, but Chakotay could not seem to find the access panel to the ready room. It was as if it had disappeared. Tom sprinted over, trying to help him find it. "Commander! We have to get her out of there!" he cried, hysterically, heart pounding. He found that he couldn't wait for Chakotay to find the access panel and decided that he was going to try to pry the doors open. His hands burned underneath the metal of the doors and he jumped back yelping. "The door's hot!"

Chakotay reached up and put his palm to the door. It was indeed hot, like it was on fire, but there was no fire in the cabin, not even smoke. "Find something to pry the door open!" he yelled, instructing Tom to move about the bridge, looking for anything they could use to open the door to get Sarah out. He had known he didn't want her to go near that room on her own, something had told him so, and now she was screaming and trying to get out, slamming her fists down onto the door. This away mission had suddenly turned into a fight for survival, well, he thought, it was probably a fight for survival the moment they had beamed over here, they were just realizing it now. Chakotay just prayed that the realization had not come too late.

His hands grasped a falling conduit pipe. "Tom! Help me!"

Tom rushed over and grabbed a hold of the pipe and together they lodge it between the door and the bulkhead, pushing the door open. But as they started to do so Sarah's screaming stopped. Startled, Tom dropped his end of the pipe. "Sarah!"

Chakotay clutched tightly to the conduit for a moment, waiting for her answer. All they got was the doors swishing open with little effort and Sarah falling out. Tom barely had enough time to reach out before catching her in his arms and lowering her to the deck. The first officer quickly disposed of the conduit and pulled out his tricorder. "Her theta wave activity is…I don't think I've ever seen it this high."

Sarah crumpled in his arms, like a child. "I don't want to stay here anymore, Tom. Can we go back to _Voyager, _please?" Her skin was pale, clammy. But her eyes were wide with terror, like she had just woken up from a horrible dream. The good thing, if there was one in this situation, was that there appeared to be no sign of physical injury. Just like Edwards.

Tom stroked her cheek for a moment. "We will, soon. I promise." He watched as Chakotay tried to get some medical readings on her with his tricorder. He wished they had taken a med kit with them. "Do you think whatever happened in there was…telepathic?" Tom asked, wrapping his arms tighter about Sarah's waist. Of course that didn't explain why the access panel had disappeared and why the door had been too hot to touch.

"I'm not sure…I think some of it was," Chakotay replied. "But I'm also picking up traces of a non corporeal life form. This is interesting; her epinephrine and norepinephrine readings are low."

Tom blinked confused. "Wait, shouldn't they be higher? I thought those were the chemicals that were released when someone was scared?"

Chakotay shut his tricorder down. "They are." He sat there for a moment, trying to collect his bearings, while allowing Sarah to calm down. He suddenly felt the urge to go back to the corridor where they had been looking at Edwards' body, where Sarah had said she had accessed the captain's logs. Maybe the answers had never been on the bridge, he had just felt that it was the most logical place to go for answers, and when one was in a state of panic it was natural for them to go to something that they were familiar with, comfortable with. The bridge was probably the most comfortable and familiar place he knew. "Let's go back to the corridor."

"What?" Tom said. "The one where Sarah told us not to touch anything?"

"The one and only," Chakotay said. "Get her on her feet."

Tom did as he was told. Sarah was shaky on her legs and required his support. He didn't even bother to pick up her wrist torch. "Can I ask why you want to go back there? Or do you want to get us all killed, Commander? If that's the case, it looks like we're doing a pretty good job of it on our own." He followed Chakotay back to the turbo shaft, dreading the climb down having to help Sarah. "We should be looking at getting off this ship, meaning we should find the transporter room or the shuttle bay, maybe there's an old shuttle in there that still works. Staying here, sir, means we're going to die here."

Chakotay started down the shaft. "Not if we understand how Edwards' died."

"Huh?"

"Call it a hunch Tom," Chakotay said as he began the climb down. "But I have a feeling that we'll find that Crewman Edwards' has low epinephrine and norepinephrine readings as well. I've also set my tricorder to alert us if there are anymore signs of noncoporeal energy on this ship. Something tells me that the two things are related."

Tom reluctantly followed him, guiding Sarah. "Well, one thing is for sure, if we survive this, our reports are going to make interesting reading for Captain Janeway."

* * *


	53. Chapter 53

* * *

Tuvok entered sickbay to find that the body of the unfortunate crewman had been removed and that Kathryn Janeway's prone form now resided on the surgical biobed. Fifteen minutes ago a frantic Tal Celes had contacted him and told him that she had found the Captain outside of her quarters unconscious. She had gone out there when she heard Janeway sobbing for the children. The Vulcan had instructed that Tal contact sickbay and had the Captain transported there. Leaving the bridge in Harry Kim's care, Tuvok had proceeded directly to see the Doctor. Right now the hologram looked most perplexed.

"Report, Doctor," Tuvok ordered, stepping up to the biobed.

"I wish that I had a substantial one to give you Commander," the hologram replied. "But the truth is I've found nothing to reason as to why she is in this state. Other then the fact that her epinephrine and norepinephrine readings are low; there is nothing wrong with her. I'm waiting for the results on her brain scan."

Tuvok placed his hands behind his back. "Did Kes have any success retrieving Crewman Teller's memories?"

The Doctor shook his head. "No," he said. "Unfortunately there wasn't enough neural activity left to make the link." His eyes lit up for a moment. "But perhaps she could make one with the Captain. Other than the low chemicals in her brain that I told you about there appears to be no neural damage. Of course I won't know for certain until a more in depth brain scan is complete, but I think it will be safe for Kes to try."

Tuvok pondered this for a moment. Kes was still learning how to use her abilities and since she was still young they had yet to fully develop. He would have rather tried this experiment with Sarah Barrett, who although had just discovered her powers, they were as mature as they were ever going to be, she just had to learn how to use them. "I can act as a guide for her through Captain Janeway's memory."

The hologram nodded his head and called for Kes. They quickly began to set up. The Doctor put a cortical inhibitor at the base of Kes' neck and told her that if at anytime he felt she was in danger he would terminate the link. "Kes, I want you to know that this entirely up to you."

"I want to help," Kes replied. "How do I start?"

Tuvok stepped up to the biobed. "Close your eyes and focus on the voices you hear on this ship." He watched as her eyes slipped shut. "Now, I want you to rise above the voices, you should be in a place all by yourself. Are you in that place Kes?"

"Yes," she said with a smile. "It's so peaceful here."

"Good, now, can you hear another voice?" Tuvok asked, "Can you hear Captain Janeway?"

Kes' face contorted with concern for a moment. "Yes, I can hear her."

"What is she saying?"

The look on Kes' face continued to contort from concern to fear. "She's afraid, the children they're in danger and she cannot get to them. The door won't open. She's standing outside the door and she can't get inside. The children are in trouble but she can't help them." Kes' suddenly gasped, the biocomputer next to her beeping wildly at her state of hyper tension.

"What happened?" the Doctor asked, worried.

"There's another voice in the corridor with her," Kes said, breathing heavily.

"What is this voice saying?" Tuvok asked.

Kes shook her head. She couldn't make it out. Suddenly she wasn't in the corridor with the Captain and the faceless voice, she was on the other ship, in a cold, dark room. Reaching out she found a presence that the crew had been searching for the past three hours. "I hear Lieutenant Barrett."

This intrigued both the Doctor and Tuvok. "Where is she?" Tuvok questioned.

"She's on the _Excalibur._"

"Is she alone?"

Kes' brow furrowed in concentration. "No, I don't think so. I can't hear the others though." Her hands began to shake. "She's afraid, there's something in the room with her, and it's trying to hurt her!" At this thought Kes' blue eyes flew open, the biocomputer now madly screaming in the background. "Get them out of there! It's trying to kill them!"

Tuvok grabbed her shoulders. "Tell me where, Kes! Where is the away team?"

Kes' tried some calming breaths and before closing her eyes again. Reaching out she tried to focus on Sarah's voice again, this time it was harder to find and for a moment she was afraid that the…being had killed the young woman. But after several seconds she heard the voice again, shaky with fear, but alive, and with Tom and Chakotay. The officers were making their way down a turbo shaft, trying to reach a place four decks below them. "Deck four," she said, with certainty. "They're heading for deck four."

Tuvok didn't waste time; he contacted Kim on the bridge and told him to sweep the _Excalibur's _deck four. The Vulcan was certain that they didn't have a lot of time to get the away team off of the old ship before eventually whatever was on the ship with them killed them. And the sooner they got the away team back, the sooner they could get away from this moon before _Voyager _suffered the same fate as the _Excalibur. _

* * *

The corridor was colder than the last time they had been there. Tom Paris pulled himself out of the shaft, after helping Sarah Barrett up onto the deck. One thing was for sure, he realized, he wasn't going to have to do any of the Starfleet physical training exercises that were required each month this time around. His muscles were already aching from the climbing of the day and there seemed to be no end in sight to this nightmare. Actually, there was one conclusion to all this, and it wasn't very pleasant. Getting to his feet he reached out and placed his hand on the small of Sarah's back. She had regained some of her composure but the lowered chemical levels in her brain were starting to catch up to her, she was exhausted. And the more he thought about it, he knew that they all on some level or another were exhausted. _Fighting for your life had a funny way of doing that to you_, Tom thought.

Chakotay was leaning over the body of Crewman Edwards, still twisted just outside the turbo lift, scanning him with his tricorder. "Just like I thought, there are low levels of epinephrine and norepinephrine readings. And high theta wave activity."

"I have a feeling this isn't a coincidence," Tom said. "But I understand why Sarah's theta wave activity is high, but Edwards? He isn't telepathic, that we know of."

"The alien has telepathic powers," Sarah said. "I've felt it since _Voyager _came across the _Excalibur."_

"So are we hallucinating the whole thing, all of us at the same time, or just one of us?" Tom asked. This was getting harder to get a handle on the more they uncovered.

"No, I don't think so," Chakotay replied, "Some of this is hallucination, but what parts I don't know. We already know that the _Excalibur_ went missing sometime in the twenty third century, so at least the ship is real. However, all that's happened here, who knows where the line has been drawn; none of this making sense."

"Commander, since we've been dragged into this quadrant, very little has made sense," Tom pointed out which emanated a grunt from the first officer. He pulled his large form up, still looking down at the body and walked away silently.

Chakotay led the group towards the panel where Sarah had accessed the captain's logs from before. The answers to all of this were in those logs. Pulling out his tricorder he started to scan the panel. The systems were starting to degrade, they had been for years. There were traces of the noncoporeal being in the computer. It was if it had become a part of the ship and was purposefully blocking their access to the logs and ship's systems. Chakotay wondered how many wayward ships had passed by here, checking out the distress signal, only to succumb to the horrors of this alien being hunting and stalking them. "It's going to take a while to get through all this degradation."

"Something tells me we don't have that kind of time," Tom quipped.

"Be thankful that Sarah's attempt earlier has already repaired some of the damage," Chakotay replied, getting to work. The last thing that Edwards had uncovered before he and Sarah had been attacked was the sensor logs. There appeared to be nothing out of the ordinary, just the fact that the ship's mysterious disappearance from the Alpha Quadrant didn't seem to be explained in those sensor logs. That is until Chakotay began to scroll down more and saw what he had been dreading all along. This ship had detected a beam scanning them, the same kind of beam that had scanned his ship and then _Voyager_ before they had been pulled into the Delta Quadrant. "Did Captain Janeway ever mention how long the Caretaker had been pulling ships into the Delta Quadrant?"

Tom shrugged his shoulders. "Not that I can recall," he said. "Why?"

"Because I think the _Excalibur _got here the same way we did," Chakotay said, grimly. "Unfortunately, they didn't have our luck."

"Luck? You call all that's happened to us, luck?" Tom scoffed, glancing at the console. Something caught his eye. Letting go of Sarah, he started to work at the panel as well. "Commander, this is interesting. The gravitational pull, it's really a tractor beam."

"A tractor beam that isn't detected until it's too late because you've moved in to investigate a distress call," Chakotay said. "In other words, a modern day booby trap."

Tom grunted as he continued to work. A booby trap that they had fallen right into with the promise of finding a way home, and now they had learned that the there was no way home, just a horrible death a waiting them. If there was only a way they could get in touch with _Voyager, _let them know what was going on, perhaps the crew could be saved. "Commander, I'm trying to access the sensors, maybe _Voyager _isn't caught in the gravitational pull yet, maybe there's a chance that we can send them a message."

Chakotay shook his head. "No, the communication array is…gone. There's no other explanation for it."

"Anything could have happened to it," Tom said, frustrated. He jumped when a voice filled the corridor. He had accidentally stumbled upon the logs of the captain. The man's voice was unusually calm for a captain that had been torn from his home and was now facing a terrifying death. "Um, Commander," Tom said, backing away from the screen. "I think I found something."

The first officer stopped what he was doing and turned to face the screen. "_We're all but gone. We've lost main power; we have no way of pulling out of the gravitational pull of the moon. We attempted to send out a message buoy; it was destroyed. If anyone uncovers this log, stay away from this ship! Destroy it if you must! It is a death trap!" _The screen went black and the officers found themselves standing in stunned silence. None of this was making any sense. Was the captain suggesting that the creature fed off of fear? Sarah's lowered chemical levels after the incident in the ready room on the bridge could be evidence of that and Crewman Edwards had died of a heart attack, but he too had low levels of chemicals usually heightened when people were afraid.

Sarah let out a shuddering breath as an image of the captain of the _Excalibur _passed the screen. "It doesn't like that," she stated. "I don't know why, but it doesn't like us digging around in the captain's logs."

"Well," Chakotay said, "that's where we're going to dig."

He continued to uncover more of the logs. For the most part it was nothing but an increasingly hysterical man wondering why they had been ripped from their home and carried more than seventy thousand lights years away from Earth only to be hunted by a monster. Chakotay felt a chill creep up his spine. He didn't need to be telepathic to know that the creature was coming. And then something caught his eye, a flash of dark matter bursting from behind the bulkhead. It hit him square in the chest and he heard Sarah and Tom both gasp in surprise as he went crashing into hull plates. He felt his lip split open and blood began to trickle into his eyes from a head wound. Pushing himself up onto his elbows he tried to find the others in the dim light of the wrist torch.

They were rushing to help him get up. At the end of the hall they could see that the creature was rounding on them. Chakotay stood up, and reached for the panel again. He didn't know if that was the answer here, to not let this creature feel their fear, but he was not about to give up, not yet. Sarah may have walked away at first because she didn't think she had a choice, but Chakotay was not about to back down. He hit the button to play the next log. The captain's voice filled the corridor. "_I am the only one left. The creature has hunted us all down, fed on our fears. He will get me, but I will make sure that he doesn't get anyone else._"

Chakotay was slammed with a force that was unlike anything he had ever felt before right in his chest. It sent him flying back into Tom and the two were crushed against the hull plates. As they tried to untangle their limbs from the other's the creature moved in, Chakotay felt his heart thundering, blood rushing his ears.

Tom was stumbling away from him, the look of a frightened animal that had just been cornered. Sarah was cowering against the hull plates across the corridor. The first officer saw Tom move towards the panel, trying to access the communications array that they had just determined was down, in his panicked state. There was a beep from the computer and Tom tried to get a message off before the creature struck him square in the chest. He went flying through the air, landed on his side, rolled and got up trying to find a place to run and hide.

By now the creature was shrieking, in anticipation of the kill. Chakotay was breathing hard. In all his time with Starfleet and then the Maquis, he had never felt so afraid then he did at that moment. It was apparent that Sarah and Tom felt the same way. "We have to get off the deck!" he screamed, getting to his feet. He tried to move towards Sarah to help her up, but the alien threw him back again with a deafening force. With a sick feeling in his stomach, he realized who the creature had picked as its first victim.

It stalked towards Sarah now. She tried to crawl to get away from it, crying out in terror. Chakotay felt his heart start to race faster than a starship at warp; his head began to spin as the alien engulfed Sarah, swallowing her whole. The last image he had before he passed out was her screams mingled in with the cries of the creature, the strange sensation that his limbs were being stuck with a thousand pins and needles, and then all went silent.

* * *

"I've got them!" Harry Kim yelled triumphantly from operations.

B'Elanna Torres threw him a smile across the bridge from the engineering station. Tuvok had only given him a few minutes to locate the away team and beam them back to _Voyager._ Harry hadn't been sure if he could do it, the transporters were still malfunctioning, and to all their knowledge had not been fixed yet. "Everything seems to be in working order," he reported now. "It appears that we didn't lose anyone else on this transport. I've also located two of our missing crewmen. They're on the _Excalibur _as well."

B'Elanna ran her fingers over the controls of her station. "I'm isolating the targeting scanners, Harry; you should be able to pick them up just like you did the away team." She leaned back in her chair, feeling the first signs of relief that she had felt all day creeping over her. She didn't know how Tuvok had known what deck to isolate the targeting scanners on but she was sure as hell glad he did. Another few hours and the away team may have frozen to death over on the _Excalibur. _

"Good work, Mister Kim," Tuvok said evenly. "Tuvok to Kes, can you report on the condition of the away team?"

"_All of them are unconscious right now, Commander, but preliminary scans show no signs of permanent damage,_" Kes' voice filled the bridge. There were several smiles breaking out on the crews' faces, happy that their senior officers had been found alive. "_I'm going to have them moved to sickbay so the Doctor can examine them._"

Tuvok straightened his shoulders. "Very well, keep me informed, Tuvok out." He went back to his work, asking Baytart to move the ship at a safe distance from the moon so they would not get caught in the gravitational pull that seemed to be getting more intense by the hour. Tuvok felt that they were safe from whatever was on that ship and would wait for Captain Janeway to give the command to continue on their course. She had been released from sickbay just before he came to the bridge, but to his surprise, she had refused to go to the bridge and instead retreated back to her quarters. Recalling what Kes had said during the link with Janeway, Tuvok was sure she was going to make sure the children were safe, even if the Doctor, himself, and Kes had all reported that there was not even scratch on them.

He would give her some time to relax, and then report to her that the away team was back safely. For now they were out of danger.

It took a few moments but Chakotay slowly became aware of his surroundings again. Opening his eyes he found that the ceiling of sickbay was staring back at him. For the first time in hours he felt the tension leave his body as he realized they were safely back on _Voyager._ The strange pins and needles sensation he had felt just before blacking out must have been the transporter beam. Rolling his head to one side he saw the Doctor pressing a hypospray to the neck of Tom Paris. The pilot was sitting up, a glassy look in his eyes, but he was alive, and that was all that they could ask for after what they had been through.

Struggling with his body, which suddenly felt heavier than ever before, Chakotay sat up on the biobed. The movement must have caught the eye of the Doctor. The hologram was turning towards him, hypospray in hand. The First Officer felt it pressed to his neck and immediately he didn't feel as tired anymore. "This will make up for the lack of chemicals in your system," the Doctor explained to him. "You and Mister Paris are free to report back to duty."

"Lieutenant Barrett?" Chakotay questioned, eyes moving about the room to find her. She was laying on the surgical biobed, blanket covering her. The faint beeping of monitors suggested that she was fine, but he was concerned that she had not woken up when both he and Paris had. "Is she…is she going to be alright?"

The hologram glanced over his shoulder. "When she was transported back to _Voyager_ she was close to cardiac arrest, but Kes managed to stall it long enough to get her to sickbay and I treated her. However, I'd like to keep her for observation."

Chakotay felt his own heart start to race. If _Voyager _had not beamed them back to the ship when they did, then Sarah would have died on the _Excalibur, _in the same fashion that Crewman Edwards had died. Suddenly he remembered why they were all in sickbay in the first place. The alien being could quite possibly be moving in to stalk them now on _Voyager. _Kathryn needed to be notified that her ship and her crew were in grave danger. "Where's Captain Janeway? I need to speak to her right away."

"I'm afraid that the Captain is unavailable at the moment," the Doctor reported. "You weren't the only one that had a…scary day Commander. In fact this whole day has been nothing but mystery after mystery."

The First Officer jumped down off of his biobed. "What kinds of mysteries, Doctor?" Chakotay wasn't sure why, but he had a feeling that the experiences of the crew and that of the away team were similar. He didn't know how, but that made him feel even more anxious. The little information that they had gathered about this alien was that it was noncoporeal and that it somehow fed off of their fears, or the chemicals produced by their fears. Then there was possibility that the alien was not alone on that ship, perhaps it had a mate that had been feeding off of the fears of the _Voyager _crew. Of course him, Paris, and Barrett, had been easier targets because they were alone, with no contact from their shipmates. The alien had fabricated scary situations on the _Excalibur _for them; it was plausible that it was responsible for the transporter malfunctions, the away team's separation, and the transporting of Edwards to the old ship. _Spirits, we're dealing with an intelligent monster._

"Crewman Teller died from a massive coronary. I still haven't determined what triggered it," the Doctor replied. "Then the Captain shows up unconscious with low levels of epinephrine. And now you all show up, unannounced, and with Lieutenant Barrett in a condition that could have been far more serious if she had not been returned to the ship when she was. You're lucky you got transport back to the ship when you did, or she would have died. I don't know what the hell happened over there, but it appears that it was no joy ride."

"You can say that again," Paris mumbled.

Chakotay's palms suddenly felt clammy. "Doctor," he said, tensely. "Have internal sensors picked up any…unexpected guests?"

The hologram frowned. "No, that that I've been made aware of."

"Chakotay, that thing manipulated the systems on the _Excalibur,_" Paris said, jumping down from his bed. "I think it's safe to say that it could do the same to _Voyager's._"

The First Officer rounded and faced Kes. "Kes, you've shown telepathic tendencies in the past. Can you feel anything…and I mean anything out of the ordinary, right at this very moment?"

Kes shook her head. "I felt something was wrong in Engineering, but it by the time I arrived it was too late, Crewman Teller was dead. And when I made a telepathic link with Captain Janeway to access her memory I felt a presence in the corridor with her, but it only happened when I saw the memory. The only thing that I've been attuned to is the presence of the away team since that moment I was in Captain Janeway's memory. I felt Lieutenant Barrett was with the presence, in a dark space, it was trying to hurt her."

_When she was trapped in the ready room, _Chakotay mused. "Tom, download the _Excalibur's _logs into our systems, I want to replay that last one, before we were attacked the final time."

Paris nodded his head and took his tricorder to the nearby console. He placed it against the computer and began to download the little bits and pieces of the logs they were able to come up with before the alien had tried to kill them. The captain of the _Excalibur _soon appeared on the screen, repeating the information that Paris and Chakotay had heard on the ship just moments before if felt like. But this time both found that they were able to listen to his words carefully and not with a sense of urgency and panic. When the log ended, Paris looked at Chakotay for a moment, waiting the first officer's orders.

Chakotay stared at the blank screen. He was about to issue an order when Barrett sat straight up on the biobed, a cry on her lips. Paris was immediately at her side, the Doctor running a hand scanner over her. Chakotay moved towards the surgical area and waited patiently for a report. He was more interested in what Sarah had to say then he was the Doctor, but unfortunately the hologram was the one to give him a report first.

"She's fine," he said, simply, "bad dream I suppose."

Barrett looked straight at Chakotay; her sapphire eyes turned to ice and made his blood chill. "The _Excalibur, _it has to be destroyed. I don't know how, but…their soul so to speak…is attached to that ship. I…spoke to their captain. Michael told me three days ago he saw a man in his quarters; it was the captain of the _Excalibur. _He's been a presence here since we entered this system. He's been trying to protect the children from the alien, but he says he's running out of time. Eventually they'll overpower his presence. They've picked their next victims. If we don't destroy the ship, Chakotay, they'll kill the children and we'll only get pulled in deeper until we're all dead, just like the crew of the _Excalibur._"

Chakotay felt his heart stop for a few seconds; a horrible vision of Michael and Ava going through what he had gone through on the old ship flashing across his line of vision. And then anger took a hold of him. _I won't let them hurt your children, Kathryn. _"Sarah, Tom get to the bridge, have Tuvok load all weapons, I'll use them all if I have to! I don't want any trace of that ship, or that distress signal left behind."

"Sir," Paris interjected. "Do you honestly think it's a good idea to provoke them? We don't even understand how they operate."

His eyes glowed with a dark luster. Chakotay snapped, "Those beings have declared war against us for all I care! They've already killed two of our crewmates, and now they threaten innocent children! The line has been drawn and they've crossed it!" His eyes were raging with an anger that none of them had seen before, it was quite possibly the type of anger that had made him a good leader in the Maquis, and if the aliens had reared this side of him, then Paris knew they had good reason to fear him.

Barrett's calm voice brought them all back down to reality. "Sir, the aliens are going to put up a fight. It's possible that they'll try to induce another telepathic horror to the entire bridge crew."

A shiver formed at the base of his spine. "As long as one of us is available to push the trigger, then they lose." The red alert klaxons began to blare; Chakotay sprinted towards a panel, while pressing his combadge. "Bridge report!"

"_We are under attack, Commander,_" Tuvok's stoic voice reported. "_I request yours and Captain Janeway's presence on the bridge._"

Chakotay stood rigid. Was this all alien allusion? "I'm not picking up any ships from here, are you sure Tuvok?" It didn't feel like the ship was under attack by…conventional weapons. His eyes flickered up towards Barrett, she had a glassy look in her eyes, her skin had turned a few shades paler and was it his imagination, but the room was colder. "Lieutenant?"

Her words were an icy death sentence. "They're here."

"Then we don't have much time to destroy that ship," Paris mused, trying to sound braver than he really felt at that moment.

"Get to the bridge," Chakotay ordered the other officers.

"Where are you going sir?" Barrett asked, hands shaking as her and Paris began to move out of sickbay with him.

Chakotay set his jaw. "To the Captain."

* * *

Kathryn Janeway tried to immerse herself in her work, anything to keep her mind off of the terrifying hallucination of earlier that day. Nothing, not even coffee ice cream shared with Ava was working. It had been her worst nightmare, fully real to her; her crew dead and her children trapped, in need of her, and she couldn't reach them. When she woke up in sickbay Tuvok, the Doctor, and Kes had all reported that the children were fine, _Voyager _was not under attack and the crew was not dead. It had not satisfied her. She had rushed back to her quarters as fast as she could to make sure that the children were safe. She found them eating dinner with Tal, blissfully unaware of their mother's ordeal.

"Mama," Michael said from his bedroom door, "I can't go to sleep."

She sighed, glancing up from the report she had been trying to focus on. "Michael, I've searched that room three times with my tricorder. There is no one in there with you. Now, please, just go lie down, close your eyes, and you'll fall asleep, I promise."

The child looked over his shoulder tentatively, then back at his mother. "Can I sleep in your bed?"

Kathryn nodded her head, pushed her tired body off of the sofa and followed her son into her bedroom. He was pulling the sheets down and climbing between the covers, pulling the blanket up to his chin. Kathryn sat down on the edge of the bed and brushed the stray pieces of hair out of his sleepy eyes. She tried offering him a reassuring smile, but his fears just could not be put to ease, and they had started when _Voyager _had entered range of this old starship. Blinking for a moment she wondered if it was coincidence or not. "Tell me about the man," she whispered, suddenly more curious about the whole thing. "What does he look like?"

Michael looked at her puzzled. "You told me that he wasn't really there."

"I know," she said, gently. "Please, honey, just tell me about him. What did he look like? Was he tall?"

"He had blonde hair, and he was kinda short," Michael replied. "He had a uniform on."

"What kind of uniform?" Kathryn asked, gently stroking his cheek with her finger.

"The kind that Tom showed me, in a history lesson," Michael said. "Tom said it was an early Starfleet uniform, from the twenty third century. He had a gold shirt and black pants."

Snuggling the child closer to her, she felt her mind start to reel. Was it possible that Michael had been seeing a ghost from the _Excalibur's _past? Kathryn had never been one to believe in such things, always sticking to scientific reason as to why people thought they saw apparitions. But she couldn't think of any at the moment, she doubted that it was a trick of the light in their quarters, or on the whole ship for the matter since Michael had seen this man in more than one place. He seemed to be following her children. But why?

Even as she pondered the answer to this, the door chime rang. Michael had started to drift off to sleep and Kathryn felt it was alright to leave him in her bed, snuggled underneath the blankets. Silently she went to answer the door. Chakotay was standing there, with the look of a feral animal. Behind him she could see the red lights flashing and it scared her that she had not been aware that the ship had been put on red alert. She felt her breath quicken as he pushed his way past her, phaser drawn. "Get the children, Kathryn."

"Chakotay, what's going on?"

"Kathryn, please don't question me," Chakotay said, scooping Michael up into his arms. "Just get the baby."

There was something in his voice that compelled her to trust him. Moving from her spot she hurried to the baby's door and typed in the access code. Stumbling in the dark she made it to the crib and grabbed Ava, blanket and all, and rushed back out into the living room. There was something different; she felt the change in the air. It was a familiar chill, it had happened before in the corridor just before she had collapsed. _No, not another hallucination! _Was this really all a delusion? Was Chakotay even real? "Chakotay, please, tell me what's going on?"

His eyes turned towards her, alive with anger and fear. "We have to get out of here Kathryn; we have to stay one step ahead of them."

"Who's them?" Kathryn hiccupped as he grabbed her with his free hand and pulled her out into the corridor.

"You don't want to meet them Kathryn," he responded, coldly, moving along.

Kathryn noticed that the corridor seemed to be in a state of disarray. There was debris littering their path. Grasping tightly to Ava, who had stirred and was whining, she felt her heart beating wildly in her chest. _It looks just like before,_ she recalled. _Breathe Kathryn, the children are with you, they're safe, and you can see them. _So why did this make her feel just as terrified as before? "Chakotay, where are you taking us?"

"The Bridge," he replied, stopping just outside of the turbolift. He knew that the bridge crew was going to need all the help they could get when they attempted to destroy the _Excalibur, _he didn't want to bring the children there, but it was the only way for Chakotay to protect them. Perhaps the presence of the _Excalibur's _captain would aid in their fight too, since he seemed fond of keeping Michael and Ava safe. For a moment he pondered what to do next, recalling what had happened on the _Excalibur_ in that turbolift. "We're going to have to take the Jefferies Tubes," he announced, turning around, gently leading Michael by the hand. "It's safer that way."

By now she was trembling. He wanted her to climb up three decks, with her small children, for reasons unbeknownst to her, and he considered it safer than the lifts? "Chakotay, I don't understand," she whispered, her voice coated with her terror. "What are you trying to protect us from?"

Chakotay shook his head, trying to keep them moving. If they stopped to talk about this, the aliens would have time to catch up with them. He had to stay ahead of the game. "I can't explain now, Kathryn. You just have to trust me."

They were rounding the corner, the hatch to the Jefferies Tube was in his sight when he felt the same force that had slammed into him on the _Excalibur,_ hurl him into the wall. He heard Michael scream, Kathryn gasp, and Ava start to wail. Rolling onto his side he could see the dark mass circling, rounding like it had when it went after Sarah on the old ship. And now it had Kathryn and the children in its sight. _No! _Fumbling with his phaser he set it to kill, knowing that it would have very little effect on the creature, but praying it would stall it's rapid progress towards Kathryn and the children, who were trapped against a bulk head with no where to run. He fired the weapon hitting the creature dead on. It shrieked and turned towards him. "Come after me you monster!"

The creature didn't seem interested, and Chakotay knew it was because he was no longer afraid of it. It turned again, moving again towards Kathryn and the children. Michael was clinging desperately to his mother, who looked horrified. Ava was sobbing loudly. Chakotay fired the weapon again. "Leave them alone!"

Chakotay's phaser firing distracted the creature for a moment, long enough for the Captain to act. Kathryn was moving, which caused Michael to start crying. Ripping open a panel, she grabbed a hold of wiring and tugged hard on it. Sparks flew as she pulled the wires from their home and turned towards the alien as it closed the gap on her and her babies. She plunged the wires deep within the creature and _Voyager's_ energy spilled into it, causing it to cry out in pain. Grabbing a hold of Michael and Ava she dove away from it as Chakotay fired the phaser again, igniting the electricity within the beast. It erupted into a ball of fire. Chakotay was hit dead on, falling back onto the deck with burns on his face and hands. Kathryn threw her body over the children before she too was hit by the fire and rendered unconscious.

* * *

The turbolift suddenly skidded to a halt and Tom, Sarah, and Kes were all thrown violently against the wall. Tom managed to get to his feet first, reaching for the controls, but he was thrown back again violently. Soon the lift was falling rapidly. Kes screamed as the cab started its free fall downwards several decks. The three occupants could only hold onto the sides of the walls and pray for it to stop. When the cab finally came to a rest all three were laying on the floor, bodies twisted in some odd fashion, breathing heavily. None said a word for a moment, as if waiting for the lift to start falling again.

Finally Sarah managed to find her voice. "What deck are we on, Tom?"

Tom pulled his body up off the floor and tentatively went to the controls. After several seconds of playing with them he determined their location. "We're between decks ten and eleven." He turned towards Sarah. "Do you think our friend is trying to stop us from getting to the bridge?"

Sarah stood, smoothing her jumpsuit, but leaving her disheveled hair alone. "It knows what we're up too, Tom, it's going to do everything in it's power to keep us from the bridge, that means even turning the ship and crew on us." She looked above her and decided their next course of action. They didn't have a lot of time now that the alien or aliens knew what they were planning. "We have to get to the bridge, and if we have to crawl through the Jefferies Tubes, then so be it."

Tom nodded his head and opened the emergency hatch and helped Kes then Sarah through before climbing in himself. He had barely grabbed a hold of the rungs of the ladder when the cab tumbled again. "Good thing we weren't in that," he called up to Sarah, who was several feet above him.

"That's because I made it believe we were," she said. Two could play this telepathic game. "But, I don't know how long it's going to believe that."

"Well," Tom quipped, "some time bought is better than no time, I suppose." He watched as Sarah came to a stop at the doors on deck ten and began to work the controls. As she did so, he heard the cab shuddering somewhere below them. Peering down he realized that it was starting to fly back up towards them. "Ahh, Lieutenant, you might want to hurry."

Sarah knew that the time she had bought them was not going to be long enough. Furiously she worked the controls and got the door open, throwing herself onto the deck then pulling Kes through the doors. Tom managed to climb out and roll away from the door just as the cab went flying by the open door. Letting out a breath of relief, Sarah got to her feet and ordered that they head for the armory on this deck. If they were going to make it to the bridge all in one piece they were going to need to arm themselves with something better than a hand phaser. It was true that they had no idea if their weapons would work on the aliens but she had to assume it would at least wound them enough to stall their attacks.

They rounded a corner and were surprised to find one of Tuvok's security details waiting for them. "I'm sorry Lieutenant," Lieutenant Baxter said. "Commander Tuvok has ordered us to take you and Mister Paris into custody."

"What for?" Tom cried, angry. _Didn't Sarah mention that the ship and crew could turn against us to prevent us from going to the bridge?_

Sarah moved in closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure Tuvok has a perfectly…logical reason for wanting us in custody, right Mister Baxter?"

As Baxter complied his answer Tom felt something slip into his hand, realizing suddenly that Sarah had given him her phaser. He didn't wait a second longer; he shot it directly at Baxter stunning him. Kes gasped as the lieutenant fell to the deck and the two crewmen in the detail looked just as surprised, pulling their own weapon's in a futile attempt because Sarah had yanked Tom's phaser from its holder and fired it at both of them before they could even respond. Quickly the group moved over the stunned shipmates and kept pressing forward towards the armory. "Damn," Tom said, "the turbolift is trying to kill us, Tuvok's got his security all over the ship ready to arrest us, and now we've just fired on our crewmates; Janeway's going to love this."

"Quiet, Tom," Sarah hissed, as they reached the armory. "It's not like we have a choice." She punched in her access code and stepped inside. She and Tom replaced their hand phasers for compression rifles.

Kes clung tightly to the medical kit she had taken with her from sickbay. "Lieutenant, are you sure those are necessary?"

"We may have to blast our way onto the bridge," Tom said in response. As he stepped out of the armory he quirked a grin. "Commander Chakotay will be proud of us; we must be breaking every Starfleet protocol in the book right now. One could even say that this is a Maquis operation."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," Sarah muttered. "Let's get to the Jefferies Tubes; it's a long crawl up to the bridge."

Before proceeding, she stopped at a panel and Tom could see her input an order into the computer before they continued, but what order, he couldn't be sure. Figuring that it was some trick she had learned while on the Borg Project, he continued along silently. "There they are!" Someone yelled and a shot went whizzing by Tom's head. The three scattered behind bulkheads before Tom lined up his shot and fired, knocking the first person in the security detail down. His second shot missed and the return fire came inches from Sarah and Kes.

"They're blocking the hatch!" Tom yelled at Sarah over the weapon's fire. Behind him he could hear a familiar shriek. _Damn, not now. _

"Computer, initiate Barrett four alpha seven five!"

Tom felt a transporter beam sweeping them up and when they rematerialized they were standing in the center of the bridge. Harry Kim, who was seated in the command chair, looked absolutely mortified that they had shown up this way, bearing weapons. He stood on two shaky legs. "Tom, what's going on?"

Tom chose to ignore him, tapping his combadge, " Paris to Chakotay." There was nothing but silence. " Paris to Janeway." Again more silence and he worried that perhaps the command team had been confronted by the creature or worse yet, killed. They had been hoping that Chakotay and Janeway would have made it to the bridge by now, then again if they had run into such resistance, Tom could only imagine what the Captain and First Officer had come across. There wasn't time to think about all that now. It could all be a simple meddling of the communications systems from the aliens so Tom and Sarah couldn't contact Chakotay. They were going to have to proceed without him.

Sarah's eyes flickered to face the view screen. There were no attacking ships and she wondered if the security details were actually their shipmates or telepathic visions of them. However, their suspicions were confirmed that it had not been Tuvok contacting them at all, because there was no sign of the Vulcan on the bridge. It was indeed the creature trying to lead them into a trap, or rather, creatures. Now that Sarah was back on _Voyager,_and her mind had had the chance to settle, she realized that she was picking up more than one presence. It was like the _Excalibur _and the moon around it had become a colony for these aliens. It had to end here.  
"Where's Commander Tuvok?"

"He went off duty fifteen minutes ago," Harry reported.

Sarah and Tom exchanged glances. "It's now or never, Tom, set a course, take us within firing range of the _Excalibur._"

"What?" Harry quipped. "We're going to destroy that ship? We haven't even figured out how it got here!"

"We know enough Harry," was all Sarah said before ordering him to take his station.

Harry reluctantly did so, keeping a watchful eye on her. He found it hard to believe that the Doctor had sent her back to duty after they had all been unconscious just thirty minutes before on the transporter pad. As he took his station he noticed that Sarah was ordering everyone to arm themselves, it was at this time he noticed that Kes had beamed onto the bridge with them, holding onto a med kit. _What the hell is going on?_ He exchanged glances with B'Elanna at the engineering station. She looked just as puzzled as he was. "We'll be in weapon's range of the _Excalibur _in ten minutes."

"Arm all torpedo bays," Sarah ordered.

"Aye, ma'am," the young crewman at tactical managed to squeak out.

_Great, I need Tuvok right now, _Sarah thought as she watched the _Excalibur _get larger on the viewscreen. Behind her she heard a scream, whirling about she saw a black mass moving across the bridge, pouncing on top of the young crewman at tactical. Aiming her phaser rifle she fired at it and hit it dead on. The compression rifle seemed to be more than it could handle and it was gone. "Harry, transfer tactical control to your station!" Sarah screamed, running to check on the crewman who was now lying on the floor. He was alive, but unconscious. "Kes, can you treat him here?"

Kes nodded her head, calmly. "I think so."

"Lieutenant," Harry said, nervously, grabbing her attention. "There's another ship out there. It's…its Borg ma'am!"

_Clever, but not clever enough. _"Maintain our course, Lieutenant Paris."

"Are you crazy? That Borg ship will destroy us!" B'Elanna shouted from the engineering station. Her heart was racing. They had just witnessed one of their shipmates being attacked by…well she couldn't sure what it was, and now there was a Borg cube moving in on them, and Sarah was continuing to press forward to destroy the _Excalibur. _It didn't make any sense. Captain Janeway would never do this. "We have to retreat!"

"No!" Sarah yelled.

"The Borg ship is within ten kilometers of us," Harry reported. "And closing in fast!"

"Tom how much longer until we're in weapon's range?"

"Five minutes," Tom said, in a rational tone that irked B'Elanna. How the hell could both of them be so calm at a moment like this? "We just have to hold them off until then."

B'Elanna felt her heart race. "This is crazy!" She said, fingers running over her console. She had to get helm control. She had to get the ship away from the Borg cube that was moving in on them. Before she even knew what was happening she realized that Paris had pointed his phaser at her, with an apologetic look on his face, he stunned her. With helm control safe for the time being, Tom returned to his station, looking regretfully at Sarah then at Harry, who opened his mouth to say something, when the crashing of hull plates could be heard.

Clutching tightly to her phaser Sara felt another presence, not the one they had wounded before, moving into position to make the kill. And she knew its target. It was whoever had tactical control. Which at that moment was Harry; as she realized this and turned about, phaser pointing towards his station, a fire erupted behind him. Harry cried out in pain as his arms and upper body were engulfed in the flames. Someone, Sarah wasn't sure who, tried to put the fire out. Terrible cries, unearthly ones, filled the bridge and the crew began to lose whatever control they had over their fears. A force more powerful than a hurricane wind knocked into her and the phaser went flying from her hand. Ayala was shooting, but he was so panic stricken Sarah was sure that he didn't know what to shoot at. Gasping for air suddenly as the viewscreen seemed to rip off the ship; she grabbed a hold of Janeway's command chair. "Tom!"

"We're almost there!" Tom choked out over the gushing of colliding oxygen and space around him. He kept telling himself that it was all delusion that there was no damage at all to _Voyager, _and that he wasn't about to be sucked out into space. It didn't stop his heart from beating wildly though as he noticed that more and more of the bridge crew were succumbing to the fear. He peered over his shoulder to see Sarah struggling to get up and get to the panel between the command chairs. Suddenly he felt like he had been picked up by his collar and was flying backwards, through the air towards her.

Tom landed on top of her and both of them stumbled out of the command chair, trying to catch their breath. He heard the conn beep that they were in weapon's range. Now if only Sarah had managed to get tactical control to the command panel. He sprinted towards his station, lights flashing, the air swirling about, to keep _Voyager _steadied, while Sarah fired the torpedoes. "Sarah! Do it now!"

Wiping blood from her lip, Sarah crawled back up into Janeway's chair, her hand reached out to press the button that would end all this. A terrible cry emitted from the back of the bridge. The alien was moving at her at a frightening pace and she was reminded of the corridor back on the _Excalibur. _It wretched her away from the panel and she watched from her back as it plunged something resembling a limb into the command console. It exploded in a brilliant flash of red and orange. Sarah dashed for tactical as fast as she could, noticing Kes standing there eyes wide with fear, not sure how to react.

Tom was firing the compression rifle at the alien, trying to buy her more time, but another one appeared out of nowhere and struck him in the back. Screaming in agony he hit the conn face first and fell unconscious.

Sarah was almost at tactical when both the creatures reared around and went straight for her. Trying to regulate her breathing, she was thrown back down the steps. Crawling across the command station she tried to get to her rifle but she could feel her energy draining as she lost vital chemicals. "Kes!" she cried, realizing that Kes maybe their last chance. "Fire the torpedoes!"

Kes moved quickly form her spot; hand reaching the console as the aliens let out a cry of what Sarah hoped was terror. Collapsing at the base of the command station, her last fleeting thought was an image of the _Excalibur _exploding on the view screen before everything went dark and she plunged into what was now a familiar abyss.

* * *


	54. Chapter 54

* * *

_Captain's Log, supplemental: Two days have passed since we successfully destroyed the Excalibur. Voyager sustained minor damage and the crew minor injuries. The Doctor informs me that everyone will be able to report for duty in the morning. Unfortunately, while the distress signal that the aliens used for so many years to lure unsuspecting ships into their trap has been terminated, we have no way of knowing if it destroyed them completely. For now, a warning buoy has been deployed, and we can only hope that no other ship has to go through what the crew of the Excalibur did. As for myself, and my crew, the whole experience has left us all a little unsettled. _

* * *

The rocking motion of Ava's rocking chair didn't seem to be calming either child that night. Kathryn Janeway had mindlessly fallen into a rhythm what felt like hours ago, rocking back and forth in the chair. Michael was huddled next to her, Ava in her arms, but still neither child gave into the sleep that had to be beckoning them. Sighing, Kathryn closed her eyes for a moment, completely lost in thought that she didn't hear the door chime go off.

"Kathryn?" Chakotay's voice brought her out of her stupor. Opening her eyes slowly she could see him standing in the doorway to the nursery, looking concerned. "Didn't you hear me ring the chime?"

Giving him an apologetic look, she shook her head. "No, sorry," she replied. "What can I do for you Commander?"

He handed her a stack of PADDs. "I know the Doctor said no work, but if you're having as much trouble as I am trying to stay distracted, then I thought you could use these. Tuvok seems to agree. It's all the status reports from the last two days. It appears that _Voyager _as a whole got out of this encounter unscathed, with the exception of a few burnt out consoles. We just need your approval on the little repairs."

Sliding Ava off of her lap, which resulted in both children whining, Kathryn grabbed the PADDs, assuring them that she would be right back. Chakotay offered to tell them a story to keep them occupied while their mother went to type in the necessary approval into the computer's systems. Michael seemed more enthused than Ava about the prospect, but Kathryn surmised that the Commander could hold his own for a few moments while she tended to her work. Besides, she needed the break. She had been rocking for at least an hour and her backside was beginning to get numb; she welcomed the chance to get up and move.

Pulling her personal computer around to face her she began to give the authorization codes for the repairs, listening to the sounds of Chakotay's voice in the nursery as he told the children a story. Her mind began to wander over the events of past two days , seeing that horrible monster rounding on her and her children in the corridor, Chakotay trying to keep them safe. How terrifying must it have been on the _Excalibur _for the away team? They had been trapped on that ship for over three hours, alone with no way to communicate with Voyager. She had only read bits and pieces of Chakotay, Tom, and Sarah's reports, and after her own experiences with the aliens, she was none too eager to continue reading them. For the most part, the three officers seemed to be coping with their personal ordeals and Kathryn was just relieved that she had not lost more than the two unfortunate crewmen. If Kes had not been able to fire the torpedoes, however, Kathryn knew she wouldn't be standing there typing in authorization codes for repairs.

Whatever had compelled Sarah to bring Kes to the bridge with her and Tom, Kathryn was grateful. She thought about Sarah's account of speaking to a vision of the captain of the _Excalibur; _he had claimed to be a presence on _Voyager _for sometime, to protect the children from the creatures, perhaps he had been the one to push Sarah to take Kes with her. They probably would never know.

Finished with the work, Kathryn shut the computer down and went to take the PADDs back into the nursery to Chakotay. She stopped in the doorway at the sight that greeted her. Both children were snuggled up against Chakotay, sound asleep, and the first officer in turn was napping as well, his arms gently wrapped around the children's small bodies. Smiling gently, Kathryn grabbed the throw on top of her bed and draped it over them, and then with one last look lowered the lights and left the room, beginning to wonder if fate had thrown them all together.

* * *

Pulling an over-sized wool sweater over her head, Sarah shook out the last bit of dampness from her hair and proceeded to replicate herself a warm cup of hot chocolate. It wasn't something she drank often, but it reminded her of her childhood, and right now she needed to feel comforted. She had just finished her log on her experiences on the _Excalibur. _Even reliving those horrifying hours in writing had made her frazzled, so she took a hot bath, climbed into some comfy clothes, and decided that a good book and a cup of hot chocolate would help her to relax for the rest of the evening. She had just settled down onto the chase lounge, legs curled around her, when the door chimed. Even before she allowed the person in, she knew who it was. "Come in."

Tom Paris stepped inside the cozy lit room, wearing a jade green button down shirt and black pants. "Hi," he said, softly. Suddenly all the courage he had mustered to come here in the first place, was gone, looking at her. The rosy color of the sweater she was wearing accented the tint in her cheeks, dark hair, still damp at the ends from a bath, framed her delicate face, and she was quirking one of those grins that made his knees go weak whenever she did it. He had come here with every intention of telling her how he felt, but now, his resolve was slowly leaking away.

"Do you want something to drink?" Sarah asked, getting up off the chase lounge and moving towards the replicator. "Coffee? Tea?"

"Just a glass of water, thanks," Tom replied, watching as she turned her back and ordered the computer to replicate a glass of ice water for him.

She handed him the glass and their fingers brushed for the smallest of moments. He felt the spark pass between them. Awkwardly their eyes met as Tom put the glass of water down on a nearby end table, he reached for her, letting his hands rest behind her head, softly weaving his fingers into her silky hair. For a moment his eyes rested on her face and then he felt himself being pulled towards her, their lips closing the gap between them…

_"Doctor to Lieutenant Barrett._"

They pulled a part as if suddenly they realized what was about to happen. Sarah reached for the combadge resting on the dining table, trying to keep her back to him. "Go ahead, Doctor."

"_Could you come down to sickbay please?_"

Sarah's eyes locked with Tom's for a moment. They pleaded with her to tell him no, and apart of her wanted to say no, to explore what was going on between the two of them, but another part was screaming at her to get out while she could. "Is there an emergency Doctor?"

"_I wouldn't classify it as an emergency, Lieutenant; just Ensign Wildman apparently _needs_ someone to talk too."_

With a sigh she told him she was on her way and she closed the comlink. Tom was looking at her with a twinge of sadness on his face. Tears began to creep into her eyes and she instinctively turned away. The silence seemed to drag out between them with neither of them knowing what to say exactly. "I should be going," Sarah finally whispered. She tried to be quick about leaving, but Tom was faster, he grabbed her by the arm, not forcefully, but with enough force to hold her in place before she could make it out the door.

He wasn't about to let her go, not yet, not without her knowing how much he cared for her. Tom turned her towards him, pulling her closer to him. "When you were trapped in that ready room, it was the single most terrifying moment of my life. I thought I was about to lose you, without ever saying what I needed to say to you. I don't know why, I haven't been able to understand it myself yet, but I've fallen hard for you, Sarah. And I don't want another day to go by without you knowing how much I love you."

"We can't Tom," she cried, tears falling down rosy cheeks. "We're senior officers…"

"Do you think I care about protocol?" Tom snapped. "If we're going to survive out here, there are some protocols that are going to have to be done away with. We could be out here another seventy five years, Sarah. Do you want to throw your life away like that? I know that a starship isn't exactly the best place for a relationship, but it's better than spending the next seven decades alone, don't you agree?"

Before she could reply he pressed his lips to her eagerly. Sarah wanted to return it, every fiber of her being wanted her to return it, but the cold fear that had gripped her two weeks before, when she had realized how much she cared for him, snapped her back to reality. She pulled away, tears soaking her cheeks by now. "Tom, I'm sorry," she whispered, "I can't." She managed to get out of his arms and out the door, making a mad dash for the turbolift, for she knew that if Tom caught her again she couldn't resist the next time.

"Sarah, wait!" Tom called after her.

She turned in the lift just in time to see him sprinting after her. The doors shut in his face and she called for the lift to take her to deck five. In the short ride she managed to wipe the tears off of her cheeks using her sweater, but she knew that the Doctor and Samantha Wildman, and whoever else she encountered in the next twenty minutes or so would know she had been crying. Thankfully the corridors of deck five were abandoned and she managed to get to sickbay without anyone questioning her if she was alright.

The only ones in sickbay were Ensign Wildman and the Doctor. The hologram was busy working on something, a bit aways from where Samantha was lying on a biobed. "Ah, Lieutenant," the hologram greeted, which caused Samantha to sit up.

"Sorry that I couldn't get here sooner," Sarah said, finding her voice was still a bit unstable. The hologram grumbled something that was inaudible to her. "Doctor, if you don't mind, I'd like to speak to Ensign Wildman alone."

More grumbling from the hologram resulted in the EMH moving into his office. Apparently he thought he should be privy to this conversation, but if that was the case all along, then Samantha would not have requested to speak to Sarah. And Sarah knew that Samantha had requested it. She was starting to get better at reading people's thoughts. Waiting until she was sure that the Doctor was tucked away in his office working, Sarah sat down on the edge of the biobed. "What's going on Samantha?"

"I…well, I...that is to say... we…we'd been trying for months," Samantha started, "I wasn't sure until…the other day. My husband is still at Deep Space Nine...he doesn't even know..."

It took a moment for Sarah to take in her words. "Samantha," she said, softly, resting a hand on her knee, "Are you pregnant?"

"Yes," Samantha hiccupped, tears cresting on her eyelashes.

Sarah did the only thing she could think of at that moment. She hugged the shaken ensign tightly and silently prayed the answers would come later. For now, _Voyager _was going to have to prepare for another baby.

* * *


	55. Chapter 55: Faces

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: Here is my rewrite of _Faces. _Enjoy! We're almost at the end of the reposting, yay!

* * *

**_FACES_**

Tom Paris tried to get some sleep, but the steel bunk and the growing thought that he was about to be gutted for his healthy organs was preventing sleep from coming to him. Staring up at the bunk above him, which contained the sleeping form of Peter Durst, Tom began to once again relive the last few moments in their shuttle, when he had been trying to outrun a Viidian freighter and get a message to _Voyager._ He had tried for so many days to get away from Voyager, volunteering for whatever away mission Captain Janeway had on the table. He got the feeling that Janeway knew he was trying to avoid something, whether or not that she knew that something was her ship's counselor, Tom could not be sure. Now, he reasoned, he may never know the truth.

Covering his face with his arm, he took in a deep breath. He'd been surprised when Janeway had finally given into him and assigned him to pilot a survey mission for B'Elanna Torres. Peter Durst had been assigned as a security detail because Janeway wasn't sure what hostile forces they could run into. _Voyager _meanwhile had gone to scout a nearby system for food supplies. Tom hadn't been aware and he couldn't pinpoint the exact moment of their shuttle passing out of communications range of _Voyager _but if he was perfectly honest, he was glad to have the time without the ship and Chakotay checking in on them every hour.

It had been one of his many mistakes. When the Viidians attacked they were so far out of range Tom wasn't sure a message buoy would get to the ship in time. He had hoped to outrun them; they had merely latched on with a tractor beam and pulled them into their shuttle bay.

The shuttle had been boarded immediately and all three had been stunned. Tom and Pete had woken up in a rather grim looking holding cell, on top of bunks that made Starfleet issued mattress feel like fluffy clouds. But B'Elanna was nowhere to be found. Tom had tried to inquire about her to their guard but he didn't seem talkative. When Tom had started to issue demands, the Viidians had stunned him again, promising him next time it would be his organs. _Go ahead take them, _Tom wanted to challenge, but then Sarah's face flashed across his vision and he was immediately humbled. True he had been avoiding her for the past week, but he still cared for incredibly. He was still praying he had a chance in hell. It was a slim chance to begin with made even slimmer by his blunder a week ago.

Groaning to himself he rolled onto one side, still keeping his arm firmly in place. Why did he have to be so damn impulsive? If he could just learn two things, one being to keep his mouth shut, his life would probably go much more smoothly. When he got back to _Voyager _he would go about telling her the right way, no just showing up at her door, no just bluntly declaring his feelings for her; he'd create a nice romantic holodeck program, maybe dinner at some fancy restaurant in Nice, France, and walk along the beach in the moonlight, or maybe a trip to twentieth century New York, there was nothing like the past to set a romantic tone. He could just picture it now; he'd have her meet him on the holodeck where a vintage limo would pick them up and take them to the fanciest restaurant in the city. Of course he would have to find some way to convince her to come. _Another problem for another day, _he thought, numbly. _Right now, you have to focus on getting back to Voyager in one piece._

Pete rolled over on the bunk above him, causing the structure to shake slightly. Tom released his arm from his face and stared at the wall of the holding cell, listening to the sounds of his colleague's breathing.

He'd asked for a chance to communicate with _Voyager _hours ago. The request of course had been denied. Tom was sure that Janeway's threat to retaliate with hostile force if her crew or ship was threatened had something to do with that. Still, they hadn't exactly said no, maybe there was still time to negotiate their way out of this mess.

_What a negotiating team we have, a half Klingon woman would sooner kill the Viidians than talk them, a blundering pilot and a security officer, _Tom lamented, shifting on to his back. If there was one protocol that Tom was going to look at getting changed when or if he made it back to _Voyager, _it was that the ship's counselor was going to be going on _EVERY _away mission in case they had to deal for the lives. Again his thoughts had drifted back towards Sarah and he realized that it didn't matter how much or how far he traveled to avoid her, he still couldn't get away from her. _Snap out of it Paris!_

He heard the creaky doors of the barrack open but he didn't pay attention. The Viidians were constantly in and out, taking away other prisoners to what one annoying Talaxian had called "organ processing". Thinking of that conversation hours ago now, Tom recalled how quickly the Viidians had extracted Neelix's lungs from his body. Shivering for a moment, Tom tried to rid his mind of the terrible thoughts that were swarming through it.

But despite the chilly tone of the Talaxian's conversation, what he had offered up had been informative. They were on their way to a colony to bring medical supplies. When Tom had asked why they all weren't dead yet the Talaxian had replied that the Viidians needed strong bodies to move their supplies and dig their tunnels. So if you'd stayed healthy, you might have a tiny chance of being rescued. That is of course, _Voyager _got the message buoy and the Viidians had not destroyed it. Tom also knew that they could be days ahead of _Voyager._

"Tom," a female voice whispered. He didn't recognize it, it sounded soft, weak. A hand reached out and shook his shoulder. "Tom."

Rolling over to find the source of the voice Tom came face to face with B'Elanna Torres. But there was something different about her and he couldn't make it out in the lightening from the angle he was stationed at. Sitting up he immediately realized why she seemed different.

She was completely human. "B'Elanna?" Tom asked, shifting his position so he could see her better. Maybe he was so dehydrated that he was delusional. There was just no possible way for B'Elanna Torres to be completely human. It didn't make sense. He closed his eyes and opened them again, hoping that would change the woman's appearance before him. Nothing changed; B'Elanna was still sitting there on the floor next to his bunk, looking ill and entirely human.

Dark eyes pooled with unshed tears. Tom wasn't even aware that the woman was able to cry; she never struck him as the type. "Yes, it's me," she finally whispered, weakly, leaning her back against the wall. Her hand reached up and absentmindedly rubbed her now ridge less forehead. "It's so strange," she mused. "As I child I would do anything to hide them."

Tom sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bunk. He felt awkward. He had never been the buddy type with B'Elanna. She thought he was pig. Thinking back to how he had treated Sarah last week, he was wondering if there was some merit in that. He didn't know how to read her as a half Klingon and he certainly didn't know how to read her as a human. And if they managed to get back to _Voyager _how was he ever going to explain to Janeway that B'Elanna had some how been turned into a human, and if this was the case, what the hell had happened to her Klingon half? "How…"

"How did they do this? I'm not sure. I woke up in some laboratory and they told me I was completely human," she replied to his unvoiced question.

"It doesn't seem possible," Tom muttered. She had been physically separated from her genes and created into two different people. Tom didn't know much about medicine just his basic first aid, but something told him that neither B'Elanna could last long without the other. "Why would they want to do that?"

B'Elanna shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know," she replied.

There was a rustling sound as the Talaxian above the cot B'Elanna was thrown at turned about on his side. "What else drives the Viidians?" he asked the two officers. When there was no reply, he smiled, "the Phage. They're obsessed with finding a cure. They'll poke, prod, and dissect you if they think you have something that can be used to fight their battle."

"They must have thought your Klingon DNA has something that is…immune to the Phage," Tom suggested, shuddering and thanking whatever spirit on high that he was all human. Of course, if _Voyager _didn't show up soon then he would be nothing but organs in glass jars.

"Why not just kill my human half then?" B'Elanna asked the Talaxian, looking up at him.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Perhaps they felt sorry for you," he offered. "The Viidians like to think that they are not as cruel and blood thirsty as they appear. Let's face it, not all of them are, it's the scientists you have to worry about, they're the ones who capture ships and do horrendous tests on their victims."

Tom felt bile rise in his throat. "Let me guess, we're lucky enough to be on one of those ships now?"

"Indeed you are my friend," the Talaxian offered. "Of all the people on my ship…I'm the only one left. Each and every one of them at some point was taken, never to be heard or seen from again. What exactly happened to them, I'm not sure, but I know this, if you want to stay alive around here, you must stay healthy, or they'll take you away and gut you while they can." His orange-yellowish eyes flashed with a dark, smoldering look, "If you're weak, you're no good to them except in containers, waiting to be transplanted to people in their minds who need the organs more than you."

B'Elanna shivered, and Tom noticed the look of fear flash across her face. "I'm sure _Voyager_ will rescue us by then," he offered which garnered a laugh from the Talaxian. Tom glared at him and set his jaw. "Listen, friend, our captain will stop at nothing to get us back." _She isn't a force to reckon with, _Tom added in his head and at this moment he realized just how much he deeply respected Kathryn Janeway. "I'm sure she's on her way right now to rescue us."

The Talaxian kept snickering, rolling over onto his side. B'Elanna shook her head. "He's right, Tom. We're going to be nothing but a pile of organs by the time Captain Janeway catches up with us." Tears slid down her cheeks. "I promised Harry we could have that stupid dinner he wanted to make me weeks ago when I got back. Now it looks like I'm going to break that promise." She buried her face in her knees and Tom couldn't be certain, but it sounded like she was crying.

Tom swallowed. He was never good with women crying, last week had proved that point. He bit his lip trying to think of something Sarah would say in this moment. "Hey," he quipped. "Let's have a little optimism, okay, B'Elanna."

"Optimism?" B'Elanna retorted. "That's easy for you to say, you haven't been split into two different people."

He had to admit that she had point. But he had been the senior officer in charge when she had been split, and for that he felt guilty. He was responsible for hers and Durst's safety, he'd gotten them captured by blood thirsty aliens. His thoughts drifted back to the three hours trapped on the _Excalibur, _Sarah's screams while the predators closed in around her. Tom hadn't been the senior officer in charge on that mission, Commander Chakotay had, but Tom suddenly understood what the older man must have been feeling, while they were being hunted down. Tom had never been one to understand responsibility before, perhaps that was the reason for so many of his mistakes, but now, sitting in that damn cell, responsibility hit him full bore. If he didn't get Pete and B'Elanna back to _Voyager, _it was him and him alone who was responsible for their demise. "No," he finally replied to the silent human woman, "but I have to live with the burden that it was _my _inability to save us from the Viidians that led us here."

She tilted her head for a moment. B'Elanna had never personally regarded Tom Paris as a friend, to be honest, she didn't see how people like the Delaney sisters, or Sarah Barrett for the matter could be attracted to him. The latter had been quite a shocker to B'Elanna personally. Sarah was so stubborn and strong-willed; the former Maquis could picture their counselor killing Paris before loving him. Of course, there wasn't any proof that she actually _did _love him, just rumors floating around the ship of Sarah seen running to a turbolift from her quarters, crying, Tom chasing after her. For a brief second she felt sorry for Paris. And then reality slammed into her; _you're trapped on Viidian penal ship, split in half, and you're feeling sorry for Tom Paris? _"What happened to being positive?"

"Don't know; seemed like the senior officer thing to say," Tom replied, with a little quirk of his lips.

B'Elanna hadn't known him long, but she known him enough that humor was his way of hiding behind his true emotions. What they needed right now was Harry and his over abundance in optimism. _Harry, I miss you, what are you doing right now?_

"You, get up," a gruff voice said.

Both Tom and B'Elanna were yanked to their feet and pushed into a line of prisoners, along with Pete Durst, who looked perturbed that he had been woken up. "What's going on?" Tom muttered in their Talaxian friend's ear.

"Prisoner transfer," he replied, in just as hushed a tone. "We're being taken either to another ship or a colony. Your ship will never be able to find you now."

* * *

Hands on her hips, Kathryn Janeway set her jaw, gearing up for battle with her latest opponent. She had dealt with impending warp core breaches, being hurdled seventy thousands light-years from home, energy beings that were intent on hunting her crew down, nebulas that really weren't nebulas at all, species that wanted their technology and species that wanted their organs. Surely she could handle this new obstacle in her path. For twenty minutes she had tried to wait the adversary out and then for another fifteen she had attempted to make peace with same adversary, to no avail. Now it was time to dig her heals in and fight.

In one swoop she snatched up the squirming Ava and carried her kicking and screaming into the bathroom.

With the toddler securely underneath one arm, Kathryn kneeled down and started up the bath water. At the sight of the water filling the tub, Ava shrieked even louder, which caused Michael out in the other room to cry that she was being too loud and making his headache worse. Her day had been nothing but Michael's flu and Ava's protests to everything her mother wanted to her to do. While her brother attempted sleep the day away, Ava had managed to break three vases, spill milk all over Tuvok who had stopped by to bring the Captain a report, and tear a decorative tapestry off the wall. Kathryn shook her head while she fumbled with Ava's pink jumper and managed to pull it half off before the little girl gave a shift kick to her gut. With a grunt she released the child and Ava went scampering off again, half naked.

_If only Bryan could see his daughter now, wouldn't he be pleased. _Grumbling, Kathryn pulled herself off of the floor and went into the living room. Michael was sitting on the sofa crying, looking a shade greener than he had just fifteen minutes ago and Ava was huddled underneath the dining table, eyeing her mother cautiously. Each step that Kathryn took towards Ava resulted in an even louder scream. Moving the chairs out of the way, she reached out to grab a hold of her daughter, but all she managed to get a hold of was her shoe. The child managed to wiggle her self free of her mother's grasp which caused the shoe to come flying off of her foot. The force of the motion knocked Kathryn back on her behind and the shoe came crashing into her face.

Dropping the shoe, she rubbed her sore nose and was almost expecting to see blood dripping from it.

Gritting her teeth she looked about for Ava. All she could see of her daughter was two feet sticking out from the blanket of Kathryn's bed which had been tossed on the floor at some point during this tiresome day. Crawling on her hands and knees, Kathryn silently stalked her way towards her bed. _I've beaten the Kazon and the Vidiians. I can beat a one year old._

Reaching out she managed to snatch Ava by the shoed foot and pulled her from underneath the blanket. The child put up a fight, kicking and screaming while her mother managed to pull the rest of her clothes off, pick her up and carry her back into the bathroom. The tub was almost overflowing and with a desperate cry Kathryn tucked Ava underneath her arm and shut the water off.

Letting out a sigh of relief she lowered Ava into the water, which proved to be a mistake because the child was still fighting her. Kathryn was soon covered in a supple amount of soap and water that smelled of honey and flowers. Closing her eyes she tried to use her command training to calm her self, but it was proving to be useless. From the moment Michael had woken up at zero four hundred hours vomiting up whatever it was Neelix had fed them that night and running a fever over a hundred degrees, Kathryn had been trying her best to care for him. Things had been going fairly well, Kathryn had informed Chakotay she would not be reporting for duty, Michael's fever had seemed to be breaking and he could hold down replicated crackers and apple juice, and then Ava had woken up and proceeded to plow her path of mischief and destruction. This led to Michael not being able to sleep like the Doctor wanted and whenever Kathryn went to help him settle back down Ava either cried in protest having lost her mother's attention or managed to wreck something else. The fight over the bath was just adding fuel to the fire. Kathryn was exhausted, both physically and mentally.

Ava must have been aware of this for she had stopped her thrashing and kicking once she was complete submerged in the water but she continued to wail, large tears running down her baby cheeks. Michael was now standing in the middle of the living room, stomping his feet and telling Ava to be quiet. Ava just sobbed louder.

Feeling tears pressing her eyes herself, Kathryn thought miserably,_ I'm the commanding officer of a hundred and fifty people and I can't even control my two children_.

Letting the tears freely fall, because she knew she couldn't stop them if she tried, Kathryn reached into the tub and found the wash clothe and began to give Ava her bath that was suppose to happen over thirty minutes ago. She cried throughout the whole process of being washed and when Kathryn lifted her out of the tub she stood on the towel, dripping wet, screaming. Michael was no longer crying too tired from his illness to continue; he had resorted to lying down on the sofa, covering his ears, sniffling.

While Kathryn dried Ava off the door chime ran. Knowing that she looked absolutely horrible, with her uniform front soaked, her hair falling out of her French twist, and her eyes red, she called out, "Come in." Wrapping the towel around Ava, she picked the child up and went to see who was at the door.

Commander Chakotay was standing in the middle of the room, holding a PADD. "I just came by to give you Neelix's latest supply list. Did I…come at a bad time?" He questioned, noticing the frayed looks on both his captain's face and her children's. If the truth be told, he had been sitting down enjoying a cup of tea when he heard the battle going on between mother and daughter. Paper thin Starfleet issued walls were to thank for that, but instead of ignoring it this time, like usual, he decided that perhaps he would go lend her a hand. Chakotay wasn't unaware of the challenges Kathryn faced, being a mother and captain at the same time, but even he realized that she needed not just the burden of her mission shared but the burden of raising two children shared. The Borg had destroyed that for her. Her frazzled state at the moment made his heart swell with sadness. _Why didn't she ask Tal to stay?_

Kathryn shook her head, answering his question. "No, just trying to get Ava down for the night. Um…can you give me a moment?"

Chakotay nodded. "Sure, take your time. I'm off duty."

With a gratified smile she took the crying Ava into the nursery, the door hissing shut behind her. For a moment she pictured Chakotay sitting in the rocking chair with Ava snuggled up against his chest. The tears threatened to escape again as she thought of Bryan, who should have been the one Ava took refuge in that night. Again the battle waged within her, one part saying not to let this man, who had no biological ties to her children become a father to them, but another part urged to let it happen, that it was what her children, and quite possibly what she needed to happen. Fighting the tears back, she shook her head. _Kathryn, you're just exhausted and emotional because of it. _"Computer, lights at full please."

There was a chirp and the lights came on. Holding Ava firmly to her side with one arm she reached out and grabbed the baby's sleeper from the crib. She went to place Ava in her bed, towel and all, and began to dry her off. When the toddler was dry she removed the towel and tossed it to the floor so she could have both hands available to dress Ava in her sleeper, expecting just as long a fight as before.

However, Ava seemed to be relenting a little and allowed her mother to dress her, tie her damp locks of hair back and tuck her into bed. Kathryn grabbed one of the many teddy bears in the crib and pulled it's scrunched up legs down. An old Earth lullaby began to play and Ava grabbed onto the bear, her eyes sleepily shutting.

"Computer, lights at twenty-five percent illumination," Kathryn ordered, softly. The lights dimmed after a chirp and the captain turned about, leaving the room. She listened to the sounds of the baby's breathing mixed with the gentle lullaby before exiting back through her bedroom into the living room.

"Rough night?" Chakotay's voice asked. Kathryn glanced up to see him standing in the doorway to Michael's room, the lights behind him dark. "I helped him get into bed, it looked like you could use a hand." He moved towards the sofa and sat down, his eyes inviting her to join him. She collapsed onto the cushions next to him.

She shrugged her shoulders. "You could say that."

The tiredness in her eyes determined his next comment. "Kathryn, you shouldn't have to do this alone; Tal would have gladly stayed to help you." _I would have come to help you, if you had asked._

With a sigh that sounded more like a choked sob, Kathryn turned her head away, to hide her tears. Regaining her composure, she looked at him. "I knew that there were going to be challenges with allowing them to spend time with me on my ship, but I never imagined…having to raise them on this ship." She crossed her arms across her chest, and leaned her head back briefly, letting out a frustrated breath of air. "I should have listened to my mother that bringing two children on this ship was asking for a lot of trouble but I was stubborn, afraid to let go. Michael and I weren't close, I was away all the time, and Ava didn't know me at all. I had very little choice."

Chakotay could see she was throwing up walls again. _Damnit Kathryn, just open up, you'll feel better._ "No one is questioning that choice, Kathryn. But don't think you have to do this alone.

The look in her eyes broke his heart."But I do, Chakotay, the Borg made certain of that didn't they?" Kathryn challenged him. "I've been told I'm a fool to try to raise two children alone, and keep my career. Starfleet offered a refuge from the pain, it was a way to run away from all the anguish. But they couldn't offer me the help I needed with my children, because I am alone when it comes to them."

He pitied this woman who had been thrown a harsh curve ball in life. Death of a loved one was never an easy thing to handle, but when that death was sudden, tragic, it was even harder to swallow. Chakotay surmised that Kathryn still had years of healing left to do. "You did what you thought was best. I'm sure everyone around you understood that what you were going through was extremely difficult. But don't think they want you to do this by yourself. Yes, your children have lost their father, but there are others out there that could be there for them, it doesn't have to be solely your responsibility; I'm not sure it ever did. Your mother sounds like she was more than willing to help you Kathryn. Why can't you let the crew help you now?"

Kathryn's shoulders stiffened suddenly and he knew that he had lost another opportunity for her to open up to him. Sure he was chiseling away at the surface, but something was holding her back. "Where's that supply list you wanted me to look at?"

With a sigh he took the PADD he had laid on the coffee table in his hand and gave it to her. He watched as her eyes scanned it and then approved it with a small nod of her head. She was handing him the PADD back when the comline beeped.

_"Kim to Janeway, Captain I think you should report to the bridge, we're picking up an automated distress call from Lieutenant Paris. They've been attacked by the Viidians."_

* * *


	56. Chapter 56

* * *

The food in front of her didn't look very promising, in fact, Sarah Barrett, thought miserably, nothing had looked promising since Tom Paris' abrupt confession of his love for her a week ago. She had been very uncounselor like the past week, mostly keeping to herself, only giving her opinion when addressed, she was sure Janeway was beginning to suspect something else was going on, especially with Tom's insistence to join every away team that came along. Pushing her fork around in her food, Sarah frowned even more. Tom had only volunteered to lead the mission for energy supplies because he was trying to avoid her and get off of _Voyager _for a while. Sarah found she was more melancholy than before he had left since he had left.

Someone cleared their throat and she looked up into the warm eyes of Neelix, their self proclaimed morale officer. "You haven't touched your food, Counselor. Is everything alright?"

Sarah shrugged her shoulders, eyes looking down at the meal with contempt. "Guess I'm not hungry." She was aware that Neelix was pulling up a chair and settling in to sit at the table with her. _Is he going to spoon feed me or something? _She knew how possessive he could get of mealtime.

"It appears that you need an ear," he said.

"An ear?" she repeated.

"Yes, someone to talk to," Neelix replied. "I've watched you the past hour sit here, looking down at the food like its poison. Now, I know it's none of my business, but you've been walking around with a storm cloud above your head for days now. And in my experience that can only mean one of two things, either you're having romance problems, or you're coming down with something. I heard Michael Janeway was in his quarters all day with the flu. Perhaps you should go see the Doctor."

Sarah shook her head sadly. "I'm not ill, Neelix. The Doctor is going to have nothing to make me feel better."

"Ah, so romance problems then," Neelix replied.

"I didn't say that," Sarah retorted hotly. She would rather not have this discussion. She could barely think about Tom without feeling awful, let alone talk to Neelix about him and what had happened in her quarters a week ago. And the reality that _everyone _on the ship knew something had happened between them was not making matters better. She closed her eyes for a moment, burying her face in her arms. "Neelix," she groaned, "why do I do this to myself? I am a masochist or something? Do I enjoy pain so much that I purposefully go looking for situations to cause it?"

Neelix patted her arm affectionately. "We all make mistakes, Counselor, especially when it comes to love."

Sarah raised her head, staring a head. "I seem to make more than most."

"If you ask me, it's Lieutenant Paris that's making the mistake, if he lets a girl like you slip through his fingers."

Of course the crew had the wrong idea, that it was Sarah who had confessed how she had felt and that it had been Tom to turn her down; what they didn't realize was that Sarah had ran because she was afraid. She was afraid of falling so quickly and so deeply for someone she barely knew. And what if it didn't work out? What would happen then? She had tried a relationship with a fellow officer once, when she had been on her first assignment before the _Explorer. _When they had both been transferred to the _Explorer, _the relationship had gone south and in a hurry. It had crumbled by the time she was arrested and thrown in the brig. The final blow had been when he didn't even show up for the trial. She didn't want to walk down that path again with Tom. They were a long way from home, could Sarah stand seeing Tom with someone else? Would she be able to work alongside of him if things between them didn't pan out the way they both were hoping? _What exactly are you hoping for Sarah?_ So many questions and no answers.

Neelix watched as her eyes closed, thick lashes fanning out over her cream colored skin, concealing azure irises. Those eyes had been the first thing he noticed about her when he had come on board _Voyager. _They held so much emotion and with a signal look she could make any man do her bidding. He wondered if that was something all Starfleet women could do, because he was quite certain that Captain Janeway possessed the same skill. Just as he was about to offer some more comforting words, she gasped, eyes flying opening. "Lieutenant?"

"I…Captain Janeway…I need to see her," Sarah said, frantically, getting up quickly which caused the chair to crash to the floor. Several startled crewmen looked up while Neelix futilely tried to calm her. "The away team, they're in danger!"

"I'm sure everything is fine, Counselor," Neelix tried to sooth.

"No!" Sarah yelled forcefully. "No, it's not! I have to see the Captain!" Her hands shook while she tried to find the right words to explain what she had just seen, but she couldn't even explain it to herself. The vision had happened so fast, like a sudden chill on a hot day. She had seen Viidians, the shuttle under fire, dark chambers, and organs in glass jars. Then before her two women, one human the other Klingon, but they had both looked like B'Elanna Torres. And then Peter Durst had been screaming in pain before the vision exploded into a bright flash of light. It could only mean one thing; the away team was in danger, or already in trouble.

Neelix had very little experience with telepaths, even though Kes herself was one. The abilities that both women held scared him at times. But his fear couldn't deter him from the fact that her senses were trying to tell her something. In one quick motion he took his apron off. "Well, what are we waiting for, let's go to her quarters."

Sarah gave him a puzzled look. "We?"

"Yes," Neelix pointed out. "I'm your resident expert on this area of space aren't I? The Captain is going to need me to find the away team."

"I didn't say they were missing…" Sarah began to protest, pretty sure that the Captain wouldn't be too happy if she brought him to the woman's quarters. _She's not in her quarters. _The young lieutenant didn't know why, but she knew Janeway wasn't in her quarters. Tuvok had said that her abilities worked best when she was calm, at peace. Neelix's decision to join her on her visit to Captain Janeway had steered her away from the frantic thoughts and made her focus for a moment. In that instant she had fully become aware of Janeway's presence. And she wasn't in her quarters. Something was wrong. "We don't have time to argue this point; the away team might not have it," she snapped, making her way out of the mess hall and into a turbo lift, Neelix scampering excitedly behind her.

Panic began to settle back in, the distraction gone. She could hear Durst screaming again; see the two women who resembled B'Elanna, chambers of rock and metal. A thousand different emotions assaulted her, she tried to calm herself, knowing that was the only way she could channel her senses, but it wasn't working. She stumbled out onto the bridge, with Neelix behind her like a lab puppy. Janeway was standing in the middle of the command station, Chakotay besides her. They were in deep conversation, possibly about a course of action to take next, but Sarah disregarded that. Neelix and the rest of the bridge crew watched as she slid her way between the two commanding officers; Chakotay looked shocked, Janeway annoyed by her breach in protocol. "The Viidians have the away team!"

Her harried statement made the look of annoyance disappear from Janeway's face. They had just begun the scans for the shuttle's ion trail. The Captain and First Officer had barely laid plans for what they wanted to do next. "Can you be certain?"

"The shuttle, it was under attack," Sarah gasped, hands starting to tremble again. _Clear you mind, Sarah, clear it if you want to help Tom and the others._ She drew a shuddering breath. "There were Viidians and chambers, Lieutenant Durst was screaming, and I saw…I saw two women, one human and one Klingon that both looked like Lieutenant Torres."

Janeway pondered this for a moment. Glancing up at Tuvok she wondered how much merit she should take into Sarah's statement. Tuvok himself was in doubt of her abilities, but Janeway had seen them work before, even when Sarah wasn't aware that she had them. She had been the one after all to find Tom Paris and Michael trapped in a burrow after they had been caught in a terrible storm during a camping trip. And right now she had no leads other than Paris' message buoy that was sent out hours ago. Her options were few here and she knew that Tuvok would say it was illogical to follow an assumption rather than by the concrete evidence they had before them, which was nothing more than a message buoy and perhaps an ion trail. Her eyes now fell onto Chakotay's face. "The Viidians will do whatever possible to hide from _Voyager; _they'll know we'll be looking for them."

"What is your plan then Captain?" Chakotay asked, raising an eyebrow.

"We're going to hang a carrot in the horse's face," Janeway replied, with that little smirk of hers that Chakotay loved and hated to see at the same time.

"I beg your pardon, Captain," Neelix sputtered. "What do you mean by that?"

She slid her hands onto her hips, her grin growing. "We're going to infiltrate their little operation."

"By infiltrate am I to assume, Captain, that you want to send a team undercover?" Tuvok questioned from tactical.

"No, not undercover, the Viidians are going to know exactly who they are."

This surprised everyone on the bridge, including Tuvok. "Captain," he said, "I think you have finally managed to surprise me."

If Janeway didn't know any better, she could have sworn that he had just told a joke. Of course he would tell her that he was simply stating the obvious. "I told you I would some day," she answered, eyes shining with mischief. "Now," she said, becoming serious and looking around the bridge. "For this plan to work, the Viidians have to believe that whoever is on the ship is no longer apart of the crew of _Voyager. _Tuvok, you're going to fabricate some files for Neelix's ship. Harry I want you to install a homing beacon on the ship so the Viidians cannot detect it, perhaps we should put some of that technology we obtained from the Gerroan to good use. Chakotay, Sarah," she paused for a moment, "Neelix, how do you feel about suddenly becoming dissatisfied with your lives here?"

For a moment the two officers and one Talaxian blinked, looking at their commanding officer in utter shock. None of them knew how to address her. The plan was daring with no guarantees that it would work. Tuvok was the one to break the silence, "Captain, with all due respect, I don't believe that Lieutenant Barrett is a logical choice for this. Starfleet protocol declares that a security officer should be present on an undercover mission. Wouldn't Miss Barrett's talents be better served here, in case negotiation becomes necessary with the Viidians for the release of our people?"

"No," Janeway answered simply. "Chakotay is going to need her telepathic abilities; she maybe the only one who can lead them to the away team."

"Captain," Tuvok pointed out, "I needn't have to remind you that Vulcans possess the same abilities."

"I appreciate your concerns Tuvok," Janeway said, turning about to face him. "But I need your tactical expertise here, on _Voyager. _While Chakotay and the others are pursuing the Viidians, and hopefully getting caught by them, we are going to have to come up with some defenses for _Voyager _to get close to them to rescue them. No offense to Lieutenant Barrett, but I don't think her area of knowledge is weapons and tactical. Besides, I don't think a Vulcan would become dissatisfied with their life."

Tuvok knew she had a point and merely nodded his head.

Across the bridge Harry Kim was getting exceedingly nervous with the whole idea of this mission. The technology they had obtained from their encounter with the Gerroan would surely hide _Voyager _from the Viidians and help track Neelix's ship through this part of space, but there was nothing they could do if the away team got captured while trying to find another. This was a decision that Harry knew his professors back at the Academy would be screaming at Janeway to reconsider.

But Janeway had made up her mind and when she had her mind set there was very little that could be done to persuade her to change it. "I want to be able to launch at zero six hundred, that gives us eight hours people to get everything prepared, understood?"

There was a chorus of "yes ma'am," around the bridge. Janeway nodded her head, handed command of the bridge over to Tuvok and asked that Chakotay, Sarah, and Neelix join her in the ready room. She may have seemed outwardly confident that this was going to work on the bridge in front of the crew, but behind the privacy of her ready room doors she could fully disclose how dangerous she truly believed this to be. But who better to put on this mission than a former Maquis leader, a Borg expert, and a man who had only had himself to depend on for years. She immediately went to the replicator and ordered a cup of coffee. She hadn't had any all day, which was surprising considering how tiresome her day had been.

"I won't lie to you," She began, looking at the three of them. "This mission is extremely dangerous."

"It's the only plan we have at the moment, Captain," Chakotay pointed out.

She took a sip of coffee. "What do you think of this plan, Commander?"

"Me?" he repeated. "I think it's a bit on the crazy side, perhaps a little unStarfleet like, but I think it can work."

"Lieutenant?"

"Our other options seem to take time, Captain," Sarah replied. "The ion trail could take us all over the sector. We're better off following the Viidians, tracking their movements. The longer it takes to find the away team, the shorter time they have on their lives. We all know what's going to happen to them in the end if we don't find them; they'll become nothing but jars of organs."

Janeway shivered, visibly. "Neelix, you're not an officer, I can't order you to go on this mission. If you want, you can step out now and I can send Harry in your place."

Neelix shook his head. "No ma'am, I want to help. If it means bringing Paris, Torres and Durst back to _Voyager _alive then I'm all for it."

A gentle smiled etched across Janeway's face. "Alright then, it sounds like we're going ahead with this. I'll work with Tuvok to get the faulty files into the computer about your leaving _Voyager_. With any luck the Viidians will be intrigued by two humans and a Talaxian trying to make their way through the galaxy without the help of a…more powerful ship."

She dismissed them with the hopes that she wasn't making a fatal mistake.

* * *

Name, what was her name? It was one of the simplest of questions and yet she couldn't recall it. She couldn't even recall how she had gotten to this point in time, lying on her back restrained on some form of bed. It wasn't a very comfortable bed so she could easily assume that she was contained not because she was going crazy but because she was a prisoner. _Captain Janeway will come for you. _Who was Captain Janeway? She tried to bring a picture of this person to mind, but found nothing but foggy images at first, and then, _that's right, she's the one who stranded you here in the Delta Quadrant._

Delta Quadrant, she had called this part of space home for the past three months, on a ship called _Voyager. _Had their ship been attacked and the crew being held prisoner? Anything seemed possible to her at this moment, she was after all serving on a Federation vessel. A Federation vessel that had pursued them into the Badlands. Of course they weren't the ones responsible for bringing her ship of rebels here in the first place, but Janeway had been the one to make the decision, using almighty Federation principles as her reasoning for destroying their only way home. _Prison had been the only thing that was waiting for you anyways._

She had been an enemy of the Federation, dissatisfied with her own life; she had joined a group called the Maquis, looking for a fight, but with a good cause. The Starfleet bigots couldn't see the whole picture, couldn't understand what allying with the Cardassians would do. They were idiots and she had treated them like so for the majority of her time as a rebel. _Voyager _had changed her opinion slightly. One person in particular had changed her opinion. Harry.

_Who is Harry? _A friend on _Voyager? _Starfleet? Yes that's right, she always called him that. At first it had annoyed him, and then caused him to blush slightly, now he just smiled and called her _maquis _in return. She had wondered about those little looks between them before, hadn't she? Wasn't there a part of her that wondered, is it possible he likes me?

_Ridiculous idea considering you aren't human_. If she wasn't human what was she then? _Klingon, you're Klingon. But only half. Half a Klingon always full Klingon. _The arguing with herself had been some thing that was always present, each personality, the Klingon half of her and the human half of her were always battling to be the more dominate party. However, she concluded there was something different about this time. The voice was one voice, not two different ones, screaming at the other. Now there was nothing but one voice, and it was steady, strong telling her a truth that she had quite possibly always known; that her Klingon half had been the one to dominate over the years. Her human half had hated it, but now as she lay in restraints, she found that she was considerably proud of that Klingon heritage. _When did that change?_

She had always hated that part of her growing up; maybe it was because the human children teased her. She suddenly had a desire to see her face. Twisting about so she could move her head, she caught the sight of her reflection in the metal console to her left. At first it seemed like it was a distorted image, her whole face looked…Klingon. The more she stared at it the more she realized that it was not distorted, that she was indeed somehow fully Klingon. _B'Elanna._

Her name. She recalled it clearly now, it was B'Elanna Torres.

And she was being held against her will on some Viidian ship after her shuttle, carrying herself, Tom Paris, and Peter Durst had been attacked and boarded by the aliens. She had been separated from the others and this wasn't the first time that she had been awake.

The first time some horribly deformed scientist had told her that he had completely extracted her DNA, making her fully Klingon. She had demanded to know why. Apparently in his sick and twisted mind he thought that her DNA had some resistance to the Phage, the illness that was slowly killing off his entire race. He had infected her with it, she recalled clearly now. But her body was fighting it, better than the Viidians, perhaps his strange theory held some merit.

But B'Elanna didn't want to lay there like a guinea pig anymore. She was getting out, whether that meant killing Sulan or not.

* * *


	57. Chapter 57

* * *

Neelix scratched nervously at the spot where the Doctor had inserted a biochip of sorts underneath his skin so _Voyager _would be able to monitor their life signs when they eventually caught up with them. He had been promised by the Doctor and by Captain Janeway, and then later Commander Chakotay and Lieutenant Barrett that the Viidians were not going to be able to detect it. The Commander and Barrett seemed unaffected by the prospect of getting captured by the Viidians to find the others. _Perhaps if they were the ones who had their lungs removed, _Neelix thought, looking across the smoky cantina to find his colleagues. For three days he had been increasingly jittery as the three got closer to finding the away team. Now, it seemed like they were breathing down hell's doors.

His orange eyes finally found Chakotay and Barrett, leaning against the bar, speaking to the bartender. He had been sent to scope out the room, to see if any of the travelers had seen a Viidian ship. Everyone had laughed in his face. They weren't stupid; if they so much as saw a trace of a Viidian ship they would turn around and fly in the other direction. Needless to say he hadn't gotten much out of them.

But there was plenty of information circulating about _them_. Captain Janeway had made it perhaps too painfully aware that the three had left _Voyager._Of course each person that he talked too had a different story; each one more fabricated then the next. One was that they had violated Janeway's chain of command and their punishment was banishment from the ship, of course Neelix knew that to be ridiculous. Captain Janeway was more about second chances then throwing people off her ship, plus she had made it clear from the beginning that _Voyager _needed every last hand to accomplish their mission. She wouldn't easily toss two senior officers aside. _At least, _Neelix thought, _that story seemed believable. _The last one he had just heard was that the first officer was having an affair with the lieutenant, thus putting Janeway in a jealous rage. Neelix had helped the two flee.

He shook his head. _Let them believe what they want, if we're lucky, we'll be back on Voyager in a few days. _

The Commander didn't seem to be as optimistic as Neelix. For the past three days they had followed the trail of the away team, searching uninhabited planets and space stations like the one they currently occupied. Everything was the same, the away team had been here, but no one knew where they had gone from this point. Last night they had finally picked up a Viidian warp trail about a parsec from their current position. Chakotay wanted to get an idea on what exactly they were flying into. So far, everyone had told them to turn around.

Neelix was certain that turning around was not an option, not until they had an idea of what had happened to the away team. Each of them were lost in the thoughts of what losing three more crew members was going to do to the crew, to Captain Janeway. She had barely swallowed the death of seven members during the failed test run of the transwarp drive, and then the betrayal of Seska, would she be able to emotionally handle losing two of her senior officers? And of course there was the matter of the friendship between B'Elanna Torres and Commander Chakotay. How would the first officer handle losing one of his closest friends? And the poor young counselor, barely able to love Tom Paris, she was already emotionally torn up over something that had happened between the two a week ago, Neelix was sure that his death would send the young woman over the edge.

Even though she had not openly admitted to her feelings for the cocky pilot, it was growing more obvious to him and to the rest of the crew that there was something more than friendship there. Speaking of the counselor, she was making her way through the crowd and Neelix could tell that besides being one of the only female presences in the room, her tight fitting clothes were causing a few heads to turn.

He knew nothing would happen, Neelix had already seen Chakotay rudely shove away a Fedori merchant when he had gotten too close for comfort to the young lieutenant. The others in the room took that as a hands off signal.

"Come on Neelix, we're going," Sarah said, getting to his table.

"What about Commander Chakotay?" Neelix asked getting up from the table.

"He said he'd be along in a minute," Sarah replied, eyeing a alien that whistled at her rudely. "He wants us to get the ship up and running; we're going after the Viidians warp trail. Our bartender friend not only makes one hell of a Talaxian martini but he was quite forth coming about the Viidians. Two days ago a prison ship was spotted about a parsec from here. He said it wouldn't surprise him if our people were taking aboard that ship. He was curious as to why we wanted to leave _Voyager_ and if we had, why we were going after their officers. I think Chakotay was trying to smooth talk his way out of anymore…unpleasant questions."

The two made their way out of the tasteless bar and headed towards the space dock where Neelix's tiny ship would be waiting for them. The thought of a Viidian prison ship scared the living daylights out of him but he couldn't help but ask, "Viidian prison ship?"

Sarah nodded her head. "Apparently, instead of keeping their…prisoners in one stationary place, the Viidians place them on large ships that constantly keep moving, that way it makes it nearly impossible for their people to rescue them." She handed him a PADD with a picture of a horrible looking Viidian male on it, at least, Neelix thought it was a male, it was hard to tell by the photo. "This is Sulan, Chief Surgeon of the Viidian Sodality; apparently this is his ship we're going after. He's known throughout this sector as one of the most ruthless doctors the Viidians have, obsessed with finding a cure for the Phage."

Neelix studied the picture for a moment. "Aren't they all obsessed?"

"Yes," Sarah responded, "but this one seems to be more…obsessed than most shall we say?" He continued to study the picture as if trying to ingrain every last skin graph and scar into memory. "The bartender says that Sulan may not look like that anymore, since they're constantly getting skin graphs, but it's the best thing we have so far."

The Talaxian shoved the photo into his oversized coat pocket. "It's better than nothing. Are we to make contact with _Voyager?"_

"We have a scheduled transmission at fourteen hundred hours," Sarah answered, rounding a corner which put them on a stretch of the space station that was not very busy. "It maybe the last one we have before we're caught."

"You make it sound as if being captured is on the schedule," Neelix remarked.

For the first time in days Neelix realized the young woman cocked one of her grins. "It's not?" she asked jokingly. When she saw the worried look on his face she reached out and patted his shoulder. "Don't worry Neelix, we have the homing beacon on the ship and the biochips, _Voyager _will know if we're in trouble. Captain Janeway isn't going to leave us to the wolves."

_What if the wolves get to them first, _Neelix thought as their space dock came into sight. The rest of the section was abandoned and quite, the travelers and traders all off at the many bars and establishments. Neelix was struck with a terrifying thought that if someone wanted to "take care" of them, then they could easily do it right at this moment. Sarah and he were alone in the corridor, making their way towards their space dock. They weren't heavily armed, just a hand phaser each, and neither of them would be hard to physically over power. He stole a sideways glance at Sarah. He knew of Starfleet's extensive physical training, but it was still hard to image this small woman being able to go toe to toe with the brutes that were roaming this station. No wonder Chakotay had been so damn protective of her in the bar, he realized. He knew little about the human's history but at one point women and men were not thought of as equals and the males thought it their job to protect the women. It would seem that there were some of those principles still ingrained in their species.

Sarah had keyed the access code to their port and the docking doors were hissing opening. Both waited until they jammed into place and stepped inside Neelix's tiny ship. The aft cabin was serving as a sleeping quarters. Two cots were immediately to their right, where Neelix and Chakotay had been sleeping; there was a partition set up between their beds and one for Sarah; Neelix had thought it would be the gentlemanly thing to do, to give her some privacy on the small vessel.

Neelix watched as the young woman pulled her hair out of the braid she had tied it back into earlier, tossing the hair clip onto the cot before disappearing into the cockpit. He heard the clip clang against something that didn't sound like the mattress of a cot. Curiously he peered around the partition to see an upside down PADD resting underneath the newly discarded hair clip. Thinking it was just some mission report that she was writing for when they returned to _Voyager_ Neelix picked it up and was surprised to find that it was Tom Paris' picture. In the photo he was leaning against the pool table at Sandrine's, a grin on his face. He wasn't focused on the camera, rather the picture had been taken when he hadn't been aware of it, but it caught the man's true personality, Neelix concluded.

Putting the PADD back onto her cot, he entered the cockpit with her. She was seated at a console, setting up communications for their time to contact _Voyager._ "You'll see him again," he said, breathlessly into the stale air.

Sarah looked up puzzled from her work. "I beg your pardon?"

"Lieutenant Paris, you'll see him again."

Her face paled a little. "What makes you think I'm worrying about seeing him again?"

He couldn't let her know that he had seen the photo, but he was certain he had seen her gazing at a PADD on several occasions the last few nights when she thought that neither him nor Chakotay were paying attention. "At night, when we aren't working to find the away team, you're a million light years away. I've seen that look on a young woman's face before and I know what it means. So, I'll say it again; you'll see him again."

She was fighting unshed tears, her sapphire eyes glittered in the light. There was no chance to respond. Chakotay entered the cabin and she quickly turned away, afraid of showing her commanding officer a moment of emotional weakness. "We're almost ready to transmit the message to _Voyager._ Any more information from our friend at the bar?"

"It seems that Doctor Sulan is known for his experiments throughout this part of space," Chakotay answered. "He sounds like a man who will do anything to find a cure for the Phage. I have to say, there is a part of me that sympathizes with the man."

"Any more word on that prison ship?" Neelix asked.

Chakotay shook his head. "None, except that once people disappear on that ship, they never return."

Sarah visibly shivered. What kind of horrors had the away team encountered? They had all seen what the Viidians had done with Neelix, taking his lungs as if his life were a mere after thought, which in the grand scheme of their plight, it was.

"You know," Neelix said, "It's almost time for lunch. And we can't go off looking for this ship with empty stomachs! I'll be right back!" He disappeared into the aft cabin, leaving the first officer and counselor alone.

Chakotay took a seat next to her. "Everything all right?" he asked, when he noticed that the silence between them was tense. "You've been pretty withdrawn when it comes to anything that doesn't pertain to this mission."

Sarah shrugged her shoulders. "I guess the whole nature of this mission has me stressed."

"Me too, doesn't mean I'm withdrawing from the group," he argued.

_Does he do this to Janeway, when she's putting up barriers? _Sarah thought. Something told her that Chakotay was more willing to push her than Captain Janeway, but she was sure that he was pushing Janeway to be more open with him, something had happened between the two before they had been called to the bridge when Harry picked up the distress signal. Their movements around each other had been strained; even the tones of their voices had been way more formal than anyone on the ship was accustomed too. "I really don't want to talk about this, sir," she snapped. "We have a mission to focus on and my personal feelings should be cast aside for the time being."

"I agree, about the mission, but not about the personal feelings," Chakotay pointed out. "Now, Captain Janeway may not know what's going on with you, but I do. Remember, I'm first officer; it's my business to know how the crew is holding up. I know about the…spat with Tom a week ago, I know the emotions that are battling within you right now. And if this mission is going to work, you're personal feelings are going to have to be pushed aside, or brought out in the open so you can deal with them, so, Lieutenant which is it going to be?"

A phaser blast from the aft compartment didn't give her the time to answer. Jumping to their feet Chakotay and Sarah pulled their own hand phasers and burst into the cabin. Two aliens, their faces hidden behind hoods were standing over Neelix's prone body, weapons drawn and were in position to attack them. Chakotay was immediately hit with a blast and cried out, crumbling to the floor like he was a rag doll. Sarah managed to miss the first blast that was fired at her, but wasn't so lucky on the second. It hit her in the shoulder, sent her spiraling backwards into a bulkhead and she landed semi-conscious on the floor next to an unconscious Neelix, who had obviously been taken by surprise while he had been cooking their lunch.

One of the attackers leaned over and she saw a scanning device run over her body. She recognized the device; it was the same one that _Voyager _had found when they first encountered the Viidians. "Human hybrid female, minor damage to her epidermis, but all other organs are in tact. I've never seen her other DNA before, perhaps it has some resistance to the Phage," he told his companion.

"We'll take her to the laboratory," the other said. "The others are not seriously damaged as well, they will make good workers."

The last thought before joining her colleagues in the chasm of unconsciousness she had was that they had been captured before schedule.

* * *

Tom Paris had just drifted off to sleep, much needed sleep, when he heard the doors to the holding cell open. Rolling over onto his back he opened his eyes slowly to try and make out the latest prisoners to be dragged in. It was dark so it was hard to make out their features through half closed eye-lids, but one was definitely Talaxian. But neither of the new prisoners looked happy, in fact they were both making demands all at once, their voices echoing off the steal walls, stirring the other prisoners. Tom saw B'Elanna sit up, leaning on her elbow. She looked extremely pale and he was certain that the Viidian's extracting her Klingon DNA had made her ill.

"Where is she?" one of the newcomers yelled. Tom sat up straight recognizing the voice. With a sudden realization he knew the new prisoners. It was Commander Chakotay and Neelix. But the "she" they were talking about, Tom couldn't be sure. For a moment he prayed that it wasn't Janeway. _Voyager _would be fine without it's chief helmsman, maybe even fine without its first officer, but not its captain. "You don't have the right to with hold this information from me! She's under my command; I have a right to know what's happened to her!"

The Viidian guard pushed Chakotay onto a bunk, Neelix was thrown onto one opposite him. "My orders were to keep her whereabouts a secret. I assure you Commander; Doctor Sulan is taking care of her."

B'Elanna gasped at the name and gathered her legs close to her. Tom had a sinking feeling that this Sulan was not _taking care _of the other officer from _Voyager, _at least not in the sense that he thought of caring. He saw Chakotay's eyes flash with a rage that he had only seen once on the Commander, and that had been a week ago when the alien beings had threatened to hurt the Janeway children. Apparently Chakotay had heard of this Sulan as well, it was apparent on his face, there was so much anger.

"I don't care who's taking care of her," Chakotay rasped out angrily. "I demand to at least speak to her."

"Lieutenant Barrett is in the care of one of our top physicians. She is ill, she needs to be quarantined from the rest of the prisoners," the guard replied.

Tom felt his heart race. _Oh god, Sarah, here on this hell of a ship. _He instantly felt anger, angry at Janeway for letting Sarah go on a mission obviously to recover the missing away team, and angry at Chakotay for not keeping her safe. It was the first officer's job after all to make sure that his away team was safe. He clenched his fists. What if Sulan did experiments on Sarah like they had done on B'Elanna? It made the hotshot pilot want to rip the Viidian's head off even more. " Ill!" Tom finally snapped, jumping up from his bed. "More like you've infected her with something for your own twisted pleasures!"

The guard whirled about and what was left of his eyes glared directly at Tom. "We are trying to prevent an outbreak."

"An outbreak of what!" Tom yelled, at whit's end. Every muscle in his body hurt from all the work the Viidians had put him through not too mention the transfers back and forth from asteroid belts and the prison ship was messing with his space legs.

"Doctor Sulan is attempting to find out what is ailing her," the guard replied.

"She wasn't ill until you captured us," Chakotay responded, more calmly than before. He got to his feet. "For all we know, you infected her."

"Once she is medically cleared, she will join you," the guard hissed, moving away ending the conversation. _Voyager's _officers were left alone for the first time since Neelix and Chakotay had been dragged into the holding cell.

"Good to see you alive, Lieutenant," Chakotay finally said after several seconds of silence. He gestured for Tom, Pete Durst, and B'Elanna to join him around his bunk. Tom and Pete joined him quickly, but he could see that B'Elanna was reluctant, in fact, he thought, thinking back to the recent brush with the Viidian guards, she had been rather quiet, which was odd for her. "B'Elanna?" he questioned, cautiously. She was hiding her face from him, something else she didn't do regularly. Tom and Pete exchanged glances before she finally unwound her legs and moved from the shadows to join the group.

Chakotay and Neelix audibly gasped when they saw her face. The First Officer of _Voyager _reached out with a gentle hand and felt her forehead. "What the hell happened?" he asked, harshly, and saw her eyes fill with tears. Another thing that he wasn't used to seeing B'Elanna Torres do is cry. He bit his lip now understanding why Tom had been on the defensive when it came to Sarah being missing. If the Viidians had done this to B'Elanna, he could only imagine what they were going to do to Sarah. "I'm sorry, B'Elanna, this is…this is a shock."

"Believe me, it was to me too," she replied, wiping at her eyes.

Deciding to let the issue slide, Chakotay looked at Tom. "What do you remember?"

"We were attacked by the Viidians just as we were about to head back to _Voyager,_" Tom replied. He lowered his eyes for a moment. "I had taken us out of communications range, because, well frankly I didn't want to be bothered by you or Captain Janeway. I'm sorry Commander. Maybe if we hadn't strayed so far, we wouldn't be here right now."

Chakotay shook his head. "There's no way of knowing if you had been in communications range if we would have gotten there in time to help you. What's important is that we now try to formulate a plan on how to get out of here and get back to _Voyager._"

"Our shuttle is still on board," Durst pointed out. "If we can get to that we might be able to escape."

"We'll need to disable their transporters and weapons first," Chakotay said.

"I've been watching the guard rotation," Tom said. "If we plan it right we should be able to take them."

"We're going to need weapons of our own," Neelix interjected. "Any idea where Lieutenant Barrett is being kept?"

"Probably their laboratory, or worse, organ processing," Tom answered with a shiver.

"Any ideas on how to get there?" Chakotay asked.

Tom shook his head. "The only time we leave this room is to go work for the Viidians. The rest of the time we're stuck in here. They take prisoners out periodically, but I've never seen any of them come back. We're hoping that the console that the guards are working at has a map of the ship."

Chakotay mulled over this new information for a moment. Chances were that Sarah was still alive and was trying to work on a plan of her own. She maybe on her own but she was resourceful, he just hoped that would keep her alive until they could find her. Janeway had to be on her way now that they had missed the communication with _Voyager_ three days ago. But they had to move fast and the sooner they put their plan into action the better. He leaned in closer to his crew, concerned that B'Elanna had not added anything to the conversation, "Alright, here's what we're going to do…"

* * *


	58. Chapter 58

* * *

She felt as if her lungs were on fire. Slowly Sarah Barrett came back into a conscious state, only to find herself strapped to a bed. There was a bright light above her eyes and when she turned her head she could see all sorts of medical instruments. Sulan's ship, they had been taken to his prison ship, she was sure of it. They had been tracking him for two days. They had known that their leaving _Voyager_ would spread like wildfire, but they hadn't been prepared for the Viidians to capture them so quickly. There was still so much information that they had to gather and pass onto Captain Janeway.

A spasm of coughs made her lungs ache more. The sound and movement of her body must have woken the other patient on the bed diagonal from hers because Sarah could see the woman straining her neck to see her.

"Lieutenant Barrett."

"Yes," Sarah replied, her voice weak. "Do I…do I know you?"

The woman laughed a deep one that came from her throat. "You might think you don't, but this is the first time I have truly known myself."

Sarah frowned. She really wasn't in the mood for games. Realizing that she could sit up slightly to get a better look at the other woman, she raised her head, and her hair which had been tied back into a ponytail now fell in her face. "Listen, I may be trained to decipher cryptic messages, but really I'm not in the mood for it stranger." She felt dizzy and laid back down. _What the hell have they done to me? I felt fine…well whenever they took us from the space station. _It occurred to her that she had no idea how long she had been unconscious or that she knew where Chakotay and Neelix were. Another spasms of coughs assaulted her and she groaned this time in discomfort.

"Human women, you were always weak," the other woman snapped.

"Wonderful, I'm trapped on a ship with aliens who want to dissect me and I get a roommate with the attitude of a Klingon," Sarah remarked.

Another hearty laugh from across the room; Sarah was finding nothing funny about this situation. "I always did enjoy you, Lieutenant. My weaker self couldn't see past the jealousy. A true Klingon woman would never be jealous of a human woman."

Sarah sat up again, this time trying hard to peer at her companion in the darkened room. Was her mind playing tricks on her? Was this some kind of Viidian experiment? However, the woman across the room looked, even from this distance, to be fully Klingon. "I didn't know there where any Klingon vessels in the Delta Quadrant. How did you get here?"

"Same way you did, Lieutenant."

"The Caretaker's array?"

The Klingon woman laughed again.

"I really wish you'd stop laughing at me," Sarah snapped, head pounding which forced her to lye back on the bed.

A wave of nausea washed over her and for a moment she thought she was going to throw whatever little food was left in her stomach up. What she wouldn't give for a bowl of her grandmother's chicken soup at that moment, however, what she really wanted was these damn restraints off. She twisted her wrists about and discovered that they weren't put on very well, as if enticing her to make a move. _Or just plain stupid. _She heard the other woman rattling her restraints as well but they sounded from here even to be quite secure; the Klingon was snarling. Apparently the Klingon was considered more dangerous than Sarah.

Closing her eyes she opened up to her senses and let the swirling emotions and presences of those aboard engulf her. They washed over her like waves in the ocean, each a unique experience. If she concentrated hard enough, long enough, she could even see their faces. _They away team captured by Viidians, Durst screaming, two B'Elannas— _with a gasp Sarah's eyes shot open and she sputtered a cough.

A Viidian male was standing over her. She recognized him from the photo she had gotten in the bar, Sulan. Sarah felt like someone had reached out and was holding onto her throat. "Hello, Lieutenant."

Sapphire eyes held his…she wasn't sure what color his were truthfully. One was white, the other black. "Doctor Sulan."

The cool regard she held him did not go unnoticed. "You've heard of me then?"

"I have," she growled, throwing her training in diplomacy to the wind. "I've heard all about you and your experiments. Is that what you're doing to me now? Experimenting on me to see if I can fight the Phage?"

Sulan tilted his head. "While I admit your genome is new to me, I haven't performed any kind of experiment on you. We have taken you into isolation from the other prisoners because you are ill."

"I wasn't ill until I was taken captive!" Sarah managed to shout, pulling her body up against the restraints. She felt dizzy suddenly and fell backwards against the bed, coughing uncontrollably.

"I assure you, you haven't been infected with anything," Sulan said, "at least not by me."

Sarah felt little reassurance. She was trapped on a Viidian ship that was known for performing medical experiments on their prisoners. She wished that she could reach out and touch the away team's presences again, it would bring her comfort, but she knew that the horrible vision of Durst and the two B'Elanna's would surface again. Staring up at the ceiling she began to curse herself for agreeing with Janeway that this was the best way to find the missing away team. Of course she had been thinking with her heart, she wanted to find Tom. "So, what then, you're going to let me suffer through this only to be infected with something later? The Phage, perhaps, to see if my DNA can fight it?"

Sulan looked up over at the Klingon. "I have already found a cure for the Phage."

This peaked Sarah's interest considerably. "Really?"

"Don't let him fool you," the Klingon growled. "He only thinks he has found a cure."

"You seem to be pretty resistant, B'Elanna," Sulan said.

_B'Elanna? _Sarah sat up again, this time her eyes focusing on the Klingon woman and then it struck her, she looked just like B'Elanna Torres, or Sarah concluded, how B'Elanna would have looked if she was fully Klingon. "What…how is…how is this possible? What have you done to her?"

"I have only given her what she wants," Sulan answered, moving towards the other bed, looking at the fully Klingon B'Elanna with…loving eyes.

It made Sarah sick to her stomach or perhaps that was the illness she was battling, either way, she closed her eyes for a moment. She could hear the two talking but she pushed their voices out of her mind. She had to think, had to come up with a plan of getting out of here. Her restraints weren't that tight, if she could just slip her wrists through them, she could get to her phaser, she could see that it was still in her utility belt on a nearby table. Wiggling her hands about, she got the right one out with ease. Opening her eyes she looked to see what was holding the other hand up and felt a stab of pain. It was the bracelet her father had given her, right before she went off on the _Explorer;_it was the last gift he had ever given her.

Tears stung her eyes as she made her decision. Living was more important than a silly old bracelet anyways, she told herself as she undid the clasp and slid her left hand out. Freed from the restraints she reached across the bed and grabbed her phaser off the table. The fast movement caught Sulan off guard and he spun about as she fired at him, falling to the floor, stunned.

Yanking the restraints off her feet Sarah jumped down from the bed, grabbed Sulan's weapon from his holster and went to undo the Klingon B'Elanna's restraints. She was going to need the woman to help her find the others. Fighting off a bout of coughing she handed B'Elanna the weapon.

She was grinning. "We will get off this ship, or die in battle together."

"I don't plan on dying in battle," Sarah snapped leading the way out of the room.

"What is your plan then, Lieutenant?" B'Elanna asked her in a hostile tone.

"We find the others, get the shuttle, and get the hell out of here," Sarah said, peeking around a corner.

"We don't have time to get the others! We must take the shuttle and leave! And who put you in charge anyways!"

Sarah spun about on her heel. "Let me remind you that I just helped you escape! Without me, you'd still be on that bed. Now, in case you have forgotten, I outrank you, so that leaves me in charge, and if you have any sense of honor, you'll follow my orders, is that clear?"

A sneer formed on her companion's face, "Very clear, _ma'am._"

* * *

A loud alarm roused Chakotay and the others from a light slumber. Rolling over onto his stomach the first officer watched curiously as the two guards stationed at the console in the holding cell seemed to panic, slightly. Even as he realized this the room shook. The ship was under fire and from across the room Tom's head snapped up, his grey-blue eyes meeting Chakotay's dark pools of brown. There was a brief nod between the two men and in one step they both were up off their bunks and charging towards the two startled guards.

Chakotay hit the first one square in the chest and being stronger and bigger overpowered the guard easily. He wrestled the weapon free from the Viidian's grasp and turned to find Tom deliver a swift left hook into the other guard's face with a hate filled snarl on his young features. Chakotay frowned, recalling his earlier days in Starfleet when he had been filled with a similar rage. The snarl turned to a look of grim satisfaction as Tom yanked the weapon from his victim's hands. For a moment Chakotay was certain that Tom was going to turn the weapon onto the Viidan and kill him, but instead he grabbed some rope nearby and bound both the alien's up. The first officer felt a wave of relief wash over him that Tom had not been engulfed by the same rage that he had felt not too long ago.

"It's _Voyager,_" B'Elanna Torres said, softly, bringing Chakotay to face her. She had gone to the console to discover that the Viidian ship was under attack bytheir ship "Chakotay, _Voyager _maybe a tough little ship, but she's no match for this Viidian cruiser. We have to do something!"

"We have weapon's commander," Neelix pointed out, his finger wavering at a storage locker. "We can try to find their engineering to take out their shields so _Voyager _can beam us back to the ship."

Chakotay glanced at the storage locker. He wasn't sure how Janeway had found them so quickly, an image of her entering that bar, death glare flashing to get the answers she wanted, flashed across his mind. He wished that she had given him some time to get back to _Voyager _on his own. But if there had been one thing that he had learned about Kathryn Janeway was that she was incredibly stubborn and impatient, especially when the safety of her crew was in question. This fierce loyalty was something that endeared her to him; his captain flying into battle, against all odds, to make sure her people were rescued. He started suddenly, _his captain. _When had he started to think of her as _his _captain and not _the _captain?

"Commander?" Durst asked, breaking the silence. "What do you want to do sir?"

There wasn't much time; _Voyager _would only be able to fend off the Viidian cruiser for a short time before risking destruction. And he was sure that it wouldn't take long for the other Viidians on the ship to realize that something was aloof in the holding cell. Chakotay had to make a decision and fast. "We have to find Lieutenant Barrett; Tom, Pete you're with me. B'Elanna, go with Neelix to see if you can find a way to lower their shields. I'm sure Captain Janeway is trying to knock them out to beam us back," he said over his shoulder as Tom and Pete followed him out of the holding cell.

The corridor was dim, alarm light's flashing, but it was empty. While at the console Tom had caught a brief glimpse of the lay out of the ship. "The lab's not too far from here. We're gonna have to climb up through a shaft to get there, but it shouldn't take more than five minutes."

Chakotay nodded his head and Tom led the way. The officers weaved their way through the dim corridors, the Viidians they did encounter they stunned immediately. The climb up the shaft was tight, especially with three full grown men. _Maybe I should have sent B'Elanna, _Chakotay thought, thinking that her smaller form would have fit in the tunnel much better than his broad form. However, what was done was done, and B'Elanna was better off trying to get the shields down than he. So, he ignored the aches that the tiny space they were climbing through was causing his body and focused on why they were doing it.

He knew Janeway would never forgive herself if they all didn't come back from this mission alive, especially after she had made it obvious to them, in her ready room, how dangerous going after Paris and the others was going to. Chakotay had taken that to heart when they set out, nearly breaking a man's neck when he had simply reached out and suggestively brushed a finger down Sarah's cheekbone. After that everyone kept their distance from the Commander, who was hovering around the pretty young lieutenant ready to strike if anyone did dare step over the line again. Even Neelix had kept a…respectful distance.

Chakotay wondered now though, was he protecting Sarah for Janeway…or for Tom? He hadn't been sure of the young pilot's sincerity when it came to his feelings for Sarah, even less so since the rumors were floating about the ship about her and Tom's little spat in her quarters. But an hour ago, when the Viidian guard refused to tell Chakotay were she was being kept, the feral look in his eyes, the first officer began to wonder, was it possible for Tom Paris to love?

It was an absurd question, no doubt. Tom Paris may have made mistakes in his life but Chakotay wanted to think that deep down the man was capable of love. _A woman can change a lot about a man, Chakotay, look at you, _his thoughts called out to him. He stopped his climb for a brief moment, not wanting to concern Pete behind him. It was true, Kathryn Janeway had changed him, she had given him a purpose in life, he'd found peace finally at her side, helping her get _Voyager _home. But did that mean…he loved her?

"We're almost there Commander," Tom whispered, pulling his body out of the shaft and onto a deck. "The lab should be just around the corner."

Chakotay shook his thoughts off him like snow on a coat and pulled himself out of the shaft, thankful to be leaving that tiny crawl space behind for the time being. The ship shook as he stumbled up onto the deck and he braced himself against a wall until it stopped. There was very little time to waste. He quickly followed behind Paris, weaving around a corner to enter a large room with vials and jars of organs and body parts and two bound up Viidians on the floor.

But no Sarah; for all he knew she hadn't even been there. Despondently he grabbed one of the Viidians off the floor and was looking directly in the face of Doctor Sulan. But the alien was unconscious probably because he had been stunned before whoever had escaped from here tied him up. "Where's my lieutenant," he growled, to no one in particular, "I was told she was in your care."

"Commander," Tom's voice sounded weak and it shook Chakotay to the core. He dropped the unconscious Viidian to the floor and went to stand next to Tom. In the young pilot's hand something silver glittered in the lights. "It's Sarah's bracelet."

"Can you be certain?" Chakotay asked, voice choking.

"Yes," Tom whispered. "She wears it everyday; it was a gift from her father."

Of course Chakotay had not noticed the bracelet before, he had probably never studied every last inch of the young woman like Paris had and even though he was friendly with her, he knew that Harry Kim and Tom were her best friends on _Voyager. _It was safe to assume that she had showed them the bracelet. And it was also safe to assume that Tom, in the glances that he didn't think Chakotay saw him taking at Sarah when they were on the bridge, got to know every fine detail of the piece of jewelry. This led him to one conclusion that Sarah had been in the room at some point since their capture. Where she was now was anyone's guess.

Tom was running his fingers over the delicate bracelet. Sarah had told him about the bracelet when he had asked why she wore it when it was against regulations to wear any jewelry with the uniform. She had said it was the last thing her father had given her and she never took it off.

Sulan was stirring. Chakotay turned about to see the twisted doctor's eyes opening. Tom saw it too, his fist closed over the bracelet. Before Chakotay knew what was happening the young pilot was sprinting forward, grabbing Sulan by the scruff of his collar and screaming, "Murderer! What did she ever do to you?"

"Tom!" Chakotay cried, grasping tightly to his uniform tunic. "There's little we can do now."

"Tom!" Pete yelled grabbing his other side, "the commander's right, we have to go, we have to help _Voyager._"

Reluctantly Tom let go of the Viidian doctor and allowed himself to be pulled out of the room, still clasping tightly to Sarah's bracelet. He had been trained at the Academy to ignore loss, death of comrade when the time was at hand to do his duty, but right now, faced with moving on to help the others after learning that the Viidians had probably butchered Sarah so they could live, no amount of training could snuff out the pain. She had been coming to find him and the others, she had been putting her life on the line for him and now she had paid the price. Hot, burning tears stung his eyes as they crawled back through the tiny shaft and down to the deck where hopefully B'Elanna was getting the shields lowered.

"This way," Chakotay said holding onto the tricorder he had found in the lab, among other personal affects of Sarah's. "B'Elanna and Neelix are in a room down the end of this corridor."

The three officers trudged along; _Voyager _had increased her weapon's fire. Janeway was hoping to knock their shields out on her own. Consoles were starting to explode and Chakotay knew that the woman was getting close but didn't know how _Voyager_ was holding up. If the state of the prison ship was any indication than _Voyager _wasn't fairing so well either.

A loud explosion knocked him to his feet, he heard Pete screaming behind him. Turning about he saw the man catch on fire from the exploding console. Tom quickly threw him to the ground and tried to get the fire out as quickly as possible but by the time he managed it Pete's face was badly burned and Chakotay could see that his uniform was charred all over. He was crying in agony, begging Tom to take the phaser in his hand and end his life.

"You're going to be okay Pete," Tom said, trying to get the man to his feet. "We're going to get you back to _Voyager._"

The movement of just getting to his feet and supported by Tom was enough to make the man scream. A scream that tore down through Chakotay's spine and made him shiver, _Sarah talked about a vision of Pete screaming, it was one of the last things we discussed before going on that space station. _

"There!" a gruff voice yelled.

Tom and Chakotay spun about to see two guards, weapon's pointed at them. As they lined up their shot, Tom closed his eyes for a moment. He heard the firing and braced himself for the pain and the death to follow. But nothing happened. He opened his eyes to see the guards fall to the ground, looks of shock on their faces. Someone was standing in the shadows, phaser pointed, and whoever it was, was coughing up a storm.

"Are you alright Commander?" a woman asked, turning her face into the light.

"Sarah!" Tom gasped, desperately wanting to drop Pete and gather her into his arms. "We thought they had killed you!"

"I got out," she replied moving closer to them.

"How?" Chakotay asked.

"I had some help," she said, gesturing over her shoulder. Chakotay was mortified to see a Klingon woman, one who resembled B'Elanna a little too much, step out of the dark behind Sarah. "Commander Chakotay, Lieutenant Paris, Mister Durst, may I introduce, B'Elanna Torres—the fully Klingon B'Elanna Torres."

Chakotay shook his head to clear it. There would be time to sort this all out later. "I'm glad to see you alive, Lieutenant, but we'll have to put the reunions off for a while. Right now we've got other matters to attend too."

"Where's Neelix?" Sarah asked as they started to move along the corridor again, dodging exploding conduits as they went.

"Hopefully with…the human B'Elanna getting the shields down so _Voyager_ can beam us out of here," Chakotay answered, eyeing the Klingon for a moment. Durst was crying in pain behind them. Chakotay winced at the sound. "It seems your…visions were accurate."

Sarah cringed at the sound as well. "What happened?"

"A console exploded near him," Chakotay answered, forlornly as the group entered the room where supposedly B'Elanna and Neelix were working. When they came in Neelix looked up immediately, but the human B'Elanna was tangled in some wires underneath a panel. The Talaxian looked at loss for words when he saw the Klingon B'Elanna, but not nearly as shocked when he had first seen her as fully human. Somehow they had all known there was another half of her roaming around. "Report?"

B'Elanna untangled herself from the wires. "We're just about ready…" she stopped when she saw her Klingon self standing there. For a moment the others thought she was going to faint, but she steeled herself. "We're just about ready to take the shields off line."

"Good," Chakotay said. "Let's do it before we get detected again."

"Aye sir," B'Elanna said, moving back towards the panel, her Klingon counterpart watching her.

Chakotay slid in next to her. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine," she replied.

"B'Elanna, you've been split into two people, how can you say that?" Chakotay countered.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Because Chakotay, I've never been happy with that part of my life, you know that. I'm finally at peace with myself. If…if the Doctor can't put us back together, than I'd be okay with that."

Chakotay wasn't sure if he would be. He wished he could make her see that she was the person she was because she was part human and part Klingon. Their friendship just wouldn't be the same if she were to remain…two people. And what about Janeway? How would she react to this? _God, Kathryn has enough on her plate right now. She doesn't need this, _Chakotay thought, despondently. "I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." He glanced up to see Sarah and Tom trying to treat Pete's burns and Neelix keeping a watchful eye on their Klingon friend. "But did you ever consider what she would want?"

B'Elanna's eyes snapped up to stare at him, but it wasn't a glare that he was used to her from her. _Spirits, I miss her already. _"We're ready to take the shields off line," she whispered to him, ignoring his question.

Chakotay pulled out the combadge that he found among Sarah's belongings and pressed it between his fingers. "Chakotay to _Voyager, _we're about to take the shields off line, beam us up!"

"Commander," Neelix called," The Viidians are trying to get in."

"Now B'Elanna," Chakotay said.

As she pressed the buttons to lower the shields to the prison ship the Viidians burst through the door, weapon's pointed, firing. But their beams shot through thin air, as _Voyager's_ transporter beam swept them up and carried them away to the safe arms of their colleagues.

* * *


	59. Chapter 59

* * *

"Got'em!" Harry Kim yelled.

"Mister Baytart, get us out of here, maximum warp!" Kathryn Janeway shouted, gripping the edge of her seat. Only when she felt the ship lurch did she relax slightly. Letting out a strained breath she turned towards Kim. "You have all of them?" She was sure that he did but she needed to hear it.

Kim nodded his head. "Yes ma'am, five humans, one Talaxian, and one Klingon."

Janeway wasn't sure but that didn't sound right. She stood up eyes locking with Tuvok for a moment, apparently he had come to the same conclusion as she had. "One Klingon?"

"Yes ma'am," the young ensign replied. "I beamed them all to sickbay."

The comline gave a chirp then, as if on some cue. "_Doctor to the bridge, Captain, your presence is needed in sickbay._" Janeway groaned slightly as she tapped her own badge and told the hologram she was on her way. Stepping into the turbolift she began to pondered why the numbers Harry had beamed up did not add to the numbers she was missing. There were only supposed to be four humans, one Talaxian, and one human/Klingon hybrid. Was there some kind of transporter accident? No, it would have affected everyone, Janeway reasoned as the doors to the turbolift swished opened.

She proceeded down the corridor, nodding at crewmen that passed until she came to sickbay. Janeway paused outside before entering, mentally preparing herself for what she was about to see. The Doctor wouldn't have called her if he didn't think it urgent. They were away from the Viidians for now, her presence wasn't needed on the bridge and if it was, she was only a call away. With a final deep breath to steel herself, Janeway walked through the doors.

Chakotay and Tom Paris were helping a withering in agony Pete Durst up onto a biobed, Sarah Barrett looked absolutely horrendous with pale skin and coughing a deep, throaty cough that sounded like it was coming from her lungs. Neelix was busy praising the Doctor for his biochips, because he had been informed that if it weren't for the chips, _Voyager _probably would not have tracked them, which was true. But Janeway found her eyes were drawn to the two women standing in the middle of it all, one human, one Klingon, but both looking like B'Elanna Torres.

No one seemed to notice her, at least not right away.

"You have the flu," the Doctor was proclaiming, as he glared down at Sarah as she lay on a biobed.

"That's it?" Sarah questioned, sitting up. "I wasn't infected with anything on that ship?" She had thought for sure they had infected her with something for their own pleasure. Rubbing her throbbing head for a moment she realized it was possible to have gotten sick on her own accord. Michael Janeway had been sick all week. "I guess that's a relief. The flu I can get over, a disease injected into me by the Viidians, not so much." She swung her legs over the side of the biobed and gave the Doctor a small smile. "I heard these biochips came in handy."

The hologram looked proud of himself. "They did indeed. If it hadn't been for those chips, we never would have found the ship you were on. Apparently there are quite a few of these prison ships throughout the sector. Thankfully a friendly bartender gave Captain Janeway a star chart of the region and their movements. I don't think we'll be seeing them for a while."

Her eyes looked up and she was startled to see Janeway standing there. "Captain!"

Janeway could see that the young woman was trying to get up to come to attention. She held her hands up. "It's alright, Sarah, stay there so the Doctor can finish treating you."

"I've given her all I can," the Doctor replied. "The rest is up to her. She's going to have to be off duty for a couple of days."

The Captain smiled softly. "I think the whole away team has earned a few days rest. Nice work, by the way," she told them, looking at Sarah, to Neelix, and then finally to Chakotay. A surge of emotions hit her head on then, seeing her first officer for the first time in days. She had pushed them aside while _Voyager _had followed the away team's trail, determined to rescue her officers, but now, with the realization that she could have lost all of them and most importantly a man that was fast becoming her emotional support, jostled her. Painfully aware that her emotions were probably visible she slid her command mask into place and thought she saw a look of disappointment flash through Chakotay's dark eyes.

Sarah lowered her head for a moment. The past few days had been tiring and it was no wonder that the flu had started to ravage her body. Looking up she watched as Kes worked on healing Pete's burns, the two B'Elanna's as they waited to under go scans; things could have been worse, much worse she realized. "We got lucky," she said finally.

"Well I don't know about luck, but we were fortunate not to lose anyone," the Doctor pointed out.

A pain stabbed at Sarah's heart. _But I lost something, _she mused, thinking back to the bracelet she had left behind so she could get out of the restraints. "Am I clear to go, Doc?"

"As long as you promise to rest for the next few days," the Doctor replied, scowling at her.

"Promise," she grumbled, with a little roll of her eyes for good measure.

"Maybe Mister Paris can rig your doors so you don't get out, I'm sure he picked up a few things in prison," the hologram replied, moving on to the next patient.

Sarah coughed again, her chest still burning but not as bad before thanks to the medication the Doctor had given her. As it passed she realized that Tom wasn't going to have to rig her doors to keep her inside, she would gladly stay in her quarters if it meant getting rid of this awful flu. Tom on the other hand had other ideas of course.

"I'll get right on that Doc," he said with a grin.

Janeway cast him a look. "How about just making sure Lieutenant Barrett gets back to her quarters?"

Chakotay chuckled at the disappointed look in Tom's eyes as he nodded his head. "Aye, Captain," the pilot said.

"Are they all medically cleared, Doctor?" Janeway asked her eyes trained on the Klingon and human forms of B'Elanna Torres.

"With the exception of Mister Durst's burns and Lieutenant Barrett's flu, they are in good condition, considering where they have been the last few days," the hologram replied, looking quite pleased with himself.

"Even…Lieutenant Torres?" Janeway stuttered, not wanting to sound harsh, but she distinctly heard the Klingon B'Elanna snort angrily.

"I'm as puzzled as to how the Viidians did it, Captain," he said. "I'm going to request that they stay in sickbay so I can run some scans. Until then, I'm not sure I can explain what has happened. It seems that a very complicated medical procedure took place. We have to be open to the possibility Captain that this condition is not reversible."

Janeway's face paled considerably and it blanched even more when she realized that neither B'Elanna looked sad about that prospect. Chakotay, however, was wearing a pained expression. Janeway felt sorry for him. B'Elanna was one of his best friends, in a way, if they couldn't be put back…together, he would have lost a friend. It would have been like B'Elanna had died and come back as two different people. Shaking her head for a moment to clear her thoughts, she glanced at her first officer and made eye contact. "I trust that you won't leave any stone unturned Doctor. In the meantime, Commander Chakotay and I are going to have some crew roster adjustments to make that is, if…both of them are fit for duty after you're done your tests?"

"I don't see why not," the Doctor said with a shrug.

The question remained though, which one was her Chief Engineer? Janeway nervously looked at Chakotay but he looked as lost as she felt. "Well," she said, finally, looking about the room at all her officers. "We've wasted enough of your time Doctor." _And I have a sick child to attend too, still. _"Keep me updated, will you?"

"Yes ma'am."

With a final nod of her head Janeway left the room. Chakotay contemplated following her, since she was obviously rattled by what had been plopped into her lap, but B'Elanna, the fully Klingon one was speaking to him. "I can make this easy for Chakotay," she spat his name so casually, like she had known him for years, well he reasoned she _had _known him for years, she just wasn't the B'Elanna he had known. "Don't assign me to engineering, I can already tell that Janeway is disturbed by that idea."

"Don't be ridiculous, Captain Janeway would give you a far shot," the human B'Elanna argued.

"She isn't going to put a Klingon in her engine room."

"She put me in there!"

"Ha! She only put you in there because Chakotay put in a good word for you!"

Tears began to creep into the corners of the human B'Elanna's eyes. "You're impossible!"

"Children," the Doctor finally chided, "if you would mind lying down on the biobeds so I can begin my scans."

Chakotay watched as the two women climbed up onto the biobeds and were silent, for the time being. He shook his head to clear the mental cobwebs. "Let me know your results Doctor as soon as you get them," the First Officer told the hologram, and then he gestured for Tom and Sarah to leave with him. The officers proceeded to leave sickbay and stepped out onto the corridor of deck five. He wasn't surprised when Sarah announced she had something to do before she returned to her quarters.

Tom looked annoyed. "You just promised the doctor you would rest."

"I know," she replied, biting her lower lip. "But there's something I have to do before that."

"What could be more important than getting better?" Tom snapped.

"I have to check up on a…client," she said carefully.

"What?"

"I can't tell you anymore than that," Sarah argued, coughing.

Chakotay could see that Tom was about to argue some more and after listening to the two B'Elanna's go at it in sickbay, he wasn't in the mood. He held his hand up to silence the young pilot. "You promise this is all you're going to do before resting?" he asked the young woman.

"Yes, sir."

"Fine, just make sure I don't find out if you don't follow the Doctor's orders," he said, taking off for the turbo lift, gesturing for Tom to follow him.

Sarah watched them go before heading off in the other direction. It took her longer than she was hoping to find her "client" but after an hour of roaming the ship and not wanting to bother using the computer, Sarah stumbled into Stellar Cartography. The Delaney sisters were working on the new star charts that Captain Janeway had received from the bartender and were surprised to see her. Both offered her a greeting but Sarah dismissed them, asking politely if she could speak to Ensign Wildman on her own.

Samantha Wildman eyed her nervously from across the room as Meghan and Jenny left. She waited until the counselor had approached her before greeting her. "It's good to see you Lieutenant. Your mission was a success I take it?"

"Yes," Sarah replied, pulling up a chair. "It was. I came to see how you were doing?"

"I'm fine," Samantha replied. "The Doctor says my nausea and exhaustion should go away as my body adjusts more to pregnancy."

"I didn't mean your physical state," Sarah pointed out. "Have you told Captain Janeway yet?"

Samantha adverted her eyes. "Not yet," she answered. "The timing is wrong. We were working towards rescuing all of you."

"The timing is always going to be wrong out here, Sam," Sarah told her. She coughed again and felt her body start to scream protests that she was not resting. "When I get over this flu, I'll set up an appointment with her. Samantha, she has to be told. I know the thought is terrifying, but we've already worked Ava and Michael into our daily lives, we can work your baby into the fold as well. You just have to trust that everything will be alright." She patted the ensign's knee before leaving the room to head back to her quarters and back to her warm bed.

* * *

Ava was screaming, a bone chilling, ear piercing, scream. Kathryn had fallen asleep on the sofa reading some reports after putting Michael to bed and had woken up to the baby, standing in the middle of the living room, screaming. Why she was screaming, well Kathryn couldn't figure that out. She had been fed, changed, and bathed, there didn't seem to be any problems, other than the fact that it was probably close to bedtime. Or, she was upset that Kathryn had taken her attention of her. "Alright, I'm up," she told the baby, whose screaming stopped the moment Kathryn stood up.

Kathryn frowned down at her daughter. "There are other ways to get me up you know," she chided. Ava just cooed, flashing her innocent smile. "But," the Captain said, "now that I am up, it's time for bed." She scoped Ava up into her arms and went into the nursery.

Ava whimpered and when Kathryn went to put her in the crib she clung tightly to her mother's neck, crying, "No crib!"

"Ava, it's time for bed," Kathryn said sternly, trying again to put the child into the crib.

"No crib!" Ava shrieked, kicking her legs wildly as her mother fought with her to place her in the crib. She gave one final, extremely loud protest as Kathryn won out which eventually just turned into sobbing. Large tears rolled down her cheeks as she stood up, grasping tightly to the sides of the crib, crying for Kathryn, who turned her back, lowered the lights and left the room. This fueled Ava on more.

Kathryn paused in the bedroom, burying her face in her hands for a moment. It wouldn't be the first time that Ava had protested going to bed, it probably wouldn't be the last either, but tonight she found that the last few days had taken a vast toll on her emotionally. She wanted to scream right along with her daughter and had to bite her lower lip to prevent herself from doing so. She prayed that Ava would just tire herself out.

"Mama," Michael whined, appearing in the bedroom. "Make her stop." When his mother didn't respond, he decided to take matters into his own hands, stamping his feet and screaming at the top of his lungs, "Ava, shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!" The last yell resulted in an upheaval of whatever he had managed to eat for dinner. Kathryn opened her eyes just in time to see her son throw up all over her uniform front.

"I'm sorry!" he gulped a sob.

"Go into the bathroom so I clean up your face," Kathryn said, her nerves fraying more. She followed her son into the bathroom, Ava still screaming to be let out of the crib. Kneeling down with a face cloth in hand she wiped the vomit from the corners of his mouth and gently told him to go lay down, she would take care of Ava and get her to stop crying. When he had left Kathryn tore off her uniform and changed into her nightgown and robe.

Trying desperately to fight her tears she went back into the nursery. "Ava enough!" she shouted, hysterically. The baby was shocked and fell back onto her bottom, lower lip still quavering. Kathryn went to stand at the crib and looked inside. "Now, go to sleep!" Her forceful voice just caused the baby to cry even more.

Over the babies cries she could hear Michael calling for her, "Mama make her stop!"

"No crib!" Ava sobbed, reaching her arms out to Kathryn.

_I can't do this! I can't! _Kathryn thought furiously, covering her ears. She went out into the living room, wanting to run from her quarters to anywhere else on the ship at that moment when the door chime rang. _Oh god, not now, I can't deal with a ship crisis now! _"Come!"

"Need a hand?" Chakotay's voice asked her as he slid into the room.

"Oh god, did they wake you?" Kathryn gasped, lowering her hands. "I'm sorry!"

Chakotay shook his head. "No, I was on my way back from sickbay; the Doctor finished his tests on B'Elanna. I thought I'd stop in and see if you could use some help…before they wake the entire ship up," he grinned at her, but her lip wavered, tears split down her cheeks and he realized she had reached a breaking point. The smile faded from his face as she clutched at her sides. "Kathryn, are you alright?"

"I can't do this," she cried, "I can't do it anymore Chakotay."

"Yes you can," he said, firmly. He reached out and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. _Let me help you Kathryn, please. _"We'll get through this," he told her, gently, hoping that she picked up on the subtle hint that he was there for her.

Kathryn pulled away from him and wiped at her eyes. She set her jaw and he saw the woman that had stared down the Kazon standing in the place of the broken one a moment before. "Which one do you want? The screaming toddler or the vomiting kindergartener?"

Chakotay felt his heart leap that she taking his offer to help. He smiled. "I'll take my chances with Ava. Besides, something tells me that Michael would rather have his mother taking care of him at the moment."

She returned the smile and headed off towards Michael's bedroom as Chakotay did the same for the nursery. Snuggling up into bed with Michael she listened to Chakotay trying to negotiate with Ava in the other room. A smile graced her features as she pictured Ava looking at him with her eyes and him melting in return. But whatever he did, calmed her down, and Michael was soon snoring at his mother's side.

Kathryn stroked his hair while he drifted off to sleep, praying that the flu he had been battling for the last few days would be ending soon. He'd already ruined a fair share of his own clothes, not too mention several of her uniforms. As she laid there she realized that this was her first moment of peace in hours, perhaps even days, and all she had to do for it to come about was to finally admit that she couldn't do everything alone. It was probably a good thing that Chakotay was just as stubborn as she was or she was sure she would still have been standing in the middle of the living room, ears covered, while her children screamed bloody murder. She laughed softly, Chakotay was right, any longer and they would have woken up the entire ship. But now that things were under control, it was time to let her first officer go enjoy his off time.

Planting a gentle kiss on Michael's forehead Kathryn slid out of the bed and went into the nursery. Chakotay was settling Ava down into her crib and she was fast asleep. When he was done he turned to find her standing there, watching him with soft admiration in her eyes. It was a look that made his heart beat a little faster. He smiled at her to hide his sudden rush of emotions. "She just wanted to make sure there were no monsters under the crib."

"I should have known," Kathryn drawled. "She's been afraid of monsters since…well…the incident with the _Excalibur._"

The baby's fears were justified, Chakotay realized with a shiver. He still had nightmares about his time on the old ship and the aliens hunting him, Barrett, and Paris. There was an awkward silence that passed between the two, as each remembered the horrible few hours they had been fighting for their lives. Chakotay decided that it was probably time to leave. He moved out of the nursery and past Kathryn to head for the door. "If she wakes up and you can't settle her, don't be afraid to call me, Kathryn."

She nodded her head, watching him leave. "Chakotay," she called, just as he was about to step out into the corridor. "Thank you, for being here tonight; I don't think I could have done it alone."

He smiled, knowing that it was hard for her to admit she needed help. He nodded his head, and with one final smile, stepped out into the corridor, "I'll always be there Kathryn; all you have to do is call."

* * *


	60. Chapter 60: Exodus

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: Alright another update for today. I hope this format of posting all the "episodes" into one story is easier to follow. Only three more updates to this after this one. We're getting closer to new material! Thank to all you have been patiently waiting through all this terrible writer's block.

* * *

_**EXODUS**_

Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship _Voyager _tugged restlessly at the collar of her uniform. She had been waiting what felt like hours in the tiny square of the village for her traveling companion but in reality, it had only been five minutes since Commander Chakotay had missed the meet up time. Sweating, Kathryn decided to take some refuge underneath a tree that bore a striking resemblance to a weeping willow, but smelled like apples. The sun was incredibly unbearable and she had been told that this was cool for this particular planet. Neelix had warned the away team that they should dress lightly, that the Kreyole settlement was on one of the hottest planets in the region. Kathryn hadn't listened and they had spent the last three days on the colony in full uniform. Now, the Captain was wishing that she had listened for she would have shed a few layers before coming to this dreadfully hot place.

Sitting down on the bench she watched the activity around her. It wasn't a village to boast about that was for sure. The buildings were small, rundown, and families as large as twenty were forced to share a two room abode. The water wasn't clean, thanks to the minerals in the rocks, and there was very little wildlife for food. When she had first seen the settlement she had been taken aback. It was true that she had spent two weeks with a group of Kreyole refugees, on the run from Dellon Casius, but she hadn't thought this was how they lived. Being a refugee was one thing, but living like one all the time was an entirely different matter. Kathryn didn't want to get involved from the beginning, but she supposed that Casius had forced her hand, impounding her shuttle and trying to arrest her and her away team while they had been on New Gerroa. She couldn't let these people keep bullying the Kreyole because they believed they were superior to all others, and she couldn't stand by and watch as thousands of Kreyole starved to death because the Gerroan had shipped them off to settlements on planets that were barely habitable.

Tuvok had warned her of violating the Prime Directive. She had told him that sometimes it had to bend. They were offering humanitarian aid, surely that fit into Starfleet's strict code. Chakotay had looked surprised when she had told the senior staff that she wanted to give the colonists food rations and water along with a few replicators and the necessary components to make more.

No one had objected and giving the Kreyole the power to make their own food was not in anyway going to interfere with the balance of power in this region of space. The Kreyole were by nature a peaceful people that had been forced to become violent in order to survive. Kathryn knew that they had a long way to go before they were out of Gerroan territory, the Empire occupied a vast region of space, space that had been conquered as they went trying to purge the Kreyole. There were ways around it, but eventually Kathryn knew that _Voyager _could very well be flying right through the heart of Gerroan space and it scared her to think of what would happen if they didn't make some allies along the way. The Gerroan had already proven that their ships were much stronger than _Voyager _and they were severely outnumbered.

With a heavy sigh, Kathryn undid the collar on her uniform a bit, trying to let some air in. Truth was, there was very little air on this planet and the air that was there was hot and oppressive.

"Tuvok's team is back on _Voyager_, they arrived about thirty minutes ago," Chakotay's voice cut through the dense air. "I'm still having trouble getting a hold of Paris and Barrett."

"They were going with Walen to his settlement. They took their shuttle, I'm told the settlement is several kilometers away. Kes, and…Ensign Torres, went with them. The minerals in the rocks might be interfering with our communications. We'll have to have Harry look at that when we return to _Voyager._" Kathryn replied, getting to her feet, still tugging at her collar. She noticed that Chakotay didn't seem to be bothered at all by the intense heat. "Ugh, doesn't the heat bother you in the slightest Chakotay?"

He chuckled. "I grew up on Dorvan remember? It was just as hot there as it is here. I guess I learned to live with it."

"Well, I can't," she remarked.

"You know, you didn't have to come here," Chakotay pointed out. "I could have handled everything."

"I've been on the ship for three weeks, I needed to stretch my legs," Kathryn replied with a wave of her hand. "Besides, this is a mission of mercy, the Captain should be down here on planet. Tuvok made sure that my safety was accounted for. See, there isn't even a bug bite on me," she waved her hand in his face and grinned. "Nothing to worry about."

Chakotay stiffened a little at that comment. Of course there was much to worry about, her safety was at the top of the list. The fact that she could so easily brush the issue of her safety aside like it was nothing made him sick to his stomach. Didn't she realize what her death would do to the crew? The impact that it would have not only on him, but the rest of her officers as well? And, spirits, what about the children? He shuddered to think of what her death would do to them, so small and innocent and completely dependent on her for so many things. He tried to wash away the troubled thoughts with a smile, "there's no bug bites because there are no bugs."

Kathryn shrugged her slender shoulders. "One less thing for you to worry about I suppose." She started to move away, back towards the area where the shuttle was landed, but he grabbed her by the upper arm, with such a force that it startled her. She turned about to see his eyes, dark pools of emotion, looking at her with…agony, she couldn't be sure. Her breath caught at the sight of his concern for her.

"I'm your first officer, Kathryn, it's one of my duties to make sure you're safe," he told her, quietly. "Maybe I'm a bit more stubborn, vocal about it then most first officers, but I think our situation demands it, Kathryn, and I think you know this as well."

She flushed slightly under his gaze, thankful that the heat was unbearable, because the blush could be brushed off as being hot. "We…we have one more round of supplies to bring in. I couldn't move them on my own and I could not expect some of these people, weak from starvation to help. I'd like to get it done in a reasonable amount of time and return to _Voyager. _We have a briefing at fourteen hundred hours."

"Yes ma'am," he whispered, letting go of her arm and moving towards the shuttle.

Kathryn sucked in a deep breath letting her heart beat return to normal. She tried to tell herself that it was the heat that was making her skin burn underneath the thick layers of a Starfleet uniform and not his touch. But the touch, she had to admit had felt...good. How many nights had she woken up crying out for Bryan since his death, since she had been stranded so far from home? She was longing for the simple touch, longing for something to show her that she did after all feel. Well, feel more than pain and sadness. She wanted to feel happy again, loved again. The children brought her only so much joy, for when she looked at them, especially Ava, she was reminded of what she had lost, what her children would never have; their father. Tears, unwanted ones began to creep into her eyes, god if Chakotay saw her crying now, it would really send him into protective mode. Often times she wondered if Commander Cavit had survived if he would have been as protective of her as Chakotay. She had decided not so long ago that, no he would not have been. He would have stuck with his duties and protocol to make sure she was safe, but he wouldn't have stood so close to her, ready to pounce if one out of line alien made their move.

She should be grateful that she had someone to look out for her. But she found herself uneasy about the prospect. She didn't want to get special treatment just because she was the captain and she certainly was able to take care of herself. In a recent report Neelix had spoken of the first officer rudely shoving away an alien from Lieutenant Barrett while the three had been canvassing a bar to find out information on a missing away team. It seemed to be in Chakotay's nature to be protective of women.

Moving to help Chakotay now move some large containers of water down into a cellar of sorts, Kathryn blinked back the tears and set her jaw. Phoebe would tell her, often, that she needed to be taken care of, frequently because she over worked herself. Bryan had been the best thing that had happened to Kathryn in her sister's eyes. The man had not been afraid to tell her to step back and take a look around her. Chakotay wasn't afraid to do so either. He was more like her late husband than she had previously believed. Would Bryan have gone off to fight for a cause he believed in even if the Federation had not? If Michael and she had been in danger, Kathryn knew he would have. And she knew that he would be fiercely protective of Ava.

The little girl had started to ask for Chakotay, since the night the first officer had fallen asleep on the rocking with the children, to look for monsters underneath her crib. She couldn't quite say his name, but she would point at the crib and cry, _kotay, get monsters?_ Kathryn had felt horrible at first, not wanting to bother him so late at night with something that was so…trivial. But after rescuing him from the Viidians, Kathryn found she was exhausted. She was tired of fighting, she was tired of trying to do everything being a mother demanded of her, all by herself. Chakotay did not seem to mind being bothered every night to check for monsters underneath Ava's crib. He even brought a phaser for good measure, crawling around the floor of the nursery looking under every last piece of furniture. He even asked the computer once if there was anyone other than himself, Kathryn, and Ava in the room, and then turned with a dimpled smile towards the toddler and said, _see no monsters. Commander Tuvok wouldn't let them on the ship._

"Where did you say they wanted these?" Chakotay asked as she came to help him.

"In the cellar, over there," Kathryn gestured, throwing her thumb over her shoulder. "Chakotay," she said, biting her lip as they picked up the heavy container. "I haven't thanked you yet."

"For what?" he asked, guiding them along towards the cellar that was only ten feet away. They started down the steps, him in front, Kathryn in the back. "Being an obnoxious first officer that doesn't let you have any fun?" he teased. She couldn't see his face, but she was sure that he was flashing one of those smiles, the one she had overheard Sarah Barrett say could make any woman swoon.

"No," she said as they reached the bottom. "For making sure there aren't any monsters under Ava's crib."

He guided the container to the floor and peered at her over the top. "Oh, that," he said with a little shrug. "It's nothing."

"No, it's not nothing," Kathryn said, forcefully, "she isn't your daughter; you don't have to do it."

"But I want to Kathryn," Chakotay said, he quirked a grin. "Isn't it one of the first officer's duties to make sure the captain's children are safe as well?"

A soft smile graced her face. "I'm not sure," she replied, "but if it is, you do a damn good job."

Chakotay returned the smile but he wasn't sure what to say. Did he tell her that the children were important to him, would she understand? Did she really know what joy those two little bundles of mischief gave the crew, how much morale they lifted? One look into Ava's blue eyes and she had any man hooked. How could he possible say no when she was asking him to vanquish the monsters? Would she understand the fierce desire to make sure those little blue eyes never filled with such fear as when real monsters, aliens, had been hunting them? Did she know that he would gladly give his life for her, for her children if it meant keeping them safe?

Kathryn didn't give him time to respond, she had started back up the cellar stairs so they could retrieve the last container of water and head back to _Voyager. _He watched her as she moved, gracefully but with a sense of authority. Everything she did, she did it…elegantly, she was unlike any other Starfleet captain he had known, and he had brushed up with some of the best of them. Maybe that's why Starfleet had sent her to find him, perhaps they knew the way she handled people, especially men, how she could leave them transfixed. The first time he had seen her on the viewscreen on the _Liberty_ he had known she was going to cause trouble for him. He never imagined she would strand him seventy thousand light years from home, make him her first officer, and slowly reach out to him and become a friend, but still, there had been a sense that this woman was…something more than just the captain they had sent to capture him.

He had started up the stairs when it happened, when the room shook with such a fury Chakotay thought for a moment that it was exploding from the inside out. Kathryn was at the top of the stairs and suddenly tumbling down. Chakotay watched in horror as she landed at the foot of the stone steps, blood covering her face, and tried to reach her before the room started to cave in around them. It was only a few seconds, but in those few seconds his life was about to change drastically. He could hear screams from outside as the ground shook in violent jerks and bucks, felt the stones cutting through his uniform at his skin, felt water splash on his face as the container he had just carried down the steps with Kathryn was torn open, and then there was silence. A deafening silence.

Chakotay raised his head, looked about the dust filled room. "Kathryn?"

There was no sound, just the sound of rocks still tumbling on the floor. He could see that the door had been blocked from the ceiling collapse. Struggling to his feet, for his leg felt broken, Chakotay coughed the dust out of his lungs. "Kathryn!" he called this time, more in desperation than before. _Spirits, what if she's dead. _He forced himself not to think of that, forced himself to focus on finding her. "Captain, please answer me!"

"Chakotay?" Her voice was weak, dazed. He climbed over debris and found her, lying on her back, legs trapped underneath the fallen ceiling. Her head was resting on a large slab and blood was pooling in a dark puddle underneath her auburn hair. He moved towards her, careful not to disturb the debris and took her hand in his own.

"I'm here, Captain."

"What happened?"

"I don't know, earthquake maybe," Chakotay replied, taking his tunic off and using it to stop her head from bleeding. He glanced down at her legs. What he could see didn't look good. He could only pray that the pressure of the debris on top of them would stop her bleeding or she could very well bleed to death before help arrived. _If anyone knows we're down here. _He rubbed a hand over his sweaty face. "We'll just have to wait for the cavalry to arrive."

Kathryn's eyes were barely open. "My legs, Chakotay, I can't feel them."

"They're buried underneath a half a kilo of rock," he answered her. "I'm sorry, Kathryn, I don't want to risk moving them, not without the proper tools."

"I understand," she mumbled. "Is there any water left?"

"Yes," he said, looking up at the broken container, fortunately for them the gash was in the top and only about half of the water had split out. If they were trapped down here for a long period of time they would need the water to stay alive. It was already sweltering in the tiny spot. Chakotay feared that it would however get extremely cold once the sun went down. He estimated they had about seven hours left of daylight and he was confident that _Voyager _would find them before that. "We probably have enough for the rest of today and tonight."

Kathryn groaned slightly as she tried to move her head. "Hey," Chakotay told her, "take it easy, alright!"

"Take it easy has never been in my vocabulary," she said with a grin.

At least her sense of humor was still intact. "Well, you better learn it Captain, because I'm not about to let you exert yourself. You need your strength. Let me take care of you, alright?"

"Alright," she conceded. "It's not like I can move anyways."

Chakotay didn't say anything. His worst fear was being realized, Kathryn Janeway severely injured. Michael's face flashed into his visions, terrified that his mother had been hurt by Seska, and asking him to promise that he would keep his mother safe; he could only imagine what would happen if he had to go back to _Voyager _with his mother's body and try to explain why he had failed to keep his promise. Kathryn had grown silent. He snapped his head up and shook her shoulder, forcefully. "Stay awake Kathryn!"

"I'm tired," she whined.

"I know you are, but you have to stay awake," he told her.

She grumbled.

"Tell me a story," he suggested.

"What?"

"Tell me a story, tell me about Ava and Michael, Kathryn," Chakotay coaxed. _Tell me about the things that you'll want to fight for. _

"What do you want me to say?" Kathryn asked.

He thought about that for a moment. "You once told me that Ava was named after someone, a woman. Who was that woman Kathryn? Was she a family member?"

Kathryn's eyes shot open for a moment, a smoldering look of physical and emotional pain etched into her blue irises. "No, she wasn't a family member. I only met her once…but she…she saved my life. If it weren't for her there wouldn't be any Ava." She drew in a deep breath at the inquisitive look in his eyes. "I was on my way back to the _Billings_after my maternity leave, the _Saratoga_ gave me passage. They were supposed to take me to Deep Space Five, but word came from the _Enterprise_ that Jean-Luc Picard had been assimilated by the Borg and they were heading to Earth. There was no time to get the civilians off of the ship."

"You were caught in the battle at Wolf 359."

"Yes," Kathryn rasped out. "There was a woman, I'd become close to during the short time there, she helped me into an escape pod after I'd been injured. When I woke up, she wasn't there. She didn't make it into the escape pod. The _Saratoga_ exploded."

Chakotay fell silent for a moment. "You named your daughter after her," he whispered, "because without her, she never would have been conceived."

"It seemed fitting," Kathryn said, her eyes slipping shut again.

"No, Kathryn! Stay awake!"

Her eyes shot open. "Alright! I'm awake!" But Chakotay wasn't sure how much longer she could hang on. Time didn't seem to be on their side.

* * *

When the firing had finally stopped and her senses realigned, Sarah Barrett realized that it was deathly quiet. From her position, sprawled out on the ground, a heavy form on top of her, she ventured to peek around the small settlement that she had been bringing supplies to with Tom Paris, Kes, and B'Elanna Torres. They had just been about ready to board their shuttle and make their way back to _Voyager _when three Gerroan warships had dropped out of the clouds and began to fire. Sarah had been thrown to the ground by a rather large Kreyole man and had waited until she felt it was safe to poke her head up.

Smoke was filling the square, buildings were in complete ruins and bodies lined the street. She gulped back a sob, and with a sudden jolt of horror she realized that the person on top of her was dead. Pushing the heavy body off of her she watched as it rolled away, eyes blank and now devoid of life.

"Lieutenant," the gruff voice of Ensign Torres said, "are you alright?"

"I…I think so," Sarah said, getting to her feet, her eyes fixed on the body that had ultimately shielded her from the weapon's fire. Chances are if the man had not fallen on her, she would be dead, seeing how she was crossing the square towards the shuttle when the firing had begun. "You?"

"I seem to have faired better than most," Torres replied, coldly, in the fashion of a Klingon warrior. It had been hard to adjust to the two new crewmembers they had picked up thanks to Doctor Sulan's tinkering with their genetics. Sarah briefly wondered if Sulan got what he wanted out of all of that, a cure for the Phage, but at the same time she prayed that the crew of _Voyager _never found out. Torres had requested to be put out of Engineering, and her human self had gotten the role of Chief Engineer, while the Klingon self had been assigned to security. Both seemed to be sliding into their roles quiet well, Sarah had spent sometime with each of them working through their transition, not that it was much of one, each of them seemed happy to be rid of the other.

Pushing thoughts of those difficult sessions from her mind, Sarah shivered and looked about at the carnage. It was hard to believe that moments ago they were helping these people, who were grateful and offering them kind words and smiles. Now, everywhere you looked there was nothing but death and destruction. "Tom and Kes?" she asked, when her eyes couldn't find them. Fear began to well inside of her and she felt her heart start to beat faster.

"I haven't seen Lieutenant Paris or Kes since the attack," Torres answered.

Sarah tried to remember the last place she had seen Tom and Kes. She was pretty sure they were making their way back towards the shuttle. Looking in that direction all she could see now was a pile of bulkheads. With a shaky hand she pulled out her tricorder and flipped it open, praying that it would pick up some life signs underneath all that twisted metal and alloy. It blipped several different readings but there was so much interference from the minerals in the rocks and now the debris from the Gerroan attack, it was hard to tell if it was picking up Tom's life signs or her own. Giving it a frustrated shake, she felt burning tears edge their way into her eyes and threaten to slip down dirty cheeks. "Ensign, we have to start clearing that debris away."

"Lieutenant, we don't even know if they are in there, our strength is better off being used in more productive means," Torres pointed out.

"I don't care about more productive means!" Sarah yelled, spinning about, the tears finally escaping. When she saw that the Klingon wasn't going to relent, she set her jaw. "Fine, I'll do it myself." Shoving the tricorder back into its holder she stalked over towards the wreckage of the shuttle and began to tear away at the twisted pieces. By now her tears were scalding her cheeks mixing in with the sweat thanks to the warm desert air that was carrying up from the valley.

At some point she became aware that Torres had gone to help several Kreyole unbury some children that had been trapped and she wondered if perhaps the Klingon was right. Maybe she shouldn't be wasting her time trying to find Tom and Kes when they weren't even sure if the two had been in the shuttle. _But you would have seen them by now if they weren't, _Sarah told herself, yanking a bulkhead up so quickly and ferociously that it went sailing through the air.

"Hey!" Tom Paris' voice called out as the piece of debris nearly clipped him. "Are you trying to kill me? Because if we wait around a little while longer either the heat will or the Gerroan will finish the job for you, no sense wasting your time." He quirked a grin but it soon fell when he saw that she wasn't returning it. "Sarah?"

Her arms crushed him and he staggered backwards for a moment and then she reared back and hit him with a balled up fist on his chest. He grunted as the air was knocked out of him. "What was that for?"

"I thought you were dead! I thought you were trapped in the shuttle! Where the hell were you!" Sarah screamed.

"Kes and I went to help some Kreyole with injuries. Jeez, Sarah that hurt," Tom whined rubbing his chest.

"Good," Sarah sniffed, wiping at her eyes. "You deserve it."

Tom slid his arms over his chest and smirked at her. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were worried about me."

"Well of course I was worried," Sarah hissed, limping away from him. For the first time she realized that her leg hurt, and hurt like hell. "You're apart of my away team, I'm responsible for you."

"Is that all?"

She shot him a look as if to say, _don't. _His face fell. It was true they had patched things up considerably since his declaration of love for her in her quarters, but she wasn't ready for that final step, that leap of faith, because that's what it was going to be a leap. He watched her now as she moved, or tried to move about the destroyed village. Her hair had come out of her ponytail in places and sweaty pieces were falling in her face. She had streaks of dirt and sweat and perhaps tears on her cheeks, but to him she still looked beautiful. She stumbled and fell and he reacted instantly, rushing to her side to help her stand back up. "Let me look at your leg," he told her, softly.

He could see that she was starting to protest but then mutely nodded. He helped her sit down on a nearby rock and put the med kit that was slung over his shoulder onto the ground in front of him. "It looks like you've got a pretty good cut there," he said, pressing a hypospray to her neck.

"Someone either pushed me to the ground or fell on top of me, I'm not sure," Sarah said, watching him. "I guess I was…too worried about you and Kes to notice it at first."

"Well, we've treated it in time before it gets infected," Tom said, snapping his med kit shut.

"Thanks," she whispered.

He was about to take her hand and give it a squeeze when someone, a woman called out his name. He looked over his shoulder to see Tamah, one of the local girls he had befriended while the away team had been helping the Kreyole with their new technology and supplies. She was pretty, tall and slender, with fiery red hair and sharp brown eyes, and there was no mistaking that she had a crush on _Voyager's _pilot. This was not lost on Sarah either. Tom turned back towards her to see her eyes smoldering at him with a look of betrayal. _Damn it, _he thought, wanting to explain.

"Tom, we found more wounded, Kes needs your help," Tamah said, coming towards them. She nodded her head towards Sarah, "Lieutenant Barrett."

"I'll be right there," Tom said, hoping to defuse the tension. "I just need to finish up treating Sarah's leg." He hoped that using the young woman's given name would leave a subtle hint for Tamah that Sarah was more to him than a commanding officer. However, it didn't work out the way he had hoped.

Tamah rested her hand on his shoulder, a gentle touch that lingered too long. "Hurry, some of them are bad." With that she turned about and walked away. Tom bit his lip before venturing to look up at Sarah, still sitting on the rock with a heated look in her eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but found that no words were coming out.

"You better go," Sarah snapped. "She _needs _you." The young lieutenant got to her feet and angrily stalked away and Tom knew that they were back at square one, all thanks to one alien girl, a pretty one at that, who had a crush on him. Of course, he realized as he packed up his med kit and headed off towards where Tamah had gone that if he hadn't been his typically, flirty self around the young woman, perhaps things wouldn't be panning out the way they were. Sometimes he didn't mean it, but old habits die hard he supposed. Glancing up to see where Sarah had gone to, he found her helping the Kreyole organize the food and water supplies that had not been damaged. There was no mistaking the pain that was etched into her features. Tom cursed and went to find Tamah and Kes.

They were in one of the only buildings that had survived the attack. Kes, unaware of what had happened in the square, called him over immediately. "My dermal regenerator is broken," the young Ocampa told him. "Did you find Lieutenant Barrett and Ensign Torres?"

"Yes," he replied, solemnly. "They're out in the square helping with rescue efforts."

Kes' blues eyes looked up at him as she took the instrument from his hand. "Something wrong, Tom?"

"Nothing, except I think I'm the biggest screw up in not only the Alpha Quadrant but the entire Delta Quadrant as well," Tom lamented watching Tamah across the room. He shook his head to free it of the troubled thoughts and decided that now was not the time to wallow, now was the time to get to work. He would have plenty of time later to wallow when _Voyager _came back for them. "Anything on how the Gerroan found out about this settlement? I thought it was pretty far out of their region."

"Tamah says that the Gerroan have special forces that track the Kreyole throughout the galaxy," Kes replied, sadly. "They hunt them down no matter how far away from their homes they get."

Tom growled. "That's genocide."

Kes finished up on her patient and shrugged her shoulders. "Unfortunately it's their way of life," she said. "They're a very spiritual people though, they believe that an _englen _is going to come to save them, lead an uprising against the Gerroan."

"A messiah?" Tom said.

"Pardon?"

"On Earth, the Jewish believe that one day a messiah is going to come to save them from evil," Tom told her. "Of course it's been years since the Jewish faced this kind of persecution on Earth." But the similarities in the Kreyole's situation and what the Jews had gone through on Earth were not lost on Tom. "I guess, if history is to repeat itself, the Kreyole have hope."

Kes smiled at him. "If they have nothing else, that's a good thing to have."

"You know something, you're right," Tom replied with a smile of his own. "I'm going to go see if Sarah's managed to salvage any of that water, these people are going to need it. Let's make this the base of operations and the place to bring wounded." He got to his feet and rushed back outside.

Sarah was standing with the leader of the village, Tom couldn't remember his name, and they seemed to be discussing something. He moved towards them now; saw the horrified look on Sarah's face. Instantly he felt his heart start to beat faster. Something was wrong, just by the look in her eyes; he knew that something was wrong. "Lieutenant?" he asked, stepping up to her and hovering around her rather protectively. "Is everything alright?"

"Mister Walen says we have to leave the settlement," Sarah proclaimed in a stoic voice.

"But, what about the wounded, there's no way those people will be able to make any journey," Tom said, surprised.

"We'll be leaving them behind," Sarah whispered.

Tom felt his face go white. "Sarah," he said in a strangled voice, "we can't do that. The Prime Directive…"

"Says that we can't get involved in alien affairs," Sarah snapped back. For a brief moment their eyes locked.

"We're already involved, Lieutenant," Tom argued, matching her glare.

"In offering humanitarian aid, anything else would be a direct violation of the Prime Directive," Sarah retorted.

"And to stand by and let them commit murder isn't?" Tom's voice was heated.

Walen held a hand up to silence the two officers. "Please, Lieutenants, our people understand what has to be done in order for us all to survive. I'm afraid that this has become common practice." He turned towards the younger man standing next to him. "Prepare for the ceremony, Telek, we don't have much time before the Gerroan come back to make sure that we're all dead." Here he paused and waited for the man to turn and walk away. "I understand that this is something that must be appalling to you, Miss Barrett, Mister Paris, but you haven't had to live like we have, perhaps, after spending a few days in our shoes, you'll start to understand that the weak hamper survival."

"You'll have our full cooperation, Walen," Sarah said noticing the angry look in Tom's eyes. "If there's anything we can do before we leave, let me know."

"Thank you, Lieutenant, but I'm afraid that our traditions call for a specific person to perform the ceremony and strangers are not allowed to witness or participate," Walen said with a frown. "If you could take Kes and Ensign Torres and start down the mountain, we will follow in an hour."

Sarah nodded her head, ordered Tom to go retrieve Kes and B'Elanna, and walked away, watching out of the corner of her eye as the Kreyole began to prepare for a ceremony that many back home in the Alpha Quadrant would probably considered ritual suicide. But what other option did these people have when faced with annihilation? Blinking back tears she crossed her arms over her chest and rocked back and forth on her heels. Life had to be pretty grim if ritual killing was common practice, but Sarah had seen the Gerroan's prisons at the Vaga Colony several weeks ago, death it seemed would probably be more appealing to these people than that. And if Walen was correct, if one survivor was found, then Gerroan forces would comb the areas for more and not stop till every last Kreyole on the settlement was dead.

Today that settlement included her and her colleagues. The sound of approaching footsteps caused her to wipe at her eyes and slid her professional mask into place. She turned on her heel to see Tom, Kes, B'Elanna, and to her dismay Tamah, moving across the settlement towards her.

"Walen is sending Tamah with us," Tom explained as he got closer. "Apparently we need a guide."

Sarah pretended to be securing her phaser in its holster. "If Walen feels more comfortable sending one of his people with us then it's fine with me. I told him he'd have our full cooperation after all. How long will it take to get to the bottom? I have a feeling once we get off this mountain we'll be able to set up communications with _Voyager._"

"It normally takes three hours, but with all the damage, it's probably going to take at least until the morning," Tamah replied.

"Grab whatever you can from the shuttle," she ordered B'Elanna and Kes. "We're going to need rations and blankets and extra weapon's if we have them." She was satisfied when the two went off to complete her orders.

Tamah looked nervous. "We really shouldn't need those weapons, Lieutenant Barrett. The Gerroan have done what they want, flush us out of hiding and onto a new settlement. If they come back, they'll only check the settlement and move on."

"It's a standard Starfleet procedure," Sarah told her coldly.

"The weapon's will hamper our travel," Tamah argued.

Why was she so adamant that they leave the weapons behind? Something was lingering just beneath the surface, but Sarah couldn't uses her senses to figure it out. The Kreyole were highly telepathic, they had skills that Sarah would probably never possess and therefore were excellent at keeping their true agendas from her until they wanted her to know it. Frowning she looked at Tom for some help, he shrugged his shoulders. _Fine then, Tom, be that way. _"Listen, Miss Tamah, if you're going to be coming with us as our guide, there's a few ground rules that you need to know about. First, it goes against our regulations to disarm ourselves on an alien planet, especially after that planet has been attacked, and second, we have something called a command structure. I'm the senior officer here, if you're going to come with us, you're going to follow my orders, just like my officers, am I making myself clear?"

"Perfectly."

"Good."

Tom couldn't remember the last time he had seen Sarah this…ornery. Or maybe, just maybe, this snippy attitude towards Tamah was result that she was jealous.

"We salvaged everything that we could," Kes told the group, breaking Tom's thought process.

"There wasn't much to salvage, Lieutenant," B'Elanna said.

"Any rations?"

"Three packs," Kes said, quietly.

"We'll share," Sarah retorted, unzipping her tunic. "Water?"

"Mister Walen allowed us to fill four canteens of water," B'Elanna replied. "He said there was a spring about halfway down the mountain where we will be able to fill them up again, that is if the water isn't to heavily contaminated with the minerals from the rocks."

Sarah tugged her tunic out of her pants and plucked the combadge off of it. "Let's hope it is, I'm not sure we'll survive with just two canteens of water." She then pulled off the long sleeved undershirt of her uniform, revealing smooth, slender shoulders that were sleeked with sweat. She put her combadge onto the tank top and began to tear at the long sleeve top. "Tom, take your shirt off."

Tom winked at Kes and flashed a grin. "I really don't think now is the time for that Lieutenant."

She looked up from what she was doing to glare at him. "We're going to need something to protect our heads. If we tear our undershirts in half we should be able to make adequate headgear for Kes and Tamah." He muffled an acknowledgement and did as he was told. She slid her tunic back over her shoulders, to protect her fair skin from the sun, but didn't zip it back up. It was a good thing the Doctor had insisted that they bring what Tom had called _sun-block_. "Is any of that lotion left?"

Kes held up a tubular shaped container. "Maybe just enough to protect our skin for the rest of the day and tomorrow; the injections to protect us from ultra violet radiation only last twelve hours according to the Doctor."

Sarah secured the piece of her shirt around her head with some rope that she had found while helping clean up the village. "Alright," she said, watching as Tom tore off a piece of his shirt and handed it to Kes. She reluctantly handed her scrap piece to Tamah and thought it a clever little ploy by the pilot. He was trying to convince her that he didn't find Tamah attractive. She scoffed at the idea; she could see right through him, feel his emotions and hear partial thoughts. Of course even if she didn't have that ability it was obvious that he found Tamah attractive. He was using all the same little charms he used with her on the Kreyole woman. She shouldn't feel jealous, after all, Tom technically wasn't hers, but all the same, _she _had been the one he'd declared love too, not Tamah. "We should get moving. Try to only drink the water when you absolutely have too, we're going to need to stretch it out."

Tom secured his med kit over his shoulder. "Should we set up a beacon?"

"The Gerroan would find us that way," Sarah pointed out.

"A beacon, you can set up a beacon?" Tamah asked. "How?"

"Using our communicators," Tom answered, "but we'd be leading the Gerroan right to us if we did that."

Sarah pulled her tricorder out while Tom and Tamah conversed and began to scan for the best possible route. Every path leading away from the village was littered with debris and would take hours to navigate. She gasped suddenly when her tricorder pointed towards the other settlement, and a vision of Kathryn Janeway, bleeding and dying accosted her. It happened so quickly that she wasn't sure if anyone had noticed, but when she was able to regain her bearings, Tom was holding onto her arm. "Sarah?"

"I'm alright," she breathed. "This way, we're heading this way."

"Back towards the other settlement," Tamah argued. "We need to head for the caverns where the escape shuttles are. Walen already told you that is what we'd be doing. The people in the other settlement will do the same as we are, perform the ritual, and then head for the escape shuttles. They'll be no one down there when we arrive."

Sarah closed her eyes for a moment. "Captain Janeway is down there and in trouble."

"You don't know that," Tamah snapped.

"If you don't want to go that way, then fine, we'll make do alone," Sarah told her, not bothering to look at her. Before the young Kreyole girl could argue anymore Sarah started down the path towards the other settlement. It was probably a two day journey by foot from this point on and there was no telling when _Voyager _would be coming back for them. Their exodus was only beginning.

* * *


	61. Chapter 61

* * *

­­­­­­­­­­Harry Kim was exhausted. Since four of _Voyager's _senior officers were off ship at the present time, his duties had seemed to multiply. He had done some shifts in sickbay, even though he wasn't nearly as good a medic as Kes, or even Tom Paris, but someone had to fill in while both were away. Rubbing his eyes as he took his duty station that day he was happy to see Tuvok back, at least command of _Voyager _was out of his hands, finally. It had been a long forty-eight hours since the away teams had left for the Kreyole planet. Captain Janeway had opted to use shuttles so they could stay under the radar. The Gerroan would be looking for bigger ships, like _Voyager. _

He had to admit, however, that the last forty eight hours had not been a total loss or waste of time. They had restocked their food supply to Neelix's joy, and he had spent a lot of time with Lana. It still felt weird though, seeing her as fully human as he was, and calling her a totally different name. However, it had come up at one of the counseling sessions that Sarah had set up with both of them, to the fully Klingon woman's chagrin. Lana had decided to change her name to make it easier on Chakotay when he went to change the duty roster. Both of them had only been on duty for about a day when they had decided to head out to help the Kreyole. Lana had kept her role as Chief Engineer, while B'Elanna had decided her talents were suited elsewhere, not to mention she didn't think Janeway liked her too much. She had been assigned to Tuvok's security team and to the Vulcan's astonishment, was making a fine addition.

"Good morning Ensign," his counterpart at operations greeted him. "Not much to report, sir. _Voyager's _waiting for Captain Janeway's hail to come so we can be on our way to retrieve the last two shuttles."

Harry nodded his thanks and got to work. He was happy for the lull in activity at the moment. After trailing the Viidians and their missing crewmen six days ago, it was a nice change of pace. And it had allowed him to get to know Lana. Of course, she wasn't the same B'Elanna he remembered, and he knew that apart of him had fallen for her more passionate Klingon side, but the fully Klingon half of her didn't seem interested in him at all, not even for a friend. He had lamented all of these thoughts to Tom before he took off on the mission, having decided that this was something to go to his best friend about and not the ship's counselor. Tom's last words to him had been, "At least you have Lana, look at me, Harry, I don't know where I stand with Sarah."

If that wasn't truth, Harry didn't know what was. Tom had doted over her while she had been sick, had protested her assignment to the away team that had been sent to rescue him from the Viidians, in secret of course, to Captain Janeway, and still, Sarah seemed more than happy to keep him at arm's length. Lana seemed more than willing to explore what was between them and since Tom's departure they'd had a couple of dates, real dates, on the holodeck, using some of Tom's best programs of course, but Lana didn't know that, or if she did, she didn't care.

His console warned him of something out of the ordinary. He glanced up to catch a glimpse of the readings before reporting to Tuvok, "Commander, I'm reading three Gerroan warships in orbit of the planet that Captain Janeway is on."

"Can we set up communications with the Captain to warn her?" Tuvok asked.

"Negative, we're still too far out of range. The data I'm receiving is from long range sensors," Harry reported, frowning at his console.

"How long will it take us to arrive at the planet, Mister Baytart," Tuvok asked, rising slightly in the command chair.

"At warp eight, twenty hours, sir," Baytart replied.

A cold knot formed in the pit of Harry's stomach. The Gerroan were bad news, they had been doing everything they could to avoid them. Captain Janeway had felt that the Kreyole settlement was way out of the Gerroan's territory for them to taken notice and decided that it was safe for _Voyager _to launch three shuttles with supplies for the refugees there. It was a mission of mercy. Of course, Harry knew that wouldn't matter to the Gerroan. His dealings with them had been brief, Sarah was the real expert, but he knew enough that they thought themselves superior to all others. If the Gerroan had showed up while the shuttles were still on the surface, Harry could only imagine what had happened to the away team. "Should I keep an eye on the Gerroan ships, Commander?"

Tuvok's dark eyes turned to look at him thoughtfully. "That would be a the most logical course of action to take, Mister Kim, proceed with that."

Harry nodded his head. "Aye sir." His fingers ran quickly over his controls, setting up the long range and short range sensors to pick up any Gerroan activity in the region. Back home they would have had the luxury of calling for back up, but out here in the Delta Quadrant, they were alone, and he knew that they had to be one step a head of the enemy at all costs.

A nervous tingle became to creep up his spine. He didn't want to think about what was happening or what had happened to the away teams, especially since his best friend was on one of them, but it kept creeping into his line of thought. After all the loss of Captain Janeway would be a harsh enough blow without adding Chakotay, Sarah, and Tom to the list.

He decided that he would busy himself with his weekly diagnostics to keep his mind off of what they _might _find at the Kreyole planet.

"_Sickbay to Ensign Kim._"

"Go ahead Doc," Harry replied.

"_Could you come down here please?_"

"Something wrong with your program?"

"_No, Lieutenant Torres has been admitted, shall we say, and is requesting to see you._"

Harry glanced up at Tuvok, who despite not looking like he was listening, actually was. The Vulcan nodded his head in approval and Harry told the Doctor that he would be on his way. Handing his station over to Lang, he made a hasty exit off the bridge. Lana had not mentioned being sick, of course, since Michael Janeway had come down with a bad strain of the flu a few days ago, it had been running rampant all over the ship. Perhaps she had just been its next _lucky _target.

When he entered sickbay he found Lana lying on the surgical biobed and the Doctor running some tests. She didn't look as bad as Sarah Barrett a few days ago when she had come down with the flu while being held captive on the Viidian prison ship. In fact, Lana looked just as she had the moment she had come on board. "What's going on Doc?" he asked, stepping up to the bed. He flashed Lana a grin, "Hey Lana."

"Hey."

Her voice sounded weak and it made him frown. Even though it appeared that there was nothing wrong with her, there was definitely something going on. He suddenly wished that Chakotay was around. "What's the matter; get the flu like everyone else?"

"No," she mumbled, pressing her hand to her forehead. "I'm just doomed to be a Klingon."

"Pardon?"

"Miss Torres' body is lacking an enzyme that is essential for her survival. Unfortunately this particular enzyme in her case is from her Klingon DNA. My original scans didn't reveal anything four days ago when I performed them, but recently she has been experiencing spells of dizziness and I ran them again," the hologram replied.

Harry's brow furrowed. "What's the treatment?"

"The treatment? There isn't any but to put her two halves back together," the Doctor answered.

"But…wouldn't you need the other…half to agree?" Harry questioned.

"Chances are she is experiencing similar symptoms," the Doctor said. "It's clear to me now if they want to survive, they have to become one again. Of course I will bring my findings to Captain Janeway and after consulting with the Klingon B'Elanna."

Harry frowned some more. "The Captain isn't on board."

"She isn't back yet?," the Doctor snapped.

"Well, they ran into some unexpected guests, we…don't know where she is right now," Harry said.

"What about Lieutenant Barrett's team? Ensign Torres was with her, did they come back?"

"No, they're missing as well."

The Doctor scowled. "It seems that I'm on the voyage of the damned."

* * *

"How did you meet your husband?"

It was a question that both knew where coming. Kathryn's already glassy eyes glazed over some more with unshed tears just on the cusp of falling. She set her jaw as best she could for the amount of pain she was in, and said, softly, "His brother introduced us, at a family party. I was awaiting reassignment after the death of my father and in Gabriel's mind was rather bored. There was a definite spark between us, at least I thought so, but Bryan didn't appear to think so. I was proven wrong when he contacted me two days later asking me on a date…I guess the rest is history."

Chakotay smiled sadly. He had seen the pictures of course, there were several in her ready room of the couple before and after having Michael. There was even a wedding picture in her quarters, but looking at those photos for him and he was sure for her, was just a sad reminder of the life lost when the Borg came. "Your mother must have been thrilled."

Kathryn chuckled. "More than thrilled, because she didn't think either of us were going to settle down. Phoebe was always the wild one and I was always the one with my eyes towards the stars."

"You never considered…becoming more grounded after Michael was born?" he questioned.

"Maybe…just a little," she said, wincing through pain. "Don't we have anything for the pain?" she begged him almost. He knew that it had to be bad if Kathryn Janeway was begging to be treated.

Chakotay shook his head. "I'm afraid that all the medkits were destroyed or are still in the shuttle. Don't worry; I'm sure someone will be digging us out soon."

"It's awfully quiet up there."

He had noticed it too, but he didn't want to say anything. There was a real possibility that the earthquake or whatever had happened up there had killed everyone. Their only hope at this point was if Barrett and Paris realized that something had gone wrong and would come to check up on them. _That is, if they haven't already started on their way back to Voyager. _"Well, I for one am glad that you didn't become more grounded. I'm not sure any other commanding officer could put up with me."

Kathryn's smile didn't quite reach her eyes. She was starting to slip away, he could tell. "I'm pretty sure there aren't too many captains who would have put a Maquis rebel in such a position of authority."

"And for that I'm flattered."

"You've more than earned it since, Chakotay."

Chakotay shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not so sure about that, Kathryn. After all, I did let people like Seska slip underneath the radar."

"Seska slipped underneath all our radars, Chakotay," she reminded him. "Even an astute Vulcan's."

"Well, I guess that does make me feel better knowing that she fooled even Tuvok."

She mumbled something incoherent and her eyes began to shut. Chakotay reached out and forcefully shook her. "Stay awake, Kathryn, I know it's hard, but you have to stay awake."

"I'm so tired, Chakotay."

"I know, but if you go to sleep…you may never wake up again. Besides, I need someone to keep me company."

Kathryn's eyes flooded with tears. "It seems your fears about my safety were justified."

"They'll only be justified if you die and you're not going to die," Chakotay replied, firmly. "Now, tell me another story Kathryn, like how come Ava, who at the age of one and a half, already is addicted to coffee. You wouldn't be slipping her little tastes here and there now would you?"

She managed a scowl through her obvious discomfort. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Chakotay chuckled. "Really? The other day, when she managed to get away from Tal and I found her in the mess hall, do you know what she was asking Neelix for?" He saw her jaw set but she didn't reply. "She was asking for coffee ice cream. Only your daughter would love coffee ice cream at such a young age. Most little girls like chocolate or vanilla."

A little smile crossed her face. "Ava isn't most little girls."

He thought back to weeks ago during the crisis of the failed transwarp drive. Ava had been buried underneath debris in the mess hall and by all rights should have died, but thanks to the spirits or the work of the Doctor or the little girl's sheer determination, she had survived. But then again, she was after all the child of one of the most determined people that he knew. Both Kathryn's children held a stubbornness only matched by their mother. He noticed a lone tear leak out of the corner of Kathryn's eye and instinctively he reached out to brush it away. "It's alright, Kathryn, you'll see them again." His finger caressed her cheek for a moment, but then he saw her stiffen slightly at the touch and realized that the gesture was probably too personal for their relationship of captain and first officer. "I'm sorry," he said, pulling his hand away suddenly.

Kathryn sniffled. "It's not you Chakotay, it's me. Everything seems to remind me of… Bryan." A silence fell between them. The touch had felt good and she felt guilty. Her husband had only been dead two years, she had two children with him, one that was still deeply affected by his death and another that was going to feel it later down the road. Was it wrong, though, to long for that kind of loving touch again? She closed her eyes for a moment. It wasn't wrong to want that touch, but it was certainly wrong to want it from her first officer.

"Are you thirsty?" Chakotay asked, breaking the silence.

"A little," she whispered.

"I'll get you some water," he replied, carefully getting up so he didn't disturb the debris and went to gather some water in the palm of his hand. Returning to Kathryn he gently placed one hand underneath her head and the other up to her mouth and instructed her to drink. It wasn't much water to take in but it managed to quench her thirst for the time being. Slowly he helped her lay back down. She turned her eyes away from him and he knew that they had reached another impasse.

Kathryn was closing up to him just when her life may depend on being breaking down those walls

* * *

She was never going on another away mission ever. Sarah Barrett grumpily picked her way through destroyed paths down the mountain towards the settlement that she had last spoken to Captain Janeway and was certain that her commanding officer was still there. It was stifling hot and the pieces of fabric they had used to cover their heads was only making her sweat even more, not to mention her feet were cramped in the Starfleet issued boots and she could feel them starting to blister. Survival classes at the Academy hadn't even been this difficult. It was made worse by the mood she was in. Since they had left the settlement she had been in a foul state, not wanting to converse with anyone. Everyone that tried to speak to her while they picked their way carefully along the destroyed paths usually got a snap for an answer.

This type of reaction was making the others keep their distance. No doubt her hostile attitude towards Tamah earlier had gone noticed by the three _Voyager _shipmates, and not too mention her continued hostility towards them as they kept on moving. Only Torres dared approach her, but only then did she say what she needed to say, and resume her distance. She knew that she had been hostile towards Tamah, not because the girl had stepped on her toes, but because she was jealous. _Damn that little feeling called jealousy, _Sarah thought as she stepped over a fallen log. She had never been this jealous before, the sensation was completely new to her. Not even when Tom had been chasing after the Delaney sisters with Harry Kim had she felt this jealous. Of course, the more she looked back on it, the more she realized that she didn't have feelings for him then.

Sarah peeked at Tom, several feet behind her. Those days, when they were first stranded in the Delta Quadrant seemed like a lifetime ago. In truth it had only been three months, but so much had changed in those three short months. She had seen people die, people betray them, and she had learned quite a few things about herself as well.

Wiping the sweat from her brow she strode around a large boulder and stopped in her tracks. _Dellon Casius, standing in the rubble of the settlement, snickering at her. _Blinking she looked at the abandoned buildings. Yanking her tricorder out she began to scan the area for Gerroan life signs, but there was none. The vision had been so clear though, as if the sinister leader of the Gerroan had been whispering in her ear himself. _The scene before her changed, Captain Janeway, in trouble, calling to her, she was dying, alone. Sarah tried to get to her, but it was too late. _"Captain!"

Tom watched as Sarah stumbled, calling for the Captain. Kes and B'Elanna seemed concerned, as was he, but Tamah took in the scene coolly. He wasn't sure if it was because she herself was a telepath, but he couldn't concern himself with that strange reaction. Moving through the debris towards where Kes and B'Elanna had helped Sarah sit down, he slid the medkit off of his shoulder. His tricorder confirmed what he knew had happened, a telepathic vision, one that had sent her theta wave activity through the roof. Tuvok had been working with her to control that, he knew this much, but her skills were still in the Vulcan's mind elementary and she had little control over it. With a frown he pressed a hypospray to her neck.

"He was here," she said, grabbing a hold of his arm suddenly.

"Who was here?" Tom asked, gently.

"Casius."

The mere mention of the leader's name, even spoken in Sarah's voice, made a cold knot form in his stomach. If she had a vision of him then it wasn't a good one. "He's gone now, Sarah. There are no Gerroan lifesigns. Maybe it was just an echo of the past here."

She was calming as the drug he gave her took affect. "He'll be back…he wants something here…and it's not the Gerroan refugees." Closing her eyes for a moment she tried to stretch out with her senses but felt like something or someone perhaps was blocking her from uncovering the truth. She briefly wondered if Kes was having similar problems, but she recalled the young woman not complaining about her telepathic abilities being hindered on the planet when Sarah had mentioned she was having trouble reading the Kreyole. She had chalked it up to the fact that the Kreyole were far more advanced in their telepathy than Sarah was and more along the lines of what Kes had been used to on Ocampa, but now, she was beginning to wonder. Was someone deliberating putting up barriers so she wouldn't uncover the truth? "We should stop to rest."

Tom shut his tricorder down. "Agreed, these buildings maybe old, but they'll hide us from the sun."

Opening her eyes Sarah helped herself up and led the group into one of the houses. There was discarded furniture and it looked like these buildings had not been used in years. It was obvious that the Kreyole had not used them as apart of their refugee settlements, in fact they probably had not known they even existed. She took the opportunity to yank off the piece of fabric protecting her head to allow her hair to breathe a little. Moving sweaty pieces of lose hair out of her eyes she looked at some markings on the blow out consoles.

"Doesn't look like a refugee settlement to me," Tom quipped behind her. "This almost looks like it was a sophisticated civilization before." He slid the medkit off his shoulder and went to study the walls a little bit more closely. "These symbols look familiar, Sarah."

"You're right, they do," Sarah said, running her fingers along one of the walls. An image of the Gerroan warship flashed before her eyes. "I think they're Gerroan symbols."

"Gerroan?" Kes asked. "What would a Gerroan settlement be doing on this planet?"

"It was one of their colonies before the Purge began," Tamah, who had been quiet for quite some time, spoke up. "They were at war with a race known as the Nydians. This planet was once a lush and beautiful rainforest, filled with all kinds of life, until the Nydians came, used some sort of biological weapon on the planet and changed the atmosphere."

"That's why there is very little life here," B'Elanna mused, taking a swig from her canteen, "and the water is undrinkable."

Tamah nodded her head. "Yes, that is why this planet is virtually a desert. The Gerroan blamed us for what happened to their outer colonies. You see, a long time ago we used to live side by side in peace, but that was all changed when a Kreyole priest was framed for giving information to the Nydians."

"The Nydians are telepathic aren't they?" Sarah questioned.

"Yes," Tamah replied. "The Gerroan accused the priest of handing the information over telepathically. That's why we are considered dangerous." She shook her red hair out of the make shift wrap and gave Tom a coy little grin. "Do you think _I'm _dangerous, Lieutenant Paris."

The answer was yes, but Tom bit down on his lip hard. She was dangerous for different reasons. He could have sworn he saw B'Elanna roll her eyes in disgust as Sarah just scowled. _My mother always warned me that red haired woman were trouble, _he thought, watching as Tamah moved away from the group, walking with a purposeful sway to her hips, _big trouble. _"I don't suppose anyone is hungry for a ration pack?"

Everyone murmured a half-hearted "yes" and Tom began to divide up their first pack. Tamah seemed like the only one who was not bothered by the dehydrated food, even B'Elanna looked at it skeptically before deciding that it was for the best that she eat it, if she wanted to survive. When he was done divvying up the rations he took his portion, along with Sarah's and went to sit with the counselor in the far corner of the room. Sliding up against the wall he was happy to see that they were out of Tamah's sightline and he briefly wondered if Sarah had wanted that. Perhaps not for the reason of being alone with him, liked he hoped, but perhaps because she didn't trust Tamah. "When we get home I think we need to petition Starfleet to add a bit more variety to their ration packs."

Sarah smiled slightly as she ate her lunch. "Leola root stew?"

Tom made a face. "Even the current ration packs are better than that, but who knows, maybe it would taste better vacuumed packed."

"I doubt it."

He watched her eat for a moment, the light casting shadows on her face. "You cried out for the Captain, earlier. Did you see something else besides what happened before we left the settlement?"

A dark look came across her face. "She's dying," Sarah stated simply. "I was trying to get to her, but it was too late."

"Then we don't have a lot of time," Tom said, determinedly.

"We're still at least another day from the other settlement," Sarah pointed out. "The going has been difficult thanks to the Gerroan's attack. If we're lucky we'll be there by sundown tomorrow."

"Captain Janeway is tough, she'll hang on," Tom reassured her.

"It maybe too long," Sarah argued. "We have to be prepared for the worst. I think all we're going to find is bad things tomorrow. Our travel is slow thanks to the obstacles in our path. I wish our shuttle hadn't been destroyed. It would have made getting down this mountain a lot easier."

"Or we could just use this short range transporter," Tamah's voice interrupted. Both officers jumped slightly and she cast her brown eyes downward. "Sorry, Lieutenants, I didn't mean to startle you. I just overheard you speaking of Captain Janeway and how she is in trouble. I noticed a short range transporter in the other room. It seems to still be in working order. We could use it to transport closer to the other settlement. It won't take us all the way there, but it would guarantee that we'd be there by morning."

Sarah felt like she should be cautious that this opportunity had just plopped in her lap but she knew for a fact that Captain Janeway didn't have much time left and if there was a way to get to the settlement faster she should take it. She glanced at Tom for support. He nodded his head. "Well, good thing we stopped," she said with a little smile. "Or we never would have found it. Can you get it up and running Tamah? We'll be along in a moment."

The Kreyole woman nodded her head and left the room. B'Elanna was immediately arguing Sarah's decision. "Lieutenant, we don't even know this technology; we should continue on foot."

"Captain Janeway is in trouble," Sarah retorted. "We need to get to her quickly."

"Risking transport on an ancient piece of technology could very well kill us," B'Elanna snapped.

"It's a risk we have to take," Sarah replied, keeping her emotions in check.

"As your security officer, I disagree with this decision," the Klingon said, heatedly.

"Then I guess you'll have to write it in your report," Sarah shot back, grabbing the medkit that she had been carrying and stalking off into the room after Tamah. The others exchanged glances before following and found that the Kreyole woman who had been acting as their guide had finished getting the transporter up and running. Tom thought it odd that it had only taken a few moments. He had seen Gerroan technology first hand and it wasn't simple to learn. But all uneasy thoughts asides, he climbed up onto the pad next to the others and waited patiently for Tamah to start the transport.

Tamah finished what she was doing and climbed up onto the pad, wedging herself between Kes and Tom. She gave him a sly smile as her leg brushed against his. He tried to move but found that he was right against the wall. Cursing silently he saw the dejected look in Sarah's eyes as the transporter beam swept them up and carried them away. When they rematerialized they were indeed several hundred kilometers down the mountain which put them at the base and half way towards the other settlement. Tom looked grimly across the landscape that was reminiscent of the African savannah. At least they didn't have any lions to worry about though on this safari.

Sarah began to lead the way again through the grass, fastening the wrap around her head once again to protect it from the sun. They still had a long way to go and time wasn't on their side.

* * *


	62. Chapter 62

* * *

"Chakotay? Are you still there?"

"Yes, Kathryn, I'm still here."

"Oh, I thought you'd left."

"No, I wouldn't leave."

There was silence and he knew she had slipped back into a state of semi unconsciousness. As the sun had started to go down her condition was getting worse. The blood loss was beginning to take its toll on her and she had started to drift in and out of a coherent state. Chakotay had done everything he could for her with the little resources he had. He had managed to dig a medkit out of the rubble and give her a pain killer, but other than that, there wasn't much he could do. She was still half buried under the fallen ceiling and loosing a fair amount of blood no matter how hard he tried to stop the flow. _Voyager _needed to arrive soon if she had any chance of survival.

Kathryn's eyes opened slowly. "Chakotay," she said. "Why is it so dark in here?"

"There aren't any lights, Kathryn," he replied, fighting the urge to scream. "They were damaged in the earthquake."

"Earthquake? I don't remember an earthquake," Kathryn muttered. Her eyes searched the room to find him sitting on top of a pile of debris, close to her. The look on his face was grave in the twilight. "Where are Tom and Sarah?"

Chakotay pressed his lips together for a moment. Did he tell her the truth that he had no idea where the others were? Or should he, for the sake of her condition, lie to her? He decided that the truth was something that her frail state could not handle at the moment because she would worry more about those missing officers than about herself. "They're back on _Voyager._" He saw a look of relief wash over her face.

Her eyes closed again and silence filled the room once more. He stifled a sigh. Somewhere in the back of his mind he had known it was going to come to this, he had just tried so hard to keep her talking, foolishly believing that if she was having a coherent conversation with him then it would keep her from slipping away. Chakotay realized the thought had been out of desperation to keep her alive. Even if she didn't feel it, she was the crew's rock, the consistent driving force that in the past three months had kept them going. She had united two diverse groups into one crew and Chakotay wasn't sure if he could keep that balance without her. He feared her death as much as her small children did. Suddenly reminded of Ava and Michael, he scowled; what would he ever tell them if their mother didn't make it? Who would take care of them?

Chakotay lowered his head feeling his anguish start to take hold. The truth was he had played the scene of sitting the children down to talk about Kathryn's passing before, when the journey had started. Back then it didn't feel as painful, didn't feel as hopeless as it did now. It was just something that he knew he might have to do someday as first officer and he mentally prepared himself for it. Now, he wished he hadn't. All he could see was their little faces, frightened and alone.

Kathryn let out a sob then that startled him. Raising his eyes he could see her body heaving with them. "I forgot to say good bye to the children; they were sleeping when we left. I didn't even leave them a note."

He grasped her cold hand in his. "I'm sure they understand Kathryn."

"No," she cried. "I always leave them a note before I go on a mission…just in case…just in case I don't come back."

"You're going to get back, Kathryn," Chakotay told her desperately. _Spirits, Kathryn, don't go saying good bye now! Just fight a little longer, Voyager's coming for us, they have to be! _He gave her hand a squeeze. "They'll be waiting for you when you arrive, don't worry, they're not angry at you."

"They should be," Kathryn retorted, trying to take calming breaths that were severely labored. "I've gotten them stranded in a hostile part of space with little hope of ever seeing home again." He watched the tears roll down her cheeks and just when he thought she was making coherent thoughts again, she muttered. "I should have left them with you Bryan. They would have been happier, safer with you; you were always the better parent."

Chakotay felt his heart lurch. She thought he was her husband, her late husband. He wanted to shrink away at that very moment, to run and hide and never have to see her this way again, so lost, so delusional. "They're happy with you Kathryn and they love you, so much. I don't think there isn't a minute they regret being with you. Believe me when I say this Kathryn, they'd be lost without you."

"Who's going to take care of them Bryan?" Kathryn lamented, her eyes looking right at him but not registering who he really was. "What's going to happen to them when I'm gone?"

"You're not going to be gone, Kathryn," Chakotay said, firmly.

"I'm tired Bryan, I can't fight much longer," she cried softly. "I'm tired of fighting."

Chakotay clutched her hand. "I promise Kathryn, when this is all over, you can rest. Please, just fight it, just a while longer. _Voyager _is coming for us, but you have to keep fighting until then, if not for the crew, but for Ava and Michael."

She fell silent again and he watched as her eyes shut as she slipped into another semi unconscious state. The time was coming when she eventually would slip into a coma. When that happened Chakotay knew that the chances of her surviving this were slim, hell they had been slim from the very beginning. _Voyager _was at least two days away from this planet, safely hidden from the Gerroan. They're only hope at this point was if Tom and Sarah had survived the quake as well and were searching for them. But Chakotay had no idea if they were alive. _I should have fought you more Kathryn, I should have demanded that you stay on Voyager where it was safe. I don't know if I can carry on for you._

He ran his fingers over her hand recalling her earlier shudder at his touch. He shouldn't care so much for her, she had after all been sent after him to bring him into prison. But he did and he wasn't sure if he would have been able to stop it, even if they hadn't been stranded in the Delta Quadrant. Any other captain would have probably thrown him and his crew into the brig for seventy five years, but Kathryn had seen the need for survival, the larger picture. She had offered her hand and he had not been reluctant to take it. Sure his people had scoffed at the idea, thought he was crazy for ever thinking that Kathryn was going to trust them. At first he wasn't sure she did, but slowly she had started to trust him and he in turn her. Even his people had started to look at her as their captain and not Starfleet.

When Seska had betrayed them he had feared it would cause an impasse between the two crews that would never have been able to be closed, it had in fact done just the opposite; it had brought them closer together. Seska had not only betrayed Janeway she had betrayed everyone who was Maquis on that ship. Kathryn was the glue that held them, him together. Losing her would certainly unbind everything they had worked for. Which is why he had to keep helping her fight, _Voyager's _survival depended on it.

"Chakotay."

"Yes Kathryn?"

"It's getting cold in here," she told him, her eyes opening to reveal glassy blue orbs. Chakotay could see the life slowly leaking out of them. They had been trapped underneath the rubble for at least seven hours already, it may have been even longer for all he knew because he didn't have a chronometer. However, the last bit of light that had been filtering through the windows had died away almost an hour ago. For all he knew it was the middle of the night. "Why is it so cold?"

"The sun went down, Kathryn. Do you want a blanket, I saw some earlier," he answered.

"Yes, a blanket would be nice, thank you," she said, hoarsely.

Chakotay picked his way carefully through the room to where he had seen the blankets. Managing to yank one free from underneath a large slab of rock he just as carefully made his way back to Kathryn, wrapping the soft blanket around her body that was not buried underneath the rocks. When he was done he smoothed it and tried to offer her a smile, but found that it barely reached the corners of his mouth. "Is that better?"

Kathryn nodded her head. "Chakotay, I need you to promise me something."

"What's that Kathryn?" he replied, fearing the answer. Her hand struggled to grasp his and he helped her along by taking it in his own. He held onto her icy fingers for a while, searching her face for a moment. It was contorted in pain, but not physical, he could clearly see that what she was about to ask him was something that was tearing at her soul. And even though he feared what she wanted from him, he was glad for this moment of clarity. When she had been talking to him as if he was Bryan it had broken his heart. He wasn't sure if he could handle that again just yet.

"The crew, you have to get them home, I stranded them here, I made a promise to them that I'd get them home," she said, eyes dimming. "Promise me if I don't make it that you'll get them home, Chakotay, please promise me."

He brought her hand close to his face for a moment. "Kathryn, I can't."

She looked devastated. "Why?"

"Because then that would give you justification to let go," he answered. "Your crew would have been taken care of. I can't do that, I can't give you a reason to let go. _Voyager_ needs you…I need you."

"The crew will be fine without me, you'll be fine without me," she argued.

Chakotay sighed. "Perhaps the crew would be fine, with time, but not me, that would never happen, that crew would never be mine; they're yours. And what about your children, Kathryn, would they be fine without you?"

"No," she finally answered after several seconds of silence. He watched the tears make tracks down her cheeks and he once again reached out to brush them away, but this time she didn't shudder underneath his touch, this time she actually embraced it, reaching up to grab a hold of the hand that was comforting her. "I don't want to leave them alone, Chakotay. But there's no one in this forsaken quadrant to take care of them. They deserved better than what I've given them, the dangers of life on a starship. They deserved a mother and I couldn't give them that, my career was too important."

"Kathryn, if that was true you wouldn't have gone to great lengths to get them accommodations on _Voyager, _you wouldn't be sitting in Ava's rocking chair for hours on end when she can't sleep when you know there are a million other things you have to do," Chakotay comforted. "They love you, isn't that worth fighting for Kathryn?"

She fell silent. Chakotay watched her face as it contemplated what he had just said. But she didn't respond, she was slipping again, away from reality back into her delusions, he could tell by the confused look that came over her face. Finally her eyes opened and she said, "Chakotay, are you still there?"

"Yes, Kathryn, I'm still here."

"Oh, I thought you'd left."

He sighed as it started all over again. "No I wouldn't leave."

* * *

They had walked most of the night before Tom finally suggested that they take a break. Tamah of all people seemed a bit miffed, arguing that the more time it took them to get to the settlement the less time they had to make it to the escape shuttles. Tom, however, was not worried about it. _Voyager _would be coming for them and they could certainly take Tamah to the next settlement or meet up with her people later. Sarah had agreed that they needed the rest and they decided that they would take watch in shifts, just in case the Gerroan did indeed decide to show up again. Tom and B'Elanna took the first shift and he now watched as the other three women spread blankets they had salvaged from the shuttle out on the ground. He waited until they were asleep before going to perch himself on a boulder underneath a tree.

From this spot he could see for miles on the grassy plains that were bathed in pale moonlight. If the situation were different, if they weren't trying to survive, then he might have actually been able to appreciate its beauty. He decided that he was going to ingrain every last detail into his memory so when he did make it back to _Voyager _he could recreate the scene in a holodeck program. The warm flowery breeze was quite intoxicating and it did have a romantic quality to it. The sky seemed to stretch for ever and the stars were dazzling. He thought back to what Tamah had said earlier that this had once been a beautiful rainforest. During the day it hadn't been that beautiful to him because of the heat, but now, staring out at the night sky, it was absolutely breathtaking. It was scenes like this that had made him want to be a pilot, to soar up to those dazzling stars and fly among them.

His first kiss had been underneath moonlight. He had spent hours reading by the moonlight near his window in his childhood bedroom. When he had been in prison, the moonlight had made him feel not so small and inferior like he did throughout the torturous day doing mindless labor for the Federation.

Tom sucked in a deep breath of the sweet air, listening to what was the Delta Quadrant equivalent of crickets chirping their songs in the distance. For a moment he was transported away from this dangerous planet, back to Earth.

"Mind if I join you?"

He opened his eyes to see Sarah standing above him, her dark hair looking almost navy in the pale moonlight. "Sure," he said, scooting over so she could join him on the rock. "I thought you were going to try to get some sleep."

Sarah settled her body down onto the boulder with him. "I couldn't, the ground was too hard."

"Well, I'm glad that you're picky when it comes to where you sleep," Tom chuckled. "At least now I have some company."

"To be honest, I didn't want to be alone," Sarah admitted.

He knew what was bothering her, the vision of Captain Janeway and Dellon Casius earlier. Tom gently put his arm around her and was happy when she didn't shy away from the embrace. "If Tamah is right, we'll be at the colony by early morning. We'll find the Captain and _Voyager _will come to get us and we'll look back on this in the years to come as one bad camping trip."

She let out a little sigh. "I'm not so sure Tom. I get the impression that I'm being led down a wrong path." She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't understand it myself, so don't ask how I know. Ever since that Gerroan attack I've felt that things were out of place some how. Maybe we never should have gotten involved, no matter how much we believe it's wrong what the Gerroan are doing to the Kreyole. After all, isn't that why we have a Prime Directive in the first place? So we don't go sticking our noses in anyone else's business and get ourselves killed?"

"Hey, no one's been killed," Tom assured her. "For all we know, Captain Janeway is back on _Voyager _wondering where the hell we are. She'll probably pick us a part for not getting to safety right away and instead going to look for her when we weren't sure she was here."

Sarah snuggled closer into his embrace. "I wish I could believe that, Tom," she whispered. Suddenly she felt very tired, the day's events finally beginning to wear her down. Her eyes felt heavy as she slipped deeper into the comfort of Tom's arm. It wouldn't hurt to rest her eyes for a few moments.

Tom felt her head drop to his shoulder and glancing to his left he saw that she was falling asleep. Slowly he raised his hand to her hair, chancing his fingers to run through it. She murmured, smiled slightly, but didn't protest. He thought back to the night they had sat in the lab on _Voyager, _after the failed transwarp run, how she had melted against him and let him comfort her. Comforting her in return comforted him. It felt good to hold her against him like this, in the peaceful moonlight of an alien world. For a few moments the worries of the day seemed to disappear in the pale moonlight.

And even though he knew he was supposed to be a look-out, he couldn't resist the urge to close his eyes himself so he could engrain it in his memory what it felt like to sleep with her in his arms. He thought he only drifted for a few seconds, but when he was being shaken awake by Tamah, announcing that she had found another short range transporter, the first pale lights of morning were beginning to creep into the sky.

He blinked his eyes, looking at the red head. "Another short range transporter?" Sarah stirred next to him, opening her eyes slightly. "Where?" Tom asked, shifting about to sit up straighter but at the same time trying to do it gently so Sarah wouldn't fall to the ground.

"Not far, it should only take us a few minutes to walk," Tamah replied.

"Walk, where?" Sarah asked sleepily.

"Short range transporter, it can carry us the rest of the way to the colony."

Sarah's eyes shot open then with intense curiosity. "There's another one?"

Tamah nodded her head. "When I saw that Tom dozed off, I took his watch shift and did a little wandering. There's another abandoned Gerroan settlement not far from here. There's a working short range transporter that can take us the rest of the way to the colony. If we go now, we'll get there before sun up."

Tom watched as a contemplative look came over Sarah's face. He knew that she was feeling like she was being misled, but at the same time, she had told him she knew that Captain Janeway was in trouble. Did they continue to follow Tamah's advice? Something suddenly screamed at Tom, imploring him to tell Sarah not to order them to use the transporter. He wanted to grab her by the shoulders and make her face him, but she was already on her feet, setting her jaw. He knew what that meant, he had seen that look before; she had made up her mind and there was no turning her away from it.

"Get the others," she ordered Tom, before walking away with Tamah.

Tom blinked, watching as the two women walked way, disappearing in the predawn twilight.

"Lieutenant Paris," B'Elanna Torres gruff voice said. "I do not like this."

He pulled his long body up off the ground and stood with their Klingon security guard. "Neither do I, but Sarah's in charge. She knows what she's doing."

"That isn't what I'm worried about, Lieutenant," B'Elanna replied. "I know that Lieutenant Barrett is a capable officer, but something has bothered me since we landed here on this planet. She hasn't been herself, especially since that attack; she's quick to take unnecessary risks and she hasn't listened to one bit of advice from the rest of us but Tamah when it was clear from the beginning that she didn't like the woman. Don't you find it odd Lieutenant?"

Tom shrugged his shoulders. It was true that he found it odd that she hadn't argued about Tamah going with them, about the short range transporters, when it was clear from the beginning that she didn't like her. "Maybe it's the stress."

"She's been stressed before," B'Elanna pointed out. "A ship's counselor is supposed to be the voice of reason, she hasn't shown that here. Every decision she makes seems to go beyond reason. I think we need to make a stand, sir, before it gets too out of control."

He was getting angry. "Listen, Ensign, you may have all of your memories in tact, but _you _haven't been around long enough to understand the situation. We're alone out here in this forsaken quadrant that seems hell bent on destroying itself. Now, Klingons, you'd probably revel in this type of situation, see the glory; let me tell you, there isn't any glory out here! We only have ourselves to rely on and if we start questioning that, we have nothing at all."

Her dark eyes held his glare. "And if we die we have nothing at all."

Tom let out a breath of air into the cool night to calm himself. "We're too involved now, B'Elanna, to turn back."

B'Elanna's face became as soft as it could for a Klingon. "I hope for our sakes, Lieutenant, that this isn't a fatal decision."

"Me too," Tom mumbled as he made his way through the limited light. He secured his medkit and weapon, keeping one eye fixed on B'Elanna striding next to him and the other on Sarah's drained face. Maybe Torres was right, perhaps she wasn't thinking clearly. He thought back to their first encounter with the Gerroan, how she hadn't slept for days, how she had worn her emotions on her sleeve and Casius had played her because of it. But she had changed since then. She had learned to keep her emotions in check when it came to being on duty, could she really be vulnerable to falling for another trap? Could he? Tom had been there when Casius had pulled the wool over their eyes.

Kes was suddenly walking next to him, her small form matching him stride for stride. "I have to agree with B'Elanna. Sarah hasn't been herself since we got here…something…is pulling her in this direction."

"The visions?" Tom ventured.

"Yes," Kes nodded her head. "But I think there's more, she asked me the moment we got here if I felt anything out of place, that she was having trouble reading this planet. I told her no. I didn't think anything of it until recently. Tom, the Kreyole are highly telepathic, it's possible that they're responsible for her sudden lack of reasoning."

Tom stiffened. "Mind control?"

"Maybe," Kes said.

"Why would the Kreyole want to manipulate Sarah?" Tom pondered.

"They might not all be as victimized and vulnerable as we think they are," Kes offered as they joined Sarah and Tamah, silencing their conversation.

He wanted to talk more about it, but not with Tamah present and perhaps not with Sarah present. Tom was going to have to bury his worries deep down inside, even if he kept one hand lightly on the handle of his phaser. The walk to the second short range transporter that had miraculously fallen in their lap was subdued. It was almost as if all of them were expecting doom to befall them. Tom had to admit that even his thoughts, usually positive, where beginning to turn dark. If Sarah was right, that Captain Janeway was dying, what kind of condition would they find her in? Would she already be dead? And if B'Elanna was right, that Sarah was being misled into a trap or Kes' that she was under some form of mind control, what horrors laid in wait for them?

He shook his thoughts off with a little shake of his head, unnoticed by his travel companions in the early morning light. He had to keep his mind clear incase something _did _go wrong. It would do them all no good if his head wasn't focused on the task at hand.

The settlement that Tamah claimed there was a short range transporter looked very much like the one they had been in yesterday. Buildings were abandoned, decaying, with Gerroan symbols faintly painted on walls. Tom felt a chill run down his spine as he thought about the story Tamah had told them, about the Nydians and their biological weapon, how the Kreyole had been blamed for the weapon's use; how this whole terrible purge had started. Were they just pawns in a bigger game he wondered as he stepped onto the pad.

Sunlight was just beginning to peek into the room, promising another hot day. He hoped that today brought _Voyager, _brought a cold shower to wash the grim of this planet away.

Tamah had set the coordinates and was climbing up onto the pad. But this time instead of a sly smile and a brush against Tom's leg, she stood a good distance away from the group on the pad, her eyes cast downward. There wasn't a lot of time to think about this change in attitude; the beam was sweeping them up. But there was something different about this beam. Tom felt the familiar tingling sensation of being transported, however, with this familiar sensation, came an unfamiliar, with transportation anyway, disoriented sensation as well, as if he was drugged or drunk.

When he came out of the beam he stumbled, a large, powerful hand yanked him to his feet and tore the phaser from his holster. He heard the shuffling of feet, Kes gasp as she was pushed against a wall. His vision was blurry and his stomach felt like it was about to heave up the contents of the ration pack he had ate that night. There were several large men standing in the room with them, faces unable to distinguish due to his disoriented state. Slowly he regained his bearings and the men in the room came into focus. He felt his body jolt with shock and horror at the same time. Sarah let out a little cry from his side as one of the men stepped forward, a triumphant grin on his face.

"Hello Lieutenants, we meet again."

* * *


	63. Chapter 63

* * *

Chakotay watched as Kathryn struggled with her breathing. It wouldn't be long now, he knew this. Her battle was slowly coming to an end, a painful end. The trouble breathing had started just before sunrise. Now the sun was streaming into the room, promising another warm day in their personal hell. Chakotay felt hopeless watching her struggle. All night she had drifted from reality to delusion, several times believing that he was her late husband and pleading with him to take care of her children.

He fought his tears as her eyes opened to look at him. "Chakotay," she said her voice nothing but a husky whisper. "Take care of Michael and Ava, please; I need to know they won't be alone."

The room seemed to get darker, smaller; before when she had asked him to take care of the children, it had always been under the delusion that he was Bryan Dawson, but now, now she was asking _him. _"Kathryn, they won't be alone," he told her, clinging desperately to her hand. "They won't be alone because you'll be there. You just have to fight!" He struggled to lift her up, cradling her upper body in his arms. Her head nestled into the crook and she smiled faintly up at him, but it was a sad smile, the smile of a woman who knew she was at her end.

"I can't fight anymore, Chakotay," she answered, her finger reaching up to trace the lines of his tattoo. "You'll make it, I know you will, you'll see Earth again."

"And you will too," he argued. In his desperate state he reasoned if he kept her arguing with him she would be fine. "We'll make it there together, Kathryn."

"Chakotay, I'm tired, I can't fight anymore. The children Chakotay, they need someone to take care of them," Kathryn cried, large tears rolling down her cheeks. "I can't think of anyone else on that ship I would want to watch over them but you. Please….please do it, for me, if not for them?"

_Oh, gods this is it, this is the end I've feared. _Chakotay tried to keep his churning emotions in check. He wanted so desperately to keep her alive, if not for her children and her crew, but for him. She had changed him so completely and he had finally and fully begun to realize what and how much that meant to him. She couldn't leave him now, not when this discovery had been made. Closing his eyes to stop his tears he took a shuddering breath. And then his eyes snapped open, locked with hers, knowing that these could very well be the last words he spoke to her. "I promise, Ava and Michael will see Earth again, I promise you Kathryn they'll be taken care of."

A grateful smile spread across her face as her eyes slipped shut and her body became limp in his arms. Chakotay clung to her, wanting to curse whatever spirit had caused the horrible turn of events; had ripped this woman away from so many people that cared for her. He lowered his head and silently grieved, knowing now that she had fallen into a coma, _Voyager _would never get there in time before Kathryn Janeway lost her battle.

* * *

Sarah felt her chest constrict with a sudden fear. When the dizzy sensation had worn off and her senses had realigned she found herself standing in the middle of a room with five Gerroan soldiers. Their weapons were immediately taken away and B'Elanna and Kes were thrown against a wall. Tom hovered near her right shoulder. The faces of the soldiers came into focus finally after what felt like a bad hangover wore off. Two of them were still shrouded in darkness. And then a guttural laugh emanated from the back of the group of Gerroan. A large form stepped forward, chuckling until his face came into the light. She couldn't help the gasp that escaped her lips.

"Hello Lieutenants, we meet again," Dellon Casius said with one of his triumphant, arrogant grins. He fixed his dark eyes on Sarah and moved closer, reaching out he took her chin in his grasp. "The priests told me if I was patient I would find you, even if I helped that patience along a little." Releasing her chin he turned towards Tamah, who by Gerroan law should have been shot dead upon coming out of the transport beam, this much Sarah and Tom knew from their previous encounter. "You're released Tamah. We've provided a shuttle for you so you can rejoin your colony."

B'Elanna growled. "I knew it."

"Everything…you did for us was a cover wasn't it?" Tom snapped, still hovering around Sarah. "The short range transporters, the offer to come with us as our guide, all of that was just to deliver us into _his _hands, wasn't it?" He felt angry that he hadn't realized it sooner, angry that he let her crush on him flatter him.

Tamah looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry, Tom. I was only supposed to lead Lieutenant Barrett here. Supreme Commander Casius assumed she would order you back to _Voyager. _You and the others weren't apart of the deal."

"Deal?" Tom snapped. "You make it sound like we're nothing but objects to be traded away!"

"We were here to help you, and this is how you repay us!" B'Elanna yelled, her face flushing, "by throwing us to the dogs?"

Casius chuckled turning the others attention to him. "You make it sound so…simple, Miss…Torres I'm assuming…you look a bit different since the last time I've seen you, but never mind, that is of a little importance. I knew that I couldn't just show up and claim my…prize on my own. I needed help. The Kreyole are the perfect lure to bring in the fish. You Federation seem to come flying in at a moments notice when a race is in trouble, look at what you did for the Ocampa." He gestured towards Kes. "No, I needed to make sure that Sarah would come here."

"The visions," Sarah said, in a husky whisper to Tamah, "you implanted them, you swayed my decisions." The young counselor clenched her fists tightly. Tamah should be grateful that the Gerroan officers had taken away their weapons, or Sarah was certain she would have shot her and faced the consequences from Janeway later.

"It was mind control then," Kes realized.

"Yes, it was a crude form of mind control," Tamah answered, sternly looking at Sarah. "It wasn't easy. Her conscious was always suspicious that something else was going on but her abilities are…immature. She couldn't push me out."

"The short range transporters then, those were rigged along the way as well, weren't they?" Sarah said, trying to hold her emotions in check.

Casius smiled wickedly. "Did you expect any less from me Miss Barrett? Of course the transporters were rigged, this last one with a neural agent to make you slightly disoriented so my men could subdue you."

Sarah's eyes were burning with rage, with betrayal, even with a twinge of fear. Tom could see her unclench her fists as she rounded her shoulders on Tamah. "I can understand why he did this. It's no secret that there's no love between us, but you Tamah? What has _Voyager _done to you to warrant such betrayal?"

"I did it for my people," Tamah answered, raising her chin in defiance. "_Voyager _has no knowledge of what we go through and yet you think you can just come here and change an entire quadrant with your Starfleet ways. It doesn't work that way, out here you do what you have to do to survive even if that path isn't always the honorable one. Because I did this my people are flying into Nydian space unharmed and untouched. They will be able to live out the rest of their lives in peace and not fear what tomorrow is going to bring."

Tom wanted to rip her heart out. They had trusted her and her people. Had Walen and the rest of his settlement been in on this handing over of them? "I'm glad that your conscience is clear," he sneered.

Sarah held a hand up to silence him, turning about she faced Casius. "So, now that you have us, what are going to do with us? Use us as hostages to get _Voyager?_ Perhaps extract a little revenge because we pulled the wool over your eyes and allied with your _enemy?_ What is that you want us for Supreme Commander; because it appears we are in a situation where we can only do as you wish."

"Ever the diplomat Sarah," Casius replied. "I didn't want your colleagues. Prophets know I've had quite all I can take of Lieutenant Paris and Miss Torres. What I wanted Tamah to do was to bring me you. And now that I have you and some added bonuses, I'll make do with them. I'm sure Captain Janeway would be willing to negotiate with me now. She is a stubborn woman but I think with our combined efforts we'll get her to cooperate."

"What makes you think I'm going to cooperate with you?" Sarah asked, coolly.

Long fingers grasped the handle of a phaser. Casius grinned as he raised it, pointing the barrel directly at Tom Paris' chest. "Because, if you don't cooperate, Lieutenant Barrett, I'll kill him." He saw the fear that flashed across her cool command stance, knew that Tamah's information had been very reliable. "So, it's true, you care for him."

Sarah tried to find her command center but found that it was disappearing and fast. "He's my friend; of course I care about him."

Casius' dark eyes seemed to gleam with an evil joy. "Is that all Sarah? You maybe able to bury your emotions and hide them from your crewmates, but to Tamah you wear your emotions on your sleeve. She knows it's more than just friendship. There's something that you should have learned about me Sarah from our time together, and that is that I always have an extra card to play. If you aren't going to cooperate with me outright, then I'll pull my card out." He waved the blaster for good measure.

Tears finally began to spring in her eyes. "What do you want me to do, Casius? Get down onto my knees and beg for his life?"

"I'm glad that you asked that question, Lieutenant."

Sarah felt cornered. He was using her feelings for Tom to get what he wanted from her, whatever that maybe, and she was sure that she would give it to him, to save Tom and the others. Because if she refused and he killed Tom he would just point his weapon at Kes and then B'Elanna, until finally she was the only one left to shoot. She wasn't about to let her colleagues die because she refused his wishes.

"Come with me to Gerroa Prime."

Tom immediately grabbed her by the shoulders. "Don't do it Sarah! Don't throw your life away with this mad man just to save me!" He shook her for good measure, hoping to shake some sense into her. "Life on _Voyager_ without me is far better than any life on Gerroa Prime!"

A lone tear made its way down her cheek. "I won't be responsible for your death, Tom." Forcefully she removed his hands from her shoulders. Biting back more tears that were threatening to fall, she raised her chin slightly. "If I'm going with you, you have to promise me one thing, Casius."

"And that is?"

"You let my friends go," she said.

Casius didn't look happy about that prospect. Sarah knew it came down to what he wanted more, her or all of them. In the end, he wanted her more. "Very well," he told her after a painful moment of silence. "Gaffa, take the others outside, they can use the shuttle to send a message to their ship."

The second in command stepped forward, grabbed a hold of Tom's arm and began to force him out of the room, but Tom fought back, striking at the Gerroan solider with a furious force that sent the large man to the ground. "Sarah, this is crazy! Don't do this! You know he won't keep up his end of the bargain! What do you think is going to happen once _Voyager _arrives? He's going to destroy them, Sarah!"

Sarah averted her eyes so she wouldn't have to look at him. "Go Tom, that's an order."

"Well then, I have to disobey your orders, _ma'am._"

"I grow tired of this, Mister Paris," Casius said, waving his hand at the other troops to help Gaffa remove the man. He had not traveled this far out of his territory, tracking Sarah, to let the upstart pilot terminate his plans. Sarah was going back to New Gerroa with him whether Tom Paris liked it or not. "Either you take my generous offer to allow you access to communications so you can be rescued, or we do this hard way." The blaster was placed in Tom's view, the barrel not pointed directly at him, but it would only take a swift move to kill the human male.

Tom wouldn't budge, even when the Gerroan soldiers tried to remove him. "Sarah," he pleaded with her to come to her senses. Was she still under Tamah's mind control? "Listen to me Sarah; you don't have to do this!" The soldiers finally over powered him and he was being pulled out the door. "He only wants you for his own purposes Sarah! He doesn't care about you like me or the crew!"

Sarah chanced a look at him being pulled out the door, certain this was the last time she'd see him. She wished that she could make him understand her choice. _Voyager— _Tom was more important than her freedom. He kept trying to reason with her until finally Casius pulled out his weapon. It happened so fast Sarah wasn't even sure she screamed. Casius fired the blaster, a direct shot at Tom. She saw his face pale as the blast got closer and then someone slammed into him, throwing him to the ground. Tom grunted as his body impacted with the dry earth, shattering a few ribs. Sarah tried to get to him and the figure on the ground in the doorway but Casius gripped her arm like a vice.

"Leave them," he ordered his men. "They've chosen to die. Gaffa get us out of here."

Sarah struggled to get out of his grasp but it was useless as a transporter beam swept her up. She collapsed onto a hard deck when she came out of the beam and landed on all fours. For the longest time she didn't move, not until she heard movement besides her and glanced to her left. Kes was sitting on the floor next to her and beyond her was Tom nursing his rib cage. Pushing herself up into a sitting position she glanced around the room. It wasn't a Gerroan ship. In fact, she wasn't sure where they were now. "Kes? Tom?"

"Yes, Lieutenant, we're here," Kes answered her. "Although, I'm not sure where here is."

"You're on the Nydian ship,_Tutis,_" a voice said above them. All three of them looked up startled at the newcomer. He was tall and lean, with alabaster skin and pale blonde hair. "Forgive me, I'm Captain Henu; Mister Walen asked for my assistance. He contacted me two days ago and said that you were still on planet. He had suspicions that one of his people was going to hand you over to the Gerroan."

"His suspicions were correct," Tom mumbled, painfully.

Sarah got to her feet and held her hand out to Henu. "Lieutenant Sarah Barrett, _U.S.S_ _Voyager._"

"Ah," Henu said, shaking her hand. "You're the young lady that Casius has been tracking all over the sector."

"Apparently so," Sarah replied with a shiver. She looked at her colleagues and realized that B'Elanna was missing. "Forgive me, Captain, but one of our crewmates is missing, a woman, B'Elanna Torres."

Henu nodded his head. "Yes we transported her to our medical bay. Our scans indicated that she was seriously injured. You'll find her there with two others from your crew. I can bring you to them if you'd like, Lieutenant."

Sarah and Tom exchanged glances. "You said you have two of our colleagues here?"

The Captain of the Nydian ship nodded his head. "Yes, a man and woman. The man was extremely dehydrated and the woman, well, she's barely alive. Our medical staff is treating both of them at this moment."

"I'd like to speak to them," Sarah told Henu.

"Right this way," Henu said, gesturing for her to follow him. Tom and Kes stumbled to their feet to join them.

"Can I ask a question," Tom said, limping along. "How come the Gerroan haven't beamed us to their ship yet?"

"We have cloaking technology that they cannot detect," Henu replied. "We're already a parsec away from them. They won't be able to track us."

Sarah felt little relief as they stepped into the lift to go to the medical bay. Casius wouldn't give up so easily. He would come after her and _Voyager _and he wouldn't rest until he had obtained what he wanted. This thought sent a shiver up her spine. In retrospect, she wouldn't change what she had been about to do, not if it meant saving Tom, Kes, and B'Elanna, and perhaps the whole crew of _Voyager, _but now that she got to dwell on it, it frightened her what Casius wanted her for. "We thank you for your assistance. I'm sure our Captain would be willing to compensate you for your time that it takes to bring us to our ship."

Henu smiled warmly at her. "It's not a problem, Lieutenant. We maybe enemies of the Gerroan, but we are friends and allies to anyone that oppose them. Consider it a favor that does not have to be repaid."

She nodded her head in gratitude as they stepped off the lift and wound their way through copper colored corridors. They stopped outside of two large frosted glass doors that parted when approached. The room they entered was large, scattered with state of the art medical equipment. There were several large biobeds but none of them were occupied and it made the officers and Kes nervous. It meant that their colleagues were more seriously injured then they had been led to believe. "Captain Henu, I thought you said our people were here?"

"They are, this way," he gestured towards another room.

When they stepped through the doors again all three of them froze. Captain Janeway was laying on a surgical bed, three doctors working on her legs that appeared to be non salvageable. Her skin was pale, more so than usual for the fair skinned woman, and her uniform was soaked with blood. "Oh my god," Sarah gasped, all command training thrown to the wind. She rushed to an open side of the bed and tried to find the woman that had been the only one in Starfleet for the longest time that had believed in her, but she got nothing when she reached out to her telepathically. Tears began to cloud her vision as the physician started to talk to her.

"She's suffered massive trauma. We're doing everything we can to save her legs, but she's going to need extensive therapy. It could take her weeks to be able to walk again," he told the group of _Voyager _colleagues. "If you want you can join your friend in my office. He was pretty torn up about this, I suppose being trapped with her for such a long time and with very little water, that will happen."

"What about my security officer?" Sarah asked, softly dreading the answer.

The doctor's look became solemn. "I'm afraid that we couldn't help her. She died when the blast hit her."

Now Sarah's tears flowed freely. B'Elanna had died to save Tom; she had died doing her duty which had been to protect Sarah's away team. And now there was no time to thank her. Everything was a mess; Captain Janeway was probably going to die and they had no idea if _Voyager _was alright. For all she knew, she had been misled so much the last two days, _Voyager _was gone. Wiping furiously at her eyes, she whispered. "I need to contact my ship."

"I'll arrange it," Henu said. He held his arm out and Sarah went to follow him, with one last look back at Janeway.

Tom and Kes watched her leave before taking the doctor's offer up to sit in his office. They weren't surprised to find Chakotay, disheveled and looking terrible seated at the doctor's desk. "Commander," Tom greeted softly not wanting to startle him.

Chakotay looked at the two. "Tom, Kes," he said, hoarsely. "Where's Sarah?"

"She went with Henu to contact _Voyager._"

The First Officer nodded his head. "Good," he said. "Good, I'm in no shape to do so."

Tom could clearly see that was so. He looked about the room for a place to sit and decided on the comfortable looking sofa across from the desk. He folded his hands in his lap for a moment before venturing to speak. "We weren't sure if you and the Captain were still on planet when the Gerroan attacked."

Chakotay's eyes were still distant. "We thought it was an earthquake. We were underground. The roof caved in. Kathryn was caught underneath it." It was the first time Tom had heard Chakotay refer to the Captain by her first name. He silently pondered this while the first officer continued to talk. "I tried to keep her hopes up but she slowly slipped into a delusional state where she didn't even know who I was anymore. Paris," he said, finally looking at the pilot, "if she dies, _Voyager _will never survive, no matter how much she thinks we can."

Tom had to admit the older man was right. He didn't see _Voyager _surviving without Janeway. With a look at Kes he set his jaw and said, "Well then, I guess her dying isn't an option. And if I know Kathryn Janeway, she isn't done fighting just yet."

* * *


	64. Chapter 64

* * *

_Voyager _almost seemed foreign to Tom Paris after all he had been through the last two days. Tuvok was there to greet them with his Vulcan coldness as the away teams were beamed back on board their ship. Even the sight of Kathryn Janeway in a medical capsule did nothing to faze the chief tactical officer. He nodded his head and greeted each of them with a simple stoic statement of their rank, but Chakotay didn't budge from the pad to ask for a report. For a moment looks passed between Tom, Sarah, and Kes, before Sarah finally took the initiative that was the first officer's. "Could we have a report Commander; it's been a few days since we've been on _Voyager, _sir."

The Vulcan nodded his head puzzled as to why Chakotay had not ordered it and Sarah had been the one to request it. "We picked up Gerroan activity two days ago and were on our way to retrieve the away teams when Captain Henu and the Nydians contacted us. The ship, Miss Barrett, is precisely as you left it. Shall I have the Captain transported to sickbay, Commander Chakotay?"

Chakotay seemed to come to life finally after several seconds of being absent. The others had noticed it on the short time on the Nydian ship. Their doctors figured he was suffering from a mild form of post traumatic stress and that it would pass. Sarah sensed that it was more. Something was weighing heavily on the Commander's chest, something of a personal nature that perhaps Captain Janeway had asked of him during their entrapment. "Yes," Chakotay rasped out. "The Nydian doctors have done all they can, the rest is up to our doctor."

"Very well," Tuvok said, gesturing for the crewman at the controls to beam the Captain to sickbay. He paused for a moment before giving the final order. "Commander, will you be going with her?"

"No," he said almost a little too forcefully. "No," he repeated, this time more softly seeing the looks on his colleagues faces. "There's something else that I have to tend too."

"As you wish, sir," Tuvok replied, finally giving the order for the Captain to be transported to sickbay.

They watched in silence as her capsule disappeared. Kes quietly informed them that she should report to sickbay to assist the Doctor and left the transporter room. Tuvok slid his arms behind his back getting the impression that there was something more that the remainder of the away team was not telling him. But patience would prevail and he would know sooner or later what was on their minds. Chakotay was the first one to get it off his chest. "Any sign of the Gerroan?"

"None in this sector, sir."

Sarah let out a little sigh of relief. At least for now _Voyager _was safe, but she knew Casius would be back looking for her. Perhaps her narrow escape had only added to his fascination of her. She didn't know why he was so drawn to her, she could never keep her emotions in check and they had already been used against her on several occasions. She thought of Tamah's mind control and bit hard on her lip. If one Kreyole woman could manipulate her into doing whatever she wanted Sarah to do, then other telepaths could do the same. She had to learn to combat it…somehow.

"Sarah, Tom, report to sickbay," Chakotay was ordering. She had not been aware that Tuvok had been speaking to them. "Lana isn't going to like what the Doctor has to say, and with the Captain injured he's going to need all the help he can get. Tuvok, report back to the bridge and set a course as far away from this sector as possible. I want to put it behind me," he snapped, stalking out of the transporter room.

Putting it behind him wasn't going to be as simple as it sounded. The Nydian doctors had informed him that Kathryn wasn't going to lose her legs but it was going to be awhile before she was playing velocity again. In fact, they had recommended that the crew of _Voyager _find a nice planet to settle down on for a bit of shore leave while their commanding officer recovered. They had offered their home world, but Chakotay wanted to get as far away as he could from anything or anyone that had something to do with the Gerroan or the Kreyole. As nice as the Nydians had been to them they were still a part of the fold in this terrible holy war.

So they would have to take some time off that was fine, spirits knew the crew needed the rest. He would get to work right away with Neelix on finding a suitable planet. There was something else that he had to tend to first, something for Kathryn. He stepped into a turbo lift alone and commanded, "Deck three."

The lift came to life and began to ascend. Chakotay lowered his head listening to its soothing sounds as it rose. The cellar had been too quiet once Kathryn had fallen into the coma and he was certain that if the Nydians had not shown up when they did, she would have been dead by the time _Voyager _found them. A shiver ran up his spine at the very thought, of having to face Tuvok, the crew…the children…and informing them all that she had passed on. What would their reactions have been? Would they have blamed him?

He stepped out of the lift when it came to a stop and the doors opened. For a while he stared down the corridor of deck three knowing exactly where he had to go and not wanting to go there. He walked as if in a trance to his destination and reached out to press the door chime.

"Commander Chakotay!" Tal Celes greeted happily when he stepped into the Janeways' quarters. "Welcome back, sir."

"It's good to be back," Chakotay said through a forced smile. "Are the children here?"

"They are, I was just about to put Ava down for a nap," the nanny answered. "Would you like to see them?"

"Yes, please," Chakotay whispered, going to take a seat on the sofa. He watched as Tal disappeared through Kathryn's bedroom, heard her talking in the nursery and a few moments later Michael came scampering out, a bright, innocent smile on his face. Ava waddled into the room a few seconds after her brother. Chakotay felt a rip at his heart for how close these two innocent lives had almost been shaken to their very core.

"Hi Chakotay," Michael greeted. "Did your trip with Mama go well?"

Chakotay didn't know how to respond. Did he tell them the truth? _I think its best they know the truth, _Kathryn had said that to him once, when they had spoken about her husband's death. "No, it didn't," he said softly, with a strangled tone. "It didn't go well at all."

"Kotay sad?" Ava asked, tilting her head in a way that if he looked hard enough it was her mother at that age.

"Not sad…upset," Chakotay replied, pulling the small girl into his lap.

"About what?" Michael inquired, climbing up onto the sofa with him.

Overcome with a sudden rush of emotions he wrapped his arms tightly about the two children and simply whispered, "I'm sorry, I won't let it happen again; I won't let your mother get hurt like that ever again."

* * *

Harry Kim left his duty station early that day. He had been summoned to sickbay once again. This time not by the Doctor, but by Sarah Barrett, who just the day before had been returned to the ship. He had seen little of his friends since their time on the Kreyole planet, but from the rumors that were floating around the ship, their time there had not been pleasant. Captain Janeway's injuries were an indication of that. Their commanding officer still had not been released from sickbay, still had not woken up from her coma. Harry silently admitted to himself that this thought made him sick to his stomach. Kathryn Janeway was like a mother to him, in a way she was his guiding force, like his parents had been growing up, in the Delta Quadrant. She got them all through the terrible days and awful nights.

But he wasn't going to sickbay to see the Captain. He knew he was going to see Lana. The Doctor had determined that he could use the Klingon DNA from the body of the fallen Torres to reintegrate that part of Lana back into her. She wasn't happy about the idea, and Sarah had been trying to convince her that it was the only way for her to survive. The last Harry had heard was that Sarah had convinced her to go through with the relatively mild procedure.

When he entered sickbay Sarah was sitting on a chair near Lana's biobed, dressed in a black velour dress and leggings. She looked up at the sound of the door opening and smiled faintly at him. Patting Lana's hand, she left the chair and strode to the door. Harry felt a rush of fear then. He grabbed onto her arm as she passed. "You're leaving?"

"Yes," Sarah replied, searching his eyes. "She asked that you be present when she went through the procedure. I'm already late for an appointment."

"What about Chakotay? She doesn't want him here?" Harry stammered.

"No," Sarah said. "She asked for you; besides, Commander Chakotay is watching the children while the Captain is…unable too." For a moment she laid her hand on his shoulder and patted it gently before whispering, "I'm already late for my appointment with Commander Tuvok."

Harry was bewildered by this statement. "Commander Tuvok needs a counselor?"

"No, more like I do," Sarah said, before disappearing through the doors. Harry watched her go before turning towards Lana's biobed.

Tentatively he approached it, not sure what to say to her. She hadn't taken the news that her other half had been killed on the planet well, she had been hoping that the Doctor would come up with some way to keep them as they were, but she had wanted to try to bridge the gap when B'Elanna returned. Harry had sat with her for an hour last night, just holding her hand, listening to her rant and sob about how her life never seemed to go the way she planned it. "Hey."

Lana looked up at him, large brown eyes swimming with tears. If she told the truth she hated this part of her human side that made her cry so easily. She briefly wondered how Sarah and Janeway kept their tears in control when they all had been through so much that made Lana want to burst into sobs. "Hi," she said softly. "Thanks for coming down here. I don't want to be alone when I wake up from this procedure."

"Think of it as you'll be as good as new," Harry said with a smile.

Lana shook her head. "No, I'll be my old self; self loathing and angry. I've never been more at peace than I am now, Harry. All my life I would have done anything to rid myself of my Klingon heritage. And now that it's happened I'm informed that I can't live without it."

"It could be worse," Harry pointed out. "The Doctor may not have been able to put you back together at all."

"You make it sound like I'm broken."

Harry mentally chided himself. _What a stupid thing to say! _"No, I didn't mean it like that. You're not broken Lana, just…dissembled."

"I feel broken," Lana mumbled. "I feel that everything I've accomplished the last five days has meant nothing. She at least died honorably, protecting Tom of all people, but me, I'm going to be humbly _put back together._" She pressed her arm to her forehead. "All the people I've made better friendships with are going to be null and void because they didn't make friends with me as a half Klingon hybrid; they made friends with my human side."

Harry took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Well, I'll still be your friend, because if you remember correctly, I first made friends with you as that half Klingon hybrid; and to be honest with you, I liked her, I liked her a lot."

Lana gave him a grateful look. "So you think, when this is all over…we can still…be friends?"

Harry smiled. "Of course."

_Do you think we could be more? _Lana asked silently, searching his eyes. She was certain that it was becoming more when she was just human, but now that the Klingon half of her was being thrown in the mix, she wasn't sure where their relationship would stand. And she knew that she could never go to Sarah Barrett about this, even if the woman was the resident psychologist. _What does she know about relationships anyways? She can't even figure out her own love life. _Lana closed her eyes for a moment. Her human part wanted to desperately speak to Sarah, to reach out to someone to talk about her problems, but she knew once the Klingon half was back apart of her, she wouldn't seek the help out. Klingon women didn't need counseling; her stubborn pride would keep her from making an appointment with Sarah. Biting down on her lip she returned his gentle squeeze as the holographic doctor stepped up to the bed.

"Lieutenant, I really need to start now," he informed them. "Ensign Kim can wait in my office."

"I'll be here when you wake up," Harry told her as he gave her hand one last squeeze.

Lana returned it. "Thanks Harry," she said with a smile. "I know you will be."

* * *

Tom Paris entered Sandrine's later that night to find the place packed with crewmates. It didn't surprise him that the events they had heard of the last two days were forcing them to seek retreat. He had after all programmed the bar to be a retreat for them. He did notice that he was the only senior officer present. Harry was with Lana in sickbay, Chakotay was playing surrogate mother to the Janeway children while the Captain recovered, Tuvok was on the bridge, and Sarah, well, Tom wasn't sure where Sarah was. The computer couldn't locate her. She must have removed her combadge.

He sighed, fingering the bracelet hidden in the empty holster for his phaser. Making his way into the bar he ordered a beer and went to join the group of junior officers playing pool. If his friends were not around to enjoy the evening with him, then Tom would just have to make do. He was lining up his first shoot when he noticed her in the back of the room, hidden in a corner, nursing a glass of wine. Handing his cue off to Gaunt Gary, Tom proceeded towards the table.

Not even asking if he could join her, Tom sat down across from Sarah Barrett. "You took your combadge off."

Sarah shrugged her shoulders. "I wanted to be alone."

"Good thing there isn't a ship wide morale crisis," Tom tried teasing her but his efforts at humor were met with a fierce glance. "Sorry, just trying to cheer you up. Don't pretend that what happened on that planet didn't bother you, because I know you Sarah, you're scared to death."

Truer words had never been spoken. Sarah could still see Casius' triumphant face as he looked upon his prey and the fact that she had been controlled by Tamah only added to the fear. "Alright, I'll admit, I'm scared; terrified actually that it isn't going to stop here. Casius is a man used to getting what he wants and if there are more Kreyole out there like Tamah, _Voyager _is in real danger. And there just might not be any way of stopping it."

"What has you more upset, the fact that Casius wants you for his own little games or Tamah's mind control?" Tom asked her.

Sarah felt tears begin to creep into her eyes. "Both."

"There was nothing you could have done about Tamah. The Doctor discovered that we all were under some from of mind control at one point," Tom reminded her.

"But I was the one she focused on, the one that could have very well pushed her out," Sarah said. "I won't let it happen again."

Something dawned on him then. "That's why you went to see Tuvok today; he's teaching you how to block unwanted presences, isn't he?"

"Yes," Sarah answered an angry look coming into her eyes. "I'm not going to be bullied by the Kreyole or the Gerroan again."

Tom grabbed her hand offering silent support and then slipped his hand into the holster that held the bracelet. Gently he took it out, opening her hand up so her palm was facing the ceiling. "By the way," he said, placing the silver bracelet into her hand, "you lost something on that Viidian transport. Sorry that it took so long to get it back to you, but you know how it goes, I had to write reports and go through medical exams; there just wasn't time."

She looked down at the bracelet that glittered in the low light of the bar. Tears clouded her vision as she looked upon the last gift her father had ever given her. "My bracelet," she whispered, closing her fingers around it. The flow of salty tears began when she raised her eyes to look at him. "I thought it was gone forever, lost on that Viidian ship. I…I had to leave it behind if I wanted to get out of the restraints."

Tom reached out and flicked a tear away with his finger. "I found it when we went looking for you. At the time I thought you were dead, I believed it was the only thing I had left of you." Suddenly she had launched herself into his arms. The impact of her weight upon him almost toppled his chair over, but he managed to keep it from falling and allowed her to settle herself into his lap. Her arms were wrapped tightly about his neck and he smiled to himself how good it felt to have her in his arms like this.

"Thank you," she whispered into his ear. It was one of the most beautiful sounds he had heard and he would have given anything for the moment to last forever, but as with all good things, they have to come to an end, and in this case, the end came when Tuvok called for all senior officers to report to the briefing room.

The ship's counselor and helmsman broke apart, making their way to the turbo lift. Tom noticed that Sarah fastened the bracelet back onto her wrist, where she kept it at all times before she had been resorted to parting with it to save her life and B'Elanna's. She was also wiping furiously at her eyes, trying to hide any indication that she had been crying. It would not be professional of her to walk into a meeting with the senior staff looking like she had just had a good cry. Smiling he reached a hand out to help her when they were in the lift, wiping away several tears that still lingered on her cheeks. When the lift deposited them on deck one there was no sign of the tears.

Sarah led the way to the briefing room where they found Tuvok, Chakotay and Harry Kim waiting for them. It had to been pretty important if Chakotay had taken time out from caring for Ava and Michael to report to a late night meeting.

He wasted no time starting it up. "I'll make this quick, since it's so late." The first officer pressed a button and Dellon Casius' face filled the view screen on the wall. "We received this about an hour ago; it was address to you Sarah." He pressed another button and the message began to play.

"Hello Sarah," Casius voice drawled. "I'm sure you think you're clever for getting away from me again. I just wanted to let you know that this is not over. I'll find you; you will be joining me on Gerroa Prime, sooner or later, Sarah." He smiled a smile that sent a shiver down her spine. "Until then, Lieutenant, may the prophets bless you."

The officers exchanged glances and Sarah knew Casius was right, it was far from over and she had a feeling that it was going to end badly.

* * *


	65. Chapter 65: Paradise Lost

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: **Maja **I added this to the beginning just for you and yes there will be more additions like this! For everyone else, this is my version of _Jetrel._ We're getting closer and closer to new stuff! Yay!

* * *

_**PARADISE**** LOST**_

"Mama's really sick, isn't she?"

"Why do you say that?" Sarah Barrett questioned back, stalling. The two were in the schoolroom eating a late morning snack, waiting for Tal and Ava to come pick Michael Janeway up. The boy was catching up quickly that something bad had happened to his mother while on the last away mission, three days had gone by since the away team had returned to _Voyager, _and Kathryn Janeway had spent everyone in sickbay.

"Commander Chakotay moved into our quarters," Michael responded, munching on his apple. "He brought his razor and everything."

"That doesn't mean your mother is sick," Sarah replied, leaning back in her chair slightly. "Just…unable to care for you at the time being."

Michael shot her a funny look. "She isn't working…I asked the computer where she was, it said sickbay. You only go there if you're sick."

_Touche, _Sarah thought. The child was bright. Chakotay had skirted around the issue that their mother had been injured in the Gerroan attack, just told the children that she was hurt. Hurt, however could mean anything to a child, a simple paper cut could mean hurt to a child. "Yes, your mother is sick, but she's going to be alright. The Doctor is taking care of her."

"She could get sick again."

"We don't know what's going to happen, Michael. She might not get hurt again. But I can't gurantee that."

"Chakotay did."

Sarah quirked an eyebrow. "He did?" she inquired.

"He promised to keep her safe."

She nearly cursed out. Hollow promises were not something that the first officer should be offering up so freely, especially to a five year old boy and a one year old girl. Closing her eyes for a moment she took a calming breath, she'd have to speak to Chakotay about this later. "Michael, it isn't that simple. As humans we have no control over what lies ahead. We can try to protect ourselves from getting hurt but a promise to keep someone safe doesn't set it in stone that the person is going to be safe."

Michael's little eyes filled with an intense fear. "But Mama's all we have left! _Voyager _needs her! She can't die!"

Sarah chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment, a nervous habit she had developed years ago. "I told you earlier that she's going to be fine. She needs to rest in sickbay for a few days before coming home and going back to work."

"What happens to us if she dies? Are me and Ava going to be left behind somewhere? When I was with Daddy at the science station we brought gifts to Bajoran children that had been orphaned because of the war with the Cardassians. They didn't have any Daddy or Mama and were left behind. I don't want to be left behind Sarah!"

"We wouldn't leave you behind, Michael, that's absurd."

"But who would take care of us?"

"Your mother would make sure that you'd be taken care of."

"Commander Chakotay would be in charge, it would be his ship, and he might not want children on board!"

Sarah reached out and grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze. "I wouldn't let him put you off the ship. He'd have to leave me behind too and then you'd have me to take care of you. You're not going to be left alone, Michael. You have this whole crew to watch over you and Ava."

Michael sniffled. "Would you and Tom take care of us?"

"Would Tom and I take care of you?"

"Yeah," Michael said. "I heard Tal tell Billy the other day that you guys are getting married."

Sarah coughed, suppressing her gasp. Leave it to a child to hear such a comment. It was probably all over the ship by now that her and Tom were getting married. "Well…I don't know about that…but…Michael, Tom and I aren't getting married, but we'd…take care of you if that's what you want."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why aren't you getting married?"

_For one we haven't even been on a date yet, _Sarah reasoned as she opened her mouth to answer, "Marriage is a pretty big commitment, Michael, you'll understand when you're older of course. Tom and I are friends but we don't love each other like your parents did." _Of course if you ask Tom that he might tell you a different story, _she retorted in her head with a slight shake.

Michael frowned. "If you _do _get married can I be in your wedding?"

She was fortunately saved by the door opening. Looking up she watched as Tal came in, Ava in tow. "Sorry we're late," the nanny proclaimed. "Ava made a little bit of a mess with her finger paints. Ready for lunch?"

"Yep!" Michael said jumping up from his seat. He began to follow Tal out the door then turned abruptly and smiled at Sarah. "It's going to be fun living with you and Tom! See you tomorrow Sarah!"

Tal gave her a funny look but Sarah shook her head as if to say _long story. _She watched as Michael skipped out of the room. It amazed her how easily a child could go from being terrified of being put off the ship to being excited about living with his teachers because his mother was dead. _What a horribly morbid thought. _ Sighing she got up and began to clean up the remnants of their snack when the door slid open again.

"What was that all about?" Tom Paris asked, gesturing over his shoulder. "Michael just told me that you, me, and him were going to become roommates."

Sarah chuckled silently. "Apparently we just became his foster parents if Captain Janeway should perish along this trip."

Tom raised an eyebrow. "Really? Let me guess, Michael picked us?"

"You guessed correctly. Here help me clean this up."

He moved across the room and began to help her. "Sounds like you had an interesting morning."

"He's incredibly bright, Chakotay shouldn't have kept it from him that Captain Janeway was seriously hurt. He figured it out on his own that she was and is now terrified that his mother is going to leave them and that _Voyager _will toss them off to someone else at the next planet, seeing Bajoran orphans I suppose will have that affect on you. I had to promise him that I'd make sure it wouldn't happen or I'd be going with him. That's when he asked if you and I would care for him, because according to Tal we're getting married."

Tom stopped what he was doing and watched her as she moved about the schoolroom. She didn't see him stop and stare, she was too busy throwing the dishes back into the replicator. He felt a little flutter, he could see himself married to her; he'd never been able to picture himself with anyone for that long, for that kind of commitment, but Sarah…came naturally to him. "Funny," he joked, "I didn't get an invitation to the wedding. When were you going to tell me?"

"It must have gotten lost in the mail," Sarah teased, finishing up. "Are you coming with us for the picnic?"

"Chakotay wouldn't give me more leave time," Tom replied sadly.

"He's still ornery isn't he?"

"You can't even imagine."

Sarah offered him a small smile. "There'll be other times to spend with us Tom, don't worry."

Tom sighed. "Yeah I know." Their eyes met for a moment and an awkward silence passed between them. "I should be getting back to the bridge before Chakotay sends the hounds out to find me."

"You better get going then," Sarah said with a wry smile. "You don't need my help getting in trouble, you do that enough on your own."

Grinning he turned about and left the room and didn't notice her shoulders slump in disappointment that he wouldn't be joining them.

* * *

Tom Paris was finding that he hated it when _Voyager _was in orbit of a planet for long extended periods of time. The time passed slowly and all he did was sit at his station and stare at the viewscreen. Occasionally Commander Chakotay would ask him to run a diagnostic report on the conn or take a trip down to Engineering to work on the navigational array but other than that Tom sat there, idly thinking about the things he could be doing at that very moment.

After returning from the Nydian ship Chakotay had set a course for Vicius, a friendly planet, in the Bellus system, according to Neelix. The crew would be able to enjoy shore leave and they could stock up on much needed supplies. The senior staff had agreed that the crew needed time, especially Kathryn Janeway who was still recovering from injuries. The mood around the ship since they had returned from Kreyole space had been tense to say the least. Janeway had been unconscious for three days before finally coming out of the coma. Chakotay's mood was not helping matters either. Ever since returning he had been walking around with a cloud around his head. He was quick to anger and Tom noticed that many of the junior officers were reporting through Tuvok instead of going to the first officer.

Tapping his fingers on his console he realized it had gotten better since Janeway had woken up, but not by much since the Doctor still refused to let her leave sickbay. Her legs still weren't healed completely and she needed extensive therapy if she wanted to make it back to duty or as the Doctor had put it, "be able to chase after your offspring." Tom had seen her trying to sneak out of sickbay the other morning, cane in hand, but the hologram had caught her before she succeeded and with a slump of her shoulders, the Captain of _Voyager _had sulked back into the medical bay.

Tom smiled at the memory. Janeway hated being tied down for long periods of time. She would much rather be on the bridge, cane and all, then stuck in sickbay going through therapy sessions with a doctor that had very little personality. He didn't blame her wanting to seek escape. Kes had reported at the senior staff's briefing the day before that she believed Janeway to be making a faster recovery than expected and that their captain would be out and in about in no time. Tom was certain that both the Doctor and Chakotay had other plans. He had seen how upset Chakotay had been about the whole situation of Janeway being seriously injured on the Nydian ship. The first officer hadn't spoken to anyone about his feelings but Sarah Barrett said they were lingering there under the surface.

As his thoughts lingered on Sarah he peeked at the PADD resting on his console. It was the outline for a holodeck program to replicate the moon lit plains of the Kreyole planet the night she had slept in his arms. He wasn't sure if it would get her to open up to him and his feelings for her, but it was worth a shot. Maybe he could work on it some more while Chakotay seemed preoccupied with status reports. Besides, Tom wasn't doing much here, since the ship was on autopilot orbiting a planet.

With a little look over his shoulder to make sure the first officer wasn't paying attention to him, Tom grabbed the PADD and began to make more modifications to the program.

Chakotay was too engrossed in ship's status reports to even notice what Tom was doing. With Janeway relieved of duty for the time being the first officer was taking on triple the work along with caring for the woman's children. He wasn't getting any sleep, plagued with nightmares of the time trapped in the cellar with the Captain and his mood was beginning to reflect that. It wasn't uncommon for him to snap at an unsuspecting junior officer or even one of the senior officers the past few days. The crew was avoiding him like he was the plague and instead trying to go through the other senior officers so they wouldn't have to face him. But Chakotay had noticed that even B'Elanna seemed reluctant to report to him.

The days only seemed to drag with Kathryn absent. Chakotay constantly found himself glancing at her empty chair only to catch the eyes of Sarah Barrett. But the counselor never called him out on his emotions. Chakotay knew she realized they were there; she was a telepath after all.

Sarah had been after him to take shore leave. He flat out refused, not with Kathryn still recovering. The young lieutenant had even suggested that he take Ava and Michael with him. Chakotay still had not budged. Sarah and Tom had taken the children with them to the pristine beaches of their colony the Bellians boasted about, but Chakotay found that even with the time to catch up on his sleep, his thoughts still lingered on Kathryn and what had happened on the Kreyole planet; he would never be able to get the image of her, dying in his arms, begging him to promise her that he would take care of her children. It would haunt him until the day he died.

Rubbing his eyes he set the PADD aside and stared at the back of Tom's head. The pilot had been the latest victim of his short fuse. Chakotay didn't need him on the bridge, since they weren't going anywhere for the time being, but he had refused the young man's request for an extra day of shore leave. The children had returned the night before and the first officer knew that Tom wanted to spend time with Sarah alone. He pressed his lips together. It wasn't fair of him to take out his frustrations on the crew; they were his own personal demons that he had to vanquish. Sarah wasn't due back on _Voyager _for another three to four hours and to his knowledge she was hiking with Harry and B'Elanna. " Paris," he grumbled.

Tom jumped figuring he had been caught not working and sheepishly looked over his shoulder. "Yes sir?"

"I think I owe you some leave time," Chakotay replied.

"Uh, sir," Tom said, not following. "I'm not sure what you're getting at."

"The hiking trip, you requested some time so you could spend it with friends," Chakotay answered.

Tom's face lit up for a moment. Was the first officer going to actually let him go join his friends on Vicius? "Oh, that, well, they're probably on their way back by now."

"Get out of here Tom," Chakotay said with a slight smile, "that's an order."

"Aye sir."

The pilot quickly got up from his station beaming and jogged to the turbo lift. He would report to his quarters, change into something more suitable for hiking, and then transport down to the surface of Vicius to join Sarah, Harry, and B'Elanna. If he was lucky they were just settling down for lunch and hadn't even started the trip back down the mountain yet. When he entered his quarters he quickly disposed of the PADD that held his newest holoprogram on it and changed into something more comfortable for hiking. He only brought his combadge and a canteen of water and made his way to the transporter room.

The young crewman put him down as close to the coordinates of the others and Tom was greeted with a bright sunny day. He took a deep breath of the fresh, crisp air, and began to climb up the mountain towards a ledge.

Sarah was sitting on that ledge, a picnic blanket spread out underneath her small frame. She was reading a book and Tom was delighted that Harry and B'Elanna had left her alone for a few moments. "All by yourself?" he called out, startling her slightly.

"I thought Commander Chakotay said you couldn't take more time off?" she questioned him as he sauntered over and sat with her.

"He decided that I wasn't needed."

"Oh," Sarah said, closing her book. She placed it in her lap and smiled at him. "I'm glad that you could join us."

"Speaking of us, where are Harry and B'Elanna?"

"They're swimming in a creek not far from here," Sarah answered. "I didn't feel up for it."

Tom frowned. He saw the same frightened look in her eyes that he'd seen after they'd listened to the message from Dellon Casius in the briefing room after their narrow escape from the clutches of that monster. "Sarah, he isn't going to get his hands on you, the crew won't let him…I won't let him."

Sarah wiped at her eyes, hiding the fact that she had been about to cry. "I don't want to talk about it Tom. The crew has enough stress right now without their counselor breaking down. Chakotay has enough on his plate; he doesn't need to be dealing with me and my fears."

"They aren't just your fears," Tom pointed out. "I'm terrified that he could hurt you." He grabbed a hold of her hand. She already knew what losing her meant to him, he didn't have to put it into words any longer.

She gave his hand a squeeze. "I would have gone with him, if it meant keeping you and the others alive, I would have done it. There was never any other option once he pulled that weapon on you. You told me that life on _Voyager _without you would be better than any life on Gerroa Prime. The truth is…well, it wouldn't be, at least not for me. You're the only one who understands me at times Tom, what would life be like if I suddenly lost that? Who would I have to talk too?"

He grinned. "Good thing I'm not going anywhere then, huh?"

She laughed and playfully hit him on the arm with her book. "Yeah, good thing." Their eyes met for a moment and there was tender gaze that passed between them before she broke it and got to her feet, offering him something to eat. "I'm assuming you didn't take care of that once Chakotay gave you permission to join us."

Tom chuckled. "I didn't want to give him the chance to change his mind again, do you blame me?"

"No," she answered, getting up and climbing up the ledge towards the picnic basket that was half open.

She was beginning to prepare him a plate of food that consisted of vegetables from Kes' garden, cheese and crackers, finger sandwiches, and ginger snap cookies for dessert, when the ledge shook violently. There was a deafening explosion, unlike any that Tom or Sarah had heard before and she was tumbling down the ledge towards him. Tom caught her but not before both of them saw the menacing cloud moving towards them. It was a mass of purple and pink gases and the smell was absolutely foul. Tom gripped her tightly as he slapped his combadge. " Paris to _Voyager! _We need an emergency beam out!"

There was a garbled response but Tom didn't catch it all before the transmission was cut. The cloud was almost on top of them, the foul smell burning their nostrils when the transporter beam finally snatched them up and deposited them in transporter room two.

"_Lang do you have them!_" Chakotay's voice roared over the comline.

Ensign Lang let out a sigh of relief. "I have them sir."

Tom looked around to see Harry and B'Elanna, wearing nothing but swim clothes, dripping water onto the pad, staring back at him. "What the hell was that?" the pilot of _Voyager _finally voiced, to which his colleagues only shrugged. He got to his feet and decided that he should probably report to the bridge; something told him Chakotay was going to need him now. _So much for shore leave. _

"It was almost like…a bomb went off," B'Elanna was speculating. "A massive one at that."

"That smell…was horrible," Harry added, coughing. "My lungs are still burning from it."

"We should get to the bridge," Sarah said, breathlessly.

She led the way out of the transporter room towards the turbolift. They rode the life in silence and exited onto a darkened bridge, red alert lights flashing. Chakotay was standing in the middle of the command station and glanced over his shoulder at the sound of the lift doors opening. The officers took their stations, Tom moving towards the helm, noticing a planet of purple and pink gas on the view screen. Harry sprinted, soaking wet to his own station, while B'Elanna manned the Engineering console. Sarah joined the first officer in the command center.

"What happened to the image of Vicius?" Tom asked, eyes wide, fixed on the screen.

"You're looking at it Lieutenant," Chakotay answered grimly.

"That…that's impossible," Sarah stammered. "Vicius was full of life. It wasn't a toxic planet at all."

"It was full of life until a minute ago," Chakotay continued to use a stoic voice. "We detected a massive shock wave heading towards the planet. I ordered all teams to be beamed back to _Voyager. _We had just gotten everyone back on board except you, Tom, Harry, and B'Elanna, when the wave hit the planet. It didn't take us long to realize that this wave was no natural occurrence; it was a weapon of mass destruction, and it has completely changed Vicius. There's no life left Lieutenant; Vicius is now a radioactive planetoid."

* * *

The Doctor had just finished Kathryn Janeway's latest physical therapy session and sent her for a walk with Kes through the ship when the doors to sickbay swished open and several teams of crewmen rushed in. "What's going on!" he demanded, to which no one answered him. He noticed that they were scrounging for medical supplies and kits, and completely ignoring him, which didn't make the hologram too happy. "I _demand _that you tell me what's going on!"

"Sorry Doc," Ensign Murphy finally said. "Commander Chakotay's orders, sir."

"Orders!" the Doctor snapped. "He might have warned me first that you all were coming to raid my sickbay!"

Murphy glared at him but didn't respond, grabbing the med kit that he had been putting together and disappearing out of the doors. In the middle of this chaos the Doctor noticed that Sarah Barrett walked in, barking orders herself. "The Commander wants every member of the rescue team to be equipped with a med kit. As soon as you find a survivor beam them directly to holodeck two. We'll be setting up triage there. Make sure that everyone gets inoculated with hyronalin before they beam to the surface!"

"Hyronalin! Lieutenant Barrett, I demand some answers right now!"

Sarah squared her shoulders and the hologram noticed that she was out of uniform, wearing nothing but a white cotton shirt underneath a brown leather vest, and a small brown skirt over black leggings with brown leather boots that came all the way up to her knees. "Vicius was just attacked by some form of radioactive weapon; Commander Chakotay wants to send teams down to search for survivors." She turned back to her work of preparing equipment and ordering the junior officers around.

The Doctor pondered her words for a moment. He had learned in the last four months that this crew didn't think about the consequences of their actions; the mere fact that Janeway had destroyed the array that would have gotten them home and spared them from all this unnecessary danger proved his point. He didn't understand their need to help every Tom, Dick, and Harry that came along and needed their aid. And to beam down to a planet devastated by a massive weapon of radiation was pure suicide in the hologram's mind. "What does Captain Janeway have to say about this?" he asked the counselor.

"Nothing because she hasn't been told," Sarah responded not looking at him.

"You mean to tell me that Commander Chakotay has yet to inform the Captain about the attack on Vicius?" the Doctor gasped.

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean to tell you," Sarah snapped. "Captain Janeway has been temporarily relieved of duty; she doesn't need to be informed at the moment. When the Commander sees it fit, he will present her with the information." She turned away from him and began to work the console once again.

The Doctor scowled. "I have to disagree with this course of action, Miss Barrett."

"Fine, put it in your log."

"My log?"

"Yes, Doctor, your log! I don't have time to debate every little thing with you at the moment!" Sarah yelled, scaring a young former Maquis crewman standing next to her. "If you have a disagreement with me, put it in your personal log and let's move on, shall we!"

The Doctor didn't pretend to notice that she was short tempered; he just decided that things were already out of hand enough as it was than to be making her angrier. "My personal log?"

"Don't you have one, _Chief Medical Officer_?"

"I'm a hologram, what good is a personal log to me?" he asked, innocently.

"Maybe it's time you started thinking of yourself as more than a hologram," Sarah replied. "Computer, transfer the EMH to holodeck two."

The hologram shimmered out of existence and Sarah let out a frustrated sigh. Commander Chakotay had ordered her to take over sickbay while the Doctor ran triage down on the holodeck. Any minor injuries would be coming to her and other crewmen with medical training, but the real reason the first officer wanted her in sickbay was their disabled captain. Janeway wasn't going to compile easily once she found out that there was trouble. Closing her eyes for a moment she saw that terrible cloud moving towards her and Tom on the ledge. What would have happened if _Voyager _hadn't been able to transport them? Would they even be a live now?

Taking a deep breath Sarah opened her eyes and moved into the Doctor's office to begin replicating more medicine. It wasn't going to take long before the hologram was going to need more. Even if Chakotay's distress signal was answered, it could take hours for help to arrive from Bellus Prime, the home world of the Bellians. She had just replicated another thirty hyposprays when the doors to sickbay swished open and she could hear Kes and Captain Janeway chatting as they entered.

Clenching her fists she stepped out of the office, the storage container filled with the hyposprays in her hands. "Crewman, take this to holodeck two," she ordered, handing the storage container off to the young woman.

"Yes ma'am," the crewman answered, leaving the room.

Janeway, hobbling along with her cane, looked perplexed. "What's going on? Did Sandrine's get a bit out of hand?"

Sarah chewed on her lower lip for a moment. Chakotay had ordered her not to inform Janeway what was going on, not until he had a better grasp on the situation himself. "Um, I don't know, ma'am, I was told to come here and…watch over sickbay."

"Where's the Doctor?" the Captain asked.

"He, um, he's been taken off line for maintenance," Sarah lied. _Oh please don't ask the computer to confirm. _

Janeway seemed satisfied with that answer and climbed up onto her biobed. Sarah knew it was hers because Michael had drawn loads of pictures that were now taped to the bulkhead. There was even a scribbled drawing from Ava meshed in between the other drawings of starships and aliens. "Come here for a moment, Lieutenant," the older woman said, patting the biobed. "It's been a while since I've talked to you."

Sarah swallowed. "Talked to me?"

"Don't worry, Lieutenant, I'm not going to bite you," Janeway teased. "I just want to talk."

The younger woman had no other choice but to cross the room and sit down on the biobed with her commanding officer. _I wonder if James Kirk ever just wanted to talk to his officers, _Sarah thought as an awkward silence passed between the two women for a moment. Janeway had once told her that she could talk to her but now, when the woman invited her to chat she found that she couldn't do it. She took to studying the drawings on the wall even though she had been present when Michael had made each and everyone of them.

A hand reached out and took her own. "Chakotay told me about what happened on the Kreyole planet, that Casius tried to kidnap you; I saw the message he sent you afterwards. Sarah, it's alright to be afraid." She saw the young woman stiffen at the mentioning of this. "I want you to know that _Voyager _isn't going to let him get what he wants."

"If I was forced to make that choice again Captain, between my freedom and the lives of others, of this crew," Sarah told her, eyes meeting the older woman's in a steely glance, "I wouldn't hesitate to choose the lives of my friends."

"_Bridge to Lieutenant Barrett._"

"Go ahead."

"_We're receiving a transmission, ma'am_."

"Is it from Bellus Prime?"

"_No, ma'am, a vessel closing in on our coordinates; they wish to speak to whoever's in charge. I tried to raise Commander Chakotay, but the interference from the radiation is too great._"

Sarah pressed her lips together, aware that Kathryn Janeway was looking rather worried about this latest bit of information. Turning her gaze away from the questioning eyes of her commanding officer, she responded, "I'll be right up, Barrett out." Lowering her head for a moment, she took a calming breath, wondering how this day had gone downhill and so fast. When she raised her head again she noticed that Janeway had moved off the biobed and was standing in front of her, glaring.

"What the hell is going on Lieutenant?" the Captain growled. "There is no problem in Sandrine's is there?"

"No ma'am," Sarah answered, suddenly forgetting that Chakotay had wanted to wait to inform the Captain on the situation at hand. "There was no problem in Sandrine's."

"Then please, explain to me what is going on?" Janeway ordered, placing her hands on her hips.

Tears sprang up in Sarah's eyes, a reaction that softened the look on her commanding officer's face. "I'm not sure what happened. Tom and I were having lunch on a beautiful mountain ledge when suddenly there was an explosion, a foul smell in the air, and a cloud of purple mist moving towards us at a ferocious speed. It burned my nostrils, my lungs; made my eyes water. I'm not sure what would have happened to us if _Voyager _hadn't beamed us back on board before the cloud engulfed us." A lone tear escaped the counselor's sapphire eyes. "Vicius is destroyed, burning underneath a radioactive cloud."

Janeway's face paled. "Does Commander Chakotay have any idea who…is responsible?"

Sarah shook her head. "No, he said it was as if the blast came out from no where."

"In your report, you mentioned that Tamah talked about the Nydians having biological weapons, could it have been them?" Janeway inquired.

"I saw the weapons myself, Captain, they were biological, but nothing this destructive. Captain Henu said they haven't used those weapons in years, not since the war with the Gerroan," Sarah answered.

Janeway grabbed her cane and began to make her way out of sickbay. This propelled Sarah into action. She jumped off the biobed and squeaked, "Captain, where are you going?"

"To the bridge," Janeway said firmly. "Maybe the approaching vessel has some idea what happened."

Kes gave Sarah a worried look. "Ma'am, you're under strict orders from the Doctor to take it easy," the young lieutenant pointed out.

"I know," Janeway drawled. "But right now my ship and crew needs me; a little limping isn't going to stop me. Are you coming Lieutenant?"

_Damn it, Chakotay's going to kill me,_ Sarah thought as she sprinted after the Captain. The corridors were empty thanks to the fact that most of the crew were on the surface or in the holodeck helping with rescue efforts. Janeway's progress was slow through them thanks to her still healing legs, but she didn't let that fact deter her. She had a determined look on her face and Sarah was beginning to wonder if Chakotay was right, that if _Voyager _lost their Captain one day, would they be able to survive without her? It was a troubling thought, one that she tried to push from her mind as they entered the turbolift and proceeded to the bridge.

The ensign that had contacted Sarah about the approaching vessel looked flabbergasted when Janeway stepped out of the turbolift with her, wearing nothing but a white tee shirt and sweatpants, her hair pulled back into a low ponytail at the nape of her neck. Hardly the perfect picture of a Starfleet captain, but then again, Sarah didn't look much like an officer either, still wearing her attire from her hike. "Report," Janeway barked, as if she wasn't standing in the middle of her command station in nothing but her pajamas.

"We were hailed by an approaching vessel that wishes to speak to you, ma'am," the ensign replied.

"Let's put them on screen," Janeway said with a flick of her wrist. An aging alien man appeared. He had wispy gray hair and ridges around his eyes and down his nose. His skin was pale and wrinkled. "I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship _Voyager_, how can we help you?"

"Captain it is most urgent that I speak to you about the weapon that was used on Vicius," the man replied.

"We'd be happy to speak with you Mister…"

"Oh, my apologies, Jetrel, Doctor Ma'Bor Jetrel."

"A pleasure, Doctor Jetrel," Janeway greeted. "We'll beam you over as soon as possible. A security officer will meet you and escort you to the briefing room."

Jetrel nodded. "Thank you Captain," he said before disappearing from the screen.

"Mister Rollins," Janeway said, "Meet our guest in the transporter room and bring him to the briefing room."

Rollins nodded his head and was moving off of the bridge when Neelix burst out of the turbolift. "Captain! I must speak with you!"

Janeway shook her head. "I'm very busy right now Neelix. I have a meeting in a few moments and I'm not at all dressed for it—."

"You don't understand Captain! I've seen this weapon before! It's called the metreon cascade," Neelix interrupted. He took a shuddering breath. "It was used on the moon I grew up on….fifteen years ago."

Sarah exchanged glances with Kathryn, before the older woman reached out and put an arm around Neelix. "Tell me all you know about this weapon, Mister Neelix; it could mean life or death for these people."

* * *


	66. Chapter 66

* * *

In all his time with the Maquis, Chakotay had never seen destruction on this scale. The beautiful vegetation and wildlife of Vicius was now nothing but ashes, vaporized by the radioactive cloud that had descended upon their planet. His environmental suit boots crunched underneath what used to be plants, animals, and people. He shuddered at the thought as he continued through what was once Vicius' primary city. Commander Tuvok had suggested that the weapon had been targeted at this city and that the cloud had spread from here throughout the rest of the planet. They wouldn't know for certain until they got back to _Voyager_and investigated their sensor logs, but the lack of survivors in this part of the planet told Chakotay all he needed to know.

When Tuvok had requested to go and take a look at the city Chakotay had jumped at the chance to join him, to get away from the horribly burned victims of the villages and smaller towns. He had been so numb the last several days since returning to _Voyager _that he thought he could handle a trying rescue mission as this one, but seeing these people so badly injured brought memories of Kathryn struggling for life in that awful cellar.

Chakotay knew from the moment that he beamed down that it was a bad idea for him to come. Perhaps he should have sent Sarah in his place. As it was he was sure that the counselor was having problems with keeping Kathryn in sickbay. Which if he thought about it meant that she was feeling better. Kathryn had been increasingly hard to tie down the last two days, Chakotay had fought with her tooth and nail until finally her exhaustion took her out of contention. The Doctor was getting close to releasing her from sickbay anyways. She was getting good at moving around on her own with the cane and had even taken a few steps without it, but she was still in terrible pain and the hologram wasn't sure if she would ever be able to walk normally again.

This saddened Chakotay considerably. Her children were extremely active, loved taking trips on the holodeck or off ship when it was deemed safe enough for them. Tom and Sarah had reported they loved the beach trip, chasing waves. Kathryn wouldn't be able to enjoy those times with them, keep up with them if her legs didn't heal completely. As it did so many times before, guilt washed over him. He was her first officer, it should have been him that had been injured not Kathryn. He should have protected her.

Of course he knew these thoughts to be ridiculous. Kathryn's injuries had nothing to do with him, it had just been terrible luck. But maybe if he had argued with her more, insisted that she did not have to come on that mission a bit harder, perhaps she would have relented and stayed on _Voyager _where it was safe.

"Commander," Tuvok's voice said over the inter suit communicators. "I believe I have found the flashpoint."

Chakotay picked his way through rubble towards the Vulcan, standing outside massive ruins. "Any idea what this building was?" he asked the Chief of Security when he reached him.

"I believe it was some form of government establishment," Tuvok replied.

"Great," Chakotay mumbled. "Another war we've managed to stumble upon."

"Did you think this was a random act of violence, Commander?" Tuvok questioned.

"I was hoping that it was an accident," Chakotay answered.

"Unfortunately, it does not appear to be this way," Tuvok bluntly stated.

Chakotay grunted and decided that he had enough of what was once a beautiful, vibrant place to visit. The rescue teams had called in a few moments ago; they had found all the survivors that they were going to find and were beaming back to the ship. The First Officer thought it was time that they joined them. "I've seen enough Tuvok." He led the way back to the transport sight and was grateful when the beam swept them up and carried them back to their ship. However, it wasn't the respite that he needed from the terrors he had witnessed. Immediately he could see that the mood was somber.

Taking off his mask to his environmental suit he addressed the crewman behind the controls, "Report, Ensign?"

"Captain Janeway is in a meeting with an alien doctor that contacted us ten minutes ago, the Doctor is requesting more help on the holodeck, and so far there has been no word from Bellus Prime," the Ensign replied.

Chakotay found that he was stuck on one bit of information that the young man had given him— _Captain Janeway is in a meeting with an alien doctor that contacted us ten minutes ago— _he should have known that Kathryn wouldn't sit still during this crisis. "Does the Doctor know about that?" he asked a bit too hostile, but his nerves were completely frayed.

"Uh, I'm not sure sir, but Lieutenant Barrett is with her, so—," the young man stopped when he saw the dark look that came into the commander's eyes.

The First Officer stormed out of the transporter room. As soon as he put this blasted suit back where it belonged he was going up to the bridge to interrupt that meeting. He didn't know who he was going to pick a fight with first, Kathryn or Sarah. He supposed it was unfair of him to leave the young woman in charge of making sure that Kathryn stayed put, but it didn't sound like there had even been a protest. If the Doctor had known Chakotay was sure that Kathryn wouldn't be in that meeting. Chakotay later wouldn't recall taking off his environmental suit and putting it away, nor would he recall the ride to the bridge and storming into the briefing room.

Kathryn didn't look surprised to see him. She probably knew he would seek her out. She arched a slender eyebrow at him when he burst through the doors. "Commander."

Her cordial greeting of him threw him off track, almost as much as her appearance. She was out of uniform, wearing nothing but lounge clothes and her hair was a bit out of place. Her voice, however, was still carrying an air of authority to it. Looking about the room, he realized with mild amusement that he was the only one present in uniform. Sarah was still wearing her clothes from earlier and there wasn't a security guard present. _Damnit Kathryn, why isn't security here. _"Ensign Ryan informed me that you were in a meeting, I feel that my presence is necessary."

She nodded her head, a stray piece of hair falling across her face. He resisted the urge to cross the room and brush it away. "Doctor Jetrel, this is my first officer, Commander Chakotay."

"A pleasure to meet you Commander," the alien called Jetrel said with a tired smile.

Chakotay thought he looked a bit sickly himself. "Doctor."

"Why don't you have a seat Commander," Kathryn instructed.

He moved towards the table, lowering his body into a chair next to Sarah. He saw the young woman shrink into her chair's cushions, avoiding his gaze. Chakotay frowned a little bit more than he already was. He didn't want her to think that he was upset at _her. _On the contrary, he was more upset at Kathryn, who seemed to like putting her health on the line. Folding his hands on top of the table he waited for the Captain to inform him what this meeting was about.

"Doctor Jetrel claims that he has information about the weapon that was used on Vicius," Kathryn said, her gaze steady, hard. "He was about to tell us when you came in."

"What makes you think your information is useful to us, Doctor?" Chakotay asked honestly. It wasn't going to bring the people of Vicius back; it wasn't going to pay for the losses that the Bellians had just suffered. Any information was too late now; the weapon had been used and thousands had died because of it.

Jetrel looked apologetically at Kathryn before speaking. "Because, Commander, I am the man who created it."

Chakotay felt like someone had suddenly reached out and grasped his heart with a cold hand. He clenched his fists together, tried to find his center and regulate his breathing, but the harsh words came out anyways, "Don't you think it's a little too late, Doctor, to be offering any information that could help these people?"

"Chakotay!" Kathryn chided.

"No it's alright, Captain," Jetrel said. "I deserve all the harsh words I get. Millions have suffered because of my discovery. I thought I was doing it in the name of science, who knew that science could be so destructive. After my people used the metreon cascade on Rinax I have been doing everything in my power to stop other species from using it. Unfortunately, my pleas fall on deaf ears. Now all I can hope for is to offer aid to those who suffer from the severe poisoning the radiation brings."

"Poisoning?" Kathryn quipped, looking at Sarah for a moment. "How severe is this poisoning?"

"Protective suits will keep your crew safe, Captain, there is no fear of contamination for those who went to the surface after the attack," Jetrel replied. "But if any of them were on the planet's surface, for any duration of the attack, however small, it's possible that they could become sick."

Chakotay felt his heart thunder in his chest. Paris, Barrett, Torres, and Kim had all been on the planet still when the blast hit, they had all been exposed to this radiation that could very well kill them. _I didn't get them out in time, _he lamented, lowering his eyes to stare at the table. "How long will it take before they show symptoms?"

Jetrel shrugged his shoulders. "It depends on how long they were exposed."

"Is there treatment for this type of radiation?" Kathryn asked, hopefully.

"Unfortunately all I have is a medicine that will make their suffering less," Jetrel replied. "This is why I have been roaming the sector, going to any planet that has been devastated by the cascade, in hopes that I will find a treatment to cure the victims. So far, my results have yielded nothing. There aren't usually any survivors to study. But you and your crew have brought up survivors, with time, perhaps I will be able to devise a treatment."

Kathryn made eye contact with Sarah, seeing the look of fear in her eyes. "I'll have a security detail escort you to our holodeck where our doctor has set up triage." She tapped her combadge and asked Rollins to escort the scientist out of the briefing room and to the holodeck. When he was gone she lowered her head, her shoulders sagging with exhaustion before she raised it up and looked at Chakotay and Sarah. "You'll have to be examined Sarah."

"Yes ma'am."

"Chakotay, we're still awaiting word from Bellus Prime," Kathryn said. "I want you to keep tabs on Doctor Jetrel's progress so when they do contact us we have some substantial information for them."

"Captain, you really should be resting—."

"There isn't time for rest, Commander," Kathryn snapped. "We're in the middle of a crisis; my place is on my bridge. Now, I realize I may not look the part, but I'm still the Captain."

He wanted to argue with her more, but not with Sarah present. This was a conversation that should only be continued in private. Of course he could order Sarah to relieve Kathryn of duty and confine her to quarters, but in his mind that would probably only make matters worse. Besides he had partially moved into her quarters to take care of her kids; he would only be inviting trouble later if he confined her and then had to go retrieve his belongings.

Kathryn was more than happy to let the issue slide right then and there. "There's another reason why I want you to keep an eye on Jetrel, Commander; Mister Neelix told me about the devastating effects of this weapon, first hand; his colony was destroyed by it fifteen years ago." She paused for a moment, recalling how their chef and self imposed morale officer had broken down into tears in her ready room after some prodding by Sarah and Kathryn. He had been furious when he had learned that Jetrel was coming on board, and rightly so since the man was responsible for the weapon that killed his family. "He's having a rough time and Sarah is worried that he's unpredictable."

"Are you afraid that he'll try to hurt Jetrel?" Chakotay asked.

"I'll put it to you this way, if it was the Cardassian general that ordered the attack on your colony, how would you feel?"

The metaphor had its desired effect; Chakotay shuddered. "I understand Captain."

"Maybe Commander Chakotay is more suited to offer counsel in this matter than I am, Captain," Sarah spoke up. "After all, Neelix may relate to the Commander's experiences."

Kathryn shook her head for a moment. "I'd like to give traditional counseling a try first; if you find you're failing, consult Chakotay. Right now, I need him elsewhere."

"_Doctor to Commander Chakotay._"

"Go ahead Doctor."

"_I think you should come to the holodeck; there's been a medical emergency regarding Mister Kim._"

* * *

"I'm afraid that Mister Kim is suffering from radiation poisoning," the Doctor informed Chakotay when he arrived on the holodeck.

"Did you treat him with hyronalin?" Chakotay asked noticing the smell of burnt flesh lingering in the air.

The hologram nodded his head. "That was the first thing I did, he also had it before transporting back down to Vicius to help with the rescue efforts. It's had no effect. He is being attacked at the atomic level; his cells are breaking down one by one. If I can't find a way to stop it, he'll be dead by the end of the week. I want to remove him from the holodeck to sickbay so I can run some tests. Doctor Jetrel is perfectly capable of treating the victims of Vicius."

Chakotay straightened his shoulders and turned to face the hologram. "What about the others? Sarah, Tom, and B'Elanna all were down on that planet when the blast hit, how come none of them have shown symptoms yet?"

"Perhaps they have and just have not reported it to me," the Doctor answered. "We all know how this crew takes their health lightly."

The first officer decided to ignore the hologram's comments. Instead his mind settled on the disturbing news that Harry Kim may only have a few days to live. If he had only been exposed for a few seconds, Chakotay wondered how long the survivors they had brought up from the planet had to live. Doctor Jetrel could only offer them a medicine to ease the pain of their bodies slowly degrading and breaking apart. "I want you to work with Doctor Jetrel to find a treatment. The faster we get one the more lives we can save. Set up an area so Harry has some privacy from the others. I'll inform the Captain."

"Commander, I suggest that Lieutenants Paris, Barrett, and Torres all be relieved of duty, and come to the holodeck to be scanned," the Doctor insisted. "If Mister Kim has contracted radiation poisoning then it's safe to assume that they as well have been contaminated."

"Very well, but I'll inform them, this is a delicate matter," Chakotay said, turning to go.

"Are you suggesting that I'm not component enough to inform them myself?" the hologram asked hotly.

"Listen, Doc, I'm not questioning your competency," Chakotay replied, turning back to face him. "But I do think you could brush up on your bedside manners. I promise I'll have them report to you immediately." Before the hologram could protest, Chakotay briskly left the room heading for the turbo lift. _So much for shore leave being a relaxing time for the crew, _he thought with dismay as he entered the lift and ordered it to take him to engineering. He'd tell B'Elanna first, because they were the closest, but he didn't know how to bring the subject up with Paris or Sarah.

B'Elanna was busily working on a weekly maintenance report when he entered Main Engineering. She looked fine, maybe a little frayed, but nothing to suggest that radiation was breaking down her cells one by one. She had changed out of her wet swim clothes back into her uniform, but her hair was still damp at the ends and she hadn't put new make up on. "If you've come here for the weekly report, you'll be disappointed," she drawled when she saw his large form come into her view. "Half my people were on shore leave all week and the other half are helping the Doctor on the holodeck."

"Actually," Chakotay said, softly. "I wasn't looking for your report."

She looked up at him then, her dark eyes searching his face. She had known him long enough to know that something was wrong. "What is it Chakotay? We're old friends, you can tell me."

"The Doctor wants you to come to the holodeck to under go some scans," Chakotay told her.

"What for?"

"He thinks you might have radiation poisoning."

"Radiation poisoning? I feel fine."

"So didn't Harry until fifteen minutes ago," Chakotay said.

B'Elanna let the news slowly sink in. It wasn't entirely impossible for her to have radiation poisoning, after all they had been exposed to the weapon for at least a minute, perhaps even two for all she knew. But if that was the case, then why did Chakotay look so upset? It was a simple treatment, an inoculation that was it. _No,_she realized, _there's more that he isn't telling me yet. _"Something tells me that Harry's diagnosis isn't good."

"The radiation is breaking down his cells at the atomic level," Chakotay informed her. "The Doctor thinks he only has a week, unless he can find a treatment."

She felt like her heart had been wrenched out of her chest. "A week?" she sputtered. Two minutes of being exposed to the radiation was suddenly resulting in Harry's life being cut down to one short week. And if Harry had been contaminated, that meant she had, as well as Sarah and Tom. _Dear god, we only have a week. _"We weren't on that planet long enough to be exposed to radiation that severe."

"This type of radiation was designed to kill, B'Elanna," Chakotay said, then added in a whisper. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? You just handed me my death sentence and all you can say is sorry!" B'Elanna raged. Then she immediately felt awful. It wasn't Chakotay's fault that the weapon had been fired; it wasn't his fault that Harry had asked B'Elanna out on the picnic date, it wasn't Chakotay's fault that she had accepted the invitation. She should have snapped at him. A sympathetic look came over her old friend's face. He reached out and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Do you want me to go with you to see the Doctor?" he offered.

"I…yes," she whispered. She would never admit it out loud but she was suddenly very afraid and she didn't want to be alone when the Doctor did his tests on her.

Chakotay nodded his head, understanding that this was difficult for her, and silently led the way out of engineering. They rode the turbolift in silence as well and made the trek to the holodeck without muttering one word. He wished that she would say something, whether it was small talk or otherwise. But he knew B'Elanna and he knew that facing the prospect of only living a week was something that was terribly frightening for her and when she was afraid she retreated inside of herself. It was a small step that she had even allowed him to go with her to see the Doctor.

The hologram looked disappointed that Chakotay had only returned with B'Elanna. But Chakotay didn't think B'Elanna wanted the others present when the Doctor did his tests. He would stay with her while the hologram did the scans then he would go in search of Barrett and Paris. They were probably on the bridge, he would ask them to join him in the briefing room, or perhaps if Kathryn had taken his advice and gone back to sickbay to rest, they could utilize the ready room. Anything was better than the Doctor contacting them over the comline and telling them that they were dying so the whole bridge knew. The crew would know soon enough that they were sick with a fatal illness.

Shaking his head slightly he watched as B'Elanna lay down on a cot in a private section of the holodeck that the Doctor had set up for the four officers. Chakotay knew it was for them because Harry was already on one of the cots, sleeping, and there was a parturition blocking the rest of the patients' view of the area.

B'Elanna looked sadly at Harry while the Doctor ran his tricorder over her body, but she didn't say anything. Chakotay held one of her hands while the hologram did his tests and then he turned solemnly towards the Chief Engineer. "I'm sorry, Miss Torres. It seems that you too are suffering from an atomic breakdown."

She fought tears back. "How long?"

"A week, at most," the hologram told her. "You'll need to stay here so I can monitor your situation."

"I understand," B'Elanna mumbled, rolling over onto her side, facing away from Harry.

"Commander, it's important that Lieutenant Paris and Miss Barrett come down here," the Doctor reminded the first officer.

Chakotay let go of B'Elanna's hand. "I realize this," he whispered. "Make them comfortable Doctor."

"Aye sir."

He turned with one little look back at the two officers and then walked away from the private area. The smell was beginning to go away, filtered out through the environmental systems no doubt and thanks to the fact that Chakotay counted several patients now missing from the room, probably due to death. With a heavy sigh he picked his way through the triage unit, watching as the people of Vicius slowly began to slip away, just like Harry and B'Elanna were now, just like Tom and Sarah would be doing in just a few moments after he informed them of their condition. He would have to tell Kathryn, she would want to be there for the officers. She cared so much for her crew.

Who was he kidding, he cared for them too. Even stubborn, arrogant Paris, who Chakotay could see was making an honest effort to do right on this ship, he hated the thought of losing all four of them, of having to put their bodies in space. They had done nothing but give their very best and they were going to die a painful death. It didn't seem fitting.

Chakotay was just about at the door when they swished open and Tom hurried in, carrying Sarah in his arms. Neelix came jogging in after them. "Doctor!" Paris screamed, his voice echoing off the walls of the holodeck.

"What happened?" Chakotay questioned rushing to help Paris bring Sarah back to the area that had been blocked off for the officers.

"We were just eating dinner when all of a sudden she complained of sharp pain in her abdomen. Before I could help her get up and bring her to sickbay, she collapsed," Tom said. They laid Sarah down on a cot next to Harry. Tom stood up and suddenly realized that both Harry and B'Elanna were present. "Hey, what's going on? Why are Harry and B'Elanna here?"

Chakotay eyed the Doctor for a moment before speaking. "They're being treated for radiation poisoning."

"Radiation poisoning?" Neelix repeated. Then a dark look came over his face, as if he knew what the Commander was about to say. "Oh," he said, "they were on the planet when the explosion happened, they've been exposed." His orange eyes became sad, tears threatened to escape. "I guess the only comfort we have is that perhaps _Voyager's_medicine is more advanced than my people's and a cure can be found."

Tom felt his hands start to shake. "Are you saying that the small amount of time we were on the planet and exposed to the radiation has contaminated us?"

Chakotay stiffened slightly. "I'm afraid so, Paris."

"And this…radiation is fatal?"

"Yes."

Tom lowered himself down onto the last remaining cot. For a moment he stared at the wall but then lowered his head, chuckling sadly. "I never thought I would end up dying because of someone else's war."

"I'm sorry, Tom," Neelix said, instinctively. "But we have the best doctor in the quadrant, if anyone can come up with a way, it's him."

"I appreciate your vote of confidence in me, Mister Neelix," the Doctor said," however, I'm at a loss as to where I'll find a cure." He closed his tricorder down from scanning Sarah and grimly reported that she too was suffering from the radiation poisoning, giving her the same amount of time to live as Harry and B'Elanna. "It's safe to assume that you have this condition as well, Mister Paris." There was a small glimmer of remorse in the hologram's eyes. "I'll do my best to make you all comfortable, but other than that, I'm not sure there is anything that I can do."

Tom took a deep breath before lying back on his cot. "Do whatever you have to do Doc. I guess I'm not going to be going anywhere for a while, huh?"

"It's preferable that you stay here on the holodeck so I can treat you while treating the survivors of Vicius."

"Alright, I suddenly don't feel like flying _Voyager _anyways."

* * *


	67. Chapter 67

* * *

Neelix had opted to stay on the holodeck after Commander Chakotay had left to give his report to the Captain. He was after all the morale officer and four of _Voyager's _senior officers were fatally ill; if they didn't need a little morale boast, Neelix wasn't sure who did. For the most part he sat on a holographic chair watching them all sleep. The Doctor had said that the radiation attacking them was making them tired and weak since their body was trying to combat it; futilely it appeared. B'Elanna had drifted in out and of sleep but didn't feel much like talking, Tom had fallen asleep shortly after Chakotay had reported back to the bridge, and Sarah and Harry had yet to wake up.

Even though he had told Tom that the Doctor would find a cure, Neelix was skeptical. He had seen the radiation poisoning before, as it slowly consumed the survivors of Rinax. He had sat by the bedsides of his parents and sisters, while they slowly died, painfully. He had prayed that he would never see someone that he cared for go through that again, and yet here he was, sitting by the death beds of four officers that had given him a new outlook on life. It didn't seem fair that these people, who were generally good and peaceful, should die violent, horrible deaths. Maybe some sick military leader somewhere thought that the Bellians deserved this fate, but the crew of _Voyager_?

"Neelix?" Sarah's voice was soft, weak as she called to him. "Where am I?"

"On the holodeck," he replied, giving her a little smile.

"Why am I here?"

"You're very sick," he told her, feeling tears begin to press the corners of his eyes. His sister, Alixia had woken up on a hospital on Talax, asking where she was. He had told her the very same words he had just said to Sarah.

Sarah blinked those sapphire eyes that reminded him so much of the seas of his home world. "I'm sick? I don't remember not feeling well."

Neelix sighed, softly so she wouldn't hear. "You complained of pain in the mess hall. You passed out; Mister Paris had to carry you here so the Doctor could examine you. He's determined that you suffered radiation poisoning on the planet." Oh how he wished Commander Chakotay had stayed so he wouldn't have to be the one to tell the young woman that she was dying. Alixia and his other family members had known they were dying; they had been on Rinax when the cloud engulfed them. Sarah and the others believed they had been saved before any exposure. But the radiation was so malicious that it only took a few seconds to breath in its toxic death to seal one's fate. He didn't realize it but a lone tear leaked out of his eye.

"What's the matter, Neelix?" Sarah said, struggling to sit up. "You're crying."

He wiped the tear away. "Just watery eyes, I'm tired. It's been a very exhausting day.

"You're lying."

The words were a simple accusation and Neelix knew she could see right through him. Even in her weakened state her senses were strong. Neelix adverted his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at hers. "Yes, maybe a little." He chanced a peak at her face and noticed her eyebrow arch slightly. "Alright, I'm lying a lot."

A small smile spread across her face for a moment, but then disappeared. "Why are you lying, Neelix? What's going on?"

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jetrel move into the private area for the officers wishing to speak with the Doctor. Neelix tried not to look at them for fear of drawing Sarah's attention to them, but it was too late. Her sapphire eyes had found them and she had taken the scene in. "Neelix," she whispered, hoarsely. "Why are Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry here as well? We can't all be sick, can we?"

Neelix cleared his throat. "Uh, well…"

Black eyelashes fanned out over pale skin as she closed her eyes. "Don't worry, you don't have to tell me," she breathed, lying back down on the cot. "I already know; we're dying, because we were exposed to the radiation on the planet. Doctor Jetrel mentioned that it was extremely toxic. I shouldn't have been so foolish as to think we wouldn't be affected."

"The Doctor is doing everything he can to find a treatment," Neelix tried to encourage.

"Doctor Jetrel has been working on one for years and has yet to come up with one," Sarah argued, although the usual spark was gone. "If he hasn't found one yet, I don't see our doctor finding one."

Neelix bit his lower lip. The truth was he had very little faith in Doctor Jetrel. He was after all the man who designed the weapon that had killed his family. "Maybe their combined forces will come up with something."

"I appreciate the vote of confidence, Mister Neelix," Jetrel called across the room. He had been working non stop since coming aboard _Voyager, _especially with the sick officers.

Neelix noticed that Sarah had fallen back asleep. "It was only to make her feel better. I have no confidence you'll do the right thing."

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yes, but I don't understand why."

"I have spent the last fifteen years roaming the sector, helping victims of the cascade; my travels led me here," Jetrel answered.

"Fair enough answer, but I'm not completely buying it," Neelix snapped. "Your weapon has helped kill millions. Do you honestly think you'll earn forgiveness by finding a cure? If you hadn't invented the weapon in the first place then people wouldn't be dead."

Jetrel shook his head. "If I didn't make the discovery, some other scientist would have; it was inevitable."

Neelix scowled. "Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder how you became such a monster?"

"No," Jetrel replied, lowering his head. "I knew I had become a monster the day we tested the cascade, when I saw that bright flash as the cloud descended upon Rinax. That is when I knew, Mister Neelix, that I had become a monster, and I have lived my days since trying to do what is right. I've lost my wife and three children because of this; if you think I do not suffer, that is another false pretense. I have suffered greatly, just as much as my victims."

With his back turned to Neelix he made a silent exit. The Talaxian watched as he picked his way out of the holodeck and wondered where Jetrel could possibly be going. The Doctor had set up lab facilities here on the holodeck while he treated the victims of Vicius and _Voyager's _officers. Realizing suddenly that Jetrel had left a PADD on the console had he been working at, Neelix took a hold of it, curiosity getting the best of him. It was a schematic of _Voyager's _layout and the area highlighted was the transporter room.

Puzzled Neelix looked up where Jetrel had walked through moments before. _How is a transporter going to help?_ He decided that he had to take these findings to the Captain; it appeared that Doctor Jetrel had other plans besides helping the victims of his weapon.

* * *

"Come in," Kathryn Janeway called out admittance to her ready room. She had changed into a fresh uniform and was sitting on the sofa, sipping her first cup of coffee in what felt like days. It was a clear violation of the Doctor's wishes but Kathryn was hoping that he wouldn't find out about one small cup of coffee and after the morning she had, she needed the release. Besides having one cup of coffee was not going to seriously hinder her healing efforts and learning how to walk again without a cane. At least in her mind anyways, the Doctor and Chakotay would probably have something else to say about that.

She wasn't surprised when Chakotay came into the room but she did notice that he was walking with a bit of a slump to his shoulders. "Is Harry alright?" she asked when the door swished shut behind her first officer.

Chakotay squared his shoulders before inviting himself to sit down. "I'm afraid it isn't good," he replied, eyes fixed on the carpet for a moment. He ventured to raise them to look at her face, just inches from his, the horrid look in her eyes. "He has radiation poisoning, just like Doctor Jetrel warned us of. His cells are breaking down at the atomic level. If the Doctor can't find a treatment and soon, they'll all be dead by the end of the week."

"All be dead?" Kathryn gasped slightly. "Are you telling me that Paris, Barrett, and Torres are all ill as well?"

"Yes, all of them are dying of what Doctor Jetrel calls metremia."

Kathryn placed her coffee mug down onto the table and then leaned back against the cushions, pressing her body deep into them. "I read all of their reports; they weren't on that planet for more than two minutes after the blast."

"The radiation is extremely toxic, it's doesn't take much," Chakotay answered.

She set her jaw in a look of sheer determination. "Well, then the Doctor is just going to have to come up with a treatment."

Chakotay felt his heart constrict. The pain on her face may not have been visible to someone who didn't know her very well, but he had gotten to know her well over the past four months. It was hidden, just beneath the surface; one just had to know where to look. The idea that four of her officers were terminally ill deeply saddened her. "We have to be prepared for the possibility that they won't survive, Kathryn."

She shook her head fiercely. "I won't settle for that Chakotay. I'm not about to put them in their coffins."

"Kathryn, I'm not giving up on them yet, but the reality is—."

"The reality is that we have four sick officers and the Doctor is going to make them better!"

Perhaps the information he had handed her was too much for the time being. After all she had jumped back into the thick of things without so much of an easing in period. The exhaustion was clearly written on her face and the cup of coffee was more evidence that she was draining; of course she would drink coffee even when she wasn't draining. Chakotay reached out and took her hand for a moment, allowing its icy fingers to mesh with his warm ones. "Kathryn, I know this isn't easy, I know you care for them and you want to get them all home, but denying they are dying isn't going to help them."

Kathryn's shoulders stiffened, he wasn't sure whether it was from his touch or from his words. For a moment nothing was said between the two until she took her hand back and wiped at her eyes. "I'm not in denial; a captain never abandons a member of her crew."

"I never suggested you were abandoning them, Kathryn."

Kathryn turned away from him slightly, hiding her face from his view. "We wouldn't be here if it weren't for me."

She said it so softly, Chakotay wasn't sure if he heard her right. "I don't understand, Captain."

Now she turned her eyes towards him and he could see the unshed tears glistening there. "If I had listened to you and not gone on that mission to help the Kreyole then I wouldn't have been hurt and you wouldn't have gone looking for a place to take shore leave, therefore, Harry, Tom, Sarah, and B'Elanna wouldn't have gotten radiation poisoning thanks to a super weapon."

"Kathryn, do you know how ridiculous that sounds," Chakotay chided her. Of course she would blame herself in some way. She was their captain, she was the one responsible for them; it wouldn't matter that she had no way of knowing that someone was going to attack Vicius like this, she still blamed herself. "There was no way any of us could have predicted getting thrown out into the Delta Quadrant let alone an attack of this scale. They don't blame you Kathryn."

"Maybe they should," she snapped.

"I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself, Kathryn," Chakotay replied with a soft sigh.

Her eyes closed for a moment, recalling a time, not so long ago, when her husband had said the same words to her. It had been before he'd left for the science station, she felt terrible that she couldn't take Michael with her on the_Billings._ Bryan hadn't cared, he knew her career was important to her, but she kept coming down on herself, telling him that he deserved a better wife and Michael deserved a better mother. _Katie, stop beating yourself up, _that's what he used say; but she couldn't stop, it was just in her nature. "I can't help it, call it a personality flaw."

"_Captain,_" Tuvok's voice interrupted. "_We're receiving a transmission from Bellus Prime._"

_Finally. _"I'm on my way, Janeway out." Kathryn leaned forward for a moment, resting her hands on the tops of her thighs. Maybe now they would get some answers as to why such a terrible act had happened. Suddenly feeling rejuvenated she grabbed the wooden cane and pulled herself up onto her legs. Pain shot through her tired limbs and she bit down on her lip to prevent herself from crying out. She noticed that Chakotay was hovering again as if waiting for her to collapse. "I'm fine, Commander," she gritted out, making her way slowly down the steps and out onto the bridge.

Tuvok arched an eyebrow as she painfully hobbled by but didn't comment.

"Put the transmission on screen."

An aging man with beautiful cream colored skin and dark hair appeared on the screen. Kathryn instantly felt pity for the man, seeing the pained expression on his face. If she thought that losing four of her officers was devastating she couldn't imagine what the Bellius government was going through at the moment. "I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway, thank you for answering our hails."

"I wish I was contacting you on better terms, Captain," the man said.

"I understand," Kathryn replied, softly. "We have several survivors on our ship; our doctor is working around the clock with a man who has seen this weapon before. They are doing everything they can to find a treatment. Tell me, do you have any idea who could have done this."

The lines on the man's face deepened. "No, but we've determined that the shockwave originated from a torpedo exploding just parsecs from Vicius. We've also detected another missile heading straight for Bellius Prime. We only have twelve hours to evacuate, but even with the time, at least three million people will be stuck on the planet when the weapon detonates."

Kathryn sucked in a deep breath and turned towards Tuvok. "Is there anyway that we can stop that missile?"

"It would take most of our firepower to detonate it, Captain, but even then the shockwave would still hit Bellius Prime. I'm not sure we could stop the planet's destruction at this point," the Vulcan answered.

"What if we changed its course?" Kathryn inquired getting that look in her eyes where Chakotay knew he wasn't going to like the words that came out of her mouth next. "Scan for a nearby, uninhabited planetoid."

"There is an asteroid about ten parsecs from Bellius Prime, no inhabitants," Tuvok answered, then in true Vulcan fashion, asked, "Captain, what do you intend to do?"

This is the part that Chakotay knew he wasn't going to like. Her lips quirked up into a little smile, one that reminded him of his little sister when she had hidden one of his toys on him when they were children. "I plan on altering the course of that missile, Tuvok, so it destroys an asteroid, not Bellius Prime."

With a bit of a hobble she turned back towards the screen. "We're going to do everything we can to stop that missile from impacting with Bellius Prime."

"I thank you very much for your help, Captain, for what it's worth, you've made a friend here today."

Kathryn felt a warm smile spread across her face, even if deep down inside she felt a cold fear starting to grip her. They were racing against time on two fronts; one to stop the missile from killing more innocent lives and the other, to save four officers. And right now, from the Captain's point of view they were losing both races. It was time to pick up the pace and refuse defeat

* * *

_"It's my fault, Phoebe."_

_Across the hospital room at Starfleet Medical Kathryn Janeway could see her sister stiffen with these words. The vague statement, uttered when her sister had entered the room to check up on her, was causing Phoebe to squirm. No doubt that dark look in Kathryn's eyes added to her little sister's obvious concern. "Kathryn," Phoebe said, slowly, "I'm not sure what you're getting at. What, do you think is your fault?"_

_Kathryn let out a slow breath and raised her eyes to the ceiling. "Everything, Phoebe, everything."_

_Phoebe took a few steps to enter deeper into the room. "You're talking nonsense Kathryn, it must be the drugs they have you on for the pain. Why don't you sit down and I'll have a nurse bring you something to eat."_

_A fierce look came into the older sister's eyes. "I don't want to be coddled Phoebe! Do you think I'm blind? Do you think I don't know what the doctors and the officers are whispering behind my back? It's my fault. The moment to act was upon me and I froze, quite literally I might add, but I froze none the less and they died." Kathryn turned away, not wanting to look Phoebe in the eyes, Phoebe who had always looked at the glass half full, who was still filled with so much youthful innocence and enthusiasm. Kathryn had let her down, she had let her mother down, and she had let the Tighes down. "I failed."_

_"You didn't fail, Kathryn," Phoebe argued. "There wasn't much you could have done, you were injured yourself."_

_"As a Starfleet officer I should have done everything I could to save my superiors," Kathryn stated coldly._

_"Is that all they are to you Kathryn? Superior officers?" Phoebe countered hotly. Her sister refused to answer and kept her shoulders turned away. This enraged Phoebe even more. She couldn't understand how her sister could shut off at a time like this, when she needed the emotional support. Gretchen Janeway had warned Phoebe that when harsh times were handed to Kathryn, she shut out from help, too stubborn or proud to accept that she was crumbling at the seams. "Damn it Kathryn! It was Dad and Justin that died in that shuttle! Not some nameless Lieutenant and haughty Admiral!"_

_Kathryn turned to give her an emotionless look over her shoulder. "What do you want me to do Phoebe?"_

_"Show a little emotion! Shed a tear! And don't give me that crap that Starfleet officers do not cry! Because that's ridiculous, they feel too! Don't be so damned afraid of feeling Kathryn!" Phoebe watched with growing sadness as her sister turned away again. Their mother had given up two days ago to get through to Kathryn, and grief stricken herself, had given up. "Why do you beat yourself up so much Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway?"_

_"I don't know," she whispered._

"Kathryn?"

Captain Kathryn Janeway suddenly became aware that she had lost herself in a memory and that her first officer was staring at her with concerned dark eyes. Had he been speaking to her and she completely missed it? Giving her head a little shake to clear her thoughts, she tried to slip her command mask into place, completely missing the fact that Chakotay had called her by her first name on the bridge. "Sorry, I was lost in thought I suppose." She adverted her eyes quickly, trying to focus on something else while he scrutinized her visually.

Chakotay stood above her chair. He had left the bridge fifteen minutes ago to go and check on Doctor Jetrel's progress when he returned to the bridge to find Kathryn a million light years away. "I was telling you that Doctor Jetrel is close to finding a treatment." Her eyes lifted finally and he saw the light of hope in them. "He thinks that he can use the transporter to restore their DNA to their original states."

"If it fails, it will kill them," Kathryn replied, solemnly.

"Does that matter? They don't have a lot of time as it is, Captain."

"I suppose that's true," Kathryn whispered, lowering her eyes once more. _It's my fault. _She couldn't sake the guilty feelings nor the memory of the confrontation with Phoebe after she had been rescued and returned to Earth; after her father and Justin had died in that horrible shuttle crash. The memory had surfaced fresh in her mind after Chakotay had told her that she was taking everything too hard. Phoebe had tried to say it as well, in the hospital, Kathryn had refused to listen. "Tell him to proceed as soon as possible."

Chakotay nodded his head and paused for a moment. "What about the missile, Captain?"

The missile; she had been working on a plan since they had set a course to intercept it. So far the only one she had come up with was one that she knew he wasn't going to like. "The safest plan…for _Voyager _…is if a shuttle is dispatched and uses their tractor beam to push the missile towards the asteroid we identified earlier." She saw his jaw tighten and clench. "Then we'll use a torpedo to detonate it so the cloud only engulfs the asteroid and not the inhabited moons around it."

"A shuttle may not survive being that close when it explodes, Kathryn," he told her, although it was futile, he knew she was aware of this. "We'd be asking someone to sacrifice themselves to save people they've never met before."

"I understand the risk, Commander," Kathryn whispered.

"We still have a few hours before any decisions are made, perhaps another plan will present itself," Chakotay replied, turning to go.

Kathryn closed her eyes after he was out of her sight and willed herself not to think about what she must do. As her first officer reached the turbo lift doors, Neelix came sputtering out, and his presence strangely soothed Janeway. In the face of such tragedy and despair, Neelix could still exuberate enthusiasm. She opened her eyes to see him scurrying down the steps to stand in front of her, Chakotay hovering on the top step.

"Captain! I must speak with you!"

"Yes, Mister Neelix, what is it?"

"Doctor Jetrel, he's been studying the transporter systems, I believe he is here for other purposes than to find a cure for metremia!"

Kathryn finally allowed a small smile to play on her face. "Yes, I know. He asked for permission to study them. He believes he can use them to treat the others."

Neelix looked shocked. "The transporter system? As a treatment?"

"Yes, Commander Chakotay was just going to inform Doctor Jetrel to proceed with the treatment," Kathryn informed their self proclaimed morale officer. "Unless of course you have solid evidence that his intentions aren't entirely true…"

"No, I…happened to read a PADD he left behind."

Chakotay smiled briefly before deciding that Kathryn didn't need his help and slipped into the turbolift. As it took him to his destination, he felt a cold sensation creeping all over his body. Kathryn's dark and distant look the past hour or so was haunting him, and her plan to stop the missile, he knew it was a suicide mission. He had seen similar plans devised when he had been with the Maquis, and none of those who volunteered for those missions ever came back alive. Leaning back against the turbolift walls he prayed that Tuvok would be smart enough to stall her long enough so he could get back to the bridge to stop her. Her mental state was all over the place at the moment it wouldn't surprise him if she tried to pilot the shuttle herself.

With a deep breath he stepped out of the turbolift as it came to a stop and the doors opened. He found that Kes, the Doctor, and Jetrel had already prepared to move the officers to the transporter room. B'Elanna, who looked considerably worse since the last time Chakotay had seen her, was lying on a stretcher, unconscious. Tom, Harry, and Sarah were being supported by other crew members but were awake.

Chakotay joined the group and asked for a progress report.

"We're just about ready to get started, Commander," Jetrel informed him happily. "Your doctor and I have run several holographic simulations and each one of them ended with the patient fully recovering. The odds are in our favor, Commander."

The first officer wished he could feel a bit more…enthused about the scientist's news. However, he knew the risks that they were about to take. If they failed than there would be no hope of saving them later; the officers would die right then and there on the transporter pad. "Let's get this done and over with," Chakotay finally said. "We only have a few hours before we intercept that missile and I'd like to be on the bridge for when that happens. I wish we could take you with us Doctor."

The EMH looked pleased by this statement but assured Chakotay that he wouldn't be needed. He had full confidence in the treatment that had been devised. "Kes will be there and she has been trained in basic transporter accidents. If anything goes wrong, I'm sure she will be able to handle it."

"No offense Doc," Tom Paris quipped. "But our DNA is going to be rewritten; if something goes wrong, I don't think they'll be anything Kes can do for us."

"Can we get this over with?" Harry Kim spoke up. "I'm nervous as it is."

Chakotay nodded his head and they proceeded to leave the holodeck and make their way to the transporter room. The Doctor's confidence in the procedure was not helping to ease his nerves. In fact it made him more anxious. A few holographic simulations were nothing like the real thing. But at this point what options did they have? Jetrel had informed the Commander when he had last checked on his progress that the radiation was acting faster on the officers than the survivors of Vicius because it had been formed from an element that was native to this sector. Species throughout the region had adapted to live with this element and therefore it slowed the radiation's progress. _Voyager's _officers on the other hand were being assaulted, viciously.

If they didn't come up with a treatment plan and soon, the officers would be dead by the next evening. So, the risks aside, it was their only option at this point. The Doctor and Jetrel had worked non stop since the alien had come on board. Chakotay was just going to have to trust blindly that it would work.

He stood to the side while the crewmen helped the officers get up on the transporter pad. It took two of them to lift B'Elanna off of the stretcher and place her down. Chakotay noticed that the others were in so much pain and so weak that they couldn't even stand. The crew made sure they were comfortably lying on the pad before stepping down and leaving. He glanced over his shoulder to find that Joe Carey was the one operating the transporter and he was glad that someone had thought of putting a skilled engineer at the controls.

"Whenever you're ready, Doctor Jetrel," Chakotay commanded.

Jetrel climbed up to the control station with Carey and instructed him to enter the officer's original DNA patterns. "After we initialized the transporter beam it is vital that we enter the DNA resequencing before they come out of the beam, otherwise, they're molecules will be scattered throughout this room."

"How comforting," Tom mumbled while Carey began to set up the transporter. He glanced to his right to see Harry staring at the ceiling. To his left was Sarah, her sapphire eyes fixed on him. "I never thought it would come to this, having my molecules scattered throughout space," he whispered to her, a sad smile spreading across his face.

"Did you think you would die old and wrinkled?" she asked him, smiling back.

"Well, yes. Why doesn't sound like me?"

"If it makes you feel better, I'm glad I'm getting my molecules scattered with you and not by myself," Sarah said.

"We're ready Commander," Carey announced from the control station. "I've set the transport to last only thirty seconds."

"That's all it should take," Jetrel proclaimed confidently.

Tom watched as Sarah closed her eyes and then he turn did the same, waiting for the familiar sensation of the transporter beam to sweep him up. It wasn't long in coming. He felt his body begin to tingle as the world around him went dark.

Chakotay watched as the four officers were swept up into the transporter beam. Carey announced that he was entering the resequenced DNA into their patterns. He found that he was holding his breath for this was the moment of truth. If the patterns did not accept the new DNA then Harry, B'Elanna, Tom and Sarah would be lost to space. For a moment everything seemed to be checking out alright, the officers were coming out of the beam, but then a warning blare sounding and Carey shouted, in a panic laced voice, "Something's wrong!"

All the first officer could do was stand by helplessly.

* * *


	68. Chapter 68

* * *

"Something's wrong! I'm loosing their patterns!"

Chakotay bounded up the steps to the control station. His heart was hammering in his chest. "Widen the confinement beam!" he ordered, watching desperately the blue shimmering figures on the transporter pad. Large fingers trembled as he offered a helping hand to the engineer standing to his right. Fear gripped him almost as deadly in its grasp as it had when Kathryn had been injured; her face flashed before his eyes when he told her the officer's fate. _Spirits if they die now, Kathryn will surely die with them. She'll never recover this loss, she cares about them, is getting close to them. _"We're losing power to the transporter!"

"Reverting all available power to the buffers," Carey called out, his face straining.

"Commander Chakotay," Jetrel said, "The longer they stay in the beam the less likely they will be cured."

"I'm aware of that, Doctor Jetrel!" Chakotay snapped, at wit's end. _But I'll be damned if I'm giving up on them just yet. _"I don't care where you get the power from Carey, even if you have to cut life support to this deck!" He noticed Carey nod his head solemnly. Chakotay tried to calm his own haggard breathing. All he could hear was the whine of the transporter and the beating of his heart as the blood assaulted his ear drums. He had faced horrors worse than this before in the past and never had he felt so shaken, but the reason for this he knew, it was there, a lingering thought; he had to save them for Kathryn.

"Got'em!" Carey screamed, cutting through the intense silence.

The first officer watched as the transporter disengaged and the four officers materialized where they had been lying a few seconds before. It was hard to believe that this ordeal had only lasted a minute. Chakotay moved off of the control pad and towards the transporter pad. The officers weren't moving and he feared the worst, that they hadn't pulled them back in time to save them. Kes was examining Tom Paris' limp form and her face was hidden from Chakotay. He felt like screaming at her to go faster as he stood there on the steps lingering.

Kes moved to Harry next and scanned him, and then B'Elanna, and finally Sarah, each time moving silently. Chakotay was finding that he was getting increasingly impatient. "Well?" he blurted out not able to contain himself anymore. "Are they alive?"

As if responding he noticed Sarah's eyes flutter open groggily, and then Paris' followed suit. He felt some of the weight lift from his shoulders and the tension slowly started to leave his body as Kes gave a report. "Lieutenant Barrett and Lieutenant Paris seem to responding well to the treatment. The Doctor said it could take a few hours for us to know if it worked or not. I'll have them brought back to the holodeck so he can examine them, Commander," the young Ocampa nurse informed him.

"Why aren't the others awake?"

"There could be a number of reasons, Commander," Jetrel said. "First off all, Miss Torres was not awake when we started. However it seems that their life signs are stable."

Chakotay sighed in relief and rubbed a hand over his tired face. For a moment he collected his thoughts and listened to the sounds of the conscious officers answering Kes' questions and Kes' giving them reports on their condition. He heard Harry finally wake up with a little quip about being alive and he smiled, for the first time in days. "Kes, I have to report back to the bridge. Doctor Jetrel, congratulations."

Jetrel beamed at him before the first officer disappeared back into the corridor. _One problem down, one more to go. _He wasn't sure how he was going to stop Kathryn from launching that damn shuttle with herself in it, without relieving her of duty formally. It could result in brig time but it was a risk that Chakotay was willing to take. After having come so close to losing her a few days before he wasn't about to go through with it all again and truly lose her this time. Kathryn was compassionate and selfless but sometimes she was a little too selfless for his liking. Just for once he wished that she would think of herself and the consequences such an action would have on the crew and her family.

The doors to the turbolift opened and he stepped out onto the bridge. Neelix was still sitting with her. _Bless him, _Chakotay thought, _he must realize as much as the rest of us that this whole situation is killing her. _If ever there was a time that Kathryn needed her morale lifted, it was now.

Chakotay strode down into the command station and took his seat. He noticed Kathryn look at him with questioning eyes and Neelix stop mid sentence to hear what he had to say. "We almost lost them for a moment, but Lieutenant Carey managed to save them. So far it seems that they are responding well to treatment. It won't be long before they're stepping on your toes again, well, at least Sarah, Tom, and B'Elanna will be." He gave her a grin for good measure and saw the tension ease out of her shoulders.

"That's good to know, I'd get bored without them," Kathryn countered. "Unfortunately our work isn't done yet. The missile has picked up speed, if we're going to try and detonate it, we have to launch in fifteen minutes." He saw her jaw clench for a moment and then her eyes, glassy with unshed tears, looked upon his face. "Can I see you in my ready room for a moment Commander?"

"Of course," he replied, getting up and following her into the private sanctuary.

Her back was to him as she stood facing her desk. Chakotay waited for her to speak, although he was pretty sure he knew what she was going to say. She was about to tell him that she was the one who was going to be taking the shuttle to stop the missile. He had been preparing himself for this when she had divulged her plan to him. He was sure that she had asked him into the privacy of her ready room to hand over command of her ship, custody of her children as well perhaps. But he wasn't about to let her waltz out of this room to certain death.

"Over the last four months I've come to trust you and one could argue that we've become friends," Kathryn started a slight waver in her voice.

"The feeling is mutual," he responded, keeping his voice even.

"I'm not sure I could do this with a different first officer," she said. "Do you believe in fate, Commander?"

"I believe that all things happen for a reason," he answered. "Do you believe in fate, Captain?"

"Not until the night that Ava fell asleep in your arms," Kathryn said, turning to face him. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. "I was afraid for a long time that she would never know the comfort of a father. You may not be her father, Chakotay, but you give her the comfort that a father would. That has to be the working of fate, does it not? To bring us all together this way?"

Chakotay let a silence pass between them for a moment. "Kathryn, why does it sound like you're saying good bye?"

"Because, I may not come back from this mission."

"Who says you're going on this mission alone?"

"I won't ask anyone on this crew to volunteer for this mission and I'm not about to ordered them to sacrifice their life," Kathryn argued, her command mask slipping into place. "You'll get the crew home, Chakotay, I have faith in you."

It was his turn to glare at her. "I'm not about to let you get in a shuttle by yourself and go on some suicide mission. There's a way that _Voyager _can accomplish this safely. If we time it right we can jump to warp before the shockwave even impacts the ship. We could fortify the forward shields! Damn it Kathryn! There are other ways without sacrificing yourself!"

Kathryn pressed her lips tightly together. "I won't run the risk of destroying this ship."

"This isn't our war to be fighting."

"If we don't stop that missile, millions of people will die."

"So your alternative is to destroy yourself?"

"I see it as our only option. We have a duty to offer humanitarian aide."

Chakotay took a shuddering breath. "You're leaving me no choice then, Kathryn."

"No choice? What do you mean by no choice?"

He tapped his combadge. "Chakotay to the Doctor, is Lieutenant Barrett well enough to come up to the ready room?"

"_Other than needing a good night's sleep, she is fine, Commander._"

"Send her up here, Chakotay out."

Kathryn was eyeing him suspiciously. She wasn't sure why he was asking Sarah to report to the ready room. If he wanted to relieve her, he could do it himself. Perhaps that's what she wanted him to do, since the moment they entered the ready room. She wanted him to remove her from duty so she wouldn't have to go on that deadly mission. If she was honest with herself she was terrified of what she had to do, so why was she so adamant about not letting _Voyager _destroy the missile? _No, I can't put them in anymore danger than I already have. I _have _to be the one to destroy that missile, to keep them all safe, can't he see that? _

The doors to the ready room slid open and an exhausted looking Sarah Barrett stepped into the room. "You wanted to see me Commander?"

"Captain Janeway seems to think that the only way to destroy the missile heading for Bellus Prime is to use a shuttle to tractor it closer to an asteroid and then detonate it," Chakotay informed her.

"Wouldn't that result in the shuttle being destroyed, sir?"

"It would."

"It's the only way to keep _Voyager _safe," Kathryn argued.

"You'd be asking one of us to die for you Captain, is that what you want?"

The young woman's question cut through her very soul. She visibly shivered before turning away. "I wouldn't ask one of my crew to take on such a mission that would result in his or her death." She refused to continue the conversation and kept her back to the other two officers in the room with her.

"You're going to pilot the shuttle aren't you?"

"Yes."

Chakotay saw the counselor stiffen. "Clearly she isn't thinking rationally, Lieutenant."

"Sir?"

"I want you to relive her of duty, for emotional instability; she's suffering post traumatic stress from her injuries and there fore thinks that the only way to rectify what she has done, stranding us in the Delta Quadrant, is to sacrifice herself," Chakotay said in a firm voice even though on the inside his stomach was tossing and turning. Kathryn would surely throw him in the brig for this once it was all over but at least she would be alive to do so. "Restrict her command codes. You have the authorization."

Sarah's face paled as Kathryn turned to glare at both of them. The Captain raised her chin in defiance, as if daring the young woman to do what the first officer was requesting. But she knew that this was Chakotay's last resort to save their captain. Sarah knew it was selfish, but she couldn't lose Kathryn Janeway, the woman had been her savior, had pulled her from the ashes on more than one occasion. She couldn't lose that strength, not yet, not until she learned how to maintain her own strength by herself. "I'm sorry ma'am. Captain Kathryn Janeway I formally relieve you of command. Computer, restrict all Janeway command codes, authorization Barrett alpha pie three four seven."

"_Acknowledged. Janeway command codes are here by restricted until further notice._"

"Kathryn," Chakotay said, breaking the awkward silence between them, "don't make me get security to escort you back to your quarters."

"Well, since I can't do anything until Sarah lifts the restriction, I guess you're leaving me with no other choice," Kathryn snapped proceeding to leave the ready room. "I only hope that your plan works Commander or it will be more than just me dead."

Chakotay watched her go. _I hope it works too, Kathryn._

He stood there, staring at the doors for the longest time. Had he had just done that? Had he just breached their trust? She always put the crew's needs before her own, why couldn't he put them before his own? Now, as he stood there in the silence of her ready room, he was terrified he had lost what they had so tentatively built. Gently he rubbed a hand over his face. _She left you with no choice, _he tried to tell himself. _You had to do it, if not for yourself, but for the crew. _

"It _was _your only choice," a voice said behind him. He had almost forgotten she was there. "She knows that, Commander."

"Does she?" Chakotay asked, turning about to face Sarah.

"A part of her wanted you to do it," Sarah countered, softly.

Feeling a little bit relieved, but not much, Chakotay set his jaw. "It doesn't change that I did it. I crossed some invisible line that had been etched in the sand since the beginning. But it's over now and we have a job to do." He swiftly exited the ready room, unaware that Sarah had followed him. He glanced slightly at a puzzled Tuvok. "Do we have enough power to fortify the forward shields?"

"If we reroute power from the aft shields it should prove to be adequate," Tuvok replied. "Why do you ask Commander?"

"Because we're going to destroy that missile," Chakotay answered, moving towards the command station. "Ensign, move us into position to tractor the missile onto a new course. Tuvok, prepare to fire one photon torpedo once we're in position. Lang, open a channel to Bellus Prime."

There were a slew of "aye sirs" before the face of the aging Bellian prime minister appeared on the screen. "Commander Chakotay."

"We're almost ready to attempt to destroy the missile, Prime Minister."

"Very well, if you're successful, the Bellius government is already planning a celebration for you and your crew," the Prime Minister replied, with a weary smile.

Chakotay felt like frowning, but kept his command mask in place. "Don't thank us just, yet, Prime Minister."

"We're in position, Commander," the helmsman informed him.

"Good luck, Commander," the Prime Minister encouraged before the screen went blank.

He took a calming breath before turning slightly towards Tuvok. "Lock on the tractor beam," he ordered, sitting down in his seat. He may have relieved Kathryn of duty, but he wasn't about to take her chair. It was a ridiculous thought, but to him that would have been leaping over the line that he had just so dangerously crossed. Why push things? He waited for Tuvok to patiently tell him that they had locked onto the missile with a tractor beam. "Push it to its new course, Commander."

"Aye sir," Tuvok replied, entering the correct orders into the computer. _Voyager _jolted slightly. "It seems that the missile is programmed to resist tractor beams. I'm attempting to compensate."

Chakotay held onto the sides of his seat tightly as the ship began to buck and sway violently. _Just a little bit longer, _he thought as a console blew behind him. Neelix seated to his left ducked. He himself flinched instinctively. _If Kathryn had taken the shuttle she would have been ripped apart before even getting the missile on its new course. _"Status Mister Tuvok!"

"The missile should be in place in one minute," Tuvok yelled over the explosions and groaning of hull plates.

_Hold together Voyager, _Chakotay prayed silently. Another console blew and he heard a crewman scream. Closing his eyes for a moment he tried to gather his thoughts and focus on the task at hand. But Kathryn's pain stricken face, when he had told her that the others were dying, kept flashing before his eyes. If this plan resulted in the death of even one crew member he knew that the gap between them, that he had caused by relieving her of duty, would be harder to bridge. His eyes snapped open when the ship veered suddenly to the right. Baytart at conn was flying through the air and the ship was spinning. Without even thinking he gasped, "Sarah!"

She was the closest to the helm, clinging to the engineering station. Staggering towards the helm, she pulled her weak form up into the seat and desperately tried to keep the ship aligned while Tuvok pushed the missile towards the asteroid. "We're almost in range of the asteroid!"

"Tuvok!"

"The missile is in place, Commander."

"Sarah, once that torpedo is fired reverse course!" Chakotay exclaimed getting to his feet. "Release the tractor beam!"

"Tractor beam released."

"Fire!"

As he watched the torpedo burst from _Voyager _on the viewscreen he felt the ship lurch backwards violently as Sarah reversed their course. "All power to the forward shields," Chakotay ordered as the torpedo came upon its mark. The missile exploded in a brilliant ball of oranges and reds before fading to the toxic purple and pink cloud. It engulfed the asteroid and _Voyager _rocked slightly from the shockwave. When it was all over the bridge was silent with the exception of the instruments and readings beeping. "Tuvok, report."

"We have sustained minimal damage, Commander," Tuvok replied. "Minor hull breaches on decks four, ten, and fifteen. Repair crews have been dispatched. The gas cloud has completely engulfed the asteroid and is not moving towards the planet."

Chakotay leaned his head back slightly and let out a small breath. He reached out and patted Sarah on the shoulder, needing the touch more than she did.

"Sir," the young counselor quipped looking up at him. "I hate to break up the party, but I'm exhausted."

He chuckled and motioned for Neelix to escort Sarah back to the comforts of triage. "Tuvok," he told the Vulcan as the others left the bridge, "tell the Prime Minister that he is going to have guests."

* * *

_First Officer's log supplemental; Lieutenant Barrett has reinstated Captain Janeway's command codes, but not before the Doctor approved. Doctor Jetrel has been able to expand his treatment of metrumia to an antibody thanks to the transporter treatment we used on Paris, Kim, Torres, and Barrett; the Prime Minister of Bellius has invited the crew down to the surface of their planet to formally thank us in what humans would call a 'black tie' affair. It will be a welcomed change of pace._

* * *

"Neelix, come to say goodbye," Doctor Jetrel asked as the Talaxian entered the transporter room.

"I came to…I came to tell you that…I forgive you," Neelix said, playing with his hands. After he had learned that the treatment for the officers had worked he began to wonder if Jetrel was just a misguided soul, looking for his way back, that he wasn't a monster after all. Neelix had begun to feel bad that he had hated the man for so long. "I realized the other day when your treatment cured the others that I was holding a grudge against a man that probably didn't deserve it."

Jetrel frowned. "I deserved every bit of hate, Neelix."

"No you didn't," Neelix protested. "It takes a courageous man to admit he was wrong."

"I knew I was wrong the moment that weapon was fired," Jetrel said. "At least now I know I have partially redeemed myself. Even if others still insist on using it, at least I have the good fortune of knowing that I did what I could to make sure that they don't all die from it."

Neelix gave him a curt nod of his head. "Where will you go now?"

"I'm going to help the Bellian government track down who used the weapon against them," Jetrel replied. "I still have some standing in my own government. I will be able to get the records of the species that were inquiring about the technology. Hopefully that will lead us to an answer. And _Voyager_?"

"We'll be on our way after the Prime Minister's gala," Neelix informed him.

"Well, I wish you the best of luck, Mister Neelix, to you and your crew."

Neelix smiled sadly. "The same to you, Doctor." He turned towards the transporter chief and nodded his head. As he turned back the transporter whined to life and he watched as the man he once hated more than anything disappeared from the transporter pad. Turning on his heel he left the transporter room with a new outlook on where his life was going.

* * *


	69. Chapter 69

* * *

Tom Paris waited for the turbolift, idly rocking back and forth on his heels and adjusting the bow tie to his tuxedo. Neelix had informed the senior staff that dress uniforms would simply not do for this type of occasion and that the Bellians were known for the elegant parties that they threw throughout the sector. Tom was agitated to say the least about having to use his replicator rations to reproduce a tux. He immediately rethought the disappointment when the doors to the turbolift swished open with a soft hiss revealing two Bellian women wearing cream colored gowns that seemed to just blend with their skin. _I guess this black tie affair isn't so bad after all_, Tom smiled, getting ready to offer a greeting, when one of the women looked up and he was looking right into Sarah's eyes.

Tom's mouth must have been hanging open slightly, she quirked a grin. The cream colored gown was strapless, revealing her slender shoulders and collarbone, the dark blue sash made her eyes pop and he was embarrassed that he had not even recognized her. "Lieutenant Paris," she greeted.

"The Prime Minister and his wife wanted a tour of _Voyager_ before the dinner, we were just heading back to the surface," Sarah told him, still holding that quirky little grin in place.

For the first time Tom noticed the aging Prime Minister in the turbolift with Sarah and the man's wife. "Oh, welcome aboard, sir."

"It's a pleasure to be here," the Prime Minister beamed. "You have a magnificent ship."

"A tough little ship," Tom quipped.

"Indeed."

"We were on our way to the transporter room," Sarah said, raising her eyebrows to indicate that she wanted Tom to move out of their way. Apparently he had no idea that his tall form was blocking their path.

Tom looked slightly confused and then said, "I was on my way to get Harry, but…" he held his arm out for her, "I think he can escort himself to the planet." He poured on the charm for her with his smile. "Shall I do the honors, Lieutenant?"

"I was afraid that I was going to have to order you," Sarah teased, placing her hand in the nook of his arm.

The helmsman stepped aside to allow the Prime Minister to escort his wife out of the turbolift and swept his arm out to the side, "this way Prime Minister. Is there anything else about _Voyager_ that you'd like to know? Sarah isn't known for her engineering feats," he teased with a slight wink the counselor's way as the two couples walked down the corridors, the men's tux tails and the woman's gowns trailing behind them.

"Actually, Lieutenant Barrett was quite knowledgeable, Mister Paris," the Prime Minister replied. "She spoke highly of you."

Tom caught the slight blush that rose in Sarah's cheeks. "Really?"

"You're a good pilot," she argued.

"Just good?"

She mocked death glared him as they entered the transporter room. Neelix, dressed in some outlandish dress suit, and Kes, wearing an exquisite gown of red, were a waiting transport. Their self imposed morale officer stepped forward greeting the Prime Minister and his wife, giving the woman a small kiss on the hand, a gesture that he had learned from the Federation database no doubt. Tom felt himself bristle when Neelix did it to Sarah. _I can't believe you're getting jealous of Neelix, he's head over heels for Kes_, Tom, he chided himself.

"You look lovely this evening, Counselor," Neelix complimented with a smile.

Tom nearly cursed out loud. She had knocked his socks off when the doors to the turbolift opened and she raised her head. She looked more than lovely, she looked amazing and he hadn't told her. _Idiot!_

"Lieutenant Barrett, the surface is ready to receive your party," the ensign at the controls said.

"Prime Minister, when you're ready, we'll depart," Sarah said, diplomatically gesturing to the transporter pad.

The Prime Minister and his wife climbed up first, followed by Neelix and Kes, and then finally Sarah and Tom. The counselor gave the ensign at the station the order to energize. The transporter beam swept them up and deposited them in a lavish hall, decorated with delicate fabric and exotic flowers with strong aromas. Eloquently dressed Bellian officials and their spouses, along with officers from _Voyager _moved about, tasting the food and drink of the buffet table. It was the Prime Minister's turn to be diplomatic and he led the group towards the buffet table.

As they walked Tom caught a flash of green gown and then a head of black hair. He spun about sharply, jerking Sarah about with him, who almost toppled into a waiter carrying a try of what looked like champagne. "Harry?"

Harry Kim looked like a kid who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Oh, hi Tom."

"Oh hi?" Tom snapped. "Wasn't I supposed to meet you to come here?"

"Sorry, B'Elanna stopped by first and—wait a minute! It looks like you forgot about me too!" Harry accused.

Tom blushed slightly. "That's beside the point."

"It is?"

"Yeah."

"Boys," B'Elanna interrupted, wearing a sparkling green gown. Tom could see why Harry had ditched him, she looked stunning."Do you think you could stop bickering long enough to find a place to sit and grab something to eat? This is the first real food we've had in months." She turned about leading the way, Sarah trailing closely behind her, leaving the two young men watching them move gracefully away.

"I can't believe you stood me up for a girl," Tom muttered.

"Me? What about you?" Harry questioned with a chuckle.

Tom stuffed his hands in the pockets of his suit coat. "I ran into Sarah, she didn't show up looking for me."

"You still traded me in for her," Harry pointed out grinning as they followed behind the girls.

His best friend grinned from ear to ear. "Well of course I did. She looks better in a dress."

* * *

"Mama!"

Kathryn Janeway had little time to react as a toddler's body impacted with her legs. Stumbling slightly, almost tripping over her gown for the Prime Minister's gala, she looked down to see Ava burying her small face into the dress. It was the first time that the child had seen her mother since she had been staying in sickbay. Sarah and Chakotay had felt that the little girl would better adjust to her mother's absence if she was truly absent. Michael had been allowed to visit, bringing Kathryn pictures he had drawn and ones that Ava had scribbled. She had taken them all down and packed them away in a drawer for another day. Even though it killed her legs, she knelt down and took the child's face in her hands. "Hi my little bird."

In the short time that Kathryn was away from her children she could already see that Ava had grown. She was starting to lose her baby face. "Mama wear dress?"

"Yes, I have a party to go to," Kathryn told her smoothing her curls.

"Ava go?"

"No, baby, you're going to stay here with Tal and your brother."

Kathryn thought she would protest, but Ava whirled her head about to look at Chakotay standing in the doorway to her mother's bedroom. He had picked the children up from the school room and given Tal some time to get dinner before taking on a double shift of baby-sitting. "Kotay go?"

"Yes, Commander Chakotay is going, too," Kathryn said, with a bit of sternness in her voice. Even though she wasn't angry at him for what he had forced Sarah to do, she couldn't just go back to the way things were. He had betrayed her trust by pulling the rug out from underneath her like that. Of course, she didn't blame him. But if he thought she accepted being relieved of duty when her orders put her in harm's way, he'd do it all the time.

Ava grabbed the first officer by the hand. "Check for monsters first."

Chakotay looked at Kathryn for approval. The last two days while _Voyager_ had been in orbit of Bellus Prime, making repairs and preparing for the Prime Minister's event, Kathryn had been cold, formal with him. Even the reinstatement of her command codes wasn't breaking the ice. He didn't want to step on toes anymore than he already had by checking for monsters underneath Ava's crib. The toddler was tugging at his hand.

"Kotay, please?"

Kathryn straightened her form and he saw the features on her face soften. "It's alright, Chakotay. I'll finish getting ready while you make sure there are no monsters."

Chakotay flashed her a small smile, picked Ava up and went into the toddler's room. While he checked every last inch of Ava's room for monsters, Kathryn grabbed the shawl that matched her navy blue gown and moved into the living room. Michael was setting up a board game to play when Tal showed up. She brushed her hand through his hair and it caused him to turn his face up to her. For a moment Bryan was staring back at her and she was jolted back to reality. She had almost sacrificed herself to save a stranger, she almost abandoned her children, Bryan's children, to make sure a race survived. Closing her eyes for a moment she gasped and covered her mouth. Chakotay had seen what she had not.

"Alright, there's no monsters," Chakotay proclaimed coming back into the living room. Seeing Kathryn's back to him, he wondered if she had even heard him. She looked stiff. "Kathryn?"

Slowly she dropped her hand from her mouth and opened her eyes and turned to face him. He was gazing at her with concerned eyes, he was always concerned about her, she wished she didn't feel so awful about that. "I was thinking."

"Oh?" he replied, quirking an eyebrow.

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter."

Chakotay sighed as the door chime rang out. He straightened his tux and watched as a nervous Samantha Wildman entered the room. Her hands were on her stomach as if she was trying to hide the fact that she had put on a little weight.

"Captain, Commander, I'm…sorry, this is a bad time…I'll leave," Wildman sputtered, trying to make a quick exit.

"Samantha," Kathryn said gently, grabbing her arm. "Lieutenant Barrett mentioned you had to talk to me. Is everything alright?"

"How much did Lieutenant Barrett tell you?"

"Just that you were feeling a little under the weather, why?"

Wildman rubbed her belly, eyeing the first officer. "I…it's just…it's more than being under the weather Captain. I…don't even know…that is to say, I'm not sure if this goes against any policy you might have created."

"A policy I've created; what kind of policy?" Kathryn asked growing more concerned.

"About families."

"Families?"

"Yes," Wildman whispered, "the rumor is that…that you wouldn't support crew members wanting to start families."

Kathryn felt her face go pale, letting go of the Ensign's arm. A generational ship? She had never actually considered it, but it shouldn't surprise her that other people were thinking about it. After all, they were seventy five years from home; they would need replacement crew if they didn't find a shorter way. And then it hit her on what Samantha was trying to tell her. "Ensign, are you pregnant?"

"Yes ma'am."

Chakotay felt his hands fall from his pockets. He didn't know why but it never occurred to him that they could one day have more children running around this ship besides Ava and Michael. He found himself speechless, standing there with a dumbfounded look on his face as Wildman searched the faces of her commanding officers for reactions. Thankfully Kathryn was a bit more eloquent than himself, probably drawing from experience of having to tell her commanding officer she was pregnant.

Kathryn cracked a smile. "Congratulations, Ensign."

"You mean, you don't object?"

"No," the Captain whispered. "I would never tell you to give up your baby, for any reason."

Wildman let her hands drop from her stomach and the commanding officers could see the slight bulge of her stomach. A great weight looked like it had lifted from her shoulders as she thanked them and left them in stunning silence. Michael was the one to break it.

"We're having a baby?" he asked excitedly.

Kathryn looked at him with warm eyes and smiled. "Yes, I suppose we are."

* * *


	70. Chapter 70: Glimpse

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: This story was not my own, the idea was given to me by a loyal reader :) **Maja, **I'm glad you liked the new part and your reviews always make me smile hugs.

* * *

_**GLIMPSE**_

_Her mother was smiling at her, the one she used when she was trying to soften a blow to her daughter. Ava had seen it before, hundreds of times on this journey home. Kathryn was going away and would be missing the tea party that Ava had worked so hard on with the only other child on board Voyager, Samantha Wildman's little girl. Kathryn didn't mean it, but her job always came first, especially after Michael had been taken from them. Nothing was more important to Kathryn than getting the ship home, well maybe with the exception of Chakotay. Kathryn and Chakotay went everywhere together, away missions, parties, even lunch. There was never one without the other it seemed these days. _

_So Chakotay was present as Kathryn gave her daughter the news. Ava was seated on the couch in the ready room. Kathryn never called her to the ready room unless she was going somewhere. _

_Her feet didn't reach the floor. She looked at her red shoes, how they stuck out against the gray Starfleet carpet. She hated Starfleet carpets. They were boring. She wished that they could tear them up in her room and put something much more soothing, warm toned down. The ship could use a little brightening. Even the people seemed to be getting colder. Of course, Sarah Barrett and B'Elanna Torres dying in a horrific shuttle crash had helped those matters. Tom Paris had shut himself up in his quarters for days before Kathryn went and dragged him, literally, to the bridge. But he wasn't the same, his smile never reached his eyes anymore; he never teased or played or joked. _

_Ava hated the Delta Quadrant. It had taken her brother, her teacher, and it was slowly taking away her mother. The best way to deal with it was to look at life like Tuvok would. She buried emotions deep within her and stuck to logic; the logic of a five year old that is. _

_"Ava, I'm going away for a while," Kathryn said, handing her a cup of warm milk, the drink her mother used to soothe her. "When I get back I promise to take you on a holodeck trip, but it's very important that I accompany Chakotay. If we make friends here then we'll have safe passage throughout this entire sector. That's very important to me, honey. It means Voyager gets closer to home without so much as a scratch on her hull. You understand, don't you honey?" _

_Yes, she understood. Voyager was hardly the pristine ship it had been five years ago when it had left the ship yards. That didn't stop the hurt. Quickly she thought of Tuvok and looked at the logic of the situation. "I understand." _

_Kathryn was concerned about her daughter's lack of emotional response lately. Chakotay promised her it was just a phase, the Captain wasn't so sure. She smiled some more, this time the smile not nearly as bright. Gently she reached out and tucked a piece of Ava's auburn hair behind her ear. "It will only be for a few days, honey. When I get back you'll have all the time you want with me." _

_"Promise?" _

_"Promise." _

_Such a hollow word she would later come to learn. Kathryn and Chakotay walked her back to her room. Her mother gave her a kiss good bye and life went on, as usual. She spent it playing games with Neelix and sitting on Tom's lap while Voyager maintained the orbit of a rather boring looking planet. When Tal had come to get her several hours later and pulled a sleepy Ava off of the helmsman's lap she had already learned how to bring the ship up to half impulse and set a simple course. _

_Tal put her to bed in her clothes that night, minus her red shoes. B'Elanna had given her those shoes, on her last birthday, before she was killed when her shuttle was shot down by enemy forces. Ava was outgrowing them, but she didn't want to take them off. B'Elanna had been like a big sister, losing the shoes meant she was gone forever too, another innocent victim of the Delta Quadrant. _

_Ava hated the Delta Quadrant. She was about to learn to loathe it. _

_Chakotay woke her up, at what time she wasn't sure. She opened her eyes to see him standing over her, his uniform tattered and dark stains covered the front. "Come sit on the sofa with me." _

_He didn't wait for her response, just left the room. Ava pushed the blankets off of her and followed him. He was sitting on the sofa, his large from outlined in the shimmering planet below them. His head was bowed and his shoulders slumped. Ava noticed the gash across his left hand. Why hadn't he gone to see the Doctor? Why wasn't Kathryn with him? "Where's Mama?" _

_The simple question seemed to break the last bit of resolve Chakotay had. "We were allowed to leave the conference center to explore the city. We were assured that there wasn't any danger. I left my phaser behind._" _He paused,searching her face, tears gathering in his dark eyes. "I'm sorry Ava, I'm so sorry. We didn't see him until it was too late. Your mother…she tried to fight him off but couldn't, he over powered her before I could help her. There was nothing I could do but hold her while she died. She told me…to tell you she loves you." _

_Ava didn't flinch, perhaps hardened by so many deaths of people she cared for already in this quadrant. "You promised Michael to take care of her." It was the only memory she had of her brother, him begging Chakotay to take care of their mother, to protect her. And Chakotay had broken it, had torn away every ounce of trust that she and her brother had given him. _

_"I know, Ava, I'm sorry I broke that promise." _

_For the first time she showed some emotion, an angry look came over her face. "Mama trusted you!" _

_Chakotay's face contorted with hurt and anguish. "I know," he whispered before rising off of the sofa and leaving. It was the last time Ava saw him alive. Three hours later Tuvok showed up with Tom and informed her that Chakotay had been killed when he returned to the planet, lusting for revenge and seeking justice for the child that had lost her mother. _

_"Warning, alien vessel approaching,_" the computer interrupted her thought process as eighteen year old Ava Janeway a woke with a jolt. She had been dozing again, that same awful dream of the night her mother had been murdered walking the streets of some alien world. Kathryn had been murdered to be made into a scapegoat, they cried she was a violent outsider and attacked first, and since Chakotay had been killed when he went back to get revenge, there was no one to dispel the story. "_Warning, alien vessel approaching._"

Ava frowned. "I heard you the first time," she snapped under her breath. "Computer, identify the alien vessel." She was in a dangerous region of space, well, most of the Delta Quadrant was, but this region was by far one of the worst ones that _Voyager _had ever encountered.

"_The vessel is a Kazon scout ship._"

_Damn. _"Computer, dispatch an automated distress buoy to _Voyager._"

"_Buoy launched._"

Out of the view port she could see the Kazon ship approaching. "Alright Uncle Tom, here's hoping those flying lessons come in handy."

* * *

"I really insist that you take it easy, Captain," the Doctor chided his patient.

Kathryn Janeway shook her head. "I understand that my legs still aren't completely healed, but I have a ship to run. Besides a little bit of discomfort, I'm fine. We're in the middle of a solar system survey and it's very important that I'm present. Now, am I free to go back to my bridge?"

The Doctor sighed angrily. "Commander Chakotay is perfectly capable of handling _Voyager_ and this mission. He did fine in your absence when you were unconscious. I don't understand why you can't take a few more days of rest to ensure that your legs completely heal. If you were to be injured again before they heal then it might not be possible to fix them again! You're very lucky to be up and walking about as it is Captain."

She glared at him. "Thank you Doctor, for your concerns, but I fully understand the risks." She attempted to get off the biobed, but the hologram stood in her way.

"I'm not sure you do," the Doctor accused.

"Are you going to relieve me of duty as well?" Kathryn countered hotly.

He frowned. "As much as I wish I could, your injuries aren't impairing your judgment."

"_Captain Janeway to the bridge._"

_Saved by the bell, _Kathryn thought as she jumped down from the bed and left sickbay. Once enclosed in the privacy of the turbolift she closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh. The truth was she wasn't feeling _fine, _she was exhausted. Jumping back into the thick of things was proving to be difficult, but she was stubborn and determined to not let her injuries stand in her way of commanding her ship. The Doctor and Chakotay didn't like it but she wasn't going to let their concerns get the best of her. If she stopped every time one of them recommended rest to her she'd never get anything done on this ship. The doors of the lift swished open and Kathryn opened her eyes, stepping out. "Report."

"We're picking a distress signal about a parsec from here, a shuttle craft under attack by the Kazon," Chakotay replied watching as the petite captain made her way down the command steps to stand with him. "It's a Federation message buoy."

"Federation?" Kathryn repeated with a hopeful tone to her voice.

"Yes, preliminary scans indicate it might come from _Voyager,_" Chakotay said. "It definitely comes from an Intrepid class ship."

"From _Voyager_? How is that possible?"

"There's a slight temporal variance in the transmission," Chakotay answered. "I thought you would want to hear it."

Kathryn felt her hope slowly fade away. Starfleet hadn't found them; she was still alone in this awful quadrant. "Good idea," she said in a softer voice. "Mister Kim put the message on screen."

She was startled by the appearance of a girl, no more than eighteen, nineteen years old, wearing a command red uniform with the pips of a lieutenant. _They're moving them up the ranks quickly, _Kathryn thought as she studied the girl's appearance more. Her dark auburn hair was tied back into a twist, pulled tautly against her face. A face that was unsettling; it was her own face with slight differences from her academy days.

When she spoke she had a melodic tone to her voice. "_Voyager, _this is the _Delta Flyer. _I'm under attack by alien forces. Please, I require your assistance." The message cut out and the bridge was left staring at a blank screen.

"Mister Paris, set a course," Kathryn ordered.

"Captain, are you sure about this?" Chakotay questioned. "We don't even know that…girl. How do we know we're not walking into a trap set up by the Kazon?"

"We don't," Kathryn said coolly. "But I'm not about to leave that girl out there to fend for herself."

"She isn't entirely defenseless, Captain," Tuvok intervened. "I'm detecting traces of Borg technology on that shuttle. It's highly advanced compared to any shuttle that we have in our shuttle bay."

"Still," Paris spoke up, "it won't do her much good if the Kazon blast her apart."

"Call it intuition Commander, but I don't believe it's a trap," Kathryn told the first officer.

"So you trust her?"

"I didn't say that."

"We're approaching the coordinates," Paris informed them.

Kathryn exchanged one last glance with Chakotay imploring him to trust her, before she set her jaw and ordered that they drop out of warp and go to red alert. "Harry, hail the Kazon vessel. Let's make sure they understand we are not going to let them destroy a piece of Federation technology."

"There's no response, ma'am."

"Tuvok, lock phasers onto the Kazon ship, give them a warning shot across their bow," Kathryn instructed, taking her seat.

"They are retreating Captain."

"Hail the _Delta Flyer,_" Kathryn ordered. "This is Kathryn Janeway of the starship _Voyager, _do you require medical assistance?" She looked over her shoulder to see if Harry had opened the channel. He nodded his head at her silent inquiry. "Any life signs?" _We might be too late, a conduit could have blown, she could have hit her head— _

"One human life sign, very faint," Harry reported interrupting Kathryn's thought process. "Should I beam her to sickbay ma'am?"

Kathryn used the arms of her chair to push herself into a sitting position, her exhaustion suddenly coming on full force. "Tuvok, tractor that shuttle into the shuttle bay, Mister Kim transport our patient to sickbay, inform the Doctor of the possibility of severe injuries. Commander you're with me. Where's Lieutenant Barrett?"

"It's her day off," Chakotay reminded the Captain gently.

"Right," Kathryn said with conviction. How could she have forgotten that bit of information? She had studied the duty roster just last night. "Unfortunately I'm going to need her services. Have her report to sickbay."

As she moved off of the bridge she heard the officers carrying out her orders and felt little relief. If she was true to herself she was worried about this new development. A Federation ship, with Borg technology, adrift in the Delta Quadrant, with a solitary officer that looked like she was fresh out of high school. Added to this was the fact that the ship and the signal it had sent had a temporal flux really got Kathryn's stomach churning. Inside the turbo lift she closed her eyes like before but this time she wasn't alone.

"Something wrong, Captain?" Chakotay's voice brought her back to the present. "You seem distracted."

Kathryn opened her eyes to look at him. For a moment, just a moment she wanted to admit that she was exhausted, that she needed to be held to wash away the concerns. But that would have shown vulnerability. Now wasn't the time for that, if there was ever a time for a starship captain to show such emotions. Whenever she looked at him though she got the feeling he knew exactly what was going through her mind and she felt awkwardly exposed to this man she barely knew. "I'm tired, that's all, ever since the Bellius' Prime Minister's gala it's been one thing after another."

"The Doctor and I have both told you that you need to pace yourself," Chakotay pointed out placing his hands on his hips.

"I can't stop and rest now, Chakotay," Kathryn argued, trying to keep her cool. "Not when we have a young women lying in sickbay, a Federation ship with Borg technology in our shuttle bay, to handle. As Captain, I need to be a part of whatever comes from this."

"Kathryn, you can be involved from the comfort of your quarters—."

"No!" she snapped. Seeing the look that came over his face she steeled herself and drew a deep breath. "No," she repeated, "I'll deal with it. Right now, we have more pressing matters." Thankfully the doors to the lift opened and they were exiting out onto deck five. Kathryn knew that this was not a matter that he would pursue in the public areas of the ship. This is something that he would take up with her later when they were in her ready room going over status reports. _Damn mother hen, _she thought angrily as they entered sickbay.

The Doctor was working on the young woman from the shuttle and looked up when they entered. "Ah, I'm glad you're here Captain, Commander. Our passenger has quite an…interesting medical report. I can't get any DNA readings from her what so ever. There is a bio-electrical field around her that is preventing the tricorder from picking up a clear reading."

"Is she wearing some type of device?" Chakotay inquired.

"Not that I have found thus far," the hologram replied.

"Are you suggesting she has taken something to prevent us from getting clear readings?" Kathryn asked.

"That's exactly what I think has happened," the Doctor said. "Although I don't know what she has taken. According to the state of temporal flux her body is in, I'd say that this young lady comes from somewhere in the future. Perhaps it is a new feat of Starfleet Medical."

Kathryn's shoulders sagged slightly. "Why would the Federation need something like that?"

"Still think we did the right thing saving her?" Chakotay asked.

The Captain set her jaw. "Yes," she replied. "I do." She turned her back to him, giving herself a moment to gain her composure. Looking down at the face of the unconscious girl on the biobed it was even more startling to see her face looking back at her. Didn't the others see it? Or was she just so exhausted that she was starting to hallucinate? "Is it safe to wake her Doctor?"

"I don't see why not," the hologram replied.

Kathryn nodded her head. "Wake her, once Lieutenant Barrett gets here. I have a feeling that this young lady has an interesting story to tell."

* * *


	71. Chapter 71

* * *

_She hadn't meant to blow the EPS conduit; she had just wanted to see how it worked. B'Elanna had caught her just before it exploded and both had escaped with minor burns and injuries. That particular section of deck six had not faired as well. The power had been knocked out and several crewmen had been ordered to evacuate. Kathryn wasn't too happy with her three year old, not happy at all. _

_"What were you thinking?" her mother addressed her as if she were a member of the crew. _

_"I wanted to see it work," Ava replied. "I didn't mean to make it go 'boom'." _

_The Doctor buzzed around the agitated mother and nervous child, happily humming an opera tune, one of his new hobbies. Kathryn only had to glare at him to get him to stop and give her a report. The hologram immediately stopped his humming, the smirk leaving his face as he closed his tricorder. "Everything checks out. I've treated her burns. She was very lucky." _

_Kathryn returned her glare to her. "Do you see how dangerous it is playing in the conduits?" _

_"I wasn't playing, I was being a scientist like you," Ava said. _

_A pained expression came over her mother's face. "Honey, I know you're curious, but there are other ways to satisfy that curiosity besides opening up the power couplings." _

_The doors to sickbay opened and Chakotay walked in. "Engineering reports that the power to deck six should be restored within the hour. There were no hull fractures reported and the rest of the ship appears to be in good shape. We've dodged another bullet. How's our little troublemaker?" _

_Ava liked it when Chakotay referred to her as "our". It made her feel like they were a family, her, Kathryn, and Chakotay. Once, when the ship was docked at a space station for repairs and she had gone to visit it with her mother and the first officer, the station's commander had mistaken their relationship. He had told Kathryn and Chakotay that they had a beautiful daughter. Neither the Captain nor Commander had the heart to tell him he was wrong. They politely nodded their heads. _

_"The troublemaker managed to escape with minor burns, thanks to B'Elanna noticing that something was wrong and going to check it out," Kathryn replied with a shake of her head. _

_"Mama," she said, her eyes watery with tears. "I'm sorry." _

Stunning blue eyes opened and stared up into bright lights. She shielded her eyes with her slender hand and saw shadows move across her line of vision. Taking a deep breath, Ava moved the hand covering her face and was glad that she had prepared herself; standing over her was Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay, and Sarah Barrett. It was like seeing ghosts.

Attempting to sit up, Kathryn reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder to assist her. The touch caused a lump to form in her throat. It had been thirteen years since her mother had touched her. Swallowing the lump hard, she remembered the ploy that her captain had requested she use when traveling back in time. "Where am I?" she asked, her voice nothing more than a hoarse whisper. Her throat was incredibly dry and she wished she had some water.

"You're on the starship _Voyager,_" Kathryn answered, her eyes searching the woman's face. "We picked up your distress signal. You were injured in the attack, but not too badly, our doctor has healed your injuries. What's your name lieutenant?"

_Stick with the plan, Ava, the Captain sent you back because they wouldn't recognize you, they would think your likeness to Janeway a coincidence. _"Andrea Dawson."

"What's the last thing you remember Lieutenant Dawson?" Chakotay asked.

Ava couldn't help the cold attitude she turned on the first officer. She still held strong feelings for him and the failure of protecting her mother all those years ago. "I was surveying a nearby nebula when my sensors picked up temporal readings. I adjusted course to investigate. There was a blinding flash of light and I was suddenly here, under attack by those aliens. Where is here exactly?"

"The Delta Quadrant. Right now you're about seventy thousand light years from the Federation," Kathryn answered. "Tell me what was the stardate when you went out on that little extrusion?"

"52037.5," Ava replied swiftly. She had rehearsed this hundreds of times with the Captain before she left. "My ship?"

"I'm glad you asked about it," Kathryn said with a smile. "We're intrigued by its design."

"The Borg elements, no doubt," Ava retorted. "Our ship encountered three Borg drones, cut lose from the Collective because they were damaged. Our counselor and doctor worked with them to severe them completely from the Collective and integrate them into our crew. Only one of them made it and she helped us build the shuttle. It's a tough little ship, meant for combat missions or missions that may 'rough a ship up'."

Kathryn looked appalled by this. "Your captain let former Borg drones on your ship?"

_Yes you did Mom, _Ava thought, smiling slightly. "Let's just say, she's a little unorthodox."

The little quirk of her lips made Chakotay stiffen. It was so eerily Kathryn. The Captain and Counselor seemed unsettled by her likeness to Kathryn as well. And he knew that Kathryn and Sarah had not missed the fact that the lieutenant had given her last name as _Dawson_. The resemblance to Kathryn, the use of the last name seemed a little out of place somehow. "Who's your Captain?"

A sad look came over her face. "It doesn't matter now," she replied.

"Why?"

"She was murdered, on a diplomatic mission of all things," Ava replied, accusation in her eyes. "Her first officer let her leave the conference compound unarmed."

Chakotay felt a shiver go up his spine for no apparent reason, perhaps by the cold tone of her voice. "I'm sorry, I didn't meant to drudge up painful memories."

"We're going to do everything we can to get you back to your time, Lieutenant Dawson," Kathryn intervened, ending the line of conversation. "Commander, Lieutenant Barrett, will you please join me on the bridge. Doctor, when our guest is ready to leave sickbay send her to Engineering; B'Elanna and Harry can work with her to get her back to her time."

Kathryn swiftly turned on her heels, Sarah and Chakotay following behind her. Once they were out in the corridor, she asked, "Sarah, is she telling the truth?"

A concerned look came over Sarah's face. "I'm not sure Captain."

"Not sure?"

Sarah's eyes shifted nervously about from Kathryn's face to Chakotay's. "I can't read her. It's like there is some defensive barrier up or something that is preventing me from probing her telepathically. I can't tell you if she's telling the truth or not."

"Can't scan her DNA or read her thoughts, something isn't right about this Kathryn," Chakotay cautioned.

Kathryn nodded her head in agreement. "Keep a security detail on her. Also, have Tom report to the shuttle bay, I want him and others to go over that ship with a fine tooth comb. Let's find out where this Andrea Dawson comes from."

* * *

It was difficult, walking next to people that you knew the fate of already. She had known this was going to be hard, especially when she woke up and saw her mother standing over her, but never had she imagined it was going to be _this_ hard. The cold feelings that gripped her when her eyes had finally seen Kathryn were overwhelming. Throughout the years she had buried them deep within, relying on the necessity to drown them. However, they were still there and her mother's face had brought them back up to the surface. Ava had just wanted to hug her mother, get lost in her embrace, but it wasn't possible. It would contaminate the time line more than she already had by going back in time.

She didn't remember much from her early years on _Voyager, _she had been too young. But the way Uncle Harry talked about them, with such a nostalgic twang to his voice, Ava knew that failure here was not an option. Nervously she reached up and under her turtleneck to feather the chain that was there. She saw Andrews twitch at the movement and took her hand away. The slight touch had been all she needed to calm her senses.

Andrews settled and they kept walking.

The people they passed in the halls were so different than the ones she had left behind. Years of hardship and loss had slowly chiseled away at whatever hope they had of seeing Earth again, the death of her mother being the catalyst. Oh, Tuvok had been a fine captain in her wake, but his logic could never out do her optimism. _If that's another Vulcan saying Tuvok, I'll stick to 'live long and prosper'. _Uncle Tom would say that to him all the time, in jest of course, but there was some partial truth to it. When Tuvok had died the crew had been saddened, but no one mourned his loss as much as they did her mother. Tuvok wouldn't have wanted them too.

Ava had been ten when he finally succumbed to a fatal disorder. Uncle Tom took command of _Voyager _and joked that the position was cursed; _Voyager _had lost Kathryn, Chakotay, and Tuvok; three captains in five years. He shook his head and took the pips, mumbling he wished his father knew.

Tears sprang up again and she wiped them furiously away. Andrews didn't flinch this time at her movements; maybe he understood that this was terribly difficult for her in some subconscious way.

"Lieutenant, after you," Andrews politely instructed her to enter engineering.

Ava nodded her head and sighed, slipping on a command mask that Uncle Harry swore was genetic. With Andrews walking a few paces behind her, she made her way towards the warp core, walking a familiar path then stopped. "Mister Andrews," she said, glancing at him, "I have no idea who I'm looking for."

To his credit, Andrews looked embarrassed. "Oh, sorry, ma'am. She's over there," he pointed towards the half Klingon woman working a control panel with a young Asian man. Ava immediately knew it was B'Elanna Torres and Harry Kim and immediately she had to fight her tears again. Neelix had always said death had torn them apart before they even released what they had. Ava swallowed the bile in her throat and approached the officers.

"Lieutenant Torres?"

B'Elanna looked up and frowned. She was still upset that Captain Janeway had sent an eighteen year old…cadet really to help her. Yet here she was, in the flesh, wearing a command red uniform and lieutenant pips. "Lieutenant Dawson," she greeted coldly. She thought she saw the young woman's jaw twitch. "This is Ensign Kim; he'll be helping us as well."

Harry wasn't as suspicious of her as B'Elanna was. "Hi," he said with a grin, "what do you know about temporal mechanics?"

"My mother had a saying, _the_ _past is the future, the future is the past, it all gives me a headache,_" she answered with a smile.

He laughed which garnered him a glare from B'Elanna. Clearing his throat, he asked, "Your mother's Starfleet?"

"Yes."

"Really? What ship does she serve on?"

"Um," Ava fumbled with her words, "shouldn't we get working on that temporal rift?"

B'Elanna straightened her form and crossed her arms. "We're waiting for your sensor data from your ship. Lieutenant Paris is looking over the ship now. Is there anything you can tell us about the nebula you were surveying before you ended up here?"

"It was a class nine nebula," Ava answered, nervously biting down on her lip. She didn't like the idea of Tom going over every last inch of the _Delta Flyer. _"I'm not sure that has any relevance to what happened though." She watched as B'Elanna went back to work, running her fingers over the console.

"It might because the gases in the nebula could have reacted with something in subspace," B'Elanna said, almost whispering.

_You said that's what she'd say, Uncle Harry, _Ava thought with a small smile. It had been fourteen years since either of them had spoken or seen B'Elanna, but still, he had known what she'd say. Their younger versions quickly got to work on scenarios on how Ava's ship had gotten here, to their time. She was too engrossed in watching them work to even hear what they were saying. The last time she had seen B'Elanna, the Chief Engineer had been working with Harry on some warp core maintenance when she had entered, asking to help.

_"Lending a hand requires years of Academy training in warp mechanics," B'Elanna told her with a smile. "I'm not sure you're old enough to even attend the Academy if we were home. How about just straightening the equipment locker out for me? And no playing in the EPS manifolds again." _

_Ava frowned. "I did that yesterday. Can I at least watch? I promise I won't get in the way Lana." _

_Harry was pretending to read a status report and glanced up at her. He chuckled a little. If Ava wasn't down in Engineering asking to help B'Elanna out, or sitting on Tom's lap learning how to fly, she was asking whoever she could about the way Voyager worked. Her natural curiosity and innocence was something he knew adulthood would probably shatter, if the Delta Quadrant didn't get to it first. "We could always use an extra pair of eyes," he informed the Chief Engineer. _

_B'Elanna glared at him temporarily. "I'm sorry Ava, but I have to meet Lieutenant Barrett in the shuttle bay. Oh, but you know what you can do for me?" She handed the little girl a stack of PADDs. "Your mother has been looking for these maintenance reports for three days. I promised her I would deliver them before going on this away mission. This would save me trip to the bridge. Think you can handle that for me, Senior Officer's Assistant?" _

_Ava's little face beamed. "Sure!" Tucking the PADDs underneath her arm, she turned to go, and then looked back. "Are you going to be gone long, Lana?" _

_"I haven't forgotten that I was going to show you how to do simple shield modifications," B'Elanna said with a chuckle. "I'll be back by tomorrow morning, okay?" She slung her equipment bag over her shoulder and grinned. "If Lieutenant Paris was taking me I'm sure we'd be back sooner." _

_Harry laughed at the joke even if the child didn't get it. He reached out and patted Ava on the back and told her he would walk her to the bridge. All three left Main Engineering together, parting at the turbo lift. Ava got into the lift before Harry joined her and turned to watch as B'Elanna bear hugged him. She looked a little worried about this away mission and Ava couldn't remember the last time she had seen the Klingon look worried. Harry pulled away and patted her shoulder, telling her he would see her in the morning. He got into the turbo lift with Ava and the doors shut, proving to be the last time B'Elanna would see them. _

_She was on the bridge when the distress call came in. Her mother had been in a meeting with an alien ambassador when she came to the bridge with the PADDs. Leaving them on the command chair she had crawled up into Chakotay's lap feeling the need to feel safe, comforted, Chakotay didn't mind, he allowed her to snuggle into his shoulder and watch as he worked on the duty roster and reports of his own for Kathryn. Ava had known something was wrong when his whole body had stiffened when they heard Sarah's terrified voice over the comline. He slid her off his lap and ordered her to leave. She had hid underneath tactical, ducked under there when Tuvok hadn't been paying attention to everything around him, but rather reading off the information of the aliens attacking their shuttle. _

_Kathryn came on the bridge then, asking for a report. They were frenzied replies around her as Voyager rushed to the aid of their shuttle. _

_"Voyager! We're under attack—." Sarah's scream filled the bridge and Ava shivered underneath the console, hugging her knees to her chest. Hours later, at least it felt like hours later, they reached the last known coordinates of the shuttle. Kathryn hailed them. They didn't respond. Chakotay took Tuvok and Harry to find them. They weren't gone long. _

_Chakotay came back onto the bridge, a dark look in his eyes, "They're dead, Kathryn."_

"So, how's the Alpha Quadrant these days?" Harry asked her nonchalantly as they worked together at a console.

Ava glanced over her shoulder at Andrews, still keeping his distance from her, but close enough that if she tried anything, he could shoot her. Turning away from her security detail she looked back at the read outs of the gases of a class nine nebula. "Alright I suppose. I actually haven't spent that much time in the Alpha Quadrant lately; my ship is in a remote section of the Beta Quadrant right now."

"Catching up with the Romulans?" Harry joked.

"Something like that," Ava replied, trying to focus on the read outs.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and she timidly raised her eyes to Harry's. It wasn't the same Uncle Harry that she knew, but yet again it was. The one she knew was older, wiser, not as green around the gills, and definitely not as hopeful. She sniffed at that realization of how the harsh life the Delta Quadrant had given them had changed all of them. "Don't worry; we'll get you back to your ship. We have one of the best engineers I know. If B'Elanna can't find away, I'm not sure anyone else will."

"You could," Ava said, smiling sadly.

He blushed slightly taking away his hand, and smiled. "Thanks." _Voyager_jolted slightly and he immediately changed his panel to a read out of the external sensors. "Hey, B'Elanna," he called over his shoulder. "It looks like we're coming up on a region of space loaded with subspace pockets. We're going to have to plot—." This time the ship rocked so violently that he went flying from his chair. Red alert blared and the Engineering staff began working furiously.

Ava was shoved out of the way by Susan Nicoletti. "Lieutenant, these pockets of subspace are reacting to the polarity of our shields!"

"My god, we're turning them into mines!" B'Elanna shouted through the loud explosions, pushing her way past Ava and joining Nicoletti. "We have to find some way to reverse the polarity of the shields or we'll be ripped apart."

They began working together, their backs to Ava, who looked about nervously, knowing exactly what was going on. B'Elanna would eventually reverse the shield polarity, but not before there were deaths. And she also knew that these subspace pockets were no natural occurrence, they were entering Jenahari space. Just the mention of the aliens made her shiver and she turned about at the console she had been thrown against and entered the requirements to reverse the shield polarity. The ship stopped shaking, the explosions stopped and all seemed quiet except for the hissing of steam escaping from conduits.

B'Elanna and Harry looked stunned. "Who did that?" the Chief Engineer shouted.

"_Bridge to Engineering, nice work, B'Elanna. We managed to sustain minimal damage thanks to your genius," _Kathryn's voice cut over the comline. _"Let's do a subspace sweep to make sure there aren't anymore pockets like these out there that are going to tear my ship up, okay?_"

"Captain, I didn't do it!" B'Elanna gasped.

"_Well then, who did?_"

"I did Captain," Ava said, timidly.

_"Miss Dawson?_" She paused for a moment, and then cleared her throat, _"Nice work, young lady, Janeway out._"

B'Elanna glared at her. "Where in the name of Kahless did you learn how to configure something like that so quickly?" She had balled her fists up in frustration and anger that this upstart lieutenant had upstaged her and on top of that was flirting with Harry. "It takes years of Academy training and experience in the field to learn that!"

"I learned from the best," Ava told her calmly.

"I think…I think you'd be more helpful to Lieutenant Paris," B'Elanna said hotly motioning for Andrews to escort Ava out of the room. She was too mad to notice the hurt look that washed over the young woman's face as she left.

* * *


	72. Chapter 72

* * *

_"Thirteen is a big deal," Tom told her when he presented her his gift. _

_Ava shrugged her shoulders at the breakfast table, eating her cereal quietly. "Not really," she said. "It's just another birthday." She pushed her bowl away from her and whispered, "I'll be late for school. The Doctor is doing some lecture on ancient medicine and since I missed his last lesson because I was logging time in the flight simulator he's pretty miffed." _

_Tom pushed the gift towards her some more. "Indulge me then, squirt." _

_She quirked a grin, the one that Uncle Harry called her 'Janeway smirk', "Mom always used to say that you indulged too much for her liking." _

_He huffed. "Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure your mother never expected me to be raising you." A dark look came into her blue eyes making them look stormy gray. Tom was always reminded of her mother when she did that. He never knew that death glares could run in the family. "Ava," he cautioned. "I know it's hard and I know you're mad, but there was nothing that Commander Chakotay could have done." _

_"Nothing? He could have at least taken his phaser, made her take hers!" Angry tears fell and she furiously wiped at them with her sleeve. "He promised Michael. It was all I had left of my brother, was that promise. And he broke it." _

_Tom sighed. They had had this argument before. As she hit her teenage years the anger began to surface and who could blame her, her family had been torn away from her violently, at a young age. Hell, Tom thought, she had never even been held by her father. She was still a baby when Michael had been killed. Tom shuddered thinking about that awful day, Captain Janeway's screams. He still had nightmares. At the age of five her mother had been stabbed to death on some alien world. Her parents, her brother, all taken from her before she even entered the first grade. He didn't blame her for being angry. He was angry that she had been forced to endure so much at her age. "He didn't do it on purpose Ava; he cared about you and your mother. I saw the look in his eyes when he went back to that planet, he was tormented." _

_"Serves him right," Ava mumbled under her breath, resting her chin on her arms. _

_"Here, this will make you feel better, I promise," he said, trying to lighten the mood. He pushed the box towards her. _

_She pulled at the red bow and let the ribbon fall to the table. Gently she took the top off and reached her hand in, pulling out the necklace. On the silver chain was a pair of wings. She held it up to the light and admired it. "They're beautiful Uncle Tom." _

_"They've been in my family since World War Two," Tom told her. "They're special, passed down through the generations, but since I'm never going to have a child of my own some day, I figured this was the next best thing, seeing how my father mentored your mother." _

_Ava clasped the chain around her neck. "I won't lose them, Uncle Tom, I promise." _

_He smiled, "I know you won't."_

Tom Paris stretched his arms for a moment and looked around the shuttle bay. The crew was busy combing over every last inch of the ship that their mysterious guest had arrived in. Captain Janeway was concerned because of the Borg technology but Tom had found no traces that the young girl had been assimilated by the aliens. Her story for the most part seemed to be checking out, that her crew had indeed rescued a drone that had later helped them build this ship. He smiled to himself, what he wouldn't give to build a ship like this of his own one day.

It was bigger than a shuttle and tougher as well. It had been designed to take a beating, perhaps for more dangerous away missions. The sleekness of the body was attractive and allowed for maneuverability that no shuttle could manage. Tom wished that Janeway would let him take the ship out for a spin. Deciding that it was time to go back to work he crouched down again and began to scan with his tricorder. Behind him he heard the doors to the shuttle bay open and glanced over his shoulder to see Sarah Barrett walking through. Surprised that she was here, but not unhappy by it he stood back up, flashing her one of his smiles. "Checking up on me?" he asked.

She shook her head with a smile. "No, Captain Janeway wanted me to look at the Borg technology."

"Ah, good thing we have a resident Borg expert on board then," Tom said, moving aside to allow her to look.

Sarah took his tricorder from him and began to scan the hull herself. A pensive look came over her face as she did so and when she stood up Tom could see the dark look in her normally bright eyes. "Something isn't right about this," she whispered. "This ship has been partially assimilated."

"Partially assimilated?" Tom repeated.

"Yes," Sarah answered, "for the technology to be integrated like this the ship either would have had to have been assimilated or encountered a damaged Borg ship. The Borg usually come back for their ships and leave nothing behind." She closed the tricorder down. "Something about her story doesn't quite stick."

Tom noticed the doors to the shuttle bay open and Andrews' escorted the subject of their conversation in. "Well, here's your chance, why don't you ask her?" He had yet to see their guest in person and he was shocked with how much she _did _look like Janeway, she even had that little saunter to her step that Janeway had. Sarah was right something about her story was not adding up.

"Lieutenant Torres said I would be more helpful here," Andrea Dawson told them as she joined them standing next to her ship.

"Oh, well, we're just studying your ship," Tom said, trying to sound diplomatic, "but that doesn't mean we won't appreciate your help."

Sarah rolled her eyes which weren't lost on the small group. "He's being too nice; how did that ship get the Borg technology Lieutenant? We know it wasn't just some friendly liberated drone."

Andrea bit down on her lip for a moment chewing on it. "I'm not sure you'd believe the real story if I told you."

"Try me."

"Okay we really did liberate those drones from the Collective, but not until after we had formed an alliance with the Borg," Andrea replied, seeing the horrified looks that came over their faces. "We were alone in a remote part of the galaxy; it would have taken the Federation months just to receive our transmission. The Borg were fighting a war with a species that was…shall we say even more malevolent as them. It was either ally with one side or be destroyed. The Captain had very little choice."

Tom looked at the _Delta Flyer. _"So you built this with them?"

"Not really. The ship had to be partially assimilated so we could work on a weapon to defeat the enemy. After the alliance was terminated and we were on our way again we dismantled the components with the liberated drone that managed to survive and built the flyer," Andrea said. "See Lieutenant Barrett, I was telling you the truth in sickbay just a slightly abbreviated version."

Sarah shoved the tricorder back into Tom's hand. "It would have been nice to have the whole version the first time."

"It didn't seem like a good idea at the time," Andrea replied.

"It's a nice design," Tom said suddenly, swaying the conversation and easing the tension. "Who designed it?"

Andrea smiled. "Actually our helmsman did; best pilot I knew, he taught me how to fly."

"Really? You consider yourself a good pilot?"

"I learned from the best."

"Maybe before you head back to your own time, you could prove you learned from the best."

"Challenging me to a race Lieutenant Paris?"

Tom grinned. "I know one when I meet one."

"You know what," Sarah said suddenly, "I have work to do." She turned a cold shoulder on the others and left, practically stormed out of the shuttle bay. _I can't believe him, flirting with an eighteen year old! _She wanted to scream as she stalked into the turbo lift. Hadn't he learned anything from Tamah? Apparently not and for some reason she was more jealous now then she had been then, when he had been flirting with the Kreyole girl. Maybe it was the fact that the lieutenant was just that a _girl. _Crossing her arms over her chest and she glared at the floor. _Cradle robber. _

"Oh good afternoon Counselor," Neelix's voice said.

Sarah glanced up to see Neelix enter the turbolift with Kes and the children. "Baby-sitting duties?"

"Tal needed a break, especially since Captain Janeway wasn't well for a while," Neelix pointed out. "Deck two," he ordered the computer. "I figured that Kes and I could take them for an afternoon while Tal got some rest or logged some holodeck time."

"My mother always said raising children was a full time job," Sarah replied with a smile.

"Sounds like your mother was a wise woman," Neelix said.

Sarah shrugged. "She had her moments," she whispered, settling her eyes on Ava's face. The baby had started insisting on walking everywhere and was clinging to Kes' hand. She had on a red jumper over a white shirt and a matching red bow in her curly auburn hair, _dark auburn hair, _Sarah noted. Ava was chatting away, although Sarah could only pick up a few of the words seeing how the child had just begun to talk regularly. But her inflections, her quirks, they were all her mother, _all like the young woman in the shuttle bay. _

_Oh my god, _Sarah thought with sudden realization. _Is Andrea Dawson really an older Ava Janeway? _

"Coming Counselor?" Neelix questioned.

She looked up and realized that the children, Neelix, and Kes had all exited the turbolift. "Oh, I guess I was thinking so hard I didn't realize we had arrived." She stepped out of the lift, said good bye to the others and immediately went for her office, even though she had been going to the mess hall to get a cup of coffee originally.

"Computer," she said once she settled into her office, "bring up all files related to Doctor Bryan Dawson."

* * *

_Captain's Personal Log, stardate 48832.1; the crew continues to work on the Delta Flyer and finding a way to send Andrea Dawson back to her own time. Her mysterious nature about her past and…our future has me worried. Although she has shown no dark intentions to anyone, her youth and the fact that she seems to carry as much experience as some of my officers is terrifying. What kind of Alpha Quadrant are we going home to if an eighteen year old girl is forced into becoming a lieutenant?_

* * *

Kathryn closed down her personal log and leaned back on the cushions of her sofa in the ready room. She nursed the mug of coffee in her hand, her fifth that day, and looked out the view port at the streaking stars. Alien attacks and mysterious young officers showing up seemed to follow the norm in the Delta Quadrant. Nothing was ever easy, Kathryn concluded, and especially not out here. Andrea Dawson's cold nature towards Commander Chakotay made her wonder if perhaps in the near future they got home and the Maquis were faced with jail time. Why else would she be so cold towards a man she had never met before?

Sighing Kathryn placed the coffee mug down onto the table as the door chimed. "Come in."

"We're still not sure how she did it," Chakotay said as he came into the room, "But B'Elanna says it would have taken her at least another fifteen minutes to come up with those modifications. It seems we were lucky to pick our guest up along the way."

Kathryn took the PADD he was offering her into her hand. "Perhaps a little too lucky."

"So you're not the only one that believes it to be coincidence that she showed up?" Chakotay asked.

"It seems a little too perfect that she shows up just as we're about to enter a region of space that is going to react to our shield polarity and knows how to fix it," Kathryn said standing up and going to place the PADD with B'Elanna's report onto her desk. "Tom seems to be getting along better with our guest than B'Elanna did, hmm?"

Chakotay smiled. "If you ask me, B'Elanna was more upset about the way Harry took to her."

Kathryn chuckled. "She did have that charming smile."

"More like a _Janeway _charming smile."

Her faced paled a little and he wondered if perhaps he had gone a little too far. "So you noticed too?"

"How could I not, Kathryn?" _I see that smile everyday, in my sleep sometimes. _Chakotay moved closer to her. "It's not just her smile, Kathryn, the way she talks, the way she moves, her eyes, everything about her screams_you_." He searched her face for a moment before continuing. "Maybe it's just a weird coincidence, but I don't think so."

Kathryn's eyes met his. "I don't think it is either."

"So who is she Kathryn? A younger version of yourself? A long lost relative?" Chakotay asked, his voice nothing but a whisper.

"The Doctor confirmed she was from the future, so it definitely is not a younger me," Kathryn replied. "I have a few theories though."

"Oh?"

"_Captain Janeway to the bridge._"

Kathryn spun on her heel and exited the room as fast as she could to get away from his gaze. There was so much concern for her and caring for her in those eyes, possibly harboring on love. _Oh god Kathryn, love? _She mentally shook her head. This wasn't the time to think about such things. "Mister Tuvok report."

"We're approaching another region of subspace pockets," Tuvok informed the command team as they made their way towards their seats.

"Take us in slowly, Ensign," she ordered the young woman at helm.

"Aye ma'am."

Kathryn watched as the ship glided into the unstable regions, holding her breath. _Let's see if Miss Dawson's modifications continue to work. _

* * *


	73. Chapter 73

* * *

Tom Paris had offered to give her a tour of the ship when they broke for lunch. He tried to get her security detail to leave, but Andrews wasn't about to disobey Janeway's orders. Ava smiled at the thought, _Voyager's_ crew had always been loyal to her mother and it warmed her to see those feelings again. The crew had not had time to develop loyal feelings for Chakotay since he had been Voyager's captain for a total of three hours before getting killed; Tuvok's cold, logical look on life had kept the crew at arm's length, Tom was the closest they got to feeling loyalty again…but even that had been ripped away.

Ava bit her lip. Uncle Tom had been her primary caregiver after her mother 's and Chakotay's deaths. She had been shifted around from Uncle Harry and Neelix, and sometimes Tuvok, but for the most part, she was with Uncle Tom. Perhaps his death had been the last straw for the rest of them. Uncle Harry had come across the temporal transponder; they had equipped it on the _Delta Flyer_ and decided who and when they were going back in time. She had volunteered; if Uncle Harry had gone back they would have recognized him right away. It could completely contaminate the time line and they wanted the least bit of contamination as possible. Her mission was to make sure that _Voyager_ got out of Jenahari space without any deaths.

"I bet this ship is nothing compared to those of the future, huh?" Tom's voice snapped her back to the present.

"It's still an impressive ship," Ava replied, softly.

"You're just saying that so my ego doesn't get bruised," Tom said with a laugh.

"Well, _Voyager_ can't have a bruised pilot walking around, now can she?"

"Certainly not," Tom replied, leading her into the cargo bay. "I wouldn't do _Voyager_ much good if my ego was bruised."

_"Captain, I'll make this easy for you," the Jenahari leader said. "You hand over the supplies I requested and we don't hurt your crew." _

_Kathryn set her jaw in defiance and pulled Michael closer to her side. "I don't negotiate with terrorists," she said, huskily. Chakotay was standing next to her, Ava hiding behind his legs, her little arms wrapped around him. She couldn't see the intruders very well, but they were_ _large, bird like in the face,_ _and_ _with claws for hands. The weapons they were holding_ _were ten times the size of a compression rifle. Still, her mother didn't seem afraid. _

_The Jenahari ripped Michael from Kathryn's side. Both mother and son screamed. The soldier held her brother up by his collar and snarled. "I tried to make it easy for you, Captain._ _I tried to give you the option of no lives lost, I guess you'll just need some more convincing." He raised his weapon and pointed it right at her brother's head. Ava felt Chakotay try to move to strike at the leader of the Jenahari, but another one of the soldiers hit him so hard that he toppled over, Ava was pinned underneath him. She started to cry as Chakotay struggled to sit up. The first officer grabbed her and held onto her for dear life. _

_"Let this be a lesson to all of you!" the Jenahari leader shouted, Michael_ _whimpering and squirming in his grasp. "That you don't challenge the Jenahari in our space and think that there aren't any consequences." The weapon was once again leveled at Michael's heart. _

_"Mama," he cried. "Mama!"_

_Kathryn watched helplessly as the warrior pulled the trigger. Michael's body went stiff and the Jenahari leader let it fall to the floor. It landed with a loud thud and she struggled to get to him. Her cry was strangled as she gathered her son up into her arms. The child's death had been swift and with the Doctor offline there would be no chance at reviving him. Her heated glare at the Jenahari bore holes in them. "If I refuse a second time are you going to kill my daughter too?"_

_Chakotay tightened his grip on her and she buried her face into his chest._

_"If that's what it takes," the Jenahari replied._

_Kathryn was left with very little choice._

"Hey, I lost you for a moment, are you alright?" Tom Paris' voice rocked her and seemed louder than normal.

Ava snapped her eyes up to meet his. Her hands were trembling and she just wanted to leave this room. If she was successful in her mission then_ Voyager_ would not have that terrible encounter with the Jenahari, her brother wouldn't have been murdered before the entire crew, and perhaps the tragic twist of events that the ship had endured throughout the years wouldn't happen. "I… this room just reminded me…of something that happened a long time ago. Is it alright if we leave now, Lieutenant Paris?"

Tom nodded his head, concerned. "Sure. We can make our way to the mess hall for lunch if you want."

"I'd like that," Ava answered, following him out of the cargo bay. When the Jenahari had attacked and boarded _Voyager_ the crew had been rounded up and forced into the cargo bay. They had demanded that Kathryn hand over supplies that would have left _Voyager_ with nothing but the crew, she had refused and they had taken her brother hostage, Chakotay had tried to save him but the other Jenahari soldiers had overpowered him and he had resolved to clinging desperately to Ava, to protect her. They had killed her brother leaving her mother with the choice of losing her as well or giving up the supplies. Kathryn had given up the supplies.

Six months later _Voyager_ was still missing key supplies when the Kazon had stolen a transporter from them. Chakotay had gone after them and Kathryn had depleted the supplies they had managed to acquire to rescue him. Ava's memories were fuzzy at this point, she briefly remembered her mother and Chakotay being absent from the ship for awhile, and Tuvok had worn captain's pips until they came back. A few weeks later the crew had been stranded on some barren planet. Ava didn't know how they got back to the ship; she had fallen asleep in Chakotay's arms and woken up in her own bed. Uncle Harry said it was Uncle Tom and the Talaxians that had saved them. After that her memories started to come on stronger, more vivid.

She spent a lot of time with her mother and Chakotay, they took her on sailing trips on the holodeck, on shore leave, even on diplomatic missions that were deemed safe enough. For a few years they were a happy little family, until the shuttle accident, until B'Elanna and Sarah had died. Ava was supposed to have been the flower girl in Uncle Tom's wedding; the dress had gone into the recycler after the accident. There had been no wedding.

"I was thinking after lunch we could take a look inside the _Delta Flyer_," Tom was saying.

"I don't think you're going to find anything of interest in there," Ava said.

"Captain Janeway isn't going to settle for just a hull sweep," Tom replied.

"Well, I wouldn't want to get you in trouble."

"Don't worry I don't need any help getting into trouble."

Neelix was busily serving the children lunch when Tom and Ava entered. She felt a strong surge of emotions seeing her younger self and her brother sitting there eating, happily as if they didn't have a care in the galaxy. In just a few days their whole world was about to be turned upside down. _Not if I can help it_, she thought, angrily, _not if I can help it_.

* * *

Kathryn had almost opted to have her lunch in the ready room, but then thinking about the conversation with Chakotay earlier she didn't want to give him the opportunity to confront her. So instead she ventured down to the mess hall. The atmosphere around the ship was tense; the crew was walking on egg shells as rumors flew on who their guest really was. Kathryn herself had been swept up in the speculating about Andrea Dawson. Her last theory, however, had her unsettled. This young woman was her daughter, perhaps an older Ava, or perhaps it wasn't Ava, Kathryn didn't know if she would have more children in the future.

At present time the thought of another child seemed ridiculous, but who knew how she would feel in five years, perhaps only one. It wasn't that she was unhappy with Michael and Ava, but she longed for them to be a complete family, to be whole again. The children needed a father and she needed someone to love. _There's that word again Kathryn, love. You're the Captain of a starship, you don't have time for love_. However, it would be nice after a long day to again seek refuge in the arms of a man she loved. Even starship captains needed to be put at ease from time to time. She closed her eyes for a moment, listening to the sound of the turbolift before it came to a stop. Yes, she concluded, it would be nice to love someone as wholly as she had her husband.

_Oh god, Kathryn, stop. Bryan's only been dead a little over two years_, she thought, her eyes snapping open as the doors to the lift opened. She stepped out, shaken by her thoughts, and preceded towards the mess hall. She lowered her head slightly and focused on the floor. Besides the fact that she had very little time for romance, having to run _Voyager_ and raise her children, who could she possibly risk to love?

She slammed into a wall, or what felt like one. Gasping she lost her balance and fell to the deck on her behind.

"Kathryn!" Chakotay gasped. "Are you alright?"

"Sorry," she mumbled, "I wasn't watching where I was going."

His hands were on her shoulders while he forced her to let him make sure she wasn't hurt. "It's alright Kathryn, just try to sit still for a moment so I can make sure you're not hurt."

"If I was B'Elanna you wouldn't be making such a fuss," Kathryn snapped.

"Maybe, maybe not, but B'Elanna didn't just nearly die," Chakotay replied. "And I'm not ready to go through that situation, ever again."

She stopped fighting him and stared at him. The fear in his eyes was unmistaken. She had no idea that her near death experience had had such a profound impact on him. Was he that afraid of losing her? Or just afraid of what her death would mean to the crew? He was a terribly complex man and she wondered if she would ever be able to peel back all the layers that made him up. She laughed to herself, she had quite a few layers for him to discover as well. "I never even thought about…about how much…that time on the planet and my injuries…affected you."

Chakotay held his hand out for her and helped her stand up. "It didn't just affect me, Captain. It affected everyone."

His fingers were warm and she couldn't resist the urge to latch onto them. Closing her eyes for a moment she let that warmth wash away her worries from earlier. She forgot where she had been heading, what she had been planning on doing as he allowed her to hold his hand. Someone clearing their throat brought her crashing back down to reality and she opened her eyes to see Sarah Barrett standing in the corridor with them. Letting go of Chakotay's hand, she tried desperately to slip her command mask into place. "Lieutenant, can I help you?"

Sarah handed her a PADD. "I did some research, ma'am, on Doctor Dawson. He has a niece named Andrea, daughter of his oldest brother. She'll be eighteen in four weeks."

Kathryn took the PADD from her counselor and looked it over. The last time she had seen any of Bryan's family, with the exception of Gabriel, Andrea had only been twelve. Had it really been six years? Bryan was one of eight children, and wasn't close to his oldest siblings besides Gabriel. They were all scientists themselves, but not for the Federation, not for Starfleet like Bryan, they were angry at the way the Federation was dealing with the Cardassians, and they had not been happy when he had married a Starfleet Lieutenant, and even though his family had been present at their wedding, Kathryn had known from the start that his family was only accepting her because Bryan loved her. "She was twelve the last time I saw her," she mused.

"If the Doctor could scan her, we could make a positive DNA match," Chakotay pointed out.

"But the Doctor can't, and he still hasn't figured out why," Sarah replied.

"She isn't my niece," Kathryn said with conviction. "The girl that I knew had dark hair, brown eyes. She looked nothing like me because we weren't blood related."

"Perhaps she altered her appearance," Chakotay suggested.

"For what purpose?" Kathryn countered. "Why would my niece come back in time?"

Sarah grinned slightly. "I knew I was grasping at straws, but it's the best theory I've got."

Kathryn tucked the PADD underneath her arm and thanked her. "I appreciate your efforts Lieutenant," she whispered, "but for now, let's keep working on the ship and helping the Doctor figure out how to scan her." She parted ways with the officers, hoping they wouldn't follow, but knowing that Chakotay wouldn't let it drop. He had to sprint to catch up with her. She kept on walking even as he fell into stride beside her.

"You mentioned you had a theory earlier, in the ready room; care to share that one with me?"

"Fine, I think she's my daughter," Kathryn replied.

Chakotay slowed his pace slightly. "Ava?"

Kathryn shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe, but who knows, she's from the future, just how far we don't really know; I could have had more children in her time line."

"I didn't know you were dating anyone," Chakotay joked.

That earned him a glare. "Now is not the time to be fooling around, Commander." She picked up her pace and entered the mess hall. Her steps immediately slowed and she almost had her second collision with Chakotay in the past ten minutes. Andrea Dawson was eating lunch with Tom Paris and her children. Both of them seem enthralled with her and the same went for Tom. So why did she still not trust this girl? _Ava, my little bird, I'm going to find out if that is you and why you're here.  
_  
Andrea had caught her gaze and the overwhelming sadness and longing were present in her eyes. Kathryn felt her heart melt slightly for this teenager. Even if she wasn't her daughter, this girl had seen a horrible past, one that was haunting her. If Kathryn was going to win her trust she was going to have to start trusting her. She moved into the mess hall and approached the table where the children were chattering wildly and Neelix was cleaning up their lunch dishes. "Mister Andrews you're dismissed," she told the security detail. She saw Chakotay bristle slightly. "I don't think your services are needed anymore. We can trust Lieutenant Dawson."

There were surprised looks on both Tom's and Andrea's faces. Kathryn offered a small smile, "I think I went a bit overboard. You haven't shown any hostile intentions to us. Do you mind if we speak, just you and me?"

Andrea looked at Tom for reassurance and he nodded his head. She slowly got up from the table and followed Kathryn to a private table in the far corner of the room. She waited until the Captain instructed her to sit down. The older woman waited until the younger one was settled before speaking. "You've created quite a stir, young lady. You're all the crew talks about."

"I'm sorry ma'am, I didn't mean to be such a distraction," Andrea replied.

Kathryn shook her head. "Don't worry about it; some days out here we need distractions."

"There's more you wanted to talk to me about isn't there?"

"Yes," Kathryn said. "My husband's last name was Dawson."

"You're wondering if we're related, aren't you, Captain?"

"Possibly."

"I don't recall any Janeways in my family tree."

"No?" Kathryn questioned, "even when we look so much alike."

"People look alike without being related, ma'am."

"That's true, Lieutenant."

Andrea looked up at the stars passing by the window behind Janeway. When she looked back at her Kathryn could see her eyes swimming with unshed tears. "I wish I could tell you certain things Captain, but it would violate the Temporal Prime Directive. Believe me, it would make things a lot easier for me. I wish that I could make you understand, ma'am," her eyes lowered. "I really should get back to the shuttle bay to help Lieutenant Paris."

Kathryn solemnly let her go.

Chakotay came over and took the young woman's seat. "Anything?"

The Captain shook her head. "Nothing but more questions."

* * *

Tom had snuck out of the mess hall while Janeway had been speaking to Andrea. He had wanted to get a closer look at the ship without her hovering over his shoulder and this was the perfect opportunity before the rest of the crew got back from their own lunches to continue work. He climbed into the _Delta Flyer _and proceeded to the cockpit. He was intrigued by the design. There were four main stations, tactical, science, operations/engineering, and of course the helm, which was intriguing in itself because instead of the sleek panels of Starfleet technology, there were knobs and dials.

_Looks like something I would do, _Tom thought whimsically as he plopped himself down into the pilot's seat. He stretched his fingers out and let them graze the controls. _Oh man, what I wouldn't give to take this ship out for a spin. _His hands brushed the knobs and dials and he grinned. It wouldn't hurt to at least power the ship up. Looking about he hit the button that he believed would get the ship running.

Instead Andrea's face appeared on the panel in front of him and it looked like a log of hers. He was about to terminate it when he heard her say, "Lieutenant Ava Janeway, personal log; stardate 61055.2; I'm about ready to bring the temporal transponder online, I guess we'll find out if the money we paid for it really paid off. Uncle Harry…sorry Captain Kim seems to think it will. I guess I'm not as optimistic as him, call it a trait I inherited from my mother, but I'm skeptical. If it does work, I should end up about thirty thousand light years from here. Captain Kim doesn't want me to let the crew know who I really am so we've come up with some fake name. Seven seems to think that it's irrelevant what name I use as long as I complete my mission. Neelix gave me some snacks for the road. I have to admit, I'm rather exited about going back in time. I don't remember much about the crew when we were first on this journey; it will be interesting to see Uncle Tom and Uncle Harry in their 'prime' as the Doctor put it."

The image faded out and Tom sat there in silence for a moment. Andrea Dawson really Ava Janeway? Harry captain? Who the hell was Seven? _What kind of screwed up time line did she come from? _Tom wondered as he sat there pondering on what to do next. Obviously he had to tell the Captain, the Temporal Prime Directive be damned.

He pressed the buttons again, and again Andrea's or Ava's face appeared on the screen. "Personal log; supplemental. I've made it back to the point in time when the Jenahari invaded _Voyager. _I've calibrated the _Flyer's _sensors to locate the ship and I'll be setting a course as soon as I get a fix on their location. If Uncle Harry's memory serves him right, _Voyager _is surveying a nearby solar system right now for supplies. I'm more nervous now then before I got here. I'm truly alone on this mission. I wish someone had been able to come with me, but the crew would have recognized them right away, and we couldn't take Seven, her appearance would have made Mom fire on us before helping us. I'm hopeful that I'll contact _Voyager _in the next four hours."

" Paris to Janeway," Tom said, tapping his combadge.

"_Go ahead Mister Paris,_" Janeway's voice echoed in the cabin.

"I'm on the _Delta Flyer_ and I think I've found something," he told her.

"_I'll be there soon, Janeway out_."

"Uncle Tom, please don't tell her," a voice pleaded behind him.

Tom spun about to see Ava standing there, a pained look in her eyes. "She has to know."

"We don't know what that will do to the timeline," Ava argued with him.

"I think you've screwed it up already by showing up here, don't you?" Tom asked her.

Tears gathered in her eyes and she was struggling to hold it together. "You don't know where I came from," she whispered, a few stray tears leaking out of her eyes and down her cheeks. "It was screwed up to begin with. But I'm not here to completely change the timeline, there are still things that _Voyager _needs to do, good things. I'm here to make sure that you all do it together."

A cold fear gripped him. "I'm not sure I'm following you."

"Aren't you curious as to why I'm a lieutenant at the age of eighteen?"

"The thought did cross my mind."

"_Voyager's _journey has been no picnic. She's lost a lot of good people," Ava said. "My mother was one of them."

"Your…your mother."

"I was five," she replied biting down on her lip to keep from sobbing. "She went on a diplomatic mission and never came home, stabbed to death by some radical afraid of outsiders." Ava wiped at her eyes with her sleeve. "It didn't start or stop there. Chakotay tried to take revenge for her death and was killed himself. Eight months before their deaths, Lieutenant Torres and Lieutenant Barrett where shot down by the Hirogen, their bodies…it doesn't matter what happened to their bodies, the point is they died painfully and too young. You were never the same after that Uncle Tom, neither was Uncle Harry."

Tom found his head was spinning. Sarah was going to be killed…four years from now, on some mission by an alien race they had never encountered, at least not yet. "How…how do I know you're telling me the truth?"

"Just trust your gut, that's what you used to tell me when teaching me to fly," Ava answered.

"In your log, you said Harry was captain. I hate to ask…what happened to me? To Tuvok?"

"Tuvok died of a neurological disorder when I was ten," Ava said softly. "You…died on an away mission."

Tom closed his eyes for a moment, trying to take deep breaths. He heard the doors to the aft compartment opening and turned slightly to see Janeway enter with Sarah behind her. "Captain!" he exclaimed, completely forgetting that she was on her way. Ava's story of demise and tragedy had distracted him.

"You said you had found something, Lieutenant," Janeway said, quirking an eyebrow.

His eyes captured Ava's for a moment and she was pleading with him. He swallowed hard, Janeway should know the truth, should know that this young woman was her daughter, if she had not already figured it out for herself. He briefly looked at Sarah before answering, "I…didn't ma'am. I guess I was just excited, a little too excited, it was nothing but supply lists."

Janeway rolled her eyes before departing, but Sarah stayed behind. "Supply lists? You got excited over supply lists?"

"Yeah…hey it's been a long day," Tom defended while he pretended to go back to work, noticing that Sarah was watching him closely. Her eyes shown with disappointment before she turned and left and he silently cursed. _She thinks I don't trust her, but that's not it at all._ He suddenly appreciated Ava's situation, of having to keep her mouth shut when all she probably wanted to do was shout over the comline who she really was and why she was really here. He plopped back down into the pilot's seat and fingered the controls lightly. "Tell me something, would it be breaking the Temporal Prime Directive if I asked am I just as horrible with women in your timeline as I am in mine?"

Ava laughed sadly. "I don't think you're as bad with women as you think you are." Tom huffed but didn't respond. "Uncle Tom," she whispered. "She loves you, give her time."

Tom's gray-blue eyes snapped up to meet hers. He opened his mouth to speak but let it shut when he wasn't sure what he wanted to say. _You were never the same after that Uncle Tom, neither was Uncle Harry, _she had said that after her story of B'Elanna and Sarah dying in a shuttle accident. "If _Voyager's _future is so dark, why hide your identity from your mother?"

She smiled, "My mother is a Starfleet captain, bound by her principles. It would go against everything she believes in if I waltz onto her bridge and declare that I'm from the future and here to fix the timeline." She reached into her pocket. "That's why Captain Kim wanted me to hand this off to you." In her small hand was a disk of some kind, translucent, and fit in her palm. "It contains information that is vital to the survival of this crew, star charts, important star dates; it will only be activated on certain dates and it won't tell you how to fix the problem, just that trouble is coming. We're hoping that it saves a lot of lives." Her eyes met his and he saw the steel look of a young girl that had seen a lot in her short time. "It maybe _Voyager's _last shot."

He took the disk in his hand and let his fingers close over it. "How do I activate it?"

"Interface it with your personal computer. It will do the rest," Ava said. "You'll promise to keep…to keep them out of harm right?"

Tom reached out and flicked a tear away. "I'll do my best, squirt."

A grateful look came over her face as the ship veered to the right slightly. "_Senior officers report to the bridge._"

"Duty calls," Tom said, securing the disk in his pocket.

Ava watched him go before getting to her feet and calling out, "Wait, Lieutenant Paris! I'm coming with you."

* * *


	74. Chapter 74

* * *

Kathryn was standing in the middle of the command center, hands on her hips and her chin raised in defiance. Ava had forgotten how, for a petite woman, her mother could hold her own. She had held herself in a graceful, yet determined manner and it was easy to see the respect that the other officers around her regarded her with. Ava just wished the aliens of the Delta Quadrant would have done the same, perhaps her life wouldn't have been one tragedy after another. She followed Tom down to the command station, where Tom took his seat at the helm. Her mother glanced at her, identical eyes and faces gazing at the other. _If Voyager's future is so dark, why hide your identity from your mother?_

_There are things I wish I could tell you Captain Janeway, _Ava looked away and focused her gaze on the screen. A Jenahari warship was approaching them and she felt her senses tingle. _At least this time there was some kind of warning; the subspace mines haven't weakened our defenses. _And yet…she knew what these monsters were capable of. "Captain," she said, "I think retreat is probably wise."

"Why do you say that, Lieutenant?" Kathryn asked her skeptically. "We haven't even made first contact yet."

"I've seen ships like these before," Ava told her truthfully.

Kathryn didn't get to question how this was so, the alien vessel was firing on them and the bridge rocked violently. She almost went flying into Chakotay but at the last moment managed to gain her balance by grabbing a hold of the rail behind the helm. "Return fire!" she barked at Tuvok, gripping the railing.

"No affect," Tuvok reported. "The alien vessel is charging their weapons and coming about for another attack."

"Tom! Evasive maneuvers," Kathryn ordered. "Harry, open a channel to the vessel."

"Channel opened, ma'am," Harry announced.

"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship _Voyager _, we're here on a peaceful mission, please, cease fire!"

Ava grabbed her mother by the shoulders as the ship jolted again. "Captain they aren't going to listen to you! They'll board your ship with the intent to kill as many as it takes until they get what they want!"

Kathryn glared at her. "I won't negotiate with terrorists."

"It doesn't matter; they'll _force_ you to negotiate, Captain!"

"You seem to know an awful lot about these aliens for a girl from the Alpha Quadrant's future," Kathryn snapped, pushing the young woman's hands off of her shoulders. "Arm the photon torpedoes and target their weapon's array. Harry, any answers to my hail yet?"

Harry shook his head. "None yet, Captain."

"Keep trying," Kathryn said. "Tuvok, fire the torpedoes!" On the screen they watched as two balls of orange hit the alien vessel dead on, it caused some damage, but Kathryn swallowed, realizing that it hadn't caused enough damage to stop the barrage on her ship. _Listen to her, _her inner voice screamed, _retreat Kathryn, don't endanger your ship or your crew any longer, she knows what she's talking about. _Kathryn mentally shook her head. They hadn't even figured out yet who this girl really was and here she was debating if she was telling the truth or not.

"Our torpedoes had little effect, Captain," Tuvok calmly proclaimed.

"They're still not answering our hails," Harry said.

"I'm picking up three other warships moving in on our position," Tom said. "Estimated time to intercept is three minutes!"

_Oh god Kathryn, think. _She glanced at Chakotay for a moment looking for support, his eyes wandered to the young woman standing behind her. Was he thinking the same thing, that they retreat now and ask her questions later? Kathryn glanced over her shoulder for a moment as the ship was tossed about thanks to another volley of weapon's fire. The girl's eyes were burning now with fear and sorrow. "Can we out run them Tom?"

Tom looked over his shoulder at Kathryn with a skeptical look. "Ma'am, there's three of them and one us, maybe we should retreat."

Kathryn shook her head. "If we retreat that means we're adding time to our journey, I won't do that. Can we outrun them, Mister Paris?"

He sighed. "We can try," he whispered before turning back to his controls.

Ava's resolve was gone, her _Janeway temper_ as Uncle Tom always used to put it suddenly reared its ugly head. She grabbed Kathryn by the arm, whirled her about so she was facing her and forced to look at her. "Retreat was never an option for you was it? Even when we were posed on the brink of dangerous space you decided to negotiate with the enemy just to get us across! It nearly backfired! It _did_ backfire here, in Jenahari space!" Tears coursed down her cheeks, angry ones that burned at her cheeks. Her mother's face softened seeing those tears but she didn't open her mouth to respond. "Do you want to lose more people? Do you want to watch them die because _you _won't give _them _what they want?"

Kathryn felt her body begin to tremble. "I…I don't know what you're talking about."

"They're the Jenahari Regime, but really nothing but space pirates, preying on ships like _Voyager_," Ava said. "The subspace pockets were mines set up to disable your shields so they could easily take your ship without warning, my modifications to the shields kept the mines at bay, but now they're coming to do what the mines could not; disable _Voyager _and take what they want and get it by any means possible."

Her mother swallowed the lump in her throat. "I won't let them take anything from my ship."

"You can't stop them! What don't you understand about that?" Ava replied, hotly.

Kathryn moved away, not wanting to look the girl in the eyes, "Tom, maximum speed—."

"Listen to me!" Ava screamed, her voice verging on hysterical. "Mama, just for once in your life, listen to me!"

The bridge seemed to fall awkwardly silent. Kathryn turned to face her daughter, the emotions that played on the girl's face. Chakotay was dumbfounded, perhaps not as much as Harry and Tuvok raised an eyebrow in curious anticipation. "Just for once, listen to me, Mama," Ava repeated, realizing now that the only way this mission was going to be accomplished was if she revealed her identity. "Get out of Jenahari space while you still can, while everyone is still here in one piece. So what if it adds months to your journey? At least everyone will be alive."

"Tom, bring us about," Kathryn whispered. "Get us of out of here, warp nine."

"Yes ma'am."

Kathryn turned and took Ava's face in her hands, brushing the tears away. The simple action seemed to open a flood gate for the younger woman and she broke down as Kathryn pulled her into her arms, letting eighteen years of pent up anguish wash away.

* * *

Kathryn felt her heart tear listening to her daughter's muffled cries against her uniform tunic. She closed her eyes for a moment wondering what horrors she had seen to bring her back in time. Kathryn could only surmise what haunted her daughter and the crew of _Voyager _so much that they were willing to risk everything to change it. _Am I still alive in her timeline? _Kathryn wondered while she stroked Ava's hair. The way in which she was clinging to her mother now, made Kathryn come to the conclusion that at some point along in Ava's timeline she had been killed. She felt Ava slacken in her grip and figured that she was finally calming.

Slowly Kathryn began to move towards her ready room when Ava's dead weight crushed her and forced her to the deck. "Chakotay," she rasped out as they sank to the carpet.

The First Officer quickly grabbed a hold of Ava and moved her off of her mother. She was unconscious and laying limply in his arms. Kathryn was scrambling up onto her knees, yanking the emergency med kit from underneath their chairs as she went. Ava's complexion was pale, but not the creamy pale it had been before, it was ghostly, almost translucent. Chakotay swallowed as Kathryn ran the medical tricorder over her daughter. "She's coming out of temporal sync with us."

"Her timeline must be erasing from the universe," Chakotay mused.

"We have to send her back before she is completely erased from the timeline or it jeopardizes all she's done here," Kathryn said, shutting the medical tricorder down.

"Captain," Tom Paris said from the helm. "In one of her logs she talked about a temporal transponder. We might be able to use it to send her back."

Kathryn nodded her head and gestured for Chakotay to pick Ava up. As he did so a silver chain slid out from underneath her turtleneck and hung to the side, revealing a pair of aviator wings. Kathryn and Chakotay didn't seem bothered by it, but Tom stopped mid stride as he followed them up to the turbolift. _Where the hell did she get those? _He wondered, watching as the wings jostled about from side to side as Chakotay moved with her in his arms into the lift. "Tom!" Kathryn snapped bringing him out of his reverie.

He sprinted into the lift still eyeing the wings. They had been in his family for generations, had he given them to her because he didn't have his own children in her timeline? _She called you Uncle Tom, obviously she gets close to you, why is it so hard to believe that you'd give them to her? _Gently he fingered the disc in his pocket wondering what secrets it could possibly hold, the terrors that they were going to face. It was clear violation of the Temporal Prime Directive and he was glad that she had risked violating it so they had a second chance at life; he would have a second chance with Sarah even if she didn't know there was never a first chance.

The walk to the shuttle bay was probably the longest walk the three officers had ever taken. Even though Ava was petite like her mother, she was dead weight and Chakotay felt his arms getting tired as they walked along. Kathryn led the way, nervously looking back every now and then to make sure that Ava was still with them. He wasn't even sure sending her back to her time would save her. Everything could completely change and her timeline would be erased from time. _You still have to try, she risked a lot coming back here to save all of you, _he told himself as they entered the shuttle bay.

The crew working on the _Delta Flyer _gave space to the senior officers rushing in. Chakotay had yet to see the inside of the ship and was impressed by the design. However, there was no time to explore it further. They made their way into the forward cabin. He laid Ava down onto the floor while Tom brought the temporal transponder online and set the temporal coordinates based off of Ava's last sensor log. Chakotay kept one eye on Kathryn, kneeling down on the floor with her daughter, gently pushing the stray pieces of hair out of her face, while he set a course into the computer. If the present situation allowed it, he would have laughed at how much Ava was alike her mother and it comforted him knowing that somewhere in the future there was another Janeway looking out for _Voyager. _But Ava's ghastly face brought him back to reality that everything they were doing may not save this girl from her timeline's disappearance.

"Okay, I think I've set the transponder right," Tom announced.

Chakotay nodded his head. "I've set a course. The ship should make the jump just off our port bow." He made the final adjustments and turned around. Ava's eyes were open and they were bright with tears as she clasped one of her mother's hands.

"Uncle Tom," she addressed Paris. "Take these…." She was pulling at the chain around her neck, but Tom stopped her.

"Keep them, squirt," he said. "I gave them to you for a reason."

Ava's fingers clasped over the wings as Tom stood up and with a final smile at her left the _Delta Flyer. _Kathryn took her chin in her hand and looked her daughter straight in the eye. "I'm proud of you my little bird; remember that, no matter what happens, I'm proud of you." The Captain squeezed Ava's hand and leaned down to brush a kiss across her forehead. She heard Ava whisper an _I love you, Mama, _before she pulled back to see that she had slipped into an unconscious state again. Kathryn caressed her cheeks for a moment before a hand gently grasped her shoulder.

"Kathryn," Chakotay whispered in her ear. "We have to get going. The longer she stays here the less of a chance she has for survival."

Slowly Kathryn got to her feet and allowed Chakotay to guide her out of the _Delta Flyer. _They joined Paris at the controls and with a final look at the ship, Kathryn ordered Tom to proceed. He initiated the launching sequence and the shuttle bay doors opened. The _Delta Flyer _rose off of the floor a few seconds later, nose pointed out towards space. Kathryn, Chakotay, and Tom watched as it flew out into space, heading on the course that Chakotay had plotted, and a few seconds later disappearing in a blinding flash of white light, heading back towards the future.

* * *

When she felt strength enough to open her eyes again the bright lights above her nearly blinded her. Ava strained her eyes to make out the shapes above her, but it was proving to be futile so she closed her eyes again. _Did it work? Did I manage to change the timeline? _Her brain was so foggy at the moment she couldn't remember exactly how she had made it to this point. The last thing she recalled was standing on the bridge, hugging her mother. Again she opened her eyes but the bright lights weren't as offensive. She could make out faces this time. Her mother was standing over her, an angry look on her face, Chakotay beside her, bemused, and the Doctor frowning as usual. Ava couldn't help the smile that formed on her lips.

"If you knew how much trouble you were in, young lady," her mother snapped, "you'd wipe that smirk off your face."

Ava sat up and found herself sitting on the floor of the _Delta Flyer. _She studied Kathryn's and then Chakotay's faces. They were older, not by much, but there was more gray in Chakotay's hair and some fine lines on his face that had not been present on the one she had left behind, and her mother's short auburn hair was flecked with silver streaks. _It worked, _she breathed a sigh of relief and instinctively reached up to finger the chain around her neck, but instead of finding the collar of a uniform she touched bare skin. She couldn't help the grin that was plastered on her face.

Kathryn was agitated. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Care to explain why you hijacked the _Delta Flyer, _took some of the neural inhibitor, and disappeared off our sensors for three days?"

"I'm not sure you'd believe me if I told you," Ava answered, suddenly throwing her arms around her mother, taking Kathryn off guard. In a few days time it wouldn't matter, her memories of the past timeline that she had set out to change would slowly fade as it was erased from the universe, but she had been integrated back into the timeline thanks to the _Voyager _crew. Already things were starting to change and she had only been back for a couple of minutes. Kathryn and Chakotay were alive, and she presumed her brother was as well. Suddenly feeling anxious she pulled away from her mother and looked at her with pleading eyes. "I'm sorry I took the _Flyer._"

"You can make it up by pulling a double shift in the nursery," Kathryn said with a grin. Her face became serious for a second. "But don't you ever, _EVER _pull a stunt like this again. Chakotay's right, you've been hanging around your brother and Tom Paris too much lately." She helped Ava stand up and the group left the cockpit of the _Delta Flyer. _

Later, as word traveled she had returned with the _Delta Flyer _a little singed by what appeared to be Kazon weapons, Ava found herself in the mess hall with Neelix giving her a meal that was fit for an "upcoming officer". While Neelix babbled on about the comings and goings of the past three days that she was missing, how Harry Kim and her brother had taken a shuttle out to try and find her, her mother pacing the bridge as the hours wore on, and the crew walking on eggshells, Tom Paris walked in. She caught the glitter of a wedding band on his left hand and the sparkle in his eyes that had not been there in her timeline. He saw her sitting at the table and winked at her. She smiled back silently thanking him for keeping his end of the bargain up. Neelix didn't see the silent exchange; too busy telling her how much the crew had missed her. She had been important on the other crew because she was a filler, a replacement for officers lost, but here she was a different kind of important, here she was a member of a family. And it had been worth every risk to go back in time to save that family, even if she wouldn't remember it all in a few days time.

* * *

"Come in," Kathryn Janeway called out.

"I have Tom's full report," Chakotay said as he stepped into her quarters. "Ava's logs were extremely detailed. Everything about her trip, the temporal transponder, the neural inhibitor that the Doctor invented so our tricorders couldn't scan her and Sarah couldn't read, all were there. And from what I listened to the timeline she came from was no picnic. Apparently, the Jenahari boarded _Voyager _on the day she showed up; they demanded you hand over supplies and when you refused initially, they killed Michael, in front of the whole crew." He paused for a moment to let the bit of information settle in. A pained expression crossed her face. "It's no wonder she was so desperate when they showed up to get us to turn around."

Kathryn pressed her lips together. "How long will it take us to go around their space?"

"At least two months."

The Captain let out a slow breath. _Get out of Jenahari space while you still can, while everyone is still here in one piece. So what if it adds months to your journey? At least everyone will be alive. _"Thank you, Chakotay, for listening to those logs, I'm not sure if I would have had the stomach to do so."

"That timeline is gone now, Kathryn."

Her eyes flickered towards the picture on her desk. Chakotay followed the gaze for a moment and saw that it was picture of Ava and Michael, taken recently on a holodeck trip with Tal Celes, their nanny. He reached and grabbed the frame taking the picture in his hand. He smiled down at their innocent faces. "You raised her well, Kathryn. Even before she revealed who she was, I could see many of your qualities in her. You should be proud of her."

Kathryn smiled sadly at him. "There's one thing that this whole experience has taught me."

"Oh?" he inquired. "What would that be?"

"We have a family here," she said, "And it's worth fighting for."

* * *


	75. Chapter 75: Ultimatum, Part One

_Disclaimers: Everything belongs to Paramount, except Sarah Barrett, Ava and Michael Janeway. I'm just borrowing them for my own pleasure and making no profit off of this. _

A/N: Alright some things before reading this, first it takes place several weeks after _Glimpse. _If you haven't read _Pandora's Box, __Exodus, _and _Paradise Lost,_I suggest that you read those before tackling this one, as it is apart of that story arch. Just to give you an idea this story takes the place of_ Learning Curve _and would be one of those season ending cliffhangers, but don't worry, I won't make you wait a whole summer for the conclusion;-). A gentle reminder this is J/C, P/OC, and K/T because I love to stray from the norm :-). As always reviews are welcome and I will do my best to get back to you, just do not be mean, I can't tolerate mean people. And **Maja **new stuff is coming very soon!Enjoy!

* * *

_**ULTIMATUM, PART ONE  
**_

Harry Kim found Tom Paris right where he had left him six hours before when had went to start his duty shift, on the holodeck preparing for that night's party. It had been Neelix's suggestion, after the last several weeks of nonstop problems and sudden death lurking around every corner. They were traveling through a quiet stretch of space and the time seemed just right to hold _Voyager's _first annual _Spring Fling_. Tom had been chomping at the bit to design a new holoprogram and Neelix had been chomping at the bit to throw another party. Captain Janeway agreed that the crew needed a reprieve and since off ship shore leave seemed like a distant thing coming, she had granted the chef and pilot permission to prepare the party. But Harry was amazed at how much they were going out for this. He was strangely reminded of the prom in high school.

Tom had designed an elegant ballroom, complete with marble columns and maple wood flooring, Kes had provided flowers from her garden, some rare ones from home and from the Delta Quadrant and they were filling the holodeck with a pleasant smell. Neelix had set up a buffet table at the far end of the room and from where Harry was standing it looked as though it was covered with trays that would be filled later with food. His mouth watered a little, he had not eaten since breakfast, and he had been so wrapped in his work that he had completely missed his normal lunch time.

He made his way to a corner of the room where Tom was making some last minute adjustments on the holo matrix. "You've outdone yourself this time, Tom."

"Thanks, Harry, but I'm not done yet," Tom replied with a smirk. Harry had seen that look before on their five and a half month journey home and it usually landed Tom and him in a heap load of trouble. "While I was looking through the database to find a good setting for this party, I came across something else that was interesting."

"Oh? What's that?"

"The Captain's birthday."

"You just happened to come across the Captain's personnel file while looking for a holo matrix?" Harry inquired.

Tom shrugged his shoulders. "Alright, so I went looking for it. I knew it was soon, I went to visit my father at work one day with my mother and we saw Captain Janeway in the office. Of course, I didn't know who she was; I was all of ten perhaps, but she was complaining that he was giving her the day off because it was her birthday. It was the spring. I went digging and found out that it was this month, May."

"Does she know you have any idea about this?" Harry asked.

"Not a clue," Tom said with a grin.

"Wonderful," Harry muttered. "What kind of surprise do you have in store for her?"

"Who says I have a surprise up my sleeve?"

"Paris, I know that look, you have something planned," Harry countered. "I just hope it doesn't get you thrown in the brig."

"That would put a crimp on my date," Tom said with a sly smile.

Harry cocked an eyebrow. "You have a date?"

"Yeah is that so hard to believe?" Tom asked, pretending to look angry.

"Well, just yesterday you had no date, so in the span of less than twenty-four hours you managed to find a date," Harry pointed out.

Tom looked up from what he was doing and gazed at something or someone, behind Harry. The younger man turned around to see what Tom was looking at and saw that it was none other than the object of Tom's affection since he came on board, Sarah Barrett. Harry remembered now that Neelix had requested that she help him set up, as "the morale department on _Voyager _I feel that is our duty, Counselor, to make sure that everything at the party is top notch." Harry smiled recalling Sarah's remark that she didn't know they had a morale department on _Voyager, _but she had asked the Captain permission to help regardless; Janeway had granted it. Harry snapped back to the present, had Tom finally gotten a date with Sarah? He had been chasing after her for five months now. "You mean you finally got a date with Sarah, after all these months?"

"Not yet," Tom said, "but I'm going too."

"You haven't asked her yet?" Harry gasped.

"No," Tom replied, "there hasn't been time."

"You do realize that the party is tonight, right?"

"Of course I do Harry, I'm the one who helped put it together."

"So when did you plan on asking her?" Harry asked, exasperated.

Tom set his jaw, finished up what he was doing and replied, "No time like the present."

Harry crossed his arms and watched as his friend moved across the holodeck to where Sarah was fluffing a flower arrangement. He had been present one of the first times that Tom had asked Sarah out, it had been in the mess hall at lunch. She had laughed and thought he was joking, when she figured out that he was serious she had told him no because they were too much a like, too similar that it would never work. Tom was persistent, she kept rejecting him. Harry wondered how long it was going to take before Tom gave up altogether and found someone else, which was too bad, Harry believed that Sarah and Tom would be good for one another. He thought for sure after their time on the Kreyole planet that they would have started to date, but Tom had not asked her since the _Excalibur _incident.

Now he was approaching her with his typical swagger and Harry had to grin at how damn cocky his best friend could be. Harry wanted to move closer so he could hear the conversation but didn't want to intrude on his best friend's privacy. So instead he took to pretending to be admiring the decorations until Tom rejoined him. "So," he said, turning to greet his friend. The look on Tom's face told him it had not gone according to plan, but this time, the look of rejection in his eyes, was shocking. Usually Tom faced her rejection as a new challenge. "What did she say?"

"She already has a date," he replied, softly.

"Already has a date, with who?"

"Ensign Murphy."

"Shepherd Murphy? I didn't even know he was interested in her," Harry said, astonished.

Tom looked disheartened. "Yeah, well, neither did I, but I guess things change." He let out a little sigh and looked around the holodeck. "I guess I'm going to this thing stag."

Harry reached out and patted his friend on the shoulder. "There could be worse things, Tom."

"Oh, what could be worse than watching the woman you love date another man?"

"Well, she could be marrying him."

"That makes me feel better, thanks Harry," Tom snapped sarcastically.

"Hey, you can't blame a man for trying."

"That's easy for you to say, you have a date."

Harry's face went white as a sheet. "Where did you hear that?"

"Oh come on, Harry, this is a small ship, nothing is a secret," Tom replied, with a smirk that didn't quite reach his eyes. He reached out and patted his friend on the shoulder. "And can I say, it's about time you asked her."

"It's not a date," Harry argued. "We agreed to sit together at the party tonight, I don't think that constitutes as a date."

"Whatever you say Harry," Tom said. "Why don't we get some lunch?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Tom glanced over his shoulder one last time before leaving with Harry and briefly caught Sarah's eyes. He wasn't sure but he thought he saw remorse in those eyes. Did she feel bad for him because she kept rejecting him? He mentally shook his head as they left the holodeck and proceeded towards the turbolift. He was sure that she cared for him, more than just a friend, why was she so resistant? Was the excuse that they were senior officers and couldn't form a relationship really the truth, or was there more? He didn't want to think about her being with someone else, but Shepherd Murphy was charming, reliable, and hell, most of the women on the ship wouldn't mind going on a date with him, he was incredibly good looking. _Damn I don't stand a chance, _Tom thought.

"Tell me something Harry," Tom said as they got into the lift. "Do I honestly have a shot in hell with Sarah Barrett? Or should just go back to chasing Meghan Delaney?"

Harry chuckled for a moment. "You're really letting her date with Murphy thing get to you, aren't you?"

"No," Tom snapped. "I just want an honest opinion."

"If you ask me, I think you're a little jealous of Ensign Murphy," Harry responded.

"I _AM _not jealous," Tom retorted, "however, since there are no secrets on this ship I thought it was wildly known that I was interested in her?"

"Well, sure that's no secret, but it's not like you're attached or anything," Harry pointed out as the lift's doors opened with a soft hiss.

"It's not like I haven't tried to make my move."

"Did you ever consider that she just doesn't have feelings for you that way?"

Of he had considered that, but he just didn't want to admit it. Besides Harry had not been in her quarters weeks ago when he had kissed her, there had been something between them but she was reluctant to explore it. _What are you doing Paris, moping like this? Damn it, she isn't marrying the man, fight for her. _"You know something," he said to Harry as they got their trays of food and went to find a seat, "I'm not worried about this whole date thing. I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve to warm her over."

Harry cocked an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Yeah," Tom said, as he sat down with a smile, "Just watch and learn, Harry; watch and learn."

* * *

The day had gone by surprisingly slow Kathryn Janeway realized as she made her way back to her quarters after Alpha shift had ended. Keying in her code all she wanted to do was take a bath and read a good book but she remembered she had promised Tom Paris that she would be at his and Neelix's party. A part of her had to admit the crew needed the distraction and it couldn't have come in a better part of space, where there was nothing but subspace echoes to investigate. The change of pace was welcomed to her though, after weeks of constant problems, it felt good to get through a normal day. And perhaps attending the party wouldn't be so bad. Besides she had picked out a perfectly nice dress for this get together and didn't want those rations she had used to replicate it go to waste.

With a little smile she went into her bedroom and found the dress spread out on the bed, waiting for her. It was a simple pale yellow spaghetti strap dress made out of a delicate fabric. It fluttered around her knees and had an empire waist. She had a similar one back home on Earth, she had worn it on her first date with Bryan. Of course she wasn't planning on finding a potential mate tonight, but it wouldn't hurt to let the crew know that there was indeed a woman underneath all that Starfleet material.

She took the dress into her bathroom and began the lengthy process of striping her uniform. _You would think that Starfleet would come up with a more comfortable piece of clothing, _she thought as she threw her tunic aside. She slipped on the dress and turned to look at her self in the mirror. Deciding that the bun was too formal for this outfit she reached up and began to pull the pins out, letting the long tresses of her hair spill down her back, using a few of the pins to hold the hair back at the sides. A splash of perfume and a touch up of her make up and she was ready to go. Stepping out into the living room she saw that Ava and Michael were ready as well, sitting on the sofa each dressed up in outfits that Tal must have programmed into the replicator.

The children had been angry that they missed the gala that the Bellians had put on for the crew and Michael had insisted that they be allowed to attend Neelix's party. Ava probably could have cared less, but Kathryn couldn't say no to her when she had said yes to Michael. "Ready?" she asked the children softly.

"Ready!" Michael replied jumping off the sofa.

"Weady!" Ava repeated jumping off of the sofa too, pigtails bouncing.

Kathryn smiled and gestured for them to come with her. As the doors slid open she came face to face with her first officer, her dashingly handsome first officer wearing a simple button down shirt and khaki pants. He flashed the small family one of his grins. "I was just making sure you were still going to come."

"We were just on our way out."

"Can I have the honor then?" He asked her, holding his arm out to her.

She smiled as she placed her hand through his arm. As they began to walk Kathryn found she enjoyed the sensation of being next to him like this, a feeling of being safe washed over her. For a few precious moments they weren't so far from home, they weren't facing life and death situations everyday; if she closed her eyes she could almost believe that her family wasn't separated by a tragic death and thousands upon thousands of light years. Briefly she wondered if he made her feel this safe, how safe did he make her children feel? Michael had taken to him immediately and although Ava had taken longer to warm up to him, he was now the only one she trusted to make sure that her room had no monsters; to make sure that she was safe.

The children were holding hands, Michael gently running so his sister could keep up, Ava laughed wildly. It was a sight she wished Bryan could see, perhaps he can, wherever his now. She wasn't a deeply spiritual person, but even she had to cling to the thought that somewhere they would all be together again. She became aware that Chakotay was studying her while they waited for the turbolift.

"Are you alright Kathryn?"

"I'm fine," she said with a broad smile. "Actually I think I'm more than fine."

Chakotay felt a wave of relief wash through him. She had seemed apprehensive throughout the day and he wondered if it was the prospect of going to the party and socializing with her crew that made her uncomfortable. She had come a long way in their five months out in the Delta Quadrant, but he surmised she still had miles to go. "I'm glad; even captains are allowed to enjoy life every now and then."

"I suppose they are," Kathryn whispered as they stepped into the turbo lift.

"Besides, it would be a shame if you had missed it, I heard that Tom and Neelix have a surprise for you," Chakotay continued.

"A surprise for me," she repeated, a little uncertain. "What kind of surprise?"

"Oh something about it being almost May twentieth."

"Is it really?"

"It is."

She had completely lost track of the months and time it seemed, and some how Tom Paris had dug up when her birthday was, _absolutely wonderful_, she thought with a scowl as they stepped out of the turbolift. If Paris knew about her birthday she could only imagine what kind of surprise he had in store for her. Chakotay didn't seem to notice her scowl, too busy watching the children race each other to the holodeck. Kathryn relaxed a little as they entered the holodeck, she could handle whatever surprise Tom had in store, she had handled much worse she fathomed. Instantly, upon seeing the beautiful program that Tom had put together, the scowl left her face. The ballroom was elegant but the openness of it, the fresh breezes coming from a moon lit plain is what threw Kathryn. It reminded her of home.

Chakotay escorted her into the room, the doors hissing shut behind her. He led her to a table that Neelix had set up for the senior staff. Harry Kim was already seated fiddling nervously with his silverware, while B'Elanna Torres was standing, pouring them champagne. Chakotay could see why Harry was nervous, he was sure that when the young ensign suggested that they attended the party together, as friends, that B'Elanna wasn't going to wear a striking blue dress that proved she was every bit a woman as the next. He smiled slightly leading Kathryn towards the table. Harry had not been the only one who had their breath taken away when they saw a woman that night. When the doors to her quarters had opened and he had seen her standing there in a pale yellow sundress, her hair down, he had thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. The dress she had on was positively flattering and flirty and for a few moments he forgot that this beautiful woman was actually his captain.

A captain that would probably never consider a relationship with a subordinate and it saddened him to think that she would put her personal life aside to get her ship home. He took his seat at the table, watching as Kathryn settled the children down at a small table of their own. She was relaxed in this setting, the Captain's mask shed for a few precious moments, and in those moments she was absolutely stunning. He wished she would drop the mask more often.

Throughout the night she moved about the room socializing with the crew, smiling at them with that angelic smile of hers. She even laughed heartily when Tom and Neelix presented her with a birthday cake, their surprise for her that evening. While the crew sang to her and she blew out the candles, Chakotay smiled with amusement, thinking back to what she had said weeks earlier when the future Ava Janeway had left them. _We have a family here, Chakotay, and it's worth fighting for. _ It was true, this wasn't a crew anymore, they were becoming a family, sharing the good times and the bad like no crew before them.

Little did any of them know that in a few short hours their happy faces and bright outlooks would soon be cast away.

In the moment though, danger was far from their mind, and the command team was happy to see their crew having fun, themselves including. Sometime during the night, Kathryn slipped out of the holodeck, no doubt carrying a sleeping Ava, and Chakotay decided to call it a night as well, shaking Tom's hand and giving Neelix a nod of gratitude. "You've outdone yourself, gentlemen, this is exactly what we needed."

Tom grinned. "Thanks, Commander. Sure you won't stay longer?"

Chakotay laughed. "No the night is for you young people."

The pilot's eyes roamed about the room for a moment. "And it's not over yet."

"Whatever happens, Tom, make sure you're on time for duty tomorrow," Chakotay said with a wink as he exited the holodeck.

Tom grinned and moved through the crowd towards a table of junior officers. Seated in the middle of them was Sarah Barrett, wearing a white sundress with a subtle pink floral pattern, a matching pink sash accenting her slim waist and she had pink sandals on. Her hair was clipped back loosely with silver barrettes and hung in soft curls. He had kept his distance the whole night, allowing her time with her _date, _but now it was his turn to make a move. "Lieutenant," he said, stepping up to the table. "Can I have a word with you for a moment?"

Sarah looked confused. "Now?"

"Yes, please."

Since he had used her rank she assumed it was important. Excusing herself she followed him out of the simulated ballroom into the equally simulated cool air of the surrounding plains. "What is it that it couldn't wait until tomorrow, Tom?"

"Nothing, just wanted to show you this personally."

"Show me what?" she asked as they walked along, further away from the ballroom into the darkness of the plains.

He climbed up over a hill and stopped. "Remember this place?"

She looked around not sure. "No, should I?"

"Here, let me remind you," he said, lowering himself down onto a rock, reaching for her hand. He guided her down to sit next to him, letting one arm drape over her shoulders. "Do you remember now?"

It took her a few moments, but she smiled and settled against his shoulder. "The Kreyole planet," she whispered.

"I know it wasn't the most romantic place we've been, but at night, I perceived it as a different world."

"So did I."

"I thought we could sit here for a few minutes, that is, if your date doesn't mind," Tom cautioned.

"He was boring anyways," Sarah remarked, closing her eyes.

Tom took the opportunity, now that she wasn't looking at him, to grin. "Really? That's too bad."

"Liar," she snapped playfully. "You didn't like the idea of me dating him from the start."

"Alright, you're right, I didn't. But can I help it if I think I'm better for you?"

She squirmed a little underneath his arm, he held her firmly in place. They were having this discussion whether she liked it or not. "Tom," she said, eyes opening and looking at him. How could she make him see her fear? "So much could go wrong," she whispered finally.

"But so much could be right, we don't know until we try."

"We could get hurt."

"I'm willing to risk it," he said, leaning down, his lips inches from hers when the comline beeped.

_"Senior Officers to the Bridge."_

_Damn it, _Tom thought as they both sprang to their feet, _whoever decided to interfere with Voyager right now had picked a lousy time. _He hated the silence that they walked in, towards the lift, how she was doing everything in her power not to look at him. He was even more disappointed when they were joined in the lift by Harry and B'Elanna, griping about how they had been pulled away from a perfectly good party. _Well, at least someone had a good night, _Tom thought, whimsically looking at his best friend. Even though his love life seemed to be hitting a dead end by falling for a girl that for all intent and purposes was afraid of committing to him, Harry's was moving right along. The young ensign and chief engineer would probably deny it, but Tom wasn't fooled by their showing up at ship functions as _friends._

The group of officers stepped onto the bridge and took their stations. Janeway and Chakotay were the last to arrive and the Captain demanded a report.

"We're receiving a transmission, Captain; from Doctor Jetrel."

"We haven't heard from him in almost two months," Chakotay commented.

"Maybe he found out who fired on the Bellians?" Sarah offered.

"Put it on screen, Mister Kim."

The aging face of Doctor Mabor Jetrel filled the screen in a clouded transmission. Immediately the bridge crew could see that this was not the same man that they had left a few months prior, helping the Bellians find who had brutally attacked their world. There was no spark in his eyes and it appeared on the faded transmission that there were bruises on his face. "Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay, I wish that I was contacting you on better terms."

"Are you in trouble, Doctor Jetrel? Can we help you?" Janeway asked, looking worried.

"I'm afraid I have found out who fired on the Bellians. You are not going to like who it was and their reasoning. Please, I must meet with you," Jetrel begged. "I will send you my coordinates."

"I'm receiving them now, Captain, he's about two point three lightyears from here," Kim reported.

"If we maintain a speed of warp seven we could be there by morning," Paris pointed out.

Janeway set her jaw. "We're on our way to meet you Doctor Jetrel, _Voyager _out." She motioned for Chakotay to join her in the ready room, but as she moved past Barrett, the counselor reached out and grabbed a hold of her arm. Janeway was forced to face her.

"Captain, I don't think we should be going," the young woman stated, bluntly.

"Why?"

"Something doesn't feel right about it," Barrett replied.

"I appreciate your concerns, Lieutenant, but Doctor Jetrel could be in trouble," Janeway said. "And we owe him a favor." She turned about again and disappeared into the ready room, Chakotay following behind her. Across the sector, little did they knew, the pieces were being moved into place and they were becoming a pawn in a massive game.

* * *


	76. Chapter 76

_Disclaimers: Everything belongs to Paramount, except Sarah Barrett, Ava and Michael Janeway. I'm just borrowing them for my own pleasure and making no profit off of this. _

A/N: Here's the next chappie :). As always reviews are welcome and I will do my best to get back to you, just do not be mean, I can't tolerate mean people. Enjoy!

* * *

The happy atmosphere around the ship had slowly washed way as news of Doctor Jetrel's message hit the circuit. Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay had spent the rest of the night in her ready room going over every fine detail and possible situation that could arise from meeting up with the scientist. Harry Kim couldn't say he felt better knowing that his commanding officers were doing everything to diminish the chance of surprises coming up. He had only managed to get a few hours of sleep after being dismissed from the bridge. Judging by the looks on his colleagues faces as he entered the mess hall four hours later for some breakfast, they hadn't gotten much sleep either. 

Grabbing a tray of what Neelix called waffles, which really just looked like a pile of green mush; Harry went to join Tom Paris and Sarah Barrett at a table in the far end of the room. Their heads were lowered and he assumed they were talking about what had happened the night before. Upon reaching the table he realized that it was a much more personal conversation.

"There is _nothing _between me and Crewman Jarvin," Sarah hissed.

"Oh, so that little display of affection just now was what…reassurance from the ship's counselor," Tom argued.

"I helped him pick up his dropped food tray! How is that a display of affection?"

Tom moved his food around with his fork. He was tired, had spent the few hours that had been given to him to sleep, agonizing over loosing Sarah to another man and what Doctor Jetrel's encrypted message was all about. He hadn't meant to make such a big deal out of what had happened, her helping Jarvin pick up his discarded tray and clean up the mess. But she had done it with a sweet smile on her face, laughing when he made a joke, and blushing slightly when their hands had touched. "You seemed to like it when his hand touched yours."

Sarah stood up abrupt, taking her tray with her. "I _AM_ not having this conversation; not here, _NOT _now." She turned about to see Harry standing there, his mouth a gape a little. "Morning, Harry," she muttered under her breath as she moved away from the table and went to recycle her tray.

Harry watched her go for a moment, before setting his tray down on the table. "Care to fill me in?"

"It doesn't matter anymore, Harry," Tom grumbled.

"Of course it does, or you wouldn't be so upset."

Tom pushed his tray away from him. "It really doesn't matter, Harry. I've lost her for good."

"I thought the date with Murphy didn't go so well, at least that's what I heard from B'Elanna," Harry said, cautiously tasting his breakfast. "He told his friends that although Sarah was beautiful, they didn't seem to strike any cords; they're better off as friends."

The pilot sitting across from him felt his heart flutter with the slightest bit of hope, but then he thought about her blushing under Jarvin's gaze and hand brushing against hers, and it came crashing back down. "Maybe she didn't connect with Murphy, but there are loads of men on this ship; she's bound to connect with one of them sooner or later." He threw hishead backfor a moment and sighed. "I was so close last night Harry, I could feel it. We were finally on the same plane I think and then we got pulled away to the bridge and all her fears were suddenly realized again. I don't know what she's so afraid of."

"Did you ever think to ask her that?" Harry inquired. Tom raised his head to look at his best friend. "Maybe something happened in her past that makes her worried about starting a relationship with someone she works so closely with. Murphy or Jarvinwould be much safer choices because she doesn't see them everyday, except in passing."

Tom had never thought about that before. _Fool, _he chastised himself. He stood up taking his tray with him. "Thanks Harry, for the sounding board. See ya later."

"Where are you going?" Harry asked while chewing his food.

"There's something I need to do before I report to duty," Tom said going to recycle his tray. He searched the database for a moment, then with a grin replicated something Harry couldn't see from across the room before leaving the mess hall. The walk to her office wasn't that long, it was just around the corner, and he was sure that is where she had retreated to before she too had to report for duty. If she wasn't there, then well, he would just have to bring his gift to the bridge. The Captain would just have to understand that nothing was going to stop him, not even her death glare. He pressed the chime.

She didn't allow him entrance or just wasn't inside. "Computer, locate Lieutenant Barrett?"

"_Lieutenant Barrett is in her office._"

"Is she alone?"

"_Affirmative._"

He pressed the chime again. "I know you're in there Lieutenant."

"_Go away!" _She snapped over the comline.

"You're not getting rid of me that easily," he replied, using an override trick he had learned in prison he burst into her office.

She was sitting on her sofa, leaning forward slightly and gasped when he abruptly entered, lifting her tear stained face to his. _Oh hell, she's been crying, nice going Paris, _Tom thought miserably as Sarah jumped to her feet. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" she screamed. "I thought I made it clear that I don't want to talk to you!"

Tom took a deep breath to calm himself. He searched her face for a moment before speaking. "You may not want to talk, but you _need _to talk. I don't know much about your past, and quite frankly, I don't give a damn about it. I'm not exactly the poster child for Starfleet, either, but I'm doing my best to make a life for myself out here. Is it so wrong to want you to be a part of that? Is the idea so repulsive that you won't even consider it? If you tell me right now to leave and walk away and never think about what we could have again, then so be it, I will. But I need to know, Sarah, once and for all."

Her eyes filled with tears and her lower lip quivered. "Tom," she said, her voice wavering, "you don't understand."

"Then make me understand," he said, presenting her the ivory, pink edged rose he had replicated using his last bit of rations.

"What's this?" she asked.

"A peace rose," he replied with a little grin. "It was given that name when Berlin, Germany was taken by the Allies in the Second World War." Their fingers brushed slightly when she took it from him and he felt a tingly sensation run up his skin. He wanted to hold on to that hand forever but watched as it moved away from him and brought the rose to her face so she could smell it.

"It's beautiful," she murmured.

"Make me understand, Sarah," he whispered, inching closer to her. "Tell me why we can't have something as beautiful as this rose."

"I'm scared Tom."

"Of what?"

"Of how fast and hard I've fallen," Sarah answered, placing the rose on her desk.

"It's frightened me a little to, but it made me realize something, that it has to be special," Tom said, wanting to touch her, but held his hands firmly at his sides. He wasn't about to ruin this moment, she was opening up to him; he couldn't have that come crashing down now. "There's always a certain amount of fear when starting out on a new relationship, Sarah."

A lone tear made a path down her cheek. "I thought I had that love you speak of, you know, something special, beautiful; I was wrong." She shook her head and turned away. "It's not important now; it was a long time ago."

"Obviously it's important Sarah, or it wouldn't be influencing you so much," Tom said. He could clearly see the hurt in her eyes when she looked at him and he would do anything to wash that look away. "It hurt you, Sarah."

"Not it, _he; _he hurt me."

Tom watched as her shoulders slumped while she moved to look out the viewport. "Sarah," he said, gently. "You need to let it out. You can't keep it pent up inside all this time. Whoever he is, he's gone, left behind in the Alpha Quadrant. What you need to focus on is the here and now in the Delta Quadrant."

Sarah turned slightly to look at him. "His name was David Neil. We met on my first assignment, the _Missouri. _After that, because he was one of Starfleet's top tactical officers, he was assigned to the _Explorer. _I've heard rumors that he was influential in getting me assigned to that ship, however he never was forth coming with me. We started seeing each other our first month on the _Explorer. _Even though he was my superior and every away mission had to be logged and approved by him before bringing it to the Captain, we didn't let our personal feelings get it in the way."

"But…things changed," Tom guessed.

"Yes, things changed," she spat angrily, shifting again so she was facing the window. "He began to take me off away missions, important times that I needed to be on the Borg cube. When I confronted him about it he said that he was trying to protect me. I didn't want to be coddled, Tom, I went straight to the Captain to complain. After that, well our relationship went south and fast. When I was in prison he never once came to see me, and he never showed up at my trial. He showed up when I was in rehab and said it was over, I had disappointed him." She wiped at her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself tightly. "I don't think he realized how alone, how hurt I was when he said that."

Tom climbed the steps to her sitting area and went to wrap his arms around her from behind. She leaned against him. "Sarah, I promise, I won't hurt you."

"How can you be sure of that Tom?"

"Because even though I may appear to be a big jerk like him, I'm not, and I wouldn't just abandon you when things get tough," Tom assured her.

She turned in his arms, clasping her own around his waist, and buried her face against his uniform wanting his promise not to be empty, but she was leery of it. They didn't know what was going to happen to _Voyager _in the future. Something could happen that could tear them apart, he could leave her because there was just no reason to stay anymore. But being his arms did feel good, perhaps a little too good, never the less, she wasn't about to move from her position and she got the feeling that Tom was happy to stand there like this as well.

"_Senior officers report to the bridge; we're approaching Doctor Jetrel's coordinates._"

Tom pressed his eyes tightly together, his face buried in Sarah's soft hair. Damn duty was always getting in the way of these precious moments. Already Sarah was shifting to move out of his grasp. He wasn't about to let her go so quickly. "Hey," he said, softly, "are you alright?"

She smiled wistfully. "I am now," she replied, brushing a gentle kiss across his lips. Sliding out of his arms she led the way out of the office towards the turbolift. They met up with Harry and Neelix before getting in and Tom cursed silently. He would have taken that kiss a little further if it hadn't been for the others showing up.

_Oh well, Paris, perhaps there will be time for that later, _he thought as he entered the bridge. Commander Chakotay was standing in the middle of the command station, a PADD in his hand. Tom went to relieve his counterpart at the helm and took his station. On the viewscreen there was nothing before them but empty space. Perhaps they had gotten the coordinates wrong. He looked at his instruments to see that there had been a ship there recently, there was an ion trail. _Wait, there's two ion trails. _And he recognized one immediately. "Commander, I'm picking up a Gerroan warship ion trail."

"Tuvok," Chakotay whirled about, "any sign of Gerroan ships in this area."

"None sir," the Vulcan replied. "It appears that they are no longer present in this region."

"Doesn't mean they won't come back," Tom muttered.

"Send a hail to Doctor Jetrel, tell him we've arrived," Chakotay ordered.

"Aye, sir," Harry echoed.

Chakotay turned towards Neelix. "Any theories why the Gerroan would be in this region of space?"

"No, we're still light years from the heart of their territory. In fact, I had already plotted a course around their space so we avoid it completely. Captain Janeway and Mister Paris were going to look over it later in the week," Neelix replied. "I'm just as confused as why they are out here; there are no inhabitable planets in this region and we haven't picked up any sign of the Kreyole in this region, and the Kreyole are their sole purpose for leaving their own territory."

"Doctor Jetrel drew them out," Sarah said, staring at the screen.

"Pardon?" Chakotay asked.

"Report," Janeway ordered storming onto the bridge. "Sorry I'm late I had…other things to take care of." She shuddered thinking about the mess in her quarters at the moment, but at least the children were cleaned up. "Anything from Doctor Jetrel?"

"He isn't here, Captain," Chakotay informed her.

"Isn't here?"

"We've picked up his ion trail, should I follow it Captain?" Paris asked.

"There's something you should be made aware of Captain," Chakotay said, "the Gerroan could be in the area."

Janeway set her jaw. "Bring the adapted shielding online to hide us from their sensors and follow Doctor Jetrel's warp trail, Mister Paris." She let out a heavy sigh and went to take her chair. Closing her eyes for a moment she ran through all the possibilities of why Doctor Jetrel had not been here like promised. None of them were good, all ending in disaster. She opened her eyes to look at her first officer. "I was hoping that we wouldn't be running into the Gerroan again. Seems my wishes fell on deaf ears."

Chakotay glanced briefly at Sarah and Neelix sitting to the right of the Captain. "Neelix may have thought plotting a course around their space would keep us away from them, but I think Supreme Commander Casius is not going to give up so easily." _Especially where a young lieutenant is concerned. _

She sighed again. "No, he won't, which has me deeply worried."

* * *

_Captain's Log, stardate, 48846.5; We have rendezvous with a Kitae freighter that had last contacted Doctor Jetrel twenty four hours ago. According to them he was on his way to Nydia, home world of the Nydians. His intentions however, were not made clear, and this has me troubled._

* * *

Kathryn Janeway stood in the middle of the command station, hands on her hips, speaking with the captain of the Kitae freighter they had made contact with regarding Doctor Jetrel. The news that the captain had to give her was nothing she wanted to hear and only posed more questions. _Where is he going? _She wondered silently. _And why does he want Voyager involved? _"Captain, I appreciate anything you can tell us about this region of space and what could possibly have Doctor Jetrel so interested in it." 

"The Nydians are powerful allies to have Captain, especially if you are to be traveling in this part of space. I assume Doctor Jetrel went there for protection from the Gerroan," the Kitae captain replied, rubbing his coarse black chin whiskers. "Why he would need protection from the Gerroan is beyond me, they only seem interested in the Kreyole and purging them from our galaxy. Unless of course, we're talking about you and _Voyager. _It's wildly known that Supreme Commander Casius is fixated on your ship, Captain Janeway. If I was you, I would turn around and head back the way you came and not bother to find Doctor Jetrel, especially if his ion trail leads you right into Gerroan territory."

Kathryn shook her head. "I'm afraid that I can't do that. Doctor Jetrel asked for our help and I'm not about to abandon him."

"Very well Captain, I can give you some star charts of this region and offer the services of theKitae if you shall need it, but I do not advise this course of action," the freighter captain replied.

"Thank you, hopefully I won't have to contact you for help, Janeway out." The man's face disappeared from the screen and Kathryn ordered Tom to proceed on their course, following Doctor Jetrel's ion trail, at warp four. She idled back to her chair and lowered her body into it, already feeling the aches of a long day creeping into her spine. So far they had not run into any Gerroan ships but that was very little comfort because there was always the chance that their sensors would not pick them up. Even though Tuvok and Harry had both assured her that they were monitoring their sensors and instruments twenty four seven, Kathryn still felt that they were vulnerable.

Her ship's counselor felt the same way. Kathryn didn't need to hear Sarah say it, but her eyes gave her away. She was terribly frightened by the presence of the Gerroan in this territory and the disappearance of Doctor Jetrel. She had even suggested that they turn around, not press forward for fear of something terrible awaiting them. Kathryn had felt obligated to help Doctor Jetrel and they had no idea if he was in trouble with the Gerroan.

Leaning her head against the headrest of her chair, she closed her eyes and squeezed them shut. It was only twenty four hours ago that the crew had been happy and celebrating in the holodeck, she had been blowing out candles on a birthday cake, the children had been laughing and playing. How things could change in that span of twenty four hours never ceased to amaze her. The ship jolted and her eyes snapped open. "Report!"

"A Gerroan warship has just appeared off our port stern!" Harry shouted.

"Red alert! Mister Paris bring us about!Tuvok return fire, target their weapon's array!"

"How the hell didn't we see them approach?" Chakotay snapped.

"I'm not sure, sir, they must have masked their signature somehow," Harry muttered as the ship spun from a direct hit to their port nacelle.

"We've lost warp engines!" Tom shouted. "I'm switching to impulse!"

Kathryn gripped the edge of her chair and stood up, managing to keep her balance as her ship was tossed about from weapon's fire. "Open a channel," she growled. "Gerroan warship this is Captain Kathryn Janeway, cease fire or I'll be forced to retaliate." There was no response and Kathryn turned her dark look on her tactical officer. "Target their warp core."

Tuvok nodded his head. "Firing forward and aft phasers."

"Evasive maneuvers Mister Paris!"

"Yes ma'am."

The next blast rocked the ship so violently that several crewmen, along with Kathryn, went tumbling from their stations. Consoles exploded, a conduit pipe broke through the bulkhead above the command station and hung inches from Chakotay's face. Instruments and stations were blaring all sorts of different warnings and Kathryn had to stagger to get back to her feet. "Report!"

"We've lost our shields!"

"Weapon's are down!"

Sarah was on her feet, moving towards the Captain. "Captain, we should turn around!"

"We don't have any engines," Paris griped, running his fingers over his console. "We're dead in the water, ma'am."

There was a whine of a transporter behind them and instinctively Kathryn dove for the phaser that was underneath her chair. One of the Gerroan soldiers that had appeared drove his weapon down onto the base of her skull and she collapsed against her chair, blacking out for a moment. Chakotay had managed to get his own phaser and fire it at the soldier when he was struck he disappeared via a transporter only to be replaced by another. Kathryn tried pulling herself up to her feet while Tuvok's security attempted to subdue the intruders but the room spun and the one thing that she was aware of before slipping back into a state of darkness was one of the soldiers grabbing a hold of Sarah's arm, the transporter whining again, and the soldiers, along with Sarah, vanished.

Snapping back to reality she fought the urge to fall asleep. "Tuvok," she gasped, "can we get a lock on her?"

"Our transporters were significantly damaged in that last weapon's exchange," Tuvok replied.

Kathryn nearly cursed.

"Captain," Harry said, "the Gerroan are powering their weapon's again, they're targeting our warp core."

This time she did curse. If they fired on the warp core _Voyager _would explode. There was no shielding protecting them. Tom's assessment that they were dead in the water seemed to be correct.

* * *

Sarah blinked, taking in her surroundings after coming out of the transporter beam. Two of the five Gerroan soldiers that had boarded _Voyager's _bridge were still holding onto her arms tightly and dragged her alongside a lengthy table. At the end of the table there was a massive chair, the back towards them and Sarah couldn't see who was in it, but she had a good guess. When they reached the end of the table the lead soldier came to attention.

"Supreme Commander, we have obtained our target," he reported.

Dellon Casius spun his chair about and grinned at her. "Excellent work, now, are the weapon's targeted on _Voyager's _warp core?"

"They are sir."

"Hold our position here until I give you further orders. You may leave us Quierron."

Sarah watched as the detail of soldiers left her standing in the large room with one of the most dangerous men she had ever encountered. She swallowed back the fear that was rising in her throat as she stared him down. "Return me to my ship, Casius." She tried to do her best imitation of Janeway's death glare but felt that it was having no effect on him. He wasn't a man that was easily intimidated and especially not by a death glare. "Captain Janeway is not going to take kindly to you abducting me."

Casius chuckled. "I figured as much, that is why I've come to offer a little proposition to you."

"A proposition? What kind of proposition?"

"_Voyager _is entering the heart of my territory, Lieutenant, I have a way that will secure _Voyager_ safe passage through this space, otherwise I cannot be responsible what happens to you and your crew," Casius replied, "I assume that I'm making myself perfectly clear, aren't I Sarah?"

She intensified her glare. "Are you threatening me, Supreme Commander?"

"Let's face the facts, Sarah, you come from across the galaxy and consort with our enemy and expect me to let go about your merry way," Casius said, sternly. "I'm afraid that it doesn't work that way, Lieutenant. You of all people should be aware of this." He grinned at her, a sly grin that sent shivers up her spine. "But, I'm willing to work out a deal with you, an…ultimatum if you please."

Sarah felt her skin crawl. She didn't like where this was going, in fact she was pretty certain she knew where this was going. "Very well, what's this _ultimatum, _you have for me?"

"Come with me and I'll forgo the destruction of your precious _Voyager._"

"You wouldn't dare…" Sarah gasped.

"Oh but I would, Lieutenant," he snarled, standing up. He reached her in three powerful strides and took her chin in his hand. "I always win, Sarah. It's time to finish this game."

Tears welded in her eyes, angry ones. "And if I refuse?"

"_Voyager _will be nothing but a pile of debris."

She closed her eyes letting the tears fall freely down her cheeks. _I'm sorry Tom, _she thought sadly as the hot liquid running down her face burnt at her cool skin. Opening her eyes she saw the triumphant look on Casius face. "You're leaving me very little choice." She swallowed the bile that rose and closed her eyes again. "I'll go with you," she whispered, "just don't hurt _Voyager._"

"_Supreme Commander, Captain Janeway is hailing us; she demands that we return her officer immediately._"

"Patch the transmission through, Gaffa, I will gladly speak to her," Casius replied. He turned towards a large viewscreen and was staring right into the angry eyes of _Voyager's _bridge crew. "Captain Janeway, what a pleasant surprise."

"I should have known that you were behind this, Casius," Janeway snarled. "Return Lieutenant Barrett to _Voyager _and we'll be on our way."

"I'm afraid that I can't do that, Captain. You see I've given Sarah a choice; either she comes with me, or I destroy _Voyager._"

Janeway's face became dark with rage. "My officers are not bargaining chips, Supreme Commander."

"I really don't think you have much say in this Captain. My weapon's are trained on you now, with your shields down it won't take much to destroy your ship," Casius replied with a smug grin. "Sarah's willing to sacrifice herself for your ship; I suggest you let her go peacefully. She has made her decision; it's out of your hands Captain. But then again you hate that don't you? Not having control?"

Janeway ignored him and looked over his shoulder at Sarah. "You don't have to do this Lieutenant," she said.

"I won't be responsible for _Voyager's _destruction," Sarah replied, her voice wavering, "I'm sorry Captain."

Casius stepped in the way so Janeway and the rest of the bridge crew couldn't see her anymore. "There you see, Captain. She's made her choice. It was nice doing business with you." He cut the transmission and turned to smile at Sarah. "I'll have Quierron escort you to your quarters." He pressed a button and the young soldier that had been in charge of the detail to capture her from _Voyager _came into the room. "Take Lieutenant Barrett to her quarters. I will be on the bridge if you need me."

Sarah turned to go with the soldier. As she reached the doors Casius called out, "Oh and Sarah." She turned to face him and his smug grin. "Game…set…match."

* * *


	77. Chapter 77

* * *

"I want to know how the hell we didn't see that ship coming!" Kathryn Janeway yelled, scathingly at the top of her lungs. She was sure that Samantha Wildman seated at the science station jumped out of her seat momentarily at the loudness of the Captain's voice. "All our sensors were calibrated so we'd know a head of time if they were near!"

Tuvok didn't seem bothered by his commanding officer's angry outburst. He deftly ran his fingers over the controls and calmly stated, "My only theory is that the Gerroan warship was monitoring us the whole time."

"They would have had to have known what course we were on and where we were going, Tuvok," Chakotay stated. "We haven't had any contact with the Gerroan since that planet, which was almost three months ago. Could they have been monitoring us this whole time?"

"If they were, they would have attacked sooner since their clear objective was to capture Lieutenant Barrett," Tuvok replied.

"So we're back at square one," Janeway growled.

Chakotay watched as she rubbed the sore spot on her head where the Gerroan soldier had struck her. He frowned for a moment. She had already refused medical treatment and he knew that she was not about to back down so easily. An officer had been abducted right before all of them, made into a pawn in some sick man's game, and they still didn't have any idea_ how _it had all come to parturition. "So what do you want to do Captain? Continue to look for Doctor Jetrel, or go after Casius?"

"We're not going anywhere for a while, Commander," Paris grumbled. "Engines are still offline; they did some heavy damage to us. When we do get them back online you don't honestly think we should be going after Doctor Jetrel?"

Remembering Sarah's comment from earlier that day, about Doctor Jetrel drawing the Gerroan out, he nodded his head. "I think he has some answers that we need." He saw Paris' eyes flash with anger, the blue, almost grey, turning to dark thunder clouds. Chakotay instantly felt sorry for the young pilot. Sarah meant a lot to him, he loved her, it was no secret to anyone on _Voyager. _He wouldn't be surprised if Tom went all maverick on them and took off to find Sarah on his own. And _Voyager— _Kathryn— couldn't handle that happening.

"We can't just sit here and do nothing, Captain!" Paris yelled.

Janeway held her hand up to silence him, giving him a soft look. "There isn't much we can do right now Tom. We don't have propulsion and other primary systems have taken heavy damage. We just don't have the resources to fly into Gerroan space and come out of it alive."

"So finding Doctor Jetrel is the answer to that?" Paris snapped, losing the slim control he had on his emotions. Sarah was gone, snatched by the ruthless leader of a malevolent people and they were stuck in the middle of space with no engines, weapons, or shields. The further away the Gerroan ship got, the less of a chance _Voyager _had of finding and saving Sarah. "I'm sorry Captain, I just don't see what help Doctor Jetrel can bring for us."

"Well, we aren't going any where for a while, we have plenty of time to come up with a plan," Janeway said, glaring at Paris, silencing him. "And I expect to have one in place by the time we get underway again, is that clear?" She heard a few mumbles and considering the mental condition they were all in, she accepted it and strode off the bridge into her ready room. Her sofa looked inviting and she plopped down onto it, lowering her head to hands and did something that was very unbecoming of Starfleet captains; she cried. Tears of anger and guilt ran down her cheeks, dripping down her fingers and splashing onto the floor. She didn't care. She had failed, _failed, _she, Kathryn Janeway had done the one thing that Starfleet captains were not suppose to do, she had failed to protect a member of her crew. They didn't stand a chance against the Gerroan but could she turn_ Voyager _around and never look back, condemning Sarah to a life in captivity?

A new onslaught of tears started and she pressed her fist into her mouth to muffle her sobs. _She told me not to go after Doctor Jetrel, I didn't listen to her and now she's had to sacrifice her freedom to protect us. _Kathryn couldn't get beyond the fact that she had not listened to her counselor, to her empathic senses, and gone flying after Doctor Jetrel. The scientist was probably dead.

"_Chakotay to Janeway."_

Kathryn sucked in the last sob and pressed her combadge. "Janeway here."

"_We're being hailed by a Kitae ship."_

Kathryn's head shot up and her hands fell to her lap. "I'll be right there Commander." Standing up she quickly wiped away the tears that were on her cheeks and still in her eyes. She went to her replicator and replicated a cool wash cloth and wiped her face hoping that it would erase any signs that she had been crying. Sucking in a small breath she tossed the cloth back onto the replicator and proceeded to the bridge.

"Commodore Gvena, Captain," Chakotay gestured towards the viewscreen.

Kathryn faked a smile. "Commodore, what can I do for you?"

"Actually, Captain Janeway, I was going to ask you that very same question. We picked up Gerroan weapon's fire not far from our location and decided to investigate. This is an unusual place to see the Supreme Commander," Gvena replied.

"It's seems Commodore, that we are the reason that the Gerroan have traveled out this way," Kathryn replied. " We responded to a message from Doctor Jetrel. The Gerroan attacked us. They've taken one of my officers hostage."

"Lieutenant Barrett."

Kathryn felt a lump forming in her throat just at the mention of Sarah's name. "Yes, how did you know?"

"It was no secret, Captain, the Supreme Commander's fascination with her."

_And we still weren't able to keep her safe, _Kathryn lamented. Her lips quivered slightly, she felt another onslaught of tears coming on and she bit, hard, down onto her bottom lip to stop herself from crying. _Not here, not now on the bridge. _"Do you have any idea where they would take her?" she asked. Her voice was surprisingly strong, considering how vulnerable she was feeling at that very moment.

"My best guess is Gerroa Prime."

"How far away is that?"

"Fifteen lightyears."

Kathryn sighed, her shoulders slumping. At maxiumn warp it would take them at least two days to get there, and that was barring no more attacks by Gerroan warships. Now, add to the fact that they would be flying into the heart of the alien's territory, _Voyager _didn't stand a chance.

"Do you plan on going after her Captain?" the Commodore asked.

"You don't me very well, Commodore, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt; it's not my custom to abandon a member of my crew," Kathryn said, sternly.

Gvena grinned, boardly. "Captain Henu of the Nydians was right about you and your people, you certainly have tenacity." The grin left his face. "However, your ship would not survive traveling into Gerroan territory, especially when they will know why you have come."

Kathryn swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. "Is there anyway that you can help us rescue our crewman?"

"Unfortunately our technology is little match to the Gerroan for it to help you," Gvena said. "However, the Nydians might have just what you need. When we have helped you finish repairs we will escort you to the Nydian home world. As we have said before an enemy of the Gerroan is a friend of ours and we, as well as the Nydians, are willing to help you as much as we possibly can."

"Thank you," Kathryn said with a grateful nod of her head. "We appreciate any help we can obtain."

"I will transport over to your ship as soon as possible, Gvena out."

The man's face disappeared from the viewscreen, replaced by the stars. Kathryn stood there, silent for a moment before turning towards Tuvok. "Go to the transporter room and meet our guest, Commander," she ordered him. He silently followed her orders and Kathryn felt the overwhelming emotions taking hold of her again. Lowering her head to hide her face from Chakotay she mumbled that she was going back to her ready room and to have the Commodore escorted there once he was brought on board. Turning on her heel she disappeared back into her ready room and for the second time in fifteen minutes, she broke down and sobbed again.

* * *

For two days she had no contact with Casius at all. Sarah laid on the bed in her quarters, staring at the ceiling listening to the thrumming of the engines. They were significantly louder than _Voyager's _and she had trouble sleeping at night. The little sleep that she did get was haunted by the past days events, being taken from _Voyager, _forced to come with the Gerroan to save her ship, her friends…Tom. Thinking of Tom brought tears to her eyes. She had just started to make peace with the idea of trying a relationship with him. She had been open about her failed relationship with David, he hadn't cared, he assured her that it wouldn't happen again.

She had felt compelled to believe him. Wiping at the tears in her eyes she rolled over onto her side. She hadn't even been told where Casius was taken her. New Gerroa? Another one of their colonies? Far away so _Voyager _and Captain Janeway would never be able to track her down.

The only contact she had with the crew of Casius' ship was the young soldier assigned as her security detail, Quierron. He was too nice to be a Gerroan soldier, taking the time to make sure she had everything she needed before returning to his post outside her door, Sarah assumed that he was too young to understand the corruption that was around him, but he would soon enough. Casius had a way with words, using them to manipulate his followers. Hell, he had the First Councilman wrapped around his finger, a puppet, that's what Captain Janeway had called the leader of the Gerroan. Sarah knew that Casius however was the true leader of his people. They followd Unai blindly, so they followed Casius blindly.

"Lieutenant," Quierron's voice echoed in the large chambers. "Supreme Commander Casius wishes for you to change and join himon the bridge."

Sarah sat up on her bed and watched as the soldier came into the room, carrying a garment of some kind. "Why?" she snapped. "He hasn't bothered to come see me at all for the last two days."

"We are approaching Gerroa Prime."

"Gerroa Prime?"

"Yes our homeworld."

She had been taken further into Gerroan territory then she had believed. She gulped. _Voyager _definitely wouldn't be coming for her now. If they thought it worth the risk to come for her. Shaking her head, letting the desperate thoughts settle, she swung her legs over the side of her bed, and stood up. "Fine, I'll go, I'm bored anyways," she gestured for him to give her the garment. "Why do I have to change?" She opened the deep purple dress made out of a delicate fabric, it reminded her of an ancient Grecian robe.

"He says your uniform would be a disgrace to our people."

"Of course," she muttered disappearing behind a partition so she could change. "Tell me something, Quierron, have your people always been so…militaristic?"

"No," he answered. "Years ago we used to live in harmony with the Kreyole, until they betrayed us to our enemies. It was then that my ancestors decided that we had to take care of ourselves and only ourselves."

"By purging the Kreyole from the galaxy?"

"They are a threat to our security, to our way of life."

"How can a race struggling to survive be a threat to your way of life?" Sarah asked as she finished changing. She stepped around the partition to see Quierron struggling with the question. "I've seen how they live, Quierron, and I will be the first person to tell you that there is no way they could threaten you so much that it destroys your way of life." She smoothed the dress and decided that it wasn't too bad, comfort wise, but it irked her that she had to shed her uniform. That had been the last thing she had connecting her to her ship. Which is exactly why she knew Casius wanted her to shed it. "Alright, I'm ready to go to the bridge."

Quierron nodded his head and gestured for her to follow him. The dress was vastly out of place on this ship with its ruggedly dressed soldiers and lack of women. She remembered Casius telling her once that Gerroan woman were thought little of. Her independence had been one of the things that had attracted her to him. And she knew he was attracted, she had used it to her advantage in her little game with him to save Janeway, Chakotay and Tuvok.

The bridge was large, several stations around two chairs in the middle facing a viewscreen that put _Voyager's _to shame. Quierron led her up to stand behind one of the chairs. "Sir, I have brought Lieutenant Barrett."

"Let's drop the Lieutenant, she's no longer an officer on _Voyager,_" Casius' voice said from the chair. He turned about to smile at her. "Miss Barrett will do, Quierron. Please, have a seat Sarah."

Sarah lowered her body into the chair next to him and noticed that Quierron took his leave. She put her hands in her lap and stared at the viewscreen. She felt small in that chair and alone, completely and utterly alone. _You did what you had to do to save the others. _Loneliness was now the price she was going to be forced to pay for that act of compassion, sacrifice. She prayed _Voyager _was lightyears from Gerroan space and on their way home as she faced down a life of isolation. She wondered what Captain Janeway would tell her brother if the crew made it back to Earth, the truth, that she had chosen to stay behind to save them all, or that she was dead? By the time _Voyager _reached Earth she could very well be dead anyways and so wouldn't Luke, so what did it matter? Her lip quivered, tears threatened to fall as the realization that she was _never _going home set in.

Her new home was just becoming visible on the massive viewscreen. A large sphere of greens, browns, and blues, it looked to lovely to be the home of a race that used violence to do whatever bidding they wanted. Everything that she had dreamed of having in her life had turned to nothing but distant memories, her career, getting married, having children, it was all gone. _Well, you wouldn't have been able to get married and have children on Voyager, _she told herself, but then thought of Tom. Could it have worked? She'd never know now.

"Magnificent sight," Casius puffed from her side. "I have taken this trip a thousand times and every one of them is just as pleasing to see my home in all it's glory."

"If it's so magnificent why do you leave it?" Sarah hissed.

"If your home world is so great why did you leave?" Casius retorted.

"I didn't leave to kill innocent people," Sarah argued.

"What did you leave for then?" Casius asked her.

"I left…I left to help Captain Janeway track down terrorists."

"And if those terrorists had not cooperated with the almighty Janeway what do you think would have happened, that she would have let them go quietly?" Casius sneered.

"She wouldn't have killed them unless she felt threatened," Sarah snapped.

Casius smiled slyly. "I guess we'll never know, now will we?"

Sarah set her jaw and refused to answer him. It was pointless to debate with him because he would one way or another find a way to win. _I always win Sarah._ She closed her eyes, forcing the tears back. If she cried it would show him that she was weak, she couldn't be weak. Not here, not in this place. She didn't engage him in any conversation while the ship docked in a space port above the glistening planet. The sounds of the gruff bridge crew paled in comparison to the warm yet formal tone that Captain Janeway handled her crew. Sarah resisted the urge to wrap her arms around her body and cry.

Casius didn't seem bothered by the fact that she was refusing to look at him or speak to him. He was still reveling in his capture of her, at his apparent success at winning _the game. _Sarah wished for a fleeting second that Tom would disregard protocol and come after her, but it was only for a second, because she realized that it would be a suicide mission. Janeway would never let him get that far anyways.

She chanced a peek at the viewscreen. Below the mass of scaffoldingof the space dock, withhundreds of ships in place, was indeed a beautiful planet, one where if she wasn't being forced to come to against her will she might have actually enjoyed visiting. Quickly she lowered her eyes and stared at the small hands in her lap.

"We've docked my lord."

"Good, have my personal transport ready to go in ten minutes," Casius said cheerfully, getting up from his chair. He snapped his fingers, "Quierron, take Miss Barrett to her transport. Make sure that the heathens don't bother her, I'm sure they're ready to give us a warm welcome home."

"Heathens?" Sarah asked, lifting her head.

"Not all my people are as dedicated to the purge as I am, Sarah," Casius answered curtly.

"Did you ever think that they were right?" Sarah questioned hotly, without thinking.

It was a mistake. Casius turned on her and fast. His powerful hand grabbed a hold of her slender arm and yanked her to her feet. She was pushed against a bulkhead, the metal digging into the bare skin of her shoulders and back. He reached up and grabbed her face between his massive fingers. "You're under my rule now, _Lieutenant,_" he spat her rank hatefully, "and you'll abide by it. Is that clear?" He shook her face for good measure. "Clear!"

"Clear," she whimpered.

"Good," he pulled away and she felt suddenly exposed. "Quierron, take Miss Barrett to the transport."

The young soldier took her by the arm, firmly, but not so much that he hurt her, and guided her to the lift. Once they were inside and the doors were closed he let go of her arm. He noticed she wiped at tears that had fallen and he decided to look away to give her a moment. When he was sure that she had gathered herself together, he looked at her sideways and asked if she was alright.

"I'm fine," she snapped. "Just take me to this damn transport. Where are we going anyways?"

"Commander Casius has arranged a living suite for you at his personal estate," Quierron replied.

_Wonderful, I think that's worse than prison. _"My stuff?" She asked, thinking about the uniform she had discarded in the quarters she had been assigned to on their journey to Gerroa. Not that she believed she was going to get them back, but she had to ask anyways.

"I'm not sure what became of it, Miss Barrett."

"It's not important," she said, waving him off. "It's not like I need it anymore, now is it?"

Quierron didn't answer her. The lift's doors swished open and once again he took her by the arm, leading her to a large shuttle like craft. Inside she found she had her own personal servant, a Kreyole woman by the name of Myva, and a personal pilot who would be at her disposal at all times, according to Quierron. The young soldier himself was in charge of her security detail. Being treated like she was royalty irked her to no end. Casius had forced to come here, had made her choose between the death of her friends or a life of isolation here on his planet. And now he expected her to accept his _hospitality._

As the transport took off, the only pilot she wanted was Tom.

* * *

Kathryn Janeway stared at the coffee pot on her table in the ready room. Seventy-two hours had passed since the Gerroan attack and Sarah Barrett's abduction, and even though she had the help of the Kitae and hopefully the Nydians in the future, Kathryn still felt terribly responsible and guilty for what had happened. She hadn't slept in those seventy-two hours and she was sure that her irritability was beginning to show for it.

Letting out a frustrated breath she poured herself another cup of coffee. She didn't plan on going to sleep for the next twenty four hours either. There was still a lot of work to do to _Voyager _to get her up and running to make the trek Nydia, home world of the Nydian Empire. Commodore Gvena had promised that they would have the technology that would allow _Voyager_ to travel into Gerroan space. Kathryn felt leery. Even if the Nydians did have the technology there was no guarantee that it was going to work with _Voyager's _systems and she couldn't ask the Kitae or the Nydians to willingly risk their lives and ships to retrieve just _one _of her officers.

Guilt washed over her again and she fought back her tears. It had been non stop snapping at her crew and running to her ready room to break down for the past three days. She expected there was more to come until this whole ordeal was over. The door to her ready room chimed and she pushed the tears back once more. "Come in," she called out, the tiredness evident in her faltering voice.

"Repairs are moving along Captain," Commander Chakotay reported as he stepped into the room. "We should be able to make the rest of them in route to Nydia."

"Good job, Commander," Kathryn said, dully.

"Captain? Is something wrong?"

"I'm tired; it's been a long three days."

"Maybe you should get some sleep before we leave."

Kathryn shook her head. "I won't be able too. Besides, I have a lot of work to catch up on."

Chakotay frowned. "If we're going to have a shot at hell in making it in and through Gerroan space we're going to need our Captain at peak efficiency. Kathryn, you need to rest."

"Why? So I can suffer through nightmares of what Sarah must be going through right now? No thank you Commander, I'll keep drinking coffee and go see the Doctor for a stimulant. When the time comes, when Sarah is safely back on board _Voyager, _then I'll sleep," Kathryn snapped.

He had seen her irritability raised the last twenty four hours. She was taken Sarah's kidnapping hard and he knew that she blamed herself. Little did she knew or understand that the rest of the crew felt responsible too; they had all failed on protecting her from a sociopath. Who knew what horrors she was facing, would come to face by the time they rescued her, if they rescued her at all. They could very well fly into Gerroan space and retrieve a corpse, as morbid as it sounded, or end up dead themselves. "It could take us months to find her," he softly pointed out.

Kathryn raised her eyes to look at him. "Months isn't an option, she'll be dead by then."

"Then maybe that's just the natural progression of things," he replied.

"You don't honestly believe that do you?" she hissed, her eyes blazing.

"You yourself once asked me if I believed in fate," he answered. "Maybe this is just…fate working."

"So fate threw us here, brought us all together, and is making us into a family, only to tear one of us away?"

"Perhaps."

"I don't believe that, Chakotay."

"Don't or won't believe it Kathryn?"

Her lower lip quavered, slightly, it was barely visible, but he had seen it. Kathryn quickly lowered her head to hide the emotions playing in her eyes and on her face. She couldn't leave Sarah to die at the hands of the Gerroan, not when it was her fault that Sarah had been captured in the first place. Perhaps if she had listened to her counselor's instincts then she wouldn't be having this conversation with Chakotay at that very moment. She pressed her eyes shut tightly. "I won't believe it," she whispered.

Chakotay wanted to pursue the matter more but had the right of mind to know that Kathryn wouldn't in her agitated state. "There's something else that I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh," she grumbled.

"Tom Paris."

Kathryn raised her head. "Tom Paris," she repeated a softer tone to her voice. If there was one other person that everyone was walking on eggshells around besides her, it was Tom Paris. "What did he do?"

"Nothing…yet."

"You're worried he's going to take off into Gerroan space to go after her."

"He's been working nonstop on repairs, no one ever sees him outside of duty…Kathryn he's already voiced his opinion that we can't leave her behind," he paused for a moment, his eyes studying her intently, "What would you do if it was someone that you loved?"

The door chimed and she automatically called out admittance. She watched as the doors swished open but no one stepped in immediately, and then Michael's head popped around the corner, as if he was making sure that it was alright to enter. The full impact of Chakotay's question hit her suddenly. What if it _had _been someone that she loved? What if Casius had taken her children from her? She sucked in a sharp breath to stop herself from breaking down at that very moment and forced a smile. "Hi honey, you can come in."

Kathryn wasn't surprised when he entered with Ava toddling behind him. Gently she patted the sofa next to her and told him to come sit. The deeply troubled expression on his face worried her. It made her wonder how much he knew about what was going on. Surely he knew that Sarah was…absent, Kathryn had been giving him lessons to do in their quarters or the schoolroom with other members of the crew supervising. Which reminded her, it was the Doctor's turn, he had been eager to teach Michael about the physiology of the cell; how had the children snuck out of sickbay without the hologram knowing?

"_Kes to Captain Janeway."_

She tapped her combadge giving her son a stern look. "Go ahead Kes."

"_I can't find the Doctor. When I left ten minutes ago he was activated and instructing Michael. The computer can't locate his program and the children are missing as well._"

Kathryn quirked an eyebrow at Michael. "I have the children. I'll send Harry down to find the Doctor. I'm sure he's there, we just aren't looking hard enough. Janeway out." She waited a moment before opening her mouth to speak again. "Care to explain how the Doctor's program can't be found?"

Michael looked sheepishly at his mother. "I hide his program in the transporter buffer; I saw B'Elanna do it once."

The Captain wouldn't put it past the Chief Engineer to hide the hologram's program for a few hours to escape his nagging; Kathryn herself had thought about doing it as well. She tapped her combadge again. "Ensign Kim, will you report to sickbay. The Doctor's program is offline and Kes can't retrieve it. I believe you'll find the program in the transporter buffers."

"_Uh…yes ma'am, I'll get right on it, Kim out."_

"Michael, this is wasting my resources, your little game," Kathryn chided.

"It wasn't a game. He wouldn't answer my questions about Sarah. I went to her quarters yesterday to see if she was better, she wasn't there," Michael snapped back. "She isn't on the ship, is she Mama?"

"No," Kathryn said, carefully, "she isn't."

"Well why did you lie and say she was sick?" Michael accused.

Kathryn looked at Chakotay for a moment, helplessly, then turned her eyes back to her five year old son. "Because I don't know where she is."

"Did she leave?"

"Not exactly."

"Mama, you're not making any sense."

Kathryn let out a frustrated sigh. He was right, she wasn't making any sense, but she didn't know how to put Sarah's kidnapping into terms that he would understand and not be afraid about. Finally she decided to just tell him the truth. She was always honest, as much as she could be anyways, to her children. "She was taken from us," she whispered.

"You mean kidnapped?"

"Yes."

"By who?"

"A very bad man."

Michael's brow furrowed for a moment before he turned slightly on the sofa to look at Chakotay. "Does the mean man want to take Mama too?"

"I'm not sure," Chakotay answered honestly. Who knew how far Casius was really going to go. Although, he was pretty sure that the leader was done with _Voyager _now that he had obtained what he wanted from them. "I don't think so."

The child's face flashed with fear. "What if he does? You won't let him take her will you?"

"Michael," Kathryn said gently, reaching out and pulling him against her. "I'm not going anywhere."

"But you almost did, when you came back from that two week mission," he cried. "The Doctor said you were very sick and could die!"

She cursed the hologram for his bluntness. "I'm all better now."

"You could get sick again!"

"_Captain Janeway report to the bridge._"

Kathryn silently cursed Tuvok for his timing. "Janeway to bridge, can it wait Mister Tuvok?"

"_I'm afraid not Captain, we're receiving a message from a woman who claims she has information on Lieutenant Barrett."_

She felt her heart hammering her chest as she slid Michael off of her. It was awful of her to brush off his fears of her dying but she hadn't heard anything about Sarah or where she was being held for three days. Any little bit of information that they were given would be a god sent. Michael seemed to realize this as well, even though it was probably subconsciously. He slid off the sofa to join Ava on the floor to play, keeping one eye on his little sister and the other firmly planted on the Captain and First Officer as they practically flew out of the ready room.

Tuvok glanced up from his station as the command team came onto the bridge. "Captain, we picked up this subspace message approximately three minutes ago. It was heavily encrypted; Ensign Kim had to decode it."

"Let's hear it," Kathryn ordered.

"_Starship Voyager, my name is Myna; I'm a Kreyole servant for Supreme Commander Casius. Two days ago the Supreme Commander returned to Gerroa Prime with your lieutenant, she is alive and being held in his personal estate. This is all I have time to tell you. I'll be in touch."_

"That was the entirety of the message Captain."

"Do you think she's speaking the truth?" Chakotay asked.

"Oh, I want to believe she is," Kathryn lamented.

"But…"

"But, the Kreyole have pulled the wool over our eyes before," she pointed out.

"The origin of the message can be traced to a relay station just outside of Gerroa Prime," Tuvok stated.

Kathryn bit her lower lip for a moment. "Where is Commodore Gvena?"

"Working with B'Elanna on shoring up the engines," Chakotay replied.

"Ask him to join the senior staff in the briefing room in fifteen minutes," Kathryn ordered before slipping back into the ready room.

As the doors hissed shut behind her she closed her eyes and tired drawing a calming breath as her fatigue hit her full force. Tears began to leak out of her eyes and no matter how hard she told herself that she couldn't cry, that she had a meeting in fifteen minutes, the tears just came harder. Finally a sob escaped her lips as she lowered her body to the floor and sat with her back pressed against the door. And then another as her body ached with exhaustion. Soon her shoulders were shaking uncontrollably.

Little fingers brushed at the tears on her cheeks and she raised blurry eyes to see Ava squatting next to her. "Mama cry?"

"Yes," Kathryn breathed, watching as her daughter tried in vain to wipe all the tears from her mother's cheeks. It was more than she could handle. She felt the tears assault her eyes and attack her cheeks as she gathered Ava up into her arms, rocking back and forth in front of the door while clinging desperately to the child for comfort. She hoped that burying her face against Ava's downy head would muffle her cries, but she knew that if anyone heard her they wouldn't come running. Captain's weren't supposed to get emotionally attached and involved with her crew and the crew in return knew that the distance needed to be kept.

She had never felt so alone in that moment, clinging to Ava seeking comfort in a child that had no idea why she was crying. To give Ava credit she was patting her mother's back like Kathryn would pat hers when she was upset. The simplicity of the act only made Kathryn cry harder.

Her body ached from exhaustion and sitting hunched over on the floor was not helping her back. Struggling to stand up while still keeping a hold on Ava because it seemed to be the only thing grounding her, Kathryn made her way to the sofa and plopped down with a sob. She curled up into a fetal position, her body wrapped around Ava's, one shoulder digging into the back of the couch. The posture was comforting and she finally found her cries softening, dying down. Mother and daughter sat there, in silence for what felt like an eternity.

This is how Chakotay found them, snuggled up on the sofa. Kathryn didn't allow him admittance and he panicked slightly using his override codes, only to stumble into the ready room to see her curled up into a ball on her couch. He didn't even realize Ava was with her until a little auburn head peeked out of her mother's arms, like a prairie dog peekin out of his burrow, and looked at him. When Michael had come to get him in the briefing room, stating that his mother was crying and needed "a hug", Chakotay wasn't sure what he was going to find. All he knew was that he had dropped whatever report he had been going over with Harry Kim and practically lept into the ready room.

By the time he arrived she wasn't crying anymore but he could tell she had been. He watched for a moment as Ava laid her head back down onto her mother's chest and her little hand pat Kathryn's shoulder. He smiled slightly; it was as if the children had collaborated; Michael running to get him while Ava held down the fort.

Chakotay decided that it was time he took over, Ava may have been good at patting her mother's back, but she couldn't offer the level of comfort that Kathryn really needed.

As he stepped forward he saw Kathryn's head drop forward slightly and he realized she had fallen asleep. This changed his course of action. He gently lifted Ava out of her mother's grasp, placed her on the floor and then moved Kathryn into a more comfortable sleeping position. The Captain didn't even stir once. Ava on the other hand looked a little perturbed that she had been stolen from her spot on her mother's lap, a place that lately she didn't get to occupy, and was giving the First Officer her version of the Janeway death glare.

_Not even two yet and she has that look down pat, _Chakotay thought, amused as he picked the child up and headed back out onto the bridge. Michael was hovering around the tactical station. He followed the Commander up towards the turbo lift buzzing with questions about his mother. Chakotay sighed. "She's fine."

"Well, where is she?"

"In the ready room," Chakotay replied as the doors to the lift swished open.

"Where are we going?"

"Back to your quarters, I'm sure Tal is all over the ship looking for you two."

"Can't we stay up here?"

"I don't think so, Michael, we have a lot of work to do."

Michael grumbled under his breath. Chakotay chuckled, something else the children had picked up from their mother. They had just entered the lift when the First Officer's combadge twirped and Tuvok's voice came over the line.

"_Commander Chakotay, are you and the Captain ready to proceed? She is not answering my calls."_

Chakotay closed his eyes for a moment. "Can we spare a few moments?"

"_Commodore Gvena says we should start immediately, we will be leaving for Nydian space within the hour."_

"I'll be right there, the Captain will not be joining us, for personal reasons," Chakotay answered, closing the link. He looked down at Michael for a moment. "I guess you're getting your wish; you can stay on the bridge until after my meeting."

"Can we go to the meeting? I always wanted to see how one worked."

_Whatever for? _"I'm not sure your mother would approve."

"She never approves of anything," Michael replied. "Tal follows us around like she's afraid we're going to break something."

"Sit here," Chakotay instructed as they stepped up to the empty science station. "And call up one of the lessons your mother set up for you. Since you skipped class on the Doctor I'm sure you have lots to catch up on."

Michael frowned down at Ava who Chakotay had plopped down into the chair next to him. "What do I do with her?" he asked, jerking his thumb at his sister.

"Entertain her," Chakotay said, moving quickly into the briefing room. "Sorry that I'm late," he said, taking the seat at the head of the table. "What's our status?"

"Repairs are almost complete," B'Elanna reported. "We still don't have warp drive though. That could take a few more days."

"Make that your top priority B'Elanna," Chakotay said.

"Aye sir."

"What about this message? Do we know if it is authentic?"

"The Gerroan do enslave Kreyole, it's highly possible that Supreme Commander Casius has some working for him," Gvena replied. "However, I'd proceed with caution Commander Chakotay. The Kreyole have been known to have been brainwashed; the Gerroan have a highly advanced medical technology that can tap into their telepathic abilities and give them horrible visions or make them do their biddings. Casius could have put the girl up to it to send _Voyager _into a trap." He cleared his throat for a moment, eyeing Tom Paris. "It would probably be wise, Commander, if you ignored these messages all together."

Paris' face grew dark, darker than ever in the last three days, but he didn't say anything.

Chakotay saw the look and took a deep breath. "Lieutenant Barrett is a valued member of our crew; if the information is true, I don't want to ignore or withhold it if it will help us find her."

"Do you honestly believe you're going to find her?" the young aide at Gvena's side asked, cautiously. "We've rescued people who have escaped the Gerroan prisons; they're psychologically destroyed. If you do find her, Commander, chances are she won't be the person that was taken from you."

"My aide, however tasteless he put it, is right, Commander. The medical procedure they use on these people is considered torture by most. If she dares to step out of line then she risks being subjected to such a punishment if Casius hasn't done it to her yet."

"All the more reason we have to go after her!" Tom shouted, finally loosing his cool.

Chakotay held is hand up to silence the young pilot. "How much do you know about this…punishment?"

"We've studied every case we've come across in detail."

"Can you work with our Doctor to form a…defense?"

"I suppose I could, but I don't see how this will help find your officer."

"It will help if we're caught," Chakotay pointed out. "Harry have you got the Doctor's program up and running?"

Harry suppressed a smirk. "Yes, it didn't take long to get him out of the transporter buffer."

"Transporter buffer?" B'Elanna repeated. "Who put him there?"

"Michael Janeway."

B'Elanna looked completely embarrassed and it was no mistaken where the boy had learned it from. "I guess I need to be more careful."

"If there's nothing else…" Chakotay paused and waited before continuing just incase someone had something to say. "Let's get back to work." His dark eyes watched as the senior officers got up and left, not surprised when Tuvok lingered behind. "Something else on your mind Tuvok?" Chakotay questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"When you said that the Captain had personal matters to attend too, what exactly did you mean by that?"

"Just that, personal, I think you realize Commander Tuvok, that Captain Janeway is an extremely private woman, shouldn't we just leave it at that?"

"Aye sir."

"Good, dismissed."

* * *


	78. Chapter 78

* * *

A prisoner in a palace that is what she was. Sarah Barrett had been given an expansive suite overlooking the pristine capital city of Gerroa Prime, however she wasn't allowed to leave that suite without the _supervision _of Dellon Casius. She had the finest clothes and foods, which could brought to her by a simple snap of her fingers, but she didn't have free roam of the city. Casius wasn't stupid, he knew that if she got the opportunity to flee Gerroa Prime, she would. He wasn't about to let his _prize possession _out of his grasp. She spent most of her time idling the day away watching the comings and goings of the city. Myna, her _personal _servant and Quierron would check in on her often enough but their company was nothing compared to the friendships she had made on _Voyager. _

It was a sacrifice she had been willing to take. Kathryn Janeway had now been given a chance to get her crew home, Harry Kim a chance to make a life with B'Elanna Torres, even if they were the only two on the ship that didn't realized the chemistry between them; and Tom, well, she didn't want to think about how Tom was faring.

Closing her eyes she turned from the mirror she was looking into and moved out onto the veranda overlooking the skyscrapers of Lleh City. The city was situated in a desert area, warm winds and dry smells wafted through the air as she leaned against the marble railing. Free from the constraints of a Starfleet uniform she could feel the breeze blow through the delicate fabric of her dress. The uniform was long gone now, she hadn't seen if for at least six days; eight days since she had been forced to leave _Voyager. _That seemed like another lifetime now even though it had only been one week.

She was never left alone for long periods but the company she was graced with made her feel even more alone than she already knew she was. Myna was terrified of her, stammering and nervously eyeing Quierron while Sarah insisted that the girl stop referring to her as _my lady. _It had been six days and still the lieutenant had made no ground when it came to Myna. Quierron wasn't half bad, if he would take the time and realize that he was being manipulated by everyone around him. He was genuinely concerned about her it appeared. Sarah had yet to see the so called _heathens _but she was interested, very interested since it seemed they were mounting some form of rebellion against Casius and the Council's rule. Not that the Gerroan High Council had a lot of rule. Sarah knew for a fact that First Councilmen Unai was just as much a puppet of Casius as young Quierron was.

"It's time for another lesson," Casius' voice suddenly echoed gruffly as he entered the suite.

Sarah turned slightly to watch as he stalked onto the veranda with her. "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

Casius grabbed her arm in vice like grip. "We traced your transmission to _Voyager._ Planning a little escape are we?"

"What transmission, I haven't been allowed to leave this room without you, how could I possible access communications?"

"Don't play coy with me," Casius hissed dragging her behind him.

"I'm telling the truth, I haven't contacted _Voyager!_"

His slap sent her reeling backwards, spiraling into a pillar. She saw Quierron start with concern but Casius held his hand up to stop the young security detail to advance. "I told you six days ago that you are under my rule now, and thus will follow my orders. I figured you would realize that contacting _Voyager _fit under those rules."

Sarah rubbed at her sore cheek. "Use your stupid telepathic monitors and you'll know that I'm speaking the truth." This time she was able to keep her balance when he slapped her. She moved out of his slapping range and glared hotly at him.

"Bring her in," Casius snapped into his comlink.

The doors to the suite opened with a soft swish and Sarah watched as two guards dragged Myna in. She was confused what this little display was meant to prove and she opened her mouth to speak but thinking back to the last two slaps speaking out had garnered her, she thought better of it. Myna was dragged before her and collapsed onto the floor. The guards backed off as Casius stepped forward. "Tell her, Myna, what you did the other day, for her," he said, yanking the girl's head back by her ponytail. "Tell how you contacted _Voyager _by her orders."

"What?!" Sarah shouted, flinching slightly when Casius raised his hand again.

"Six days ago, when you first arrived here, Myna sent a message to _Voyager, _to let them know where you were and that you were alive," Casius replied. "Since she has shown she has no mind of her own I have come to the conclusion that she acted on your orders."

"I just met her six days ago!"

"SILENCE!"

Sarah gulped and stepped back even further, quivering slightly in fear. She knew that he was capable of anything, even tearing her apart with his bear hands. Mutely she nodded her head, her back pressing against one of the pillars that separated the entrance of the suite to the rest of it. The marble felt cold on her exposed back and arms.

"I was really hoping that it wouldn't come to this Sarah, to have to _show _you what happens when you defy me," Casius snarled, snapping his fingers. Sarah watched as the two guards stepped forward again, up to Myna with medical devices. The Kreyole girl flinched as they held her down and inserted something into her cranium. Sarah's spine went rigid. Whatever they had just inserted into her brain she knew that it was not going to do pleasant things to the poor maid. When they were done the stepped back leaving the girl trembling on the floor. "This is what happens, Sarah, when you over step your boundaries." He pressed a button a device in his hand and Myna screamed in agony on the floor, muttering words in her native tongue that Sarah couldn't understand.

Casius seemed to be enjoying the whole scene. He would release the button for a moment, let Myna lay on the floor whimpering, before pressing it again to start the whole cycle over.

"Stop!" Sarah cried, lunging forward trying to grab at the device.

He grabbed a hold of her and pulled her body against his, her back pressing into his chest. "Look at her Sarah," he instructed, holding onto her so tightly that she was forced to look at a suffering Myna. "Do you wish to see her suffer this way? You brought it on, by asking her to contact _Voyager _for you. Perhaps it should be you on that floor instead?" He jerked her head back and she let out a little cry. "Tell the truth Sarah, so she doesn't have to suffer any more. Go on, you'll feel better and so won't she."

Tears clouded her vision of Myna lying helplessly on the floor moaning as telepathic induced pain and images assaulted her. Sarah felt her whole body shake with fear and anger. "I had her contact Captain Janeway!" she finally lied. "She said she knew how to use the communications equipment and I ordered her to send a message to _Voyager. _Please, stop hurting her!"

Casius released Sarah and she stumbled from the sudden freedom. He took his finger off of the device and snapped his fingers once more. The guards lifted Myna off of the ground and he instructed them to take her to the medical center. He calmly put the device in his pocket and fixed his black gloves. "Am I to assume that we have reached an understanding, Sarah? _Voyager _is not coming for you, it would be pointless since they would never get past my defenses. It's time that you realize those pathetic followers of Janeway have left you behind for good. You should embrace the life that has been given to you."

Sarah blinked rapidly, trying to fight her tears. _Cocky son of a bitch, _she thought hatefully. "You forced this life on me."

He chuckled. "I didn't force you to do anything, Sarah."

"No? Making me choose to come with your or watch my friends die wasn't forcing my hand?"

"It's all a matter of perception," Casius replied, turning towards Quierron. "I think the lady needs a walk, how about the Imperial Gardens? I would take you myself of course, but I have a tactical meeting to attend."

"I prefer to go with Quierron," Sarah snapped, glaring.

Casius stopped mid-stride and turned about to look at her. For a moment Sarah believed she had crossed another one of his invisible lines and that she was due for another thrashing. Instead he grinned broadly before exiting the suite. She didn't realize it but she had been holding her breath and it came out in one big sigh after the leader was gone.

"I don't need that walk Quierron," she said, softly turning about and going back to the veranda.

"But, Lord Casius ordered that I take you..." the soldier sputtered behind him.

"Tell me something Quierron, do you have a mind of your own? Or do you like being pulled around on that leash?" Sarah snapped, leaning her arms against the railing. The sun was beginning to set and the heat of the day was slowly beginning to cool. She felt the young man join her on the veranda and she turned slightly to see him bristling in the fading light. "There's more to life than orders, Quierron."

"I have devoted my life to the Gerroan Empire. My life is orders."

Sarah turned about fully and rested her elbows on the railing. "You never think of the other possibilities? Of having a family? Perhaps exploring the galaxy a little?"

"The only planet of importance is Gerroa Prime and her colonies."

"Sounds like the Supreme Commander talking if you ask me."

Quierron straightened his shoulders. "You don't trust the Supreme Commander, do you Lieutenant?"

She was surprised that he had used her rank. "No, not after what I saw, what he strung me along for."

"The Kreyole outpost on Delvor?"

"Yes," Sarah replied, recalling the slaughter that had taken place there. "He used me to kill those people. And I'll never forget that."

"Delvor is far out of our system, I fail to see why the Supreme Commander would want to destroy it," Quierron mused.

"I thought the Kreyole threatened your way of life?" Sarah challenged.

"Not on Delvor, there are no Gerroan living on Delvor."

Sarah quirked an eyebrow. "So why kill all of the Kreyole living there?"

"I...do not know."

_Finally, I think I'm making some progress._ She smiled, softly. "With a little time I might just be able to get you to think outside of the box Quierron." She saw him quirk a little smile before he bowed and left her presence. With a sigh she turned back around to watch the stars come out, longingly looking up at them and wondering where _Voyager _was at that very moment.

* * *

_Voyager _was presently docked at the Primary Space Port of Nydia. It had taken them four days to travel to Nydia after receiving the message from the Kreyole servant, and Kathryn Janeway after her impromptu nap in her ready room wasn't feeling any more refreshed. In fact, she thought as she made her way to Engineering, she felt worse. Most of the repairs were made to _Voyager _but B'Elanna Torres was still having trouble bringing the warp engines online and they still had no way of passing through Gerroan space undetected to attempt a rescue mission. Kathryn was beginning to wonder if Chakotay was right, that all they were going to find by the time the got to Gerroa Prime was a corpse. Her frayed nerves wavered with emotions at this thought but she buried them as she stepped into Main Engineering. "Report," her voice was more husky than normal.

B'Elanna looked up from her console at her commanding officer. "We still can't maintain a stable warp field. Those weapons did more damage than I thought, Captain, I'm sorry...I guess my mind has been elsewhere."

"You and me both Lieutenant," Kathryn responded with a sigh. "Can it be fixed?"

"Now that we've stopped and with the help from the Nydians who have more knowledge on Gerroan weapons, yes, it can be fixed," B'Elanna said with a nod of her head.

"I'll send Harry down to help," Kathryn replied. "In the meantime I have a meeting with the Nydian Prime Minister and Commodore Gvena, I've been informed that they have an option to allow us to travel through Gerroan space, the senior officers will gather within the hour to discuss it."

B'Elanna had never seen Kathryn Janeway this frayed before. The dark circles under her yes were evidence of that. "I think I can have the warp drive online by then ma'am," _if it will help you feel better, _she added in her head. She saw the approving look in Janeway's tired eyes and felt a little bit of relief that she could ease the burden somehow. Chakotay talked about her burdens all the time, how it was his, and the senior staff's responsibility to make it lighter. She had never felt she could contribute much until this moment.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Kathryn said, gratefully. "I'll see you in an hour." She turned and left entering the empty corridor and proceeding towards the turbolift. As she walked along she got the distinct impression that she was being followed. Stopping suddenly she heard the footsteps behind her stop. Closing her eyes she turned about and snapped, "Michael, aren't you supposed to be at school?"

Michael Janeway paled. "The Doctor ended my lesson early."

"I'm not going to call Kes and find out that you hid his program in the transporter buffer again am I?"

"No."

"Good."

"He's in the replicator system this time."

"Michael!"

"He wouldn't let me come see you, and I haven't seen you for two days Mama," Michael answered, near tears. "I just wanted to make sure that you were alright." He wiped his nose on his sleeve. "I know you're busy Mama, but so is everyone else. Sarah's in a lot of trouble isn't she?"

Kathryn moved towards him and put her arm around him, moving him towards the turbolift with her. While they waited for the doors to open, she whispered, "Yes I'm afraid she is." The doors hissed open and mother and son stepped in, the Captain ordering the lift to take them to the bridge.

"Is she going to die?"

Children had a funny way of making a person face the truth, Kathryn realized as her heart shattered, looking down at his little face. She had never considered what the deaths of other officers on her crew would do to her children, especially ones that were heavily involved in their lives, like Sarah, like Chakotay. She fought the hot tears that threatened again. "I'm not sure, honey, I'd like to think we'll find her before...it's too late. But this is a vast region of space, she could be anywhere, we may never find her alive or otherwise, you do realize that don't you sweetheart."

Michael frowned a little. "She won't answer calls, just like Daddy."

The comparison to Bryan's death hurt Kathryn, more deeply than anything had in the past week. "She might not answer calls, you're right."

"Do you think Daddy helped her?"

"What do you mean?"

"If she died, do you think Daddy was there to meet her? To let her know it was alright?"

"I'd like to think that someone was there for her."

"Will Daddy be there for you, when you die?"

"Michael, I don't plan on dying...not for a while," Kathryn said. She couldn't face his fears not right now.

"Daddy didn't plan on dying either."

The doors to the lift swished open and they found themselves facing Commander Chakotay entering the lift with them. He tried offering them a warm smile, but like so many of the crew, it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I was just coming to give you these reports, Captain," he said handing her a stack of PADDs. "Oh, I'll take that one." He grabbed the one on top and winked at Michael. "It seems that someone hid the Doctor in the replicators, but judging from your company I'd say you already knew that."

Kathryn frowned even more than she already was. "Yes, I heard."

Chakotay ordered the lift to resume. "The good news is that the program was easy to retrieve. Although I think the Doctor is getting a little miffed that a five year old can so easily deactivate his program and transfer it all over the ship's systems. Harry said it wouldn't be a problem to program the Doctor to have the ability to activate and deactivate his program on his own or override someone trying to do so without his authorization."

"A hologram that can control his activation sequence?"

"Sounds unorthodox, but then again, I heard you liked it that way."

For the first time in days he got her to smile, a genuine smile. "Once this crisis is over, have Harry and B'Elanna look into it."

"Yes ma'am."

When the doors opened once again Kathryn and Chakotay stepped out onto the bridge, Kathryn taking the lead and extending her hand to the Prime Minister of Nydia who was waiting for the command team at near the mission operations consoles with their resident Talaxian. Neelix was playing the role that normally would be occupied by Sarah and Kathryn felt a lump form in her throat. "Prime Minster Yutell, welcome aboard _Voyager. _I'm Kathryn Janeway, this is my first officer Commander Chakotay."

Yutell smiled warmly and shook her hand. "Captain Janeway, it is a pleasure to meet you, finally. Captain Henu spoke highly of your crew after he rescued them from the Gerroan on that terrible planet. I wish that we were meeting under better circumstances. But it is most imperative that we start immediately. Sarah Barrett is in more danger than you can imagine and if you have any hopes of retrieving her before she is too psychologically damaged then you are going to have to go to Gerroa Prime right away."

Kathryn looked at Chakotay briefly. "Commodore Gvena said you had the technology to help us."

"We do Captain, and we'd be willing to share it with you freely."

"I appreciate the gesture, but surely we can help you in some way in exchange for your kindness."

Yutell's dark eyes traveled to the child standing behind the Captain. "Perhaps we should talk about this in private, Captain?"

Kathryn gazed behind her to see that he was looking at her son. "Of course, Neelix show our guest to the briefing room please." She waited until Neelix had escorted Yutell and Gvena off of the bridge and into the briefing room to turn to Michael. "Why don't you go sit in the ready room while I'm in my meeting? We can talk afterwards alright? I'm sure Tal will want a break from your sister anyways. What do you say the three of us do a late lunch?"

"I want to come with you," the child responded, firmly.

Chakotay shifted about on his feet, anxiously. "Michael, this meeting isn't for children."

"I don't care! I have to make sure that Mama is okay!"

Before Kathryn could answer, Chakotay responded, gently, "Don't worry Michael, I'll be there."

The boy looked at him, eagerly. "You promise?"

"Cross my heart," the First Officer answered.

"Okay, but don't hope to die, that's just bad," Michael said, skipping down the steps before disappearing into the ready room.

Kathryn straightened her shoulders as the command team made their way to the briefing room. "Thank you," she said, so only he could hear.

"Your welcome," Chakotay replied as they entered the room, "but I meant what I said; I'm going to make sure you're alright and stay alright."

* * *

_You have to deal with this, Kathryn, _she thought as she stepped into the briefing room. Chakotay reassuring her that he was there to make sure that she was alright didn't make her feel any better about the terrified five year old that had been following her around all day like a puppy. With a little shake of her head to clear her thoughts she took her seat at the head of the table. Tuvok had joined them, as well as Tom Paris, looking as miserable as Kathryn could recall him ever looking. She overheard Harry and B'Elanna speaking about the young pilot sometime during their journey to Nydia, how Harry was worried that Tom would do something rash, B'Elanna insisting that Tom could take care of himself. When he had requested to be at this meeting Kathryn wanted to say no, but seeing the look in his eyes, she agreed. Besides if they were going to be flying into Gerroan territory she needed her best pilot.

"Gentlemen, thank you for joining us," Kathryn opened the meeting by addressing Tom and Tuvok. She folded her hands in front of her and nodded towards Prime Minister Yutell. "The Prime Minister has some important information that Commander Chakotay and I are hoping will help us travel into Gerroan space."

"As Commodore Gvena has probably pointed out to you that the Gerroan are ruthless when it comes to the punishment of criminals and people that step out of line, according to them. Casius had a plan for Sarah from the start, otherwise he wouldn't have come after _Voyager," _Yutell started, "I'm afraid that whatever plan he has for her, if it doesn't go accordingly, she'll end up in one of their prisons or worse."

Tom's face fell. "Worse? What could be worse than one of their jails?"

"Mind control."

"Commodore Gvena mentioned they have a technology that could be linked to her telepathic abilities," Chakotay recalled.

"Yes, it's much more complicated than that however, it is more than simple mind control. The device can be adapted to the individual, meaning she could relive her worst memory over and over again, or face her worse fear," Yutell replied. "People who are recovered from Gerroan prisoners are just that, recovered. There is nothing, psychologically, left of them to rescue."

Kathryn's fist clenched against the table, a gesture not lost on her officers in the room. "Is there a defense against this device?"

"I'm afraid at this moment no," Yutell answered. "The device delivers a high dose of a psychoactive drug every hour or so."

"If the Doctor could create a counter-agent, it may slow the effects," Tuvok interjected.

"By that time, Commander Tuvok, I'm afraid that Sarah's mind maybe too warped," Yutell said.

"Then what do we have to do to rescue her before that happens?" Kathryn asked, setting her jaw.

"I have complied a list of technology that I believe will help _Voyager _complete her mission," Yutell said, handing Kathryn a PADD.

Chakotay and the others watched as she looked over it, her eyes scrolling each item delicately, until they stopped and looked up at the Prime Minister, shocked. "A cloaking device," she said, eyebrow arched curiously.

"Yes, our own ships use them," Yutell replied. "It could easily be adapted to accommodate _Voyager._"

"Captain, cloaking technology is strictly forbidden in the Federation," Tuvok reminded her.

"Yes, I know Mister Tuvok."

"Well I suppose we could always try modifying your shields," Yutell offered. "But it wouldn't be as efficient I'm afraid."

"Wait a minute, Prime Minister, I didn't say I wasn't considering the cloaking device."

"Captain?" Tuvok questioned, slightly surprised. He had known her for quite some time, served with her during that time; they were colleagues as well as friends. She believed in the founding principles of the Federation, of the Prime Directive. Sure he had seen her bend it to fit their needs since being strandarded out in the Delta Quadrant, and he was sure she would bend it some more, however, to outwardly defy it was something that he did not think she was capable of. "We would be using illegal technology in the Federation to rescue one officer. It seems highly illogically, Captain."

Kathryn frowned slightly. "Is this one of your 'the needs of the many out weigh the needs of the few' lectures?"

"It is hardly a lecture Captain. However, you would be risking your career and _Voyager _to save the life of one officer."

"I think it's worth the risk," Kathryn answered sternly. She knew that he had to voice his objections but he would follow her orders, even if he didn't think they were logical. It would just be another reprimand he could write up to the Admiralty when they returned home. Right now home seemed so far away and the principles that she was clinging to felt distance as well. Wouldn't the Admirals see it her way? That she had no choice but to use illegal technology to return a valuable member of her crew to the ship? She shook her head for a moment. She would be lucky if they could get past the fact that she used an illegal piece of technology. "How long will it take to adapt the cloak to our ship?"

"A few days, maybe less," Yutell replied. "We would have to train your crew in its use."

"Chakotay see too it," she ordered her first officer.

"Captain, there's something else that we would like to discuss," Yutell said, glancing at Gvena.

"Go on," Kathryn urged.

"After you contacted us to let us know you were on your way, the Bellus government contacted me as well. They were checking to make sure that Doctor Jetrel had made it to Nydia safely. I had to inform them that I had not heard from him. I had our Intelligence Corps do some investigating, I'm afraid they found some disturbing news," Yutell said. "Doctor Jetrel had learned who fired on Vicius. It was the Gerroan and it appears that all they were trying to do was flush out Lieutenant Barrett and _Voyager._"

Kathryn visibly bristled, as did Chakotay and Tom. "You mean to tell me he killed innocent people just to set this whole thing in motion?"

"It appears that way."

"Bastard," Tom cursed under his breath.

Kathryn glared at him but felt similar sentiments. "And Doctor Jetrel? How does he fit into all this?"

"He was coming to Nydia to hide, Supreme Commander Casius was aware that Jetrel knew of his plot," Yutell said. "I can only surmise that Doctor Jetrel was captured and forced, by the Gerroan's mind control to send a distress signal to _Voyager."_

"That way so he knew exactly where to find us," Chakotay finished. "Damn it, we walked right into his trap."

"She knew," Kathryn whispered.

"I beg your pardon, Captain?" Tuvok questioned.

Kathryn suddenly looked up at the table of men seated around her. She could almost picture the looks of accusation in their eyes, minus Tuvok of course, if she revealed that she had failed to listen to Sarah's instincts. The counselor had believed that it was a set up and Kathryn had ignored her. _And now she could be dead because of it. _Kathryn couldn't blame the crew if they held her responsible for Sarah's death, if that is what was going to come out of all of this. She felt the same rush of guilty emotions that had assaulted her for days, saw Michael's face as he asked her, _is she going to die? _Closing her eyes she fought the tears back before she issued orders. "Chakotay meet with the rest of the senior staff, have Harry assist B'Elanna on all the modifications that need to be made. I want this cloaking device installed on all shuttles as well, just in case."

"Yes ma'am," she heard Chakotay respond. "You aren't going to meet with them yourself?"

"No," she said opening her eyes. "I have other matters to attend too."

The First Officer nodded his head wondering if he was going to walk in on a sight like he had four days before, his captain mentally and physically broken curled up on her sofa in the ready room. At least every member of the senior staff, with the exceptions of Tom and the Doctor had reported to him since Sarah's abduction that they were concerned about the Captain's mental well being. He was sure that if the Doctor saw her everyday he would express the same concerns. And if there was anyone else in worse shape mentally than Kathryn, it was Tom. _We're all going to have a lot of healing to do, _he thought ruefully. "I'll have them get to work on it right away; Tom, Tuvok, and I can take duty stations."

"Prime Minister Yutell, any tactical information you can give us on Gerroa Prime would be appreciated."

"I'll have my intelligence officers send over their database right away, Captain."

"_Captain Janeway, report to the bridge._"

Kathryn silently groaned as she pushed her chair out from underneath the table and stood up. The others followed her out of the room and onto the bridge where Harry Kim reported that they were receiving an influx of messages regarding Sarah. The Captain stiffened a little. "Are any from the same girl as before?"

"I can't tell as of yet, but I thought you'd might find this of interest," Harry replied, calling up a diagram onto the main viewscreen.

"What is it?" Kathryn asked, confused.

"A schematic layout of Dellon Casius' private estate," Yutell replied. "It's better than any of the ones that I could give you."

"Harry, magnify that highlighted area," Chakotay ordered with a nod of his head. Harry did so. A large map of a living suite of some kind appeared. "Anyone want to place bets that's where Sarah's being held right now."

"How do we know it's authentic?" Kathryn asked, looking over her shoulder at Harry.

"It came from Ravior, himself."

Kathryn remembered the leader of the Kreyole freedom fighters well. He had helped her, Chakotay, and Tuvok hide from the Gerroan while they awaited for _Voyager _to rescue them. "Is there anyway we can send a message back, let him know that we got it?"

Harry shook his head. "I'm afraid not, it was piggybacked onto another message to another ship approximately five light years from here. There's no way I can trace its origin." He looked sadly at the back of Tom's head for a moment when the pilot's shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry ma'am."

"Don't be sorry Harry," Kathryn replied. "We've been given the first sign of hope, now let's use it."

* * *

_Captain's Log, supplemental;The Kitae and the Nydians have been helping us around the clock to modify Voyager's weapons, shields, engines, and most importantly integrating the cloaking device that will allow us to travel through Gerroan space undetected. I am assured that our transporters, already enhanced to transport through Gerroan shielding should work with the cloak instated. Commander Chakotay and Commander Tuvok have taken the layout of Casius' estate and outlined a rough rescue mission, in the hopes that the entire senior staff can revise it. We're not giving up hope of finding Lieutenant Barrett alive and bringing her back to Voyager safely._

* * *

"My lady, it is getting late, the Supreme Commander wishes that you join him for dinner."

Sarah turned, sapphire eyes giving Quierron a look as if to say, _I don't want to be called that. _"I've told you once before, I'm sure, that I do not wish to be called, _my lady. _Sarah will do just fine, or if you prefer to stick to protocol, call me Lieutenant." Looking up at the stars once more, imagining what _Voyager _was up to like she did every night at this time, she turned about fully and walked towards the young Gerroan soldier that had slowly become the only _friend _she had on this planet. It was a strange understanding, she challenged his very beliefs, and yet he still served her. When she challenged Casius it ended her up with a back hand to the face.

He offered her his arm in escort but she shook it off. "Are all human women this...independent?"

"You wanted to say stubborn," Sarah said with a grin.

Quierron blushed slightly. "Yes, stubborn."

"My people believe in equality for all sentient life. So, yes, in a manner of speaking, we are stubborn," she replied.

"Your race is foreign to me, Lieutenant."

Sarah chuckled as he led her down the long corridor, before he would lead her through the central gardens, and then down another corridor to Casius' dining room. "You mean our ideals are foreign to you."

"Yes, they are...different than what I am used to," Quierron replied. He shook his head. "The heathens preach the same thing, freedom, equality; but when I hear them say it, all I hear are traitors. When I hear you say, I hear someone speaking the truth and it sounds eloquent. I do not understand. I have been hearing them all my life, and yet you have only been here for two weeks and already have me questioning everything I believe in."

"Is that such a bad thing?" Sarah asked.

Quierron shrugged his shoulders. "People who question the High Council's rule are frowned upon."

"And end up victims of Dellon Casius in one of his prisons?"

The young soldier winced. "More or less, yes."

They passed through the gardens in silence, moving alongside other guards and servants posted throughout the house. Their conversations never left her suite and a part of that sadden him. She was intriguing and he wished, subconsciously at least that more people on his planet were like her. The heathens tried, but they were sometimes no better than Dellon Casius. With Sarah's arrival though the underground movement had been growing stronger. Kreyole servants were no doubt whispering about her throughout the city, which led to Gerroan households taking an interest in her. Her and the crew of _Voyager _were some what celebraties on his home world. Communications had been trying to fliter out messages to the wayward ship about their officer but Quierron knew that not all of the messages would be deleted before reaching _Voyager. _He briefly wondered if the ship was going to come for her.

Sarah never talked about _Voyager. _It seemed like she would rather forget the ship she had given up her freedom to save. Casius had not accused her of ordering any more message be sent, the servants and underground workers were getting better at sending them through other channels. Myna had been returned to Sarah's service, but under strict supervision. Another toe out of line and Quierron knew it would have dire consquences for both women.

Casius was waiting for her in the dining room, broad back to them looking out the window at the stars. Quierron announced her and bowed, stepping out of the room closing the door behind him. When they were alone Casius spoke, "The stars are a beautiful and mysterious thing. When I was boy I wanted nothing more than to go and fly amongst them and rule them some day. It's a powerful feeling to know that they are at my command with the simple snap of my fingers."

"Power is a dangerous thing to be toying with," Sarah retorted.

"Yes, I suppose that you would think that," Casius said turning around to face her.

"From where I stand it's more dangerous than you."

He smiled slyly. "Power frightens you doesn't it Miss Barrett?"

"Only when it is in the hands of the wrong people."

He raised his wine glass to his lips and mocked toasted her. Taking a sip he asked her to join him. Sarah eyed the glass of wine resting on the far end of the table where she was standing next to. Something was screaming out for her not to take it; it was either poisoned or drugged with something unpleasant. "I do not wish for any wine tonight."

Casius' eyes became dark pools of anger. "It is customary on my world to drink wine when offered."

"And it's customary on mine to politely decline it when one doesn't wish to drink it."

The glass broke as he slammed it onto the table. He drew himself up to his full height as he stalked towards her. Sarah tried to retreat but found her back to a wall. Trembling, for she knew she had no where to go, she watched helplessly as he moved towards her, towering over her. He grabbed her chin with one of his massive hands. "I grow tired of these games, Sarah. For two weeks I have patiently waited for you to give me what I want. I see that it is time to take it for myself and be done with these games."

Sarah struggled against him as he tore of the torso of her dress. The delicate fabric hung around her slender arms as his eyes, then his mouth ravished her lips. Still, she tried to fight, which only earned her a thorough thrashing. Crying out in pain she slumped to the floor. Crawling away she gathered her dress up to cover herself, Casius glowered even more. In her fear she tried to maintain a look of anger, defiance, however it was wavering, and she could sense that he knew it. A devilish grin quirked at the corner of his lips. "You didn't think that I brought you here just to look at your pretty face, did you?"

"Don't touch me," she growled.

"You are mine to do what I wish with," he snapped.

"I _am _no one's property."

Casius' eyes were smoldering with desire and hate as he reached for again. Sarah managed to dash underneath the table. The leader roared in anger, throwing the chairs aside before finally flipping the table over. Plates and glasses flung around them, shards embedding in the wall, Sarah felt one cut a gash across her left arm. She winced as she tried to keep moving to stay away from his demanding hands. When there was no where else to go she slammed into a wall. Her hands trembled as she gripped tightly to the garment around her body.

"_Supreme Commander, we've traced the latest transmission to the enemy ship. Do you wish to review it now, my lord?"_

For a brief moment she thought she had been saved from his violation, but his eyes grew darker as he pulled out his comlink. "No, I have other matters to tend to first." He tossed the link aside and reached for again. "Now there will be no more interruptions."

Sarah could only close her eyes and hope it was over quickly.

Quierron found her what felt like hours later, her clothes torn, body bruised and bleeding, huddled on the floor. He had come looking for her when she did not call to escort her back to the suite after dinner. It was not like her to stay longer than required and he had grown concerned. What he found shocked him. Her hair, which had been nicely done up in flowing curls, was now tangled, hiding half of her face. The one that was exposed to him was battered and bruised, swollen. He felt his own sharp intake of breath when he knelt closer to her to discover the bruises on her inner thighs.

She was indecently covered and when he reached out to cover her, she flinched and tried to move away from him, whimpering in pain. "My lady, I am here to help you."

The words seemed to relax her and she allowed him to cover her up and help her to her feet. Deciding that it would be indecent of him to parade her back through the gardens, for the others to see what their leader had done to her, humiliating her even more, he pulled out his comlink and requested a transport to Sarah's suite. As the beam swept them up he made a decision that was quite possible going to change his life forever; he was going to send a message to Janeway and _Voyager. _The sooner they got here, the better.

* * *


	79. Chapter 79

* * *

Tom Paris awoke with a start, a cold sweat forming on his brow. Clutching his sheet to his chest he took a few deep breaths realizing that he was on _Voyager. _His dreams had been plagued now for almost three weeks, ever since the Gerroan had kidnapped Sarah and taken her away from him. Sleep was hard to come by and it was painfully obvious in his attitude. The seclusion of his quarters seemed more inviting these days than hanging out at Sandrine's after his duty shift. Some days, he was pulling double duty shifts just to keep Sarah and what she must be going through off his mind. But at night he was haunted of nightmares of her suffering, Casius violating her, her screams bone chilling and him powerless to stop it.

Mumbling he swung his legs over the side of the bed and asked the computer for the time.

"_The time is zero four hundred hours._"

Rubbing his hands over his face he got up, knowing that he wouldn't be getting anymore sleep tonight. He walked towards the replicator and ordered a coffee only to be informed that he had no replicator rations left. _Damn, that's right, _he thought glumly, glancing at the dried up rose on his dining table. He had replicated it for Sarah two days before she was abducted. He had gone back to her office to retrieve it a few days after she had been gone, when it was looking like there was no hope of getting her back. He needed something, anything to remind him of her. And even though they had the help of the Nydians and the Gerroan, Tom was holding out very little hope of finding Sarah alive.

His fingers traced the dried petals of the rose. So much hope and promise was now dried up like the flower. With a sigh he turned back to the bedroom and pulled out a fresh uniform, deciding to report to duty early to get some work done.

The young ensign at the helm wasn't surprised when he showed up to relieve her early. It was common practice and no one argued with him or told him not to do so. He caught the looks that Kathryn Janeway had been given him, sympathy, regret, guilt; it was constantly present in her countenance these days. Harry was worried about him, hell even Chakotay was worried about him. He knew the rumors going around that the crew was placing bets on when he was going to take off in a shuttle to attempt a rescue on his own. But he knew it was foolish and not what Sarah would want. If those thoughts weren't holding him back, he would have done it by now.

"We're maintaining a standard orbit sir," the ensign reported when he showed up to relieve her.

"Thanks, ensign, you're relieved."

Tom took his seat and began the idle misgivings of flying a ship in orbit. He wished they were on course for somewhere so he would actually have to think while working, but this was better than sitting in his quarters contemplating what was happening to Sarah. The bridge was calm at this hour, quiet, since there were few people manning the stations, just the main ones, and Lieutenant Rollins had automatically given up command of the bridge the moment Tom stepped on the bridge. He was now working at the missions operations station.

Behind him he heard the doors to the turbolift hiss open. "Couldn't sleep either?" a voice asked.

Tom glanced up to see B'Elanna Torres making her way to the Engineering console. "Yeah," he replied, "bad dreams."

"Me too."

"I don't suppose you want to swap stories."

"You really want to hear about my unpleasant dreams?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "They can't be nearly as bad as mine have been."

B'Elanna frowned. "Sarah?"

His eyes darkened. "Yes."

"Tom, we'll get her back."

_Yes but in how many pieces,_Tom thought, averting his eyes. "Thanks, I wish I felt that confident."

"If it makes you feel any better all the modifactions are complete, Captain Janeway wants to meet with the senior staff at zero eight hundred," B'Elanna offered as she settled into some work that had been piling up thanks to all the diversions the last two and a half weeks. "If everything checks out we'll be shoring up our rescue plan and setting a course."

Tom frowned at his console. He didn't feel very optimistic, perhaps it was the lack of sleep, but he was feeling reserved about their plans at trying to rescue Sarah. Chakotay and Tuvok had carefully laid a plan out and the senior officers had been tweaking it all week. While everyone else seemed confidient that it was going to work, he was sure that they were missing something. The intelligence files that Prime Minister Yutell had sent over had given them details about Gerroa Prime and the capital city of Lleh, and the schematic of Dellon Casius' private estate had aided greatly as well, but Tom didn't see how four Starfleet officers were going to transport in and out with Sarah before being detected. They needed someone from the inside to help them and they just didn't have it.

To top things off and make it worse, Tom hadn't been assigned to the team. He had begged Chakotay, but the first officer had remained firm, Janeway was going to need her best pilot at the helm. _You're just afraid that I'm going to do something stupid to jeopardize the mission, _Tom had had yelled at him, _I wouldn't do that, I love her and I want to bring her back to Voyager safely just as much as you do! _It had fallen on deaf ears. Chakotay had assigned him to the bridge. Tuvok, Harry, and Chakotay would be inflitrating Casius' estate to find Sarah and beam her to sickbay so the Doctor could treat her. He had come along in a combatant for the psychoactive device to protect the away team in case they were captured, however to remove one was going to be a delicate procedure that the patient may not survive.

Janeway had another plan up her sleeve, too, Tom was sure of it. She had met privately with Commodore Gvena and Prime Minister Yutell each day for at least three hours. Chakotay wasn't even present for the meetings and the young pilot was certain that the Commander had no idea what those meetings were about.

"Lieutenant Paris," a voice said from operations.

"Yes," he replied not bothering to turn about to look at the young officer.

"I'm picking up a transmission, for Captain Janeway."

"Log it and we'll deliver it to her in the morning."

"You don't understand, sir, it's coming directly from Gerroa Prime."

Tom's head snapped up and he spun about, mouth gaping. "Supreme Commander Casius?"

"No sir," the officer replied. "It's heavily encrypted, hiding in a warp trail of a Gerroan patrol ship just outside of Nydian space."

"We have to wake her up, Tom," B'Elanna said from her station. Tom had forgotten she was there.

It could just be the break they were looking for, Tom thought as he tapped his combadge. "Paris to Janeway."

"_Go ahead Mister Paris," _a sleepy voice said on the other end. "_And just for the record this better be good._"

"It is ma'am, we're receiving a message from Gerroa Prime, and it's_ not _Dellon Casius."

Her voice was more crisp and alert this time. "_I'm on my way, Janeway out._"

* * *

_"Captain Janeway, I am Sub Commander Fel Quierron of the Gerroan High Command. I have been assigned as Lieutenant Barrett's personal security. I'm sorry that I didn't contact you sooner, timing had to be of the essence. Supreme Commander Casius is away from Gerroa Prime at the present time and I believe now is the moment to mount a rescue. If he arrives back to Gerroa Prime before this happens I believe he will kill Lieutenant Barrett. I will contact you again in three days time, by then hopefully you are halfway to Gerroa Prime."_

Kathryn Janeway paused for a moment at the end of the message to look around the table at the senior officers. It was early, not even five o'clock in the morning yet, and here they were gathered around the briefing room table looking tired and miserable. She herself hadn't even bothered with her hair. The prospect of hearing from somebody directly from Gerroa Prime had propelled her into action quickly. Had she known that the person trying to reach her would be someone of importance such as the Sub Commander, she may have moved faster. "Is _Voyager _ready to make the journey to Gerroan space, B'Elanna?"

The Chief Engineer looked uncomfortable. "All the modifications are complete, but we haven't run a test of the cloak and the new engines yet."

"No time like the present," Janeway countered.

"Captain we still haven't got a solid rescue plan in place, yet," Chakotay pointed out.

"Another thing we can work on along the way," Janeway argued. "I'm not about to let this opportunity go to waste."

"What if it's another set up?" Neelix asked, "Captain we could be walking into another trap."

Janeway looked at Kes hopefully for a moment.

The elfin girl shook her head. "My abilities aren't nearly what Lieutenant Barrett's are yet. I cannot tell you if this man is speaking the truth or not."

"We should proceed with caution, then," Janeway concluded, setting her jaw.

"Captain," Tuvok started to say, Janeway stopped him by throwing a hand up in the air.

"I understand that this is taking a _huge _risk, but it is a risk that has to be taken," she snapped. "Now, I want to underway by zero six hundred, run tests of the cloak, tactical drills, etcetera. You're all dismissed."

To prove that she was not backing down she got up from the table and turned her back to the officers, focusing on the stars beyond the view port. Behind her she heard the shuffling of chairs and feet and then the doors opening with a soft hiss. When she was certain that everyone was gone she let her head drop and blew out a long sigh. _I hope you know what you're doing Kathryn, _she thought with a tiny shake of her head. She had always been one to plunge in head first and worry about the consequences later. This time though there may not be any consequences later because they all very well could be dead when all was said and done. This caused her to raise her head and look out at the planet below her.

She turned and asked the computer to open a channel to Prime Minister Yutell, addressing that it was urgent. A few seconds later a bleary eyed Nydian was facing her on the screen. "Captain Janeway," he said, softly, "what can I do for you?"

Janeway swallowed the lump in her throat. "I received a message from a sub commander on Gerroa Prime, assigned to protect my officer. I'm going after her, in little less than an hour; I realize that this is ahead of schedule and we haven't tested the new systems yet, however, this officer believes that Sarah will be killed when Casius gets back from his latest mission. I need to attempt to get there before he does."

"Of course Captain," Yutell replied. "Is the plan we spoke of still in place."

"It is," she said, "I...need a favor, Prime Minister."

"Go on," the Prime Minister urged.

"I have two children and one pregnant woman on board my ship," Janeway replied swallowing the lump that was forming in her throat. "I very well know that _Voyager _may not come back from this mission; that we will either be subjected to Casius' and his torture or we will be destroyed. But I cannot deny those children their own lives. They didn't ask to be here."

Yutell looked at her remorsefully. "What is it that you ask of me, Captain?"

"A safe place, for the children, and their caretakers," she replied, fighting the urge to sob. "If _Voyager _does not return for them, you'll see to it that they'll be taken care of?"

"Of course," Yutell replied. "When can I expect to receive our guests?"

"I'll send them as soon as possible," Janeway replied.

"Very well, we shall be ready for them."

Janeway closed the link and took a deep, calming breath before she asked Samantha Wildman, Tal Celes, Kes and Neelix to join her in Transporter Room One. Stepping out onto the bridge she glanced sideways at Tuvok for a moment, wondering if her old friend knew what she was up too, and climbed into the lift. "Deck three," she ordered and the lift began to descend. Quickly she hurried to her quarters, keying in the access code. She woke Michael first, told him to get dressed and then disappeared into the baby's room.

Ava lifted her head when the bright light of her mother's bedroom hit the wall of her nursery, and she quietly protested. Janeway lifted her out of the crib and dressed her as quickly as she could before jogging into the living room. Her son was sitting on the sofa, fighting to stay awake, and she yanked him by the hand, instructing him that they didn't have a lot of time. He griped but went along with her.

"Where are we going?" he asked, rubbing his eyes with his free hand while they rode the turbolift.

"To the transporter room."

"Are we going on a vacation?"

"Something like that," Janeway replied, guilty.

In the transporter room she found Ensign Wildman, Tal, Kes, and Neelix waiting for her. "Captain," the Talaxian guide questioned. "What is going on?"

"We're leaving for Gerroa Prime in one hour," she said, firmly. "As civilains Neelix, I cannot order you and Kes to stay."

"We weren't even considering leaving Captain," Kes said. "We want to help find Sarah."

"Captain, she's our friend too," Neelix added. "We want to be of service."

"You understand how dangerous this is?" Janeway asked.

"Of course," Neelix said. "It doesn't matter to us."

The Captain nodded her head glancing at Tal for a moment and then Wildman. "Ensign, Crewman, get onto the transporter pad, please," she ordered. The two young women exchanged glances for a moment before they followed her orders. When they were situated on the pad Janeway told Michael to climb up, handing Ava to Tal. She turned away from the pad and moved to the controls, ordering the ensign manning them to step aside.

"Mama," Michael said, "aren't you coming?"

"I just have to fix something, honey," she reassured him.

He settled back onto the pad next to his nanny. "Captain, where are going?" Tal asked, still tired and still confused.

"Nydia."

"Nydia? Why?" Wildman inquired.

Janeway looked at them as her fingers pressed the controls to beam them down to the surface. "Because, I won't be responsible for denying your child or mine the right to live. Take care of each other, Ensign, Crewman." The realization of what she was doing suddenly set in as the beam began to sweep them up. Michael cried out for her and tried to get off the pad, but it was too late, the buffer had his pattern and he was safely transported down to the surface. The Captain lowered her head for a moment, her heart shattering. _You had to do it, you had to protect them. _

_"Nydian control to Captain Janeway, we have your people ma'am. Prime Minister Yutell is tending to them himself._"

"Thank you," she mumbled.

"_Good luck on your mission, Captain. Nydian control out._"

She gripped the edge of the console before raising her head to look at the stunned expressions on Neelix and Kes' faces. "Mister Neelix, make sure that the crew is prepared for our departure and journey to Gerroa Prime. I want everyone up to speed on the mission. And not a word of this to _anyone, _is that clear?" she addressed the others in the room.

"Yes ma'am," Neelix sputtered, while Kes and the ensign merely nodded their heads.

Janeway walked out of the control station, right out of the transporter room, rigidly getting into the turbolift. "Bridge," she commanded and it began its climb. She pressed her hands at her sides, struggling for emotional control when her combadge twittered.

"_Tuvok to Janeway, there was an unauthorized transport down to Nydia two minutes ago, we haven't been able to track who left the ship,_" the Vulcan said.

"I know about the transport, Mister Tuvok, I was the one who ordered it," she answered.

"_Captain?_"

"I'll explain later," she said, closing the link, on the verge of breaking down.

Perhaps later she would be able to deal with what she had just done, but she couldn't right now. The children's departure and the way they had departed were too fresh in her memory. She could have told them outright what she was doing, but she knew that Wildman would have declined, stating it was her duty to be here, and the children wouldn't have left her so easily. It was better, in the long run, this way. When she stepped out onto the bridge her Chief Tactical officer gave her a puzzled look but didn't say another word.

Chakotay was standing in the middle of the command station and glanced over his shoulder at her. "We're just about ready to get under way."

"Good," Janeway replied. "The cloaking device?"

"It appears to be in perfect working order."

"Very well," she said. "Mister Paris, lay in a course, for Gerroa Prime."

* * *

It was raining when she woke up on the twenty-first day of her imprisonment. To Sarah it felt like twenty one years. The last seven days had been the hardest. She had gone through a whirlwind of emotions since being raped. Fear, insecurity, loathing, they had swirled within her like a storm. Casius had left shortly after his violent violation of her and Quierron wasn't planning on him returning for another seven to ten days. He was apparently tracking down a fraction of freedom fighters in a distant part of their space.

Sarah stared at the ceiling of her bedroom. He'd been gone for five days and in those five days she had tried to think of a way to get out of here before he was allowed to hurt her again. But nothing seemed plausible in her mind; the place was so heavily guarded. Deciding that wallowing was not going to let her accomplish anything, she slowly climbed out of bed. Her injuries had healed considerably, they would have healed faster if Casius had let Myna use a dermal regenerator on her but he had refused. Her face wasn't nearly as swollen now as it had been when Quierron found her in the dinning room, but it was still slightly discolored.

She took a quick sonic shower and got dressed, nothing to fancy today, since the _master _of the house wasn't around; a simple white blouse and tan wide leg pants. She didn't tie her hair up though, it hid some of the swelling on her face. Myna had left her some breakfast in the common room and she walked with a small limp to the tiny table and sat down. The young Kreyole girl spent little time with her, for fear of getting caught again sending a message to _Voyager, _which Sarah had strictly forbade her to do, but was certain that it wasn't enough to stop her. Despite what Casius thought Myna was an extremely independent young woman.

"My lady," Myna's voice said entering the room. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you Myna."

"I brought you some medicine for the pain. Commander Quierron smuggled it from the Imperial Medical Center."

"I don't need it, Myna, but thank you."

"Are you sure, my lady, you look like you're in pain."

"I'm sure," Sarah growled, taking a bite of her food. The pain reminded her what he had done.

Myna frowned but left Sarah to her own devices. The human woman was impossibly stubborn sometimes and better off to be left alone. Sarah didn't seem to mind. She'd had a storm cloud hanging over her head since Quierron had brought her back from the dinning room battered and bruised. Myna had cleaned her up and put her to bed, knowing what had happened, but not forcing Sarah to speak of it. Myna respected the woman from a far away galaxy. Her outwitting of Dellon Casius months before had been the catalyst to propel the underground to fight harder. She, like her ship and people, were a symbol of freedom.

Which had been one of the reasons why Casius had wanted to capture her. He wanted to defile her, humiliate her so the underground would fear him more. His actions, kidnapping her, forcing her to sacrifice her freedom to save the ones she loved, and then raping her had only made the underground leaders angrier. Ravior himself had sent _Voyager _a layout of the estate, provided by Myna, in the hopes that the crew could use it to save their officer. The underground may have been gaining allies and building more of a resistance to Casius' tyranny, but they didn't have the resources to launch an escape and get Sarah back to _Voyager _before the government caught up with her. And then she would be dead. Casius wouldn't give a second chance, he hardly gave first chances.

Myna had been unprepared for Fel Quierron preparing a message to _Voyager _himself, and stating that he would help Sarah escape. But her senses told her that he was true to his word. Casius had sworn him to protect Sarah, with his life even. Little did the dark leader know that his own orders were coming back to haunt him.

Quierron had tested the waters so to speak and found that there were many young Gerroan soldiers like him that were confused as to why the were hunting the Kreyole down. A rebellion was in store and Casius wasn't even aware of it.

"My lady," Myna heard a voice call out through the suite. It caused both Sarah and Myna to look up as Quierron rushed into the room. "I just got word from our friend at Central Communications, it seems that Lord Casius is returning earlier than we expected," he told the two women. "He'll be arriving within the hour." _And I still haven't been able to contact Voyager. It's only been two days. _

Sarah visibly swallowed. "I guess I should change."

Myna blinked. "My lady, we have to get you out!"

"Where am I going to go, Myna?" Sarah asked.

"Out the tunnel," she said. _Oh I hope Quierron really is on our side. _

"Tunnel?" Quierron repeated.

"Yes, there is an escape tunnel that runs underneath the estate and directly to the city. Casius thought it was closed up years ago, but some of my people have kept it open for the very purpose it was set up for, escape. I can contact Ravior, we can smuggle her to the freedom fighters," Myna replied.

"And they can hide her until _Voyager _arrives."

"If I go, he'll kill me when he finds me," Sarah said.

"He's going to do so either way, my lady," Quierron replied. "Quickly, Myna, we only have an hour before he arrives."

"You both could be executed for this, you know," Sarah pointed out, her hands trembling slightly.

Quierron set his jaw. "We can make it look like the freedom fighters took you, but if that doesn't work, it's a risk that Myna and I are willing to take." He saw her eyes flash with gratitude and he nodded his head at Myna, who rushed off to call Ravior. When she was gone, Quierron laid out the plan. "You and Myna will proceed to the tunnel, stun me with my weapon and take it with you, that way it looks like you both caught me off guard. The freedom fighters are more resourceful than Lord Casius thinks, thus he underestimates them. You should be safe with them until _Voyager _comes for you."

Sarah shook her head. "Captain Janeway isn't coming for me, Quierron. She wouldn't risk it."

He looked disheartened.

"Don't worry, once I'm with the freedom fighters I can take care of myself, maybe make a difference on this world."

"You've already done so, my lady."

Sarah offered him a sad smile as Myna rushed back into the room. "I'm glad my three weeks left an impression on you."

"We're ready. Ravior is going to meet us personally," the Kreyole servant reported.

Quierron nodded his head and Sarah told Myna the plan. The Starfleet officer took his weapon and pointed it at him. "Thank you, Commander for everything," She said her finger squeezing the trigger slowly. He muttered a response that he was just doing his job before the blast hit him and he fell to the floor. Sarah stared at his prone form for a moment before turning towards Myna. "Take me to the tunnel."

* * *

Sub Commander Velo Gaffa felt his heart beating rapidly with fear as he tore through the corridors of his lord's personal estate to deliver the news that the young commander in charge of Sarah Barrett's security had been found, stunned, in her personal suite, apparently by his own weapon. Gaffa could only conclude that Sarah, with the help of Myna, had surprised the young man and then escaped. How she had done so past all the guards was beyond him, but his leader wasn't going to like it never the less.

Casius was in his office when Gaffa found him, drinking a cup of Gerroan tea that he so loved, and reading over the latest report on their last purge mission. A cruel smile was beginning to form on his lips when Gaffa asked for admittance to his private domain. "Come!"

"My lord," Gaffa nearly tumbled into the room and bowed.

"Yes, where's Lieutenant Barrett like I asked?"

"She...well...she wasn't in her suite."

"Quierron take her for a walk?"

"Not exactly my lord."

Casius' dark eyes snapped up and bore holes in him. "If she isn't taking a walk with Quierron, then where is she Gaffa?"

Gaffa swallowed the nervous bile that had risen in his throat. "We found Sub Commander Quierron unconscious in the suite, he apparently had been stunned by his own weapon and we can only assume that Lieutenant Barrett took him by surprise and has...escaped sir."

The tea cup shattered into about a million pieces when it was thrown against the wall. Gaffa nervously took a step back while his leader began to pace the length of the room behind his desk muttering curses and threats to the young woman all the while. Gaffa had seen Casius like this before, of course, and it never led to pleasant things, especially for the person that the leader was cursing. He was surprised that Casius had put up with the young lieutenant's antics for this long when he should have just killed her on the Kreyole planet the first time they had nearly captured her. But he didn't question, questioning led to death and a painful one at that. "Should I send teams out sir? She couldn't have gone that far. We can still catch her."

"When you do, Gaffa," Casius said, eyes glowing with hate, "kill her."

* * *

"Kathryn," Chakotay said, inviting himself into the ready room, "I think you have some explaining to do."

"I beg your pardon," Kathryn Janeway snapped, coffee cup almost to her lips. "I _have _some explaining to do? You just barged in here unannounced!"

Chakotay slammed a PADD down onto her desk. "I understand that the last three weeks haven't been easy, but to do this! Tuvok finally drudged up the information about that transport you authorized four days ago; he basically had to mind meld it out of Neelix! You abandoned the children, Tal, and Ensign Wildman on Nydia without so much as an explanation!"

Kathryn's face became angry. "Abandoned! I didn't abandon anyone! I ensured that they would have a life after all this! Don't you ever, _EVER, _imply that I abandoned my children again." She turned her back on him and signaled that the conversation was over. "You're dismissed Commander."

"I don't think so," Chakotay shot back. "I've given you your space since this whole ordeal has started, now it's time to face it."

"I said you were dismissed!"

"And I'm telling you that I'm not leaving," Chakotay said at wit's end.

The comment earned him the first full brunt of a death glare directed at himself. "You whisk your children away, in the middle of the night, one who is terrified that his mother is going to leave him, and think that you don't have to explain yourself?"

Kathryn's eyes were dark, dangerously so. "Commander, don't make me throw you in the brig."

"Is that your way of dealing with his fear, Kathryn? Running from it?"

"I'm about to fly my ship into the very heart of hell and you're accusing me of running from fear?"

"Not fear, Kathryn, _your _fear, _Michael's _fear."

She shook her head and looked away from him. "I don't have time for this, Commander. In three days time we will be entering Gerroan space and heading for Gerroa Prime under cloak. If you want to stew over my decision, fine, put it in your log, now, _you're _dismissed!"

Out of the corner of her eye she could see his face darken with anger at her and he stormed out. She let out a sigh that was more of a sob and collapsed into her chair. Four days had gone by since the message from the Sub Commander. They hadn't heard anything from him since. Kathryn assumed that he was dead, or the message was indeed a fraud. Either way there was no turning back now.

_"Kim to Janeway, I think you should come out here ma'am."_

Kathryn took a deep breath and rose from her seat. Straightening her uniform she strode onto the bridge. "Report," she said as firmly as she possible could under her emotional stress.

"We've picked up a small capsule thirty kilometers off our port bow," Harry reported.

The Captain made her way up onto the command station, keeping her shoulder purposely turned away from Chakotay. "On screen." A small, escape pod like capsule appeared on the main viewer. "Origin, Mister Kim?"

"It has Gerroan markings on it."

"Scan it."

"I'm picking biological remains in the capsule," Harry said. "It looks like it's a coffin."

"Maybe one of their officers died in space and has drifted this far," Chakotay offered.

"I wouldn't think the Gerroan a people to just leave their soldiers to float in space for the rest of their lives," Kathryn said, coldly.

No one noticed the pained expression pass over Harry Kim's face as he read his latest scans. "That's because the Gerroan don't ma'am. It's not a Gerroan soldier in that capsule." He waited until the Captain had turned to look at him and they made eye contact. He couldn't look at anyone else but her when he delivered the news. "The remains are human."

Kathryn felt like the floor had dropped out from underneath her. "Are you certain?"

"Yes ma'am," Harry whispered.

She averted her eyes and focused on the floor. _Breathe, Kathryn, breathe; your crew needs you, Tom needs you. _"Have the body transported to sickbay; I want the Doctor to run an autopsy." _And I'm not about to let your memory be desecrated by floating around space in a Gerroan coffin for eternity; we'll give you a proper memorial. _"I'll be in my ready room. Hold position here until further notice, Tom." She was surprised when she got a response, however strangled it was, and disappeared through the doors of her ready room before Chakotay or anyone else could stop her. Fighting the urge to throw something or scream she clenched her fists and exited out the port entrance.

The Doctor was just shimmering into existence when Kathryn entered sickbay. Kes had activated him when the body had arrived. She now was trying to keep her distance, organizing the tools they would need to perform the procedure. Kathryn didn't blame her.

On the surgical biobed was the battered shell of what once was a beautiful, vibrant, _breathing _young woman. Kathryn kept a cold mask in place, learned from years of training, but inside she was screaming all the hateful things she wanted to do to Dellon Casius for his cold-blooded murder of her officer. "Doctor," she said, huskily, "report."

"It seems her time with the Gerroan was no picnic, Captain," the hologram replied, pulling out a medical tricorder and running it over Sarah Barrett's body. "She has several broken ribs, a punctured lung, fractures on her vertebrate, cranial swelling, and...it appears she has suffered reproductive injuries as well."

"Raped?"

"I'm afraid so Captain."

Now her tears were really threatening to escape. "How long has she been...dead?"

"I would estimate three days."

_Too slow, we went too slow, _Kathryn thought miserably, eyes fixed on the swollen face of her lieutenant. "How long will it take you to do a full autopsy?"

"Twenty-four hours."

The Captain nodded her head. "Do it," she whispered before turning about and leaving sickbay, "in the meantime, I have a memorial to prepare for."

_**To be continued...**_

* * *


End file.
